Fallen Elements

Heather McVea

Published by Heather McVea at Smashwords

Copyright 2015 Heather McVea

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or event is entirely coincidental. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without written permission from the author.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

About the author:

Heather McVea was raised in a small town south of San Antonio, Texas. Prior to escaping to the big city, she raised Hampshire pigs, rode motorcycles at entirely too young an age, and once snow boarded behind a Ford pickup truck. She relishes a strong gin and tonic, but leans after three. Shiny twinkly things make her cringe, up to and including Hollywood vampires.

Heather and her wife have three fur babies and are working their way through all of the distillery tours in Texas… and beyond.

Heather is currently working on the novella Coleen: Forever, an origin story of one of the more popular characters in the Waking Forever universe. It is slated for release in June 2015.

Follow Heather on Twitter @HMcVea

Playlist:

Lovestain – Jose Gonzalez

A Sky Full of Stars – Coldplay

Scare Away the Dark – Passenger

Young Girls – Bruno Mars

Paint It Black – The Rolling Stones

Love Runs Out – OneRepublic

Moondance – Van Morrison

Called Out in the Dark – Snow Patrol

Turning Page – Sleeping at Last

Take Me to Church – Hozier

The Way I Am – Ingrid Michaelson

Broken Crown – Mumford & Sons

Lost in My Mind – The Head and the Heart

Dangerous – Big Data

Nights in White Satin – The Moody Blues

Wake Me Up – Avicii

White Blank Page – Mumford & Sons

Flightless Bird, American Mouth – Iron & Wine

“The unseen, the unheard, the untouchable is what weaves the fabric of our see-able universe together.”

- Robin Craig Clark

Chapter 1

“Is anyone sitting there?” The Amtrak train was completely full as it pulled away from the gate at Baltimore’s Penn Station, and Ryan Myers had managed to purchase one of the last seats for herself.

Standing in the aisle with a small gray Samsonite bag in tow, the brown haired, blue eyed woman was beginning to sweat. It was March, and though Ryan had been grateful for her navy blue pea coat and beige wool scarf during the last throes of winter outside, the congestion in the train car was causing her to feel suffocated by her outer wear.

A blonde woman in her early thirties, dressed in a pair of black chinos and a cream colored cotton blouse, looked up from her iPad. “It’s not taken.” The woman looked at Ryan’s suitcase. “But I think the overhead bins are full.”

Taking the middle finger of her brown leather glove between her teeth, Ryan pulled the glove off her hand and deposited it in her coat pocket, followed by its mate in her other pocket. She huffed out a breath of air and loosened her scarf. “No one checks bags anymore.” She shook her head as she looked around for a place to stow her carryon. “Though clearly, I’m one of the offenders.” She smiled at the blonde.

“No judgment here. The fees are ridiculous.” The woman slid her iPad into the seat pocket in front of her. “Here, let me help.”

Standing up, the woman stepped into the aisle just as the train began to pull forward. The blonde was jostled forward before managing to steady herself on the seat next to her. The man sitting in the seat looked back and rolled his eyes at the woman.

“Sorry.” The blonde cringed, and then looked at Ryan and shrugged her shoulders. “I can move my bag over, and maybe that will free up some space for you.”

Ryan nodded. “I really appreciate it.” She watched as the woman turned and shifted a blue American Tourist bag up against one of the dividers in the overhead bin. Ryan thought the woman was beautiful. Her blonde hair sat just above her shoulders, and had a sheen to it that reminded Ryan of silk. Her skin was smooth with a slight tan, and her eyes were the color of sea foam green.

“There. That should do it.” The woman tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she turned to face Ryan. “Do you need help lifting it?”

“No worries. I’ve got it.” Ryan lifted her bag up, and slid it in next to the blue bag. “Perfect.” She unbuttoned her coat and pulled her scarf off before wedging the garments between the two bags.

The blonde slid into her seat and removed her iPad from the seat pocket. Crossing her legs, she turned her attention back to the device.

Ryan had left her house in such a hurry she had forgotten her Kindle, and was relegated to reading a copy of Time Magazine she had hastily bought in the train station. It hardly mattered, though. She was exhausted and not able to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. After reading the same paragraph about food additives four times, Ryan slid the magazine into the seat pocket in front of her, and laid her head back against the headrest.

“Excuse me.” Ryan’s entire body jerked when her seat mate spoke, and she realized she must have dozed off. The woman’s warm hand was on Ryan’s forearm, and a wave of heat skittered up her arm and into her chest. “I’m sorry to startle you. You fell asleep, and I wasn’t sure which stop was yours.”

Ryan looked up at the scrolling marquee attached to the ceiling of the train car. She had been asleep for nearly an hour, and the train was arriving in Philadelphia. Shifting in her seat, Ryan stretched her neck to the left, the muscles aching. “Ah, no, it’s fine. I’m going to New York.”

The blonde removed her hand, and settled back into her seat. “I figured it was better to make sure.”

Leaning forward in her seat, Ryan extended her arms out in front of her until she could lay her palms flat against the back of the seat. Yawning, she stretched the muscles between her shoulder blades. “I appreciate that.”

It was the second time the woman had helped her, and though Ryan usually wasn’t one for small talk with strangers, she could use the distraction. It didn’t hurt that the blonde was exactly Ryan’s type.

“I’m Ryan, by the way.” Extending her hand to the woman, Ryan flashed her most charming smile.

“Leah. Nice to meet you.” The woman took Ryan’s hand, a warm smile spreading across her face. “You’re going to New York then? Me too. Business or pleasure?”

Ryan released Leah’s hand. “Neither. Family.”

Leah chuckled. “I get that.”

“And you?” Ryan leaned back in her seat, and still feeling hot, she pushed the sleeves of her long sleeve gray t-shirt up to her elbows.

Leah’s brow furrowed, and a look of sadness crossed her green eyes. “I’m seeing an old friend.”

Ryan didn’t want to make the woman uncomfortable by prying, and she didn’t want to open herself up to a tragic telling of a personal story when they still had nearly two hours left on the train together. Besides, she was in no mood herself for emotional outpourings.

“Do they live in New York?” Ryan tried to think of the most innocuous question.

Leah’s expression lightened as she nodded. “They - they do.” The woman laid her iPad on her lap. “Do you live in Baltimore?”

“I do, and you?”

“Just outside of Baltimore.”

The two women sat for several seconds in an awkward silence. Clearly neither knew what to talk about, beyond the few perfunctory questions deemed appropriate to ask a stranger on a train.

“What do you do for a living?” Leah managed to break the silence.

“I just finished my doctorate in social policy.” Ryan felt the train slowing down, and looking outside the windows, she could see flashes of the Philadelphia skyline.

“Really? How is that different from social work?” The scent of vanilla and fabric softener wafted over Ryan as Leah leaned on the arm rest between them.

Ryan instinctively shifted so she was facing Leah. She was pleased the woman knew there was a distinction. “Social work is the proverbial boots on the ground - case workers, foster care. That sort of thing. Social policy deals more with the policies that guide those workers and helps maintain and build the infrastructure they work in.” Ryan hoped she wasn’t going off on a tangent and boring Leah.

“So more of the government and administration end of things?” Leah asked.

Ryan nodded. “Yes. Specifically the partnership of government with business, charities, and communities.”

“So nothing too important?” Leah teased. Ryan had to focus so she wouldn’t stare at the blonde’s full pink lips. “How does that translate into a career?”

Ryan forced her attention to Leah’s eyes, but found the light green irises even more distracting than the woman’s mouth. “Well, I’ve had several job offers with local municipalities for program administration work, but nothing seems right. I don’t want to have gone through all the time and expense of my education to end up settling.”

Ryan turned so she was facing forward again. She continued to feel very hot. “Typical crap really. Nothing but school and internships for the past eight years, and now - well, now it’s go time and I’m sputtering at the gate.” Jesus, why am I telling her this?

Leah nodded. “Cross roads can be a bitch.”

Ryan laughed. “You have no idea.”

The two women looked at each other, the awkwardness from earlier forgotten. “What do you do?” Ryan asked, wishing they could open the window. Her face felt flush, and her palms were sweating. She wondered if she was coming down with something. Either that, or the dread inherent to her trip was causing hot flashes.

“I own a small book store in Ellicott City. Just outside Baltimore.” Leah saw Ryan look down at the iPad in her lap. “I know, the harbinger of my own demise, but I hate lugging books when I travel.” Leah ran her long, tapered finger across the device’s screen. “Trust me. My house is bursting at the seams with real books.”

Ryan smiled, and laid her head back on the head rest. The train had stopped, and passengers were exiting the car. “Then you won’t mind me telling you, short of a text book, I haven’t read anything besides my Kindle in over two years.”

Leah gasped, an exaggerated, shocked expression on her face. “You’re the reason my retirement planning is falling by the wayside.”

Ryan chuckled. “I thought it best if you heard it from me first.”

Leah laughed, and even over the noise of the now boarding passengers, Ryan marveled at the pure delight the sound sparked in her. Why did I have to meet you on this trip?

The train began to slowly roll forward as a dark haired woman in her early twenties stood next to Ryan in the aisle, an infant resting on her hip. “Ma’am?”

Ryan looked up when she realized the woman was addressing her. “Yes?”

“Are you two travelling together?” The woman looked at Leah. “Because my husband got a seat up near the front, but if you would let him take your seat, he and I could sit across the aisle from one another.” The woman lowered her voice. “And trust me, two parents are way better than one with a teething baby.” The woman scanned the train compartment. “You’d be doing everyone a solid.”

Ryan squelched her disappointment at having to leave Leah, but there was really no good reason why she couldn’t help the couple out. “Ah, sure.” She got up, and squeezed past the woman. Looking at Leah, who had a noticeable frown on her face, Ryan shrugged. “It was nice talking with you.”

Leah looked at the woman and child, and shook her head. “All good things, right?”

“And no good deed.” Ryan shook her head as she walked down the narrow aisle. Damn my Good Samaritan leaning tendencies.

For the next two hours, Ryan managed a fitful sleep. The jarring back and forth of the train, along with the incessant crying of the teething child she had abandoned Leah with, didn’t allow for much more than short cat naps.

When the train rolled to a stop in New York, Ryan waited in her seat for the aisle to clear before venturing back to retrieve her bag and coat. She was disappointed to find Leah’s seat empty, and the blue American Tourist bag gone.

Ryan pulled her coat and scarf down, along with her bag. She disembarked the train just before the passengers bound for Boston began clambering on. New York was even colder than Baltimore, and she quickly put her coat, gloves and scarf on right there on the train platform.

Retrieving her phone from the back pocket of her jeans, she scrolled through her contact list as she walked toward the Penn Station terminal.

“Myers-Howland residence.” A woman’s voice answered.

“May I speak to Lucy, please?” Ryan walked through the Amtrak concourse, and toward the escalators that would take her up to the 7th street exit.

“Who is calling, please?” The woman asked.

“Her niece.” Ryan’s bag caught on the escalator step, and she nearly fell backwards before pulling it free. Standing to the right on the escalator, she took several deep breaths to steady her nerves.

“Ryan? Are you already here? I texted you for your flight information, and I thought I told you I would send the car.” Lucy Myers-Howland’s voice had a slight nasal quality, as if she had a perpetual cold.

“I took the train.” A blast of cold air slapped Ryan in the face as she emerged from the escalator and walked onto the busy New York street.

“Why would you do that?” Lucy seemed more tense than Ryan remembered, but considering the circumstances, she could hardly be blamed.

“It was cheaper.” Ryan sighed, already exhausted. “I’m catching a cab, and will be there in a half hour or so, depending on traffic.”

There was a long pause. “Okay. I’ll let the staff know to expect you.”

The line went dead, and Ryan slid her phone back into her pants pocket. She found the taxi stand, was quickly placed in a cab and whisked through the busy city streets. Her driver wore a Dastar turban, and had barely paused his phone conversation when Ryan had given him the address to her aunt’s house.

Lucy and Derek Howland lived with their two adult children, Andrew and Carol, in a four story townhouse that had been built in 1927 by Ryan’s great grandfather, Addison Myers. The house was located on the tony Upper East Side of Manhattan in the middle of the Lenox Hill neighborhood, near the corner of 5th Avenue and East 72nd Street.

The building sat nestled along a tree lined block across from Central Park, with a roof top deck and a rear yard Ryan remembered fondly from her youth. She had not necessarily appreciated it at the time, but now she knew how rare outdoor space was in a crowded city.

Twenty minutes and twelve dollars later, Ryan stood in front of her aunt’s house. A late winter storm had left bright white snow blanketing portions of the broad sidewalk and the decorative foliage that was strategically placed in front of the residences. The swamp oaks that lined the street were bare for the winter. Looking up at the row of opulent houses, Ryan suddenly felt very small.

“Here - we - go.” Ryan lifted her bag, and walked up the broad concrete steps to the house. The outer oak doors were large, with elaborate stain glass panels inlaid in the upper sections. The glass was a series of geometric shapes in dark green, blue and red. When Ryan was a child, the design had reminded her of mountains, with a lake surrounding them along with a vast blue sky overhead.

Ryan pressed the brass doorbell button to the right of the doors, and a moment later a woman in her late thirties opened the door. The woman was dressed in a gray housekeeper’s uniform, with her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail.

“May I help you?” The woman’s voice was flat.

Ryan put her bag down, and extended her hand. “Hi. I’m Ryan Myers. My aunt is expecting me.”

The woman’s over plucked brow arched as she looked at Ryan’s outstretched hand. After hesitating, she accepted the greeting with a faint smile. “Mrs. Myers-Howland mentioned you were coming. I’m Natalie.”

The woman reached for Ryan’s bag, but stopped when Ryan quickly grabbed it. “Don’t worry about it. I can manage.” Ryan smiled reassuringly at the woman.

Walking into the foyer of the house, Ryan was immediately taken back to her childhood. The scent of roses and lavender filled the space, and the dark maple wood floors shone to the point you thought you might slip on them. The pine wood paneling that lined the walls was accented with brass Tiffany lamps that ran throughout the house, the glass pattern of their shades matching the one on the front door. The ceiling on the first floor was high, with white decorative tin tiles, each embossed with an intricate wreath pattern.

“May I show you to your room? You can freshen up before seeing your family.” Natalie gestured toward the wide staircase to the left of the foyer.

Ryan looked down at herself. She was wearing a pair of brown, lace-up snow boots, faded blue jeans, a long sleeve gray Gap t-shirt, and her pea coat and scarf. She had stashed her gloves in her coat pockets when she first walked in.

“I’m fine. Just point me in the right direction, and I’ll get settled.” Ryan walked past Natalie without waiting for her response. Given the confused expression on the housekeeper’s face, though, Ryan knew she had committed a faux pas.

“Second door to your left, ma’am. I was told it was your room when you lived here.” Natalie stammered.

“Thanks.” Ryan trotted up the stairs with her suitcase. Rounding the corner to her room, she heard footsteps from down the hall and stopped.

“Hey there, cuz.” Andrew Howland was thirty years old, four years older than Ryan. He was a heavy set man whose brown hair was already thinning, and regardless of the time of year, he always had a pasty complexion.

“Hi, Andrew. Long time.” Ryan put her bag down as her cousin approached her.

“I heard you were coming.” Andrew had a folded copy of the Wall Street Journal in his hand that he laid down on the banister before wrapping his arms around Ryan. “You’re looking well.”

Ryan had never cared for her cousin. His hugs lasted too long, and he always appeared to have a slightly lascivious expression on his face. He had been a vindictive child growing up, and though she hadn’t interacted with him regularly in over six years, she couldn’t imagine his temperament had improved. He was thoroughly entrenched in the lifestyle and perceived privilege the Myers’ family wealth afforded him.

The man leaned away from a stiff Ryan, and put his hand on her shoulder. “I am so sorry about your mother.” He began kneading Ryan’s shoulder, and even through her coat, his touch made her squeamish.

“Thanks.” Ryan stepped back, nearly falling over her suitcase. “I’m going to put my stuff in the room, and then I’ll be down.”

Andrew feigned a concerned expression as Ryan grabbed her bag and disappeared down the hall. Once safely in the room, Ryan shuddered as she took her coat off, tossing it on the massive bed in the center of the room. The space was nearly as large as her Baltimore row house. He’s still a jackass.

Like the rest of the house, the bedroom was designed in a traditional style with dark woods throughout the space. Ryan wondered if her family had ever met a claw footed table or wing-backed chair they didn’t like.

There was a light knock on the door, and Ryan took a deep breath, bracing herself for what lay ahead.

“Ryan! I’m so glad you’re here.” Carol Howland rushed into the room, pulling Ryan into a warm embrace.

The two women had kept in touch since Ryan left New York. Carol had even managed to visit Ryan in Baltimore several times. Still, it had been over a year since she had seen Carol, and Ryan genuinely missed her cousin.

The two women had grown up together, and had often found trouble together. Ryan grinned, remembering the time she and Carol were suspended from the Birch Wathen Lenox school for smoking in the girls’ locker room.

Still holding Carol’s hand, Ryan smiled and took a step back. “Your Facebook photos don’t do you justice. You look wonderful.” The woman was a few inches shorter than Ryan with a lean build, chestnut shoulder length hair, and smooth alabaster skin. Two years in braces when she was fourteen had afforded her a beautifully straight, full smile.

Carol blushed. “You too. I’m just sorry we’re seeing each other again like this.”

Ryan felt her stomach sour. Since finding out two days ago that her mother had died, Ryan had very little time to contemplate how she felt about the untimely death of a woman she hadn’t seen in over six years.

“Me too. How are you holding up?” Ryan pulled Carol across the room, and the two women sat on the small loveseat in front of the lit fireplace.

Carol looked down at the floor. “My mother is beside herself with the planning. You know Lucy - everything has its place, and perception, perception, perception.”

Ryan did know her aunt. Though they had been close when she was younger, Lucy made no secret of the fact her priorities were always what was best for the Myers’ name. The individual was frequently lost in her aunt’s calculations.

Lucy’s pride was not without merit. The Myers’ genealogy could be traced back to the Mayflower, and their ancestors who traveled on it - Isaac Allerton and his wife Remembrance. Regardless, Ryan had always found Lucy’s blind reverence to family, and her zealous protection of it, disconcerting.

“Where is Lucy?” Ryan wanted to get the initial awkwardness of seeing her aunt for the first time in years over with. Her head was pounding just with the thought of it.

“She’s upstairs in her office, ordering enough flowers to start a nursery.” Carol took Ryan’s hand in hers. “Is this terrible for you?”

Ryan leaned back on the sofa. “Yes. I hadn’t talked to my mother in years, and to get your call that she had died -” The woman’s breath caught. It was the first time she had said that her mother was dead. “It was a shock.”

Ryan looked down at where her and her cousin’s hands were joined, and then, taking a deep breath, released the woman’s hand and stood. She knew eventually the regret of letting her and her mother’s relationship implode would catch up with her, and she dreaded it.

“I’m sorry, Ryan.” Carol’s voice broke as she stood and hugged the woman.

Ryan was grateful for the comfort. She didn’t know how the next few days would unfold, but she felt fortunate that Carol would be there with her.

***

Ryan made her way through the third level of the house toward her aunt’s study. The house was enormous by New York standards, and she remembered getting lost down its many halls and rooms as a child.

“Can I help you, ma’am?” Natalie’s voice came from behind Ryan as she stood outside the door to Lucy’s study.

Spinning around, Ryan was startled. “Ah, no. I’m just going to talk to my aunt.”

Natalie looked at the large oak door, and then back at Ryan. “She prefers if you knock.”

Ryan hesitated, and then slowly nodded. “Thanks.”

Waiting for Natalie to leave, Ryan turned back around, her hand hovering over the door. Christ, just knock. She had stood outside this door on more than one occasion as a child, waiting for her aunt to summon her. Carol, Andrew, and Ryan were forbidden to go into the room without an adult.

“There are things in my study that are none of your business, and you wouldn’t understand them anyway.” Lucy had chided Ryan and Carol after finding them hiding under her desk with several antique books strewn around them.

“But Mom, why can’t we look at the books?” Carol had insisted, her eight year old voice verging on a whine.

“Because I said so, and I’m the adult and the authority.” Lucy had looked down at her daughter, the tension in her voice making it clear she was cross with being challenged.

Now, remembering the sternness in her aunt’s voice, Ryan took a deep breath, and knocked. The thickness of the door muffled her rapping.

“Come in.” A man’s voice Ryan recognized as her uncle Derek’s responded from the other side of the door.

Ryan turned the brass door knob and slowly opened the door. The study ran the entire length of the townhouse along the backside of the third floor. It was originally servants’ quarters that Ryan’s grandfather had converted into a large library. Lucy had claimed the space as her study shortly after her father died.

The room was lined with floor to ceiling mahogany bookshelves, and the floor was a series of maple and mahogany inlays in a star pattern throughout the room. The Myers family had always put particular emphasis on education. To that end, the library was full of first edition and rare books from all over the world. It wasn’t uncommon to find several of the Myers’ treasures on loan at any of the countless museums throughout New York City.

“Ryan.” Lucy got up from behind a large dark maple French Regency style desk, her arms outstretched as she walked toward her niece.

Lucy Myers-Howland was two years older than Ryan’s mother had been. But unlike Karen, who had had dark hair and an olive tone to her skin, Lucy had dark blonde hair, with pale skin. She was 5’6”, and her hair was always immaculately styled and trimmed to just above her shoulders. Regardless of the time of day, the woman was always dressed like she was going to a high end restaurant.

By contrast, Derek Howland was an inch short of six feet tall, and his hair - like his son’s - was dark and thinning. Ryan had always thought it odd that in spite of the fact the man ran five miles a day, he was a bit on the heavy side. Karen had always attributed her brother-in-law’s portliness to the man’s affinity for dry martinis with practically every meal.

Lucy wrapped her arms around Ryan, and the scent of Clive Christian No. 1 wafted over her. Ryan’s aunt had worn the jasmine and vanilla scented perfume for as long as Ryan could remember. It wasn’t until Ryan was living in Baltimore that she came across a bottle of the fragrance while working a holiday season at Neiman Marcus. Ryan had nearly passed out when she saw the eight hundred and ninety five dollar price tag.

“How was your trip? Have you eaten? Did Natalie get you settled?” Lucy gushed as she looked Ryan up and down.

Ryan had mastered the art of allowing her aunt no less than three consecutive questions before even attempting a response. “The trip was fine. I haven’t eaten yet, but I can grab something from the kitchen. Natalie was very helpful.”

Lucy frowned. “I’m in shock. You must be -” The woman took a deep breath and releasing Ryan, fanned her hand in front of her face. “Oh, I told myself I wouldn’t cry until the funeral.” Lucy turned and leaned on the front of her desk. “I can cry when I’ve done right by my sister.”

“What happened, Aunt Lucy?” The call from Carol, and the subsequent rush to leave Baltimore, had left many questions unanswered for Ryan. This one was the most pertinent.

Lucy tilted her head back and took a deep breath. “She fell. She was getting into the bath, slipped, and – that was it.” She squeezed Ryan’s upper arms, and then took a step back, leaning on the edge of her desk.

Derek, who had been sitting on a brown, leather camelback sofa perpendicular to Lucy’s desk, stood up, his signature martini glass in hand. “I’m sorry about your mother. She and I didn’t always get on, but I liked her.”

Ryan nodded, knowing that was about as much as Derek was capable of. She wondered if his apathy was a result of his alcoholism, or if he had become an alcoholic out of apathy. Chicken or the egg? Ryan thought.

“So she drowned?” Ryan didn’t want to be morbid, but in spite of their falling out, how the woman who raised her died seemed to warrant more detail than simply she fell.

Lucy walked back around her desk and sat down. “Yes. She slipped getting into the bath, struck her head, and then drowned while unconscious.” Before Ryan could respond, Lucy continued. “I’ve asked Carol to help you with something to wear. There will be a viewing tomorrow night, and the services are scheduled for Wednesday.” Lucy turned and began thumbing through her appointment calendar. “I’ve ordered flowers from the family, and took the liberty of ordering an arrangement from you.”

Ryan felt tears welling up. Her chest suddenly felt very tight, and the air in the library seemed thick. The idea of her mother drowning to death in two feet of bath water brought bile to the back of Ryan’s throat. She wanted to be annoyed with Lucy over the attention she was paying to mundane details, but Ryan couldn’t muster the energy.

Lucy had always taken liberties with people under the guise of being helpful. Lucy seemed to be perpetually under-estimating people’s abilities to act on their own and in a manner up to her standards.

“Thank you for the flowers. I’ve brought my own clothes.” In the end, Ryan didn’t see the point of arguing. She was tired, and after the next few days wouldn’t see any more of her aunt than she had over the past six years.

Lucy put her hand on her hip, the platinum and diamond Cartier tennis bracelet dangling from her wrist. “I’m sure what you brought is fine, but fashions can vary. Particularly between New York and Baltimore.”

Lucy had always considered Ryan’s decision to move to Baltimore one of her more serious infractions. The city was founded by the working class, and had been built up through the hard work of factory laborers over the generations.

Ryan closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’ll give Carol final veto on the clothes. Is that fair?”

Lucy pursed her lips. “Okay.”

Ryan nodded. “I’m tired, and am going to take a nap before dinner.”

“Six o’clock sharp.” Lucy smiled.

“Always.” Ryan turned and left the room. She was already exhausted and she hadn’t even gotten to the funeral.

“Was she everything you remembered?” Carol was going up the stairs as Ryan descended.

“Picture of perfection.” Ryan teased.

Carol laughed. “And Dad?”

Ryan made a gesture as if she were swirling a glass and drinking from it.

Carol tisked. “The question is never if my father is drinking, but how many.”

Ryan squeezed Carol’s hand and quickly released it. “I’m going to lie down. Do you want to get a drink or something after dinner?”

Carol nodded, a broad smile on her lips. “After the past few days, I’m willing to give my father a run for his money.”

Ryan laughed as she made her way back to her room. Shutting the door behind her, she unlaced her boots, and kicked them to the side of the nightstand. Pulling the comforter back, she slid into the warm bed.

Ryan knew all families were inherently messy. People brought their own baggage into the mix, and managed to create new pitfalls and traumas along the way. She wondered if her family was unique in how they seemed to revel in the disasters.

Chapter 2

Ryan stood next to the black Cadillac XTS limousine with her hands buried deep in the pockets of her navy pea coat. The chill in the air cut through the thin fabric of her black boot cut slacks, and she was grateful for her coat as the thin gray, V-neck sweater she wore under it offered very little warmth.

She watched the stream of mourners wind their way through the headstones that peppered the Trinity Church Cemetery as they made their way to her mother’s gravesite. The cemetery had been established in the mid eighteen hundreds as the result of overcrowding in the original Trinity Church’s churchyard cemetery.

Though sparse from the last pangs of winter, the gently rolling hills and maple trees that peppered the cemetery offered a stark contrast to the concrete and steel of the city that surrounded the cemetery. Ryan thought if it weren’t for the headstones and mausoleums she might imagine she was in a lovely park.

Ryan stared at one of the nearby gray brick and concrete mausoleums. Her eyes felt heavy and dry from a fitful night of sleep. The name Astor came into focus, the word carved into the stone in large block letters.

Ryan told herself she needed to walk, but her feet seemed unwilling to move her forward. Lucy had already chastised her when Ryan had asked for a few minutes before taking her seat with the rest of the family. Carol had managed to distract her mother, and spare Ryan the irritation, by complimenting Lucy on the beautiful floral arrangements that had adorned the church during services.

“It’s what Karen would have wanted. She simply adored flowers.” Lucy had wiped at an invisible tear with the pressed silk handkerchief she had been carrying with her all morning.

Carol nodded, and looking up at Ryan, smirked. Both women knew Karen’s affinity for nature, and how active she had been throughout her life with local botanical groups. Carol and Ryan also knew the last thing Karen would have wanted was countless flowers and vines, in essence, killed for her sake.

“It’s all so lovely, Mother.” Carol placed her hand on the small of her mother’s back, and guided the woman toward the cemetery.

“I’ll wait with you.” Ryan hadn’t realized Andrew was standing next to her. His nose was red from the cold.

“It’s okay. I just need a minute on my own.” Ryan forced gratitude into her voice, but the truth was she loathed her cousin, and his attentions were, especially today, unbearable.

Shrugging, Andrew began walking after his sister and mother. “Suit yourself.”

Now, Ryan wasn’t sure she could move at all. Though the air felt thin with the cold, an unimaginable weight was pushing down on her, and she thought she might break. Her mother was dead. People had stood up and attested to it for the past hour in front of God and some of the wealthiest people in New York. Individuals Ryan didn’t know talked about how wonderful her mother had been, and how selflessly she had given of her time and resources.

Ryan had been shocked at how angry the scene had made her. She imagined she had inadvertently wandered into a stranger’s funeral. She didn’t know the person they were talking about. Her mother had been cynical and judgmental. Her mother had been selfish, and tried for years to shape Ryan into her own image, with no consideration or compassion for the person her daughter was or wanted to be.

Ryan tilted her head up. The sky was partly cloudy and it smelled like it might rain. Standing next to the car, she couldn’t remember when she had started crying. She wiped at her face with the back of her gloved hand, the rough leather texture scratching at her cheeks.

“Would you like a tissue, miss?” The middle aged limousine driver was standing next to Ryan, a pastel colored box of tissue held out in front of him. “There’s water in the car if you would like.”

Ryan pulled a tissue from the box and wiped her nose. “No, thank you.” She managed a weak smile at the kind man before taking a tentative step forward.

“It’s done so quickly.” The man said casually.

Turning her head, Ryan looked at the driver. “The day has been a whirlwind.”

The man grinned. “No, miss. Life. Life is done so quickly.” Shaking his head, the driver turned and walked back around the car.

Ryan felt an odd calm wash over her as she crumpled the tissue and put it in her pocket. She would be through this in relative seconds, compared to the entirety of her life. She would feel hollow, stripped and inside out, but then she wouldn’t. She would resign herself to having only known a portion of her mother, a small spot in what was certainly an expansive woman.

As she walked down the slight hill toward where her mother was to spend the rest of eternity, Ryan was able to let go of her anger from earlier. Regardless of her mother’s failings, she had many successes too. Her mother was riddled with contradictions, but Ryan couldn’t think of anyone that wasn’t.

“You okay?” Carol took Ryan’s hand as she sat down in one of the narrow wooden chairs that lined the opening to her mother’s grave.

Squeezing Carol’s hand, Ryan was grateful for her cousin, her friend. “I’m good.”

Glancing around Carol, Ryan saw Lucy, head lowered, real tears having finally found her. “Aunt Lucy.” The woman was startled as Ryan reached for her hand. “Thank you for doing this. Mom would be thrilled.”

Lucy smiled. In spite of the crying, her make-up was perfect as she dabbed at her wet cheeks. “Thank you.”

“Friends and family, as we gather to pay our respects…” The pastor’s voice faded into the background as Ryan’s eyes scanned the large crowd. She and her mother hadn’t spoken for over six years, and with the exception of a few distant cousins, Ryan didn’t recognize any of the mourners.

Her eyes stopped, and it was several seconds before Ryan was able to process who she was seeing. Standing near the back of the crowd, her face partially obscured by the collar of a black Chesterfield coat, was the woman from the train.

Ryan’s mind raced as she recalled their brief exchange. The woman had said she was coming to New York to visit a friend. Apparently the friend was actually Ryan’s mother. The coincidence made her head spin.

“What’s wrong?” Carol had taken notice of Ryan tightening her grip around her hand, and her cousin’s focused gaze across the sea of mourners.

Leaning in, Ryan whispered in Carol’s ear. “The blonde woman, with her coat collar popped. Over there.” She struggled not to point. “Here name is Leah. Do you know her?”

Carol’s eyes scanned the crowd. “I don’t know her, but I don’t know half the people here.”

Ryan leaned back in the chair, and couldn’t take her eyes off of Leah. After several minutes, Leah’s eyes found Ryan, and a look of recognition, quickly followed by shock, flashed across the blonde’s face.

Ryan managed a polite smile, and fought the temptation to get up and walk over to Leah. She wanted to know how she knew her mother, and was she as amazed at the coincidence as Ryan was. Mostly though, Ryan was happy to have another chance to talk to the woman, and maybe get to know her.

You can’t seriously be thinking about picking a practical stranger up at your mother’s funeral? Ryan chastised herself, a blush shooting up her neck.

Twenty minutes later, Ryan fought her way through a sea of people, each intent on offering their condolences, toward Leah. The blonde was halfway back to the cemetery’s service road when Ryan caught up to her.

“Leah. Hey, Leah.” Ryan was trying not to yell at the woman, but subtlety wasn’t working. “Leah!”

The blonde stopped, and after a second, turned to face Ryan. “Ryan.”

“Yeah, hi.” Ryan couldn’t help but smile, relieved the woman remembered her name. “Why are you here?”

Leah looked over Ryan’s shoulder at the disbanding group of mourners. “Karen’s funeral.” Leah looked at Ryan, her eyes narrowing. “Are you family?”

Ryan nodded. “Her daughter.”

Leah gasped, and then quickly covered her mouth as she took a step back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know she had a daughter.”

Ryan tried not to be hurt by the fact one of her mother’s friends didn’t even know she existed. “We had a falling out, so we hadn’t spoken in years.”

Leah had managed to regain her composure, and nodded. “I hadn’t seen her in years either.” The blonde looked toward the gravesite, her eyes filling with tears. “Nearly thirty years.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “Oh. That’s a long time.” She had never been a fan of math, but even she knew those numbers didn’t add up. Her mother was forty five when she died, and Leah couldn’t be a day over thirty five.

“Leah Brewer.” Lucy’s voice was curt and biting as she walked up to Ryan and Leah.

“Hello, Lucy.” Leah’s politeness was forced. It was clear to Ryan from the icy stares the two women hated each other. “You’re looking well.”

Lucy linked her arm through Ryan’s as she looked Leah up and down. “Time has been good to you, Leah.”

Ryan wasn’t sure what was going on. She had never heard of Leah before. But given the daggers her aunt was now shooting at the beautiful blonde, Ryan wondered what the history between these two was. “Ah, how do you know each other?”

Lucy huffed. “Leah and your mother were best friends. Ages ago.”

Leah frowned as she looked at Ryan. “I’m sorry about your mother. Take care.” She looked suspiciously at Lucy. “Nice to see you again, Lucy.”

“Likewise.” Lucy pulled a confused Ryan back toward the gravesite.

“Wait.” Ryan slipped her arm free of her aunt, and followed after Leah. “Leah, please.”

The blonde stopped, her shoulders slouched as she turned to face Ryan. “I really should be going.”

Ryan instinctively reached for the woman’s hand. The chill of the day evaporated as a surge of heat rolled up her arm. Both women looked down at where their hands were joined. “Can’t we talk for a minute?”

Before Leah could answer, Lucy was standing next to Ryan. “Ryan, the car is waiting and so are our guests.”

Ryan sighed. “Give me five minutes, please.”

Lucy reached for Ryan’s hand, and stepped between Leah and her. “I have indulged you enough, what with your mother’s death, but I will not let you embarrass the family by delaying us further.”

Ryan’s annoyance with her aunt’s interference was rapidly morphing into anger when she watched a small trickle of blood come from Lucy’s right nostril. “Jesus, Aunt Lucy, your nose.”

Reaching up with her gloved hand, Lucy dabbed at the blood, and then quickly brought her silk handkerchief up to her nose. “I’ll see you at the car.” Without looking back at Leah, the woman briskly walked away.

“I am sorry about your mother, Ryan.” Leah had released Ryan’s hand, and was stepping back. “Please take care of yourself.”

“I’ll walk you to your car.” Ryan had never considered herself a pushy person, but she was having difficulty letting Leah leave.

“I’m just walking over to Broadway to catch a cab.” Leah put her hands in her coat pockets as she walked away from Ryan.

Taking a few long strides, Ryan fell into step with Leah. “I’ll walk with you.”

Shaking her head, Leah stopped. “Look, I don’t want to be rude -”

Ryan grinned. “Then don’t be. I can’t imagine it suits you.”

Leah’s cheeks flushed, and she chewed nervously on the inside of her lower lip. “You can walk me to the street, and that’s it, right?”

Ryan crossed her heart with her index finger. “Promise.”

“Well, come on then.” Leah began to quickly walk toward the wrought iron gate at the eastern side of the cemetery.

“So you and my mom were friends?” Ryan managed to sound casual, even though a thousand questions were shooting through her head.

“Yes.” Leah pulled her coat collar tighter around her face.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look really great for -” Ryan hesitated, not sure how she should state the obvious.

“Forty five.” Leah shook her head. “I’m forty five, and Karen - your mother and I – went to high school together.”

The two women reached the busy street, and Leah stepped to the curb, her arm extended as she attempted to hail a cab.

A man’s heavy hand landed on Ryan’s shoulder. “Shit, there you are. Let’s go. My mother is so pissed with you that she’s having kittens in the limo.”

Andrew wiped at his nose with the palm of his gloved hand as he looked over at Leah. Ryan’s skin crawled as she saw the lecherous look he gave the beautiful woman.

“I’m coming. Christ, Andrew.” Ryan’s irritation with having been handled for the better part of the day by her family was reaching a boiling point, and her asshole cousin was about to be the recipient of her anger.

“Who’s your friend?” Andrew, oblivious to Ryan’s annoyance, stepped around her, and into Leah’s personal space.

“Leah. She was a friend of my mother’s.” Ryan wanted this man to leave them alone. “Have the car pulled around. I’ll meet you here.” She hoped her abrupt tone would give Andrew the hint to leave.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, Andrew smirked. “Let me just call Carol, and she can have the car pulled around.” He smiled at Leah, who continued looking for a cab. “I can wait with you two.”

Leah turned toward Andrew, and Ryan saw a glint of mischief cross the woman’s light green eyes as she took a step toward Andrew. “Hi. I’m Leah.”

Andrew, forgetting his phone for the moment, slipped the device back into his jacket pocket as he reached for Leah’s hand. “Andrew Howland. Plea -”

Before Andrew could finish the introductions, he began to sneeze. Much to Ryan’s amusement, he sneezed not once, but five consecutive times until the man stumbled backward, wiping furiously at his nose and eyes.

“Shit! These fucking allergies.” His eyes were watering profusely as he struggled to breathe through his mouth. “We’ll pull around for you.” Three more sneezes, and Andrew disappeared through the cemetery gate.

“Allergies can be tough.” Leah spoke from just behind Ryan.

Turning around, Ryan was pleasantly surprised to find Leah standing within a few feet of her. “He’s a shit. Sorry about that.” She wanted to hug the woman, and fought the urge, knowing how completely inappropriate it was.

Leah stepped back, and catching a cab out of the corner of her eye, turned and waved the driver over. “I’m sorry again about your mother.”

Ryan watched as the beautiful woman stepped into the cab, and disappeared into the bustle of New York. Standing on the sidewalk, Ryan felt strangely euphoric, and far happier than the day warranted. She and Leah lived in the same city, and when Ryan got back to her life, she intended to look Leah up.

***

“I, Karen Remembrance Myers, being of sound mind and health, do hereby declare that this document is my last will and testament.” The family’s attorney, Michael Johannes, was a wisp of a man. He had a penchant for six thousand dollar black Brioni suits, but his slight frame always left the tailored garments looking bunched and oversized.

Ryan was sitting in her aunt’s library along with Carol, Andrew, Lucy, and three second cousins she didn’t know, nor cared to remember their names. This was the last thing she had to do before she could go home, and the reading of her mother’s will couldn’t be over fast enough for her liking.

A portion of her mother’s estate had already been allocated to various charities throughout the New York area. The reading that Ryan now suffered through was specific to personal effects and members of the family’s inheritance.

“To my sister, Lucille Constance Myers-Howland, I leave ten percent of my estate, along with my Bvlgari jewelry.” Glancing up, Ryan saw the surprised and unhappy expression on her aunt’s face. Clearly, she had expected something more.

“To my nephew, Andrew Roman Howland, I leave my coin collection. It was his grandfather’s, who requested I pass it along upon my death.” Andrew tisked, and indignantly slouched in his chair as Mr. Johannes slowly turned the page. Ryan struggled to sit still, the formality of the reading was stifling, and the lack of gratitude sickening.

“To my dear niece, Carolyn Remembrance Howland, I leave ten percent of my estate, along with my home in Cape Cod, Massachusetts.”

A broad smile spread across Carol’s lips as she reached for Ryan’s hand. “I loved summers there with you and your mother.” Ryan squeezed her cousin’s hand affectionately, and turned her attentions back to the attorney.

“To my daughter, Ryan Haley Myers…” Ryan felt a knot form in her throat, and her heart began to pound in her chest. It had been over six years since her mother had referred to her as her daughter, and the simple words brought tears to Ryan’s eyes.

“…I leave the remaining portion of my estate, along with all remaining real property not already accounted for in this will.” Ryan’s mouth hung open in shock, a low hum in her ears as she watched the attorney shuffle the documents and insert them into a brown leather portfolio.

Ryan and her mother had not so much as exchanged emails in six years; so for her to even remember her in her will, much less leave her such a sizable portion of her estate, rendered Ryan speechless. Their relationship had not just gone badly, it had emphatically ended badly.

“I will not let you ruin this family!” Karen screeched at her twenty one year old daughter. “You will fall into line this instant!”

Ryan had stood in her mother’s study, tears streaming down her face, her lungs burning as she gasped for air. “I will not.”

Karen had gotten up from the leather club style sofa that sat along the back wall of the wood paneled room. Taking the bottle of twenty one year old Balvenie scotch from the silver drink caddy, the enraged woman filled her crystal highball glass to the rim.

“You have no idea the obligations we face.” Karen took a long drink from her glass. “Our lives are not our own, Ryan.”

“I don’t want any of this.” Ryan looked around the opulent room, with the priceless Rembrandt hanging over the thirty thousand dollar rug, and the oak writing desk that Teddy Roosevelt had given her great grandfather. All Ryan could see were bars and pitfalls.

Karen laughed. “Want? What makes you think we have choices here, girl?”

Her mother had always been hateful when challenged, but Ryan had never heard such venom coming from the woman before. “I just want to be left alone. I’ll make my own way.”

Karen set the half empty glass on the drink caddy with a clank and crossed the room. Her shoulders squared and her back stiffened as she glared at her only child. “Don’t you think I’ve wanted that too? In what world do you imagine I would allow you something that I was denied?”

Ryan didn’t understand what her mother was talking about. Her entire life, she had always thought her mother was dignified and committed to the family and everything that implied. Now, the woman in front of her was a stranger - bitter, resentful and spiteful.

“I don’t know your life, Mother. I want my own, though.” Ryan was shocked by the strength of her convictions. She had rarely stood up to her mother, much less openly disagreed with her.

“You’re a whore.” The words fell casually from Karen’s lips as she backed toward the drink caddy, and picking her scotch up, she took a long drink.

A prickling started at the base of Ryan’s neck, and heat began radiating out from it and through her entire body. When she spoke, her words were calm, her voice barely a whisper. “What did you say to me?”

The drunk woman hesitated, but then leveled her gaze at her daughter. “I said you’re a whore.” Karen tilted her head back, emptying the glass. “You forget yourself over a girl. You forget your family, our heritage, our history - for a piece of ass.”

Tears streamed down Ryan’s face, and she forced her words past the lump in her throat. “I’m leaving this house, and I’m leaving you.” Ryan walked toward the door. “I don’t know what choices you’ve made that have left you so angry and so bitter, but I will not be a victim of your tragedies.”

Ryan had been home for spring break and had walked to her room, repacked her bags, gathered a few personal possessions, and left the house. It was the last time she had spoken to her mother.

Over the years, Ryan had kept in touch with Carol, and by default had heard bits and pieces about the family. Her mother had apparently never spoken to anyone about their falling out. In fact, it was only after Ryan explained to Carol what happened that her Aunt Lucy was made aware of the situation.

“Ryan, honey, you need to come home. We love you. I know you think the friends you have now will be there forever, but family is truly the only thing that lasts.” Lucy had pleaded with Ryan over the phone.

“I just can’t be who she wants me to be, Aunt Lucy.” Ryan wasn’t thrilled that Carol had broken down, and no doubt under duress, told her mother everything.

“I’m sure this - this girl you’re seeing is just a phase.”

Ryan slammed her eyes shut. “Aunt Lucy, a person isn’t a phase. Anyway, even if Samantha and I don’t last, guess what - I’m still a lesbian.”

“You hush now, that’s a terrible word.” Lucy lowered her voice. “Lesbian.”

Ryan had nearly laughed. “I have to go, Aunt Lucy. Bye.”

“That’s surprising.” Carol’s voice interrupted Ryan’s reminiscing.

“What?” Ryan looked at Carol.

“The will. I wouldn’t have thought.” Carol was struggling to find the words.

“Oh, right. That.” Ryan shrugged. “Weird.”

Andrew walked up. “Weird? Really, Ryan?” Rolling his eyes, he looked intently at his cousin. “She doesn’t talk to you for six years because you’re a dyke -”

“Hey, Andrew!” Carol interrupted. “Shut your filthy mouth.”

“Fuck you, Carol.” Andrew stepped between his sister and Ryan, scowling at his cousin. “I kissed her ass after you left, and I get a lousy coin collection she was forced to leave me.”

“Drop it, Andrew.” Carol put her hand on her brother’s shoulder.

Shrugging Carol’s hand off, Andrew took a step closer to Ryan, who refused to concede an inch to the incensed man. “I should have gotten mine.”

“If you don’t get out of my face, you’re going to get yours right in the nuts, cuz.” Ryan’s tone was sharp, her blue eyes piercing. She had dealt with this bully all of her life, and she wasn’t about to lose this fight.

Andrew’s eyes widened, and he took a step back. “Fucking dyke.” Turning, he quickly left the room.

Carol pulled Ryan into a hug. “I’m so sorry.”

Ryan shook her head, and leaned back. “It’s not even about me. He’s just an unhappy asshole.”

Carol laughed, and wiped an errant tear from her cheek. “It’s true.”

“Carol.” Lucy stood in the doorway of the library. “I need to speak with you.”

Rolling her eyes, Carol stepped away from Ryan. “Don’t you dare leave without saying goodbye.”

Ryan grinned. “Promise.”

She couldn’t image two more different people than Andrew and Carol, but Ryan felt fortunate to have Carol in her life. She hoped they might see more of each other now the awkwardness of trying to avoid her mother was no longer an obstacle.

“Ms. Myers.” Michael Johannes stood behind Ryan, a sealed manila envelope in his hand. “You’re mother left instructions to give this to you separately, and while we were alone.”

Ryan took the envelope from the man. “What is it?”

“I don’t know for certain. She had me inventory it as an antique book.” The man turned and began sliding paperwork into his leather mailbag. “You will receive several certified letters over the next few weeks. You will need to provide wiring instructions, and/or authorize the numerous accounts to remain as is with the necessary ownership changes.” The attorney turned to face Ryan. “I would also recommend you get yourself a good tax attorney.”

Ryan turned the envelope over in her hands. It was heavy. “I’m sorry, what?”

The man smiled. “I don’t think you understand what’s happened here today, Ms. Myers.” The man reached for Ryan’s hand, his slim fingers encircling hers. “You’ve just inherited over twenty million dollars, and that doesn’t include the five properties. In total -” The man looked out of the corner of his eye, clearly adding numbers up in his head. “Nearly fifty million dollars.”

Ryan was, once again, rendered speechless. She knew her family was wealthy, but it had always been considered in poor taste to discuss actual numbers. That, and the fact she had disassociated from the family before she would have had to know the financial details, made the number the attorney now gave her all the more surreal.

“I - I had no idea.” Ryan felt sick to her stomach. She hadn’t wanted any of her mother’s money, and the obligations and responsibilities that came with it. It would seem though, in spite of Ryan’s best efforts, her mother had managed to snare her anyway.

“I wouldn’t generally say this, but having spoken with Karen on several occasions, and -” The man hesitated before continuing. “And knowing a bit about you and she’s situation, Karen had confided in me her hopes that you would put the money to practical and philanthropic uses.”

Ryan’s eyes shot up to Mr. Johannes’ face. “What?”

The man shrugged, and took a step toward the door. “She said you were the most decent of the lot, and would make something out of yourself.” The attorney left the room, and a stunned Ryan.

Ryan’s knees buckled and she sat with a plop on the Queen Anne style chair. Her mother had always been so critical of her. Even as a child, she was constantly being reminded of the importance of appearance, manners, and breeding. In return, and in spite of her best efforts, Ryan had always felt she fell short in her mother’s expectations.

In the end, her mother had chosen to hold her above the whirl and wrath. She recognized her not only as her daughter, but as a person capable of something good and right. Ryan knew, in that moment, she had no real idea what her mother had endured, and they had treated each other badly. It was as much because of Ryan’s ignorance of her mother’s life as it was her mother’s willful disregard of Ryan’s.

Chapter 3

Ryan sighed heavily as she sank down into her window seat on the Baltimore bound train. She looked around, half expecting to see Leah. In spite of the absurdities of the past four days, Ryan’s mind still wandered to the beautiful blonde, and her connection to her family.

Looking down at her lap, Ryan turned the large manila envelope over. Her name was scrawled across the front in her mother’s meticulous script. Now’s as good a time as any.

Running her index finger under the fold of the envelope, Ryan opened it and pulled a brown leather bound book from inside. The book was worn along the spine, and a thin leather band was wrapped around the center of the book to keep it closed.

Arching her eyebrow in curiosity, Ryan turned the book over. The smoothness of the leather and its weight made it feel substantial in her hands. Her fingers trembled as she struggled to untie the knot in the leather band, and she stopped, flexing them several times before continuing.

It’s not the secrets of the universe, for heaven’s sake. It’s probably family recipes. How to get the perfect pie crust. That sort of crap.

Ryan took several breaths, and finally managed to get the knot untied. Putting the band in the empty seat next to her, she slowly opened the book’s cover. Looking at the neat, tightly aligned script, Ryan realized it wasn’t a book at all. It was a diary.

***

Diary of Remembrance Patience Allerton

Plymouth Colony

14 January 1628

The winter has been particularly harsh. Snow drifts have blocked the main path to and from the village. I lay awake at night, the sound of the wind howling, sending chills along my backside. I have found worry and dread are my mainstays now, though Isaac assures me we will last the winter, spring, on into the year and beyond.

In spite of my husband’s reassurances, I was awakened this morning by a dreadful sound of what I thought was a woman crying out in pain. One of our mares had gone into labor early, and Isaac was out in the barn with our servant William trying to ease her through it. It is tragic, but the poor animal died, along with her foal. Isaac is beside himself with the loss of the mare, and the compensation we had expected from her offspring.

It brings to mind my own circumstance, and fills me with dismay as I ought to think about my own unborn child, and the fear that I should not survive its birth. Worse still, should the child perish along with me, and poor Isaac be left alone.

My only comfort in this is my midwife, Margery. Though three years my junior at only seventeen, she seems to me wise beyond those years. I confide to her my darkest thoughts and fears, and she assures me they are baseless. My child, she says, will be fine.

“Your baby with be born without incident, and you and your husband will make fine parents.” Margery promised as she held my hand the night before last. We sat huddled near the small fireplace in the main room of our home, and between the warmth of the fire and Margery’s kind words, I did feel better.

***

20 January 1628

I overheard Isaac speaking with Goodman Talis this morning. My husband did not realize I was walking from the privy back to the house, otherwise, I cannot imagine he would have been speaking of such things.

“I have not the stocks to get the animals through the winter.” Isaac’s voice was strained as I had never heard before. “If you do not provide me the credit I need, the animals – and in return my wife and unborn child – will not survive the winter.”

My heart felt as if it might burst, and there was a terrible souring in my stomach. My beloved Isaac is a proud man, and though Goodman Talis was a dear friend and business partner of Isaac’s father, his assistance comes at a high price.

“I said you need not worry, Remembrance!” Isaac’s voice had risen above the howling wind as I confronted him that evening about the state of our affairs.

“But I do worry, husband – and how can you tell me not to when I heard your pleading with Goodman Talis this very afternoon?” My voice had broken and I felt as if I might faint from the heat in my face.

“What you heard was nothing more than a bartering amongst business partners.” Isaac’s voice was softer, kinder as he took my hand in his. “I would not lie to you, wife.”

My eyes filled with tears, for I wanted so very much to believe him, but my common sense did not allow me to so easily push my concerns aside. I touched gently Isaac’s cheek, his warmth and confidence providing me my only comfort.

I am reminded of our time together during the passage from England. Though already eight years past, I can still so clearly remember fear of the unknown as we made our way across a vast ocean. Isaac had reassured me then, much as he does now, that we would not perish.

Like his father, Isaac’s confidence in his own abilities is what drew me to him. Though I am fifteen years younger, he has always treated me with genuine respect and love. It is something I do not take for granted as I see the women around me struggle with dismissive, rude, and outright hostile husbands.

It is because of this history, and the love I have for my husband, that I will trust his judgment as I have in all things.

***

22 January 1628

Margery arrived today, in spite of the frigid conditions, with her mother. Goody Sebille was widowed three winters ago when her husband fell overboard from his small boat while fishing in Russell Pond. I remember hearing news of the tragedy, and being perplexed as the day had been calm, and I seem to recall Goodman Sebille being an excellent swimmer.

Alas, the mild currents pushed him to the bottom of the pond, and it was late summer before he was found. Bless Goody Sebille for she had witnessed her husband’s fall and untimely death. I am loath to admit this, as the poor man met an unseemly death, but he was rather the brute, and the town is better for not having him around.

“Goody Allerton, you are looking wonderful!” Margery had been more formal than our relationship warranted, and I assumed it was because her mother would not approve of her referring to me by my Christian name as she works for me.

Sadly though, the informality I enjoyed with Margery was something I looked forward to, and though I didn’t begrudge her the company of her mother, I felt my own enjoyment of the visit would not hold up.

“Goody Sebille, I have not seen you since council a fortnight ago.” I greeted the older woman, who quickly made her way to the fire to warm herself.

“I have been ill, or did my daughter not tell you?” The woman had looked at her daughter with such disdain, I feared they might have words in front of me.

“Of course she did, and I am glad you are feeling better.” I took Margery’s wrap, a quick smile passed between us as she was clearly grateful for my lie. “You are better, yes?”

Nodding, Goody Sebille recounted her illness, and then asked for mulled ale, indicating her stomach was still prone to spasms. She then took a seat in the chair usually reserved for Isaac.

“My mother can be a burden, but she refused to stay behind this morning.” Margery apologized as I prepared the ale over the stove. “I told her she should not risk the cold given her recent illness, but she can be stubborn.”

“I am happy for the company.” The truth was Isaac had been otherwise occupied with the dealings of the farm, and had spent the past two nights in the town to avoid the nearly blizzard like conditions that had taken hold in the area.

Though our servant William was a friendly enough man, propriety dictated he and I maintain very little contact outside the company of either my husband or another woman. Though I respect the custom, and surely do not wish to put my virtue into question, the days had been lonely.

“Are you having some as well?” I asked Margery while I poured her mother’s hot ale into a clay mug. Margery had declined, but I had always enjoyed Isaac’s family’s ale recipe. It was spicy and smelled of nutmeg when heated. I looked forward to any opportunity to enjoy a mug.

I was happy to pass the late morning with Margery and her mother, and it wasn’t until nearly noon that I began to feel tired. Margery insisted I rest, and that she and her mother needed to go. I was sad to lose the company, but grateful for the rest.

“When is your husband expected back?” Goody Sebille had asked as she wrapped her heavy shawl over her head and shoulders.

“I expect him back tonight.” I handed Margery her wrap, and dreaded opening the door as the cold from outside was already seeping into the house and into me. Both mother and daughter nodded, and Margery said her goodbyes quickly as her mother hurried through the door.

It was the strangest thing as they left. The snow was blowing in sheets across the fields like a fine dust, but as I watched the two women make their way over the small drifts, the snow seemed to lessen wherever their feet fell.

I admit the light was dim, and my eyes may have failed me, but it was as if the snow itself parted for them. What a thing!

***

Ryan stepped down onto the train platform. Looking up at the digital clock near the end of the walkway, she couldn’t believe it was only nine in the morning. Before putting her coat and gloves on, Ryan slid the diary back into its envelope and secured it in the front zipper pocket of her Samsonite bag.

So far Ryan had found the entries interesting. Her ancestor was clearly well versed, and during her studies, Ryan had read other accounts of how absolutely terrified women of the day were to give birth. If Ryan was remembering correctly, the mortality rate was as high as four percent, compared to current rates in developed countries of around a tenth of a percent. Back in the day, getting pregnant was one of the more dangerous things a woman could do.

Winding her way through the congestion of Baltimore’s Penn Station, Ryan felt more like herself now that she was back home. She had never realized her affinity for the mostly working-class city, but after the trials and tribulations of New York, the laid back atmosphere of Charm City was much more dear to her.

“You made it!” Nicole Wright was standing in the passenger loading and unloading zone next to her 1997 white, Subaru Legacy station wagon. She was twenty seven years old, and just shy of 5’5” tall with a classic hourglass figure. Ryan had always admired her alabaster skin, light brown eyes, and long, thick, chestnut hair.

The two women had been roommates for nearly two years. They rented a two bedroom/two bath row house in the Canton neighborhood in the southeastern section of Baltimore. What had started out as a convenient economic solution for both of the cash strapped students had quickly blossomed into a genuine friendship.

“I barely made it, friend.” Ryan opened the rear passenger door of the station wagon and slid her suitcase into the backseat, taking care to avoid the stack of paperwork and the laptop strewn across the bench seat. Nicole had just began a new job at a local engineering firm, and in spite of her ambition, drive, and intelligence, she was one of the messiest people Ryan knew.

Ryan slid into the passenger seat next to Nicole, and latched her seatbelt. Nicole put her hand on Ryan’s forearm, her eyes filled with concern. “Was it really terrible?”

Ryan exhaled. “It was nice to see Carol. That’s about all I can say.” She had so much more to share, but had decided on the train she wouldn’t mention the inheritance until she knew what she wanted to do about it.

Never one to linger in melancholy, or allow others to, Nicole smiled broadly as she put the car into drive. “It’s early, hon. Let’s pop over to Sip and Bite for breakfast.” Checking her blind spot, Nicole deftly maneuvered the Subaru into traffic.

Laying her head back against the cloth head rest, Ryan grinned. “Sounds perfect.”

“You’ve got your interview tomorrow, yes?” Nicole slipped her oversized tortoise shell sunglasses on as they sat at a stop light.

Nodding, Ryan kept her eyes closed. In spite of the cold weather, it was a clear day, and the intense sunlight was giving Ryan a headache. “Can I still borrow your car?” She had never thought to get her own car. Parking in the city was difficult and could be costly. There had been many frigid winter mornings waiting for the MTA bus that Ryan envied the people who could afford the off street parking, and the cars that went along with it.

“Of course.” Nicole smiled. “What time is it?”

“Nine o’clock sharp on Monday morning. How alert do you think either of us will be?”

Nicole chuckled. “You could talk community planning three pints in and on two hours of sleep.”

Ryan rolled her head to the side, and squinting looked at her friend. “You flatter me.”

Nicole shook her head. “You’re too modest.”

“Humble.” Ryan smiled. “It’s a rare thing these days.”

Nicole swerved to miss an encroaching cyclist. “Bastard.” Muttering, she moved back into the right lane. “Humble? Seriously? You’re like the smartest person I know.”

Ryan closed her eyes again. “You have a very small, select group of confused people in your social circle is all.”

“Speaking of - Greg called me three times while you were gone. Checking in on me, he says.” Nicole huffed. Greg Mathews was a strapping twenty eight year old, who was a tall, blond haired marathon runner. He was fresh out of the University of Maryland Law School, and gainfully employed at one of the more prestigious firms in Baltimore. And he was hopelessly in love with Nicole.

“You poor thing.” Ryan feigned pouting. Nicole and she had met Greg through the Baltimore Sports and Social Club when the three of them were assigned to the same flag football team. For Greg, it was love at first sight, but Nicole tended to play the field. The idea of settling down while still in her twenties was the furthest thing from her mind.

“Hey, don’t joke. He’s stalker material.” Nicole quickly maneuvered the car into a tight spot across the street from Sip and Bite.

“Please, Nic. We’ve known Greg for over a year. He’s decent, funny, and even by my standards - hot.” Ryan unhooked her seat belt. “Let him stalk away.”

The two women trotted across Boston Street towards the chrome plated Sip and Bite. From the outside, the restaurant, which had opened in 1948, still retained the look of a diner. The menu was eclectic, the food good, and most importantly, inexpensive.

“Why do you look at the menu?” Ryan asked as she sipped her black coffee.

“You never know. Something new might pop out at me.” Nicole scanned the laminated menu book.

“You’ve ordered the same thing for the past two years.” Ryan teased. “Sausage gravy and buttermilk biscuits. Eggs. Over easy.”

Nicole put the menu down. “I appreciate tradition.” She took a drink of her orange juice, but not before playfully sticking her tongue out at Ryan.

“What are we having, ladies?” Tracey, a middle age African-American woman, had been waiting on Ryan and Nicole since they first started coming to the restaurant. Only a few blocks from their house, the Sip and Bite made for great late night snack runs, and early morning hangover cures.

“French toast with a side of scrambled eggs, please.” Ryan smiled as she handed the waitress her menu.

Nicole quickly scanned the menu. “I - let me have - oh, crap. Give me my usual.” She handed Tracey the menu without looking up.

Chuckling, the waitress shoved her pen behind her right ear and tucked the two menus under her arm. “Just won me a five dollar bet.”

Nicole blushed. “Perfect.”

Ryan smiled. This wasn’t the first time the staff had given Nicole grief over her predictability. The familiarity of it, this place, the people, made the last four days fade a little further into the background for Ryan.

“You look too serious. What’s wrong?” Nicole looked intently at her friend.

Ryan shrugged. “Just glad to be home.”

Covering Ryan’s hand with hers, Nicole smiled. “You were missed. Another day and I might have given in, and actually gone out with Greg.”

Ryan eyed her friend suspiciously. “Something just occurred to me. You’ve been very careful - considerate almost - about not asking too many questions about the trip.”

Leaning back, Nicole ran her index finger over the Formica table top. “I’m nothing if not considerate.” She looked out of the top of her eyes at Ryan. “And you could reward my patience by - telling me everything.”

Shrugging, Ryan wasn’t sure what she was ready to share. “My mom died. We hadn’t talked in over six years, and honestly hadn’t known each other for even longer.” Her voice faltered, and Ryan took a quick sip of coffee.

“Hey, if it’s too soon.” Nicole said, her eyes full of worry.

Shaking her head, Ryan continued. “It’s fine. The house was the same as I remembered it. Huge and lavish, and everything was too much.” Rolling her eyes, she thought about Andrew. “And my lecherous cousin Andrew was exactly the same.”

“But you got to see Carol.” Nicole offered hopefully.

“I did. She’s wonderful, and with any luck can make it down for a visit in May.”

“And the infamous Aunt Lucy?” Nicole lowered her voice ominously.

“The perpetual social butterfly. She managed the funeral like she would manage a dinner party.”

Nicole shivered. “God. That’s in poor taste.”

“Actually, she was kind of amazing. You know - as in horrifically overbearing and tyrannical. Amazing.” Ryan sat back as Tracey slid her French toast and eggs down in front of her.

Nicole smiled when she saw her biscuits and gravy. “Amazing indeed.”

Pouring syrup over her French toast, Ryan hesitated before continuing. “I did meet someone interesting. It was sort of odd. We sat next to each other on the train, and then she shows up at the funeral.” Putting the syrup down, the image of Leah formed perfectly in Ryan’s mind. “She was kind of awesome too.”

Realizing Nicole wasn’t responding, Ryan looked up. Her friend sat with an amused expression on her face, with a piece of gravy covered biscuit dangling from the end of her fork.

“What?” Ryan looked down and began to focus on cutting her French toast.

“Let me make sure I’ve got this straight - pun intended. You met a woman at a funeral? Quote, an awesome woman?” Nicole popped the bite in her mouth, a smug smirk on her face.

Without looking up, Ryan shook her head. “You misunderstood me. She was nice. That’s all I meant.”

“Right. Nice.”

Waving her hand in the air, Ryan was struggling not to get defensive. “You’re twisted.”

Nicole laughed. “Yeah. Because I’m the one picking chicks up at my mom’s funeral.”

Ryan dropped her fork. The clattering sound as it hit the floor sent a jolt up her back. “Shit.” Leaning over, she fished the utensil out from under the table. A split second later, Tracey slid another one in front of her.

“Thanks.”

“No trouble.” Tracey winked reassuringly at Ryan.

Without looking at Nicole, Ryan began eating her breakfast again. “I didn’t pick anyone up. She and my mom were friends in high school, and my aunt clearly hates her. So logically, I had to take an immediate liking to her.”

Nicole finished chewing before speaking. “Well, if the maniacal aunt doesn’t like her, the two of you should get married.”

Ryan nearly choked on her eggs. “God, you’re clever.”

Mouth full of biscuit, Nicole grinned. “Brilliantly clever, hon.”

Chapter 4

To avoid dealing with the hassle of street parking, Ryan decided to move the car early the next morning before her interview. Pulling her suitcase behind her, Ryan and Nicole walked back to their house from Sip and Bite. Ryan frowned as they approached the marble stoop leading up to their front door.

“Nic, man, you’ve got to keep this area clean.” Looking down, there were two empty National Bohemian beer cans sitting on the top step of the stoop.

“Those are from last night.” The woman smiled as she unlocked the front door.

One of the first things Ryan had learned when she moved to Baltimore was the importance of maintaining a clean and tidy stoop. What front porches were to people in the south, a well maintained stoop was to Baltimoreans.

“You’re lucky Mrs. Grady hasn’t seen this.” Phyllis Grady was not only their neighbor, but their landlady. She was over eighty, and when Ryan and Nicole had moved in two years ago, the octogenarian had laid down a few rules not outlined in their lease.

“Here. You take this, and no less than once a week, you scrub that marble.” The gray haired, stooped woman gestured toward the four steps leading to the house’s wooden front door. “That’s the same marble they used in our nation’s capital, so you respect it.”

Ryan had taken the cleaning supplies, which consisted of a can of Bon Ami cleaning powder and a bristled scrub brush, and assured the woman they would maintain the steps.

“Stoop, hon.” Mrs. Grady had insisted. “It’s a stoop.” Without another word, she had turned and walked back into her house.

Nicole rolled her eyes at Ryan. “Christ, I’ll come right back out and toss the cans.”

Ryan shook her head. “Here, take my suitcase. I’ll drop the cans in the recycling bin.”

Lifting the Samsonite up so Nicole could take the handle, Ryan grabbed the two beer cans, and walked over to the narrow alley between their house and Mrs. Grady’s. The opening was barely wide enough for the recycling bin and metal trash can to fit. The alley led back to a small yard both houses shared, but Ryan’s minor claustrophobia meant she accessed the yard through the house.

“You’re back, Ms. Myers?” Phyllis spoke from behind Ryan, causing the woman to jump.

“Hi, Mrs. Grady. Yes. Quick trip to New York.” Ryan put the blue lid back on the recycling bin, and turned toward the house.

“I’m sorry about your mother.”

Ryan stopped, and turned to face the woman. “My mother?”

Phyllis nodded as she pulled the collar of her brown camel coat up around her neck. It was then that Ryan realized the woman was only wearing her coat, light blue house dress, and a pair of thick wool socks. “Mrs. Grady, you should get inside. You’ll catch a cold.”

“Please. You’re what - some kind of doctor? You know you can’t get a cold from getting cold, hon.” Phyllis huffed as she shoved her hands inside her coat pockets. “Anyway, sorry about your mother. I saw the obituary in the New York Times, and photos from the funeral. She looked young.”

Ryan didn’t remember seeing any photographers at the services, but knowing her aunt, they were more than likely invited and told to remain discreet.

“Thank you.” Ryan started back toward her house.

“Your family has some money then?” Phyllis could always be counted on for directness.

Ryan wasn’t sure how to answer that, or if the woman was angling toward a rent increase. “Ah, I guess you could say that. I haven’t been close to them in a very long time.”

Shrugging, Phyllis looked up toward the sky. “Beautiful day.”

Ryan continued to be confused by the conversation, and was racking her brain to find a way out of it without offending the woman. “It is lovely. We’re nearly into spring.”

“I admire you.” Phyllis stated casually, clearly redirecting the conversation again.

“I - thank you?” Ryan wasn’t sure what the woman was talking about.

“You struck out on your own. Made your way in the world. Not many of your generation can say that.” Nodding, the woman turned and walked back toward her house.

Ryan felt tears pushing at the back of her eyes, and she was surprised that a few kind words from Phyllis Grady had triggered them. If she were honest with herself, she had felt like her emotions were teetering on the fringe. Moment to moment she felt she could cry, laugh, or scream. Her family had always had the ability to put her on edge.

A shiver ran through Ryan, and she wrapped her arms around her chest and quickly went inside her house. The distinct smell of stale pipe smoke tickled her nostrils as she entered.

“Nic, was Aaron here?” Aaron Reynolds was an ex-boyfriend of Nicole’s that she still occasionally slept with. Ryan had never taken much of a liking to the man. He was twenty five years old, unemployed and smoked a Dublin style pipe because he still worried about looking cool. He had no idea how his obvious efforts to do so had the opposite effect.

Nicole came down the narrow stairs that sat to the left of the front door. “He was the second Natty Boh outside. Why?”

Ryan shook her head. “I would prefer if he didn’t smoke that awful pipe in the house.”

Nicole started to object and thought better of it. “Fair enough. Sorry.”

Shaking her head, Ryan went into the small galley style kitchen to her right, and got a glass out of the cabinet. She would never understand Nicole’s affinity for slackers and losers. In spite of all of her successes, or perhaps because of them, the woman was a magnet for perpetually clueless and foolish men.

Ryan had often thought her friend’s lackluster taste in men was rooted in Nicole’s need to always be a little smarter and a little prettier than the guys she dated. Nicole thought it made her seem grounded and substantive. The irony was, Nicole was the kindest and most compassionate person Ryan had ever met, regardless of who she dated or slept with.

Nicole’s warm hand was on Ryan’s shoulder as she filled the glass with water from the tap. “Hey, are you okay?”

Taking a long drink of water, Ryan put the nearly empty glass on the counter. “Just tired. I think I’m going to take a nap.”

Nicole nodded, and then a playful grin spread across her lips. “But wait. Something arrived for you yesterday.”

Ryan’s brow arched as she followed her roommate into the living room. She stepped around the wall that divided the kitchen from the rest of the downstairs, and Ryan’s eyes widened.

“They barely fit through the door.” Nicole stood next to the largest arrangement of red roses Ryan had ever seen.

Holding out a small white envelope, Nicole smirked. “I didn’t read it, but I can guess who they’re from.”

Ryan snatched the envelope from Nicole, and pulled the card out. I’m sorry for your loss. Miss you. Jenny.

Ryan exhaled. “They’re beautiful.”

Nicole pulled one of the long stem roses free of the glass vase, and handed it to Ryan. “I personally would have stopped at two dozen, but hey, I don’t have mommy and daddy’s money to burn through.”

Ryan bristled at the comment given the turn of events her finances had recently taken, but she knew Nicole was right about Jenny.

Jenny Garrison and she had been dating off and on for over six months. Jenny was born in Boston and considered coming to Baltimore, and living in a renovated row house while she finished her master’s in public policy, to be slumming it.

“I can’t live a sheltered life forever, Ryan.” Jenny had explained a few weeks after they started dating. “I need to experience the bad with the good; otherwise, I’ll have nothing to offer my constituents.”

Ryan thought Jenny’s heart was in the right place, but Ryan’s efforts to explain the irony of her being able to choose poverty negating the point had fallen on deaf ears.

“Isn’t that what you’ve done with your family?” Jenny had earnestly asked while the two women sat in Ryan’s living room watching an Orioles game.

“Not really.” Ryan had struggled to tamp down her defensiveness. “My mother and I had a terrible disagreement, and even before the argument, we fundamentally viewed the world differently.” Ryan had taken a drink of her beer before continuing. “I didn’t have a choice.”

In spite of her bourgeois leaning tendencies, Jenny was fun to be with, smart, and seemed content to maintain the casualness of their relationship. It didn’t hurt, though Ryan was loath to admit this to anyone, that Jenny was gorgeous.

She was meticulous with her body, hair and dress without being overly fussy. Her shoulder length brown hair framed a defined jaw, full lips and blue eyes accented by long thick lashes. When Ryan had first seen her at the student center, she had reminded her of someone out of a J. Crew catalog.

“You can’t leave these down here, you know.” Nicole was looking suspiciously at the three dozen roses.

“I doubt I could get them up the stairs.” Ryan joked.

Picking the vase up, Nicole walked toward the back door. “Perfect. I’ll put them on the deck.”

“Wait.” Ryan rushed after her roommate. “It’s fifty degrees out there.”

“Aren’t you supposed to refrigerate flowers?” Nicole teased. She was not a fan of Jenny’s. The two women were polar opposites and though they made nice for Ryan’s sake, neither pretended there was any love lost between them.

“I’ll take them up to my room.” Ryan carefully retrieved the vase and its contents from an amused Nicole.

“Fine, but if you’re not back down in ten minutes, I’ll assume you’ve been suffocated by the flora.”

Rolling her eyes, Ryan carefully traversed the narrow wooden stairs to the second floor of the house. “I’ll be asleep in ten minutes, so don’t bother.”

Walking into her room, Ryan breathed a sigh of relief to be alone for the first time in days. She balanced the vase precariously on her hip as she cleared a space on the top of her oak dresser. She had found the piece discarded on the curb, drug it home, cleaned and refinished it. She liked the Frank Lloyd Wright design feel the dresser had, even though it had nearly killed Nicole and her getting it up the stairs.

Stepping around her suitcase Nicole had put near the side of the bed, Ryan kicked off her navy and gray Merrill tennis shoes and fell into bed. Pulling the black throw that lay at the foot of her bed over her, Ryan closed her eyes, content to sleep for an hour before unpacking and doing her laundry.

But after five minutes, Ryan sat up, her mind whirling through the past week. She had put the inheritance to the back of her mind until she had to meet with an attorney. She had even managed to push aside her irritations with her aunt, but she had not successfully stopped thinking about Leah. Ryan reasoned the woman remained on her mind because she was a bit of an enigma.

I’m curious. That’s all. The coincidence of how I met her, and then her being an estranged friend of my mother’s. That’s it.

Ryan lay back down; her eyes open as she stared at the white ceiling of her room. She had more important things to contend with, and was growing to resent the perpetual presence Leah seemed to have taken up in her head.

Willing her mind toward the practical, Ryan began to go through her list. She had done this since she was a small child. It gave her a sense of order and control. As she got older she realized it was her equivalent of counting sheep.

Nap, unpack, do laundry, get outfit for interview ready, double check directions to interview, call Jenny and thank her for the flowers, charge phone, shower, read some mindless genre dribble.

Ryan’s list halted on the last bullet point as the task of reading shot her train of thought back over to Leah. Damnit! Do it again, Myers.

Ryan began repeating her list, skipping the reading part and going straight to bed.

***

“I’m going to Kislings to watch the Capitals with Greg. Want to come?” After a half hour of tossing and turning, Ryan had given up on her nap, called her friend, and was now pulling her coat and gloves on.

Nicole was sitting in the small dining area adjacent to the living room, and looked up from her laptop she was hovering over. “Hockey and stalker - I’ll pass.”

Ryan frowned. “Be nice. I’m convinced the two of you are destined to get married and live the dream.” She opened the front door. “You wouldn’t want little Mary Sue and Bobby knowing mommy once had a restraining order out on daddy.”

Nicole wadded up a piece of paper and threw it at Ryan. “Stow it!”

Ryan laughed. “Pick that up, please.” Nodding toward the paper on the floor, she closed the door and began the mile walk to meet Greg.

The clear sky, crisp air and the brisk walk had Ryan feeling more like herself by the time she reached the tavern. She had always loved how you could be walking along a sidewalk lined with row houses, and then round a corner and be standing in front of a bar, restaurant or dairy store. Baltimore was an eclectic blend of neighborhoods, each unique unto itself.

Glancing at her Timex watch, Ryan realized she had a little less than ten minutes until the game started. Kislings Tavern was akin to a dive with its long narrow bar lined with wood paneling. The bar was backed with mirrors obscured by a myriad of liquor bottles and sports banners.

Kislings had character. It was a locals’ hangout, a great place to watch a game, and had the best buffalo chicken wings Ryan had ever tasted. That plus the cheap beer had made the tavern one of Ryan’s favorite places to be, either on her own, or with friends after a BSSC game.

“Ryan. Over here.” Greg was sitting at the farthest end of the bar with two Natty Bohs in front of him.

“Thanks for the beer.” Ryan hopped up on the bar stool next to Greg, and reached for the frothy pint glass.

“Sorry, what?” Greg smirked and reached for the second glass. “I wasn’t sure what you were drinking.”

Ryan nudged the man with her shoulder. “Cute. Now give me the beer.”

“Are you sure you don’t want something stronger?” Greg teased.

“I don’t think they serve grain alcohol here.” Ryan jokingly started scanning behind the bar.

“I take it New York could have gone better?” Greg asked, the humor from earlier replaced with genuine concern.

Ryan shrugged, and took a drink of her beer. “I went there for a funeral.”

“Your mother’s funeral.” Greg gently interjected.

Ryan looked out the side of her eye at her friend. “Your point?”

Greg leaned back, waving his hands in front of him in mock surrender. “Check. We’re here to watch the hockey game.”

Ryan grinned. “Thanks, Mathews.”

Finishing the last of his pint, Greg shrugged. “For what?”

“Letting me pretend for the next two hours that the last five days didn’t happen.” The lump in Ryan’s throat caused the last of her words to wobble, and she quickly took a drink, hoping to mask her distress.

Greg gestured for the bartender to bring him two more pints. Glancing at Ryan, Greg raised his voice above the noise of the crowded bar. “And two Jack Daniels shooters.”

Ryan looked suspiciously at her friend. “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Nope. But if you feel up to it, it’s my treat and I’m happy to help you stumble home.” Greg quickly patted Ryan on the back and took the two pints from the bartender, followed shortly by two shot glasses of Jack Daniels.

“Cheers.” Greg held the shot of whiskey up ceremoniously.

Ryan brought the caramel colored liquor to her lips and quickly drank it. The taste of wood with hints of pecan coated her mouth and throat, followed by a slight burn that sent a wave of warmth cascading through Ryan’s chest.

“Hard core, Myers. You’re not even chasing it.” Greg took a long drink of his beer.

Ryan slid the empty shot glass back on the bar. “It’s not my first time at the rodeo.” The truth was, she wasn’t much of a drinker. If she had any hope of stringing a coherent sentence together tomorrow at her interview, that was her first and last shot.

“Another round then?” Greg raised his hand toward the bartender.

Ryan grabbed his wrist, and pulled his hand down. “Let’s pace ourselves.”

Greg grinned. He knew as well as any of Ryan’s friends that the woman was a light-weight. “Beer it is.” The man shifted on the stool, and suddenly seemed nervous. “Ah, I thought maybe Nic would come with you.”

Ryan had to give the man credit, he had managed to go nearly ten minutes without mentioning the unrequited love of his life. “She’s not really a hockey fan.”

“Oh, sure, but I thought just hanging out might interest her.” Greg picked at a groove on the bar top with his finger.

Ryan usually steered clear of talking about Nicole with Greg. She didn’t want to be in the middle of a melodrama literally happening in her own house. Today was different though. She was happy for the distraction from her own dramas, and could afford to indulge Greg in his.

“You know Greg, I love Nicole dearly and I can see the attraction, but she has said repeatedly that she isn’t interested.” Seeing the slump in her friend’s shoulders, and not wanting to start a pity party for two, Ryan went on. “So, what do you want to do about that?”

Greg fidgeted with his beer glass, his brows furrowed. “I have to be me, and she’ll either get that and like it, or -” He took a drink of beer. “We’ll just be friends.” He nodded firmly to himself, and emptied his pint.

“That’s the spirit.” Ryan playfully punched Greg in the shoulder.

“But do you think she might come by today?” Greg looked hopefully at Ryan.

“Oh, friend.” Ryan squeezed the man’s hand. “You’ve got it bad.”

“Yeah.” Greg looked down at his empty pint glass.

Not wanting the conversation to spiral downward any more than it already had, Ryan forced enthusiasm as she waved the bartender over. “Let’s order some wings, and hope for some blood on the ice in today’s game.”

Greg sighed. “Yep. Love me the violence.”

Ryan couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re the least violent person I know.”

Greg looked up at one of five televisions that lined the back of the bar. “I’m living vicariously.”

***

It was a little after three when Ryan walked into the house to find Jenny sitting on the sofa watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory. Ryan had forgotten how beautiful she was. Jenny was sitting cross legged on the sofa, her hair pulled back in a loose bun. She was wearing a pair of Levis jeans and a navy blue tight fitting cable knit sweater. Ryan felt a rush of heat to her stomach.

“Hi.” Ryan closed the door behind her.

Jenny hopped up, a broad smile having found her perfect lips. “Hi yourself.” She rushed toward Ryan, and pulled her into a tight embrace.

Ryan’s head spun as the scent of citrus and lavender washed over her, the warmth of Jenny’s body sending sparks of electricity through her. Leaning back, Ryan kissed Jenny and pulled her closer. “Did I forget a date?”

Jenny stepped back, pulling Ryan toward the sofa. “No. I called and texted you several times, and finally thought I would make a complete pest of myself and just show up.” She glanced up toward the ceiling. “Much to your roommate’s delight, I’m sure.”

Ryan sat down next to Jenny on the sofa. “Did she immediately bolt upstairs?”

Jenny laid her head on Ryan’s shoulder. “I did manage to get an abrupt hello out of her first.”

Ryan winced. “Yeah, the two of you - not so much.”

Nuzzling closer to Ryan, Jenny’s lips found the side of her neck. “You didn’t return my calls.”

Goose bumps rose on Ryan’s arms as the heat of Jenny’s breath brushed against the side of her neck. “I must have forgotten to turn the volume back on after I tried to nap.” Ryan leaned into Jenny’s kissing.

“I missed you.” Reaching up, Jenny turned Ryan’s head toward her, placing a series of light kisses along her jaw, slowly working her way toward Ryan’s mouth.

“You’re back. Good.” Nicole’s voice came from the bottom of the stairs.

The near euphoria Ryan had been experiencing at Jenny’s hands was quickly doused as her roommate unceremoniously walked into the living room, and sat in the recliner next to the sofa.

Sitting up, Ryan managed to smile at Nicole instead of punching her in the face like she wanted to. “I just got back.”

“Who won?” Nicole never asked about the outcome of a hockey game. To the best of Ryan’s knowledge, the woman didn’t know a puck from a golf ball.

“Ah, the Capitals. Two, zero.” Ryan narrowed her eyes as she watched Nicole pick up the television remote.

“Is anyone watching this?” Before either Ryan or Jenny could answer, Nicole began scrolling through the list of recorded programs.

Jenny looked at her gold Rolex watch, and then slid to the edge of the couch. “I need to get going anyway.” She looked annoyed as she glared at Nicole. “It was nice to see you again, Nicole.”

Without turning her attention away from the television, Nicole feigned a smile. “Pleasure, Jen.”

Sensing the mood in the room was darkening quickly, Ryan got up from the sofa. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

“Did you get the flowers?” Jenny asked as Ryan helped her on with her coat.

“I did. They’re in my room.” Ryan took Jenny’s hand in hers. “It was a nice surprise after a crappy week.”

Frowning, Jenny buttoned her black, high collar winter coat. “We can have dinner tomorrow night and talk about it.”

Ryan nodded. “I’d like that. How’s seven at the Laughing Pint sound?”

Jenny leaned in and quickly kissed Ryan. “Sounds good.” She looked over Ryan’s shoulder toward the living room. “Sleep over at my place after?”

Ryan blushed. “Perfect.”

Ryan closed the door behind Jenny, and turned her attentions back to her meddling roommate. “Could you have been ruder?”

“Is that a challenge?” Nicole had settled on an episode of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, and had fully reclined in the chair.

“Why can’t you just get along? God knows I haven’t always been a fan of the men you’ve dated.” Ryan flopped down on the sofa.

“I don’t trust her.” Nicole paused the program and turned her attention to Ryan.

“But you’ve never really talked to her to even know that.” Ryan laid her head back on the sofa, exhausted. The early morning, travel, alcohol, and snippy roommate were catching up to her.

“I can sense these things.” Nicole insisted.

Ryan wanted so badly to point out how horrific Nicole was at sensing shortcomings in the men she dated, and what made her think she was any more astute once removed?

“I know I don’t always have the best intuition with the men I date.” Nicole began, and Ryan quickly lifted her head up, wondering if she had inadvertently spoken out loud.

“Go on.” Ryan cautiously encouraged.

Nicole scrunched her face up a bit before continuing. “Calm down. This isn’t a Doctor Phil moment. I’m just saying sometimes perspective is best achieved from a distance.”

Ryan shook her head. “I know exactly who Jenny is.” She stood up and walked toward the stairs. “And for the record, I’m not going to marry her. We have fun together, and -” Ryan stopped before she said too much.

“And the sex is good.” Nicole offered.

“I wasn’t going to say that.” Ryan stood with her hand on the banister.

“Sure. Whatever gets your head on your pillow at night, friend.” Nicole teased.

“No, really. I was going to say the sex is great.” Before Nicole could counter, Ryan dashed up the stairs, satisfied she had defended her position admirably.

Chapter 5

Ryan had spent nearly an hour getting ready for her interview. She was wearing a pair of dark gray boot cut slacks with low, black patent leather heels Jenny had talked her into buying several months ago. She had also bought a slim fit dark purple button up dress shirt, and wore it now as she exited Nicole’s borrowed Subaru. Taking deep breaths to calm her nerves, Ryan walked across the parking lot toward the administration building of Howard County.

Though the county had several facilities, Ryan was meeting Donnie Hammond, the Senior Community Liaison Director, at the main location in Columbia, Maryland. Howard County was located southwest of Baltimore, and Columbia was between Baltimore and Washington, D.C., making it a commuter community for both metropolitan areas.

The office complex itself was a non-descript six story building with an expansive lobby area and atrium. Ryan made her way to the third floor, and checked in with a woman in her late thirties who offered Ryan a cup of coffee. Anxious her nerves would get the better of her and cause a spill, she politely declined.

“Ryan Myers?” A wiry man in his late fifties stood in front of Ryan. He was over six feet tall, wearing a pair of black slacks and a light blue dress shirt.

Ryan stood up, and extended her hand. “Mr. Hammond?”

The gray hair man smiled warmly. “Donnie, please. May I call you Ryan?”

The man had managed with his casual manner to put Ryan at ease immediately. “Of course.” Ryan smiled.

“I’ve booked us a conference room. If you’ll follow me.” Donnie led Ryan down a series of halls, past several offices and cubicles into a small conference room that overlooked the parking lot.

“Would you like some water?” Donnie had bent down, and was retrieving himself a bottle of water from the small fridge under a side bureau.

“That would be great. Thank you.” Ryan laid her pea coat across the back of one of the high-back leather chairs, and sat her black, leather portfolio on the lacquer finished maple table.

Donnie handed Ryan the water, and sat in the chair across the narrow table from her. “I thought we might start by having me tell you a little about myself, and then we can talk about the position and your education and work history. Does that sound good?” The man took a sip of water.

This was Ryan’s fourth interview since beginning her job hunt several months ago, and though Donnie’s predecessors had all been professional and courteous, it had always fallen to her to ask probing questions regarding their backgrounds and the positions they were offering. It was refreshing to meet someone willing to volunteer information as opposed to having it pulled out of them.

“That sounds perfect.” Ryan retrieved a legal pad of paper and a ballpoint pen from her portfolio so she could take notes.

For the next ten minutes, Donnie spoke about his career in public policy and social work. He spent several minutes performing what Ryan thought sounded like a sales’ pitch about Howard County and the numerous services it offered its residents.

“And that’s me in a nutshell. Plus or minus a few sordid details.” Donnie chuckled at his own joke, and Ryan found the nerd-like quality endearing. “So, I’ve read through your resume, and I must confess I popped online and read your dissertation.”

“Dealing with a bout of insomnia?” Ryan joked, her and Donnie chuckling in unison.

“Not at all. Your assessment on the necessity to address, even at a local level, the role of globalization in social policy, and the interplay between governments and private sector - is exactly the kind of thinking we’re looking for.”

Seeing the opportunity to bring the conversation around to her primary reason for being there, Ryan cleared her throat. “I do have some questions about the Community Liaison position.”

Donnie reached for the bottle of water. “Absolutely. Shoot.”

Ryan went through several of her prepared questions, pleased with Donnie’s thorough answers. She had several follow-up questions for him specific to his group; otherwise, the job was exactly what Ryan was looking for.

“To be frank, Donnie, this position - more specifically your organization, is exactly what I’ve imagined for myself. The opportunity to assist with policy formulation and planning, coordinating with external partners and agencies to ensure resources are routed to where they are needed most...” Ryan smiled. “It’s what I’ve spent the past seven years preparing for.”

Donnie grinned and nodded. “I’ve been very pleased with our conversation today too. I have three more candidates I’m considering, and may opt to send two of my preferred folks over to my boss, Cindy Tylor for second interviews next week.” He twisted the cap back on the now empty bottle of water.

Sensing the interview was drawing to a close, Ryan slid her notepad and pen back into her portfolio. “Next week sounds perfect.” Standing, Ryan extended her hand. “I appreciate your time.”

Taking Ryan’s hand, Donnie smiled broadly. “It was a pleasure.” He stepped toward the door. “Let me show you the way back to reception. It can be a bit of a maze until you get your bearings.” He opened the door. “I won’t tell you how many times I got turned around after we moved to this building.”

Ryan laughed, relieved the interview was over, and feeling she had put in a good showing. “Thank you.”

She followed Donnie back to the reception area where they said their goodbyes. Walking back through the main lobby area, Ryan spotted a Starbucks kiosk. She couldn’t care less about stains post-interview, so she decided to get a cup of tea.

Ryan placed her order, and was waiting to get her tall Earl Grey tea when she took a double take at the blonde woman who had just stepped into the register line less than three feet from her.

Leah was on her phone, a large brown folder tucked under her arm. Ryan’s eyes wandered in admiration of the woman who was dressed in a form fitting hunter green knee-length dress with long sleeves, and dark brown patent leather heels. She was stunning.

“Miss? Your drink.” The barista held out the signature white cup with the green siren scrawled across it toward a perplexed Ryan. The woman was in her early thirties with straight, shoulder length blonde hair and dark blue eyes. Jeanne was scrawled across the small, black name tag that hung from her green apron.

“Sorry?” Ryan suddenly felt feverish, and wasn’t sure what the woman was saying.

“Your Earl Grey.” The woman managed a smile though she was clearly annoyed with Ryan.

“Oh, thank you.” Ryan, embarrassed, quickly took the drink and stepped toward the condiment bar. Glancing over her shoulder, she watched as Leah hung up her phone and greeted the barista.

God, she’s got a great smile. Stop staring.

“Ryan?” Leah was suddenly standing next to her, and Ryan thought her heart might pound out of her chest.

For Christ’s sake, what’s wrong with me?

“Leah. Hey.” Ryan turned to face the blonde and caught the top of her cup with her hand. “Shit!” Grabbing for the cup, the mortified woman spilled the piping hot tea across her right hand, the skin immediately reddening.

“Are you okay?” Leah took Ryan’s hand in hers, and where the woman’s touch generally sent a shock of heat through Ryan’s body, it was now cool and incredibly soothing on her irritated skin.

“I’m good. I didn’t get any on you, did I?” Ryan scanned near their feet.

Leah released Ryan’s hand. “Clean as a whistle.” She bent down and picked the now empty cup up from the floor. The majority of the tea was pooled on the condiment counter, and Leah grabbed several napkins from the dispenser and wiped the still hot liquid up.

Ryan stood mesmerized until she realized what was happening. “Please, don’t. God, let me do that.” She reached for more napkins, and bent down to wipe up the little bit of tea that had spilt on the floor. Tilting her head up, a bright shade of crimson covered Ryan’s face when she realized she was less than a foot from Leah’s crotch.

Hurriedly standing, Ryan was unable to make eye contact with Leah. The blonde had finished cleaning the spilt tea, and was throwing a large wad of wet napkins in the waste bin.

“That should about do it.” Leah rubbed her hands together. “Should we get you another tea?”

Ryan shook her head. “I clearly can’t handle it today, so I’ll pass.”

Leah smiled, and nervously tucked a loose strand of blonde hair behind her right ear. “Well - it was nice to see you again.”

“Why are you here?” Ryan flinched as the pointed question popped out of her mouth.

Leah grinned. “Since you asked so nicely -”

Ryan instinctively reached for the woman’s hand. “Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”

Leah looked down at Ryan’s hand. The redness from earlier was all but gone. To Ryan’s utter delight, she placed her hand over Ryan’s. “You didn’t offend me. So don’t worry.”

Nodding, Ryan reluctantly removed her hand. “Thank you. Let me try this again.” Ryan made a point of dramatically clearing her throat and squaring her shoulders, something that made Leah smile. “Leah, it’s nice to see you again. What brings you to the Howard County administration building?”

“The coffee.” Leah said flatly.

Ryan’s brow arched, and then she laughed. “I’m not much of a fan.”

Leah frowned and looked down at Ryan’s hand. “No, I imagine you wouldn’t be.” The two women looked at each other for several seconds.

“Here you go, miss.” The blonde barista from earlier handed Ryan another cup of tea, and then handed Leah a cup. “And your triple tall, non-fat cappuccino.”

Leah smiled. “Thank you.”

Ryan looked blankly at the woman. “What’s this?”

Nodding toward the condiment bar and the scene of Ryan’s calamity, the woman smiled. “That was a bad spill. So the do over is our treat, but be careful with this one.” The woman winked at Ryan, and walked back around the coffee bar.

“That was nice of her.” Leah took a sip of her coffee. “Well, I should get going.”

“Wait.” Ryan nearly lunged at the woman, again shocked by the urgency she felt in keeping Leah near her. “Why are you here?”

Leah took the lid off her coffee, and gently blew on the steaming beverage. “I’m renovating my bookstore, and had to file a load of paperwork for the permits.” She replaced the lid. “What about you?”

Ryan wanted to add sugar to her Earl Grey, but didn’t trust herself not to repeat her earlier catastrophe. “I just finished up with a job interview.”

Leah’s brow raised. “That’s great. How did it go?”

Ryan nodded. “Pretty well. It’s -”

An elderly man walked up with a venti cup in his hand, and looked impatiently at the two women in front of the condiment bar.

“Oh, sorry.” Leah took Ryan’s forearm and gently pulled her to the side of the bar.

Ryan felt a prickling heat in her arm that rapidly travelled down to her wrist. What the hell is that?

“What’s the job?” Leah asked.

“It’s a community liaison position. I would work with the director and various businesses and vendors to coordinate county resources around social services.”

Leah took a sip of her cappuccino. “That sounds right up your alley.”

Ryan nodded. “It really is; so fingers crossed I get it.”

Leah grinned. “I’m sure you wowed them.”

Ryan shrugged. “I was smart enough to turn down the coffee they offered me. Beyond that, who knows?”

Leah’s green eyes moved from Ryan’s eyes to her lips, and then a flush of red found the blonde woman’s cheeks. “I should get going. Good luck with the job.”

“Would you like to have an early lunch with me?” Ryan blurted out. Asking the question had taken all of her nerve, and she had no idea how she would manage an actual meal with Leah should the woman accept the invitation.

Leah glanced at her watch, it was a little after eleven. “Actually, yes. I have about an hour and a half before I have to be back to the store.”

Ryan had half expected Leah to decline the invitation, but now she was filled with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. It reminded her of the first time she rode a roller coaster. A friend of hers in undergrad had been shocked to find out Ryan’s family had never so much as taken her to Coney Island.

One weekend, she was hauled to Six Flags America, east of Washington, D.C. and unceremoniously loaded onto the Mind Eraser. She had been suspended from an overhead track, and hurled through an inverted loop at over fifty miles an hour. Ryan had promptly thrown up upon exiting the ride and now hoped that wasn’t indicative of what was to come with her lunch with Leah.

“Where do you want to eat?” Leah asked as the two women exited the building.

Ryan hadn’t thought that far ahead, and suggested the first place that popped into her head. “Don’t laugh, but - Wegmans?”

Leah smiled. “I love Wegmans.”

Relieved Leah hadn’t thought her suggestion silly, Ryan nodded. “Perfect. I’ll meet you there?”

“Sounds good.” Leah turned and walked across the parking lot in the opposite direction from Ryan.

Once inside the Subaru, Ryan retrieved her phone from the black portfolio and dialed Nicole’s number.

“Did you get the job? Is my car okay?” Nicole asked abruptly.

Ryan rolled her eyes. “I won’t know until next week, and yes.”

“Well, okay then.”

“Listen, I’m going to grab some lunch and then come home. Are you okay with me keeping the car for another hour or so?”

“Better idea. Come fetch me, we can have lunch together, and then I can go into the office.” Nicole suggested.

Ryan hesitated, not wanting to lie to her friend, but she wasn’t really up for any good natured ribbing either. “I, ah - I’m having lunch with someone.”

“You’re not letting Jenny in my car, are you?” Nicole’s tone hovered between teasing and tense.

Ryan weighed her options before responding. “No.” She held out little hope that Nicole would let her off with a simple closed ended response.

“Who are you having lunch with – friend?” Ryan could practically see the mischievous glint in her friend’s eyes.

Sighing, Ryan decided to take the plunge. “The woman I met in New York.”

A quiet gasp came from the other end of the phone. “What? You invited her to lunch and didn’t tell me?”

“No. Nothing like that.” Ryan fastened her seatbelt, and started the car. “We ran into each other after my interview, and are going to get a quick bite to eat.”

“What are the odds?” Nicole’s tone was contemplative.

“The odds of what?” Ryan needed this conversation to be over or she would miss the lunch with Leah.

“Come on! You don’t think it’s strange that you’ve run into her - unplanned - like three times now?”

Ryan hadn’t thought about it like that. She had been so happy to meet and then see Leah; it hadn’t occurred to her the improbability of the coincidences. “Maybe. I mean, sure, it’s weird.”

“Stalker.” Nicole sang into the phone.

“Get off it.” Ryan was done with the conversation.

“Okay, but if you’re not back with my car by two -”

“Goodbye.” Ryan disconnected the call, a faint smile on her lips as she maneuvered out of the parking lot. No one believes in accidents anymore. Fate. Ryan’s smile turned to a frown as the word flittered through her mind. She had never thought of herself as someone who believed in fate.

She didn’t pretend to know much at all about the grand scheme of everything, but she had never bought into a master plan and it all meaning something. Nicole had been teasing her, Ryan knew that, but parking in front of Wegmans, Ryan wandered if there was some truth in her friend’s taunting.

Wegmans was a regional grocery chain who, besides offering a broad selection of organic foods and locally sourced produce, had dedicated an entire portion of the store to an expansive buffet and bar area. Ryan wound her way through the many buffet stations and past the small café and beer garden, to find Leah standing in front of a large display of sliced cake, pie, puddings and pastries.

“I don’t know anywhere else that it’s encouraged to buy dessert by the pound.” Leah glanced up and smiled at Ryan as she scanned the baked goods.

“My roommate brought me here for the first time about a year ago. I had meant to get some Indian food, but ended up with a half-pound of cake and pie.”

Leah’s perfectly manicured brow arched as she looked carefully at Ryan. “Half-pound? You’re just an amateur then.”

Ryan managed not to laugh, and looked very seriously at the display case. “I’ve stepped my game up. I’m up to three quarters of a pound, and my stretch goal is a full pound by the end of summer.”

Leah nodded, turning her attention back to the desserts. “Admirable.”

The two women turned their heads at the same time, and looked at each other. Ryan couldn’t remember ever being so comfortable and excited all at the same time with someone.

The intensity of Leah’s green eyes brought a rush of heat to Ryan’s face, and she had to clear her throat before she could continue. “Speaking of Indian food, I’m heading over to see what they’re offering today.”

Leah placed a slice of blueberry pie in the small, clear plastic container on her tray. “I’m going to go see what they’ve got in the way of Asian cuisine.” The blonde glanced toward the escalators behind them. “Meet you upstairs?”

Ryan nodded and then made her way towards the long buffet case lined with every imaginable curry, rice, and variation on eggplant she could want. In the end, she decided on gobhi aloo, a blend of cauliflower with potatoes sautéed with garam masala, and chapathi bread.

Ryan clutched her Indian food, bottled water, and yellow cake with chocolate icing laden tray tightly as she rode the escalator to the second floor dining area. She refused to repeat her clumsiness from earlier.

Scanning the dining area, Ryan quickly spotted Leah, who sat at a table near the railing that lined the far side of the space, allowing the diner to overlook the larger grocery store below.

“Is this okay?” Leah took a drink of what looked like lemonade through her straw as she looked up at Ryan.

“It’s good.” Ryan carefully slid her tray onto the table and took a seat across from Leah.

Ryan carefully removed all of her food and water from the tray. She opened up her food container, and unwrapped the chapathi bread from its aluminum foil. Then she twisted the cap off the bottled water, and opened the utensil pack she had picked up near the registers downstairs. Sensing she was being watched, Ryan looked up at an amused Leah.

“What?” Ryan scanned her assortment. “Is something wrong?”

Leah put her drink down, the corner of her mouth turned slightly up. “Not at all. You’re very particular.”

Ryan squelched the feeling of awkwardness that washed over her. “Not really. You’ve seen the damage I can do with tea. Imagine if an entire lunch got away from me.”

Leah laughed out loud, and the joyful sound brought a broad grin to Ryan’s face. The blonde opened her own container to reveal a sizable portion of sesame chicken, steamed white rice, and an egg roll. “Don’t judge me if I start with the blueberry pie.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” The two women began eating in a comfortable silence. Ryan kept reminding herself not to stare at Leah. She’s taking a drink from a straw. Since when do I think that’s sexy?

“Do you think you have a good chance at the liaison position?” Leah took a bite of an egg roll.

Ryan nodded. “I do. I’m qualified on paper, but more importantly, with my internships over the past three years, I have the work experience they are looking for too.”

“Why social policy?” Leah dipped the last of her egg roll into the sweet and spicy sesame sauce that covered her chicken.

Ryan hesitated. An honest answer would require talking about her family, and she had hoped to avoid that on her first outing with Leah. At the same time, Ryan didn’t want to start her friendship with the blonde on a false note.

“You know my family.” Ryan watched Leah carefully to see if the topic was going to make her uncomfortable. The blonde simply took a bite of the sesame chicken and nodded.

Taking a deep breath, Ryan felt she could push forward. “The women in the family have always worked closely with non-profits and various philanthropic causes throughout the city.” Taking a drink of her water, Ryan struggled to find the words for what she wanted to say. “I - it wasn’t until I got older that I realized it never was about the causes as much as the socialization and the appearance of doing something. And it was rarely about people.”

Leah’s brow furrowed. “What was it about?”

Ryan tore a piece of bread off, and before putting it in her mouth continued. “Gardens, parks, symphonies. That sort of thing.”

Leah smiled. “Those sorts of things can help people.”

Ryan nodded, chewing on her bread. “Yes, but if you can’t afford to pay your electricity bill, or replace a broken window in the dead of winter, what the hell do you care if there’s a park three blocks from your house?”

“Good point.”

“When I asked my mother why we didn’t put more of our resources toward soup kitchens, or ensuring affordable housing was available, she very quickly replied that the family didn’t provide handouts.”

Leah paused mid-bite, a distressed look crossing her face. But then she didn’t respond, and Ryan wasn’t sure what to make of it. Leah had been friends with her mother, and maybe she was surprised by the comment.

“What?” Ryan was alarmed to hear the single syllable utterance exit her mouth. She did not want to talk about her mother with Leah.

Leah leaned back in her chair, her eyes focused on her nearly empty tray of food. “I agree with you. If basic needs aren’t met, everything else falls by the wayside.”

Ryan wasn’t convinced that was what Leah meant at all, but she didn’t want to be antagonistic. “Exactly.” Picking her fork up, Ryan ate the last of her gobhi aloo. Glancing up at Leah, Ryan was caught off guard by the sadness that was suddenly shadowing the woman’s face.

“Leah, are you okay?”

As if snapping out of a trance, Leah looked up at Ryan and managed a faint smile. “I am. You’ve just given me some stuff to think about.”

“Like what?” Ryan hoped the conversation was shifting to more sure footing.

Tossing her napkin in the empty food container, Leah sighed. “Sometimes we - I can take a lot of things for granted. I’m always hopeful people will do the right thing.”

“We all do.” Ryan slid the slice of cake in front of her.

Leah nodded. “Doesn’t excuse it.”

Ryan wasn’t sure what they were talking about. Leah’s tone seemed fatalistic and dire, and disproportional to what they were discussing. Ryan didn’t want to go down that path with Leah; so she pushed her slice of cake to the center of the table. “Want to share?”

Leah grinned, and patted her stomach. “I’m stuffed, but thank you. Besides, how are you going to reach that one pound goal if you give it away?”

Pulling the cake back towards her, Ryan chuckled. “Momentary lapse in judgment.”

Glancing at her watch, Leah frowned. “I hate to do this, but I have to run.”

“Oh. Ah, okay.” Ryan stood up as Leah pulled her coat off the back of her chair. Fumbling in her back pocket, Ryan pulled her phone out. “Can I get your number? Maybe we can hang out again?” The simple request had taken more nerve than Ryan had imagined, and she was unable to make eye contact with Leah.

“Okay.” Leah casually agreed, and rattled off her phone number.

Ryan furiously typed, and repeated the digits back to Leah. “Got it. Thanks.”

“What should we do?” Leah picked her tray up.

Ryan hadn’t expected an immediate invite to be requested, but was thrilled at the prospect of nailing down another outing with the beautiful blonde. “Well - ah, my spring flag football with BSSC is starting next week. Do you want to come out and watch?”

Leah smiled. “Sounds like fun. Text me the information?”

Ryan nodded, and quickly gathered her empty containers and half-eaten cake onto her tray so she could leave with Leah.

“Aren’t you going to finish the cake?” Leah asked as she dumped the contents of the tray into a nearby waste bin.

“I actually have to get going myself. I’ve got my roommate’s car, and she needs it back.” Ryan emptied her tray and stacked it on top of Leah’s.

Nodding, Leah walked towards the escalators with Ryan behind her. Standing near the crosswalk that led to the parking garage, Leah turned to Ryan. “I’m glad we ran into each other.”

“We seem to be good at that.” Ryan joked, thinking about Nicole’s stalker comment from earlier.

Leah smiled. “There are worse coincidences.”

Ryan nodded, feeling tongue tied and not sure how to end the interaction. “Well, see you soon.” Against her will, Ryan thrust her right hand out toward Leah.

The blonde looked down at Ryan’s hand, her eyes narrowing as she took Ryan’s hand in hers. “Ah, absolutely.” Pulling her hand free, Leah walked toward the garage. “Don’t forget to send me the BSSC information.”

Ryan waved. “Will do.”

As Leah disappeared around the corner, Ryan slammed her eyes shut. I am so cool. I shook her hand. I fucking shook her hand. Walking back to the car, Ryan wanted to punch herself in the face. She didn’t want to be swept away or enamored with anyone, much less a woman nearly twenty years older than her with an as yet undisclosed history with her family.

The residue of Ryan’s childhood and adolescents with her family had left her feeling that everyone she had ever loved she had loved alone. Her mother had been a distant, critical woman who saw only herself in her daughter. She had never known her father, but more importantly, he had never shown an interest in knowing her.

Carol had been Ryan’s only true source of familial love growing up, but even she held her own feelings close because of the obscure and obstructed relationship she had with her own mother. The Myers women were riddled with contradictions, fears, and secrets.

Ryan sat in the car, her hands resting on the top of the steering wheel. She had spent nearly a third of her life educating herself, but since meeting Leah, she felt she didn’t know anything worthwhile.

***

7 February 1628

Isaac has been nominated for an Assistant’s Cabinet position to aid the Governor!

He bounded into our home a week ago with this glorious news. A position within the government of the colony will most certainly afford us favor with The First Comers. Though Isaac’s father was too one of the original Saints, and the Allerton name is on the very document that made this great colony possible, our financial struggles have put us at odds with debtors that otherwise would be friends.

Isaac assures me with this new appointment, and the promise of a bountiful spring and summer, our child will be born into its God given birthright.

I have opted to stay with Margery and her mother while Isaac attends the monthly council meeting. Their home is small, and though it has been provided to them by the church in exchange for Margery’s midwifing services, they show no less pride in its upkeep then if it had been their very own.

***

10 February 1628

Heaven be praised! Isaac returned today with wonderful news. The court has elected him as one of seven Assistants to the Governor. I could not be happier for my husband as he steps back into the role our family so rightfully deserves.

The only failing of the day was almost immediately upon returning home, Isaac was struck ill with a terrible ache in his stomach. Luckily Margery was paying her bi-weekly visit, and was able to assist the poor man.

Margery tended to him for nearly an hour, and then only left at my insistence as it was growing increasingly dark and cold outside. A short while after, Isaac was almost completely well. I thank God daily for Margery and her healing ways!

Isaac has warned me very little of our daily lives will be altered due to his recent successes, but I have no doubt that our standing in the community is on the rise. Our child is one of a Forefather, and will reap the benefits therein.

I will pray this night that my husband may lead this colony with guidance from our Lord, and that we should have the courage - as a people preordained by God - to walk His path.

***

25 February 1628

We have been truly blessed! The General Court has seen fit to grant us two additional plots of land for farming. The additional yields will allow us to repay our debts within two years. I cannot recall the last time I saw Isaac so elated. I dare say this gave his soul more joy than even appointment to the Governor’s office.

He has rushed out to procure additional contracts for laborers as poor William would be worked to death less we provide him further help. The spring and summer promise to be the most fortunate for our budding family. Margery tells me our child is doing well, and she can see no reason the birth should be delayed much beyond the middle of May.

Isaac will leverage this new land and procure seed for turnips, carrots, and barley. He has even gone so far as to advise the Governor to open trade with nearby tribes. I confessed my misgivings over dealings with the savages to Margery. I do not think she fully understands the dangers those people present, but true to her nature, she comforted me all the same.

I find myself hoping Margery and I may remain friends long after the birth of my child as I have grown so very fond of her.

Chapter 6

Ryan had received a call from her mother’s attorney Michael Johannes that she needed to go to his firm’s downtown Baltimore office to sign paperwork pertaining to Karen’s estate. Ryan thought it had been serendipitous that less than an hour after the call from Mr. Johannes, the Howard County recruiter had contacted her to offer her the Community Liaison position.

“That’s great news! I thought I would need to do another interview.” Ryan had practically gushed with excitement.

“Mr. Hammond was very pleased with you, and your qualifications.” The recruiter had assured her.

The salary was nearly ten thousand less than Ryan had been asking for, something the recruiter acknowledged and explained was beyond the hiring manager’s control, given the job grades inherent in government positions.

Ryan had accepted the position anyway, and felt fortunate that now she had the financial flexibility to do what she loved, regardless of the compensation. It was a novel position for her to be in, and certainly not one she took for granted.

Ryan had stood in front of her closet for nearly five minutes, wrapped in a bath towel, her hair damp from her morning shower, trying to decide what to wear to the attorney’s office. She finally decided she had spent entirely too much time thinking about it, and opted for a pair of Levi’s jeans, brown leather flats, and a lightweight green cable knit sweater.

“Where are you off to?” Nicole was working from home, and had strewn her work across the dining room table.

Pulling her pea coat on, and wrapping a brown wool scarf around her neck, Ryan hoisted her brown leather mailbag over her shoulder. “I got the job.” She had wanted to be casual about it, but in the end, Ryan couldn’t contain her excitement as a broad smile spread across her face.

Nicole squealed and jumped up from the table. Rushing towards Ryan, she threw her arms around her. “Congratulations!”

Ryan hugged Nicole as best she could while her friend hopped around.

“When do you start?” Nicole - leaned back, still holding Ryan by the shoulders.

“April 6th.” Ryan dislodged herself from her enthusiastic roommate.

“Where are you going?” Nicole looked at Ryan’s bag. “We have to celebrate.”

“Later. I have to go fill out some paperwork.” Ryan took her house keys from the hook near the front door.

“I hope you pass the drug test.” Nicole teased.

Ryan started to correct her friend, and tell her the paperwork didn’t have to do with the job. But for reasons she didn’t fully understand herself, Ryan continued to keep her secret.

Ryan took the MTA bus into downtown Baltimore, and smiled to herself as she waited at the crowded crosswalk. The Reynolds, Hawkin and King law firm was housed in a ten story office building that sat near the corner of East Baltimore and South Gay Street.

“Ms. Myers, can you follow me please?” Lisa Blakely was Ronald Perkis’ paralegal, and an attractive dark haired woman in her early thirties. She was wearing a black pencil skirt that hit just at her knees, with a form fitting, silk gray blouse. She had on a pair of tortoise shell Ray-Ban prescription glasses that Ryan had commented she liked. The woman had blushed, and Ryan decidedly liked that too.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like a coffee, or some tea?” Lisa asked as she took Ryan down a long hall, and into a sprawling office that afforded Ryan a view of Baltimore’s Inner Harbor.

“Some water?” Ryan asked as she entered Ronald Perkis’ office and sat down in a Trevi style brown leather chair.

“Certainly. Mr. Perkis will be in shortly.” Lisa closed the mahogany wood door as she left.

Ryan looked around the office. It reminded her of her mother’s study - ornate and altogether too much. The door opened, and instead of Lisa, a man in his sixties walked in. He was dressed in what looked like an expensive black suit with a conservative maroon tie. As men went, particularly older men, Ryan imagined Ronald Perkis would be a catch.

“Ms. Myers, it’s nice to meet you. I was sorry to hear about your mother.” He crossed the office with his hand extended toward Ryan.

Standing, Ryan shook the man’s hand. “Thank you.” Sitting down, she crossed her legs and rested her bag on her lap. “You can call me Ryan.”

Sitting down on the other side of a large, rectangular mahogany desk, the man nodded as he opened a thick manila folder, and typed into a laptop that sat to his left. “I appreciate that.” Ryan took note that the man did not extend her the same informality.

The door opened again, and Lisa walked in with a bottle of water and a glass of ice. “Here you are, Ms. Myers.”

“Lisa, can you push the partner meeting back fifteen minutes?” Ronald asked without looking up from his laptop.

“Yes.” Lisa didn’t look at her boss, but rather put the water and glass on the edge of his desk, smiling briefly at Ryan.

Lisa left, and Ryan poured half the water into the glass, and took a long drink. She wasn’t prone to nervousness normally, but had to remind herself she was the client regardless of how pretentious the man across from her was behaving.

Leaning back in his chair, the attorney smiled at Ryan. “I’ve had Lisa prepare a reckoning of the assets your mother left you. The man scanned a sheet of paper. “It looks like in total - twenty two million, three hundred thousand.” He glanced up at Ryan. “Plus or minus a few thousand.”

Ryan put her water down. “May I see the portfolio statement, please?”

Mr. Perkis slid a thinner manila folder across the desk to Ryan. “That is simply the cash assets. Your mother owned three private residences and two commercial properties. All included in the summary.” The man thumbed through the thicker folder, and then slid several pieces of paper toward Ryan along with a black Mont Blanc pin. “Please review, and sign where I’ve marked. That will complete the transfer.”

Ryan pulled the documents toward her, and began reading. The documents consisted of several transfer deeds for the various properties, ownership updates to the brokerage and annuity accounts. Ryan signed, and slid the papers back to the attorney.

Glancing at the papers, Mr. Perkis nodded. “Very good. If I could get your driver’s license, we will get these notarized.”

Ryan took her ID from her wallet. “Out of curiosity, what’s the portfolio’s rate of return?”

Mr. Perkis’ brow arched, and he held up his index finger before pressing a green button on his desk phone. “Lisa, can you please come in with your notary pack?” Turning his attention back to Ryan, Mr. Perkis smiled. “The average is a little over nine percent. I’m happy to report that held, even during the downturn. Overall the portfolio grew. It helped, of course, that Karen wasn’t taking any income from the accounts.”

Ryan nodded. “Neither will I.”

Mr. Perkis frowned. “I was told -”

Ryan closed the folder. “I have a job and don’t see the point.” She slid the folder into her bag. “I will be taking a distribution of sixty thousand dollars, however.” Her student loan deferment was coming to an end, and she had decided after accepting the liaison position for substantially less than she had hoped for, that she would use some of the money to pay off the notes.

Ryan had not struggled with the decision to leave her mother’s money relatively untouched. She had a unique perspective on what that level of wealth could do to a person’s perspective. Often the shifts in priorities happened subtly, and she feared she night lose herself.

Ryan didn’t want to fall into the trap of believing wealth had any correlation to a person’s character and convictions. Her mother had so completely comingled her wealth with who she was that she became the sum of what she could buy, donate, sponsor, and chair. Ryan’s integrity was her most priceless commodity.

Mr. Perkis nodded. “I see. Well, we hope you will keep your business with us. We have managed your family’s finances for over seventy years.”

There was a faint knock at the door, and a moment later Lisa entered with a large brown book and an ink stamp. Without a word, the attorney handed the paralegal Ryan’s identification and the papers she had signed. The woman, leaning over the corner of the desk, began to write Ryan’s information in the brown book.

Ryan took a drink of her water, and hoped Mr. Perkis didn’t notice the slight tremor in her hand. “I haven’t made that decision yet. I need to look over the summaries, and will let you know by the end of next week.”

Mr. Perkis frowned, and Ryan saw a faint smile cross Lisa’s lips as she continued to focus on her notary task. “I was being rhetorical, Ryan. When someone your age inherits not only a large sum of money and property, but truly a legacy, it is always best to stay the course.”

Ryan had been unsure if she disliked the man, or was feeling intimidated by the nature of the meeting. In a split second, she knew the answer to be the former. “Ronald, I grew up with this money and its legacy. So don’t worry about my ability to determine the best course of action for it - and me.”

The man sat slack jawed as Ryan stood. “Please have the sixty thousand dollars withdrawn.” Ryan turned her attention to a clearly amused Lisa. “May I email you with the wiring instructions?”

Nodding, the dark haired woman handed Ryan her ID back, and her business card. “Please, and I’ll send you copies of what you’ve signed today.” The woman quickly winked at Ryan.

Ronald Perkis, however, nearly hurdled his desk to get out in front of Ryan and open his office door for her. “I - I look forward to your call, Ms. Myers.”

Ryan gave the man a brisk nod and walked down the hall toward the bank of elevators. Leaning against the stainless steel wall of the elevator, Ryan’s knees felt loose from the surge of adrenaline. She had no idea what she was going to do. She would need to find another attorney. Preferably one that didn’t have a stick up his ass. Already, the complications she had avoided for years by not associating with her family were raising their ugly heads.

Waiting at the MTA stop, Ryan was running through Remembrance’s diary in her mind. After reading just a portion of the book, Ryan realized now, perhaps more than ever, just how unlike her family she was. Her ambitions were wholly her own. Politics, money, lobbying, it all seemed vapid and inevitably self-serving to Ryan.

Ryan glanced back at the skyscraper behind her, and shook her head. On top of those inherent pitfalls, money also afforded you the all too exciting opportunity to deal with self-gratifying assholes.

***

“Are you ready to get this done?” A very enthusiastic Greg asked as Ryan, Nicole and he walked through Patterson Park toward the football fields on a clear but cold Saturday morning. The park was a sprawling one hundred and thirty seven acres in the Canton neighborhood of Baltimore, and home to Hampstead Hill, the site of a major defensive hold against the British during the War of 1812.

Today, the hill boasted scenic views of the harbor, and was home to the beloved Pagoda. The structure, originally an observatory with its Japanese inspired aesthetic, was actually modeled after Victoria style architecture prevalent during its construction in 1890.

Ryan thought of the park as an oasis, since it was inspired by and modeled after New York City’s Central Park. Whenever she visited, she always felt a little nostalgic for her childhood and days in the park with Carol and her aunt.

“Are you focused today, Myers?” Greg nudged Ryan’s shoulder as they neared the sports fields.

“Calm down. We’ve got this.” The truth was Ryan was feeling off center. It wasn’t just thinking about her family that left Ryan restless. To her surprise, she was actually missing them – or at least, she was missing her cousin.  But also, she couldn’t stop thinking about Leah, who had agreed to attend the game today.

“Are you nervous?” Nicole looked concerned.

Ryan had told Nicole and Greg both about Leah coming to the game. She had shared some of her feelings about the woman with Nicole, though she had left the parts out about lust fueled heat flashes and still not talking to the woman about her history with the Myers family.

“You’re attracted to her. What’s the problem?” Nicole had asked over a bowl of Frosted Flakes and a cup of coffee. The two women were sitting at their dining room table, both still in their flannel pajamas Nicole’s mother had bought them the Christmas before last.

Ryan poured cream into her coffee. “No problem. It’s just never going to happen.”

“Because of the age thing? I thought people were over that. I mean fourteen year olds look thirty, thirty year olds are in wrinkle cream commercials, and obviously forty-somethings can look thirty three.” Nicole gestured with her spoon as if conducting a symphony.

Ryan took a sip of her coffee. “I don’t care about that.”

“Then what is it?” Nicole had pressed.

Recalling the conversation, Ryan looked down at the ground shaking her head as they walked toward the sports fields. The truth was, Leah didn’t seem all that interested in anything more than friendship. Add to that the still outstanding mystery of her relationship with Ryan’s mother, and the whole thing seemed doomed from the start. “I’m not nervous. I just hope Leah isn’t disappointed.”

“Well you explained to her how this works, right?” Greg was referencing the BSSC flag football divisions, and the fact that even though they belonged to the Super Extreme Social division, their game play was anything but super.

“Yeah. I told her we’re essentially out here to have a good time.” Hoping to spot Leah, Ryan began scanning the fields and the few intermittently placed bleachers as they approached the sports area.

“Understatement.” Nicole laughed. “It’s the perfect excuse for otherwise sane people to drink at ten in the morning.”

“I love me my day time drunks.” Greg chimed in. Nicole laughed and Greg smiled, clearly pleased he had amused the woman.

“Greetings, fellow Fluffy Box of Kittens teammates.” Philip Baird waved to the three as they began putting their bags and water bottles down near the side of the field. Philip was a British transplant, and had only been in the States for a little over a year. He was in his mid-twenties, with curly blond hair and a perfectly chiseled jaw line. Much to Nicole’s, and most of the other women on the team’s chagrin, Philip was not only a dedicated bachelor, but gay.

“You think he’s really committed to that?” Nicole had asked as they sat around Kislings after their first game together.

Ryan rolled her eyes at her roommate. “Are you seriously asking me that question?”

Nicole had sheepishly shrugged as she drank her pint. “There’s such a thing as bisexual.”

Ryan shook her head. “Then he would have said, mates - I’m bisexual. But he said gay.”

“Isn’t mates Australian?” Nicole had teased. She had moved past her initial doubt and infatuation when a drunk Philip had coined the team’s name, and insisted their team t-shirts be fuchsia.

Philip nodded toward a set of bleachers. “Ryan, a woman asked after you. She wanted to know if she was at the right field. She’s up there with her friend.”

Ryan shielded her eyes from the morning sun as she looked up. Leah was sitting near the top of the six row bleachers, next to a brown haired woman Ryan didn’t recognize. She had on a pair of slim cut jeans, a gray cable knit sweater, and burgundy colored scarf. Ryan continued to be amazed at how beautiful Leah was.

“Who’s she with?” Nicole followed Ryan’s gaze.

“Don’t know.” Ryan looked at Nicole. “Makes sense she wouldn’t come on her own.” The woman looked older than Leah, or more accurately, she looked like her chronological contemporary. Ryan had to admit she was attractive. Her hair was cut short and stylishly messy. She had a heavier build than Leah, and her curves filled out her dark jeans and burgundy sweater perfectly.

Greg put his arm around Ryan. “Are you going to introduce everyone?”

A wave of nervousness washed over Ryan, and she was regretting that she had invited Leah. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to see her. Somehow, though, the introduction of Leah into her social circle, even if it was just for the afternoon, made the relationship not only more real, but more intimate.

“Of course. Come on.” Ryan was impressed she had managed the casual tone even though her insides were doing somersaults.

Walking up the bleachers, Nicole and Greg in tow, Ryan reminded herself she had asked for this, and mustered her courage accordingly.

“Leah.” Ryan smiled as she stood in front of the two women. “You’re here.”

Leah looked up, an immediate smile spreading across her lips. “Hey, good to see you again.” The woman stood, and to Ryan’s delight, hugged her.

“Who’s this?” Ryan smiled at the woman who now stood at Leah’s side.

“I’m sorry. This is my friend Pamela Nollner. She’s down from Boston on business, and I thought she might enjoy a bit of sport.”

“A very little bit of sport.” Greg smiled as he extended his hand to Leah. “I’m Greg Matthews, and this is Ryan’s roommate, Nicole Wright.”

Leah laughed as she took Greg’s hand. “Leah Brewer - and I did look up the BSSC divisions, and I assume you are in the - what was it - super extreme social division?”

“It’s sanctioned day drinking. It’s like coming home every Saturday.” Nicole shook Leah and Pam’s hands as the group erupted in laughter.

“Then my trip isn’t a total waste.” Pam joked.

“We’ll do right by you.” Ryan winked and the group fell into a casual back and forth conversation.

As Greg was explaining how Leah and Pam should join them after the game for the ceremonial outing to Kislings for beer and wings, Ryan was trying to figure out if Leah and Pam were seeing each other.

Midway through her scrutiny of the two women’s body language, Ryan realized Leah was looking directly at her, an amused expression on her face.

“Sorry, what?” Ryan felt a flush of embarrassment.

Leah nodded toward the field. “I was saying we won’t miss you out there, you’re practically glowing in the dark.”

Ryan frowned. Pink was never her color, and with the cold weather she had been forced to wear a pair of black sweat pants, and a black thermal shirt under her team jersey. She felt incredibly frumpy. “I’m not sure what my signature color is, but I can effectively eliminate magenta.”

Leah and Pam laughed as Leah absently squeezed Ryan’s shoulder. “You’re positively radiant.” The blonde teased.

“Let’s go, Kittens!” Philip yelled from the field.

Greg and Nicole said their goodbyes, with assurances Pam and Leah would be joining them after the game. Ryan turned to follow her friends down the bleachers and was stopped when Leah grabbed her hand. “Thanks for inviting me.”

Ryan looked at their hands. Leah’s touch was warm in spite of the chill in the air. “Thanks for coming.” Not wanting to be rude, Ryan looked up at Pam. “Ready to see how we do it in Baltimore?”

Pam laughed. “Impress me.”

Ryan trotted down to join her team on the field. Everyone was handed a flag belt with three flags each, and the referee called Philip, the Kittens’ captain, and the captain of the opposing team, Touchdown My Pants, to the center of the field for the coin toss.

“She’s attractive.” Greg was standing next to Ryan as they waited for the outcome of the toss.

“Yea, she is.” Ryan struggled to sound casual.

“Is she with Pam?”

The idea of Leah being with anyone made Ryan feel possessive. She hated that was where her head went, and she worked hard to push the irrational irritation out of her voice when she answered Greg. “I’m not sure. You should ask her after the game.”

Greg’s eyes narrowed. “Would I be asking for me - or for you?”

Ryan chewed nervously at her lower lip. “Think of it as killing two birds with one stone.” Not waiting for what she was sure would be a pithy and sarcastic comment, Ryan ran out on the field and took her position. She casually glanced up at the bleachers. Leah and Pam were talking, and to Ryan’s dismay, not paying any attention to the field.

Don’t be a petulant child. The game hasn’t even started yet. Ryan chastised herself.

The whistle blew and in lieu of a kickoff, the Touchdowns threw the ball into the Kittens’ backfield. Henry Lancaster, a twenty-something who drove a delivery truck for FedEx, caught the ball, and ran forward only to have his flag pulled near the fifteen yard line.

The Kittens huddled up, and Greg, who usually quarterbacked, instructed the team. “Ryan and Henry, you two go long. Let’s start off with a bang.”

The players took their places, Ryan breaking into a sprint as the ball was hiked to Greg. The football came spiraling toward her, and catching it, Ryan ran the remaining length of the field to score the game’s first goal.

Applause and cheers erupted from Ryan’s teammates and the spectators. Ryan looked up to see Pam and Leah standing, both women clapping furiously.

“Great job Myers!” Several of Ryan’s teammates high-fived her as she jogged off the field.

The game moved along, the Touchdowns scoring, and then the Kittens countering. It was near the end of the game, the Kittens were down by a touchdown, and Greg had decided to run the same play as their first.

Ryan blew into her hands to warm them as she waited for the ball to be snapped. She was pretty pleased with her performance. She had scored the opening touchdown, and had racked up a fair number of yards. She looked out of the side of her eye, hopeful Leah was enjoying the game.

Pam and Leah sat huddled together, the temperature having dipped slightly during the game. Catching Ryan’s eye, Leah waved and gave Ryan a thumbs-up. Imagining what it would be like to date Leah, Ryan nearly missed her cue to run down the field.

Sprinting as she had at the beginning of the game, Ryan pulled deep breaths into her lungs, her legs working overtime. Unlike the first play, a Touchdowns player kept pace with her. Slowing down and turning to see the football spiraling toward her, Ryan and the other player both jumped simultaneously into the air.

A hard jolt, followed by a stab of pain across the lower half of her face, sent Ryan crashing to the ground with a loud thud. The wind had been knocked out of her, and for a split second, Ryan thought she was going to pass out.

“Ryan! Are you okay?” Nicole was gently rolling her over, a concerned look on her friend’s face.

Ryan coughed, and a rush of air filled her lungs. “What happened?”

Greg and the rest of the Kittens were now gathered around. “You missed the ball.” Greg kidded. “Oh, and you took an elbow to the lip by the looks of it.”

Ryan reached her hand up, and carefully poked at her lower lip. “Ouch!” She winced at the stab of pain, and her eyes widened when she pulled her finger back to see the tip coated in bright red blood. “Shit.”

“Shit is right, my friend.” Greg took Ryan’s hand and pulled her to her feet. “Let’s get you to the sideline and get some ice put on that.”

Ryan nodded, and lifted her head in hopes that a deep breath would clear away the lingering wooziness the collision had caused. “How’s the other guy?” She looked around, but before anyone could answer, Ivan Ferguson was standing in front of her.

Ivan was a little over six feet tall, thin with closely cropped brown hair. “Christ, Ryan - I’m so sorry.” The worried look on the man’s face made Ryan want to comfort him.

“No worries, Ivan.” Ryan managed to smile in spite of the pain in her lower lip.

“Let’s wrap this up!” The referee yelled from the center of the field. The Kittens still had one more down to score on, and Ryan hurried to the sideline, not wanting to delay the game any further.

Sitting down in one of the folding chairs that lined the field, Ryan reached for the cooler to her left for some ice.

“Let me help.” Leah’s voice came from next to Ryan, the woman having crouched down near her.

Ryan’s eyes widened. “Thanks.”

Leah inched around so she was kneeling in front of Ryan. “Does it hurt?” She reached for Ryan’s face, but then seemed to think better of it, and let her hands fall to her side.

“No, actually, but how awful did I look hurling myself through the air like that?” Ryan was working to squelch her embarrassment, along with the throbbing that was spreading across her chin.

Leah smiled as she opened the cooler and pulled one of the premade ice packs out. Looking at Ryan’s swollen lip, she grimaced. “You don’t want to know.”

Ryan laughed, amused by Leah’s candor. “I promised you and Pam a good show.” Ryan watched as Leah carefully wrapped the ice pack in a clean white towel. “Speaking of, where is Pam?”

Leah handed Ryan the ice pack. “She had to use the ladies’ room, but don’t worry, she saw everything.”

Ryan carefully placed the pack on her mouth. “Splendid.”

Leah stood up, and looking down at Ryan, smiled. “You’re really very good. You know, up to the point of unconsciousness.”

Ryan smiled from behind her block of ice. “The Myers women have always been creatures of extremes.”

Leah’s smile faded, and she looked down at the ground. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay.”

Ryan knew this was no place to start the conversation about her mother, but her brain seemed unwilling to let the opportunity pass. “Leah, did you -”

“Hell of a hit you took there, Ryan.” Pam seemed to materialize out of nowhere, and the moment between Leah and Ryan passed.

“I wouldn’t want you coming all the way down from Boston without a little bloodshed.” Ryan shifted the ice pack so it was resting on her lower lip and chin.

“A woman after my own heart.” Pam teased.

The referee blew the whistle, the three long shrill sounds signaling the end of the game, and the Touchdowns’ victory over the Kittens, twenty one to fourteen.

The rest of Ryan’s team ran off the field, and gathered around her, offering their condolences. In spite of a rapidly forming headache, it became apparent very quickly Ryan wasn’t going to be able to beg off Kislings, as the consensus was that nothing cured a busted lip like copious amounts of alcohol.

***

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Nicole tilted Ryan’s head back, and looked closely at her swollen bottom lip.

“It’s fine. The ice has already reduced the swelling.” Ryan managed a smile that sent a spark of pain across her lip.

Seeing her roommate’s obvious discomfort, Nicole cringed. “My vote is you go home, take an Aleve and call it a day.”

Ryan’s eyes shot over to the bar. Leah and Pam were standing near the farthest end, waiting for their drinks. “I’m fine.”

Nicole followed Ryan’s gaze and grinned. “I see.”

“You see what?” Ryan stepped back from her friend, and gently dabbed at her lip, relieved there wasn’t any more blood welling up.

“I can see why you want to press on.” Before Ryan could respond, Nicole turned and made her way toward Leah and Pam.

Horrified at what Nicole might say, Ryan trotted after her. Nicole came to a sudden stop ten feet from the other two women, causing Ryan to run into her.

“Jesus, Ryan.” Nicole stumbled forward.

Ryan grabbed her friend’s shoulder, and spun her around. “Sorry, but what do you think you’re doing?” Looking over Nicole’s shoulder, Ryan’s eyes darted back and forth between Leah and Nicole.

“You’re paranoid.” Nicole smirked, and shrugging Ryan’s hand off her shoulder turned back around.

“Hold up.” Ryan took Nicole’s wrist in her hand. “I’m not paranoid. I know you, and your proclivity for mischief.”

Nicole laughed. “Proclivity? Is that an educated way of saying I’m highly skilled at kick starting your social life?”

Ryan shook her head. “I hardly need a boost, friend.”

Nicole’s eyes narrowed as she slowly nodded her head. “Right, Jenny.”

What had started off as a lark was starting to annoy Ryan. “That’s right. Jenny.”

Nicole’s eyes widened. “Okay, calm down.”

“I am calm.” Ryan knew she wasn’t and hated that she tended toward paranoid and defensive where Leah was concerned. If she were honest, it wasn’t defensive so much as protective. She was loath to think too much about why it mattered what Leah’s impressions of her were. They were hardly more than acquaintances.

“That lip doesn’t look so hot.” Leah’s voice broke into the tension that was mounting between Ryan and Nicole.

Managing a weak smile, Ryan turned her attention to Leah. “Looks way worse than it feels.”

“Thank heaven for that.” Pam stepped up next to Leah. “So where is this thing happening?”

Ryan’s brow furrowed. “Thing?”

Nicole shifted nervously. “Why break with tradition?”

It took Ryan several seconds to catch up, but when she did a wave of dread washed over her. “We don’t -”

Leah frowned. “Oh, but we should.”

Pam took a drink of her beer, and nodded. “We must.”

Nicole smiled broadly. “Then we shall.”

Watching as the three women walked up the staircase to the second floor of Kislings, Ryan couldn’t imagine how she was going to manage the next hour.

“Why - so - serious?” Greg was standing next to Ryan, a half empty pint glass in his hand.

“It’s nothing.” Ryan shrugged, resigned to her fate and the inevitable embarrassment that was headed her way.

“What? You didn’t want to get filthy drunk via a raucous game of flip cup in front of a woman you are clearly attracted to?” Greg took a quick sip of his beer, and shrugged casually. “That’s understandable.” He walked toward the stairs, leaving a stunned, opened mouth Ryan standing in the middle of the bar.

I don’t have to go up there. Obviously they are all getting along superbly without me. Ryan considered her options. In the end, though, she knew it would be exponentially more awkward to just disappear then march upstairs and own her shame.

As she reached the second floor of Kislings, the sound of laughter and cheering filled the space. Over a dozen people, most of whom she knew from BSSC, were gathered around four small tables that had been slid together to form a large square table.

“Ryan, you’re here!” Corey Buckman, who by day was a successful web designer, had taken on his weekend drunk-frat-boy persona as he used one of five Natty Boh pitchers to fill six red plastic cups that lined either side of the table.

“Hey - you still know who I am. Drink more.” Ryan muttered.

“How do we pick teams?” Pam was sitting on one of the round bar stools that lined the back wall of the room. She had her arm around an amused Leah’s shoulders.

Ryan felt a twinge of envy at Pam’s proximity to Leah, and the obvious comfort the two women had with each other.

“Okay everyone!” Nicole’s voice boomed above the crowd. “We’ve got sixteen here today; so let’s count one through four, like numbers are on the same team - four teams total.” She pointed to Corey. “We’ll start with you, fella. While you can still count.”

Everyone laughed as a good natured Corey started the counting. Ryan watched as the group counted off. She had hoped to be on Leah’s team, but not only were they competing against each other, they were going to be directly across from each other during the first game.

Ryan was partnered with Kim Reynolds, Henry Lancaster, and Pam. Kim was a mousy woman in her early twenties. She had joined BSSC the season before last with her older, and much more gregarious, brother Nathan. What she lacked in personality, she made up for in her ability to chug an ice cold beer in record time. Ryan remembered thinking when she first witnessed Kim’s flip cup prowess that it was always the quiet ones.

“What’s our team name?” Kim asked.

Pam looked perplexed. “We have to come up with a name?”

Ryan feigned indignation. “Of course we have to come up with a name, Pam. Do you know any other way to flip cup?”

“You’re clever, Ryan.” Pam teased. “So what’ll it be?”

Kim raised her hand, and Henry promptly pushed it down. “Good lord, Reynolds, this isn’t third grade. Just chime in.”

Kim nodded. “Canton Crab Cakes.”

Ryan, Henry and Pam looked at each other for several seconds. “I don’t hate it.” Pam finally said.

“Done.” Ryan spun around, the four each took a team mate’s hand, and then raised them up. “Behold, the Canton Crab Cakes.” Ryan’s voice boomed.

“You’ve got crabs, Myers?” Nathan shouted from the other side of the room.

“Yeah. Your team had already taken Charm City Syphilis.” The room erupted in laughter.

“Whoa, now. Let’s keep it clean here, fellas.” Greg chimed in as he winked at Ryan.

With that, the games were underway as Greg and Nicole’s teams stood across the table from one another. Nicole glared at Greg. “You ready?”

With an equally steely gaze, Greg nodded. “Born that way.”

A sudden smile spread across Nicole’s lips before she had time to stop it. A second later, the intense glare returned. She and Greg began chanting as they raised their cups in repeated toasts.

“Boat races, boat races, let’s drink a cup. Boat races, boat races, let’s get fucked up!”

Ryan watched as her two best friends threw their heads back, and emptied their cups. Nicole was the first to place her cup upside down on the edge of the table. Greg, beer dripping off his chin, quickly followed suit, and in unison they both flipped the cups over.

The teams were neck-and-neck until the very end when it came down to Tiffany Crews and Craig Brinkman. Tiffany was a slight woman in her late twenties, and the newest member of the BSSC. She hadn’t said much about herself except that she worked in Washington, D.C. This had triggered a tremendous amount of wild speculation that she worked for the NSA or the CIA.

Craig nearly retched as he choked on his beer. Tiffany effortlessly emptied her cup, and with a single flick of her index finger set it upside down.

Greg and team jumped up and down. “That’s how we do it!” A slightly inebriated Greg yelled.

Ryan stepped up to the table while Corey quickly filled six new cups. This was not a graceful game, but Ryan did have something of a competitive nature; so not giving a hundred percent just wasn’t in the cards.

She couldn’t help but smile, though, as Leah stepped up opposite her. The beautiful blonde was leading off for the Rip Roaring Ravens, with Nathan anchoring the team.

“Nervous?” Leah goaded.

“Steady as a rock. You?” Ryan narrowed her eyes in an effort to be intimidating.

Leah chuckled. “All business.”

Ryan smiled as the two women reached for their cups. Nicole counted them down, and Ryan struggled to keep a straight face as she and Leah raised their cups and began chanting the alcohol laden mantra.

It was over in a matter of seconds as Leah effortlessly emptied the plastic cup, and on her first try flipped it upside down as Ryan was finishing her beer.

“Damn, Myers! She kicked your ass.” Nathan bellowed from the opposite end of the table.

Ryan felt a skitter of embarrassment rush through her, but managed to pull herself together, and on her second attempt successfully flip her cup. Kim was next in the order, and managed to make up for Ryan’s fumbling by emptying her cup and flipping it over in less than five seconds.

The two teams were tied as Pam reached for her cup and Nathan his. Ryan glanced at Leah to see if she was enjoying herself, and was surprised to see the blonde looking intently at her with a faint smile. Ryan felt a rush of heat to her neck and face, and quickly turned her attention back to the game to see Pam raising her arms victoriously as Nathan failed for the second time to get his cup over.

The room erupted in cheers and high fives. Greg flung his arm over Ryan’s shoulder. “She saved your butt.”

Ryan nodded. “Yes. I suck. I get it.” She playfully punched Greg in the side, and stepped away from him.

“The finals will begin momentarily.” Nicole announced as the table was cleared of cups.

Ryan walked over to the circle of people congratulating Pam, and patted the woman on the back. “Well done. Can you come back next weekend?”

Pam laughed. “Don’t let my speed and ninja like skills fool you. I’ve got maybe one more drink in me before I’m napping in the corner.”

Ryan laughed and turned to find Leah standing directly behind her. “Your girl’s got game.” Ryan joked.

Leah looked over at Pam. “She hates to lose.” The blonde’s eyes narrowed warily. “And she may be a functioning alcoholic.”

Ryan laughed at Leah’s dry sense of humor. “Both are assets in this situation.”

Leah nervously rubbed the back of her neck. “So, this is a little awkward.”

Ryan’s stomach did a quick tumble at Leah’s serious tone. “What’s that?”

Leah frowned. “You’re really bad at this.”

Relief washed over Ryan. “Really? Because this is my fallback plan if the whole social policy thing doesn’t work out.”

“Then I hope for everyone’s sake it does.”

Ryan puffed up her chest, and presented Leah with as broad a smile as her swollen lip would allow. “You’ll be happy to know then that I got the job.”

Leah’s eyes widened and she pulled Ryan to her. “That’s wonderful!” Holding Ryan by the upper arms, she leaned back. “Why didn’t you say anything earlier? That’s the biggest news.”

Ryan stammered, the nearness of Leah making her thoughts swirl nonsensically in her brain. “I - I was busy with that whole concussion followed by heavy drinking thing.” Ryan was both relieved and impressed that she managed to not only put a coherent sentence together, but one that verged on funny.

The two women’s eyes locked, and a flash of desire crossed Leah’s. For a split second Ryan thought she was going to kiss her. Instead, Leah patted a confused Ryan’s shoulder. “Congratulations. We’ll have to go out and celebrate.”

Ryan smirked. “Are you asking me out?”

Before Leah could answer, Greg stood next to them. “You got another round in you?” Greg teased as he handed Ryan a pint of beer.

Leah smiled, her excitement from earlier more guarded. “Good luck.” She excused herself and joined Pam and several others in their revelry.

Ryan loved Greg dearly, but at that moment she wanted to punch him in the throat for interrupting her and Leah’s conversation. Looking down at the pint, Ryan handed it back to Greg. “You’re so transparent.”

“What?” Greg feigned ignorance.

“Getting me full up and drunk on beer before my team kicks your team’s ass in the finals is low even for you.”

“I’ve got to take my opportunities where I get them.” He looked over at Pam. “She’s a professional at this shit.”

Ryan grinned. “They both should start their own league.”

Greg nodded. “Alright. It’s go time.” He put the full pint glass down on the table, and cracked his knuckles. “Gonna own you, Myers.”

Ryan shook her head. “This is going to be so uncomfortable for you shortly.”

The teams lined up at the table. Ryan scanned the room. She was trying not to be too obvious about seeing where Leah was. The blonde was standing near the far end of the table, and Nathan was leaning in whispering something to her. By the amused expression on her face, Leah was clearly enjoying the exchange.

Wondering what Nathan could be saying that was remotely coherent, much less amusing, Ryan fouled up the timing on the toast, and nearly aspirated on her beer. On the fourth try, she managed to flip her cup, and was relieved when once again Kim was through her beer and had flipped her cup in record time.

Henry did his part by finishing his beer in three large swigs, and flipping his cup on the second attempt. It then came down to Pam. Like clockwork, the woman finished her beer in four long gulps and successfully flipped her cup just in time to take the title for the Crab Cakes.

The room erupted in applause and cheers as Pam was inundated with congratulations, hugs, and slaps on the back. Ryan joined in the celebration as everyone poured themselves a cup of beer, and raised them up.

“Boom!” Greg shouted, and everyone drank.

Ryan felt a warm hand on her back, and turned to see a smiling Leah. “This was fun. Your friends are great. Thanks for including us.”

“Absolutely. It was great getting to hang out with you. Pam is awesome.” Ryan wanted to be cooler than this, but she felt a little off center around Leah. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was a feeling Ryan wasn’t familiar with.

“Would you like to have a drink with me sometime?” Leah chewed on the inside of her lower lip, and Ryan wondered why the woman seemed nervous.

“Now who’s the functioning alcoholic?” Both women laughed. “A drink sounds great, just text me when and where.”

Leah nodded. “Great.”

“Great.” Ryan was mortified the awkward ending to their lunch outing was about to repeat itself. Forcing her feet to move, Ryan took a step forward, tentatively wrapping her arms around Leah’s shoulders.

Leah hesitated, and Ryan thought she might stroke out from embarrassment. Then Leah pulled Ryan to her, and as the entire length of their bodies came into contact, Ryan felt as if she had been enveloped in a warm blanket. Independent of any thought, Ryan turned her head and buried her face in the crook of Leah’s neck.

Vanilla and the scent of fabric softener wafted over Ryan, inundating her entire body. The patter of the room faded into the background, and all Ryan could hear was Leah’s slow and even breathing against her ear.

Then Leah’s hands were on Ryan’s waist, gently moving her away. “I’ll see you soon.” The blonde’s green eyes were wide as she stepped away from a still dazed Ryan.

Managing a slow nod, Ryan smiled. “Sure.”

Ryan watched as Leah crossed the room and took Pam by the hand. She said something to the woman that caused Pam to quickly look up at Ryan, and then back at Leah. Moments later, the two women were saying their goodbyes and were gone.

“Want to order some wings?” Nicole was standing next to her, having upgraded her Natty Boh to a Jameson sour.

“What?” Ryan felt like she was waking up from a too long nap. Her eyes felt heavy and her body disconnected from her brain.

“What’s wrong with you?” Nicole stepped in front of Ryan, and took her chin in her hand. Tilting her head back and forth, she looked at Ryan’s blue eyes. “Are you drunk, or did that elbow to the mouth knock something loose?”

Ryan brushed Nicole’s hand away. “Neither. Wings are fine.” The last thing she wanted was spicy buffalo sauce in the cut on her lip. What she did want was to run after Leah and ask her what the hell was going on between them, but since that seemed impossible, she opted for the quicker and less painful burn.

Chapter 7

“To summarize, the overall value this new vendor relationship will bring to the existing Healthy Kids, Healthy Schools initiative will ensure the program’s vitality in all Howard County schools. This will be achieved as a result of the existing relationship U.S. Food Services has with the public schools, and the additional grant money the Healthy Kids program will now be eligible for, since U.S. is on the government’s approved contractors’ list.”

Ryan pressed the button on the wireless presenter’s remote, bringing her hour long slide presentation to an end. Scanning the room she placed the remote on the table in front of her. “What questions do you have for me?”

Linda Temper spoke first. She was an attractive woman in her mid-thirties, and in spite of the office’s business casual attire policy, she always looked immaculate in tailored business suits. In the two weeks Ryan had been working for the county, she had come to like Linda. She was intelligent and friendly.

“Ryan, with the initial outlay for contract approval, including our own legal costs, what is the difference between implementation and ongoing operational expenditures?” Linda was originally from South Carolina, and her cadences when she spoke were slower and more relaxed than her northern counterparts.

“Good question.” Ryan hit several keys on her laptop, and brought the profit and loss statement projections up on the overhead.

After several minutes of back and forth on cost, and several follow-up questions regarding the program itself, Ryan ended the meeting feeling her colleagues would accept her proposal. “Please stop by my office if you have any questions; otherwise, I need everyone’s decisions by close of business Friday.”

“Great plan and presentation, Ryan.” Donnie Hammond approached Ryan, a smile on his face. “If your numbers play out, it will save the county a little over three hundred thousand dollars a year.”

Ryan took the cap off of the bottled water she had sitting next to her laptop, and nodded as she took a drink. Her throat was dry from talking for over an hour. “I’m glad you’re pleased.”

Donnie tucked a copy of Ryan’s proposal under his arm as he walked toward the door to the conference room. “Very pleased.”

Ryan was thrilled her first major project was going well. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, she felt confident her proposal would become policy that would allow thousands of Howard County children to benefit from free nutritionally balanced school meals.

“Great work, Ryan.” Linda had hung back as the rest of the room emptied.

“Thanks for lobbing me some of those questions. It made for good discussion.” Ryan began packing her laptop up.

“No trouble.” Linda hesitated as if she had something else to add.

“Did you have more questions?” Ryan slung her laptop bag over her shoulder.

“What happened to your lip?” Linda’s grey eyes looked at Ryan’s still swollen lip.

“Don’t let anyone tell you flag football isn’t a contact sport.” Ryan grinned as she walked toward the door.

“Oh, do you play on a BSSC team?” Linda walked with Ryan as the two women exited the conference room and headed toward Ryan’s office.

“I do, but clearly not well.” Ryan pointed toward her lip.

“When I first moved here in 2008 I joined a team. I’m still friends with some of the folks I met.” Linda leaned against the door frame of Ryan’s office, her eyes following Ryan as she unpacked her laptop and reattached it to its docking station. “I was on a softball team.”

Ryan walked around the front of her desk and leaned against it. “Super extreme social division?”

Linda chuckled. “Drunk by noon on a Saturday? You bet.”

Ryan laughed. This was the first time she had talked with one of her new colleagues about something other than work, and the casual banter was refreshing. She had interned enough over the years to know making casual connections with co-workers was crucial if she was going to have the necessary influence to move her agendas forward.

“Would you like to have a drink sometime after work?” Linda spoke in a casual enough way, but the nervous expression that fluttered across her face told Ryan she was being asked out.

Ryan had noticed several other people in the office were either dating or married, but she had never thought it wise to comingle work and pleasure on the all too likely chance things turned sour. “Actually, that would be great. Donnie was just talking about how we should all go to Pub Dog for drinks.” Ryan could see the disappointment on Linda’s face, and felt bad dodging her advances, but not bad enough to risk their working relationship.

“Oh, great idea. Do you want to set that up for this week?” Linda managed to smile.

Ryan walked back around her desk and sat down. “I’ll send the email right now.” Smiling, Ryan started typing. “Thursday work for you?”

“Perfect. Chat with you later.” Linda left, and Ryan drafted a short invite and sent it out to her primary working group.

A faint buzzing sound came from Ryan’s top desk drawer. Pulling her cell phone out, she smiled to see a text from Leah.

Hi. I know you’re busy with the new job and we’ve been missing each other with that drink outing, but would you like to have drinks this Thursday around 6?

Ryan frowned. Her timing was not good. Ryan wondered what the odds were of her colleagues declining the invite, and Linda having something come up.

Just as Ryan was hoping for a slew of “no thanks” from her co-workers, her laptop chimed, and three people, including Donnie, had already accepted.

Pushing past her disappointment, Ryan responded to Leah. I just scheduled a work outing for drinks. Boo.

After nearly a minute, Ryan’s phone buzzed. How about dinner after?

Squelching the urge to cartwheel with glee, Ryan quickly responded. Great! I guess we should try to expand our horizons… no Wegmans?

Leah responded in kind. LOL. Petit Louis Bistro at 8? Does that give you enough time?

Ryan wanted to tell Leah she would slip out the back of the Pub Dog if it meant having dinner with her, but opted for a less emphatic response. Perfect. See you there.

Ryan felt karma had instantly rewarded her, and her principles, for not accepting Linda’s invite. She would spend an hour with her colleagues and then pop over to the bistro to meet Leah.

***

“I’m sure she understood. It’s a new job and you can’t just bail.” Nicole reassured Ryan as the two women strolled through the Butcher’s Hill flea market and craft fair held in Patterson Park. It was a clear Saturday morning, the temperatures hovered around fifty five degrees, and the market was teeming with vendors selling a variety of goods ranging from local arts and crafts, pottery, and clothing to crab cakes.

“I’m sure she’s fine, but I’m disappointed.” Ryan sighed. She had to call Leah Thursday night when it became apparent her new co-workers were deciding to take the happy hour out for a spin and into a full-on dinner. Donnie, in particular, seemed determined that Ryan should join them and get the chance to meet-and-greet everyone as the newest member of his department.

Leah had understood when Ryan stepped out of the Pub Dog to call her, and break the bad news. “No, please don’t worry about it. I understand the importance of office politics.” Leah had reassured Ryan.

“I appreciate your understanding, and we will definitely reschedule.” Ryan had insisted.

“Of course. Have fun.”

“I would have more fun with you.” Ryan had slammed her eyes shut, embarrassed she had been so candid with Leah.

Leah was good natured about the comment. “You flatter me.”

Ryan decided to cut her losses and wrap the call up, even though she had felt she could go on for hours about why Leah was a far better time than her co-workers. “Not at all, and I’ll call you about the reschedule.”

The two women had said their goodbyes, and Ryan had returned to the moderately rowdy group of county workers. In spite of the evening running longer than she had anticipated, Ryan enjoyed everyone’s company.

“I totally asked you out the other day.” An inebriated Linda had casually said to Ryan.

Nearly choking on her Natty Boh, Ryan wiped her mouth with the white paper napkin from across her lap. “I thought so, but didn’t want to assume.”

“Assume away. You’re gorgeous, and I haven’t been on a decent date for nearly two months.” Linda emptied her fourth dark and stormy cocktail.

Ryan had blushed, and squirmed a little on her bar stool. Linda was attractive, and Ryan wondered if it wasn’t for their working arrangement, and her infatuation with Leah, if she might take the woman up on her offer. After all, Jenny and she had nothing set in stone - except that they had nothing set in stone.

“I’m dating someone.” Ryan decided a half-truth could save Linda and her total awkwardness the following day when Linda was sober and sitting across the conference room table from Ryan.

“Naturally.” Linda sighed. “Why wouldn’t you be?”

Ryan tentatively put her arm around the despondent woman’s shoulder. “Pace yourself, things tend to work out.”

Linda chuckled. “Spoken like a twenty-something.” She gestured for their waiter to bring her another drink. “Trust me, somewhere over the rainbow, happily ever after, etcetera, etcetera - looks far less likely in your mid-thirties.”

Ryan hadn’t known what to say, as she had never considered being single a handicap or something to be overcome. She was grateful when Wally, their IT analyst, had interrupted the group to announce he was buying the next round. The outpouring of drunken gratitude had redirected Linda, and she moved on to other less depressing topics.

“Subject change, my friend.” Nicole interrupted Ryan’s recollections. “What are we going to do about the car situation?” Nicole was only half joking. Even with her working from home three days a week, Ryan’s commute to Columbia was putting a strain on the roommates’ transportation options.

“I can buy a car.” Ryan said casually as the two women perused a table full of small statues and candles.

“What? Since when?” Nicole stammered.

Ryan thought now was as good a time as any to tell someone about her inheritance, and she felt it was right that Nicole should be the first of her friends to know. “My mom left me some money.”

Nicole put a small Buddha statue back on the table, and turned her attention to Ryan. “I’ll be blunt and tactless - how much is some money?”

Ryan winced. “Um, I could buy everyone we know a new car.” Ryan watched as her friend’s eyes widened. “Times ten thousand plus.”

Nicole flinched, and her hip hit the edge of the table sending a stone statue of a raven crashing to the ground. “Shit!” The two women said in unison as they looked down at the shards of clay.

“You’re paying for that, Myers. Because clearly you can.” Nicole pinched Ryan’s upper arm in jest.

Ryan was relieved she had told someone, and that Nicole wasn’t behaving any differently toward her. “You’re not pissed I didn’t tell you sooner?”

Nicole bent down with Ryan, and the two began picking the mangled statue up. “It’s your business, Ryan, and with everything else that had happened with your family, I appreciate you needed some time to wrap your head around it.”

Ryan’s eyes filled with tears. She felt so fortunate to have Nicole in her life, and thankful for the honest friendship the two had. “Thanks, Nic.”

Nicole’s eyes welled with tears. “Shit, look at this.” She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “And you are seriously paying for this mess.”

Ryan pulled Nicole to her feet, and hugged her. Reaching into her back pocket, Ryan took her wallet out and handed the irritated merchant a twenty dollar bill. “Sorry, and keep the change.”

Nicole lay what was left of the raven statue back on the table, and the two women hurried off. “So – ah – what does this mean for you?”

Ryan could tell that for one of the few times in their friendship, she had managed to genuinely shock Nicole. The woman was rarely awkward and hardly ever at a loss for words. Ryan resolved not to give her too much grief, and would try to keep the conversation straightforward. “I’ve decided it really doesn’t have to change much of anything for me.”

Nicole’s brow arched. “Is that realistic?”

Ryan shrugged. “I know at some point I’ll need to decide where the money should go. I mean, there is only so much one person needs.” Her deadline for contacting Mr. Perkis regarding the transfer of the estate from his firm had come and gone. Even the process of vetting a new attorney was proving more work than Ryan had anticipated.

Nicole nodded. “You should start some type of cleverly named philanthropic organization.”

Ryan pursed her lips. “Well, you lost me at cleverly named.”

The two women strolled through the market, Ryan imagining Nicole had a thousand questions, but thought it best to let her come to them on her own. After all, Ryan wasn’t exactly riddled with answers these days.

“Let’s get a corn dog.” Nicole pointed to a nearby food truck.

“It’s ten o’clock in the morning.” Ryan’s stomach did a quick somersault at the idea of the greasy, meat by-product laden concoction.

“Suit yourself. Do you want a lemonade then?” Nicole asked.

“Sure.” Ryan reached into her back pocket for her wallet.

“Oh, no – let me get this.” Nicole winked, and disappeared into the crowd.

Ryan didn’t want to wander too far and end up separated from Nicole, so when she spotted a table full of books nearby, she worked her way over to the booth. The books were lined up in rows, with their spines facing upward. Turning her head to the side, Ryan scanned the titles and couldn’t help but think of Leah, and wonder what she was doing.

Her eyes came to rest on a colorful book with a series of brightly colored circles on its cover. Liberating it from its counterparts, Ryan grinned at the title, Super Sad True Love Story, and thought it apt. She flipped through the title page and introduction, scanning text as she went.

Ryan hadn’t heard of the book or the author, but it was clearly satirical and not altogether unfunny. Ryan’s eyes paused on a sentence: By reading this message you are denying its existence and implying consent. Continuing to scan, she thought of her mother, and her family as she read another passage: Do not throw away your heart. Keep your heart. Your heart is all that matters ... Throw away your ancestors! ... Throw away your shyness and the anger that lies just a few inches beneath ... Accept the truth!

“That seems a little heavy for a beautiful Saturday morning.” Leah’s voice startled Ryan, and she nearly dropped the book.

Ryan’s eyes narrowed. She managed to gain her composure quickly after initially being surprised to see Leah. “Are you stalking me?”

Leah’s expression turned serious. “Clearly not well if it’s that obvious.”

The two women laughed, and Leah leaned in to give Ryan a quick hug. It occurred to Ryan how tragic she was that even when Leah was clearly offering a brief show of friendly affection, Ryan’s heart still pounded, and her skin warmed.

“Are you here alone?” Ryan looked behind Leah.

“No, my friend Marty is around here somewhere. I think he’s given into his base instincts and is trying to find a funnel cake vendor.”

Ryan was acutely aware that Leah had not released her hand after their initial hug, and was fighting the urge to squeeze the woman’s hand tighter. “Nicole is on a similar quest – corn dogs.”

Leah wrinkled her nose. “Not a fan.” She reached for the book that was still in Ryan’s hand. “Are you going to buy this?”

Ryan shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t usually go in for this sort of thing, but I’ve just skimmed a few pages and managed to smile; so maybe it’s a sign.”

Leah thumbed through the book. “I’ve never thought it was too difficult to make you smile.” Leah looked up at Ryan, a glimmer in her green eyes.

Before Ryan could stumble and fall over her own nonsensical words, Nicole appeared. She had two corn dogs clutched in one hand, and a large lemonade in a clear plastic cup in the other. “Leah. Hey, how are you?”

Before Leah could respond, Ryan took her lemonade and looked suspiciously at the two corn dogs. “I really didn’t want one.”

Nicole took a bite of one of the dogs, the yellow mustard she had coated it in clinging to the corners of her mouth. “Yeah. I heard you.” Chewing quickly, Nicole turned back to Leah. “So, fancy meeting you here.”

Leah smiled. “I appreciate you giving me the benefit of the doubt. Your friend jumped straight to accusing me of being a stalker.”

Nicole laughed, and nearly sent pieces of half chewed corndog flying. “Well, if it’s that obvious, you must really suck at it.”

Leah’s eyes widened and a huge smile spread across her lips. “That’s exactly the point I made.” She gave Ryan’s hand a quick squeeze, and then let it go. “My friend Marty is around here somewhere. If I can find the funnel cake truck, I will have my man.”

“We can help.” Nicole offered, shooting Ryan a quick wink. “I could use something to wash these corndogs down with.”

Leah put the book back on the table, and she and Nicole began walking toward the row of food trucks that lined the parameter of the market. Looking back, Nicole grinned. “Are you coming?”

Ryan took a deep breath, unsure what her friend had planned, and hoping it didn’t end with Ryan being humiliated.

“Marty!” Leah waved as Marty, a short, stout man in his late forties with a full gray beard, wound his way through the crowd. The man held a grease soaked paper plate in his hand, powdered sugar coating the tips of his fingers as he ineloquently bit into the funnel cake.

“You’ve made friends.” Marty grinned at Ryan and Nicole, wiping at his mouth with a balled-up napkin he had in his free hand. “I’m Marty Parry, Leah’s friend and business partner. Nice to meet you.”

Nicole, who was now down to half a corndog, reached out her hand. “Nicole Wright. It’s always nice to meet a fellow connoisseur of fine food.” She held up her half-eaten corn dog.

Marty lifted the greasy plate in a mock toast. “Cheers to that.”

“I’m Ryan Myers.” Holding out her hand, Ryan took note of the stocky man’s eyes narrowing as a look of recognition shot across his face. She wondered if Leah had talked about her to her friend.

“Nice to meet you.” Marty shifted the paper plate from his left to right hand, powdered sugar cascading into the morning air. “At the risk of sounding cliché, do you come here often?”

Ryan chuckled. “Not too much, but it was so nice out today we thought we should take advantage. You two?” She glanced at Leah who was standing next to her, an amused expression on her face as she watched Marty try to eat the funnel cake without completely defiling himself with grease and sugar.

With a mouth full of pastry, Marty nodded. “Most Saturdays.”

“Well, there goes your stalker theory.” Leah teased as she nudged Ryan with her shoulder.

“I don’t know what you put him up to. He might say anything to keep you from being served with a restraining order.” Ryan playfully teased Leah.

“Should we continue our perusing?” Marty asked the group.

“Actually Marty, I was hoping you would take me to the funnel cake truck. These corn dogs need some dessert.” Nicole smiled warmly.

“I would be happy to assist a fellow connoisseur.” The man blushed at Nicole’s quasi-flirting.

“We’ll go with you.” Ryan offered.

“No, no. You and Leah hang back. I don’t want your caloric judginess ruining my food buzz.” Without another word, Nicole and Marty walked away, leaving Ryan and Leah standing in a crowd of people.

“Are you judgy?” Leah was standing right behind Ryan, her tone dire. When Ryan turned around to face the blonde, their faces were only inches apart.

Ryan didn’t risk answering the woman, for fear the tremor she felt tickling the back of her throat would give away how nervous being left alone with Leah made her.

Leah’s eyes brightened and she smiled. “I’m only kidding with you. You seem like the most laidback person I’ve ever met.”

Ryan exhaled, the tightness in her chest lessening. “I never judge – out loud.”

Leah laughed and looped her arm through Ryan’s. The two women began a leisurely stroll through the market. Ryan wondered when it was that Leah had become so comfortable touching her. Though the contact was clearly casual for the older woman, it was distracting and remarkable for Ryan. She felt certain her conversation skills reduced dramatically when Leah looked at her a certain way. When she actually touched Ryan, it was difficult for her to stay upright.

“You and Marty work together?” Ryan’s mouth felt hot and dry as she spoke.

“Hmm. Yes. Business partners and best friends for nearly ten years. We opened the bookshop together shortly after Marty’s wife, Sylvia, was killed in a car accident.”

Ryan gasped. “That’s terrible.”

Leak sighed. “I know. He’s never remarried, and has become like a brother to me. I’d be lost without him.”

Ryan watched Leah closely. Ryan’s heart ached as tears pooled in the woman’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Leah smiled and wiped at an errant tear. “I’m just feeling sentimental. Ignore me.” She took a cleansing breath. “You know, if you like that book from earlier, and you’re willing to take a chance on an outdated technology – I could get you a signed edition.”

“Ah, no. I mean I thought it was clever, but I know myself – I wouldn’t read it.” Ryan wanted to lean into Leah as they walk.

“Have you read much for pleasure since school?” Leah asked, a gust of wind blowing a strand of her blonde hair over her right eye. Her reaching up casually to brush it aside was the sexiest thing Ryan had ever seen.

Jesus Christ! Would you get over it Myers! Ryan shouted to herself. She’s a nice woman and attractive, but she’s not the second coming. Stop being such a fool.

“Ryan?” Leah had stopped walking, a confused expression on her face as she stepped back from Ryan.

“What?” Ryan’s eyes narrowed, and she realized, much to her humiliation, she had completely lost track of the conversation.

“I was asking if you had gotten caught up on your reading since you’re not being forced to do it for school.” Leah frowned and cocked her head to the side. “Are you feeling okay?”

Ryan nodded quickly. “Yes. Sorry, I – no. I haven’t really done much reading.”

Leah placed her hand on Ryan’s forehead. “You feel hot. Are you coming down with something?”

The woman’s hand on her forehead sent a wave of vertigo through Ryan, her stomach tightening as she struggled not to pass out. In spite of her efforts, Ryan’s knees buckled and she fell forward into Leah.

Luckily Leah was able to absorb Ryan’s weight, and quickly helped the dazed woman to a nearby bench. Ryan leaned forward, putting her head between her knees, wanting the space around her to stop spinning so quickly.

As the fog in Ryan’s head began to lift, she became aware of Leah’s hand gently rubbing her back. “Should I get Nicole, or get you some water?” Leah glanced around to see if Nicole and Marty were anywhere to be found. “I hate to leave you.”

Ryan willed herself upright, and lifting her head, took a deep breath. “I’m okay.”

Leah scooted closer to Ryan, their thighs touching. “You’re not okay. You’re pale and burning up.”

Then as quickly as it had come, the crack in space that had threatened to swallow Ryan closed. Her head cleared, and she felt as if she could breathe again. Now where Leah’s touch from moments ago had left her dizzy, the pressure of her leg against Ryan’s was spreading outward, wrapping her entire body in a warm blanket.

“I’m actually better. I mean I wasn’t a second ago – you were right, but now –” Ryan slowly stood. “Whatever it was has passed.”

Leah continued to sit on the bench, looking up at Ryan, her brow furrowed. “What happened?”

Ryan shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I haven’t eaten much today. Maybe that’s it.”

The truth was she didn’t know why the spell had come upon her. She did, however, have a fairly clear understanding of who caused it.

“Do you want me to go find Nicole?” Leah stood, and took Ryan’s hand in hers.

Shaking her head, Ryan mustered the courage and wherewithal to gently squeeze Leah’s hand as she looked intently at the woman. “It’s really okay. I promise if it weren’t I would tell you.”

Leah studied Ryan’s face closely before responding. “Alright, but just so you know, you scared the shit out of me.”

Ryan, feeling emboldened by her clearer head, stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Leah. “It scared the shit out of me too.”

***

“I’m hungry. Do you want to order a pizza?” Ryan rolled over, and curled up next to a naked Jenny. The soft Egyptian cotton of the sheets and comforter felt indulgent against Ryan’s skin. The two women had spent the better part of the afternoon in Jenny’s bed, and Ryan was content to stay in for the evening.

Jenny grinned. “Sounds perfect.” The woman stretched her arms over her head, and then shifted so she was facing Ryan. “I have to do some work though.” She laid her hand on the side of Ryan’s face.

Ryan yawned and turned her lips to Jenny’s palm. “If you must.”

Jenny had accepted a position in the administration of the recently elected Republican Lieutenant Governor Floyd Waterford. One of only two Republican tickets elected to the Governor’s office in Maryland since 1964, Waterford and Governor Harry Logan had taken over fifty percent of the vote on a platform of job creation, tax cuts, and positioning Maryland to be more appealing to businesses.

Ryan didn’t consider herself particularly political. She had voted in every election since she was eighteen, but unlike Jenny, the idea of making a career out of politics - even given her interest in policy - had never attracted Ryan.

“I have eight vendor proposals to read through before tomorrow.” Jenny sat up, putting her legs over the side of the bed.

“Or we could binge on Netflix and pizza for the rest of the day?” Ryan wrapped her arm around Jenny’s bare waist and tried to pull the woman back down, but was met with resistance as Jenny twisted and stood.

Running her fingers through her brown hair, Jenny reached for a black tieback that lay on the nightstand. “I would love that, but sadly -” She turned to face Ryan, who still lay in the bed. “Tragically - I can’t.”

Ryan feigned a pout. “You’ve chosen work over me.”

Jenny’s manicured brow arched. “I know you’re joking; otherwise, I’d punch you in the face.” She knelt next to the bed, resting her chin on the mattress. “But not before reminding you how much this job means to me, and how it’s a solid step through the front door of the RNC in Maryland.”

Ryan grabbed Jenny’s pillow, the scent of citrus and lavender filling her senses as she covered her face with the soft fabric. “I know. I get it.”

Ryan felt a weight bearing down on her hips, and tossing the pillow to the side, grinned as a naked and very sexy Jenny straddled her. “What do you get?” Jenny’s eyes narrowed as she looked intently at Ryan.

Ryan clenched her lower lip between her teeth, trying desperately not to grope Jenny like a prepubescent boy. “I understand that someday you’ll rule the world, but first you’re deciding which vendors get contracts to refurbish state owned buildings.”

Jenny cocked her head to the side, her pink lips turned slightly upward. “Damn straight.” She playfully pinched Ryan’s bare stomach and sprung from the bed. “Now order the pizza. I’m starved.” With that, she disappeared into the bathroom.

Ryan lay back on the bed, her eyes wandering around the bedroom and its contemporary furnishings. Jenny’s entire row house resembled a page from the IKEA catalogue, and though it suited Jenny, the vibrant colors contrasted by stark whites and grays didn’t appeal to Ryan. She had, presumably because of the house she grew up in, always preferred dark woods and warm colors.

Ryan reached for her phone she had discarded on the nightstand several hours prior. She had a text message from Nicole about catching a movie with her and Greg. She quickly sent her regrets, and continued to scroll.

Leah’s name appeared on the small display, and Ryan felt her stomach tighten with excitement. Sorry to bother, but I have two tickets to the Orioles’ game next Saturday. Interested?

Ryan smiled at the formality of the text. She could barely be bothered to use whole words when she texted, much less correctly punctuated complete sentences.

Hi. Sounds like fun. Text me the when and where. Ryan hit the send button, and lay with the phone resting on her stomach.

“How long for the pizza?” Jenny came out of the bathroom in a cobalt blue silk bathrobe.

“Shit.” Ryan grabbed her phone and quickly scrolled through her contact list.

Jenny sat on the edge of the bed. “What have you been doing out here?”

“Leah invited me to the O’s game next Saturday, and I was responding to her text.” Ryan was focusing on her phone, and highlighted the Home Slyce contact before hitting the call button. Her eyes down, she didn’t see the frown on Jenny’s face before the woman stood and left the bedroom.

After ordering their customary large pepperoni and bell pepper pizza, Ryan pulled on her jeans and t-shirt. Wandering into the living room, Ryan smiled at one of the few features in the house she liked. A fireplace sat on the far wall of the room. Its hearth was a light granite and the mantel face was tarnished steel plates that ran from the floor to the ceiling.

“The pizza should be here in about forty five minutes.” Ryan sat down on the brown leather sofa, and reached for the television remote.

“Fine.” Jenny was sitting at the brushed steel dining room table. Her tone was curt, prompting Ryan to mute the television.

“Everything okay?” Ryan leaned forward.

Jenny shrugged. “Your birthday is next Saturday. I had thought we would spend the day together.”

Ryan grimaced. She hadn’t forgotten her twenty seventh birthday was rapidly approaching, but she had forgotten it was the Saturday of the game. “I totally forgot.”

Jenny huffed, but still hadn’t looked up at Ryan. “How can you forget your own birthday?”

Ryan laid the remote down on the sofa, and walked over to sit with Jenny at the dining room table. “I meant I forgot it was that Saturday.” Ryan thought the decent thing to do would be to text Leah and tell her she couldn’t make it after all, but spending the day with Leah trumped Ryan’s urge to appease Jenny.

“I’m sure Nicole has something planned.” Jenny stated, her eyes focused on her work.

Seeing an opportunity to lighten the mood, Ryan smiled. “Is that it? Nic has a party planned and you were supposed to get me there?”

Jenny looked up. “Seriously? That would have involved your roommate and me saying more than three words to each other.”

Ryan leaned back in the chair, the narrow slats digging into her shoulder blades. “I guess you wouldn’t tell me anyway.”

“Nothing to tell.” Jenny thumbed through a stack of papers, marking every other page with a red ballpoint pen.

“Why are you mad?” Ryan opted for the direct route. She and Jenny had always been good at being honest with each other. They had decided it was the only way their open relationship would ever work.

“I just didn’t realize you and Leah were friendly enough to spend your birthday together.” Jenny slid several papers between the ends of her black Swingline stapler, and forcibly slammed her palm down, securing the staple.

Ryan looked cautiously at Jenny, the woman’s irritation obvious. “Like I said, I forgot Saturday was my birthday.”

“And you know her how again?” Jenny dropped the ballpoint pen on the table.

“She knew my family.” Ryan was hesitant to share anymore. She didn’t fully understand Leah’s history with the Myers, and she didn’t want to get into a game of twenty questions with Jenny.

Nodding, Jenny picked her pen back up and tucked it into the corner of her mouth. “So she was friends with your mother?”

Ryan nodded, not sure where the conversation was going.

“She’s got to be what - forty five - forty six?” Jenny looked at Ryan expectantly.

“Something like that. You know it’s considered rude to ask a woman her age.” Ryan grinned, wanting desperately to end the exchange.

Jenny pursed her lips. “Right.” She turned her attention back to her work. “Be careful, Ryan. You may have a cougar on your hands.”

Ryan didn’t like feeling as if Jenny were attempting to goad her into an argument, and she certainly wasn’t interested in having one about Leah. “The game isn’t until the afternoon. Let’s do breakfast or brunch.”

The corner of Jenny’s mouth turned up. “I’ll check my calendar.”

Chapter 8

“You’re home sooner than I expected.” Nicole was sitting at the dining room table, the glow of her laptop screen the only light in the dimly lit space.

“Yeah, I’m tired, and thought I’d make an early night of it.” Ryan hung her leather bag from one of the hooks near the door.

“Jenny called.” Nicole didn’t look up from the laptop, but the amused smirk on her face told Ryan she suspected all was not well.

“And you actually answered?” Ryan attempted to distract her roommate.

“I evidently have a masochistic streak.” Nicole closed the laptop and turned her attention to Ryan. “She sounded tense. I mean more so than the usual stick up her ass warrants.”

Ryan walked into the kitchen and got a bottled water from the refrigerator. “I take it back, Jenny and you are getting married, not you and Greg.”

Nicole was standing in the entrance to the kitchen. “I’m not telling you I would never vacation on your side of the street, but not with that one.”

“What did she say, Nic?” Ryan took a drink of her water as she leaned against the counter.

“She said to tell you she is available for breakfast Saturday, and to give her a call.” Nicole took the bottled water from Ryan, taking a long drink.

“Cool.” Ryan didn’t want to get into the details with Nicole, and she wasn’t sure she was going to take Jenny up on her delayed acceptance of what had actually been Ryan’s invitation.

Nicole nodded, a suspicious expression on her face. “So what are you doing for your birthday? I thought Greg, you, and I could pop out for dinner and drinks in Fells Point.”

Ryan walked past Nicole, reclaiming her water before she left the kitchen. “Leah’s asked me to an Orioles’ game and I figured I may as well go, but we can do a late dinner.”

Nicole followed Ryan to the foot of the stairs. “Leah? That seems promising.”

Ryan rested her hand on the banister. “What’s promising?”

Nicole rolled her eyes. “Never mind, be that way. Clearly you’re in a mood.”

Ryan blew Nicole an exaggerated kiss and bounded up the stairs to her bedroom. Kicking off her shoes, Ryan laid down on her bed. She didn’t want to spend the next hour thinking about Leah, so she reached for the leather bound diary laying on her nightstand.

***

10 March 1628

The fear that had all but left me, thanks to Margery’s constant reassurances that my child was well, has once again settled heavily upon my shoulders and wears at my heart.

These past three days there has been a perpetual sourness in my stomach that, in spite of her best efforts, Margery and her medicines have not been able to abate. I know something is wrong even though Margery assures me it is not uncommon to experience these sorts of ailments throughout a pregnancy.

The treatments seem to make it worse, and my stomach has begun to sour in anticipation when Margery arrives. She feels terrible for me, and stays as long as she can in an effort to reassure me. I am sad for her as her mother has taken ill, and I do not wish to keep her any longer than is necessary.

Just this morning I encouraged Margery to leave, and spend the morning with Goody Sebille. Margery’s face grew pale, and I could see there was something more to her story. After several minutes she finally confided in me that she fears the town will not honor the original conditions of her family’s contract, and she and her younger sister Abigail may be homeless should her mother pass.

The very thought of Margery being turned out angered me, and I assured her I would speak to Isaac. I cannot imagine this is what the court intends as the Sebille family was among the earliest settlers of our grand colony. Their passage secured by the very contract Margery now fears will be voided upon her mother’s death.

***

12 March 1628

I am feeling better today, and managed to get enough time with Isaac to discuss Margery’s situation. I was surprised that my husband was aware of the contract dispute, and had not thought to tell me. Though, if I am honest with myself, since Isaac took his position in the Governor’s office, he has been more occupied with his responsibilities to the community at large, than to our family.

I do not resent this absence as I know he is a very important man, but I do wish the carefree days of our past were once again upon us. Isaac takes his obligations very seriously. The irony being his commitment to the colony, and being a positive public servant, are but a few of many things I love and admire about him.

Never one to disappoint, Isaac did agree to discuss the Sebilles’ situation with the court, and provide character testimony as to how very valuable the services the family provides the community are.

***

14 March 1628

Margery arrived today with her younger sister Abigail. I am sorry to say that having felt better for the past two days, the sourness in my stomach returned shortly after the two women arrived. I should consider it good timing as both Margery and Abigail are fine midwives, and immediately took to the kitchen and prepared a tea for me made from foraged berries and herbs.

“How do you keep them fresh throughout the winter?” I asked the sisters as I drank eagerly of the sweet tea.

Abigail, who I understand is considered rather beautiful, having already turned down two marriage proposals at barely the age of sixteen, explained that the family keeps a small cellar, and the roots are preserved in the dryness of the space. I inhaled the aroma of the tea deeply, and the warmth of the liquid did seem to settle my stomach.

I told Margery that I had spoken with Isaac regarding the matter of their housing contract. This brought dire news as Margery and Abigail both began to weep. It seems Goody Sebille had taken a turn for the worse the night before, and neither daughter held out hope the woman would survive the week.

I thought myself terrible for not immediately asking after the woman, and insisted the sisters leave to spend time with their mother. Truly dedicated, neither would go until they had attended to my stomach ailment, and ensured I was comfortably in bed.

It was shortly after finishing the tea that the sourness in my stomach was replaced by a series of cramps that brought me to my knees. Abigail and Margery quickly assisted in getting me to bed, and I feared the worst.

“Am I losing the baby?!” I cried out as Margery laid a blanket over me while Abigail arranged my pillows so that my head was slightly elevated.

“Shh, your child is fine.” Abigail took a small damp cloth from her sister, and gently stroked my forehead, beads of sweat gathering as the pain from the cramping rushed through me.

As soon as the cloth touched my skin, a coolness spread outward from it. The flush of my cheeks and the heat that coursed through my body was lessened, and I felt as if I could breathe again. I do not know what she did as the coolness of the cloth seemed disproportional to me.

I admit though to being frightened, but at the same time elated that my skin no longer burned and the cramping in my stomach had diminished.

“Do you want Abigail to stay with you?” Margery had asked, the concern and compassion evident in her voice.

Needing nothing more than rest at that point, I thanked the two women, and insisted they leave and tend to their mother. Margery hesitated, and it was Abigail that finally spoke up and said she would return to check on me later that afternoon as Margery made her calls to three other pregnant women in the town.

With that reassurance, and after pouring me another cup of tea, the two sisters left. I drank the tea, and within a few minutes it squelched the sourness in my stomach, and I was able to sleep.

***

16 March 1628

The situation with Goody Sebille has become dire. According to Isaac, prior to taking ill she had drafted a letter to the court in which she called portions of her family’s contract due immediately. Now, I do not understand the intricacies of business matters, but Isaac assures me this is very unusual, and the primary reason the court was attempting to terminate the family’s contract.

I could not imagine Margery was aware of this circumstance as she would no doubt think it unfair of her mother to put undue burden on the town. Nonetheless, Isaac promises me mother and daughters signed the letter to the court, and he has no interest in intervening.

When pressed about what conditions the family had sought to have paid in full, Isaac became uncharacteristically agitated, and swiftly told me it was none of my never mind. So shocked by his assertion, I was rendered speechless, and before I could find my voice again, my husband had retired to his study for the evening.

***

Pickles Pub was located less than fifty yards from the entrance to Camden Yards. The pub was a popular place for locals to gather to watch their favorite sports teams, or for fans of the Orioles to meet up before a game.

“It’s called an Orange Crush.” Ryan raised her voice over the noise of the crowded bar. “You get it, orange crush - Orioles?”

Leah laughed. “I get it.” She took a drink of the vodka laden beverage. The tartness of the orange Crush soda and lime were cut by the triple sec. “It’s good.”

Ryan was admiring Leah’s gray vintage t-shirt that had the Orioles’ bird logo stamped across the front. “I like your shirt.”

Leah smiled and looked down. “Thanks! Yours is cool, too.” Ryan was wearing an orange, V-neck t-shirt with block letters that read Keep Calm We Got Adam Jones.

“I appreciate you indulging me. Pickles is a tradition.” Ryan took a long drink of her Orange Crush, and scanned the congested space for their waitress. “Do you want to get some fried pickles?”

Leah nodded, an amused expression on her face. “How could we not?”

Ryan nodded. “That’s the right attitude.” Spotting their waitress, Ryan raised her hand. “Can we get an order of fried pickles, please?”

The woman nodded, and without a word turned to begin helping the table directly behind Ryan and Leah’s table.

“How long have you been coming to the games?” Ryan asked.

Leah considered the question for a second. “About six years.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “And you’ve never been to Pickles?”

“I know – sacrilege. Don’t judge me.” Leah winked as she took another drink of her Orange Crush.

Ryan shook her head. “Like I told you, I never judge -”

“I know. You never judge out loud.” Leah grinned.

“You listened.” Ryan knew she was too excited over the fact Leah had remembered her casual quip from the market.

“Off and on.” Leah looked up at one of twenty televisions hung throughout the bar.

“It’s my birthday today.” Ryan mentioned casually.

Leah’s brow arched. “You should have said something sooner. Happy birthday!”

Ryan grinned, and before she could respond the waitress returned with the fried pickles. “Would you like another round?”

“Yes, please.” Leah answered before Ryan could, a mischievous glint in her green eyes. “And yours are my treat.”

Ryan thought to argue, but could tell by Leah’s emphatic tone, it would be a lost cause. “Done.”

A basket of fried pickles and two more Orange Crushes later, Leah had settled the tab, and the two women were walking across the congested street toward the stadium. The sky was partly clouding, and the weather was cooler than normal for the middle of April.

Entering the retro style stadium, Leah and Ryan made their way along Eutaw Street that ran between the ballpark itself and the B&O Warehouse. The street was a thoroughfare closed to vehicular traffic, and lined with food vendors and merchants. The entire ballpark was built in the vein of the nineteen thirties’ ballparks. The exposed red brick, green seats, and ivy laden walls left the attendees with a feeling of nostalgia for the parks of old.

“Are you up for some Boog’s Barbecue?” Leah asked as the scent of burning mesquite wood mixed with seasoned beef and pork wafted over them.

Ryan nodded enthusiastically. “Twist my arm.”

John “Boog” Powell was the first baseman for the Orioles from 1961 to 1974. Though he played for the Cleveland Indians and the Los Angeles Dodgers in subsequent years, he, along with his tangy barbecue sauce and slow smoked pork recipe, had returned to Maryland.

Leah and Ryan stood in line, a chilly breeze whipping along the walkway causing Ryan to shiver. “I should have brought a coat.”

Leah wrapped her arm around Ryan’s shoulders and squeezed. “It is nippy.”

A wash of warmth rolled down Ryan’s back and around to her chest, the chill of the air around her gone. “You’re better than a blanket.” Ryan turned to Leah. “How do you do that?”

Leah shrugged as she removed her arm. “Magic.”

Ryan chuckled. “Well, unless you’re planning on staying butt up against me the rest of the afternoon, I’m going to have to break down and buy an overpriced sweatshirt.”

“I’m not opposed to that whole butt thing, but it might make navigating challenging.” Leah teased. “So please let me get you the sweatshirt as a birthday present.”

Ryan had wanted to protest the indulgent gift, but her mind kept tripping over the flirtatious tone Leah had taken. “Ah, okay. Thank you, that’s great.”

“You really want to argue with me right now, don’t you?”

Ryan nodded. “I’m really trying to be gracious about the gifting.”

Leah nudged Ryan’s shoulder playfully. “Good.”

The two women got two pulled pork sandwiches the size of their heads and two Natty Boh beers. Ryan insisted on paying, and Leah begrudgingly accepted. They made a quick run through a MLB merchandise stall before walking to their seats.

“These are amazing seats!” Ryan gushed as she and Leah made their way down the concrete steps of the club level at Camden Yards.

“I’m glad you’re pleased. Marty and I buy season tickets every year and alternate which games we’re going to attend.” Leah side stepped past two older gentlemen, and sat down, leaving the seat to her right empty for Ryan.

Looking out over the pristine field, Ryan couldn’t help but smile. They were on the second level deck, running parallel to the first base line. “I’ve only managed to get Eutaw Street bleacher seats in center field.”

Leah sat her Natty Boh in the cup holder attached to the back of the seat in front of her, and balanced the pulled pork sandwich on her lap. “If you decide you want something more to eat or drink, just keep an eye out and a server will come along and take your order.”

“Bullshit.” Ryan craned her neck around so she could see behind her. “Really?”

Leah chuckled. “True story.”

Ryan settled into her seat, the black sweatshirt with the Oriole bird logo across the front of it keeping her warm. Looking out over the pristinely manicured field, Ryan felt a surge of excitement. Before she could think better of it, she grabbed Leah’s hand and squeezed it affectionately. “Thanks for inviting me. I’m really happy to be here – with you.”

A shot of color went to Leah’s cheeks, and the woman smiled. “I’m glad to be here with you. Thanks for spending your birthday with me.”

The Orioles were playing the New York Yankees. The two teams meeting always drove their fans to behave in combative and less than hospitable ways towards one another. When the Orioles went up by two runs off of a homerun by their first baseman Chris Davis, the taunting and smack talking started in earnest.

A Yankees fan three rows behind Leah and Ryan began yelling at an Orioles fan sitting two seats over from Leah. “Guess those meds are doing him some good!” The drunk man taunted, referencing Chris Davis’ suspension the previous season for taking a prescription drug for attention deficit disorder.

“Or Kelley’s arm is shit!” The Orioles fan shouted back.

Within seconds, a shouting match had broken out between six Oriole fans and five Yankee fans. Expletives and innuendo flew, and to Ryan’s shock and amusement, Leah joined in the ruckus.

“Scoreboard! Scoreboard!” The blonde yelled over her shoulder, the man next to her high-fiving her and taking up her mantra. Eventually, nearly everyone in the section was chanting scoreboard. That, along with another two runs being scored by the Orioles before the Yankees could get out of the inning, finally made the Yankee fans fall quiet.

“Do you want another beer?” Leah asked as she fished her credit card out of her back pocket.

“I’m good.” Between the two Orange Crushes and the twenty two ounce beer, Ryan was feeling a little buzzed. “Pretty impressive display there.” Ryan leaned into Leah, their shoulders touching.

Leah waved the server over to their row, and passed her order slip and credit card down. “Bitches gots to learn.” She said flatly.

Ryan nearly choked as she erupted in laughter. “You seem so calm. Are you a murderer?”

Leah’s eyes brightened. “I see I’m not the only one with an Orange is the New Black addiction.”

Ryan feigned embarrassment, averting her eyes. “I might have a Netflix binging problem.”

Ryan had liked Leah immediately, and she had half-expected to like her less the more she got to know her. Sometimes first impressions can cut both ways. Ryan was delighted to find Leah was even more fun, irreverent and witty than she could have hoped for.

***

“I’ve had a great time.” Leah smiled from the sidewalk as Ryan walked up the stoop. The sun had set, and the chill from the day had turned into outright cold.

“I can’t take all the credit. It’s always a great day when the Orioles beat the Yankees.” Their outing had been one of the best for Ryan, and she wasn’t ready to see it end. “Come in for a bit. We can have a drink.”

Leah glanced at her watch. “It’s nearly eight. I need to get home.”

Ryan walked back down the steps and took Leah’s hand. “You can rest when you’re dead.” She pulled an apprehensive Leah up the steps, and unlocked the front door.

Ryan frowned as they entered the house. It was unusual for Nicole to remember to turn any lights off, much less every light. The house sat in relative darkness.

“Surprise!” The lights in the kitchen, dining room and living room were flipped on, and the small downstairs of the house was crammed with a host of Ryan’s friends and acquaintances.

“Holy shit!” Ryan gasped, and nearly knocked Leah into the wall as she stepped back.

Nicole rushed toward her with a blue metallic party hat on her head. “Happy birthday, roomie!” She wrapped her arms around a still stunned Ryan.

Ryan looked over Nicole’s shoulder, trying to process what was happening. Multi-colored streamers and balloons were spread throughout the house. The dining room table was adorned with every possible dip, chip and chicken wing imaginable, along with liquor bottles and a large white cream icing sheet cake with the words Happy Birthday Ryan scrawled across it.

“When did you do all this?” Ryan leaned back and looked at Nicole.

“It wasn’t too hard once you got a job and got your lazy butt out of the house.” Nicole teased as she looked past Ryan toward Leah. “And thank you for your unwitting assistance in getting our friend here out and about for the day.”

Leah smiled as she nodded. “Always glad to help, even when I haven’t got a clue.”

“That’s the spirit.” Nicole playfully nudged Leah in the shoulder. “Come in.”

Nicole pulled Ryan further into the house as she was assailed by the many party goers wishing her a happy birthday. Glancing back, Ryan was relieved to see Leah had not only stayed, but Greg had found her, and the two were talking.

“Happy birthday.” Jenny was standing in front of Ryan, a red version of Nicole’s party hat sitting lopsided on her head. She leaned in and kissed Ryan, her lips lingering as she quickly ran the tip of her tongue along Ryan’s lower lip.

Jenny’s breath smelled of the scotch she was drinking. Jenny stepped back, and Ryan glanced toward the door, anxious Leah had seen them kissing. “Thanks for coming.”

Jenny’s eyes narrowed as she followed Ryan’s gaze toward the door. “Who’s that?”

Ryan stammered. “She’s - oh, Leah. The friend of my family I mentioned to you.”

Jenny’s brow arched as she took a drink of her scotch. “I’d love to meet her.”

Before Ryan could object, Jenny was weaving her way through the crowded house toward Leah and Greg.

“You must be Leah.” Jenny extended her hand, not waiting for Leah to acknowledge her. “I’m Jenny. Ryan’s girlfriend.”

The use of the word girlfriend gave Ryan pause, and triggered a feeling of dread in her stomach. Jenny had never referred to herself as Ryan’s girlfriend before, and her decision to do so now, with Leah, could only mean the evening was about to take an uncomfortable turn.

Unfazed, Leah took Jenny’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Nicole interceded, a cup of beer in her hand. “Leah, can I get you to stay? We’re going to play flip cup later, and I’ve got dibs on you for my team.”

Leah laughed. “That’s very nice, but I need to be getting home.”

“Is this late for you?” Jenny asked, and for the second time since entering the house, Ryan caught the scent of scotch on her breath. What she had thought would be uncomfortable may very well become unbearable if Jenny was drunk.

Shaking her head, Leah smiled. “Not at all. I have to be at work early in the morning.”

“What do you do?” Jenny had stepped between Ryan and Leah, her posture verging on aggressive.

Leah glanced over at Ryan, and then back at Jenny. “I own a small bookstore in Ellicott City.”

Jenny nodded as she took a drink of her scotch. Before she could continue, Greg interjected, looking at Leah and then at Jenny as the tension was apparent. “Leah, can I get you a drink?”

“I was actually going, but thanks.” Leah stepped toward the door.

“You have to stay.” Jenny looped her arm through Leah’s. “It will add some depth to this crowd.”

Leah’s brow furrowed. “Depth?”

Jenny nodded, and scanned the room. “Everyone here is under thirty, so having a forty-something evens things out.”

Ryan’s face flushed with anger as she took Jenny by the wrist. “She said she has to go, so stop making a scene.”

Jenny wrenched her arm away from Ryan. “I’m not making a scene. I’m having a conversation.”

Leah took a step back. “Ryan, I’ll see you later.”

Ryan looked past Jenny and nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for me. You should be apologizing for yourself.” Jenny’s voice was raised, and several party goers nearby took notice.

“Let’s go upstairs and discuss this.” Ryan didn’t want to make any more of a scene in front of her friends than had already been made.

Jenny wrapped her arm around Ryan’s waist. “I like upstairs. Wonderful idea.” The inebriated woman took a drink, and grinned at Leah as she continued to address Ryan. “You can take me to bed. I mean put me to bed.”

“Alrighty.” Nicole took Jenny’s cup from her. “If you could just start hiccuping and slurring your words, the cliché will be complete.”

“Leah, I want to ask you something.” Jenny looked at Ryan and then back at the blonde. “Actually, Ryan’s been wondering, but is far too polite to ask, so it falls to me.” Jenny cupped her hand to the side of her mouth, and lowered her voice. “So did you and Karen used to fuck?”

“What the hell!” Greg’s voice boomed above the noise of the crowd. “That’s enough.” Before anyone could respond, Greg spun Jenny around, and ushered her toward the back door. “You need to get yourself some fresh air.”

Ryan was standing in stunned silence as Leah’s face turned several different shades of red from obvious embarrassment. “I’m so sorry.”

Leah took a deep breath, the muscles in her jaw tensing as her eyes filled with tears. “Did you say that to her?”

Ryan shook her head. “No! Absolutely not.”

Leah wiped at an errant tear, before turning to Nicole. “Thank you for the invitation, but I need to go.”

Nicole, rarely speechless, could only manage a slight nod as Leah turned and left. “Short of gun fire, I can’t see how that could have gone any worse.” Nicole managed after Leah had shut the front door.

Ryan collapsed against the wall, her head pounding. “Jesus, what the hell was that?” She rubbed her face, and looked toward the back door. “I wanted to punch her.”

Nicole stepped in front of Ryan and put her hands on her shoulders. “That’s an idea. Instead of giving the blithering bitch anymore of your attention, why don’t you go after Leah and try to fix this shit.”

Ryan looked at the front door, and then at the back door before returning her attention to Nicole. “Right.”

Ryan pushed past Nicole, and out into the cool night air. The rush of cold against her overheated skin sent a surge of energy through her. Scanning the dimly lit street, Ryan spotted Leah nearly a block away, and began running toward her.

“Leah!” Ryan’s breath came in short bursts as she closed the distance between her and the blonde.

Leah turned around, her car keys in hand, the collar of her black Chesterfield coat pulled up around her face. “Ryan, you should go back. It’s cold.”

Stopping just short of running into the woman, Ryan took a steadying breath. “Don’t go.” She brushed a stray strand of hair from her forehead, and then blew warm air into her cupped hands.

“It’s getting late.” Leah’s voice was low as she spoke, and her cheeks and nose were flush from the cold night air.

Ryan had taken off after Leah so quickly she hadn’t stopped to think about what she actually wanted to say to the woman. Trying to buy herself time so her brain could catch up, Ryan absently ran her hand over the hood of the black Nissan Altima they were standing next to. “I meant to tell you earlier that I like your car.”

Leah nodded. “Thank you. Seriously, you should go back in.”

Ignoring the other woman’s persistence, Ryan continued. “I need to get a car. You know, with the commute to work. Would you recommend this one?”

Leah cocked her head to the side as her eyes narrowed. “You didn’t come out here to talk about my car, did you?”

It took several seconds before Ryan could work up the courage to look up at Leah. Her breath caught, and she felt her stomach tighten. The dim light from the street lamp was catching the highlights in Leah’s hair, and independent of any reason, Ryan closed the space between her and the woman.

Ryan’s voice was low and intimate when she spoke. “I’m sorry. She was out of line.”

Leah’s eyes widened with Ryan’s sudden proximity, and she leaned back, scanning the other woman’s face. “Did you say that - about Karen and me?” Her voice caught.

Ryan took Leah’s hand in hers. “Never.” The chill in the air vanished, and Ryan felt warmth spreading from her chest out to the entirety of her body as she slowly placed her hand on Leah’s cheek.

A stillness settled inside Ryan as she gently placed her lips on Leah’s. Something akin to a shock pulsed through her with the first tentative touch of her lips against Leah’s warm, full ones. Wrapping her arm around the small of the blonde’s back, Ryan pulled her closer.

At the first touch of Leah’s tongue to hers, and Ryan felt the sidewalk beneath her shift. She clung to the woman, as the scent of vanilla filled her senses and waves of heat pulsated through her. A quiet moan escaped Leah, and the blonde quickly stepped back.

Ryan tilted against the side of the car, her entire body vibrating. “Wait.” Before she could think of anything else to say, Leah was in her car, and reflexively Ryan righted herself so the woman could pull away from the curb.

As the car’s tail-lights faded in the distance, Ryan felt spent. Her legs buckled, and she found herself sitting on the curb. The cold concrete of the sidewalk seeped through her jeans, leaving her feeling numb. Ryan wrapped her arms around her chest. The cold air returned with a vengeance, forcing Ryan to her feet.

Looking down the street, there was no sign of Leah. “Shit.” Ryan muttered as she began walking back to her apartment.

A dull ache had settled in Ryan’s stomach by the time she reached her front door. It was a longing she was unfamiliar with, and it made her feel restless. She could hear laughter from the party through the door, but couldn’t bring herself to rejoin the festivities.

It would be so easy to explain away her relationship with Leah as a simple attraction. Ryan wished she could sum her feelings up in terms of lust. The truth was she had been undone by the woman, and immersed in the heaviness of desire, Ryan felt pieces of herself missing. They had left with Leah.

Chapter 9

Ryan completed her weekly project summary email to Donnie, clicked send, and leaned back in her chair. Over the past few weeks she had settled into her office, and had even found time to get her degrees framed and hung on the wall.

Last week she had ordered a framed print by her favorite artist Raoul Dufy. It had been delivered that morning, and was leaning against the wall of her office until Ryan decided where to hang it.

She had first seen Dufy’s work in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York when she was fifteen. Ryan had realized over the years, that though a fan of Impressionism, she had more of an affinity for Fauvist painters. Their bold colors and visible brush strokes had resonated with Ryan, and she smiled as she looked at The Harvest print. The pastoral setting with its bold oranges, blues, and yellows reminded her of autumn colors in upstate New York.

The smile left her as she wondered if Leah liked Dufy. Rolling her eyes, Ryan stood up and stretched. Leah had been a distraction for the better part of the day, and had impeded Ryan’s sleep the night before. Their exchange during and after Ryan’s birthday party had left Ryan more confused about her feelings than ever.

Shaking her head, Ryan walked down the hall toward the break room. She was resolved to eat her lunch while looking at new car reviews online, and to not give Leah another thought until she was prepared to do something about the situation.

Returning to her desk with her ham and cheese sandwich, Utz potato chips, and Sprite in hand, Ryan navigated to the Consumer Reports website, and began scrolling through the mid-size car reviews. After only five minutes her interest waned, so she wiped the potato chip grease off her hands, and reached into her bag to retrieve the diary. She had to admit she was curious how the Sebille women fared, and if they were able to keep their home.

***

20 March 1628

Our home was full this evening as three men from the court met to discuss the situation with the Sebille family. I had not imagined it warranted this level of attention, but clearly Isaac has failed – I suspect intentionally – to provide me with the entirety of the story.

I was familiar with two of the men. Goodman Payne and Goodman Middleton. The third man, who I have never seen before, had an intensity about him matched only by the piercing blue of his eyes. Isaac introduced the man to me as Samuel Tynan. His skin was as pale as snow, and his touch, as he took my hand in his, was cold as ice.

“Goody Allerton, your husband has spoken of you so often at court I feel as if we have already met.” The man’s voice seemed almost musical, and I am ashamed to admit it, but I blushed under the intensity of his gaze.

Isaac would tell me later that Goodman Tynan had recently arrived in town along with his wife, Hester, and her widowed sister Coleen Mabyn. Goodman Tynan had bought the Potter Estate, and had made his fortune by trading in ceramics, furs, and iron, along with cotton, woolen and silk fabrics prior to leaving Europe.

He has applied for citizenship in the colony, and Isaac said he would be a freeman within the year as his references and breeding are impeccable. I look forward to seeing for myself as just today we received an invitation to attend a gathering at the Tynan home for the town First Comers and their families.

I do hope my stomach does not impede my ability to attend, for I have been practically housebound this past month and venturing out into the town can only serve to lift my spirits!

***

26 March 1628

Oh, what a glorious evening! I would dare say my weeks in confinement had left me an easily impressed guest, but I cannot imagine anyone not so thoroughly enjoying themselves as I did tonight at the Tynan gathering.

I had known the Potter Estate was one of the larger houses in town, but I did not know that Goodman Tynan had the house completely reappointed. Though still modest, maple and mahogany wood runs throughout the home, and the furnishings are indicative of the family’s ties to the fur trade as nearly each chair and sofa were covered in pristine animal hides.

The food was no less magnificent! I was so pleased my stomach had settled, for I could never have forgiven myself if I had not so completely indulged in the fare offered tonight. We were given the finest duck I have ever tasted, along with a succulent swine. In spite of the season, our hosts managed to lay out a lavish spread that included an assortment of chestnuts, walnuts, and hazelnuts.

As if our belly cheer were not enough, we indulged in sweet puddings from boiled corn mixed with sugar and cinnamon, then fried in butter. It was glorious!

Our hosts were no less indulgent. Though the house was full of guests, they managed to make their way to each and every one of their guests, and I felt so utterly welcomed by them.

Goody Tynan is a remarkably handsome woman with skin like porcelain and eyes the same piercing blue as her husband’s. They make a most attractive couple. My attention, though, could hardly be pulled away from Goody Mabyn, and my cheeks redden as I remember the forward way she took my hand in her cool one, her blue eyes seemingly lit up as she smiled upon me.

It is not enough to say she is handsome, Coleen (she insisted on more than one occasion that I refer to her by her Christian name) is the most striking and beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her hair is a shiny spill of brown auburn waves, and looks to be as smooth as silk. Her skin, like her sister’s, is flawless and alabaster in its tone.

Coleen is remarkable, and as well traveled as any man. Her deceased husband had been business partners with Goodman Tynan, and both she and her sister Hester have been afforded many opportunities to endeavor with their husbands on countless excursions to parts of this world I can scarcely imagine.

Coleen spoke of her travels to Spain, France, and even into the northern parts of the African continent. I found myself breathless as she conveyed the beauty of the sun drenched savannahs of Africa, and the mountain peaks of France.

I was touched by her attention, and found her most endearing as she repeatedly inquired about my child. Her interest was genuine as she asked after my health, and the health of the baby. I assured her Goody Sebille was taking care with my pregnancy.

At the mentioning of Margery, I was certain a look of recognition crossed Coleen’s face, but when I asked whether she was familiar with the Sebille family she assured me that given her family’s recent arrival in town, she had barely received any visitors.

I do hope to be friends with Coleen. She is a most fascinating woman, and I am sure she – and her family – will be a welcome addition to our fine community.

***

Ryan walked up to the Boston Street Starbucks. She had just bought a new Honda Civic, and could have driven it to meet Jenny, but she had thought the half mile walk would do her good. Halfway there, and feeling on edge about the conversation that laid ahead, Ryan felt as if she were on a death march.

Given Jenny’s recent performance at her birthday party, Ryan had decided to call the whole thing off. This was causing her some distress, but not nearly as much as seeing what Jenny’s hurtful words had done to Leah.

“First, I am so sorry.” Jenny stood as Ryan approached the table she occupied near the far corner of the shop. In spite of the chill in the air outside, the Starbucks’ air conditioner was running, and the store was unusually cold, prompting Ryan to leave her pea coat on.

Ryan accepted Jenny’s hug, and then the two women sat. “What’s this?” Ryan looked down at the white and green cup in front of her.

“Earl Grey, one sugar.” Jenny smiled.

Ryan nodded but didn’t reach for the cup. “Look, I think we -”

Jenny held up her hand. “Ryan, please let me start. I have had a few days to think about this, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for how I behaved.”

Ryan could see from the intensity in the woman’s blue eyes that she meant what she was saying, or at least believed she did.

“I won’t insult you by reminding you I was drunk.” Jenny looked down at her coffee as she chewed nervously on the inside of her lower lip. “I will say that seeing you with Leah, and knowing you had spent the entire day with her - it - it just made me jealous. I realized how much you mean to me.”

Ryan listened as Jenny stammered through her explanation. She understood what Jenny was trying to say. She even understood what Jenny was feeling, but understanding didn’t remove the hurt and hesitancy from Ryan’s heart.

Clearing her throat, Ryan forced herself to make eye contact with Jenny. The brown haired woman sat across from her, her blue eyes bright with anticipation. Ryan had never been good at breakups. They had always left her feeling as if critical time had been wasted, and she would find herself focusing more on the lessons learned than the person left.

“I don’t want to see you anymore.” Ryan was surprised by the directness of her words and tone.

Jenny’s eyes widened. “Just like that?”

Ryan cringed at Jenny’s accusatory tone. “Yes.” Several more curt comments ran through Ryan’s head, but they would only delay the inevitable. She had always known Jenny had an edge to her. It was born of many things Ryan admired about the woman, but tempered with the woman’s sense of entitlement. Her behavior with Leah only brought Jenny’s less admirable qualities into focus for Ryan.

“You know me, Ryan. I won’t beg.” Jenny leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table.

Ryan nodded. “I know.”

Jenny leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Is it that easy for you?”

Ryan shook her head. “No. I just don’t see the point of making a scene.”

Jenny scoffed. “You were all too willing to make a scene on Leah’s behalf.”

Heat shot to Ryan’s face, and she took a deep breath before speaking. “We can just stop. There doesn’t have to be bloodshed.”

Jenny stared at Ryan, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. “You’ve already started up with her.”

Ryan frowned. She and Jenny had always kept things casual, and Jenny’s accusatory tone took Ryan by surprise. “No.”

“Please don’t lie to me.” Jenny said calmly. “We’ve always been good at keeping each other honest.”

Ryan sighed, her shoulders drooping. “I am telling you the truth. You behaved like a spoiled child the other night, and that comes from somewhere. It’s part of who you are.”

“We all have less than gracious aspects of ourselves. I can think of several things about you that aren’t very attractive.”

Ryan stood up, leaving the tea untouched. “I won’t do this with you. There were a lot of great things about you and me, and some not so great. Those are weighted heavier for me.”

“Then go.” Jenny waved her hand toward Ryan. “Have your fling. Do whatever you will with a woman literally old enough to be your mother.”

Ryan quickly sat back down. Jenny leaned back, Ryan’s sudden movement catching her off guard. “Why should any of that matter?” The indignation of her anger was coursing through Ryan. “You behaved like a spiteful bitch, and if you want to convince yourself that I’m ending it because of some love affair with Leah, then go for it.” Ryan struggled to speak past the tightness in her throat, and to keep her tone hushed to avoid public scrutiny.

“And I will tell you the same.” Jenny hissed. “If you want to convince yourself that you’re ending us because of some drunken slip of the tongue, then you go for it.” Jenny stood, and pulled her brown leather Tory Burch purse from the back of the chair along with her ivory J. Crew puffer style jacket.

Without another word, Jenny left, and Ryan sat hunched over in her chair.

***

“I can’t manage to comfort you over this one, friend.” Nicole handed Ryan a can of Natty Boh, and sat down next to the despondent woman on the sofa.

Ryan had walked back to her house, Jenny’s words still ringing in her ears and stinging at her heart. “I don’t need you to comfort me.” Ryan was feeling unreasonably irritated with the world, and she was having difficulty tempering herself.

Nicole took a drink of her beer, and shook her head. “Don’t get pissy with me. I never liked her, and I certainly won’t pretend to be unhappy over you breaking up with her.”

Ryan sat her beer down on the end table next to the sofa, and rubbed her face with both hands. “I know. I know.”

“Then if I’m right - what’s the problem?” A confused Nicole asked.

“The problem is Jenny wasn’t altogether wrong.” Ryan picked up her beer and took a long drink.

Nicole frowned. “About what?”

Ryan looked incredulously at her friend. “Really? Are you making me say it?”

Nicole’s brow arched. “Oh. Oh - I see.”

Ryan emptied the beer, and wondered if they had any of the liquor from the party left. “Exactly. And so did Jenny.”

Nicole shifted so she was facing Ryan. “So what if she got that right. I can think of twenty other reasons you should have - and would have - broken up with her.”

“But now it’s out there.” Ryan pointed to an imagined point in the distance. “Just hanging around.”

Nicole chuckled. “Not really. It’s not like Jenny is going to run off and tell Leah that you’re madly in love with her.”

“Whoa. I never said I was in love with her.” Ryan tensed. “I like her, and I think she’s attractive, but don’t go crazy with the love thing.”

“Fair enough.” Nicole pursed her lips. “So -”

Ryan rolled her eyes. “So?”

“Are you going to ask her out?” Nicole smirked.

Ryan waited for the answer to pop into her head. On the surface there didn’t seem to be a reason not to ask Leah out. Wasn’t the point of dating to see if you were compatible? Below the surface, though, there seemed to be innumerable reasons Leah and she wouldn’t work.

“Maybe.” Ryan slouched, feeling like a petulant child.

Nicole sighed. “Myers, why do you have to make things so difficult? This is as tested and true as anything out there. Girl meets girl. Girl likes girl. Girl asks girl out.”

Ryan stood, and took her empty beer can into the kitchen. “You left the part out about the one girl having a history with the other girl’s family.”

Nicole appeared in the entrance to the kitchen. “Doesn’t matter. Water under the bridge, and nothing to do with the here and now.”

Ryan leaned against the kitchen counter. “Easy for you to say.”

“Look, if this is the deal breaker, then just ask her about it.” Nicole insisted.

Ryan looked down at the brown linoleum floor. Her struggles with her family had long since rid her of any delusions of a happily ever after. She had learned most things in life - at least in her life - didn’t have clear starts and finishes.

“I kissed her.” Ryan muttered.

Nicole exhaled. “You’re on your own with that one.” The woman returned to the living room.

Ryan heard Nicole flipping through channels in the living room, but wasn’t ready to be social again. She didn’t think of herself as a fatalist, but she knew there were no cures for the inevitable uncertainties of life. With Leah though, Ryan had to face the fact she wanted and hoped.

Chapter 10

The county seat of Howard County, Ellicott City was about thirteen miles west of Baltimore. The town was divided into a downtown historic area and the larger unincorporated section. Ryan drove her Honda along Main Street, and past a variety of assorted shops, antique centers, and restaurants that lined the historic district’s main road.

The town had been founded in the late seventeen hundreds as a mill town adjacent to the Patapsco River. During the eighteen thirties, the expansion of the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad through Ellicott City provided the region with its first railway stop outside of the city of Baltimore.

Now the city was known for its picturesque hills and wooded scenery, and as the home of the now closed Enchanted Forest theme park. The fairy tale themed amusement park had gained notoriety as a set piece in director John Waters’ film Cry-Baby.

Ryan had waited until nine in the morning before leaving her apartment. She was nervous about seeing Leah for the first time since the party, and had taken her time getting dressed and out the door. It was the last week of April, and the weather continued to be unseasonably cold for the area. A fine mist fell as Ryan crossed a set of railroad tracks, and continued along Main Street.

It was early enough that Ryan was able to find street parking less than a block from Leah’s store. The buildings that lined the two lane street were no more than three stories tall, with slat board siding indicative of most of the structures’ ages.

A wooden sign hung from a black iron rod jutting out from the side of Leah’s shop. The words Portable Magic A Book Shop were raised in red lettering against the dark maple wood of the sign. Ryan smiled at the pun as she ascended the wooden steps to the shop’s front door.

A small brass bell hung on the backside of the wood and glass door leading into the book shop, and emitted a light, metallic jingle when Ryan opened the door. Crossing the threshold of the shop, the smell of old paper and leather wafted over Ryan. She couldn’t remember the last time she was in an actual bookstore, as opposed to one of the textbook stores on campus. The shop clearly specialized in rare and old books, as was evident by the bookcases full of thick, leather and canvas bound books.

The musty smell was comforting as Ryan let the door close behind her. The space was narrow, but deep, and Ryan could see several bookcases near the back of the store covered in thick plastic tarps. She assumed this had to do with the renovations Leah had alluded to.

“Oh, good morning, Ryan. What brings you out this way?” Ryan jumped as Marty walked around one of the bookcases. He was balancing a tall stack of books in his arms, while securing them under his chin.

“Lord! Sorry, you startled me.” Ryan instinctively covered her chest with her hand, her heart momentarily speeding up.

“Sorry about that.” Marty slid the stack of books he was carrying on the counter next to the cash register. “We don’t usually get people in this early on Saturdays, so my apologies for not being up front when you came in.”

Ryan shook her head. “It’s fine. Is Leah here?”

Marty paused, and pulled a worn leather bound book from the top of the pile. “She’s - she’s on a call with buyers.” Ryan had been lied to many times in her life, but Marty was perhaps the worst of all at concealing it. His face flushed and his eyes darted back and forth when he spoke.

Ryan smiled. “I’m happy to wait.”

Marty shook his head. “I’m sorry. What I meant was she’s on a call with buyers at her house, and won’t be in for several hours.” The sound of a door closing at the back of the store drew Ryan’s attention, and moments later Leah came into view.

“Ryan. What are you doing here?” Leah stopped in her tracks, and instead of stepping forward into the opening near the register, remained at the end of the bookcase.

Ryan’s eyes moved to Marty, who was now so red she feared he might pass out. “Ah, I was hoping we could talk. I know you’re busy with calls, but I won’t take long.”

Leah looked at her business partner, her eyes narrowing. “Calls?” Marty shrugged, and without a word scampered toward the back of the shop.

The tension and awkwardness were palpable, and Ryan was beginning to regret her decision to do this in person. “Look, you’re clearly uncomfortable so I can just -”

Leah shook her head, finally stepping forward to stand next to the counter. “It’s okay. What do you need?”

You. Ryan nearly laughed as the single, simple word skittered across her mind. “I want to apologize for Jenny. She was a horse’s ass.”

Leah walked behind the counter, and began nervously organizing the stack of books the clerk had brought up. “She was drunk. It’s happened to the best of us.”

Ryan shook her head, and stepped toward the counter. “That’s not an excuse. Besides, I suspect she would have behaved badly regardless of her penchant for binge drinking.”

Leah started to say something, and then stopped. The two women looked at each other over the stack of books. Ryan felt a cascade of heat roll over her body, as if she had just been submerged in a warm bath.

“And I’m sorry about the other thing, too.” Ryan looked down, suddenly feeling very uncertain. Part of her wanted Leah to say the kiss had mattered, and that it was okay. The other part of Ryan wanted it to mean nothing so she wouldn’t have to manage the torrent of emotions the blonde incited in her.

Leah managed a weak smile as she stopped fidgeting with the books. “That’s happened to the best of us, too.”

Ryan’s eyes shot up. She was relieved Leah wasn’t offended by her forwardness, but also put off with the implication that she had kissed Leah because she was drunk. “But I wasn’t -”

Holding up her hand, Leah interrupted Ryan. “It doesn’t matter, let’s just forget about it.”

Ryan’s heart was pounding in her chest, and she knew she didn’t want to forget about it. “No, I wasn’t drunk, and I’m not sorry I kissed you.” Ryan stammered. “I’m sorry it wasn’t anything more.”

It was Leah’s turn to blush, her eyes turning downward. “Oh.”

That wasn’t the response Ryan had hoped for, and the look of uncertainty and dread on Leah’s face was not the come hither look Ryan preferred from the women she was attracted to. “Can we maybe -”

Ryan stopped as Leah stepped around the counter. “I don’t think we should -”

Stepping forward, Ryan had to force herself not to take the beautiful blonde’s hand. “We could try, and see -”

“I’m old enough to be your mother.”

Ryan felt as if she had been punched in the stomach, and took a step back.

Leah stepped forward and reached for Ryan’s hand. “God, I didn’t mean - I’m sorry, that was in really poor taste.”

Ryan was surprised to feel tears pushing at the back of her eyes, and took a deep breath in an effort to clear her head. “I should go.” She pulled her hand free of Leah’s and reached for the door.

A look of pure anguish crossed Leah’s face. “Ryan - I’m -”

The need to maintain some dignity and self-respect sparked Ryan to look Leah squarely in the eyes as she spoke. “I’m not looking for another mother, and that’s certainly not what I want from you.”

Ryan pulled the door open with such force the jingle of the bell was a sharp and garbled jangle as she descended the steps and began walking quickly toward her car.

“Ryan!” Leah’s voice was preceded by the slamming of the shop’s door as the woman jogged after Ryan.

“Forget it!” Ryan reached in her pant pocket and pulled her car keys out. A firm hand grabbed her by the right shoulder and spun her around.

“Wait. Please.” Leah stood in front of her. The light morning mist clung to her hair, as her breath created puffs of clouds in the space between them. “That was a terrible thing to say, and I know you aren’t looking to be taken care of or -” The blonde swallowed, her words coming in short bursts. “Mothered.”

The sting of Leah’s words clung to Ryan, and she had to force herself to hear the woman standing in front of her. It had been a long time since she had felt vulnerable with another person, and she wasn’t sure if the pain she felt was proportional or right.

“Thank you for apologizing.” Ryan had always believed when all else fails, politeness couldn’t hurt. “I’m going to go.”

Leah grabbed Ryan’s forearm. The touch felt akin to the sun on Ryan’s arm during a warm summer afternoon, and she struggled not to step closer to the blonde. “Can we have dinner?”

Ryan felt lightheaded, and the slight incline of the street left her feeling unstable. Leaning on the car, she managed to nod. “Okay.”

The warmth of Leah’s body seemed to be seeping into Ryan, and she willed her arms not to wrap around the beautiful woman. What’s wrong with me?

“And maybe we can avoid chasing each other down the street next time?” Leah teased.

Ryan chuckled, the swirling in her head still leaving her off balance. “It’s my cardio.”

A broad smile spread across Leah’s lips as she noticed Ryan’s car for the first time. “Hey, is this yours?”

Ryan, still feeling unsteady on her feet, continued to lean on the car. “Yep.”

Leah nodded her approval. “It’s nice.” She stepped toward Ryan. “I’ll call you tonight with details.” She leaned in, and placed a quick kiss on Ryan’s cheek before turning and walking back to the bookstore.

The brief touch triggered more vertigo, and Ryan barely managed to get the car door open before she collapsed into the driver’s seat. She had never swooned before, and certainly not with a single peck on the cheek. She chalked it up to no breakfast, followed by an intense exchange with a woman she was beginning to have significant feelings for.

***

“Marty!” Leah shouted the man’s name as she walked back into the bookstore.

The stout man emerged from the back of the store, a white ceramic mug in hand that read Fluent in Movie Quotes and Sarcasm. “You rang.”

Leah put her hands on her hips, and glared at the man. “Calls? Really?”

The man shrugged. “It seemed plausible at the time.”

“Why not just tell me she’s here?” Leah charged.

Putting the coffee mug down on the counter, Marty winced. “I don’t think getting involved with another Myers is advisable, do you?”

Shaking her head, Leah placed her elbows on the counter. “Ryan isn’t Karen.”

“True, but Karen didn’t start out being Karen either.”

Leah’s brow furrowed. “Explain.”

Marty took a sip of his coffee. “The way you tell it, when you two met it was all sunshine, lollipops and snow cones.”

“Don’t forget unicorns.” Leah jabbed.

Marty grinned. “And happy little elves on the unicorns. But then, she was - in the end - a Myers, and everything that goes along with that.”

Leah straightened up, and taking a deep breath looked at the ceiling. “I like Ryan, and I want to be friends.”

“I know you look thirty, but she’s nearly twenty years your junior. What could you possibly have in common?” Marty put the coffee mug back down.

Leah tisked. “Low blow, Marty.” The woman looked at the coffee mug, ran her index finger along its warm ceramic side, and then smirked as she walked toward the back of the store. “Besides, that’s the point of being friends, to figure out what you have in common.”

Marty shook his head, and picked up the mug of coffee. When he tilted it back for a drink, a dark block of ice pressed to his upper lip. Marty turned the mug over, and the frozen coffee fell with a thud onto the counter.

The man rolled his eyes, and shouted to the back of the store. “You owe me a coffee tomorrow! Something expensive that takes as long to order as it does to make.”

***

20 April 1628

What a wretched time I have had! It has been nearly a month since I last wrote in this diary as illness has been upon me in one form or another since shortly after the gathering at the Tynan house. I do not know that I have the strength to endure.

My stomach is in a constant state, and I have awoken each morning with the worst sickness. Margery and Abigail both have taken to visiting me daily, as has Coleen, and on occasion her sister Hester accompanies her. I am blessed to be surrounded by such caring and concerned friends and neighbors.

Margery was over just yesterday as Coleen and I sat in the front room visiting. It was the most peculiar thing as once again I am convinced the two women know each other. The expressions of recognition that I witnessed between the two was unmistakable, but I must confess I was too weak to implore with either of them.

It saddens me, but I do not believe Margery or Coleen are destined to get on. Once the initial introductions were over, Margery immediately left for the kitchen to prepare my daily herbal tea. Coleen had watched her closely – I dare say suspiciously, and it was only after I spoke to her twice that she turned her attention back to our visit.

I do not know what history – if any – there is between these two women, nor can I imagine, given Coleen’s travels, how they would have met, but I do wish they had struck a truce for my sake. I do enjoy them both so very much.

Even now as I write, my concentration wanes as waves of sick cramping shoot through my stomach and lower regions. Isaac has done what he can, but his obligations to the court and the town are great. He continues to manage the situation with the Sebille family, though I am at a loss why it should take so long for the court to decide how to manage the issue of the family’s contract.

I did manage to ask Isaac, and he told me it was too complicated to explain, but that once our baby was born I should have nothing to do with Margery or her family. I could not imagine, and I told him Margery was more than a midwife to me – she is a friend.

Isaac was very cross with me, and I could see he was restraining himself for my sake and the sake of our child. He made it clear though – in no uncertain terms – the Sebilles were not to be fraternized with once my pregnancy was over.

I commit to these pages what is in my heart, and confess that I lied to my husband when I told him I would honor his wishes. I do not know how as of yet, but Margery and I will remain friends no matter what!

***

26 April 1628

I can barely manage to put into words the events of this day. It is as if I have left this world and ventured to some dark place I dare not speak of, and cannot escape.

Isaac returned home from court the other day with dire news. The Sebilles were not only being driven from their home, but they were to be excommunicated from the town. My husband was in a state I have never witnessed before. His eyes were wide with fright and his face flush with heat. He had returned not so much to tell me the news, but to retrieve his family’s pistol before returning to the town center.

“I have not the time to explain what are complicated and urgent matters, Remembrance. Just know, the Sebilles – and I am sorry, but Margery too – are to be removed from town immediately.” He spoke rapidly as he stored the pistol in his leather bag.

“And you need a gun to do this?! You are not one of the constables, Isaac. Let them move the family.” I had pleaded with him for, as much as I care for Margery, the idea of Isaac putting himself in harm’s way set off in me a wave of panic.

Seeing my concern, Isaac took my hand, pressing it firmly to his lips. “I am merely there as an observer.” He had glanced down at the bag which hung from his shoulder. “This is simply a precaution.”

“Why do they have to leave the town? Is it not enough they should be forced from the only home they have ever known?” I was thinking of Margery and Abigail, but also Goody Sebille who – in spite of a prolonged illness – was still alive, and I could not imagine in any condition to move.

“Just know they must be removed. Is it not enough that I have said so?” Isaac had reached the front door, his hand hesitating over the latch as he saw the tears his words had triggered begin gathering in my eyes.

My husband is a kind man, and is not immune or deaf to my feelings. That second he put his bag down, and pulled me into his arms. I felt a relief come over me, and I held him near.

“Wife, there are things in this world you are not meant to know – not yet anyway.” He had leaned back from me, and I could see the worry and love in his eyes. Though I thought to argue, my heart was no longer in the fight, and I let him go.

Nearly four hours passed. The sun had already set, and the house was cast in shadow when I heard footsteps on the front porch. The sound of multiple men gathering near my front door sent a shock of fear down my back, and I grabbed the iron fire poker though I did not know what I should do with it.

The door opened, and to my great relief it was Isaac in the company of Goodman Payne and Goodman Tynan. “Wife, why are you standing in the dark with an iron poker in your hands?” Isaac’s eyes had narrowed as he looked upon me.

“I was frightened, and did not know for certain it was you.” I quickly placed the poker back in its holder and greeted our guests. “May I offer you a spot of ale?”

Goodman Tynan stepped forward. “We did not mean to frighten you, but it has been a trying day.”

Goodman Payne had huffed, and sat his bulky frame down in the chair nearest the fire. “You, my friend, are the master of understatement.” He looked up at me, his narrow brown eyes glimmering in the fire light. “I will take that ale, Goody Allerton.”

I was surprised when Isaac followed me into the kitchen. “We will not be staying long. The court is being gathered.”

I turned to face my husband, surprised a matter as simple as evicting a family from their home would warrant gathering the town’s elders at night. “Can it not wait until the morning? What could be so urgent as to draw you back out into the night?”

Isaac’s eyes darted back and forth, and I could see he was deeply troubled. I took his hands in mine, and squeezed gently. “Husband, what sits so heavy on your heart?”

A faint smile found his lips but for a second, and then his eyes went to the floor. “The Sebilles are witches.”

I recoiled from the very word as I took a step away from Isaac. “That is not possible. Margery, Abigail – they are god fearing –”

“They are witches, Remembrance. And the town has known since the crossing, but has looked the other way until now.”

I was so taken aback by this revelation that my speech left me, and I could only cover my muted lips with a trembling hand.

“The family ensured a safe passage across what could have been – and most certainly would have been – horrific and cruel seas. In exchange, they were contracted a salary and house by the town.” Isaac took a tentative step toward me, his eyes brimming with concern. “You know I speak the truth. Look into your heart.”

I was looking. Every second of every day I had spent with Margery running through my mind, and I could find nothing wrong or evil in the woman. “You knew?”

Isaac shook his head, his brow furrowed as he was clearly remembering. “My father had alluded to it, but I thought it was rumors.” My husband shuddered, and I instinctively stepped to him, needing to comfort him. “I was not certain until I assumed my current duties, and had access to our town’s records.”

“You knew and yet you continued to allow Margery to tend to me and our child?!” I spoke more harshly to Isaac than I had at any other point in our marriage, and I could see from the pained expression on his face, he was surprised.

“I was not sure, wife.” Isaac pleaded. “What would you have me do? You had been so ill, and there is not a doctor to aid us.” Once again my husband could not meet my eyes. “I did not know what to do, but trusted that had anything seemed amiss, you would take the steps required of you.”

My head felt as if it were spinning, and I clutched the back of the small wooden chair near our kitchen hearth. “You left me to guess that my midwife was a tool of the devil?”

Isaac helped me into the chair, and kneeling in front of me spoke calmly. “No. Do you think it an accident that I happened home all those times? Do you think it an accident that Goody Mabyn has been frequently visiting?” The man shook his head quickly back and forth. “No, wife. We have all been watching for signs of treachery.”

Tears had begun to stream from my eyes, and I wiped at them with the back of my hand. I still found doubt in what my husband told me, and that alone stirred in me a great sadness for I had never questioned my husband’s judgment before, knowing he always had our best interests at heart.

“I want to speak with Margery.” The words had left my mouth before I could think better of them, and I could see from the shocked expression on Isaac’s face he was uncertain what to respond. “I want to hear this from her.”

My husband stood, and I could see from the set of his jaw that I had strayed over a line that perhaps I could not return from. “I will not have my wife and child exposed any further to that family’s vileness.”

I was caught up by Isaac’s own tone, and standing, found a strength I had not imagined. “Until recently, that had not been an inordinate concern of yours. I do not see the harm in permitting me to speak with a woman who –”

“Silence!” Isaac had practically hissed at me, and the courage I had found moments ago left me as swiftly as it had come. “I will not have my wife conversing with a known witch!” Without another word, Isaac turned and left the kitchen.

My knees failed me, and I sat hard on the chair. I could hear muffled voices coming from the front room, and then the front door opening. Moments later the house fell silent. It was a silence unlike any I had experienced. The certainty of my life had left me. I had been unknowing and ignorant in my dealings with Margery, and hated that I still struggled to reconcile what Isaac had told be with the woman I knew.

***

Ryan closed the diary and put it back on her nightstand. Glancing at her alarm clock, she jumped out of bed, grabbed her bathrobe from the back of her bedroom door, and headed toward the bathroom. The last set of entries in the diary had engrossed her to the point she was now running late for her outing with Leah.

Turning the shower on, Ryan got undressed and took one of the quickest showers ever. It reminded her of her sophomore year in undergrad and rushing to make the dreaded eight o’clock in the morning Shakespeare class.

As she lathered the shampoo through her short brown hair, she couldn’t help but think her ancestors – though clearly products of their time – were a cluster of superstitious idiots. To add insult to this, Ryan was disheartened that their ignorance was clearly costing Remembrance a relationship she held very dear.

Stepping out of the shower, Ryan toweled off, and began brushing her teeth. In between counting brush strokes, an OCD habit she had indulged in since she was seven, Ryan wondered what was going on between Coleen and Margery. Coleen was clearly hot, so maybe the tension Remembrance was sensing was of a sexual nature?

Ryan sighed as she cinched the tie of her robe shut, reminding herself these had been actual people and not a melodrama.

Chapter 11

“Are you sure you don’t want to drive?” Leah grinned at Ryan as the two women stood in front of Leah’s bookshop.

“The restaurant is only a few blocks up on Main, right?” Ryan glanced up the Ellicott City street. The sun had just set behind the hills that surrounded the small town, and its main thoroughfare was teeming with cars and pedestrian traffic.

“Yeah, but I remember my first new car. I wanted to drive it everywhere.” Leah nodded toward the new navy blue Honda Civic parked next to the curb.

Ryan grinned. “I won’t lie, it’s great having my own car - even though parking in the city is a bitch.”

Leah peered into the passenger side window. “It’s nice.”

Ryan put the keyless remote in her pocket. “Thank you, but I think I can part with it long enough to walk over to dinner.” She had the Civic for over a week, having decided to finance the car instead of using any more of her inheritance. She still had only told Nicole about the windfall, and wanted to keep things as normal as possible. Most people didn’t pay cash for their first new vehicle.

Leah and Ryan wound their way up Main Street with minimal conversation as the street noise made it difficult to hear one another. Ryan was thrilled to have the evening with Leah, and had been pleasantly surprised with how quickly the blonde had reached out to her for dinner after their uncomfortable exchanges on and after Ryan’s birthday.

Vibrant Wine Bar and Restaurant was in a renovated commercial building that had previously housed a local print shop. The unfinished concrete floors, exposed red brick walls, and wrought iron bar shelving and sheet metal bar top gave the space an industrial feel.

Ryan and Leah were seated near the rear of the restaurant, next to a large plate glass window that overlooked the Patapsco River. Though the tables were relatively close together, the space’s low lighting made it seem intimate. Ryan continued to feel fortunate, if not a little nervous, to have the evening with Leah.

“Do you have a favorite red wine?” Leah asked as she scanned the wine menu.

“I haven’t really got onboard with that whole wine thing yet.” Ryan took a sip of her water. “I guess I haven’t acquired the taste.”

Without looking up, Leah nodded. “It can take awhile.”

Ryan wished the tightness she felt in the pit of her stomach would go away. Her exchange with Leah outside the book shop after Ryan’s birthday had ultimately ended well, but had left Ryan uncertain if this was a date or another friendly outing. Ryan told herself it shouldn’t matter either way. Time with Leah was time well spent.

“We can try the Casillero del Diablo Cabernet Sauvignon. It’s fruity with only a little bit of astringency.” Leah laid the wine menu down on the table. “I think you’ll like it, and if you don’t we can order a couple beers.”

Ryan smiled. “I’ll do my best.”

The two women picked up their food menus. Ryan was grateful for the distraction as she felt the conversation was halting, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it. She decided to stick with what was safe and relevant. “I was thinking about getting the lamb cutlet. What about you?”

Leah continued to concentrate on her menu. “Not a fan of lamb. I’ve had the pork tenderloin here, and it’s wonderful.”

Ryan nodded. With anyone else, she might not think much of the absence of small talk, but she and Leah had always been masters of banter. The lack of it now made the air around them seem thick.

“Have you ladies decided?” Their waiter was a man in his late forties. His black hair was meticulously parted and combed to the side. His white dress shirt, black vest, and black trousers were starched so severely Ryan imagined the entire ensemble could stand on its own in the corner.

“Can we please get a bottle of the Casillero del Diablo Cabernet Sauvignon? Then I’ll start with a Caesar salad, and then the pork tenderloin.” Leah handed the man her menu.

“And for you, miss?” The waiter looked at Ryan.

“I’ll have a Caesar as well, and then the lamb. Medium-rare, please.” Ryan gave the man her menu, and turned her attention back to Leah. “How’s business?”

Leah smiled. “It’s going well. We’ve just began a partnership with three new auction houses; so the additional outlets will increase business.”

Ryan nodded. “I imagine you lose a chunk of your revenue to auction house fees?”

“It can range between five and fifteen percent depending on the type of house.” Leah unfolded the black cloth napkin that lay on the table to her right, and placed it in her lap.

Ryan chewed nervously on the inside of her lower lip. “Are you okay?”

Leah looked surprised by Ryan’s question, but before she could answer, the waiter had returned with their bottle of wine. The next two minutes seemed like an eternity to Ryan as the waiter and Leah discussed the wine before the man poured a small amount in Leah’s glass for her to taste.

Leah took a sip and smiled warmly at the waiter. “It’s wonderful.” The waiter poured Leah and Ryan a half glass of wine each and excused himself.

“I’m fine.” Leah said just before she took a long drink of her wine. “To answer your question from earlier.”

“Are you sure?” Ryan was usually an advocate for taking people at their words. She had never thought much of prying information out of someone, particularly when feelings were involved. As with most things that involved Leah, though, Ryan’s usual playbook seemed moot.

Leah’s brow arched as she sat her glass of wine down on the table. “Why do you ask?”

Seeing an in, Ryan cleared her throat. “We’re usually better conversationalists than this; so I’m checking.”

Leah leaned back in her chair and rested her hands in her lap as she closely studied Ryan. “I’m still feeling awful about the comment I made to you the other day. I don’t want to pull you back into it, and force you – the offended – to console me, or convince me that everything is okay.”

Ryan was relieved at Leah’s candor, and felt something akin to their usual comfort with each other beginning to work its way back into the conversation. “I was hurt in the moment, but I wouldn’t be here with you now if I was still upset with you.”

Leah frowned. “I’m having trouble forgiving myself.”

Ryan took her first drink of the wine, and Leah’s description of it had been spot on. The fruity notes coated her mouth, and a slight astringency puckered on her tongue as she swallowed the liquid. Looking at the glass, Ryan nodded. “Not to seem insensitive to your mental self-flagellation, but this is really good wine.”

Laughter erupted from Leah, and she quickly covered her mouth with her hand as diners at an adjacent table looked annoyed at her. “Sorry.” The amused woman whispered to the fellow diners.

Ryan was thrilled the mood seemed to be lightening. “Are we cool?”

Leah looked at Ryan, her eyes sparkling as they moved from Ryan’s eyes to her lips. “We’re cool.”

Ryan wiped at her brow. “Thank god, because I’ve got nothing to follow up with once I take the word flagellation out for a spin.”

The waiter appeared with their two salads. After crunching on a crouton, Leah smiled at Ryan. “Are you still wowing the public servants of Howard County?”

“I don’t know about the wowing part, but I may be annoying the hell out of them.”

“I seriously doubt that.” Leah looked suspiciously at Ryan.

Shrugging, Ryan took a drink of her wine. “I’m looking at everything for the first time, and have the benefit of a fresh perspective.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Leah asked.

“No, but it means I’m making and recommending changes to systems that have been in place for years.” Ryan discreetly picked with her tongue at a bit of romaine lettuce stuck in her teeth. “In some cases the processes I’m changing were implemented by my senior co-workers.”

Leah nodded. “Back to the office politics?”

Ryan, confident she had extracted the lettuce, smiled. “Exactly.”

Leah grinned, and pointed to her own teeth. “Between your two front teeth. Lettuce.”

“Damnit. I thought I got it.” Ryan shielded her mouth with her napkin and using her pinky nail, extracted the lettuce. “Gone?” She smiled at Leah, who carefully inspected Ryan’s teeth.

“You’re clear.” Leah nodded, and the two women continued to eat their salads in what was now a comfortable silence.

The waiter returned to remove their empty salad plates, and refill their wine glasses. “Your entrees should be out momentarily, ladies.”

It dawned on Ryan that this was as good a time as any to learn more about Leah. Short of her limited knowledge of the woman’s history with the Myers, and her affinity for rare books, Ryan knew very little about the woman sitting across from her.

“So, do you have any brothers or sisters?” Ryan’s stomach and thighs were feeling warm, and she realized that unlike beer, the wine was spreading warmth throughout her entire body, not just her neck and head.

“My brother died many years ago; otherwise, no other siblings.” Leah’s tone was casual, and Ryan wondered if she and her brother hadn’t been close.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Was he older?” Ryan didn’t want to open up an old wound, but her curiosity got the better of her.

Leah nodded. “He was, but just three years. He died in a car accident.”

Ryan felt a twinge of sorrow for Leah. “Were you close?”

Leah shrugged. “Not particularly.”

Given Leah’s relatively short responses, Ryan was sensing she needed a subject change. “Do your parents live near Baltimore?”

Leah had been looking down at her lap when Ryan’s question caused her eyes to shoot up. “They’re both dead as well.”

The frankness in Leah’s voice did not match the sadness Ryan saw in her eyes. Reaching across the table, Ryan turned her palm up, encouraging Leah to place her hand in Ryan’s. Leah hesitated before sliding her warm, smooth hand into Ryan’s.

The waiter returned, and to make room for their plates, Leah and Ryan reluctantly released each other’s hands.

“Ladies, if you need anything else, please let me know.” The man smiled and left the table.

“This looks great.” Leah commented as she began cutting into the tenderloin.

“Mine, too.” Ryan cut the lamb cutlet, smiling when she saw it was cooked perfectly.

“What about your father, Ryan?” Leah asked as she lightly peppered the risotto that came with her pork.

Ryan finished chewing one of the most tender cuts of lamb she had ever had, and took a long drink of her wine before answering Leah. “He and my mother divorced when I was three, and the families didn’t get along; so I never really knew him.”

Leah frowned. “Where does he live?”

“Somewhere in New York, but he was never very interested in me.” Ryan felt her throat tighten as she listened to the words, realizing how terrible they must sound. “And my mother and grandmother made certain my interest in him was kept to a minimum.” Ryan cut another bite of lamb off the cutlet. “I don’t even know if I have half-siblings or what he does for a living.”

“What’s his name?” Leah asked, her brow furrowed as she considered Ryan.

“Nathan.”

Leah nodded. “Have you ever wanted to get in touch with him – you know, as an adult?”

“Not really.” Ryan paused as she weighed whether she wanted to continue this line of conversation. Ultimately, she knew she had started the family talk, and who was she to deny Leah her questions? “I do know that my mother was pregnant with me before they were married. I guess it was more a marriage of convenience than anything else.”

“I think that happens more than people care to admit.” Leah picked the nearly empty bottle of wine up, and poured the last of it into Ryan’s glass. “Should we get another bottle?”

Shaking her head, Ryan blushed. “I’m already feeling hot, and I still have to drive back to the city.”

“Maybe I should take this one then?” She reached for Ryan’s glass, and paused, waiting for the younger woman’s consent.

“Please. Have at it. I’m clearly not used to the effects of wine.”

“There’s no shame.” Leah grinned as she took a drink from Ryan’s glass. “We’ll work on that tolerance of yours.” She winked, and Ryan felt a skitter of heat shoot through her body that had nothing to do with the wine.

Ryan had thought she might steer the conversation toward Karen and Leah’s relationship. It seemed natural given the topic of conversation, but Ryan’s courage had faltered. The moment had slipped away, and Ryan was oddly relieved. She selfishly wanted to cling to the fallacy that Leah was entirely hers.

***

Leah held the bookshop’s front door open for Ryan, and then walked in after her, the tinkling sound of the bell spilling out into the night.

“How long have you owned the shop?” Ryan scanned the bookshelves. She had been in and out of the space so quickly before, she hadn’t taken the time to look closely at the inventory.

“Marty and I bought it from the previous owners about ten years ago.” Leah shut the door and flipped the deadbolt.

“So this is the retirement plan?” Ryan grinned, remembering her and Leah’s first conversation. She let her eyes wander over the rows of books. In some cases, the leather on the spines was so worn she couldn’t make out the titles.

“Part of it anyway. The shop is less than a quarter of our business. Most of the work happens online with the auction houses and private collectors.” Leah started toward the rear of the store. “Come on back to the office. I can make us some tea.”

Though the shop verged on cluttered, Ryan felt cozy in the space. She followed Leah through the stacks of books to a narrow wooden door that had been painted dove gray to match the adjacent walls.

“Are the renovations done?” Ryan asked, not seeing the plastic tarp anymore.

Leah cocked her head to the side, and then, realizing what Ryan was referencing, nodded. “Oh, that’s right, you saw that mess last time you were here.” She unlocked the office door. “It’s all done. We just needed to have the subfloor repaired, and then new hardwood laid over it.”

Ryan looked at the floor, but whatever work had been done was now covered by the bookcases. “It’s –”

“Completely unnoticeable, and still as expensive as hell.” Leah chuckled as she opened the office door.

“Exactly.” Ryan laughed.

The office had a single window, and a door to the right of the main entrance that Ryan assumed was either a closet or a small washroom. The space was furnished with a tattered leather sofa, a narrow wooden end table, a roll top desk with a closed laptop on top of it, and a series of shelves lined with books and papers.

“Earl Grey, right?” Leah was standing in front of a small oak table that had a Keurig coffee maker and several ceramic mugs on it.

“Yes, please.” Ryan stood in the doorway of the office suddenly feeling nervous about being alone with Leah.

“Go ahead and sit down. This will only take a few minutes.” Leah nodded toward the sofa.

Raising an eyebrow, Ryan considered her options as she crossed the small space. She was incredibly attracted to Leah, and the idea of spending any time alone with her, much less in the intimacy of a private office with a sofa, was very appealing. At the same time, Ryan had never felt more tentative about her feelings.

The reality was, in spite of her efforts at the restaurant, she knew very little about the beautiful woman who was now brewing her a cup of tea. They had connected almost immediately, but there was always the undercurrent of Leah’s history with Ryan’s family running between them. Something neither woman seemed willing to address.

Initially Ryan had thought she was the only one avoiding the topic. She had justified the willful ignorance by convincing herself it was none of her business who Leah knew over twenty five years ago. Now, given their recent conversations, and Leah’s visceral reaction to Jenny’s prodding about Ryan’s mother, Ryan felt certain Leah was avoiding the topic as much as she was.

Ryan stood in front of the sofa, the office smelling of Leah’s trademark vanilla scent. Fueled by wine and her own natural curiosity, Ryan decided she needed answers. Ryan suspected her sudden desire for candor had been triggered by their brief conversation about her father and Leah’s family.

“Why did you stop being friends with Karen?” Ryan had intentionally used her mother’s name. She needed the impersonal nature of it to shield her from what Leah might say.

Leah’s hand paused over the small glass jar that housed a stack of sugar cubes. Without looking at Ryan, she answered. “We grew apart.”

“How, specifically?” Ryan sat down on the sofa, and crossing her legs, leaned back. She was wading into this regardless of Leah’s willingness to go along.

Leah turned around, the steaming cup of tea in her hand. “Sugar?”

Ryan nodded her head. “Yes, please.”

Leah dropped a sugar cube into the hot beverage, and handed the cup to Ryan. She sat down on a wooden swivel chair in front of the desk, and ran her fingers through her blonde hair. “God, I don’t know. School, schedules.” She looked at Ryan. “Typical stuff.”

Ryan took a tentative sip of the tea, and finding it too hot to drink, rested it in her lap, cupping the hot ceramic mug carefully between her hands. “Why does my aunt hate you?”

Leah laughed, but the sound was hollow. “I think hate is a bit strong.”

Ryan recalled the two women’s interaction at the cemetery. “No. She really hates you. I mean, Lucy is a lot of things, but she’s rarely openly aggressive.” Ryan smiled, trying to ease the tension. “It would be considered rude, and a social faux pas.”

Leah nodded, her eyes focused on some unseen spot in the distance. “You’re right. She does hate me.”

Ryan leaned forward and sat her tea on the narrow end table next to the sofa. Resting her elbows on her knees, she considered Leah for several seconds before continuing. “Why?”

Leah stood up quickly. “Christ, Ryan. You should ask her.”

Ryan didn’t move as she continued to watch Leah closely. She was determined to finish the conversation. “I wouldn’t believe her.”

Leah crouched down in front of Ryan, her eyes scanning the younger woman’s face. “But you’d believe me?” Leah barely whispered the words as she laid her hand on Ryan’s knee.

Ryan’s throat tightened, the heat from Leah’s hand moving up her thigh and into the pit of her stomach. She was having difficulty swallowing, much less thinking and speaking. She couldn’t remember when her longing for Leah had begun. She only now found herself in the middle of it.

Ryan reached for Leah. She placed her hands on either side of Leah’s neck, gently pulling her closer. Leah leaned forward, resting her hands on either side of Ryan’s hips. Leah’s light green eyes met Ryan’s blue ones, their lips inches apart.

Ryan felt as if she was poised on the edge of something she hadn’t realized she was waiting for. It felt astonishing and terrifying at the same time. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she felt like her blood was on fire. The blaze wasn’t one that scorched, but one that lit her from within.

At last, there was an urgency in both women as their lips met. A gasp escaped Leah at the first touch of Ryan’s tongue to hers. Pushing Ryan against the back of the sofa, Leah straddled the woman, her fingers entwining in Ryan’s short brown locks.

Ryan ran her hands under the back of Leah’s sweater. The heat of her skin rippled through Ryan’s hands and up her arms. Leah pulled back, and cupping Ryan’s cheek with one hand, gently stroked her hair with the other.

Ryan turned her head to the side and leaned forward, resting her head between Leah’s breasts. The nearness of her caused Ryan’s breath to catch. Leah wrapped her arms around Ryan, clutching her tightly. Then Ryan shifted, laying Leah down on the sofa.

Ryan’s head was spinning and every inch of her body felt warmed by a million points of heat. Leah pulled Ryan down, their lips meeting again as their hands freely roamed over and under each other’s clothing.

While running her hand under Leah’s sweater, Ryan’s mouth licked and sucked at the supple skin along Leah’s neck. Something akin to electricity shot up Ryan’s arm as she cupped and massaged Leah’s firm breast through the silk fabric of her bra.

“Ryan. Wait.” Leah managed through gasping breaths.

Leaning back, her own breath coming in short spirts, Ryan looked confused. “Are you okay?”

Leah placed her hand on the side of Ryan’s neck, her touch suddenly cool and soothing against Ryan’s heated skin. “Too okay. We need to slow down.”

Ryan frowned, and shifted so she was kneeling between Leah’s legs. “Why?”

Leah smiled, propping herself up on her elbows. “I don’t usually move this quickly.”

The idea of Leah doing this with another woman made Ryan feel nauseous and foolish at the same time. “I don’t either.” She lied. Ryan wasn’t untethered when it came to sex, but she rarely got to the point she and Leah were at now and decided to put on the brakes.

“Then you understand?” Leah shifted and slid her legs from around Ryan. Sitting up, she ran her fingers through her tousled hair.

Ryan felt pouty as she sat next to Leah. She wanted the woman more than anything, but she understood Leah’s hesitation. They hadn’t really talked about a relationship or even the fact they were attracted to one another. Not to mention Ryan still didn’t fully understand Leah’s connection to the rest of her family.

“You’re upset with me.” Leah took Ryan’s hand in hers, the coolness from moments ago replaced with the woman’s usual warmth.

Ryan flattened her hand out, and pressed her palm into Leah’s. “Disappointed.” She looked out of the side of her eye at Leah, a faint smirk on her lips. “Mostly for you.”

Leah’s brow shot up. “Why’s that?”

Ryan leaned over so her shoulder was touching Leah’s. “Because I am really good at what you just stopped from happening.”

Catching Ryan’s more upbeat mood, Leah wrapped her arm around Ryan’s waist and put her lips to Ryan’s ear. “I’ve got more years of practice.”

***

It was nearly ten o’clock at night, and it had started misting. After circling for ten minutes, Ryan resigned herself to parking four blocks over from her house, and mucking through the rain. She jogged back to her house, feeling hopeful about her and Leah’s chances at making a go of it.

Rounding the corner, Ryan’s eyes narrowed. There was a black Lincoln Town Car double parked in front of her house, its lights on. Frowning, she trotted up the front steps, and before opening the door, she could hear the sound of Carol’s laughter.

“Ryan!” Carol was sitting on the couch next to Greg. Seeing Ryan come through the door, she hopped up and rushed toward her cousin.

“Carol?! What are you doing here?” Ryan wrapped her arms around the elated woman.

“We thought we would surprise you.” Lucy’s voice came from the kitchen as the woman rounded the corner.

Ryan’s eyes widened. Her aunt was the last person she had expected to see. “Aunt Lucy, ah – wow. You’re here – in my house.”

“Try not to overwhelm me with enthusiasm, Ryan.” The woman leaned in and quickly kissed her niece on the cheek. “We’re here. Let’s not make a big deal about it.” The sarcasm practically dripped from the woman’s lips.

Lucy was wearing a pair of black slacks, a purple cardigan duster that fell to just below her knees, and a black shell. The myriad of platinum and diamond jewelry that adorned the woman, along with the fact she looked as if she had just stepped out of a salon, was in stark contrast to the less ornate appearance of her surroundings.

Nicole was sitting at the dining room table, and Ryan could see from the look on her face she was not thrilled with the sudden onslaught of houseguests. “How long are you staying – in Baltimore?”

Lucy sat down at the dining room table, crossing her legs as she leaned back. “Through the weekend. My husband has business in the city, and we all thought it would be the perfect opportunity to catch up with Ryan.”

“You’re – ah, you’re all here?” Ryan stood with her arm around Carol’s waist, trying to stave off the claustrophobic feeling creeping over her. She had lived in Baltimore for six years, and with the exception of a few visits from Carol, her extended family had never darkened her door. Seeing her aunt sitting so casually in her dining room seemed surreal and off-putting.

“Christ, Ryan. It’s not as if we’re staying with you.” Lucy stood. “We have a suite at the Monaco.”

“I didn’t think you meant to stay here. It’s just a surprise to see –” Ryan stammered and took stock of how quickly her evening had gone from excellent to odd.

Carol leaned in and laid her head on Ryan’s shoulder. “We were just leaving, but not before you agree to dinner tomorrow.”

Ryan smiled, the familiar citrus notes of Carol’s Tom Ford Plum Japonais perfume wafting over her. “Well, you have come all this way.” Ryan teased.

Lucy walked toward the door, and pulled her black Burberry rain coat from the hook near the door. “The Richmond at six.” Before Ryan could respond, Lucy turned her attention to Nicole and Greg. “Thank you for being so patient with us. I’m sure having a complete stranger arrive on your doorstep at nine o’clock at night was the last thing you expected.” Lucy glanced at Carol. “My daughter assured me we would be welcomed, and we were. Thank you.”

Nicole got up from the table, and crossed the small room, her hand outstretched. “It’s been nice to finally meet you.”

Lucy managed a faint smile. “Likewise.” Looking at Carol. “Ready?”

Carol gave Ryan a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you tomorrow.” Lowering her voice, and waiting until her mother had stepped outside onto the stoop, Carol continued. “I told her we should wait until the morning or at least call, but –”

“It’s fine.” Ryan reassured the nervous woman. “See you tomorrow.”

“Thanks Nicole.” Carol smiled, then turning her attention to Greg, grinned shyly. “It was nice meeting you. Ryan has had nothing but great things to say about you over the years.” She reached out her hand. “I’m glad one of my visits finally coincided with meeting you.”

Ryan watched as Greg actually blushed before taking the beautiful woman’s hand. “Just lucky I was here when you arrived.”

Carol nodded, holding Greg’s hand for several moments longer than necessary before Nicole cleared her throat and broke the awkwardness of the moment. “Okay then. So, Carol, take care.”

Ryan noted the tension in her roommate’s voice, and wondered if seeing another woman clearly enamored with Greg had triggered some jealousy for the otherwise uninterested woman.

Carol reluctantly released Greg’s hand, and stepped to the door. “Bye.”

Ryan and Nicole didn’t bother to respond as Carol’s attentions were clearly focused on Greg. “Bye.” The man raised is right hand and waved.

Shutting the door, Nicole turned and rolled her eyes. “You’re tragic.”

Greg, the spell broken, blinked several times. “What?”

Instead of responding to Greg’s confused utterance, Nicole turned to Ryan. “Our friend over there has it bad for your cousin. She’s in the door eight-point-three seconds and he’s making googly eyes at her.”

Greg squared his shoulders and looked directly at Nicole. “I don’t see why it should matter to you.”

Ryan’s brow arched, and she discreetly exited the room to the kitchen.  Though she was now out of immediate fire, the irritation in Nicole’s voice was still evident from the other room. “I could care less who you flirt with, but could you limit your shenanigans to places other than my living room?”

“I was being friendly.” Greg insisted as he flopped down on the couch.

“What are you doing?” Nicole asked harshly.

“I’m finishing the movie. You’re welcome to join.”

Ryan leaned on the counter, sipping from the bottled water she had just retrieved from the refrigerator, a smirk on her face as she listened to her two friends square off.

“In case you missed it, I’m unhappy with you, and that should trigger something in your brain telling you to leave my house.” Nicole insisted.

“So, you don’t want to finish the movie?” Ryan could practically see the smirk on Greg’s face as he reveled in getting a rise out of Nicole.

“Fine! Stay, but I’m going upstairs.” Nicole’s declaration was followed by the loud stomping of her feet as she ascended the stairs.

Ryan cautiously exited the kitchen to find Greg sitting comfortably on the sofa, the remote in hand. “You, ah, you got her worked up there.” Ryan sat on the sofa next to Greg.

“She’ll get over it.” Greg dropped the remote on the coffee table, and turned to face Ryan. “So, how are you? We haven’t seen much of each other with your new job and my work schedule.”

Ryan smiled, appreciative of her friend’s interest. “I’m good. Work is challenging, but exactly what I want it to be.”

“Nicole mentioned you’ve been seeing more of Leah. Is that a good thing?” Greg tentatively asked.

Irritation flared in Ryan at the idea of her friends discussing her love life, but she reminded herself they always had her best interest at heart, and she doubted it had been anything akin to a gossip session. “It’s going well. We were out tonight actually.”

Greg nodded. “That’s great, and what about Jenny?”

Ryan winced. “Yeah, after her little performance at my birthday, we decided to let that whole thing go.”

Greg’s brow arched. “It was that easy?”

If anyone else had asked her that, Ryan would have felt defensive, but Greg was clearly and genuinely interested. “It was.” Ryan stated plainly with no concern Greg would judge her as being harsh or cold.

“Clean breaks can be the best sometime.” Greg said warily.

Ryan leaned back on the sofa, looking at her friend closely. “You’re not really that into my cousin, are you?”

Greg looked sheepishly at Ryan. “No. But she is very attractive, and maybe –” The man hesitated.

“And maybe it didn’t hurt that Nicole lost her mind when she saw you hitting on another woman?” Ryan said casually, not wanting Greg to feel she was judging him in anyway.

“She really did lose her mind, didn’t she?” A faint smile found Greg’s lips.

Ryan took a drink of her water. “And how.”

Greg picked up the remote, and sat back on the sofa. “Cool.”

Ryan stayed downstairs for another hour watching Star Trek Into Darkness with Greg before the two friends said their goodnights, and Ryan went upstairs to get ready for bed.

Ryan pulled her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans, and seeing the text notification icon, realized she had left her phone muted from when she was at dinner with Leah.

Did you get home okay? Leah’s text had been sent over an hour ago, and Ryan quickly responded, not wanting the woman to worry.

Sorry for the delay. Phone muted.

Ryan put the phone on her nightstand, and finished getting undressed. As she slipped a pair of gray cotton shorts and a white t-shirt on, her phone chimed.

I was getting worried, but glad you’re okay.

Ryan didn’t want to talk about her out of town visitors or the Nicole and Greg drama over text; so she opted for what she thought was the more interesting topic. I had a great time tonight. Dinner and after.

Sliding under the covers of her bed, Ryan reached over and turned the lamp on her nightstand off. The room was plunged into relative darkness with the exception of the faint light coming from her phone display.

Me too. Sleep well.

Ryan smiled. Night.

Ryan wanted to say more. Her chest felt as if it might explode from the sensations of euphoria, hope, and joy. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so utterly pleased with any other endeavor than she felt about her and Leah. Part of her cautioned against becoming too enamored, but Ryan was pleasantly surprised that her less cynical side was winning out.

***

The Richmond restaurant was located in the Baltimore neighborhood of Harbor East. The high end Southern style eatery sat near the Inner Harbor and across the water from Federal Hill. Ryan had never ventured in as she was rarely in the neighborhood. Besides, the restaurant’s multi-course tasting menu could run in excess of a hundred and fifty dollars for six courses, plus wine.

“Welcome.” An early twenty-something woman, dressed in a black cocktail dress with her brown hair pulled back in a severe bun, greeted Ryan.

“Hi. I’m with the Myers-Howland party.” Ryan looked around. The dining room was lovely with warm peach and cream colors running throughout. The wallpaper was accented with a discreet gold floral design, and the high-back chairs were upholstered in persimmon velvet.

“Of course, Ms. Myers. Please follow me.” The woman led Ryan through the main dining room, into a room with only one large round table, and walls lined with bottles of wine.

“You’re the first to arrive this evening. Franklin will be assisting you.” The hostess pulled a chair out for Ryan, and offered her a menu. “Enjoy.”

Ryan took her phone out of the front pocket of her brown slacks. Glancing at the phone’s clock, she rolled her eyes. Her family was nearly ten minutes late even though she had fought Friday night rush hour to get from Columbia into downtown Baltimore. Their hotel is less than two miles away and they can’t bother to get here on time.

Just as Ryan was about to work herself into a full on rant, Carol and Lucy walked into the private dining room.

“We’re late.” Carol announced, with the hostess from moments ago following behind her and Lucy. “I’m so sorry. Have you been waiting long?” Carol leaned over and kissed Ryan on the cheek.

“I just got here.” Ryan stood up to greet her aunt.

“Your uncle and cousin are indecisive asses.” Lucy took her trench coat off and handed it to the hostess. “They’re coming – they’re not coming. Christ, the Middle East crisis will be resolved before the two of them make up their minds.”

Lucy crossed the room and hugged Ryan. Looking down at Ryan’s brown slacks and light green sweater, the corner of Lucy’s mouth turned down. “Are you coming straight from work?”

Ryan had learned years ago that her aunt rarely came out with a direct compliment or insult. Rather, the intended recipient – or in this case victim – had to watch the woman’s face carefully. Tonight, Ryan’s subdued attire had warranted the dreaded oh, you poor thing look from Lucy.

Where Carol had a tendency to justify and explain her perceived short comings to her mother, Ryan had adopted a more passive approach. “I have. Traffic was awful.” Feigning ignorance of the slight mitigated the possibility of a superficial conversation about hairstyles and skirt lengths from enveloping the evening.

Lucy nodded as she took her seat across the table from Carol and Ryan. “I loathe traffic, and this city’s car services are a joke.”

Not wanting to hear her aunt’s litany of reasons Baltimore was a subpar city in comparison to New York, Ryan interjected. “Should we order some drinks?”

Just then a tall gentleman in his late thirties entered the room. He was dressed in an impeccably tailored black suit, white dress shirt, and black tie. His brown hair was combed perfectly to the side, and his skin was smooth with an olive complexion.

“Good evening, ladies. I’m Franklin, I will be assisting you this evening.” He scanned the table. “I see two additional place settings. Are you still expecting them?”

Lucy shook her head. “No. Please bring me a Macallan Old Fashioned.”

“And for you two ladies?” Franklin looked at Carol and Ryan.

“Tanqueray and tonic with lime, please.” Carol began looking over the menu.

“I’ll have the same.” Ryan didn’t drink very much liquor and had no idea what she liked, but gin and tonic seemed like a harmless option.

Franklin left the room, and Ryan picked up her menu. “What did you do today?” She asked Carol.

“Shopping mostly. Dad and Andrew were in meetings all day, so Mom and I puttered.” Carol looked across the table at Lucy. “What was that little boutique we were in that had that beautiful sapphire and diamond ring?”

Without looking up from her menu, Lucy responded. “Lightell’s, but I told you, the diamond quality was horrible.”

Ryan listened as her cousin and aunt went back and forth on whether there were any decent diamonds left, and if any of those could be found in a small shop in Baltimore. The conversation could not have interested Ryan less. She found herself wishing Franklin would hurry back with their cocktails, as maybe alcohol would ease her into what was shaping up to be an incredibly dull evening.

“What is it you’re doing now, Ryan?” Lucy asked as Franklin set her Old Fashioned down in front of her.

“I work for Howard County.” Ryan thanked Franklin for her gin and tonic, then took a quick sip before continuing. The floral and citrus flavors of the gin were surprisingly refreshing. “I work closely with the vendors and community program directors.”

Lucy took a long drink of her Old Fashioned. “Carol tells me you’re seeing Leah.” Her gaze was steady as she looked intently at Ryan.

Ryan shot her cousin an annoyed glance, as Carol shifted nervously in her seat. Ryan had mentioned Leah briefly in a text exchange she had with Carol over a week ago, but it hadn’t occurred to her the woman would share that detail with her mother.

Before Ryan could speak, Franklin returned. “Ladies, have you decided?”

Lucy handed Franklin her menu. “We’ll have the six course, chef’s choice. No shell fish please, and a bottle of the Harlan Estate Cabernet Sauvignon.”

Franklin retrieved Carol and Ryan’s menus and left the room. Lucy drained her Old Fashioned, the ice cubes clinking as she sat the empty glass down on the table. “So, Ryan – you and Leah?”

It occurred to Ryan she could just lie and downplay her relationship with Leah, but that seemed disrespectful to Leah. “We’ve just started dating.”

Lucy’s perfectly manicured eyebrow arched. “Dating? You must be joking.”

Ryan took a drink of the gin and tonic, a slight tremor in her hand as her aunt’s tone reminded her of the many heated arguments her mother and she had. Karen would begin by sounding incredulous, shift to indignant, and seamlessly transition to irate.

“I – I’m not joking.” Ryan narrowed her eyes disapprovingly at her cousin before turning her attention back to Lucy. “It’s early on, but we’re enjoying each other’s company.”

Lucy leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table. “I’m sure she’s enjoying your company, but what in god’s name do you talk about?”

Carol cleared her throat. “Mother, Ryan isn’t going to give us details, and frankly it’s none of our business.”

Lucy pointed her thin, tapered index finger at her daughter. “I wasn’t speaking to you, and anything to do with this family is my business.”

In lieu of a retort, Carol reached for her drink. Ryan was struggling not to sink to her aunt’s level, and indulge them both in a heated argument. “We’re consenting ad-”

“You should know there’s a history there, Ryan.” Lucy gestured to Franklin as he entered the room that she needed another Old Fashioned. The man quickly removed the empty glass, and left.

“What history?” Ryan was surprised how easily the otherwise elusive backstory of Leah and her family was going to, in the end, come to light.

“She made advances toward me when we were in high school, and when I rebuffed her, she moved on to your mother. It’s a game for her – the seduction.” Lucy cringed as if the very thought of Leah turned her stomach.

Ryan was struggling to wrap her mind around what her aunt was saying. “What kind of advances? What does that mean?”

Lucy winced. “Do the details matter?”

“Yes.” Ryan said flatly.

Rolling her eyes, Lucy looked down at the table. “I love you, Ryan, and because of that I’m willing to drudge this muck up again if it spares you heartache.”

Ryan heard the words coming out of her aunt’s mouth, but she continued to doubt the validity of what the woman was saying. “I appreciate that.”

Lucy sighed, bracing her hands on the edge of the table. “I had already begun to wonder about Leah, but hadn’t said anything to your mother.” Lucy wiped at invisible tears just under her eyes. “I was happy she had made a friend she clearly cared for.”

Ryan was getting the distinct impression her aunt was stalling, and Ryan couldn’t muster the patience for it today. “The advances, Aunt Lucy. What happened?”

A flash of irritation shot across Lucy’s face, but almost immediately her features softened. “She was staying overnight, and we were both in the kitchen.” Lucy’s eyes were unfocused as she stared at the table top. “She cornered me and tried to kiss me. When I told her I wasn’t like that she stormed off.”

The last part of her aunt’s declaration had come quickly, her words running together. Ryan leaned back in her chair, unsure what to say. She could see how the incident could be upsetting to a straight woman, but it didn’t ring true to what she knew about Leah.

Not waiting for Ryan to respond, Lucy continued. “It’s sad really, she’s a beautiful woman and could have almost anyone, but she clearly wants what she can’t have.” Lucy paused for effect. “Of course, now, you’re giving her what she’s always wanted.”

Ryan swallowed the lump in her throat, her aunt’s words jabbing into her like sharp knives. “Giving her what?”

Lucy grinned. “Don’t be naïve. She’s always wanted a Myers woman. Our power – our money. Now she’s got one – a generation late, but who’s counting.”

Franklin sat Lucy’s Old Fashioned in front of her, and the woman slowly lifted the drink to her full lips, her eyes set on Ryan as she drank.

Carol put her hand on Ryan’s forearm. “I’m sorry, Ryan.”

Ryan looked at Carol, the muscles in her jaw jumping. “I don’t believe her, and besides, what happened twenty five years ago doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

Lucy tisked. “Of course it does. A leopard doesn’t change its spots. Once she’s bedded you, and hopefully scored a few pricey gifts, she’ll move on.”

Ryan’s stomach turned at her aunt’s crass language. “You don’t have to be so vulgar about it.” Ryan was surprised at the sternness in her voice.

Lucy’s shoulders stiffened. “I’ll say it as I see fit, and you’d do best to mind your tone.”

Ryan had been in this position with her aunt before. It was a clear divergence as to which direction the conversation could go. She could acquiesce to her aunt, or she could argue with her. Where Leah was concerned, Ryan was inclined towards the argument.

“I’m not a child, Aunt Lucy, and I’ll choose my own tones.” Ryan shifted in her chair.

Carol bristled as she reached for Ryan’s arm. “Ryan.”

“No, let her make a fool out of herself.” Lucy sat forward, resting her elbows on the table.

Ryan looked at Carol, ignoring her aunt’s taunting. “I’m sorry, Carol. I just find it hard to believe Leah would be that careless.”

Carol opened her mouth to speak, but Lucy quickly interjected. “You address me directly, Ryan Haley – this is our conversation.” Lucy tone was sharp, her finger pointing at Ryan as she spoke. “Don’t pull your cousin into it.”

Ryan was pulled in two directions. What she knew of Leah didn’t align with what Lucy was saying. It did, though, shed some light on Leah’s vagueness around her relationship with Karen, and her and Lucy’s animosity toward one another.

Ryan stood up, her knees feeling weak. “I’m leaving.” She looked at Carol. “We’ll talk later.”

Lucy stood. Her posture was suddenly welcoming as she reached for Ryan “Don’t be ridiculous. At least eat something.”

Shaking her head, Ryan nearly ran into Franklin as she exited the room. “No thank you. Bye.” Winding her way back through the restaurant, Ryan’s head was spinning and she felt tears pushing their way out. The cool night air and noise of the busy city street snapped her back into place, and she took several deep breaths before walking toward her car.

She needed to talk to Leah, but had no idea how to broach the subject of whether or not Leah was a seductress bent on sleeping with Ryan because of her family money. It sounded so ridiculous. Sliding into the driver’s seat of her Civic, Ryan stared into the distance, the lights of oncoming cars blurred by tears.

It doesn’t make sense. We could have slept together last night, after dinner. Leah put the brakes on, she’s been the one hesitant about getting into a relationship.

Ryan wiped at her face, and started her car. Her aunt’s words kept running through her mind as she navigated through downtown Baltimore: It’s a game for her.

Through the haze of disbelief and despair, Ryan managed to park her car a block from her house. Sitting in the vehicle, she highlighted Leah’s contact information on her phone, and pressed the call button.

“Hi. I was just thinking about you.” Ryan couldn’t help but smile at Leah’s cheerful tone.

“Good stuff, I hope.” Ryan managed through a tight throat.

“What’s wrong? You sound upset.” Leah’s lighthearted tone shifted to one of concern. Ryan shook her head. “Ryan, are you there?” Leah asked.

“Sorry. I’m here. I was shaking my head no.”

Leah chuckled. “I must have missed that. Does the head shaking mean you’re okay?”

“I am.” Ryan was forcing air in and out of her lungs in an effort to keep her voice even. “Can I see you tonight?”

“Oh, I can’t. I’m actually driving over to meet Marty for dinner, and then I’ve promised to watch any number of sci-fi movies with him tonight.” Leah chuckled. “I am very cool.”

“How about tomorrow?” Ryan was trying not to sound desperate.

“I’m volunteering at St. Martin’s in Catonsville tomorrow until four, but any time after works.”

“You volunteer at a convent?” Ryan was momentarily pulled from the confusion of the evening by this new and unexpected fact about Leah.

“Like I said, I’m very cool.” Leah teased. “My aunt was Catholic. She lived in the nursing home there until she died. So I helped to take care of her, and in the process grew fond of the nuns. I try to help out when I can.”

“That’s really nice.”

“Try not to sound so surprised, Ryan.” Leah joked. “Hey, why don’t you meet me there tomorrow, and we can go have an early dinner? There are tons of little mom-and-pops in the area.”

Ryan’s head was pounding, and she needed to blow her nose. “Sounds great. Four then?”

“Yep. See you then!” Leah sounded outright ecstatic. A mere twenty minutes ago Ryan would have shared her enthusiasm about getting together, but now she was struggling not to break down in a sobbing heap.

“See you. Bye.” Ryan quickly hung up and immediately began crying. She resented her aunt for putting this on her, and she was angry with her cousin for betraying a confidence. Once again, her choice to disassociate from her family was being validated, and the unintended comingling with them again clearly a mistake.

Ryan got out of her car, and as she walked toward her house, she tried to imagine what Leah would say to her tomorrow when confronted with Lucy’s accusations. Ryan needed her to be outraged and indignant, but if she wasn’t – if she said it was all true – was Ryan prepared to stop seeing Leah?

People change. Even if she was a money-grubbing asshole then, that doesn’t mean she’s an asshole now.

It seemed simple enough to Ryan, but as she unlocked her front door, her stomach still in knots, she instinctively knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. After all, nothing with her family ever was.

Chapter 12

A nun dressed in a white habit sat behind a counter as Ryan entered the St. Martin’s facility. By Ryan’s estimation, the woman was at least eighty years old.

“Hello. May I help you?” The woman’s voice was frail and thin sounding.

“Hi. I’m meeting Leah Brewer. She’s volunteering today and -”

“Oh, you’re a friend of Leah’s, how wonderful. She’s just lovely.” The woman slowly stood and pointed toward one of the three hallways that angled off from the main entrance. “Take the third hall to the end, and you’ll find her in the activities room.”

Ryan smiled. “Thank you.” She made her way down the hall. St. Martin’s was a series of six resident wings adjacent to a long central building. Ryan walked toward the third wing back from the front of the home, and found the living areas charming as each resident was encouraged to decorate the foyer area outside their rooms.

It was clear to Ryan that many of the residents had tremendous talent, and she stopped to admire one piece in particular. A beautifully woven handmade quilt was draped over an antique rocking chair that sat in the small entryway shared by two residences. The quilt was a floret pattern done in light greens and dark blues, with inlays of burgundy stitching throughout.

Ryan was pulled from her admiration of the piece by the sound of Leah’s laughter coming from the end of the hall. She walked toward an open door, feeling – in spite of the unknowns in their relationship – strangely close to Leah, having recognized her laughter from afar.

Ryan stood in the doorway of the activities room. In spite of the dreaded conversation that was to come, she couldn’t help but smile as she watched Leah interacting with the home’s residents. Leah was smiling broadly as she sat at a large rectangular table with three elderly women, a set of playing cards in each woman’s hands.

“Mrs. Hulme, you know there is no cross table chatter with Mrs. Dunkin. That’s what is commonly referred to in the pinochle circles as cheating.” Leah jokingly chastised one of the women for signaling her partner what she should bid.

“I had something stuck under my dentures, dear.” Mrs. Hulme frowned. “You wouldn’t want me to get a worry spot.”

Leah laughed. “I would have those things refitted then. That’s the third bit of food you’ve had stuck, and yet I haven’t seen you take a single bite.”

Leah looked up, and seeing Ryan standing in the doorway, quickly stood, a broad smile on her face. “Ladies, give me a minute.” Hesitating, Leah grabbed her cards, and put them in the back pocket of her jeans, looking suspiciously at the five women. “Better safe than sorry.”

Walking over to Ryan, Leah took the younger woman’s hands in hers. “I’m running late.” Leah glanced over her shoulder. “They wanted to play to five hundred, four-handed, and they move at a snail’s pace.”

Ryan wanted to pull Leah to her, and pretend the conversation with her aunt hadn’t happened. She wanted to enjoy the moment intentionally unaware of the unanswered questions that lingered between her and the beautiful woman in front of her.

“It’s no trouble. I can wait up front.” Ryan squeezed Leah’s hands, her eyes wandering over the woman’s face.

Leah cocked her head to the side, a worried expression shadowing her eyes. “Is everything okay?”

Ryan nodded, she knew too eagerly, before speaking. “I’m good.”

Leah reached up and cupped Ryan’s cheek. “Give me fifteen minutes?”

“Of course.” Ryan fought back the urge to cry. The warmth of Leah’s hands and the whirlwind of emotions her touch incited in Ryan was almost more than she could bear.

Leah’s brow furrowed as she looked closely at Ryan. Lowering her voice, she leaned forward. “Something’s wrong. Let me cut this short and walk up with you.”

Not waiting for Ryan’s response, Leah turned her attention back to the women. “Ladies, parting is such sweet sorrow, but I have to go.”

Mrs. Dunkin shook her head. “You’re losing and you can’t take it.”

Leah chuckled, tossing her cards onto the table. “No, Mrs. Dunkin, I’m late. And for the record, Mrs. Hoffman and I are up by thirty.”

“Then we win!” Mrs. Hoffman announced.

The women began to bicker over the rules when one team quits, allowing Leah to quietly slip out of the room. Ryan was leaning against the wall outside the door, and Leah wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tightly.

“You ready to talk?” Leah’s breath was warm on Ryan’s neck as she spoke.

“Sure.” Ryan’s voice caught as she buried her face in the warmth of Leah’s neck.

Leah took Ryan’s hand and the two women made their way toward the front of St. Martin’s. “See you next week, Sister Mary Gabriel.” Leah smiled at the nun who had greeted Ryan.

“I suspect I’ll still be here, but one never can tell.” The woman winked at Leah and gave Ryan a smile.

The weather had finally begun to warm, and Ryan clung tightly to Leah’s hand as they walked toward her Nissan. “Hey, instead of rushing right over to dinner, why don’t we take a walk in the meditation garden?” Leah offered.

Ryan was grateful for the offer. Her nerves already had her feeling out of breath, and the idea of getting in a car made her feel claustrophobic and sweaty. “Perfect. Lead the way.”

“So you’re Catholic?” Ryan followed Leah around the building, and then up along a concrete walkway that ended near a small wooden gazebo. The path was lined with neatly trimmed grass, along with succulents, roses, and white lantana. Large pine trees formed a thick canopy overhead, and the shade they provided made the path slightly cooler than the surrounding area.

“I’m not. My Aunt Helen was.” Leah hooked her arm through Ryan’s. “My parents weren’t religious, and I’ve never found much use for it as an adult. What about you?”

“My family are white Anglo-Saxon Protestants all the way back to the Mayflower.” Ryan laid her head on Leah’s shoulder. “Which really means – at least for my immediate family – fundraisers, charity balls, and a general sense of superiority over the rest of the world.” The two women walked into the gazebo. “Then of course, there’s the proverbial stick up one’s ass.”

Leah laughed. “Can I infer from that comment you haven’t found much use for religion either?”

“Infer away.” Ryan and Leah sat down on a bench that was built into the gazebo. Across from them was a white marble statue of the Virgin Mary erected along one side of the covered area.

“So, what’s happening? You’ve looked like you were near tears since you got here, and now I know you were upset last night.” Leah held Ryan’s hand in both of hers. Her light green eyes searched Ryan’s blue ones.

“My aunt and cousin are in town.” Ryan exhaled as she felt the dreaded moment begin to unfold.

Leah nodded. “Are they okay?”

Ryan was surprised by the concern in Leah’s voice, given her and Lucy’s clear disdain for one another. “They’re fine.”

“Then what?” Leah gently prodded.

“You know how you know something, but you think there’s a chance you might not know something – or at least it might be different enough that what you know isn’t really what you imagined you knew?” Ryan stood up, her back to Leah. She knew she wouldn’t be able to have this conversation if she and Leah were touching. “You know?”

“Ah, I was never very good at word problems. Could you be a little more specific?”

Ryan couldn’t bring herself to turn around. “I need to talk to you about my mother.”

Leah leaned back on the bench, crossing her ankles in front of her. “What about Karen?”

“I need to know what happened between you two. Specifically.” Ryan’s back was to Leah, and for whatever reason she couldn’t take her eyes away from the smooth lines and grayish white skin of the statue. Its perfection seemed more like an aberration than a rendering of a once living person.

“I told you, we had a falling out. Teenage girls and all the drama that can come along with it.” On the surface, Leah’s tone was calm, but Ryan could detect a slight edge to her words. As a result, the certainty Ryan had wanted eluded her.

Finding her courage, Ryan turned to face Leah, her eyes brimming with tears. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

Leah’s brow arched. “I’m not lying to you, and I’m a bit offended that you’re implying that I am.”

“Did you make a pass at Lucy when you were younger?” The question shot out of Ryan’s mouth before she could stop it. Leah’s evasiveness was irritating her, and it was prompting a more forward line of questioning than Ryan might otherwise be comfortable with.

Leah’s eyes widened as her breath caught in the back of her throat. “What?!”

“I asked you if –”

“Stop.” Leah stood up, and held her hand out in front of her. “Just – just stop.”

Ryan felt sick to her stomach. Hearing the hurt and anger in Leah’s voice was almost too much for her to bear. “I need you to answer the question.”

Leah shoved her hands into the front pockets of her jeans. “Jesus Christ. First Jenny and now you. Who do you think I am?”

Ryan wanted the conversation to end. She wanted Leah to say the whole idea of her and Lucy was ridiculous and comical. Instead, Leah stood in front of her defensive and angry. When Ryan spoke, her voice sounded hollow. “Please. Leah, please answer the question.” Tears burned Ryan’s eyes as she fought the urge to turn her back on Leah again.

“I have never, and would never give Lucy a second look. She’s a horrible person.” Leah’s eyes brimmed with tears. “She’s hateful and manipulative. The very idea that I would ever – it – it’s disgusting.” The tears flowed freely down Leah’s face.

Pushing past the overwhelming need to comfort Leah, Ryan softened her tone as she pressed on. “And my mother?”

Leah quickly wiped at her face as she tilted her head up. “Ryan, please don’t do this.”

Ryan stepped forward, and took Leah’s hand. “I need to know.”

Leah looked at Ryan. The green of her eyes was intensified by the redness her crying had caused. “Karen was in love with me.”

The quiet of the garden folded in around Ryan. She felt as if time were slowing down, and the space surrounding her was shrinking. “That’s not possible.”

“It’s the truth, Ryan.” Leah chewed nervously on her lower lip. “I didn’t love her - not like that anyway, but she insisted. Then she told Lucy.”

The revelation that her mother was gay, or at the very least in love with a woman, blanketed the surface of Ryan’s mind. “But – she was so angry when I came out to her.” Remembering the exchange six years earlier with Karen brought a fresh set of tears to Ryan’s eyes.

Leah squeezed Ryan’s hand. “I can’t imagine what that was like for you. Or how confusing and awful that must have been for Karen.” Leah released Ryan’s hand, and took a step back. “After Karen confided in Lucy, she betrayed your mother’s trust and told your grandfather.”

Leah sat back down on the bench, her eyes fixed on some distant point beyond the gazebo. “It got worse when Lucy implied that I had tricked or converted Karen into being gay so I could get at her money.”

Ryan pushed her own questions and hurt feelings aside, seeing that Leah – in spite of many false starts – needed to tell this story after all. She sat down next to Leah on the bench.

“Karen and I had been best friends for several years. She was one of the first people I told when I thought I might be gay.” Leah wiped at her face with the back of her hand.

“I was never attracted to her like that. I always thought of her more like a sister, but at some point she developed feelings for me.” Leah wiped the last of her tears away. “She worked up the courage to tell Lucy, and the rest was a disaster.”

Ryan put her hand on Leah’s knee. “What happened?”

Leah looked down at Ryan’s hand. “Her parents threatened to disown her. Your grandfather sent her to a resort in Massachusetts.”

Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “Resort?”

Leah sniffled. “That’s what they called it, but really it was a psychiatric hospital that specialized in fixing gay people.”

“Jesus.” Ryan couldn’t imagine what that had been like for her mother. She had read about ex-gay movements, and knew some of them went as far back as the late sixties and early seventies. “What happened?” Ryan forced the question. She wasn’t sure she had the stomach for the answer.

Leah hesitated. Her voice cracked when she finally managed to speak. “When she came home, she was so angry and hateful. She blamed me for what she had been through.” As she spoke, Leah’s eyes filled with tears again. “She was angry she had stood up to her family for what in the end turned out to be nothing.”

“But it wasn’t nothing if she was gay.” Ryan insisted, her mother’s reaction to her own coming out ringing truer in light of what Leah was telling her.

“She didn’t see it like that, and we had a terrible falling out.” Leah frowned. “I think she married your father to prove something to her family – or to herself.” Leah’s gaze was distant.

“Leah.” Ryan put her hand on the woman’s back. “It’s not your fault. You were honest with her.”

Leah’s eyes shot up to Ryan’s. Her face distorted with grief, and something else Ryan thought akin to shame. Leah quickly got up.

“What is it?” Ryan felt some of the certainty of the past few minutes begin to falter. She didn’t want to go backward with Leah.

“Nothing. I haven’t talked about any of this for a long time.” Leah couldn’t make eye contact with Ryan, and she had thrust her hands back into her pockets.

Ryan closed her eyes, an errant tear running down her left cheek. In that moment she knew Leah was still holding something back. The fact Leah would lie to her so emphatically after what she had shared, threw Ryan back into the deep recesses of doubt.

“Ryan?” Leah was standing in front of her. “Tell me.”

Ryan sniffled. She was tired. Her body suddenly ached with fatigue, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up in her bed. “I’m not going to be able to have dinner with you tonight. I just remembered I promised Carol we would get drinks.”

Leah’s shoulders slumped, a frown forming on her perfect mouth. “Ryan, we should talk about this.”

Ryan stepped around Leah, and began walking back through the garden. “What’s to talk about? You’ve said all you’re going to say, right?”

Leah quickened her pace to catch up with Ryan before grabbing the woman’s forearm. “Wait. What’s going on?”

Ryan spun around. “Did you tell me everything?”

The last trace of hope Ryan had was hanging on Leah’s next words. When Leah said nothing, Ryan’s fall into doubt was even greater than she could have imagined. She had already gone so far with Leah that the journey away from her seemed perilous and exhausting.

“I have to go.” Ryan pulled her arm away from a dumbfounded Leah, and quickly retreated to her car. Leaving the convent, Ryan veered off onto a residential street, pulled alongside the curb, and put her car in park.

She looked up at the sky, catching glimpses of white clouds between the branches of nearby trees. Like Leah, they had nothing to say. Ryan felt a pressure on her chest, and she thought it must be the weight of suspicion pressing into her, reshaping her skin along with her feelings for Leah. She suddenly felt heavy and clumsy as if she were fraying in places.

Resting her forehead against the steering wheel, Ryan wondered if she weren’t better off not knowing. Everything Leah had said left Ryan wondering if no answers were the best, lest she have to try to unlearn the ones she didn’t like.

***

1 May 1628

Isaac woke me before dawn this morning. I was slow to rise as I can feel the time of our child’s birth is near, though the sickness and cramping have left me.

Isaac and I have struggled over the past few days to find our way back to each other after the terrible words we had. My husband has reminded me though, that where we have love we have forgiveness.

I fear there will be no forgiveness for Margery and her family. As much as it pains me to write, I know now that what they are accused of is true. Coleen called upon me just yesterday, she said at the request of Isaac. She was, as always, gracious and kind in her reassurances that all would be well with the birth, and that she had no doubt our child would flourish.

“Your family is a strong one, Remembrance.” She had not touched the warm ale I had given her, but absently ran her finger along the mug’s rim. “You must know the Allerton line is one of strength and conviction.” Her eyes had narrowed and an inquisitive look crossed her face. “Did Isaac tell you my husband knew his father?”

I was surprised by such a revelation as Isaac had not so much as mentioned a connection between the families. “No, he must have forgotten.”

Coleen had nodded. “He is a very busy man, but then again do not all men think themselves busy?”

Her words had been said casually, but I was still surprised that she would speak so plainly. “They are the stronger sex by design.” I shifted nervously in my chair, unsure where our conversation would take us.

“Because it is so, or because they have said it is so?” Coleen took a short drink of the ale, frowning before quickly placing the mug on the table next to her.

“Is the ale not to your liking?” As I have said before, I have always enjoyed Isaac’s family’s recipe and was surprised Coleen seemed turned off by it.

“I have never cared for warm ale.” In spite of her words, a warm smile had spread across her mouth, and I found I could hardly be cross with her.

“Your husband knew my father-in-law?” I was keen to direct the conversation back to this interesting, and previously unknown fact about my husband’s family.

“He did. They had business dealings in Europe.” Though she had broached the subject, she now seemed to be intentionally being vague in her responses, and I wondered if she was testing my resolve to know the truth.

“Is that what prompted you to come to Plymouth?” I had many questions going through my mind, and could not decide which was more pressing.

Coleen leaned forward in her chair, and I was again amazed at her beauty. “We came to Plymouth – we crossed an ocean – for the same reasons you did.”

The intensity of her voice, and the steadiness of her gaze brought a sudden heat to my neck and I found difficulty in speaking past the lump that had formed in my throat. “I – we came for freedom of thought and faith.”

Coleen leaned back, and something akin to a short laugh escaped her. “Yes, yes. We came for the same reasons.”

Now, I could not say why exactly, but there was a telling in her posture, or perhaps a slight hitch in her tone, but I did not altogether believe her. Though it seems unimportant in consideration of what else I have been told and seen today.

After waking me this morning, Isaac insisted I get dressed and be prepared to travel into the town center. I did not feel I could as I estimate I am less than a fortnight from birth. Isaac, though apologetic, was insistent nonetheless, and I felt obliged to honor his wishes.

An hour later, I stood in the town center with no less than fifty other citizens. To my horror, Margery, Abigail and Goody Sebille were pulled before the crowd in stocks. The chains were so heavy, a constable had to give aid to Goody Sebille as she was unable to manage the restraints on her own.

Isaac had left me with Goody Payne, and shortly after, Coleen and her sister Hester arrived in moods I can only liken to jubilation.

“What a glorious day!” Goody Tynan had smiled, lifting her head toward the overcast sky. “Do you not agree, Goody Allerton?”

I did not agree. Though I understood the necessity of any good Christian to do their duty in vanquishing the servants of the devil, I could never abide the public spectacle.

Coleen took my hand in her cool one, and clearly seeing my dismay, squeezed my hand reassuringly. “This is not their end. This is the trial.” She nodded toward the procession of judges that exited the court house. “You see, there is Isaac near the front.”

I scanned the crowd, and found Isaac’s face. His brow was narrowed, and his lips set in a frown. I could not imagine what a struggle this had been for him or his counterparts as I can scarcely think of the burdens of men.

I listened, my hand still in Coleen’s, as the head magistrate read the charges against the Sebille women to the town’s people. The list was more shocking than one could care to imagine. Conjuring of the devil, killing farm stock throughout the colony in ritualistic manners, and perhaps worst of all, Abigail was accused of fornicating with no less than three savages in what the magistrate described as desperate acts of debauchery.

I was not alone in my disgust, and held tight to Coleen for fear I might collapse under the weight of these revelations. “I knew she had denied two suitors, but I had not imagined –”

“She’s a whore of the devil, and her kind must be ended.” Goody Payne’s tone was vicious, and though I had always thought of her as a soft spoken kindly woman, her eyes shone with a rage I had not thought her capable of.

All I could do was stand and watch as a woman I once considered a friend and her family were held up to the light of God for the town to pay witness to their heresy. I cannot recall the entirety of the proceedings for they seemed so very distant to me, only that tomorrow at first light the women are to be taken to the river and drowned.

I pray that God’s light protect this town and its citizens!

***

Sunlight peered through the slats of the wooden blinds in the back office of the Portable Magic bookshop. Spring was in full bloom, but in spite of the optimism inherent to the season, the mood inside the office was bleak.

“We have three appraisals scheduled next week. Are you available Tuesday?” Marty looked up at Leah. The two sat in the office of the bookshop, Marty at the desk looking over their calendar on the laptop, and Leah slouched on the sofa with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Leah? Hello.” Marty waved his hand in front of him. “Are you with me?”

Leah looked up, her eyes still unfocused. “What?”

Sighing, Marty closed the laptop and turned his full attention to his distraught business partner and friend. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

Leah sipped from her coffee cup. “Do what?”

Pushing with his legs, Marty rolled the office chair across the small space until he was sitting directly in front of Leah. “Don’t bullshit me, and don’t play dumb. You’ve been like a zombie for the past three days.”

“Not really.” Leah sighed.

“I’m going to skip past all this subterfuge crap – if you miss Ryan, call her.” Marty pivoted around in his chair, and scooted back to the desk.

“I’m fine.” Leah said flatly. “She overreacted and that’s not on me.”

Marty hung his head as he turned back around to face Leah. “You’re still lying to her, and bless her, she can tell, and called you on it.” Marty shook his head. “How is that overreacting?”

“I’m not lying to her, I’m omitting.” Leah sat up, and put her coffee on the end table next to her. She couldn’t imagine the truth would suit Ryan any better than a lie, and at least – even if Ryan didn’t realize it now – there was some comfort in maintaining the lie.

“You’ve got a nice little game of semantics going on in that pretty little head of yours.” Marty tapped his temple with his index finger for emphasis. “But you should know, omission, lying - it all feels the same to Ryan.” Marty was trying to keep his irritation with his friend out of his voice. The last thing he needed was for Leah to be both defensive and angry.

Leah frowned. “You were right. I never should have gotten involved with her.” Leah ran her palm over the cushion of the sofa, the memory of her and Ryan together sending a rush of heat to her face and stomach.

“As much as I like hearing you say I was right about something, I think you could have – and maybe still can – make this thing with Ryan work.” Marty got up from his chair, and closing the short distance between him and Leah, sat on the sofa next to her.

Leah looked over at Marty as he gently laid his hand on her knee. She appreciated his concern, but what he understood about her situation was based on empathy and stories. He couldn’t truly understand what she had gone through with Ryan’s family, and the immeasurable fear it left in her heart.

“In my defense, the fact I managed to get into it at all with Ryan once she told me Lucy was in town is nothing short of a miracle.” Leah chewed nervously on the inside of her lower lip. “I can only imagine what crazy that woman is selling.”

Marty leaned back, an exasperated sigh escaping him. “So it’s Lucy’s fault you’re omitting with someone you care about?”

“Maybe.” Leah answered quickly.

Marty turned so he was facing Leah. “Why don’t you fight for this? Why don’t you tell her everything?”

“And risk losing even more in the process?” Leah’s tone was a mix of accusation and dread.

“You said it yourself, Ryan isn’t Karen.” Marty took Leah’s hand in his.

Leah laid her head back on the sofa. “Maybe I was wrong. I mean look at how quickly she doubted me just based on whatever nonsense Lucy spouted.”

“She doubted you because she knows you’re lying about something. I remember when we first met and you hadn’t told me about your family or your history. I got to a point with you that I assumed you were lying to me about any number of things. It’s a cancer, Leah, that can’t be isolated to one thing, no matter how badly you want it to be.”

Leah’s eyes filled with tears. “You know what happened before, you know what I lost.”

Marty wrapped his arm around Leah’s shoulders and pulled her to him. “I do know, but only because you trusted me enough to tell me the truth.”

Leah laid her head on Marty’s shoulder. “I’ve already lost so much, Marty.”

Marty pulled Leah closer. “So has Ryan. She lost her mother – twice.”

***

Leah’s house was set off the main road that wound through Oella, Maryland. The historic town was a few miles outside Ellicott City, and had been founded near the turn of the nineteenth century by mill workers. The area was heavily wooded and hilly, lending to privacy even if your neighbor was only several hundred yards away.

It was shortly after sundown as Leah stepped onto the covered patio of her house. Her conversation with Marty had eventually dissolved into a series of worst and best case scenarios, and Leah was no closer to deciding what to do about Ryan and her than she had been before.

Leah frowned as she turned the key in her front door. She didn’t hear the click of the deadbolt, and she was certain she had locked the door when she left for the shop that morning.

Opening the door, Leah realized one of the lamps in the living room was on, something she knew she hadn’t done. The faint scent of jasmine and vanilla filled the room.

“Come in, Leah. After so many years, to see you twice in as many months - what a treat.” Lucy was sitting in a leather recliner with her legs crossed. She was wearing a pair of black slacks, black Cole Haan heels, and a baby blue cashmere sweater. If not for the wicked sneer on her face, and the fact Leah knew the woman was diabolical, she might have found Lucy attractive.

Leah quickly took stock of the situation. Lucy’s son Andrew, who she had met at the funeral, was standing next to his mother with his hand resting on the back of the recliner. Lucy’s husband Derek stood motionless near the kitchen entrance. Leah thought to simply run, but knew eventually this scene with Lucy would have to unfold.

“I don’t recall asking to see you either time, Lucy, and certainly not in my home - uninvited.” Leah tossed her keys on the small wooden table next to the front door. “Leave.”

Lucy sighed. “But we have so much to catchup on, Leah.” The woman leaned forward. “For starters, I want you the hell away from my niece.”

Leah’s heart began racing in her chest. Their past told Leah that engaging in a full-on argument with Lucy wasn’t useful. “Fine. Done.”

Lucy leaned back in the chair. “Done? You always were good at throwing people away.”

Leah’s shoulders drooped as she shut the front door, walked to the sofa, and sat down. “I’ve never thrown anyone away, Lucy. Karen and I -”

“Don’t you speak her name!” Lucy jabbed at the air with her finger. “You don’t get to do that!”

Leah’s posture stiffened as the other woman became incensed. The two men seemed unfazed by the outburst, as they both continued to stand perfectly still. “Okay - your sister and I were friends, and then –”

Before Leah could complete her thought, Lucy looked up at Andrew and nodded. The heavy set man took several quick steps toward Leah, grabbed her by the arm, and pulled her to her feet before wrapping his meaty arm around the front of her throat.

Leah gasped, and pulled at the man’s arm. “What are you doing?!”

A split second later Leah felt the man behind her heave. A second after that and his arm loosened from around her neck as a series violent sneezes burst forth from Andrew.

“Fuck!” Andrew managed as he flung Leah back on the sofa, and covered his mouth.

“Goddamnit!” Lucy gestured to her husband as she sprang from the chair. “Grab her!”

A vise-like grip wrapped around Leah’s neck as she was once again pulled up from the sofa. Derek spun her around to face Lucy, pulling her tightly against him as he wrapped one arm around her throat and the other around her waist.

“Get out of here if you can’t manage!” Lucy seethed as she hit her still sneezing son over the head with her open hand.

“For fuck’s sake, son, get out!” Derek bellowed, the sound causing Leah’s ears to ring.

Stumbling to the front door, Andrew’s sneezing subsided somewhat. “I can’t help it if I’m allergic to that bitch!” He threw open the front door, and stomped out, the walls of the house rattling as he slammed the door behind him.

The only sound in the house now was Leah’s breathing as she forced herself not to cry, not to give Lucy the satisfaction.

“Those tells my family have can be brutal.” Lucy smiled broadly, her perfectly white teeth seemingly iridescent in the dim light of the living room. Tapping her chin with her finger, she took a step toward Leah. “My sister had a tell. Do you remember what it was?”

In spite of her efforts, a single tear trickled down Leah’s cheek. “Yes.”

Lucy nodded, her eyes shifting to Derek. “Can you imagine something as refined as a biological warning about this – thing – being misinterpreted as literally getting hot and bothered?” Lucy snarled at Leah.

Derek shook his head, the stubble of a day’s worth of beard growth rubbing against Leah’s neck. “Disgusting.”

Lucy clasped her hands together. “So, you and I know exactly why your comingling with my family cannot be tolerated.” As she spoke, a single drop of blood ran from her right nostril. Pulling a white handkerchief from her front pocket, Lucy dabbed at the blood. “Speaking of warnings.”

Leah’s eyes widened. “Lucy, I told you, Ryan and I are done.” Saying the words made Leah’s stomach sour.

Pursing her lips, Lucy shook her head, the blood running steadily from nose. “Somehow I don’t believe you.” She stepped back from Leah. “Let’s take stock of what we know, shall we?” Lucy sat back down in the recliner, the distance between her and Leah causing the stream of blood to lessen. “Ryan is beautiful, smart, and in spite of her tendencies – or perhaps because of them – is quite a catch.”

Leah set her jaw, forcing confidence into her voice. “Do you really think I could ever be attracted to another Myers woman after what you and your sister did?!” Leah strained against Derek’s arm.

Lucy’s expression flattened as did her voice. “The only thing Karen did wrong was lusting after you, and thinking generations of legacy and sacrifice could be forgotten.” Lucy pushed herself up out of the chair and walked to Leah. She brought her face to within a few inches from Leah’s, and blood began streaming from her nose, over her mouth, and onto the floor. “Father corrected her.”

Leah tried to shift, her right shoulder and throat aching from the crushing pressure of Derek’s grip. “Ryan and I are friends. Nothing more.” She forced the last part out, her heart breaking from the denial of her feelings for Ryan.

Lucy pulled her head back, a shocked expression on her face. “Then you don’t even know that you’ve done it again.”

“Done what again?” Leah squirmed.

“You’ve bewitched another Myers woman. I assume you’re in need of money.”

“You’re wrong. Ryan and I are just friends, and she knows that.” Leah struggled to keep the pleading out of her voice.

“I’ll tell you what, Leah, you stay away from Ryan and I won’t tell her about the absolute filth you come from, or the filth that you are.” Lucy took a deep breath in through her mouth as she looked up at the ceiling. “But, if you keep seeing her - friend or otherwise - you’ll be forcing me to correct her in much the same way my father corrected Karen.”

There was such venom in Lucy’s voice and rage in her eyes. Leah thought in that moment Lucy would kill her, or worse, that she truly meant to harm Ryan. Then the scowl on Lucy’s face turned into a twisted, perverse version of a smile as the flow of blood from her nose continued.

“Regardless, I’ll have you killed.” Lucy’s full lips were pulled back in a semi-snarl, the blood from her nose running downward, staining her perfectly white teeth a pinkish red as she spoke.

Leah felt the pressure of Derek’s arm tighten around her throat. The man smelled of stale liquor, nutmeg, and cardamom. Leah’s heart pounded in her ears, and the surge of blood drove shards of electricity into her hands.

Spreading her fingers wide, Leah laid her right hand across Derek’s forearm. The coarse texture of his skin and arm hair set off a tingling sensation in Leah’s palm as she closed her eyes, allowing the electricity to shoot out of her hand.

“Fuck!” Derek flung Leah to the floor as he grabbed his arm. “The bitch burned me!” The imprint of Leah’s hand had left the man’s skin red, swollen, and blistered. Using the bottom of his foot, he kicked Leah in the hip, sending her tumbling against the front of the sofa. “Cunt!”

A sharp pain, followed by a dull ache, radiated out from Leah’s hip. Grabbing the injured area, she quickly got to her feet. Derek now stood next to Lucy, his arm clutched to his chest.

Leah held her hand out in front of her, her body trembling as she forced air into her lungs. “Just leave, Lucy, and that’s all this has to be.”

Lucy and Derek stood shoulder to shoulder near the front door. Lucy held the now blood soaked handkerchief in her clenched fist, wiping at her face before speaking. “I miss the days of burning your kind at the stake. For generations we have settled for financial ruin and ostracization of your whorish ancestors - but know this, if you don’t leave Ryan alone, I will personally gut you and put your head on a pike in my parlor.”

Leah wanted this woman out of her house. The anger and frustration she had been managing throughout their exchange came surging to the surface. Leah focused her attention on the glistening blood that still clung to Lucy’s nose and lips.

“Get out!” Leah shrieked. A split second later, Lucy’s nose, upper lip, and chin were cocooned in a thin layer of ice, leaving the skin underneath swollen and red.

Lucy scratched at the ice with her manicured nails. She cried out in pain as she pulled the icy, red substance away, a layer of skin coming with it.

Covering her mouth with her hand, she backed toward the front door. “End it with Ryan, or this was just a warm-up, Leah!” Derek opened the door, and the two disappeared into the night.

Leah rushed toward the door and slammed it shut, locking the deadbolt and securing the chain. Moments later, Leah heard a car’s engine revving in the distance, and then the night fell silent.

Collapsing onto the sofa, Leah began to sob. She placed her hand over her swollen throat in an effort to soothe the burning sensation. Laying her head back on the coach, she grabbed for the box of tissues that sat on the end table to her left.

Jesus Christ, she’s insane and homicidal. Leah wondered if she shouldn’t call Ryan, but then what would she tell her? The truth was abhorrent. Leah had no intention of being the one to out Ryan’s family to her, and in the process bring to light her own history.

Leah tried desperately to convince herself that she could just let Ryan go. After all, they had fought at St. Martin’s, and that could just be the end of it. The oppressive and violent weight of Derek restraining her paled in comparison to the suffocating feeling she had when thinking about pushing Ryan away.

In the end though, she couldn’t put Ryan in danger. Leah had no way of knowing how many of Lucy’s threats were empty. But if Ryan’s safety was dependent on them not being in each other’s lives, then Leah saw only one choice.

Chapter 13

“Hi, Marty.” Ryan’s smile was forced and nervous as she closed the bookshop’s door behind her. There were several patrons standing among the rows of books, but she didn’t see Leah.

Marty was leaning on the wooden counter next to the register. “Hi, Ryan. How have you been?”

Ryan assumed, given Leah’s affection for Marty, that she had told her friend about their argument. Ryan hoped Marty wasn’t as hostile toward her as no doubt Leah was.

“I’m doing well. How have you been?”

Marty offered Ryan a genuine smile, and stepped out from behind the counter. “I think I’m doing a lot better than you.”

Ryan looked down, her courage faltering. “No doubt.” She glanced toward the back of the shop. “Is she here?”

“She isn’t.” Marty said plainly.

Ryan waited, hoping the man would divulge Leah’s whereabouts. After several awkward seconds Ryan cleared her throat. “She isn’t answering her phone. Do you know where she is?”

Marty sighed deeply. “Ryan, I don’t want to get in the middle of this, but I’ve known Leah for a long time, and she’s really struggling right now.”

Ryan stepped forward eagerly, seeing an opportunity to start setting things right. “I know. The exchange at the church was just – well, shitty. That’s why I need to talk to her.”

Marty shook his head and stepped back around the counter. “I shouldn’t get in the middle of it.”

Ryan clutched the edge of the counter, her arms tensing. “Marty, please. I – I really care for Leah and I can’t have it end like this.”

Marty’s eyes narrowed as he considered what Ryan said. “Lord, she’s going to kill me, but I believe you.” He pulled a scrap of paper from a drawer next to him, and began writing out Leah’s address. “She’s taken a few days. Here is her home address.” He handed Ryan the paper.

Glancing at the paper, she smiled and reached for Marty’s hand. “Thank you.”

Marty huffed. “Don’t thank me yet. You still have to deal with her.”

Ryan turned and hurried from the shop. Marty glanced down at the cordless phone that lay on the counter next to him. He knew the right thing to do would be to give Leah advance notice that Ryan was coming over. Marty decided his friend needed a little jarring.

***

Ryan stood on the small covered patio outside Leah’s house. Her palms were sweating.

Leah answered the door in her bare feet. She was wearing a pair of faded Levis and a black V-neck t-shirt. “Ryan?”

Ryan swallowed the lump in her throat. Her nerves were threatening to get the better of her. “Hey, can I come in?”

Leah hesitated, and then nodded. “Okay.”

Ryan stepped through the door, and closed it behind her. “What happened?” Instinctively, Ryan reached for the red swollen mark across Leah’s neck. Its edges were a faint black and blue.

Leah stepped away, and covering the mark with her hand, shrugged. “Minor fender bender. The seatbelt did more damage than anything.”

Ryan forced her hands to her side. The need to touch and comfort Leah was nearly overwhelming. “Was the other guy okay?”

Leah looked surprised by the question, her eyes widening. “The other guy? Oh, yes. He was fine. Just a little mistiming at a stop light near Catonsville, and the guy rear-ended me.”

Ryan nodded, unsure what to do with the fact she didn’t altogether believe Leah. “That’s good.”

Leah stood with her hands behind her back, her eyes moving nervously around the room. “Would you like some tea?”

“That would be great.” Ryan decided to make herself at home, and sat on the overstuffed sofa that took up nearly the entire back wall of Leah’s living room. The brown fabric was similar to corduroy, and in spite of the unease between her and Leah, Ryan felt oddly cozy as she sank down into it.

Ryan scanned the room. The house was more akin to a small cabin. The walls, ceiling, and floors were light walnut, with dark maple trim throughout the space. The ceiling was low, and the walls adorned with a variety of primitive style paintings of the region and what looked like antique quilts and tapestries.

The furnishings consisted of the sofa, several country style tables, and a worn leather recliner. Where there weren’t wall coverings, built in bookcases lined the walls, each overflowing. Adjacent to the living room was the walkway through to the kitchen. As Leah walked back into the living room, Ryan could see behind her granite counter tops and dark maple cabinets littered with decorative spice and oil bottles.

“You weren’t kidding about the books.” Ryan commented as she took the mug of tea from Leah.

Leah frowned. “How do you mean?”

Ryan looked at one of the bookcases. “The first time we met you assured me your house was – how did you say it – bursting at the seams with real books.”

“Oh, that.” Leah seemed uninterested in the conversation, and Ryan was struggling to strike the right tone.

“Anyway, I like your house.” Ryan managed to smile even though she felt like she was suffocating from the tension in the room.

“Thanks.” Leah sat in the recliner across from the Ryan. “I bought it about four years ago. It needed some work, but that allowed me to personalize it more than I could have a newer home.” Leah took a tentative sip of her own tea.

Ryan squelched the stab of disappointment that ran through her when Leah chose not to sit next to her. She felt as if she were trapped in the longest, most awkward silence of her life, and was fumbling to find her way out of it.

“Ryan, why are you here?” Leah’s tone wasn’t accusatory, but in its flatness, triggered a new wave of nervousness for Ryan.

Willing herself to take a deep breath before speaking, Ryan leaned forward and placed her mug of tea on the coffee table. Sitting back, Ryan crossed her legs as she plucked nervously at her thumb nail with her index finger.

“We parted on bad terms at the convent, and I don’t want that.” Ryan forced herself to look directly at Leah.

“The parting or the bad terms?” Leah asked.

Ryan’s brow arched. She hadn’t expected the quip, and was having difficulty reading Leah. “Both.”

Leah nodded, and sat her tea down on the table next to the recliner. “I don’t want to be on bad terms with you either, but I do feel the parting is for the best.”

Ryan’s chest tightened, and she felt a faint sense of nausea roll over her, the tea souring in her stomach. Besides what Leah was saying, how she was saying it, flat and flawless, was pushing Ryan toward full-on despair.

Feeling her courage falter, Ryan slid to the edge of the couch. “Then we’re good otherwise?”

Leah opened her mouth as if to speak, but then only nodded.

The two women looked at each other, the sound of a ticking clock somewhere in the house the only thing Ryan could hear. She was utterly bewildered by what was happening. Ryan had imagined a bang and a boom of dialogue. Leah and her talking through what had happened, what must happen. Instead there was this whimper.

“I’m going to go then.” Ryan stood. “Thank you for the tea.”

Leah stood and stepped toward the door. “Thank you for coming over. I’m glad we had some closure.”

Ryan took a tentative step forward and then stopped, a frown having spread across her lips. “Closure?”

Leah nodded. “Yes. I’m happy we didn’t leave it on bad terms.”

A series of clicking sounds echoed in Ryan’s head as a surge of adrenaline shot up her neck, causing her cheeks to flush. “I don’t want to leave it at all!”

Leah’s eyes widened at Ryan’s declaration. “Ryan, we agreed -”

Fervently shaking her head back and forth, Ryan squared her shoulders. “No. This is wrong! This isn’t what I want, and I don’t think it’s what you want either!”

“Ryan, it’s fine. Please.” Leah’s calm demeanor faltered as her tone became pleading. “I need you - I need you to leave.”

Ryan noticed that in spite of the words coming out of Leah’s mouth, the woman had actually moved away from the front door, and was now standing only a few feet from Ryan. Having come through the last moments of despair, Ryan felt elated as a new found courage drove her forward.

“I won’t - I can’t just leave you. You’re not someone I can just forget about.” Ryan closed the space between her and Leah. She took the woman’s hands in hers.

Leah’s eyes brimmed with tears. “Leave. I don’t want you here.” Her voice cracked as she pulled her hands free of Ryan’s.

In a moment of clarity, Ryan knew she needed to say what had been sitting in the center of her chest for the better part of a month. She could take back most anything she said or did, but if she left this house without saying anything, she knew it would be one of those rare mistakes that are built to last.

“I love you.” Ryan was surprised how calm she sounded in spite of the emotional roller coaster her insides were on. “I’ve never said that to anyone, and I’m not telling you that to somehow burden you.” Ryan took a tentative step toward a stunned Leah. “I want you to know there have been people in the past that I could have said it to, and not really meant it. I’m completely joyful that I didn’t, and now it matters more because you’re the first person I’ve said it to.”

Leah took a deep breath, but didn’t speak. Ryan felt the jarring of Leah’s silence through her entire body. They had hit some obstructed crossroads in their relationship, and the past was impeding their way forward. “I’m going to leave now.”

Leah turned her head quickly, her eyes focused on Ryan’s. “I love you, too.” Leah grasped Ryan’s hand, and entwining her fingers with Ryan’s, took another deep breath. “You’re not the first person I’ve ever said that to, but it’s been a very long time since I felt like saying it.”

Ryan’s head was spinning with the revelation that Leah was in love with her. She studied their hands, and how seamlessly they fit together. “I still have questions, but right now I am all full up with the talking.”

Ryan pulled Leah to her. The heat of Leah’s skin enveloped her as she pressed her lips to Leah’s. Ryan felt the floor beneath her shift slightly at the first touch of Leah’s tongue to hers. Grabbing Leah by the shoulders, Ryan pushed her back onto the sofa.

Leaning back, Ryan looked down at Leah. Both women were panting slightly, out of breath. A few skittering heartbeats later and Leah cupped the back of Ryan’s neck and pulled her forward. The intensity of the kiss evoked a low moan from Ryan as she shifted between Leah’s legs.

Ryan ran her hand under the hem of Leah’s shirt, clutching her waist before Ryan’s hand roamed down to her hip. Leah flinched and Ryan pulled her hand back. “What’s wrong?”

Leah shifted, and pulled Ryan back to her. “Bruise from the accident. Don’t stop.”

Ryan quickly removed her hand from Leah’s hip and ran it up the flat plains of her stomach and along the side of Leah’s firm round breast. Then Ryan ran her palm over the silky material of Leah’s bra, her hardened nipple tickling her hand.

Leah simultaneously ran her hands under the back of Ryan’s shirt, her nails lightly scratching at Ryan’s heated skin. Ryan pressed down into Leah. She felt like any space between her and Leah was too much, and she imagined herself disappearing inside Leah.

Ryan pulled back from Leah long enough to unbutton and remove Leah’s jeans. Tossing them on the floor, she then cupped Leah hard through her underwear, causing Leah to gasp as she raised her hips to meet Ryan’s hand.

Ryan felt as if her skin was on fire. Everywhere she touched Leah, shards of heat splintered through her body. Ryan quickly pulled her shirt off, and removed her bra. The haze of lust and longing she saw in Leah’s eyes brought a smile to Ryan’s lips. To know she gave Leah pleasure gave Ryan pleasure.

Kneeling between Leah’s legs, Ryan pulled her white silk panties down to her knees, and then running her hands up Leah’s toned calf, liberated one of her legs from the undergarment. Spreading Leah’s legs wider, Ryan bent over and ran her tongue along the inside of Leah’s thigh. The scent of vanilla wafted over her.

Ryan flattened her hands across the tops of Leah’s thighs, slowly running them along the smooth skin. Opening her mouth, Ryan kissed and licked the soft skin where Leah’s thigh and hip met. She was careful to avoid the bruise near the back of Leah’s hip. “You taste amazing.” Leah entwined her fingers in Ryan’s brown locks, pushing her further into her.

Ryan ran her left hand up Leah’s torso, pushing her bra up. Ryan rubbed and massaged Leah’s breast as she slid two fingers into her.

Leah cried out, her breath catching at the back of her throat. She grabbed and clutched at Ryan’s bare shoulders. Not waiting, Ryan began thrusting the entire length of her fingers into Leah, reveling in how tight and wet she was.

After catching her breath from Ryan’s initial onslaught, Leah began moving her hips in unison with Ryan. “Harder.” Leah panted.

Ryan added a third finger, while squeezing and tweaking Leah’s hardened nipple with her other hand as she felt her tightening around her fingers. Leah’s scent, movement, even the sounds she made, were intoxicating to Ryan. Each second she spent inside Leah was wrecking her through to her core.

Ryan slowly pulled her fingers from Leah, needing the intensity and closeness of this moment to last. Ryan began unbuttoning her jeans, her hands trembling. She was grateful when Leah reached up and finished removing the garment for her. She tossed them and Ryan’s underwear to the floor.

Leah lifted her left leg so it rested along the back of the sofa, and splayed her hands along either side of Ryan’s hips, guiding her down until their clits touched. The contact sent an intense spark of electricity and heat shooting through Ryan, her eyes slamming shut as she cried out.

Leah’s hips undulated, her breath coming in sharp pants. Taking Ryan’s face in between her hands, Leah’s green eyes held Ryan’s blue ones for seconds before she pulled Ryan down, crushing their mouths together in a torrent of desperate kisses.

Ryan clung to Leah as they moved in unison, a thin film of sweat covering her body as shots of heat continued to pulsate through her. Ryan pulled Leah’s leg down from the back of the sofa, holding it against her hip. Both women moaned as Ryan pushed down harder into Leah. Grabbing Ryan’s wrist, Leah’s eyes pleaded as she guided the younger woman’s hand downward.

Ryan shifted to the side. Sliding two fingers into Leah, Ryan gasped as she buried her face in the side of Leah’s neck, elation cascading over her, her body trembling with it.

Leah wrapped her arms around Ryan’s shoulders, and squeezed her legs around Ryan’s hips, the swirling inside her growing as she rushed toward climax. “Ryan, god!”

Gasping for breath, Leah clutched Ryan against her as her body shook. Ryan lifted her head as she slipped her fingers from Leah. Beads of sweat were causing Ryan’s hair to cling to her forehead, and Leah gently brushed the stray strands to the side before finding Ryan’s lips again.

“You’re burning up.” Leah’s breath was hot against Ryan’s face as she spoke, a hint of worry in her tone.

Ryan shook her head. “I’m okay.” Her voice caught, and her body involuntarily shuddered.

Leah cupped Ryan’s flushed cheek with her hand, and a cooling sensation spreading down Ryan’s neck as Leah pulled her toward her. Placing a series of light kisses along Ryan’s chin and jawline, Leah slowly shifted to the side until Ryan was on her stomach next to her.

Leah’s cool lips found the back of Ryan’s neck. She licked and sucked at the supple skin while she slowly ran her fingers along the curve of Ryan’s back. Kneeling between Ryan’s legs, Leah ran the backs of her hands from Ryan’s shoulders to the small of her back. The coolness of her hands was doing little to squelch the exquisite burning that blanketed Ryan’s body.

Leah placed her hands on either side of Ryan’s hips and pulled her up onto all fours. Pushing Ryan’s bent knees apart, Leah reached forward and began running her finger in small circles around Ryan’s clit. A sharp hiss escaped Ryan as she clutched the arm of the sofa. Her body was taut with the intense pleasure coming from Leah’s touch that was branching out through her entire body.

Leah leaned forward, her bare breasts pressing against Ryan’s back as she increased the pressure and movement of her finger. Reaching around Ryan, Leah grasped Ryan’s firm breast with her other hand, and began to slowly rub the hardened nipple with her palm.

Ryan gasped and, barely able to stay upright, clutched the sofa. She pushed back against Leah just as an incredible shock of heat surged through her. Crying out, Ryan felt as if she were melting from the inside out as her orgasm surged through her.

Seconds later, Ryan collapsed on the sofa, Leah curled up behind her, gently kissing Ryan’s ear. “I love you.” Leah whispered.

Ryan turned so she was facing Leah. The woman’s face was flush, and Ryan gently stroked her cheek, then traced her lips with the tip of her finger. “I love you.”

A mischievous glint shot across Leah’s light green eyes, and Ryan couldn’t help but smile. “What are you thinking?”

Leah pinched her lower lip between her teeth. “I’m thinking there’s more room in the bed.”

Ryan chuckled. “I’m game, but I need to hydrate first.”

***

Ryan awoke to the sound of rain. Slowly opening her eyes, it took her a few seconds to remember where she was. Turning her head, she smiled to see Leah lying on her stomach next to her. The sheet was pulled down to the tops of her thighs, providing Ryan a view of her shapely backside.

Leah’s bedroom had the same rustic feel as the rest of the house. The light walnut floor was covered with several dark blue and burgundy area rugs. The queen size bed was a black wrought iron frame, the bedding a goose down mattress topper covered in navy flannel sheets that reminded Ryan of a comfortable pair of pajamas.

The bedroom was dimly lit. Its only window was covered with burgundy curtains, making it difficult for Ryan to tell what time it was. Craning her head around, Ryan’s eyes brought the small digital clock on Leah’s nightstand into focus. It was seven thirty in the morning. Turning on her side, Ryan contemplated whether to wake Leah or let her sleep. They had been awake until well after midnight, and Ryan wasn’t sure she wanted to get up at this point herself.

“Are you staring at me?” Leah’s eyes were closed, but a wicked grin was on her full lips.

Ryan leaned over and kissed Leah’s bare shoulder. “Yeah, you’ve drooled everywhere.”

“Liar. I’m way too classy for that.” Leah opened her eyes, and smiled. “Good morning.”

Ryan tucked a loose strand of blonde hair behind Leah’s ear. “Morning.”

Leah rolled over onto her back. The sight of her bare breasts caused Ryan’s heart to race. Ryan had been with incredible lovers over the years, but what she and Leah shared was somehow exponentially more intense. The mere sight of the woman made Ryan’s head spin.

“Now I know you’re staring.” Leah stretched her arms over her head and yawned. “I need coffee, but I don’t want to leave you.” She scooted toward Ryan, and curled up next to her, resting her head in the crook of Ryan’s arm.

Ryan kissed Leah’s forehead, and draped her arm over her shoulder, pulling her closer. “It’s settled - bed day!”

Leah moaned. “You have no idea how badly I want that, but I have to work.”

Ryan leaned back, and looked incredulously at the woman in her arms. “It’s Sunday. Don’t you own the place?”

Sighing, Leah lifted her head so she could look directly at Ryan. “You would think that afforded me some leniency, but Marty is a slave driver.” She rested her hand in the nook of Ryan’s neck. “I have inventory, and I need to prep several orders to go out tomorrow for auction.”

Ryan was disappointed, but the euphoria from the night before and the reality of lying with Leah, naked in her bed, maintained Ryan’s good mood.

“I can’t believe you’re really here.” Ryan took Leah’s hand in hers, kissing her palm.

“It’s my house, Ryan.” Leah said seriously, but she couldn’t hide the amused expression on her face.

Ryan slowly leaned in, her eyes devouring every detail of Leah’s face, from the contours of her high cheek bones, the definition of her jaw, and the piercing green of her eyes. Ryan tentatively touched her lips to Leah’s, a quiet sigh escaping her as the now familiar shock of heat Leah elicited in her shot across her lips.

“You get me incredibly hot.” Ryan muttered against Leah’s lips.

“I nearly passed out twice last night.” Leah grinned.

Ryan opened her eyes. “Really?”

Leah blushed. “Really.”

“Then I don’t feel so silly telling you that every time I’m near you - and dear lord, every time you touch me - I feel like I’m under a torrent of warm water.” Ryan kissed Leah full-on the lips. “It’s - you’re - amazing!”

Leah grinned, but her expression was one of worry. Ryan frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Shaking her head, Leah pulled Ryan to her. “Nothing.” She kissed Ryan, her hand cupping the back of her neck, pulling Ryan more fully into the moment and into her. “I love you.”

Ryan knew she would never tire of hearing those words from Leah. “I love you, too.”

Leah rolled over and looked at the clock. “If I get going now, I could be back by noon.” She turned to Ryan, cupping the younger woman’s cheek in her hand. “Can you wait?”

Ryan contemplated. “Why don’t I head home? Are you willing to drive in - we can do lunch or dinner?”

Leah grinned. “Yes.”

“Lunch or dinner?”

Leah kissed Ryan’s cheek. “Both.”

Nearly an hour and a half later, having had casual kissing and cuddling escalate to sex, Ryan and Leah stood at the front door. Ryan’s arms were wrapped around Leah’s waist. “I’ll see you around one?”

Leah shook her head, an embarrassed expression on her face. “That was when we thought we were getting up at seven thirty. It’s almost eleven.” Leah winced. “So, more like four-ish.”

Not wanting to pout, Ryan put on a brave front, even though she loathed the idea of being apart from Leah. “Okay. I can’t wait.”

Reluctantly the two women parted, and Ryan walked slowly back to her car. Unlocking the Honda’s driver’s door, she glanced over at Leah’s Nissan. Frowning, Ryan looked at the house, and then back at the car.

Trying not to be too conspicuous in case Leah was watching her leave, Ryan slowly walked toward the hatchback of the station wagon. Ryan bent over and pretended like she was looking for something in the back of her car. While she hunched down, she quickly looked over at the back of the Nissan. There was no sign of a collision.

Her initial suspicions about Leah’s reason for the bruises on her neck and hip came back to Ryan. Brows furrowed, Ryan walked back around and got into her car. She couldn’t imagine why Leah would lie to her.

Maybe it was something silly and she was embarrassed to say that? Ryan reasoned. But her tone didn’t seem awkward or embarrassed. Ryan started the car. It seemed secretive.

Putting the car into reverse, Ryan navigated out of Leah’s driveway and onto the narrow two-lane road leading back toward the main highway. Just ask her later today, I’m sure she’ll come clean, and it’s probably nothing.

In spite of her efforts to convince herself otherwise, Ryan drove toward Baltimore feeling somewhat less certain about Leah and her. That realization alone weighed heavy on her, and she hated that she was suspicious of someone she felt so close to. The contradiction made the feeling of despair Ryan experienced the previous afternoon flare up. Once again, some of the questions she had pushed to the back of her mind stepped forward.

Chapter 14

Ryan walked across Fleet Street in Canton, and into Bad Decisions. The bar was a quintessential neighborhood dive bar, but the drink menu was eclectic and fairly priced.

“I’m on my second Mitch Morgan, friend. One more and you’ll be carrying me home.” Nicole slid off her barstool and hugged Ryan.

Ryan looked at the nearly empty shot glass with a large piece of thickly cut bacon garnishing it. “What the hell is that?”

Nicole gestured to the female bartender as she and Ryan took their seats. “Maker’s Mark and bacon.”

Ryan wrinkled her nose. “I hope you didn’t just order me one.”

“Live a little, Myers.” Nicole downed the last of her bourbon and took a bite from the bacon. “I was hesitant myself, but Greg suggested it, and I thought why not. This place is known for its bacon nights.”

Ryan arched her brow. “Greg? Since when are you taking advice from a would-be stalker?”

Nicole blushed as she crunched on another bite of bacon. “That’s why I was texting you like a mad woman last night, but crickets was all I got from you.”

The bartender slid two shot glasses in front of Nicole and Ryan. “Same tab?”

Nicole nodded, and lifted her glass, frowning as Ryan looked suspiciously at hers. “Don’t leave me hangin’. Cheers!”

Ryan took a sip of the bourbon and then quickly chased it with a generous bite of bacon. She was surprised at how well the wood undertones of the bourbon complimented the saltiness of the bacon, but she couldn’t imagine making this her go-to drink. “This doesn’t suck.” She took another bite of bacon. “What are we toasting, and why the ADD texting?”

Nicole threw back the remainder of her drink, not bothering with the bacon chaser. “Greg and I are dating.” Ryan nearly choked as a sliver of salty bacon hit the back of her throat. Nicole quickly patted her friend on the back.

“Are you serious?” Ryan managed as her eyes began to water.

“Don’t make a thing out of it. We’ve just been talking the last few days, and thought we would give it a go.”

Ryan finished the last of her bourbon, more to squelch the tickling in her throat than out of actual enjoyment. “Well, I’m happy for you.” Ryan’s eyes narrowed as she considered Nicole. “You’ll forgive my bluntness, but you’ve never shat where you ate before – so –”

Nicole held her hand up. “I know. We’re taking it slow so if it doesn’t work out it won’t turn into a complete nightmare.”

Ryan shook her head. “It would anyway, but at least you both know that.”

Nicole waved the bartender over. “Another round.”

“Wait.” Ryan interrupted. “Can I just get a Natty Boh, please?”

The bartender nodded, a faint smile on her lips. Ryan turned her attention back to Nicole who sat with a pouty expression on her face. “Coward.”

Ryan shrugged. “Turns out I don’t like to mix my pork products and booze.”

“So enough about me. Where were you last night?” Nicole asked.

Ryan wasn’t sure what she should say. She was inclined to tell her friend everything. The sordid details of her dinner with Lucy and Carol, the subsequent argument with Leah, their sleeping together, and the cascade of confusion Ryan had experienced that morning when she realized Leah had been lying about her car accident.

“Leah and I fought.” Ryan took a drink of her beer.

Nicole frowned. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“But then we made up.” Ryan smirked.

“Slut.” Nicole teased.

“But then things got weird.”

“Like weird, or exciting weird, or weird like –”

“Stop.” Ryan placed her hand over Nicole’s mouth before she could elaborate on her idea of shades of weird. “I think she’s not telling me something, and I can’t figure out if it’s just about her and my mother, or something more.”

Nicole pulled Ryan’s hand away. “Ask her.”

Ryan exhaled. “I have. What do you think the fight was about?”

Before Nicole could answer, her gaze shot past Ryan, her mouth turning upward into a broad smile. “Let’s ask a man’s opinion.” Nicole hopped off the barstool and wrapped her arms around Greg.

“Hey!” The man’s face lit up. “Sorry I’m late.”

Ryan smiled. Her two friends seemed genuinely happy with each other, even if she was still adjusting to the idea herself. “Sounds like your patience finally paid off.” Ryan patted Greg on the shoulder.

Nicole spun around. “Actually, we have your cousin to thank for this.”

Greg leaned in and kissed Nicole on the cheek. “Our friend here became a raging wreck when she thought I was going to start dating Carol.”

“I wouldn’t say raging, sweetie.” Nicole pulled Greg over to the barstool next to hers. “You were just so tragic, throwing yourself at her like that. I had to do something.”

Greg asked the bartender for a Mitch Morgan and water. “Is that why you threw yourself at me?” Greg leaned in and kissed Nicole full on the lips. In return, Nicole wrapped her arms around his neck.

Ryan cleared her throat. “Alrighty. So, I need to get going. Congratulations, and try not to get arrested for excessive PDA.”

Greg and Nicole both turned toward Ryan. “What? I just got here and you’re leaving.”

Ryan downed the last of her beer. “I’m exhausted.”

Nicole laid her head on Greg’s shoulder. “Ryan was busy having make-up sex last night with Leah.”

Greg smiled. “That’s awesome!”

Ryan shook her head as she put her empty beer glass on the bar. “Nice, Nic. Ah, I have to go. Thanks for the drinks.”

“Stay. We can go somewhere for an early dinner or late lunch.” Greg suggested.

“I’m going home – for a nap, and then I have plans with Leah.” Ryan shuffled around Nicole, and hugged Greg. “Bye.” She gave Nicole a quick kiss on the cheek, and walked out of the dimly lit bar into the brightness of the afternoon sun. She was grateful to have escaped without a barrage of questions about Leah from her friends.

***

2 May 1628

I stood huddled next to Coleen and Hester this morning on the banks of the Pemigewasset River. We had become one town, one people. Margery and Abigail were walked to the river. I had learned from Coleen that Goody Sebille had passed during the night, her soul now lost forever.

I confess, though, that I had a moment of sadness as the sisters, with eyes bloodshot from crying, neared the river’s edge. I could not help but pity the poor creatures for everything they lost, even if it was by their own sin.

It was Isaac who stepped forward, and I knew him well enough to see the nervousness he was trying to mask from our neighbors. I was proud that he was taking a more prominent role in the community, but saddened that it should come with such a heavy burden.

“On this, the second day of May in the year of our Lord sixteen hundred and twenty eight, we the people of Plymouth Colony stand in judgment of Margery Sarah Sebille and Abigail Lea Sebille. The women, of keen minds and unfettered hearts, have willingly and knowingly given their souls and services over to the devil. This was evidenced to, and so decided by, a jury of freeman and witnessed by the God fearing people of Plymouth.”

My heart grew heavy as Isaac pronounced the sentences. The women were to be bound and drowned. If they be truly of the devil, their dark master would find a way to save his servants and raise them from the river’s depths. If they be good Christian souls then they would sink, their bodies lost but their souls saved. I prayed for the latter!

It is difficult to put into words what happened next. I can only convey what my eyes saw, and know it to be true. Margery was the first of the sisters to be thrown into the cold waters of the river. I closed my eyes, my breath catching as I prayed she remain submerged and be the kindly woman I had always thought her to be.

Alas, it was not to be. For mere moments after she disappeared under the surface of the water, she rose above the lapping waves, hands and feet still bound, and stood just at the water’s surface. I reached for Coleen for fear I would swoon from sheer shock, but she was no longer beside me.

Scanning the crowd of people as they scattered to and fro, I spotted Coleen near the river bank. I can not say how she managed to clear such a wide distance in mere seconds, but she, along with Goodman Tynan, had grabbed Abigail around the shoulders and feet, their intent clear as they meant to throw her in the water.

Margery now stood on the far side of the river bank, no longer bound, her hands outstretched toward her sister. What I can only describe as two columns of water stabbed upward from the river, and then as if directed by Margery herself, were thrust forward with such force they knocked Goodman Tynan and Coleen to the ground.

I could see a faint glow coming from the ropes around Abigail, and within a blink of an eye, a flash of light engulfed her, and the ropes – now clearly singed – fell to the ground. Free of her restraints, Abigail waved her hands in front of her, and to my utter horror, flames from Hell’s fire shot from the ground.

Where the two columns of water had been, there was now an empty river bed as dams, unseen by my eyes, held the current at bay. Abigail ran across to Margery, and in a few heartbeats, the two women disappeared into the wooded area beyond the river.

In the confusion, I felt strong hands grasp me by the shoulders. Relief washed over me as Isaac pulled me to him. My legs failed me, and I felt the ground beneath me give way and begin to spin.

I woke near dusk, Coleen and Isaac sitting next to my bed. The look of worry on my poor husband’s face brought tears to my eyes.

“What happened?” My mouth felt dry, and my throat burned.

Isaac was the first to his feet. He clutched my hand to his chest, tears streaming from his eyes. “Wife, I thought you had left me.”

Coleen then stood. “I assured your husband you would be fine. Your heart is strong.” The woman smiled, and ran a cool damp cloth over my forehead. “And yes, your child is fine.” She laid a gentle hand on my swollen stomach, and I felt calm and reassured.

“Have they found Margery and Abigail?” I tried to lift my head, but the room began to pull away from me, and I quickly laid back down.

“No. The woods are dense, and they have ways to travel that are not of this world.” Isaac gently touched my shoulder. “Do not think on it. You need rest.”

Leaning over, my husband kissed my forehead, the warmth of his lips reassuring me we would survive whatever hardships may come as long as we had each other.

Coleen remained when Isaac left, and she sat down near the edge of the bed before taking my hand in hers. “It is time you know something.” Her tone was serious, and I immediately feared for my baby. “You’ve had a difficult time.” She glanced down at my stomach, her eyes full of genuine worry.

“It has not been an easy pregnancy.” I remembered the aching in my stomach, and the cramping. “Do not think me wicked, but the remedies Margery provided did ease the pain.”

Coleen’s brow arched, and a faint light moved across her blue eyes. “Was it the remedies, or her departure that provided you relief?”

It took a moment before I could bring into focus her question. My mind raced through my interactions with Margery. My heart ached as I recalled her laughter, and the warmth of her touch. Then I could see Coleen was correct. It was not that the teas and salves halted my pain, rather Margery leaving my home would seem now to be the reasonable cause for any relief I found.

“I can see from the look in your eyes you know what I suggest is true.” Coleen spoke softly. “This brings me to the crux of the matter. Isaac’s family is gifted –” Coleen looked up toward the heavens, her voice low and intimate as she spoke. “You understand, sanctified by the grace of God. Your ailments have not been simple pregnancy sickness, rather your unborn child’s revulsion at the very presence of a witch.”

I shook my head for I did not understand. Coleen smiled, and rubbed her cool hand in small circles across my stomach. “This child will recognize the devil long before your eyes can detect the malice. With that foresight, your children, and their children, will strike down with furious vengeance the very evil you witnessed today.”

I do not recall ever feeling so utterly afraid. The words she spoke, more importantly what they meant, caused my heart to pound and my breath to come in short, strained bursts.

“Shh, Remembrance. This is not something to fear, but rather rejoice in.” Coleen ran her hand over my forehead, absently she tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “Isaac has been awakened to this truth as well, and he has accepted his destiny. He is resolved to take what he must and do what he can to ensure the survival of his bloodlines and this blessed gift.”

I could sense by her unyielding gaze that she anticipated a response. I knew she wanted me to accept her words and pledge to uphold the causes she alluded to. I am ashamed to say I hesitated in accepting this magnificent task. My fear of the unknown was that great.

It was only after Coleen left, resigning herself to having only introduced me to my fate if not altogether guided me down the necessary path, that Isaac returned to our bedroom.

“Do you believe what you have been told, husband?” I found my voice breaking as I held back tears.

Nodding, Isaac sat on the bed next to me. “I do, wife.”

Our eyes met, and I felt a certainty course through me that I had not thought possible beyond that of heaven. I placed my hand over my stomach, and Isaac covered it with his. There is evil in this world, and by God’s grace a chosen few have been empowered to end it. I feel fortunate to be among those few.

***

Entry by Isaac James Allerton

20 May 1628

My wife has died. Her brave soul has sought, and gained entry into, the everlasting kingdom of God. She went to be with our heavenly Father last evening, having died while giving birth to our daughter, Grace Remembrance Allerton. I cannot find an end to my grief!

The only solace I can take is in our family’s divine right and responsibility to ensure the sanctity of this community. I have come to know that we are not held to the same laws of most men, but rather, derive our guidance from God Himself. My daughter’s life, and her children’s lives, will stand as testimony to His will, and our legacy will be one of wrath and retribution against the unholy.

I have found allies in Goodman Tynan and his family. For we have already smote four wicked souls, casting them back to the fires of Hell. I have found additional allies in the court, and removed ownership and citizenship privileges from those who would provide aid or comfort to the wretches we seek.

We will continue to take from these wretches all their earthly possessions, and drive them from our sights. The bounty of their sins will be cleansed by the righteous, and used to fulfill our family’s purpose.

My wife will not have died in vain. My daughter will know her place, and the power she has to see these creatures for what they are will give her purpose. Most importantly, the generations of Allertons to come will forever be guided by His will, striking down wickedness from now until His kingdom comes.

***

Ryan laid the diary across her lap, her socked feet propped up on the glass coffee table in her living room. She had been too keyed up to nap, still thinking through how to broach the topic of the apparently nonexistent car accident with Leah.

Ryan had decided to settle in with the diary until Leah arrived. She glanced at her watch, it was nearly three, and Leah would be there in an hour. Ryan took a deep breath, and ran her hands through her hair.

The last pages of the diary had jarred Ryan. It was clear to her something had happened by that river nearly four hundred years ago. How much of it was real, versus how much was skewed by superstition and no real understanding of science, she would certainly never know.

Ryan had taken several American history courses during her undergraduate studies, and knew the witch hysteria had taken root early in the country. She seemed to remember things getting much worse once the Puritans settled the Massachusetts Bay Colony. Where her ancestors certainly didn’t want for religious fervor, the Puritans were outright zealots.

Throughout history there always seemed to be no shortage of an us-against-them mentality. She wondered how much of her ancestors’ self-righteous, self-appointed savior complex accounted for several of her current family members’ attitudes.

Ryan recalled her interaction with Lucy at The Richmond, and thought it made sense that her aunt would take offense at any interest Leah might show her, or might have shown Karen. Lucy had always been a snob, and with four hundred years of imagined and real history mingling, her aunt had no doubt convinced herself Leah wasn’t good enough for her sister.

Ryan put the diary on the table, and got up to get herself a bottled water. She felt sick with the knowledge that her family had made its start, and perpetuated its fortune, on the backs and lives of people less fortunate. No doubt, her ancestors had fully indulged in whatever moral outrage was sweeping the country if it afforded them the opportunity to take what they believed to be theirs through divine providence.

Ryan flopped back down on the sofa, which caused the diary to fall to the floor. Ryan reached to pick it up, and saw an additional entry after Isaac’s. Opening the book completely, the room spun slightly as Ryan immediately recognized her mother’s meticulous script.

***

Entry of Karen Remembrance Myers

March 10, 2015

Dearest Ryan,

I hardly know where to begin except to tell you I am so sorry for all the pain I’ve put you through. I was jealous of your spirit and your strong will. I wish I could be more like you.

I trust you have not skipped ahead, and are coming to my note at the end of Remembrance’s diary. It is important you know where you came from. In this case, I hope, so you can avoid the sins of our past. Our family’s legacy is one of blood, thievery and murder.

I did not know the extent of the Allerton, and ultimately, the Myers family crimes until I met a woman while still in high school. I can tell you I fell in love with her. I know you must think of me as a hypocrite considering how badly I behaved when you told me you are gay, but again, my anger was born of jealousy. I wanted the strength of your convictions.

I told Lucy about the woman. Your aunt feigned support and understanding, only to betray me by twisting my feelings and telling your grandfather the woman I loved was a whore and wretch.

It didn’t matter in the end. The woman didn’t love me.

Matters were further complicated as our family’s true history became known to me when Lucy confronted the woman about our relationship. To both Lucy’s horror and mine, one of the family “tells” you’ve read about manifested. Lucy began bleeding from her nose. It was then I realized the woman I loved was a witch and my family’s sworn enemy.

I began to resent her, and how I felt about her. I was ashamed of being in love with a woman, but more than that, I was disgusted at the notion of loving a witch. The truth was I couldn’t be honest about the fact the shame came from not having my love returned. The disgust, I only later came to realize, was born of ignorance. I doubted everything about myself, even that I had ever truly loved her.

Feeling I had no one else to turn to, I confided everything to Lucy, and I realized I too had been experiencing a tell since first meeting the woman. The warmth and comfort I felt when I was near her, or when she would touch me, were just my body reacting to what she was.

I had lost everything. My father wouldn’t speak to me, my sister, though superficially supportive, secretly judged my choices, and the one thing I had been certain of - being in love - was in doubt. The world as I had understood it was changed forever, and through the eyes of a sixteen year old, it seemed devastating.

I lashed out, and finding comfort in the familiarity of my family, joined Lucy in tormenting the woman I had otherwise loved and her family. Fueled by anger and resentment, I felt justified in taking up my family’s cause to end the witch’s bloodline.

I still don’t have the courage to tell you everything. Just know that killing a witch isn’t the worst thing you can do to her. I am not proud of what I did and the people’s lives I helped to destroy. My actions were born of fear, resentment, and embarrassment.

It has been twenty nine years and there are days I still feel like a child desperate for attention and understanding. I’m tired.

I know taking my own life may seem like a coward’s way out, but I have been so passive in that life for so long, this is the one time I will say what happens and when it happens.

I love you, and wish you all the happiness you deserve. Please understand.

Mom

***

A sob escaped Ryan as tears streamed down her face. She covered her mouth, her eyes unfocused as she shook her head. Ryan couldn’t reconcile the penitent tone of the letter with her mother. Karen had always been resolved and unyielding in her choices.

This can’t be true, someone is playing a cruel joke on me! The words bounced around inside Ryan’s head as she frantically flipped through the rest of the diary looking for something that would make what she had just discovered fit into the world she understood.

Ryan’s hand paused, trembling as it hovered over the last page in the diary. She stared, unblinking at the numbers scrawled in her mother’s meticulous hand. Her breath caught as she realized the numbers were Leah’s cell phone number.

Chapter 15

Ryan sat stiffly at her dining room table. After a small breakdown, she had managed to shower and get dressed. She glanced at her watch. It was four twenty, and just then there was a knock at the door.

Feeling like her feet were encased in concrete, Ryan forced herself forward. Flipping the deadbolt, she opened the door to find a smiling Leah standing on the stoop.

The smile was short lived when Leah looked at Ryan. “I said four-ish. Am I that late?”

Ryan couldn’t speak, so she simply shook her head, and stepped to the side so Leah could come in. After Ryan shut the door, Leah stepped toward the despondent woman, her arms outstretched.

“Don’t.” Ryan held her hand up, and stepped around a stunned Leah.

“Ryan? What’s going on?” Leah spoke softly, the concern in her voice apparent.

“You knew.” Ryan turned to face Leah, the tears flowing unchecked.

Leah reached for the distraught woman, but quickly thought better of the gesture as Ryan’s red, swollen eyes glared at her. “Knew what? I don’t know what you mean.”

Ryan turned and grabbed the diary off the dining room table, thrusting it at Leah. “My mother killed herself!”

Leah’s breath caught at the revelation, her eyes filling with tears. “God.”

Ryan blurted out. “Are you telling me she didn’t call you, she didn’t tell you?! Your fucking phone number is in the book right after her suicide note – addressed to me!” The anger and betrayal swirled inside Ryan, driving her rage. She had no recourse with her mother, but she would dole her wrath out to Leah in kind.

Leah opened the diary, her hands trembling as she turned the pages. “Ryan, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

Ryan shook her head, and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Bullshit! You talked to her before she died. The two of you hadn’t spoken in years. Then suddenly you hear from her, and the fact she was going to drown herself never came up?!”

Leah crossed the room, and sat down at the dining table. Laying the diary in front of her, she continued to read through it. “I’ve never actually seen this. I’ve just been told it existed.”

Ryan snatched the book out from in front of Leah. “I’m not talking about this damn book! I’m talking about –”

“I know what you’re asking me, Ryan!” Leah stood up. Her defenses had finally been triggered. “And I’m telling you I didn’t know Karen was going to kill herself.”

Ryan hesitated. Leah’s raised voice felt like a slap in the face. “But she did call you?” Ryan forced her voice low, and took several deep breaths as the rage from moments ago began to give way to her need to understand.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Leah let out a deep sigh. “Yes. And yes, it did seem odd, but we just talked.”

Ryan sat down in the chair across from Leah. Both women were looking intently at each other. Ryan spoke first. “You’re lying.” Leah averted her eyes. Ryan craned her head down, forcing Leah to make eye contact with her. “I want to know what the two of you talked about.”

Leah stood up, and walked toward the front door. “I think I should go.”

Something occurred to Ryan, and she stepped in front of Leah, the two women practically colliding into one another. “Wait.” Ryan placed her hand on Leah’s shoulder. “What did you mean when you said you had never actually seen the diary?” Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “Why would you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Leah stepped around Ryan.

“Jesus, why are you like this? Why all the unspoken, implied crap?” Ryan hurried around Leah, and stepped in front of her, effectively blocking her exit.

“Ryan, let me leave.” Leah’s tone was harsh, but she was unable to make eye contact with Ryan.

“Not until you explain.” Ryan willed her tone to something more congenial; otherwise, she knew Leah would bolt. “Can’t we be honest with each other?”

Leah’s eyes shot up, and a look of pure anguish crossed her face. “You’re not the one that’s been lying.”

Ryan felt a shot of elation course through her. She was hopeful this was the beginning of the truth. “Can we sit and talk?”

Leah hesitated, but finally nodded, and the two women went into the living room. Sitting down next to Leah on the sofa, Ryan squelched the myriad of questions that were shooting through her head. She instinctively knew Leah was going to control the pace of this portion of the conversation.

“How much of that diary have you read?” Leah sat facing Ryan, her leg tucked up under her.

Ryan thought that was an odd question to start the conversation with. “Ah, I skipped some of the more banal entries about crop rotation and how to not drop a stitch, but otherwise, all of it.”

Leah took a deep breath, a tremor moving through her body before she spoke. “Our families have a very long and sordid history.”

Ryan frowned. “Our families? You mean you and my mother?”

Leah pursed her lips. “No. I mean our families. All the way back to what you read in that diary.”

“What are you playing at?” Ryan couldn’t fathom where Leah was going with this.

“The Allerton and Sebille families. Your ancestors and mine. I’m a direct descendent of Abigail’s.” Leah forced the words passed her lips.

Ryan shook her head. “Look, I don’t know what my mother told you about that diary, or what you know from your own people, or what the two of you thought was true when you were seventeen, but clearly my mother was not in her right mind.”

Leah rubbed her face with both hands. “Ryan, it’s true. All of it.”

Ryan felt the certainty of her world slipping away, and she was desperately clinging to it. “Karen had spent god knows how long reading through that diary, and convinced herself that what is nothing more than the writings of a very naïve twenty year old girl were true.”

Before Leah could interrupt her, Ryan pushed on, fueled by the certainty of the material world and the science that governs it. “Evidently, the idea there are witches somehow seemed more palatable to her than the truth. My family took advantage of people for as far back as anyone can remember. That’s the most human thing there is. You don’t need magic for that level of greed and mendacity to exist.”

Leah leaned back, resting against the arm of the sofa. “Jesus, I’m trying to finally tell the truth, and you don’t – or won’t believe me.”

“Believe what, that there are witches? That my family has hunted and killed, or financially ruined them for generations? Oh, and I don’t want to forget – you’re a witch.” Ryan had said the words with the most sarcasm she could muster.

“Yes.” Leah spoke with such certainty Ryan almost believed her.

“Leah, please.” Ryan reached for the woman’s hand, and was met halfway when Leah grabbed Ryan’s. A shot of heat went up Ryan’s arm and spread through her chest.

“It’s warm, isn’t it?” Leah whispered.

Ryan looked down at their hands, her eyes wide. “Yes, but I told you already –”

“I know. You told me how warm you feel when you’re around me.” Leah looked down at their hands as she chewed nervously on her lower lip. “Karen had the same reaction. Your aunt’s nose bleeds, your cousin gets something akin to an allergy attack.” Leah took a deep breath. “The child your ancestor carried – your great grandmother seven times back – she got terrible stomach cramps when she was around us.”

Ryan swallowed hard. She felt as if she and Leah were having the conversation underwater. Everything was slowing down, the air felt stifling, and Leah seemed blurry. “Us?”

Leah released Ryan’s hand. “Over the millennia most cultures have referred to us as witches or some variation of that, but we – I – am descended from a race of elementals.”

Ryan was shocked when instead of fainting dead away, she had a pertinent question pop into her head. “Which element are you?”

The corner of Leah’s mouth turned up. “Well, I’m – I guess you could say I’m water.”

Ryan stood up, and began pacing back and forth in front of the sofa. “I can’t believe I’m actually listening to this.” She stopped and looked at Leah. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve always felt like there were things you weren’t telling me, and – I’m sorry to just come out and say this – but are you mental?”

Leah’s face flushed, and her jaw set. “Are you asking me if I’m crazy?”

Ryan held her hands up in front of her. “No, no, I – well, sort of.”

Leah, exasperated, stood and began scanning the room. Spotting a half full bottled water on the end table, she picked it up.

Ryan cocked her head to the side, a doubtful expression on her face. “What are you doing?”

Leah placed the base of the water bottle in the palm of her hand. “Just watch.”

Ryan turned her attention to the bottle, and stared in amazement as small ice crystals began to form around its edges and the water began to expand inside the bottle until it was a solid cylinder of ice.

“Holy shit!” Ryan reached for the bottle, but then stopped. “Can I touch it?”

Leah smiled. “Of course. It’s no different than if you had left it in the freezer.”

Ryan took the bottle from Leah, mesmerized by how cold and solid it was. “Ah, I think this is a little different than my freezer.” Grasping the lid, she rotated the bottle. “What else can you do?”

Leah took the bottle back from Ryan, and wrapped her hand around it. “You know I usually only do kids’ birthday parties.”

Ryan couldn’t help but smile. “You’re making a joke?”

Leah shrugged. “I’m just relieved you didn’t run screaming – or worse.”

Ryan’s brow arched. “What’s worse?”

Leah shook her head. “Never mind. Just watch.” As quickly as the water had frozen, it thawed and was liquid again.

Ryan gasped. “How do you do that?”

“I have no idea.” Leah said plainly.

“Oh, come on. You must know.” Ryan insisted as she continued to study the bottle.

“I really don’t, and I haven’t always been able to control it.” A sadness settled over Leah.

Ryan studied Leah for a second. She seemed distant suddenly. “What happened?”

Leah’s eyes shot up, a startled expression on her face. “What?”

Ryan grinned. “The look on your face – it was like you had gone a million miles away.”

Leah sighed as she rubbed the back of her neck nervously. “Until I finished puberty, the powers were all over the place. One winter we had gone to visit family in Altona, New York.” Leah frowned. “I was ice skating with a boy I had met from town when he fell through a patch of thin ice. I – I thought it would be easy enough to heat the pond up.”

Leah looked up at Ryan. “You know, so he could just swim to shore.” She stopped talking, her breaths coming in short spurts. “But I got it too hot, and he nearly died from third degree burns.”

Ryan put the bottle back on the table, and pulled Leah to her. Holding her tightly, Ryan tried to reassure Leah. “It wasn’t your fault.” She leaned back so she could see Leah. “Impulse control is for shit with every adolescent.” Ryan smiled. “And most adults for that matter.”

Leah managed a small smile. “Thank you, but it was terrible. I swore I would never use my powers to harm anyone.” Shaking her head, Leah shuddered. “I don’t think I could live with myself.”

Ryan wanted to help Leah past her melancholy, and back into the present. “I couldn’t imagine you hurting anyone.”

The corner of Leah’s mouth turned up. “Who can say? To your point, I don’t even know why or how I can do what I do. I suppose there’s some science behind it. Genetics or something, but who would I ever trust enough to test that?” Leah said the last part with obvious sadness in her voice.

“You’re trusting me, though?” Ryan took Leah’s hands in hers. “Me of all people, considering who my family is?”

Leah shook her head. “No. I’m trusting you because of who you are.”

As much reassurance and affection as Leah’s words triggered in Ryan, her curiosity was nowhere near abated. “What else can you do?”

Leah tapped her index finger against her lips as she scanned the room before her eyes settled on Ryan. “Give me your arm.”

Ryan frowned. “My arm?”

Leah nodded, a mischievous smirk on her face. “Yeah, your arm.”

Ryan hesitated, but ultimately she trusted Leah, and stretched her arm out between them. “Be gentle.”

A quick smile flashed across Leah’s lips before she forced a more serious expression, setting her mouth in a thin, pursed line. The first touch of Leah’s hand on the underside of Ryan’s forearm sent a skittering of heat up into Ryan’s chest, but then the touch became cool, almost cold.

Ryan’s eyes widened as she stared at where Leah’s hand lay on her skin. “What’s happening?”

Leah’s gaze wandered from where her hand was, up the bare skin of Ryan’s arm, pausing at her shoulder. “Do you feel that?”

Ryan shuddered. “It’s all the way up my arm!” She looked back and forth between Leah’s hand and the light green of her eyes.

“The human body is roughly sixty five percent water.” Leah slid her hand down to Ryan’s wrist, and wrapped her slender fingers around it. “It’s contained in the tissues – blood, even bone.”

As Leah spoke, the coolness from before disappeared. Ryan felt a warmth growing deep in the joint of her wrist. It spread outward, and wound itself up her arm, wrapping around her forearm and settling deep in her elbow.

Something occurred to Ryan, but she hesitated before putting a voice to it. “Can you make it hotter?”

Leah’s eyes shot up to Ryan’s, a worried expression on her face. “Yes.”

Ryan nodded. “And colder too, I assume?”

Leah nodded, and removed her hand from Ryan’s wrist. “Yes.” Extending her arm to her side, and without looking away from Ryan, Leah turned her palm upward. A split second later, fine crystals of ice were appearing in the air around Leah’s hand, gently floating to the floor.

“Jesus.” Ryan stuck her hand out, catching the fine grains of ice in her hand. “That’s amazing.”

Leah suddenly pulled her hand away. “It’s not difficult. Water is everywhere - short of living in a desert, and or in some buildings where the air is particularly dry because of climate control systems.”

Ryan could hear the strain in Leah’s voice, and put aside her heightened curiosity. She took Leah’s hand in hers, and sat down on the sofa. “Please sit with me.” Ryan patted her hand on the cushion next to her. “All of this is good. No more lies and half-truths.”

Leah bit her lower lip between her teeth as she considered the space next to Ryan. After several seconds, she sat down, still holding Ryan’s hand. “I should have told you before. Especially about Karen.” She ran her hand up the smooth skin of Ryan’s forearm. “I’m very sorry for that.”

Ryan fought back the urge to pull Leah to her. There was still so much she didn’t know in spite of the recent windfall of information Leah was willing to part with. Ryan still felt tense and unsure of what lay ahead for them.

“Tell me now, please.” Ryan placed her hand on Leah’s knee, and squeezed gently.

Leah took a deep breath. “Right.” Smiling she placed her hand over Ryan’s. “Karen called to say she was sorry for everything. I was shocked to hear her voice after so many years.”

“What’s everything?” Ryan wanted to respect Leah pacing herself through this, but Ryan felt as happy as Leah had made her to this point, she had only been allowed parts of the woman. Now she wanted everything.

Leah’s eyes filled with tears, her gaze unfocused as she was clearly remembering. “For what happened when we were younger.” Wiping at an errant tear, Leah continued. “You see, your family is very good with secrets.”

Ryan chuckled. “No shit.”

“They are particularly good at keeping secrets from each other. So much so, that tradition dictates only the oldest child is to know about the tells and the hunting.”

“So my mother didn’t know?”

Leah nodded. “My family didn’t know about the Myers either. I’m sorry to say they aren’t the only family with such a twisted hobby.”

Ryan frowned. “I’m sorry.”

Leah shook her head quickly. “No, I didn’t mean it like that – I just meant the Myers are one of many families that claim some divine providence in justifying the killing and ruining of elemental bloodlines.”

“Once your aunt realized who I was, or really what I was, she felt obligated to bring your mother into the fold.” Leah’s grasp on Ryan’s arm tightened. “I didn’t understand it at the time, but I can only imagine how terrifying it was for Karen. Not only was she dealing with her feelings for another woman, but she had just learned about her own history – and mine.”

Ryan felt as if she were being pushed toward the abyss. Leah was building to something, and regardless of Ryan’s need to know the truth, she wasn’t sure she was ready. She knew it was for the best that Leah was bent on continuing no matter how pained Ryan’s expression was.

“Lucy and Karen hired private detectives, and had my parents, my brother, and I pursued across the country. Assets were frozen, random and frivolous lawsuits were filed against my parents.” Leah shook her head, the heinousness of it still a burden. “My parents were audited four times in as many years by the IRS.”

Leah’s breath caught. “In the end, they poisoned every professional opportunity my parents had, blocked housing loans.” Leah’s expression hardened. “We couldn’t even rent an apartment at one point; so we lived with relatives.”

Ryan hated herself for thinking this, but she was relieved it hadn’t been worse. She had imagined all manner of horrific things. “At least you were with your family.”

Leah flinched. “My father couldn’t find work and drank himself to death within five years. My mother followed him three years later. My brother was incapable of moving past the losses, and drove his car off a bridge when he was twenty seven.” Leah cast her eyes downward. “No, we never really had each other again.”

Driven by only her need to comfort Leah, Ryan pulled the distraught woman to her. For a second she feared Leah would push her away, and that the history behind them would now come between them. To Ryan’s relief, Leah clung to her as tightly as Ryan did her.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I don’t have the words.” Ryan leaned her head back, gently kissing along Leah’s jaw and cheek. “Tell me what I can do.” She framed Leah’s face with her hands.

Tears streamed down Leah’s cheeks faster than Ryan could wipe them away. “There’s nothing to be done. I decided many years ago to move past it. The alternatives seemed too bleak.”

Ryan had waited for and wanted the truth practically since meeting Leah. Now, faced with it, she did not know what the next steps were. Her mind still clung to the reality she had known her entire life, and she wondered if it wouldn’t be easier if she had just stayed tethered to her questions. The answers seemed no less confusing than the lies.

Leah sat back, her arms falling from around Ryan’s shoulders. “I need to go.”

Ryan shook her head. “What? Why?”

Leah ran her hand through her hair. “First off, I’m a mess. Second, I need to think.”

“About what?” Ryan’s breath caught as she waited for Leah’s response.

Sniffling, Leah stood. “Us.”

Ryan stood and followed Leah toward the front door. She wanted to grab Leah, and tell her they would do better to solve this together, but Ryan hardly felt she was in a position to insist Leah do anything. “I don’t want you to leave, but I understand why you need to.”

Leah turned toward Ryan, and cupped the younger woman’s cheek in her hand. “Thank you.”

Ryan turned her lips to Leah’s palm, and then took the woman’s hand in hers. The heat that shot up Ryan’s arm was no less intense now that she understood its source. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” Ryan mustered the courage of her convictions to tell Leah she would call versus asking if she could. The fear that Leah may tell her not to bother sat at the pit of Ryan’s stomach, like a sour lump.

A quick smile flashed across Leah’s lips. “Okay.”

Then Leah was gone. Ryan stood with her hand still clutching the doorknob of her front door. She felt strangely detached from her life, as if everything she had just learned were unfolding before her in a movie. The tragedies, the loves, the losses not feeling as if they were Ryan’s, but some fictional character whose fate was unknown.

Ryan managed to drag herself up the stairs to her bedroom, and collapse onto her bed. She felt as if she had run a marathon, and every part of her body ached. Curling up, she pulled the blanket from the foot the bed over her.

In the coolness of her room, and the darkness of the cocoon she had immersed herself in, a quick burst of air escaped Ryan’s lungs as if she had been punched in the stomach. Taking a deep breath, Ryan began to sob.

It was a release born of shame that her family was murderers, that the woman she loved had borne the brunt of the Myers’ insane cruelty, and that her mother had lost herself in her guilt and self-inflicted degradation.

Of all these tragedies and injustices, one fear threatened to swallow Ryan completely. It was that in spite of Leah and her finally having the courage to face the past, it would prove more than either could bear. Ryan could lose Leah anyway.

***

“Thank you for the update, Ryan. The projections look great.” Donnie smiled from across the conference table at Ryan.

Ryan wasn’t sure how she had managed, but she had held herself together for the better part of the week, in spite of the fact Leah hadn’t returned any of her calls. She had left six messages and had finally broken down and called the bookshop.

“She’s out of town on business, Ryan. Can I give her a message?” Marty had answered nervously as Ryan inquired about Leah. Ryan once again wished the man would become a better liar or give the sport up all together.

“No message. Just let her know I called when you talk to her.” Ryan didn’t see the point in bullying the man, and could respect his loyalty to his friend and business partner.

As the meeting adjourned, Ryan slid her laptop into its bag, and wondered if she should just drive out to Leah’s house after work. It would be harder for Leah to ignore her in person.

Ryan was trying to honor the fact that Leah clearly needed space, but the silent treatment was wearing on Ryan’s nerves. When she and Leah parted company at Ryan’s house over the weekend, it had not occurred to Ryan that Leah was only humoring her when she agreed Ryan should call her. She thought the relationship meant more to Leah than empty gestures.

“Plans for tonight?” Linda was standing beside Ryan, a legal pad of paper tucked under her arm. She was dressed impeccably as always in a sage colored pencil skirt and a dark brown button-up blouse.

“What?” Ryan had been lost in her thoughts, and hadn’t even noticed her co-worker standing next to her.

Linda grinned. “I asked if you were doing anything tonight. Several of my girlfriends and I were going to go out for a drink, and I thought you might need the distraction.”

Ryan frowned. “Why would I need a distraction?”

Linda glanced down, shifting her weight as she leaned against the conference table. “Well – not for nothing, but you’ve been out of sorts this week.”

Ryan looked around the conference room. Linda was the only one of her co-workers that remained. Lowering her voice, Ryan forced herself to sound calm. “Have people said something?” The idea that she had not done her best, or that somehow her work was suffering because of the absolute mess her personal life had become, set off a wave of panic in Ryan.

Linda stood up. “Oh, god no. I didn’t mean to imply – I just noticed you didn’t seem yourself.”

Ryan nodded, relieved that at least she had mostly managed to keep it together. “Oh. I’m busy tonight, but thanks for the invite.” Ryan picked up her bag. “And the concern.”

Linda nodded, a warm smile lighting up her face. “If you change your mind –” She tore a piece of yellow paper from the legal pad and taking a pen from her pocket, jotted a series of numbers down. “Text me.”

Ryan took the piece of paper. “I appreciate it.”

There was an awkward moment when Linda clearly wasn’t sure if the conversation was over, but then she managed a quick nod, and left the room.

Ryan sat down in one of the high back leather chairs, and tilting her head back, took several deep breaths. She couldn’t continue to live in this in-between space she was stuck in. She would drive to Leah’s house, and resolve things one way or another.

A light vibration went off in Ryan’s front pant pocket, and she pulled her phone out. Her brow furrowed when she saw Carol’s name on the caller ID.

“Hey, what’s up?” Ryan was genuinely happy to be hearing from her cousin.

“Hi! I just wanted to let you know I’m in town for the weekend, and would love to see you.” Carol spoke quickly, clearly excited.

“And you didn’t just want to pop over to my house unannounced?” Ryan jabbed. The two women hadn’t left things on the best of terms during Carol’s visit a couple weeks ago, but Ryan had never been able to stay mad at her cousin.

“That’s fair.” Carol conceded. “Are you free tonight?”

Ryan pursed her lips. She wanted to see Carol, but needed things resolved with Leah. “I have a meeting right after work, but I could meet you for drinks around nine.”

“Excellent. I’m staying at the Monaco again. Do you want to just meet in the bar there?”

“Sure.” Ryan smiled, and thought if things went badly with Leah, at least she had time with Carol to look forward to. She assumed, based on what Leah had shared about the first born rule, that Carol was blissfully unaware of the real reason her mother was advocating for Ryan to stop seeing Leah.

The two women said their goodbyes, and Ryan glanced at her watch. It was a little after four, and she wondered if she might just call it a day. She could drive out to Leah’s and let the proverbial chips fall as they may.

Resolved to do just that, she went to Donnie’s office and asked if she could leave early. Her boss was happy to approve the early departure, and less than ten minutes later, Ryan was in route to Oella. Traffic was worse than she had expected, and the usual twenty minute drive took nearly forty.

The late hour and the dense trees throughout Oella cast Leah’s home in shadow as Ryan drove up the narrow driveway. Seeing Leah’s car, Ryan suddenly remembered, that with everything that had happened, she had never asked Leah about the discrepancy in her accident story. Ryan didn’t really care at this point. She would be happy to just have Leah speak to her. Never mind explaining away a random white lie.

Ryan stepped onto the covered patio, and knocked on the door. She willed herself not to knock again immediately, and counted to thirty in her head to ensure she didn’t seem too eager or worse, come off as aggressive.

After the countdown in her head came and went, Ryan knocked again, and again began counting to thirty. On twenty three, there was a faint clicking sound, and the door opened. Leah was standing in a pair of gray sweat pants and a purple Ravens V-neck cotton t-shirt.

Ryan couldn’t interpret the expression on Leah’s face, so she opted to be blunt to avoid any confusion. “You weren’t returning my calls, and I was worried, and I missed you.”

Leah didn’t speak, but stepped to the side and gestured for Ryan to come in. Shutting the door behind them, Leah stood with her back to the door. “I’m sorry I haven’t called you.” Leah’s voice was low. “I thought you might come by, especially when Marty phoned and told me you had called the shop.”

Ryan swallowed hard, her throat and mouth suddenly dry. “What’s going on?”

Leah walked past Ryan, and sat down on the sofa. The memory of the first time she and Leah had sex on that sofa cascaded over Ryan in a warm wave.

“I know I should have said this last weekend, but I thought a little distance would make it easier to think and clear my head.” Leah sat with her elbows resting on her knees, and Ryan couldn’t imagine anything good was going to come from this exchange since Leah could barely look at her.

“Has the distance helped?” Ryan asked the question without being sure she wanted to hear the answer.

Leah rubbed her face with both hands, and Ryan noticed for the first time since coming in the house how tired Leah looked. Her usually bright eyes were dim, and she had faint circles under them. “No. It hasn’t helped.”

Ryan willed herself to walk across the small living room, and she knelt down in front of Leah. “Then what? Why haven’t you –” Ryan’s words were cutoff as Leah pressed her lips to Ryan’s.

Leah clung to Ryan as their tongues met, and a faint whimper escaped the blonde. Leah stood, and while still kissing Ryan, started to unbutton Ryan’s pants.

“Wait.” Ryan leaned back, and took Leah’s hands in hers. Leah leaned forward, her lips finding the soft skin of Ryan’s neck. It took all of Ryan’s will to move Leah away. The skin where her mouth had been was still hot. “I – I mean I want to, but I think we need to talk first.”

Leah stepped back from Ryan, her head lowered as she walked to the recliner and sat down. “I’m sorry. I missed you, and –”

Ryan could see how much Leah was struggling, and she wanted nothing more than to hold her and reassure her. The tragedy was she didn’t know if any reassurance she might offer would turn out to be true.

Taking a seat on the sofa, Ryan took a deep breath. “I understand, but we haven’t really resolved anything.” Ryan sat on the edge of the sofa, her hands resting on her knees. “I know it sounds silly, but as good as the sex is, it’s far from everything I get from being with you; so if we can’t fix the everything – I – just don’t know what then.”

Leah’s eyes filled with tears. “I know you’re right. I’ve been locked in this house for the better part of a week, and I’ve done myself no favors by giving into a lot of self-pity.”

“Why self-pity?” Ryan had never thought of Leah as a depressed or negative person, and to hear the struggle in her voice, and know Ryan was part of the cause, soured Ryan’s stomach and made her heart race.

Leah laid her head back, the recliner rocking slightly with the shifting of her weight. “You know I’m forty five?” Ryan nodded. “And I’m not naïve, I know I look thirty.”

Ryan grinned. “You look great.”

Leah chuckled. “You’re sweet. I look a mess in this getup, but do you know why I look thirty?”

Ryan shook her head. The furthest thing from her mind the past week were Leah’s looks. Though the age gap had initially been a mild concern for Ryan, it seemed incredibly trivial in light of recent developments.

“We’re long lived. I don’t mean eighty or ninety. My grandmother lived to be a hundred and thirty three. When she died, she looked eighty.” Leah leaned forward, her eyes fixed on Ryan. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Ryan wasn’t sure what the point was. In spite of being impressed as hell that Leah could live well beyond the century mark, Ryan was at a loss as to what it had to do with their current situation. “Sorry. I’m not following.”

Leah sighed. “It means I have lots of time to be alone, to be afraid, to be angry. It scares the shit out of me. You – us – scares the shit out of me.”

Ryan had a hundred things she wanted to say to Leah. Arguments and counter arguments, but she could bring only one into focus. “I love you. That matters so much more than any amount of fear or anger.”

Leah stared, unblinking at Ryan for several seconds before she spoke. “I love you.” Leah wiped at her tear stained face. “Shit, I can’t stop crying.” She got up, and moved so she could sit next to Ryan. Their knees touching, Leah took Ryan’s hand. “I have a confession.”

Ryan winced. “I’m bracing myself.”

Leah smiled, absently cupping the side of Ryan’s face with her hand. “I wasn’t as reserved as you with I love you, and I said it – not often – but when it really didn’t count.” Leah kissed Ryan softly on the cheek. “You’re the first to really count, and I can’t decide if that’s incredibly romantic or frightfully tragic.”

Ryan laughed. “I’m going with romantic, but I’m biased.”

Leah’s lips found Ryan’s. The spark of heat the woman’s touch elicited in Ryan triggered a quiet sigh from Ryan. She rested her hand on the back of Leah’s neck, gently pulling her closer. Leah pulled back, her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but whatever she meant to say was caught somewhere. Instead, Leah stood, pulling Ryan to her feet.

Leah began leading Ryan back into the bedroom. Ryan’s body was already on fire with anticipation as Leah gently pushed her back onto the bed. Leah pulls her t-shirt over her head, and Ryan smiled to see she wasn’t wearing a bra. Ryan was mesmerized as Leah slowly pulled her pants and panties down, kicking them to the side to stand naked in front of Ryan.

Ryan couldn’t remember ever seeing anyone as beautiful. Leah’s skin was slightly tanned, and her perfectly shaped breasts sat just above her rib cage. Her waist tapered, and then the swell of her hips led down to her toned, sleek thighs.

Without a word, Leah slowly removed Ryan’s clothes. Her fingers and hands traced exposed skin as she moved along the smooth planes of Ryan’s shoulders, along the swell of her breasts, and down the curve of her stomach, her hands coming to rest on both of Ryan’s hips.

Bending down, Leah ran her tongue along Ryan’s jutting hip bone, across her abdomen, and then she gently placed a series of kisses up Ryan’s stomach. Her lips lingered at the side of Ryan’s breast.

Ryan’s body was on fire as Leah’s hands and mouth moved over her skin. The doubt and hesitancy that had plagued Ryan all week were washed away, and even though part of Ryan knew nothing had really been resolved, her body overrode her mind so she didn’t care.

Leah slowly lowered herself between Ryan’s legs. Their eyes met for a moment before Leah was kissing Ryan again, her mouth growing more urgent as she found Ryan’s. Ryan wrapped her arms around Leah’s shoulders, pulling her closer, the heat her touch triggered spiraling waves of warmth through Ryan.

Leah shifted, and a second later Ryan gasped as Leah entered her with two fingers. Leah buried her face in the side of Ryan’s neck, her breath hot against Ryan’s skin as she thrust the full length of her fingers into her.

Clinging to Leah, Ryan moved her hips in unison with Leah’s fingers. The feel of Leah’s body against Ryan was nearly more than she could take as shards of electricity ripped through her. Ryan ran her fingers through Leah’s blonde hair, entwining them in the silky strands as Ryan was desperate to pull Leah even closer.

Bringing her legs up, Ryan wrapped them around Leah’s waist. Leah moaned. Leaning back, her eyes met Ryan’s. A thin film of sweat covered both women’s bodies as Leah sped the rhythm of her fingers up, their gazes still locked as Ryan began to tremble under Leah.

Releasing her legs from around Leah’s waist, Ryan opened herself wider for Leah. Leah lifted her left leg up, and straddled Ryan’s thigh. Ryan gasped as Leah’s wetness coated her leg, the scent of vanilla and sex filling the room.

Leah thrust her fingers into Ryan as she pushed against Ryan’s thigh. Ryan lifted her hips in unison with Leah as she frantically grabbed and clutched at the woman’s arms and shoulders. “Leah.” The word came as Ryan exhaled, and a moment later both women cried out as they climaxed.

Leah slowly eased her fingers from Ryan, her breath coming in short pants as she slid up to lay her head on Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan wrapped her arms around Leah, her body still shaking from her release seconds before.

“You’re wonderful.” Ryan smiled as she kissed the top of Leah’s head.

Leah looked up at Ryan, her eyes slightly out of focus as a small smile found her lips. “I love you.” Leah pushed herself up, and knelt between Ryan’s legs. “You’re incredible and beautiful.”

Ryan blushed, enjoying Leah’s appreciative stare. “I love you.” She suddenly felt fearless, unbound, and euphoric. Leah’s kisses, her touch, were transforming.

Ryan had never tried hard to stave off her feelings for Leah. She knew there was still so many things they would have to face. Neither of them could really know what would happen, or if there was an inevitable sheer cliff out in the distance they might plummet over. It didn’t matter to Ryan, for as she laid wrapped in the warmth of Leah’s embrace, she felt all too happy and grateful for the fall.

Chapter 16

Ryan sat bolt upright. Her eyes scanning the darkness of Leah’s bedroom. Finding the alarm clock, she swore under her breath as she got out of bed, and switched on the small lamp on the nightstand.

“What’s wrong?” A groggy Leah sat up, rubbing at her eyes.

Ryan hurriedly grabbed her previously discarded clothes from the floor. “It’s eight forty five.”

Leah glanced at the clock. “So? You got a hot date?” She joked.

Ryan didn’t respond as she pulled her slacks on, patting at the front pockets with her hands. “Crap. Where’s my phone?”

Leah ran her hand through her tousled hair as she tossed the sheet back. Ryan glanced up, and came to a full stop. “Please. I’m running late to meet Carol, and if you just sit there naked and gorgeous, she’s going to just sit at that hotel bar waiting.”

Leah smiled, stood up and walked toward Ryan, a mischievous glint in her eye. “I want to help you find your phone.”

Ryan held her hands out in front of her. “Thanks, but I can manage.”

Leah feigned a pout, and pulled a half dressed Ryan into her arms. “Do you want me to come into town later? I could stay over.”

Ryan, the upper half of her body still naked, was having trouble focusing with Leah’s breasts pressed to hers. “Ah, I – no, I can come back. Greg and Nic are dating, and they are a little unbearable in that classic honeymoon phase euphoria sort of way.”

“I didn’t realize they were together.” Leah kissed Ryan on the shoulder.

Ryan moaned, and with all the strength she had, stepped back from Leah. “Just started dating, and god help me if it goes badly.” She bent over and grabbed her bra and blouse.

“God help you?” Leah frowned.

“I’ve gone through many of Nic’s break-ups, but never one that would hit so close to home, so to speak.” Ryan was having trouble buttoning her blouse, her hands trembling as she forced back the urge to crawl back into bed with Leah.

Stepping forward, Leah straightened Ryan’s blouse, and slowly began buttoning it. “Maybe it will work out.”

Ryan looked down at Leah’s slender fingers as they slipped one button after another into their buttonholes. “I hope so.”

Fastening the last button, Leah leaned in and kissed Ryan’s cheek. “How long will you be gone?”

“I should be back around twelve. Is that too late?” Ryan, feeling more confident in her self-restraint, wrapped her arm around the small of Leah’s bare lower back.

“I’ll be here.” Leah gave Ryan a quick kiss on the lips. “You should go now though.”

Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “In such a hurry to get rid of me?”

Leah chewed nervously on the inside of her lower lip. “The opposite. If you don’t leave now, I’ll really owe Carol an apology.”

Ryan chuckled. “We both will.” Turning to leave the bedroom, Ryan nearly stepped on her phone. Bending to pick it up, she frowned. “Perfect. It’s dead.”

“You can use mine if you want to let her know you’re running late.” Leah walked past her, and into the living room.

“That’s funny. You think I know her number? Anyone’s number for that matter?” Ryan tucked the phone in her pant pocket.

Reaching into her purse, Leah stopped. “I know your number.”

Ryan blushed, and closing the space between her and Leah, pulled her into a tight hug. “You’re just a better person than me.”

Leah smiled against the side of Ryan’s neck. “I think it’s a generational thing.”

Ryan leaned back. “Are you saying I’m young?”

“No – I’m old.” Leah cupped Ryan’s cheek in her hand.

“You’re pretty hot for an old woman.” Ryan turned her lips to Leah’s warm palm.

Leah’s gaze wandered along the smooth skin of Ryan’s face, the definition of her jaw, and came to rest on the fullness of her lips. “I wish I had met you sooner.”

Ryan’s expression grew serious. “I would have been a minor, and I hate to think of you in jail.”

Leah tisked, and playfully pinched Ryan’s upper arm. “Awful joke.”

Ryan practically giggled as she opened the door. “You’ll still be naked when I get back.” She stated.

“Clearly, as that was not in the form of a question.” Leah smiled. “Be safe.”

Ryan nodded, shut the door, and quickly walked to her car.

***

“Am I dead to you?” Ryan rushed toward Carol, who sat at the Monaco’s bar, a half empty gin and tonic in front of her.

The Monaco hotel was a mid-size boutique hotel in downtown Baltimore near the Inner Harbor. It was located in the renovated B&O Railroad Headquarters, and the entire hotel was designed in the style of America’s gilded age with elaborate frescos and murals throughout the lobby, accented by 1900 style furniture.

Carol pivoted on the bar stool. “I was more worried you were dead somewhere. Your phone kept going straight to voicemail.” She slid off the stool, and gave Ryan a brief peck on the cheek.

Sitting down, Ryan shook her head. “I’m sorry. My phone is dead, and I couldn’t find my car charger.”

“Your work meeting ran late?” Carol sat back down, and waved the bartender over.

“Yeah.” Ryan had no plans to discuss Leah with Carol. She realized she was still feeling a little raw over Carol running to Lucy to gossip about her and Leah.

“Are you still loving the job?” Carol asked.

Ryan nodded. “I am.”

“What can I get you?” The bartender, who was an attractive twenty-something brunette, smiled warmly at Ryan.

“Oh, ah – Natty Boh, please.”

“I only have that canned. Is that okay?” The bartender offered.

“Sure, and don’t worry about the glass.”

The brunette grinned. “Awesome.”

Carol looked at Ryan, and then watched as the bartender walked toward the far end of the bar. “She’s flirting with you.”

Ryan glanced toward the attractive woman. “Is she?”

Carol nodded. “I got the perfunctory yes miss. You got awesome.”

Ryan tilted her head back, and stretched her neck from side-to-side. “She clearly prefers beer to gin.”

Carol chuckled. “Whatever.”

The bartender returned with an open can of Natty Boh. “Let me know if you need anything else.” She looked at Carol. “Can I get you another Tanqueray and tonic, miss?”

Carol shook her head. “I’m good for now. She needs to catchup.”

The bartender smiled. “Check.”

Carol waited until the woman was out of earshot. “See? Miss.”

“You’re silly.” Ryan took a drink of her beer. “What brings you back to Baltimore so soon?”

“The whole family is here, actually.” Carol smiled. “Mother wants us all to do lunch tomorrow if you’re available.”

Ryan shook her head. “I’m busy. Why are they here?” The fact her cousin hadn’t really answered her question wasn’t lost on Ryan.

Carol took a long drink of her gin and tonic, nearly emptying the remainder of the glass. “Something to do with business. You know they can be vague. I was just happy to have another chance to see you.” She smiled, raising her glass toward Ryan. “Cheers.”

Ryan lifted her can of beer. “Cheers, and I’m happy to see you too.” She smiled.

“Speaking of seeing people.” Carol’s gaze was focused on her glass as she ran her finger along its rim. “Are you still seeing Leah?”

Ryan paused mid drink, and put the can of beer down on the bar. “That was a seamless segue.”

Carol smirked. “I thought so.”

In spite of the rest of the family’s penchant for secrets, and Carol’s for gossip, Ryan and Carol had never been particularly good at keeping them from one another. “I’m still seeing Leah. Nothing too serious.” Ryan still felt cautious in spite of her and Carol’s history together. A twinge of guilt tinted her white lie, but she was resolved to maintain the half-truth.

Carol emptied her glass, and gestured for the bartender to bring her another drink. “She nearly killed my father.”

Ryan coughed. Her last drink of beer caught at the back of her throat with Carol’s words. “What?!”

The bartender placed a fresh drink in front of Carol, and seeing Ryan coughing, quickly handed her a small black cocktail napkin. “Are you okay? Would you like some water?”

Ryan shook her head, her voice strained. “I’m good. Thanks.”

The bartender hesitated. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything else.”

Ryan managed a nod, and after another short cough, turned her attention to Carol. “What are you talking about?”

Carol’s eyes filled with tears. “When we were here last, she and my parents got into an altercation, and she burned my father’s arm.” Carol reached across the bar, and retrieved a cocktail napkin from the bar caddy. Wiping her eyes, she took several deep breaths. “I didn’t even know if I should tell you, but if you’re still seeing her, I can’t just say nothing.”

Ryan’s heart was racing, her face felt hot, and she was having trouble catching her breath. “How could Leah nearly kill Derek?”

Carol blew her noise quietly, and discreetly tucked the folded napkin into her front pant pocket. “You have to know. I mean, if I know, you must know.”

Ryan wasn’t sure how to play this game. She was truly distressed to see Carol so upset, but she didn’t want to say too much, and inadvertently expose Carol or Leah to harm. “What should I know?”

Carol chuckled, but her eyes narrowing as she turned to Ryan. “Are you feeling me out, Ryan?”

Ryan stiffened at Carol’s use of her first name. It was a small thing, but the formality of it immediately put Ryan on the defensive. “Why would I be doing that?”

Carol emptied her drink, and grabbing another napkin, wiped her mouth. “I’m so scared for you, and you being with her.”

Ryan gently touched Carol’s shoulder, trying to reassure the woman. “Let’s just take a second here. What are you talking about?”

Carol pivoted on the bar stool so she was facing Ryan. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke. “She’s a witch, or whatever the hell you want to call it.”

Ryan focused on keeping her face expressionless. “Who told you that?”

Carol’s expression softened, and she took Ryan’s hand in hers. “I know everything.”

Ryan leaned back. She was still unwilling to show her hand. “What do you know?”

Carol sighed heavily. “I can’t believe you’re doing this? Lying to me by omission.” Carol released Ryan’s hand. “We have always been honest with each other.”

The years of managing the chaos of their upbringing together, and the countless moments they had confided and consoled one another came rushing back to Ryan. “I know who Leah is, and I know about the two families. I just didn’t think you would ever know.”

Carol frowned. “Why wouldn’t I know?”

Ryan glanced around to ensure no one was listening. “Andrew is the first born, and I figured you wouldn’t ever have to know.”

Carol shook her head. “Andrew is a putz and can barely stand upright with all that sneezing when he’s around Leah.”

Ryan was shocked to hear Carol speak so casually about the situation. “How long have you known?”

“Not too long. I don’t think my mother meant to tell me. But after the last visit and Andrew’s – shortcomings, and when I saw the scarring on my father’s arm – she didn’t really have a choice.”

“I don’t know about any burns.” Ryan insisted.

“Leah can’t control her powers, Ryan.” Carol whispered. “My parents were trying to talk some sense into her about your relationship with her, and then she attacked my father.”

The doubt Ryan had when Lucy had talked so crassly about Leah’s affinity for the Myers women was nowhere to be found in this moment with Carol. She was confident in what she knew about Leah, and who the woman she loved was.

“I’ve seen her powers, and I assure you she is in complete control.” Ryan reached for Carol’s hand, and a twinge of hurt shot through her when the woman pulled away.

“Then she willfully attacked my father.” Carol voice was cold, and it reminded Ryan too much of Lucy’s.

“Or she was defending herself.” The spokes of indignity began to spin inside Ryan, and she was not going to sit idly by while Carol trampled over Leah with her lies and misconceptions. Ryan’s breath caught as the memory of Leah’s bruises that first time they were together, and her insistence it had been a car accident popped into Ryan’s head.

“You’re defending her?” Carol hissed.

Ryan could count on one hand the number of arguments she and Carol had over the years. She could tell from the intensity in Carol’s eyes and the harshness of her voice, this was going to be the worst. “I’m just asking you to be open to the idea there may be another explanation.”

“Look, you know I’m not the biggest fan of my family, but if you had seen the look on my mother’s face, and the scar on my father’s arm, you wouldn’t be defending her.” Carol pointed to her own forearm as she spoke. “They were third degree burns!”

Can you make it hotter? The answer to the question she had poised to Leah was suddenly quantified. “Leah was black and blue too, Carol. I saw her the next day.”

Carol shook her head, her eyes focused on the bar. “My mother explained that they had to forcibly remove Leah from my father, or she would have killed him.”

Ryan slumped in the bar stool, unsure what she could say that would convince Carol of Leah’s true nature and intentions. “You’ve made up your mind about this?”

Once again, Carol’s eyes filled with tears. “So have you.”

Ryan placed her hand on Carol’s shoulder. “I know what I know, but this crap doesn’t have to come between us.” Tears pushed at the back of Ryan’s eyes, the thought of losing Carol stabbing at her heart. “You’re my best friend.”

A muffled sob escaped Carol, and she covered her mouth with her hand as she struggled to maintain her composure. “You’re my best friend too.”

Ryan stood, and wrapped her arms around Carol’s shoulders. “Then let’s figure this out. Together.”

To Ryan’s relief, Carol didn’t pull away from her. She wrapped her arms tightly around Ryan. “I love you.”

Ryan leaned back, her own tears finally coming. Smiling, she wiped at her face with the palm of her hand, seeing several fellow bar patrons warily looking at her and Carol. “We’ve made a scene.”

Carol pulled away, and wiped at her own tears. “Perfect.”

“Should we get a bottle of something really strong, and go up to your room?” Ryan was feeling relieved that she and Carol were turning a corner, and they weren’t going to let their family’s history destroy their relationship.

Carol hesitated, unable to make eye contact with Ryan. “I did something.”

Ryan’s relief from a moment ago evaporated with the dread in Carol’s voice. “What did you do?”

Carol winced. “When you were running so late, and knowing what I knew – or thought I knew – I called my mother.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “What?!”

Carol finally looked up at Ryan. “I told her I thought your meeting was really a date with Leah, and that I was scared for you.”

Ryan grabbed her car keys and wallet. “I have to go.”

Carol followed Ryan out of the bar. “Where are you going? I’m sure once they realized you weren’t there, they’ll just leave.”

Ryan handed her valet ticket to the attendant. “Please hurry.” She instructed the man.

“Ryan, you’re being ridiculous.” Carol was pleading with her. “Let me call my mother, and she can –”

Ryan turned. Her fear for Leah’s safety, and her anger over her cousin’s actions fueling the harshness of her words. “You have no idea what you’ve done! You’ve put Leah’s life at risk.” Ryan stepped off the curb as the valet pulled forward with her car. “Leah is no killer, Carol. We’re the killers! Our family has massacred and shredded our way through history, and you’ve just set the hounds after the fox.”

Leaving a stunned Carol on the curbside, Ryan quickly navigated her car out of downtown Baltimore. Once on the highway, she accelerated to eighty miles an hour as she sped towards Leah’s house.

***

Ryan maneuvered her Honda up the narrow road leading to Leah’s house. It was ten thirty, and with the exception of the porch light, Leah’s house was cloaked in darkness. It was so dark Ryan almost didn’t see the black Lincoln Town Car parked off the left side of the driveway.

Having her suspicions confirmed that Lucy, and more than likely Derek, were in fact at Leah’s, sent a shiver up Ryan’s back. Ryan fought to control the panic that began swelling up in her chest.

Pulling the Honda in behind Leah’s Nissan, Ryan put her car in park, and opened the door. Confused as to where everyone was, Ryan cocked her head to the side, listening for any signs of movement. The sound of the Patapsco River that ran along the bottom of the shallow valley near Leah’s house was all Ryan heard.

Ryan walked around to the covered porch as she tucked her car keys into the front pocket of her pants. Putting her ear to the door, she didn’t hear any movement in the house. Deciding against knocking, she walked along the side of the house toward what was actually the front door.

Rounding the front corner of the building, Ryan saw movement out of the corner of her eye. A split second later a sharp pain shot along her jawline, her ear began to ring, and Ryan’s knees buckled under her.

Ryan heard voices, and in spite of her best efforts, she couldn’t force her eyes open. Ryan wasn’t sure how long she had been unconscious having been hit with something or by someone.

The taste of bile and blood burned the back of her throat. Ryan turned her head, intending to spit the vile mix from her mouth, but the air was knocked out of her as a foot kicked into her stomach.

“Andrew! Goddamnit, I told you to watch her. Not kick the shit out of her.” Ryan heard Derek’s voice coming from somewhere in the distance. She was still dazed, and her uncle sounded as if he were yelling under water.

“She moved.” Andrew was looming over Ryan. Ryan still couldn’t open her eyes all the way, she managed to make out a muddied pair of black leather loafers inches from her face.

“Andrew, she’s family. Don’t you hurt her!” Lucy’s nasally voice pulled Ryan fully back into consciousness.

Rolling over, Ryan couldn’t move her hands from behind her back, and realized they were bound behind her. “Andrew, untie me. Please.”

“She’s awake.” Andrew shouted.

“That’s fine. Make her comfortable. We’ll be done here shortly.” Lucy shouted back.

Andrew knelt next to Ryan. “Give us ten, cuz. We should be done with that bitch shortly.”

Ryan jerked her gaze toward Lucy and Derek’s voices, her eyes wide as she still struggled to focus.

Ryan’s stomach twisted and soured. The bile at the back of her throat was threatening to come up. She was lying in a small clearing she assumed was somewhere near Leah’s house. A large fire burned near the tree line farthest from Ryan. Tied to a tree near the fire, her hands and legs bound, was a bloody and bruised Leah.

Leah was wearing a pair of black cotton shorts and a torn gray t-shirt. Her blonde hair was matted to one side of her head with what looked like dried blood. A thick black leather strap stretched across her mouth, blood running from either corner as the strap dug into her mouth. Leah’s eyes were wide with fear, her cheeks stained with tears as she stared helplessly at Ryan.

“Aunt Lucy! What are you doing?” Ryan shouted as she rolled over to her knees. “Stop!”

A sharp stab of pain shot out from the back of Ryan’s head has Andrew grabbed her by the hair. “Be quiet!” The man shouted in Ryan’s ear.

Lucy and Derek stood near the fire, and hearing Ryan, the woman turned and slowly walked toward her niece. Ryan thought it perverse that in spite of the horrific scene, her aunt was dressed impeccably in a pair of brown slacks, tan Cole Haan heels, and a light beige cashmere shawl draped over her shoulders.  The diamonds of her Cartier tennis bracelet were sparkling in the fire light.

“Quiet down. We’re nearly finished.” Lucy crouched in front of Ryan. “I had wanted to spare you this, but damn that Myers constitution, you just woke up too soon.”

Ryan shook her head, and finally in an upright positon, spat the blood that had been pooling in her mouth to the ground. “Please, don’t do this. It’s murder.”

Lucy stood up and looked down at her niece, a faint smile on her lips. “It’s justice.”

Ryan looked at Leah, and then back at her aunt. “What are you talking about? She hasn’t done anything to you – to anyone.”

Lucy laughed, the shrillness of it echoing through the valley below. “You have no idea what she’s done.” Lucy nodded at Andrew, and the man grabbed Ryan by the arms and pulled her to her feet.

Ryan’s shoulders ached from being bent back at an awkward angle, and she winced as Andrew jostled her back and forth. “That hurts!” She turned her head to the side, trying to make eye contact with her cousin. “Stop it!”

Andrew wrenched Ryan back against him, his breath hot on the back of her neck as flecks of the man’s spit peppered Ryan’s skin. “I’ve never liked you, Ryan. I don’t trust any woman who doesn’t take a cock now and again.”

“Andrew!” Lucy yelled. “Watch your language, and move her over towards the fire. She’s awake now, she may as well witness this.”

Andrew shoved Ryan forward, his hands still holding the rope around her wrists. “You heard her. Move!”

Ryan stumbled forward, the uneven terrain and her still throbbing head making balancing difficult. The heat from the fire pushed against Ryan in waves as they got closer. Andrew forced her to her knees, ensuring she was still facing Leah.

Ryan was close enough now to see that Derek was holding a makeshift torch. In his right hand was a long branch, and at the end was a thick wrapping of cloth. Oh god, they’re going to burn her alive. A sob escaped Ryan as the realization of what her aunt and uncle planned for Leah came into focus.

“This is a treat, Ryan.” Lucy rubbed her hands together as she stood glaring at Leah. “We so rarely get the opportunity to make it physical anymore.” She turned to face Ryan, and the shadows the fire cast on her face made her look crazed and possessed. Ryan thought it fitting the evil that ran rampant through her aunt, at this darkest moment, should finally be reflected on her otherwise perfect features.

Lucy walked to Derek, and took the torch from his hand. “I prefer the dunking method, but alas I’m fresh out of cucking stools, and this one would take too eagerly to the water anyway.” She thrust the torch into the center of the fire.

Ryan pulled against her restraints, her eyes locked on her lover. Leah’s light green eyes seemed almost calm, her face and body relaxed as Lucy moved toward her, torch in hand. “This has been too long in coming, Leah.” Lucy lowered the torch to the ground next to Leah’s bound feet.

Ryan cried out, and stumbling to her feet, charged her aunt. Lowering her shoulder, Ryan slammed into the woman’s lower back, sending her and the torch crashing to the ground. Ryan watched in horror as the torch rolled to within a foot of Leah, aggressive flames immediately shooting up around the restrained woman. It was clear Lucy and Derek had spread some type of accelerant around the base of the tree.

Lucy cried out, and rolling onto her knees, struck Ryan with the back of her hand across the cheek. A second later, there was a crushing weight on top of Ryan’s midsection as Derek pounced on her, his hands around her throat. Ryan’s head pounded as her blood was squeezed from her neck, and her windpipe nearly crushed.

“Enough!” Lucy’s voice broke through the pounding in Ryan’s ears. “Get off her.”

As suddenly as the vise around her throat had been there, it was gone. Gasping for breath, Ryan craned her head back toward Leah, terrified at what she might see. Her tear and smoke filled eyes struggled to focus. Ryan could see that Leah was not engulfed in flames, nor was she writhing in agony from the fire’s heat.

Leah stood perfectly still, her eyes wide as the flames formed a tall cylinder shape around her, unable to penetrate whatever water or ice barrier Leah cocooned herself in. Ryan heard a series of cracks as if glass were about to shatter, and a second later, Leah brought her hands around from behind the tree.

The ropes, coated in a thick casing of ice, dropped from her wrists. The brittle pieces shattered as they hit the ground. The restraints on Leah’s ankles followed suit and fell to the ground as well. Holding her hands palms up in front of her, Leah extended her arms into the fire. The air from above the flames seemingly pushed the flames down, smothering them into the dirt at the base of the tree.

Pulling the leather strap away from her mouth, Leah threw it to the ground. “It’s over, Lucy. Please, I don’t want to hurt you.”

Lucy stood, her back to the fire, her eyes narrowed, a demonic smile spread across her lips. “You don’t tell me when it’s over.” She looked at Andrew and nodded.

The man charged toward Leah, and tackled her to the ground. Before Ryan could get to her feet to help Leah, Derek had grabbed a handful of her hair, and pushed her flat to the ground. Ryan screamed as Andrew, straddling Leah’s waist, struck the woman twice across the face with the back of his hand.

Wrapping his hands around Leah’s neck, the stout man leaned forward, putting all of his weight on the smaller woman’s throat. Just then Andrew sneezed, once, twice, and the third time he shifted back just enough that Leah was able to get her hands around his wrists.

Andrew screamed, his deep baritone cries filling the night. Falling to Leah’s side, Ryan could see the man’s wrists were red, the skin blistered and already beginning to slide away from the underlying muscle and tissue.

In an instant Leah was kneeling in front of Andrew, her hand around his throat. A second later and the man fell backwards to the ground. He scratched and pulled at his throat, his cries sounding choked and gargled. The skin on the front of his throat began to redden and then blister. Leah had burned him from the inside out, and now muscle and tissue began to pucker and swell from within.

“No!” Derek rushed past Ryan toward Leah, but before he could reach the woman, she placed her hand flat on the ground in front of her. Derek tripped, the damp earth beneath him shifting, and the dirt was replaced with a thick sheet of ice. Slipping backwards, Derek’s head slammed against the ground. Rolling to his side, he grabbed at the back of his head, his hand now covered in blood.

Reaching into his back pocket, Derek pulled a wood handled, single blade pocket knife from behind him. Opening the four inch blade, he managed to get to his knees as he repeatedly slipped on the ice beneath him.

“You hold still, and I’ll make this quick.” Derek seethed as he began crawling toward Leah.

Laying her other hand on the ice, Leah glared at the man. “Please stop. I don’t want to do this.”

Derek, unfazed, continued his slow progress forward, his movements reminiscent of a man trapped in quicksand. Leah closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face. Derek smirked, emboldened by Leah’s distress. Then his eyes widened. Trying to lift his hand from the ice, Derek grunted as the appendage was now frozen to the sheet of ice.

Derek pulled up with all his strength, the skin on his palm remaining frozen to the sheet of ice, peeling free as he ripped his hand loose. The man screamed, and with the knife extended toward Leah, lunged forward. His knees also frozen to the ice, Derek landed flat on his face.

Ryan watched in both horror and amazement as ice began to form along her uncle’s stomach and then moved up his sides. Seconds later, the man was completely encased in a thick sheath of ice. Unable to move or breathe, Ryan could see Derek’s face through the clear ice. His eyes went wide with fear and panic. Ryan turned her head, unable to stomach the sight.

A screech filled the air as Lucy charged toward Leah, kicking the woman square in the lower back. Leah cried out, and rolled away from Lucy. Wielding the torch, Lucy swung the branch at Leah. A split second before making contact with the side of Leah’s head, Leah rolled to the side and the torch struck her in the shoulder. Embers flew, lighting up the night.

Ryan pushed herself up to her knees, and taking several deep breaths, managed to stand. Her legs felt weak and she thought her feet might slide out from under her as she stumbled toward Lucy and Leah.

“Aunt Lucy, stop!” Ryan squared her shoulders as she stared down her aunt.

Lucy turned, her eyes wide, her mouth skewed in a scowl as she glared at her niece. “This started long before you, Ryan. Leave now if you don’t have the stomach for it.”

Ryan took a step toward Lucy. Her throat was dry and her body ached. She looked at Leah, who lay clutching her shoulder on the ground. Ryan couldn’t believe the carnage her family had wrought upon themselves, Leah, and her. “You can’t think I would just walk away and let you kill someone I love.”

“You should love me more!” Lucy screamed. “Our family, the generations before us - they’re who we owe everything to.”

Ryan shook her head. “I - we - don’t owe anybody anything, Aunt Lucy.” She wanted the woman to see that, to know her life was whatever she made of it, not what a history of half-truths and lies dictated.

Shaking her head, Lucy reached into her back pocket, revealing a knife identical to Derek’s. She held it out for Ryan to see. “She’s an abomination, Ryan. Help me destroy her.”

“I’ve lost you then?”

Ryan’s question triggered a softening of Lucy’s hardened expression, and she lowered the knife. “No, sweetie. That’s the whole point.” Lucy took a step toward Ryan. “We’re family, and that’s forever.”

Ryan knew in that moment her aunt was gone. Whatever hope she had of convincing the woman murder was not the answer was beyond either of them. Ryan looked past her aunt, toward Leah who had managed to get to her knees, blood trickling from the right corner of her mouth. The two women’s eyes met, and Ryan nodded her head. A pained expression crossed Leah’s face, her eyes filling with tears as she raised her hand.

Lucy’s mouth opened, her eyes widening as the moisture in the air around her was superheated by Leah. The woman dropped the knife and grabbed at her throat as the scalding air scorched and burned its way down into her lungs. The fringes of her shawl and dark blonde hair singed from the heat.

Lucy collapsed to her knees. Her eyes bulged and her pale skin reddened as she stared, unseeing, into the distance. Falling forward, Lucy lay dead.

A sob escaped Leah as she sank down into a seated position on the ground, her legs bent under her. Her shoulders hung as she stared at Lucy’s lifeless body. Ryan stood motionless. Time seemed to have slowed down, and she wondered if she were going into some type of shock as her body felt almost numb.

Then Leah was behind Ryan. Her hands trembled as she struggled to untie Ryan’s wrists. Blood rushed back into Ryan’s hands as Leah dropped the rope to the ground. Turning around, Ryan and Leah’s eyes met. Each woman was crying, and neither was able to speak.

Leah finally took Ryan’s hands in hers. Examining the deep cuts the rope had made in her wrists, Leah winced. “Are you okay? Do we need to get you to a hospital?” Leah’s voice was weak, uncertain.

Ryan shook her head, still feeling as if everything were moving in slow motion. “I – I think I’m okay. Are you? I mean are you okay?”

Leah began to cry, her shoulders shaking as she was consumed with sobbing. “No – my god, I’ve just killed three people!”

Leah collapsed to the ground again. Ryan knelt in front of her, pulling her close. “They were trying to kill you.”

Leah shook her head, her breath hot against the side of Ryan’s face. “I should have run, I should have left this place before it came to this.”

Ryan leaned back, holding Leah by the shoulders. “Don’t say that! They came after you, not the other way around.”

Leah sniffled, her sobs giving way to a constant stream of tears. “What do we do now?”

Ryan pulled the woman back into her arms, and scanned the horrific scene. The fire continued to cast the clearing in both light and shadow. The ice casing around Derek had begun to melt from its heat, and Andrew lay lifeless near the tree line, his hands still clutched to his charred throat.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Ryan finally managed to speak. “We could call the police, but I don’t know what we could tell them that wouldn’t risk your safety.”

Leah pushed back from Ryan, stood up, and turned away. “That doesn’t matter. People have died. Let them come.”

Ryan got up, and cringed, the muscles of her back tightening in a series of spasms from where she had been kicked and tackled. “Don’t be naïve. This isn’t just about you.” Ryan took Leah’s hand and turned her around. “You can’t be the only one, and once this is out, what happens to everyone else like you?”

Leah chewed nervously on the inside of her lower lip, her eyes darting back and forth as she considered Ryan’s words. “Then what do you suggest?”

“Where exactly are we?” Ryan looked up at the night sky. The stars were fairly pronounced, and she imagined they must be some distance from Baltimore.

“They had me in the trunk of their car.” Leah crossed her arms over her chest and shivered. “So I’m not sure.”

A fresh wave of disgust and disbelief with her family washed over Ryan as she realized Leah had been in the trunk of the Lincoln when she had driven past the parked vehicle near Leah’s house. Pushing past the almost overwhelming desire to go fetal, Ryan walked quickly toward Lucy’s body.

Turning the lifeless woman over, Ryan began going through the woman’s pockets. Leah walked up behind her. “What are you doing?”

“My phone is dead, and I don’t suppose they let you keep yours.” Ryan pulled her aunt’s iPhone from the back pocket of her slacks. “First, let’s use the GPS on her phone to figure out where we’re at, and then we can go from there.”

Ryan stood up, and powered the phone on. “Crap.”

Leah stepped next to her, peering at the illuminated screen. “What?”

“It’s password protected.” Ryan’s hands dropped to her sides in defeat.

“You have no idea what it might be?” Leah took the phone from Ryan’s hand.

Ryan started to say no, but then a thought, a memory popped into her mind. She took the phone back from Leah, and tapped the screen. “Got it.”

“What – how did you know?” Leah asked in amazement.

Ryan shrugged. “I know my aunt, and more importantly I know what my aunt values – valued.” Ryan frowned at the past tense. “Allerton – all caps.”

Leah wrapped her arm around Ryan’s waist, looking over the younger woman’s shoulder as she navigated to the map application.

“We’re in Patapsco Valley State Park; so not quite as close to your house as I had thought.” Ryan held the phone up so Leah could better see the screen. “So about four miles north of Oella.” Ryan studied the map closely, committing the route they needed to get back to Leah’s house to memory. Kneeling next to Lucy’s body, Ryan slipped the phone back into the woman’s pocket.

“Now what?” Leah shivered. Even though it was May, she was in a thin t-shirt and shorts, and the cold was getting to her.

Ryan pulled Leah close, and rubbed her hands up and down the woman’s back in an effort to warm her. “As she did, she felt heat begin to radiate off of Leah’s body. “Are you okay?” Ryan held Leah at arm’s length while looking her up and down.

“I can self-regulate my body temperature.” Leah shrugged. “Comes in handy every once in a while.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “That’s a neat trick, but do you know where the car is?”

Leah chuckled. “About thirty yards through the trees. They must have left the main road, and driven down one of the dirt service roads.”

Ryan nodded. “We need to get all of them back into the car.”

Leah pulled away from Ryan, a shocked expression on her dirt streaked face. “Why?!”

“We can’t just leave them out here. Whatever people think happened to them, it has to look like an accident, and there can be no ties to you or me.” Ryan felt a wave of grief crash over her, and she struggled to stay focused on what needed to be done. She grieved for her family, and her heart broke for Carol, who had lost her parents and her brother in one horrific night – and didn’t even know it.

Leah hung her head, crossing her arms over her chest. “You can’t do this. You can’t protect me.”

Ryan grabbed Leah by the upper arms. Her words were quick and breathless as she spoke. “Listen to me! I don’t want to keep having this debate with you while I have to stage a car accident so people think my family died while sightseeing in Maryland.” Ryan didn’t realize it until she paused to take a breath that she was crying. “So I need you to help me, not keep straying back to the guilt.” Ryan released Leah. “I won’t lose you on top of everything else.”

Leah’s eyes were wide as Ryan’s words slammed into her. “I – how can you – why would you –”

Ryan took a step back from Leah, and using the sleeve of her dirtied and tattered blouse, wiped at her face. “I love you.”

Sniffling, Ryan looked up at the clear night sky, taking a deep breath. “My mother, my aunt, uncle, cousin – Carol. There’s been too many sacrifices for the sanctity of the Myers family causes.” Ryan leveled her gaze on Leah, a sudden and unexpected calm wrapping around her. “I won’t sacrifice you too.”

Leah stood speechless. The dimming light of the fire was making it difficult for Ryan to see her expression, but Leah didn’t run screaming. Instead Leah walked over to the fire, and with a slow wave of her hand over the flames, the clearing was plunged into relative darkness.

“We should move the men first, they’re the heaviest.” Leah said flatly as she walked toward Andrew’s body.

Chapter 17

Ryan and Leah walked into Leah’s house a little after three in the morning. Both women were exhausted. After putting Lucy, Derek and Andrew’s bodies into the Lincoln, they had driven the car back onto the Baltimore National Pike, the state park’s main road.

Based on the map Ryan had seen, she navigated the car to the Miller Run Bridge. While Leah waited on the side of the road, Ryan, sitting half in and half out of the car with Derek’s body leaning against her, managed to get the vehicle into drive. She jumped clear of the Lincoln before it went off the road, careened over the retaining wall, and landed upside down at the point where Miller Run Creek merged with the Patapsco River.

Ryan had watched countless films where a car was sent over a cliff or off a bridge, the driver diving from the vehicle at the last minute. The actual act was far less lavish. The late hour and the relative remoteness of the bridge, had left the night eerily quiet. The silence had been broken by the low hum of the car’s engine, and its subsequent crash through the guardrail and into the river bed below.

The true cinematics had come as Leah had stepped to the bridge railing. Holding her hands out in front of her, Leah heated the air around the vehicle and the water in the creek bed until the car’s gas tank exploded, and the car was engulfed in flames.

Leah and Ryan had taken off in a full sprint from the bridge, neither sure how much attention the explosion would draw. Leah’s bare feet had made a faint slapping sound as they hit the dark concrete, both women breathing heavy as they ran for nearly a half mile.

Ryan and Leah then jogged and walked the remaining four miles back to Leah’s house in silence, neither having any small talk in reserve for what had been a horrific and unreal night.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Leah asked. Standing in her kitchen, she handed Ryan a bottled water.

Ryan drank the entire bottle in one long gulp before answering. “Yes. Do you have clothes I can borrow?”

Leah nodded. “Sure.”

The two women went into Leah’s bedroom, and Leah pulled a pair of black sweat pants and an Orioles t-shirt from the bottom drawer of her dresser. She turned to hand Ryan the clothes, but then hesitated. “Ryan, you know the police will be able to tell they didn’t die from the car wreck.”

Ryan took the clothes from Leah. “I know, but let the police try to sort the discrepancies out. The fire will help mask some of the injuries.” Ryan started toward the bathroom, and then stopped. “Are you going to be okay?”

Leah looked up at Ryan. “I should be asking you that question, considering what I just did.”

Ryan tossed the clothes on the bed, and took Leah’s hands in hers. “Please stop. I don’t blame you.”

Leah squeezed Ryan’s hands gently. “Don’t you see? I have to live with it either way.”

Ryan wrapped her arms around Leah, and it seemed no matter how close she held her, it was not enough to take the pain they both felt away. “I love you so much.”

Leah lifted her head from Ryan’s shoulder, and kissed Ryan softly on the lips. “I love you.”

Ryan led Leah into the bathroom. Though the house itself was small, the master bathroom was sizable with a large walk-in shower that boasted wall to wall mounted showerheads. The tile throughout the space was slate gray, with deep blue accent tiles throughout.

Leah turned the shower on. She pulled the torn and muddied t-shirt over her head, and threw it directly in the small stainless steel trash can next to the toilet. Pulling her shorts off, she paused to find Ryan looking at her with an unreadable expression.

“What is it?” Leah asked, her voice a whisper mingled with the sound of running water.

Ryan hadn’t realized she’d been staring. She was surprised in spite of the evening, and the utter exhaustion that threatened to consume her at any moment, the telltale heat of desire still stirred in her as she looked at a very beautiful and naked Leah.

“I – you’re beautiful, and I can’t even put it into words.” Ryan rubbed her eyes. “I’m so tired.”

Leah tossed her shorts into the trash can, and reached for Ryan. Pulling her closer, Leah unbuttoned Ryan’s blouse, and pulled it off her shoulders. “Trash can, and then everything in the fire pit in the morning?”

Ryan nodded. “I like that shirt.” She watched as Leah unceremoniously threw it away. “I bought that when I was interviewing.” Ryan wasn’t sure why she was talking about this, as there seemed so many more important things to talk about. She chalked the nonsensical chatter about her attire up to being tired, and in the last pangs of shock.

Leah pointed down at Ryan’s waist. “Pants.”

Without a word, Ryan peeled the muddied and torn slacks off, and folding them, walked over and pushed them down into the trash can. Ryan unhooked her bra and removed her underwear, regretfully tossing them into the trash.

In the light of the bathroom, Ryan leaned over and looked at the cut near Leah’s hairline. “At least that’s stopped bleeding.” Ryan opened the medicine cabinet over the sink, and caught a glimpse of herself in the cabinet’s mirror. She stifled a gasp at the cuts across her face, and the puckering welts along her jawline. “Do you have some iodine or peroxide?”

Ryan felt Leah’s warm hand move along the small of her back. “You have bruises already.”

Ryan shifted, and meant to twist so she could see her back in the mirror, but thought better of it when a sharp pain shot up her left side.

Seeing Ryan flinch, Leah slowly turned the woman around. They both stepped into the shower stall. The heat of the water soothed Ryan’s back, and she could feel the muscles relaxing.

Leah moved Ryan back until she was standing under one of the shower heads. Ryan tilted her head back, the water turning a light brown as it washed the mud and blood out of her hair and off her body. Ryan stepped forward, and Leah moved around her until she was under the water. As she let the water run over her, Ryan poured liquid bath soap onto a wash cloth and cleaned around Leah’s ears and neck.

Leah did the same for Ryan, and then the two women washed each other’s hair before they rinsed off, turned the water off, and toweled off.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Leah asked as they stood in the bathroom wrapped in towels.

“Yes.” Ryan smiled, and taking the towel off, hung it on the hook next to the door before walking into the bedroom.

Leah followed, and standing on either side of the bed, each woman pulled their side of the quilt back. Ryan folded the quilt over, and noticing the inlaid blues and golds of the floret pattern, wondered if one of the residents at St. Martin’s had made it for Leah.

Slipping under the sheet and blanket, Leah turned to Ryan, and the two women wrapped themselves in each other’s arms. Ryan was exhausted, but unable to sleep. Her mind raced through the events of the night, uncertain what it meant for her and Leah’s future.

“Leah, are you still awake?” Ryan whispered the words into the top of Leah’s still damp hair.

“Yes.” Leah said, her voice sounding thick with sleep.

“What were your parents like?” Ryan wasn’t sure if she should ask the question, but it occurred to her that Leah knew so much about her family, and Ryan knew so little about hers.

“They were good parents. Henry and Cecilia. I loved them.” Leah shifted, and brought her leg up to rest on Ryan’s bare thigh.

“Did they both have your abilities?” Ryan’s body responded to the nearness of Leah, and she shifted, drawing the woman even closer to her.

“No. Men can pass the abilities on, but they never have them.” Leah said plainly.

“Your mother then?” Ryan breathed deep. Leah smelled of vanilla and soap that filled Ryan’s senses.

“She controlled fire.”

“Like Abigail?”

Ryan felt Leah smile against her shoulder. “Yes, like Abigail.”

After several minutes, Ryan could feel Leah’s breathing slow, and she knew the woman was asleep. The house was quiet except for the sound of that ticking clock. It occurred to Ryan she had never actually seen the clock, only heard it. It struck her as odd that she should hear something she had never seen.

A quiet calmness began to spread through Ryan. It was born of exhaustion, but also the confidence that she and Leah would survive this. She had to believe they hadn’t gone through hell to only stall and then fade away to nothing.

They would be that much stronger for the storms they had weathered. Ryan would not fall victim to her family’s choices. She would not lose Leah because she was bound to the crimes and selfishness of the past. The two of them deserved their own future.

***

Ryan turned over, and a thousand sharp stabs of pain rippled down her back and along her side. “Shit.” She grabbed at her lower back trying to stem the pain, only to have her head begin throbbing as she sat up.

Opening her eyes fully, Ryan looked around to see Leah wasn’t in the bed. The clock on the nightstand read one thirty four. Startled by how late she had slept, Ryan pulled the sheets back, and carefully got to her feet. The room shifted slightly, and holding her hand to the side of her face, she could feel the swelling in her left cheek.

The house was quiet as Ryan shuffled into the bathroom. After relieving herself, she stood in shock as she stared her reflection in the mirror. Yellowish-blue bruises and welts had blossomed overnight along her jaw and along her shoulders. The numerous scratches that peppered her face and neck were red and angry looking.

Still too sore to turn and completely assess the damage to her back, Ryan could see from the bruises on her shoulders that her back had taken the brunt of the abuse. Ryan washed her hands, and seeing a white terry cloth robe hanging on the back of the door, she pulled it on, and ventured into the living room.

Surprised Leah wasn’t there, Ryan scanned the room. A folded piece of paper was propped up against a stack of books on the coffee table. Grabbing the note, Ryan slowly lowered herself onto the sofa.

Ryan,

I know you said there shouldn’t be any more sacrifices, but I can’t ask you to continue to see me day in and day out knowing what I did. I know you don’t think it matters, and maybe right now it doesn’t, but I can’t deal with knowing that one day you may look at me and see the woman who murdered your family.

I know I don’t have the strength to not see you – I’m a coward on many levels – so I’ve left. Please don’t look for me, and please trust whatever heartache you may feel, it will get better. You can – in spite of what you think – forget about me.

Leah

Ryan dropped the note to the floor. Her stomach cramped, and she barely made it to the kitchen sink before vomiting. The heaving racked her already sore body with even more stabbing pain. With a trembling hand, Ryan turned the faucet on, and managed to get a few handfuls of water into her mouth before sinking to the floor.

Pulling her knees to her chest, Ryan stared blankly, her eyes filling with tears as the words of Leah’s brief and perfunctory note ran through her mind. Ryan pushed herself up off the floor, and ran into Leah’s bedroom. Pulling open the closet door, she stumbled backward when she saw all the clothes were gone.

Rushing through the house, Ryan noticed toiletries along with several family photos were missing. Ryan paused when she saw Leah’s car keys laying on the table next to the door. Frantic for any sign that the woman Ryan loved hadn’t just abandoned her, she ran outside. Ryan stared at the black Nissan still sitting in the carport in front of Ryan’s blue Honda.

She didn’t want to risk me hearing her move the cars. Ryan stumbled back into the house, picked up the phone. Not remembering the bookshop’s number, she dialed information and waited, her breath held as she was connected through.

“Portable Magic, how may I help you?” Marty’s familiar voice brought a smile to Ryan’s face.

“Hi, Marty. It’s Ryan.”

There was a long pause. “Hey, Ryan.”

Ryan couldn’t imagine Leah would just up and leave her friend and business partner without some sort of arrangements being made. Marty had to know where she was. “Do you know how I can get ahold of Leah, please?” Ryan was unable to manage the stress in her voice, and sounded slightly unhinged as she spoke.

There was another long pause, and Marty cleared his throat before speaking. “No, I’m sorry. I haven’t heard from her.”

Ryan slammed her eyes shut, and took a deep breath. “I think you have, and I know you’re her friend and I completely get that you think you’re protecting her, but –”

“I don’t want to be in the middle of this, Ryan. I’m really sorry, but I can’t.” The line clicked, and possibly the only person who knew where Leah was had just hung up on her.

Ryan dropped the phone to the floor, and collapsed into the recliner. Her eyes were filled with tears as she looked around the living room. Leah was everywhere. Her scent permeated the space. The furniture, the paintings, the books were entirely her, and yet she was gone.

Ryan wasn’t sure how much time had passed before she managed to stand up. Her legs felt weak, and her joints rubbery as she walked back into the bedroom. She had to get out of the house now, or she risked never leaving.

Discarding the robe, Ryan found the sweat pants and t-shirt from the night before. After she was dressed, she looked around for shoes. A sole pair of flip-flops remained on the floor of the closet. Slipping them on, Ryan rushed toward the front door.

Her hand rested on the doorknob, her eyes fixed straight ahead. Her courage faltered, and she backed away from the door. You’ll never be back in this house. You’ll never see her again. Leah’s note was so definitive and cold, Ryan hardly recognized it as the woman she loved.

The idea to walk out the door sprung into Ryan’s mind, and almost independent of her will and desire to simply fade away, she found herself outside. The early afternoon sun shone down on Ryan, and looking up, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. A slight breeze blew through the trees, and its coolness felt good on Ryan’s sore and battered skin.

Ryan felt a surge of bitterness that there should be such a perfect day when something so wretched had happened. Driven by this, Ryan marched toward her car, and was halfway back to Baltimore before the anger gave way to hurt.

“Jesus Christ! What the hell happened to you?!” Nicole jumped up off the couch, her eyes wide with fright as she took in Ryan’s tattered state.

Greg came around the corner from the kitchen. “Shit! Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Ryan stood in the entryway of her house, the trappings of her life seeming made up to her in light of the past forty-eight hours. “I’m okay. Leah and I were hiking yesterday afternoon, and I fell. No worries.”

Ryan started toward the stairs, but Nicole stepped in front of her. Her hand was on Ryan’s forearm and she examined the woman’s face. “Did you go to the hospital? I mean have you seen yourself?”

Greg put his hand on Ryan’s back. “Let me drive you.”

Ryan shook her head. “I’m okay.”

Nicole’s jaw set. “You are not okay, Ryan. You look terrible, we haven’t been able to get ahold of you since yesterday. What’s happened?”

Ryan’s eyes filled with tears. The answer to her friend’s simple question seemed too overwhelming to even contemplate right now. What had happened was too much. Too much to think about, too much to talk about, too much.

“I just need to sleep for a few hours and then we can talk.” Ryan managed a weak smile, the cuts along her lips burning as the skin stretched across her mouth.

Nicole looked over Ryan’s shoulder at Greg, and then back at Ryan, her eyes filled with hesitancy and worry. “Okay, but I’m checking on you in an hour.”

Ryan, relieved for the short reprieve, nodded and walked up the stairs. Reaching her bedroom, her legs ached from the exertion of climbing the steps, and she collapsed onto her bed. The impact of the mattress against her bruised body brought tears to her eyes as she drifted off to sleep.

***

Ryan handed the valet attendant her car keys, and walked towards Pazo, an upscale Mediterranean eatery located in the Fells Point neighborhood near downtown Baltimore. Ascending the wrought iron stairs leading to the restaurant’s entrance, Ryan winced. Though it had been over two weeks since that horrific night in the woods, her legs and back still pained her, and the bruises and scratches were only now beginning to fade.

“Good evening.” The hostess, who was wearing a basic black cocktail dress accented by a strand of silver pearls, smiled warmly at Ryan.

“Hello. I’m meeting someone. Myers-Howland.” Ryan scanned the restaurant for her cousin. Pazo was a renovated warehouse with two story ceiling, wrought iron chandeliers, and décor accented with silver and jewel-toned furnishing and art work.

“Of course. Ms. Myers-Howland has already arrived. The two of you will be in the Avellion room this evening. If you’ll follow me please.”

Ryan was nervous enough about seeing her cousin, but the fact she – like her mother – insisted on reserving private dining rooms in lieu of eating with the proverbial masses, annoyed Ryan. To make matters worse, the room was massive. Clearly intended for a party of ten or more, Carol sat at the far end of the long, rectangular dining table with the menu held in front of her face.

The hostess sat Ryan, and it wasn’t until she left that Carol put her menu down and looked at Ryan for the first time. Her mouth was turned downward as she assessed the scratches and bruises on Ryan’s face. Lifting her hand, Carol made as if she were going to touch Ryan’s face, but she rested her hand on the table instead.

“Are you okay?” Carol asked. Her efforts to sound resolved and distant failed as her voice cracked, and tears filled her eyes.

Ryan swallowed the lump in her throat. Before she could answer, a middle aged redheaded woman entered the room. She was wearing a pair of black slacks, black leather heels, and a white, fitted button-up shirt.

“Good evening, ladies. I’m Janelle and I’ll be assisting you this evening. Can I get you something to drink?”

Carol turned her face away, not wanting the stranger to see she was crying. Ryan covered Carol’s hand with hers, and clearing her throat, managed a smile for the waitress. “Yes. Two Tanqueray and tonics, please.”

Janelle looked hesitantly at Carol, but only nodded at Ryan before leaving the room. Carol pulled her hand from Ryan’s and dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the black linen napkin from her lap. Reaching for the glass of water in front of her, Carol took a long drink.

“This is hard.” Ryan said. She didn’t know what else to say. The police had found the Lincoln the day after Ryan had pushed the bodies of her family off the bridge. They had contacted Carol, and she had called Ryan.

The conversation had been halted and strained. Carol not wanting to know too much, and Ryan worried she would say too much. Ryan had been consumed with guilt over what had happened, and the obvious pain Carol was in. They hadn’t been able to get past the obligatory discussion about getting Carol’s parents and brother back to New York, what to say to the media, and what other arrangements had to be made.

“How were the funerals?” Ryan picked nervously at the hem of her napkin. Carol and Ryan had decided it was best if Ryan didn’t attend the services in New York. The media coverage was scrutiny enough. Carol didn’t feel she had the fortitude to stand next to Ryan and feign ignorance of her cousin’s role in the death of her family.

“Exhausting.” Carol managed as she regained her composure.

Ryan frowned. “I loved them.”

Carol shook her head. “I don’t see how that can be true.”

Ryan struggled to keep her voice low. “You weren’t there. They were trying to ki –”

Anger flashed across Carol’s eyes. “Don’t you dare defend her!” Realizing how loud she had been, Carol lowered her voice. “Don’t you dare tell me what she did was okay.”

Ryan leaned back in her chair just as Janelle returned with their drinks. “Ladies, we have a few off menu items this evening.”

Ryan looked up at the woman, and smiled. “Could I trouble you to give us a few minutes, please?”

Sensing the tension between the two women, Janelle seemed all too happy to be excused. “Certainly.”

Ryan turned her attention back to Carol, who was drinking eagerly from her gin and tonic. “Don’t you even want to know what happened?”

Carol shook her head and slammed the nearly empty glass down on the table. “You mean the version you and she concocted to mask the murder of three people? No – I’ll pass, thanks.”

Ryan gasped. “You can’t believe I would do that?”

Carol shrugged, unable to make eye contact with Ryan. “Two weeks ago, no. But now – all the evidence points to yes.”

Ryan reached for Carol’s hand, wanting desperately to set things straight. She couldn’t lose her cousin on top of everything else. Her affection was rebuffed as Carol moved her hand, reaching for her glass instead. Ryan pulled her hand back into her lap, and the two women sat in an unbearable silence.

“I should tell the police.” Carol spoke casually, her voice even as she stared at her now empty glass.

A wave of panic washed over Ryan, her face feeling flush with it. She didn’t know what Carol was playing at, but the idea she would even consider turning Ryan and Leah in galled Ryan, and she nearly hissed the words when she spoke.

“You do that, Carol. You tell them that your parents and brother kidnapped a woman with the intent to burn her alive because they believed she’s a witch.” Ryan tossed her napkin on the table, the conversation turning her stomach.

Carol’s eyes shot up, her face red with anger. “You’re not the only one that can spin a good tale. It wouldn’t be that difficult to turn them onto her, and let the rest fall as it may.”

Ryan grabbed Carol’s wrist, her fingers digging into the woman’s skin. “Do you think this is a game?”

Carol wrenched her arm loose from Ryan. “I know exactly what this is. You’ve let your love for this woman blind you to everything you’ve lost.”

“What have I lost, Carol, that hadn’t already been taken from me?” Ryan countered.

“Me!” Tears streamed down Carol’s cheeks. “I can’t know you any more, Ryan. I can’t see you and know you were involved in the murder of my parents and brother.” Carol wiped at her face, her mascara darkening the space below her eyes.

Ryan’s heart felt as if it were pounding in the back of her throat. Carol had been like her sister. She had confided everything to her, trusted her more than she trusted herself sometimes. Now, she was losing her.

Carol laid her napkin on the table, and stood up. “I love you, but I won’t pretend for the rest of our lives.”

Ryan got up, and hurried around the table. “Who’s pretending? I just want you to hear the truth.”

Carol pointed at her, a gesture that reminded Ryan of Lucy. “You mean your truth. The one that paints our – my family as vicious murders. No!”

Carol grabbed her purse. “And so you know, I may not be able to get the police involved, but you know all too well our family has been managing those – things for millennia.” Pulling the leather strap of her purse over her shoulder, Carol made for the door.

“Carol, wait.” Ryan walked quickly to catch up with Carol, not sure what she was going to say.

Pausing at the door, Carol took a deep breath before turning to face Ryan. “What?”

Ryan stood in front of her cousin, shoulders slumped. “Please don’t do this.”

Carol’s expression softened. The harshness in her eyes gave way to compassion, but only for a moment. “Tell Leah to watch her back.” Carol meant to storm out, but seeing the confused and hurt expression that covered her cousin’s face, she stopped. “You don’t know where she is, do you?”

Ryan hadn’t wanted to share this with Carol. She knew it was unreasonable, but Ryan felt something akin to shame over Leah abandoning her. “I – she –”

Carol shook her head. “Wow. My mother was right about that too. She is a coward, and she runs at the slightest sign of danger or when she might have to own what she is.”

Ryan couldn’t bring herself to defend Leah, and that alone made her sick with regret. Her feelings about Leah leaving her were still too raw, and a toxic mixture of hurt and anger; so she held her tongue.

“Goodbye, Ryan.” Carol’s voice cracked, and tears streamed down her face anew.

Ryan only managed a weak nod as another woman she loved left her.

Epilogue

“Are you game for another drink?” Donnie asked Ryan. The two were sitting at a high top table in Boston’s North Star sports bar. The bar was located in the West End, and it was still early enough in the evening that Ryan could actually hear her boss over the background noise of the bar.

“No thanks. I think I’ll head back to the hotel.” Ryan was in Boston for a conference on renewable resources and their utilization in food and housing welfare programs. She was pleased to have been selected for the trip as it was indicative of the confidence both Donnie and his seniors had in her.

It had been over a year since she had last seen Leah, and she had been grateful for the distraction work offered. In that time she had been able to institute three new initiatives around affordable housing, and had improved several existing programs, including the Healthy Kids, Healthy Schools program.

Ryan felt her phone buzzing in her back pocket. “Excuse me, Donnie. I’m going to take this outside so I can hear.” The man smiled and nodded, his attention focused on the Orioles and Yankees game playing on one of the twenty flat screen televisions that hung around the bar.

“Hey! How are you?” Ryan exited the bar, and stepped out into the cool night air of Boston. The bar sat along a well trafficked street, and Ryan had to dodge several pedestrians before reaching the edge of the sidewalk.

“Hey yourself, maid of honor.” Nicole gushed. “Just a heads-up, I’m sending you pictures of dress samples to look at, so check your email in about a half hour.”

Ryan smiled. Greg and Nicole had become engaged three months prior, and in spite of Ryan’s initial apprehension about being in the wedding party, Nicole had won her over by promising Ryan could have her pick of dresses.

“You’re not sending me anything with ruffles right? I don’t do ruffles.” Ryan joked.

Nicole laughed. “Jesus, do you think I got engaged and went stupid? I don’t do ruffles. That’s Greg’s thing.” Ryan heard noise in the background, and Nicole yelping. “I was kidding! Get off me!”

Though Ryan had been surprised to find out her two friends were dating, and had nearly fallen over when they told her they were getting married, she couldn’t remember seeing either of them happier than they were together.

The three friends had agreed that Ryan would move out of the row house. She wanted to stay in the Canton neighborhood and had been looking for a house to buy for close to a month. To Nicole and Greg’s delight, Mrs. Grady had offered to sell them the row house Nicole and Ryan currently shared, and for a small percentage under the appraised value.

Much to Ryan’s surprise, Nicole hadn’t told Greg about Ryan’s inheritance. It wasn’t until they were discussing the housing situation that it even came up. Greg had been, like Nicole, unfazed by the news. Ryan had been so encouraged by his reaction, she had asked Greg if he could recommend someone in his firm to help her with the liquidation of several of the properties.

“Several?” Greg had asked one afternoon as they all sat around watching TruTV’s World’s Dumbest Inventions 13.

“Five.” Ryan had taken a drink of her Natty Boh. “I want to use the proceeds to start and fund a series of halfway houses along the East coast. Specifically for families. A lot of times when one parent loses their job, the family is separated because of gender restrictions in shelters.”

Ryan had thought of how Leah’s family had struggled, and she shuddered to think of how many more families had met the Brewers’ fate because of her family. The network of houses seemed like a start to offsetting the centuries of damage.

“I can arrange for you to meet with Ben Kelly. He’s an estate attorney, and a nice guy.” Greg had arranged the meeting the next week. Over the next seven months each of Ryan’s houses had been sold, and trusts established that supported ten shelter houses from New York City down to St. Augustine, Florida.

Ryan had been thankful for the intricacy involved in setting the trusts up, and determining managers for each. The selection of the cities that would house each shelter had been a process of identifying where the need was the greatest, and either building or buying houses in each market. All of this, though terribly important, was also a welcome distraction from the hurt and grief she continued to struggle with.

After Leah disappeared, Ryan had tumbled into the worst sadness she could have imagined. She had hardly ate or slept for weeks. She had managed to maintain her work and little else, though there were days she had wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and sob uncontrollably.

Nicole and Greg, through kindness and eventually tough love, pulled her up and out of her funk. She had not been a gracious patient, and looking back, wondered why they had tolerated her sullen, hostile attitude.

Eventually though, Ryan found her way back to something akin to her old self. She had been so miserable and racked with sorrow, but in the end, life had pushed its way back into her heart. She had even worked up the interest and courage to start dating again, and though she held no illusions to finding someone as remarkable as Leah, Ryan took credit for at least getting back out into the world.

Ryan had come to accept that she was now two women. One was excited and involved in the world around her. Someone who was helping her best friends plan their wedding, and someone who was making her way through the pitfalls of professional life to make a difference in the world around her.

Then there was the other woman. One desperate and confused by the loss of a love – the love. Ryan was less fond of this person, and spent a tremendous amount of energy concealing her from the world. This other woman did take comfort in the hope that someday she might step to the other side of her despair.

Ryan hung up from Nicole and slid her phone back into her pocket. Turning back toward the bar, her attention was drawn to a familiar face in the crowd. Leah’s friend Pam, talking on her phone, passed directly in front of Ryan.

When Marty had refused to tell Ryan where Leah was, Ryan had found Pam on the internet. She had hoped the woman would give her some clue where Leah might be, or at least tell her if she was okay. Ultimately, calls and emails were left unanswered, and Ryan realized Pam’s loyalties, rightfully so, laid with Leah.

Glancing through the plate glass windows of the bar, Ryan could see Donnie sitting at their table typing on his phone, and sipping his Dewar’s and water. Not wanting to lose Pam in the crowd, Ryan pulled her phone out as she followed behind her.

I need to head back to the hotel. Nothing too serious, but I need my laptop to send a few emails. See you at breakfast in the morning. Night. Ryan quickly texted Donnie, and then fell into step several yards behind Pam.

As best Ryan could tell, the woman hadn’t seen her. She seemed thoroughly engrossed in her conversation and unaware, even now, that Ryan was following her. Pam walked south on Friend Street, crossing over New Chardon Street. Looking ahead, Ryan could see the woman was walking toward the T station at Haymarket.

Am I going to be the person that follows a practical stranger home, and then accost her in her doorway demanding she tell me where a woman I haven’t seen in over a year is? Ryan paused at the station’s entrance as Pam disappeared down the stairway.

You bet your ass I am. Resolved to see her interaction with Pam through, Ryan trotted down the steps. Grateful Donnie had talked her into buying a three day T pass, Ryan swiped the thin paper card at the turnstile, and followed Pam onto the orange line train.

Ryan sat near the opposite end of the train car. There were less than twenty people in the car. Ryan was anxious Pam would see her if she sat too close, or worse, Ryan might lose sight of Pam if she lagged too far behind.

In the end, Ryan watched Pam closely from a safe distance, and with several other commuters in between them. Ryan’s concerns seemed moot as Pam had ended her earlier call and was now texting with little regard for her surroundings.

After two stops, the train slowed, and an automated woman’s voice announced the train was arriving at the Sullivan Square stop. Pam glanced up at the scrolling display, and gathering her purse, exited the train. Ryan waited as long as she could before exiting, nervous the car doors would close and she would lose Pam.

Ryan maintained a safe distance as Pam left the station. Ryan wasn’t familiar with this part of Boston. She pulled her phone out, and its GPS informed her she was in the Boston suburb of Somerville. Pam walked up Perkins Street for two blocks before turning right on Mt. Pleasant Street.

The street was lined with row houses, some having been converted into multiple unit apartments while others remained single family homes. Ryan would classify the neighborhood as older, but well maintained. It reminded her of her neighborhood in Canton.

Pam walked up the stairs to a modest, gray house with slat siding, and a chain link fence in front of it. Ryan stood across the street and down several houses, her heart was pounding, and she was trying to think through what she wanted to say to Pam to convince her to tell her where Leah was.

After nearly ten minutes, and deciding she had nothing to lose if Pam told her to piss off, Ryan walked across the street. Her legs felt heavy as she walked up the stairs. Pausing, she took a deep breath before pressing the pewter button for the door chime.

A series of bells rang inside the house, followed by a click and then the door opened. Ryan’s breath caught. She had expected Pam to answer, but instead, Leah was standing in front of her, wearing a pair of dark jeans and a snug fitting black V-neck t-shirt.

Both women looked at each other, neither able to speak. “Leah, who is it?” Pam’s voice came from somewhere inside the house.

Leah, visibly shaken, swallowed before speaking. “It’s Ryan.”

A moment later, Pam was standing behind Leah. “Ryan. Hi.” Pam looked at Ryan, a faint smile on her lips as she turned to Leah. “Shouldn’t you invite her in?”

Ryan’s brain was beginning to catch up with the rest of the world, and she managed to speak. “I saw you –” She looked at Pam. “I saw you down on Friend Street.”

Pam frowned. “You followed me all the way here?”

It wasn’t lost on Ryan that Leah had still not spoken to her. “Yeah. Sorry.” Ryan didn’t know what else to say.

“Well, come in.” Pam pushed back a still clearly stunned Leah, and took Ryan’s hand. Ryan and Leah’s shoulders touched as Pam was ushering her through the door. The spark of heat that Ryan had spent so long trying to forget shot through her. She felt a tightness pushing at the back of her throat.

“Shut the door, Leah.” Pam guided Ryan out of the entryway, and into a small sitting room to the left of the main hallway. The house was simple. It had oak hardwood floors, the walls were painted a pale blue and adorned with a myriad of framed artwork. The scent of musk and sandalwood wafted over Ryan as Pam offered her a seat.

“Would you like a drink? Coffee, tea – bourbon?” Pam grinned as she emphasized the latter choice.

Though Ryan was tempted by the calming effect the bourbon would no doubt have on her frazzled nerves, she thought it best to keep her wits about her. “Water would be fine.”

As Pam exited the room, Leah stepped into the doorway. She was as beautiful as Ryan remembered. “You cut your hair.”

Leah ran her fingers through her short blonde tresses. “Oh, yeah. About four months ago.”

Ryan nodded. “I like it.”

Leah chewed nervously on her lower lip. “Thanks. You – you look good.”

“Thanks.”

Pam came back in with two glasses of water. She handed one to Ryan, and sat the other one down on the small round end table next to Ryan. “If you two need anything, let me know.”

Leah narrowed her eyes at Pam, and the woman shrugged before leaving the room. Ryan heard footsteps, and assumed Pam had gone upstairs.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be here.” Ryan took a tentative sip of her water, wishing Leah would actually step into the room instead of just lingering in the doorway.

“I’ve been staying here for about six months.” Her tone was efficient with no emotional undertones. Ryan was reminded of their exchange in Leah’s house before they made love for the first time. The memory of being with Leah sent a bolt of heat to Ryan’s stomach.

“Where had you been bef –”

“Look, Ryan.” Leah interrupted. “I don’t want to go through all this again with you. I’ve made my peace with what I did, and with us. I wish you could be mature enough to do the same.”

Leah’s words hit Ryan like a slap in the face, and she had to push past her anger and hurt before she could speak. “I don’t believe you.”

Leah exhaled loudly, and finally stepped into the room, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. “I don’t know how many ways we can have this conversation before you start listening to me?”

Ryan stood up. “At least once, since we never really discussed it. You left me a crappy note that had all the warmth of an IRS audit notice, and disappeared.”

Leah’s eyes narrowed. “I knew from the conversation the night before you didn’t understand what I was dealing with, and never would.”

Ryan sat back down, and crossed her legs. “I didn’t realize among your many powers you could also read minds.” The sarcasm flowed freely, driven by a year’s worth of hurt and anger. “And I almost forgot – telling the future, if you just knew I could never understand.”

Leah hesitated, clearly choosing her words carefully. “I – I deserve that, but it doesn’t change anything. And you’re still not listening to me.”

Ryan stood up. “I’ll start listening to you when you tell me the truth, and stop lying about how you feel and what you want.” Her tone was tight, but Ryan managed not to raise her voice.

The muscle in Leah’s jaw jumped. “I’ll admit that when I left my house that morning I was a wreck. I could barely look at myself in the mirror, and I was already miserable without you.” Leah took a breath. “But it got better, Ryan. I got better.”

Ryan fought back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her, desperately needing Leah not to mean what Ryan thought she was hearing. “Then – you, don’t –”

“I’m not in love with you anymore.” Leah said flatly. “I haven’t been for a while.”

Ryan felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. She sat down in the chair, the room spinning. The tears that had been threatening to break free finally did, and Ryan struggled to breathe as the hopes she had clung to for the past year shattered.

Leah’s expression was calm. She didn’t make a move to comfort Ryan as the younger woman sat crying. “Take as long as you need.” Leah turned and left the room abruptly.

Ryan clutched at her stomach, nausea causing her to double over in pain. A warm hand was on her back, and Ryan looked up, hopeful it was Leah.

“She’s lying to you.” Pam’s voice was low and intimate as she sat down next to Ryan. “She’s been a wreck since she got here. I can only imagine it was worse before.”

Ryan wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. “She said –”

Pam rolled her eyes and sighed. “Look, I understood where she was coming from, but now – after watching her be so miserable without you – I think she’s just wrong.”

“But why would she say those horrible things to me?” Ryan cringed.

“She can be a shit when she gets things stuck in her head.” Pam offered. “She lost so much when she was younger, and so cruelly. She’s scared, and convinced that what happened with your aunt, uncle and cousin will always be between you two. I’ve known her a long time, and –” Pam looked pensively at the ceiling.

“She had made so many promises to herself about how she would, and would not use her power, to have to use it to end someone’s life is nearly more than she can bear.”

Ryan reached for the glass of water, and took a long drink. “Where’s her room?”

Pam smiled, and patted Ryan on the back. “Good form. Up the stairs, first door to the right.”

Ryan got up, still feeling shaky from the emotional onslaught she had just weathered. “Thank you.”

Pam nodded. “Good luck.”

Ryan didn’t think luck would have anything to do with it. Emboldened with the knowledge that Leah still loved her, or at least didn’t actively hate her, Ryan would not let Leah side step the conversation that was a year in the making.

Ryan climbed the stairs. It was only after a car alarm began sounding in the distance that she realized she had been standing with her hand resting on the door handle of Leah’s bedroom for nearly a full minute. Ryan’s mouth was dry. She squared her shoulders, determined that fear would not make the decision whether she opened the door or not. Hope was opening the door.

The room would be considered small, if not for a small recessed nook lined with three bay windows. The oak wood floor accenting the light sage paint on the walls opened the space up, and a full size bed sat flush with the wall farthest from the door. Ryan was immediately aware of Leah’s familiar vanilla scent as it permeated the space, and she fought the urge not to take a deep breath.

Leah was sitting in a high back, overstuffed leather chair in the nook. Her feet were resting on a broad leather foot stool. Even in the dim lighting of the room, Ryan could see Leah had been crying.

Screw your courage to the sticking place, and we’ll not fail. The quote from Shakespeare’s Macbeth, which Ryan had read her freshman year in college, skidded across her mind. Ryan slowly sat down on the foot stool, careful not to touch Leah’s feet.

“I want you to leave.” Leah sniffled, her eyes red and swollen.

“I know you do. I know how hard this is, but the last year has been harder. The years stretching out in front of us without each other – those will be harder still.” Ryan swallowed, the sour feeling in her stomach threatening to overwhelm her.

“I can’t get past you. I try, but no matter what I do – throw myself into work, philanthropy, going out with friends – hell, I’ve even tried dating – you’re always right there.”

Ryan saw the arch in Leah’s brow when she said she had tried dating, and in that second knew for certain Leah still cared for her. Bolstered by that fact, Ryan placed her hand on Leah’s ankle. She couldn’t help but gently squeeze the soft skin. The heat from touching Leah, and the euphoria of being near her again, caused Ryan’s head to swirl.

Leah’s shoulders relaxed. Closing her eyes, she exhaled loudly as she rested her head on the back of the chair. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes, and looked directly at Ryan. “I can’t get past you either. When I left you, after our last night together, I hadn’t imagined the misery that awaited me.” Leah’s voice caught as she struggled to speak.

“Then what are we doing this for?” Ryan gushed. “Don’t you see, the losses, the deaths are all for nothing if we end up apart anyway? If that happens, my family wins, and the stakes are too high for me to concede.”

Leah sat up and wiped at her tear soaked cheeks. “What happened will always be between us. I can only imagine what Carol must be going through.” Leah looked down, her otherwise beautiful mouth twisted into a deep frown. “She must hate me after what happened, and she’d be right to want revenge.”

Ryan shook her head. “If that’s the path she chooses, then so be it. It happens whether we’re together or not; so why not be together?” Ryan moved her hand from Leah’s ankle to her knee. “I told you once, you’re someone I can’t just forget. I’m going to love you even if I never see you again. Time, distance – it doesn’t stop me loving you.”

Ryan closed her eyes, trying to bring her frenzied thoughts into focus. “I grew up with Carol. She isn’t her mother.”

A pained expression shot across Leah’s face as her brow furrowed. In that moment a simple truth revealed itself to Ryan. It was perhaps something Leah herself wasn’t even aware of. “Leah – I’m not my mother either.”

A sharp sob escaped Leah, and she flung herself forward into Ryan’s arms, burying her face in the side of the younger woman’s neck. “I know! I know! I was just so afraid after the horrific way Karen behaved, and then that horrible night! How could you not hate me?”

Leah’s warm tears ran down Ryan’s neck as she shared her deepest fears. “I couldn’t survive if you turned on me too.”

Ryan leaned back, her eyes searching Leah’s distraught face as she wiped the woman’s tears away with her thumbs. “That will never happen. I’m here, and the furthest thing from my mind is murdering you.”

Leah managed a short laugh at Ryan’s attempt at humor. “Why would you make a joke about that?”

Ryan leaned in and kissed Leah on the cheek. “Because some things are so ridiculous that all I can manage to do with them is make fun.” Ryan was attempting to stay calm, but inside she was practically cartwheeling as the tension between her and Leah was diminishing by the second.

Leah took Ryan’s face in her warm hands, her voice pleading and hoarse from crying. “I’m so sorry. I was so hateful towards you, and that awful note.” She looked intently into Ryan’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

The two women’s foreheads touched as Ryan’s hands rested on either side of Leah’s neck. Both women were crying, but the fear and hopelessness were no longer there.

“I love you.” Leah whispered as she closed the space between Ryan and her. Their lips touched, and the security, warmth and love Ryan had always found with Leah surged through her.

“I love you.” Ryan spoke the words against the heat of Leah’s lips. Her breath mingling with the woman she wanted to, needed to, and would spend her life with.

Ryan felt a strength begin to course through her. It tore the past year of loneliness and grief apart, revealing a clear space for the joy she had so longed for with Leah. She felt as if her life was beginning over. Separate from the past, she and Leah were about to write their own story.

###

Also by Heather McVea:

Waking Forever Series

Waking Forever #1

Ela: Forever #1.1

Becoming Forever #2

Dying Forever #3

Waking Forever Trilogy

Waking Forever Omnibus

Coleen: Forever #3.1 (June 2015)

Short Story

Turn Darkly

Excerpt from the short story Turn Darkly

“Do you know why I’ve pulled you over today?” The sheriff’s eyes were hidden behind a pair of mirror lensed Ray-Ban Aviator sunglasses, and the brass name tag on the right side of his uniform shirt read Swinnea in block lettering.

“I was speeding.” Regan Andrews had never been one to meander; so she had learned a long time ago it was best not to insult the officer’s intelligence by feigning ignorance.

“Seventy six in a seventy mile an hour zone, young lady.” The man was in his late forties; his gray hair was cropped short, and neatly combed to the side. His polyester blend brown uniform looked stifling in the West Texas heat.

Regan grimaced. “I guess this hotrod got away from me.” She ran her hand over the faded blue steering wheel of her 1971 white Volkswagen van and smiled at the officer.

Without looking at Regan, the sheriff flipped his black leather notebook open, and clicked his pen. “License and insurance.”

Clearly the officer was in no mood for banter, and Regan resigned herself to a ticket. “Sure. I’ve got them right here.”

Leaning over, she pulled her insurance card from the glove box, and after digging around in her beige canvas backpack, she fished her brown leather Fossil wallet out. Removing her Texas driver’s license from the inside sleeve of the wallet, Regan flashed her most charming smile as she handed the sheriff her papers.

Without a word, the sheriff took the documents from Regan, and walked back to his cruiser. You think he would be desperate for human interaction out here. Scanning her surroundings, Regan thought the arid, flat plains of West Texas seemed almost alien in their sparseness. Minus the ominous blue and gray hues of the mountains jutting out in the distance, the flat plains reminded her of the Mars Rover photos.

“Where are you headed, Ms. Andrews?” The sheriff suddenly appeared at the driver’s side window, and Regan jumped in surprise.

“Oh, I’m - I’m going to Howell.” She took her driver’s license and insurance card from the officer.

“Howell? What business do you have there?” The man’s tone verged on accusatory.

“I’m an astronomy doctoral candidate at A&M, and I’ve booked time at Addison Observatory.” Regan thought that regardless of loneliness, the man was in need of human interaction. His small talk skills were terrible.

“Then you’re going through Howell. You’re staying at Addison.” The man curtly corrected Regan as he handed her the leather notebook. “Sign at the bottom. You’re being cited for excessive speed. You can pay the fine via the instructions at the bottom of the ticket, or appear in traffic court on the assigned date.”

Regan signed her name, and handed the notebook back to the sheriff. “Okay. Thanks.” She was tempted to correct the man, and tell him she was staying in Howell proper, but the man’s less than friendly demeanor triggered a rare moment of silence for Regan.

Her stint at Addison Observatory had been last minute, because a colleague had canceled his time due to a family illness. As a result, she was able to take his telescope time. However, since Regan wasn’t interested in sharing a dorm room with three male researchers, she had rented a small efficiency apartment in Howell. The small town had less than a hundred residents, and was only twenty miles from the observatory, making for a relatively short commute.

“Slow down, Ms. Andrews.” Not waiting for a response, the man walked back to his cruiser.

Regan took a deep breath as she rolled her window up. She had dealt with cranky cops before, but this one had been outright rude.

Flipping her turn signal on, she slowly pulled the VW van onto the two lane blacktop, and gradually accelerated up to seventy miles an hour. Looking in her rearview mirror, she watched as the cruiser executed a U-turn and drove off in the opposite direction.

Grateful to be the only car on the road again, Regan flexed her fingers, and tilted her head to the right, willing the tension from her shoulders and back. She had been on the road since six o’clock in the morning, opting to make the nine hour drive from College Station, Texas in one day to ensure she had time to get settled before her first scheduled time at the observatory.

The drive had been uneventful until her run-in with Officer Swinnea, and she counted her blessings. Having just driven through Marfa, she was less than forty miles north of Howell with at least three hours of daylight left. She would be able to unload her van, and hopefully find someplace to eat that didn’t involve pre-packaged meat ordered from a speaker box.

***

Regan parked her VW alongside a curb on Howell’s main and possibly only street. Sliding out of the van, she stretched her arms over her head, and cringed at the series of pops that came from her back and shoulders. Looking at her black and yellow Timex Ironman watch, she saw it was five thirty, and she mentally calculated whether she should grab dinner or go ahead and unload her belongings.

Seeing her reflection in one of the rear windows of the van, Regan pulled the elastic band that had been holding her hair back in a loose bun free, and ran her hand through her shoulder length brown hair before tying it back again. Pushing her black Oakley Holbrook-style sunglasses up onto her head, she leaned in, and took stock of her appearance in the van’s side mirror.

Her contacts were dry, and her light brown eyes were bloodshot from the hours of driving. The faint bags under her eyes were telltale signs of her fatigue, and reminders of the nine hour drive she had just made.

Scanning the nearly deserted street, she noted the small market, with a faded wood sign that read Hobb’s Market hanging in the window next to the Closed sign. She could buy groceries tomorrow, then.  Otherwise, with the exception of a few trucks coming and going, and several elderly men loitering outside a feed store, the street was hot and deserted.

“You Regan?” A woman’s hoarse voice came from the sidewalk behind Regan.

Turning around, Regan looked at the abrupt woman , who had thin gray hair hanging loosely around her shoulders. She was at least seventy years old, and her skin looked like worn leather, presumably from decades in the West Texas sun. She was dressed in faded Levi jeans, a long sleeve beige western style shirt, and brown cowboy boots that had seen better days.

“Yes - yes, ma’am. Are you Vera Barroll?”

The woman pulled a pack of unfiltered Lucky Strike cigarettes from the left breast pocket of her shirt, and a metal Zippo lighter from her right front jean pocket. Lighting a cigarette, the woman’s eyes looked Regan up and down.

“You look younger than twenty five. You sure you’re legal?” The woman picked a piece of tobacco from the tip of her tongue. Her fingers were yellow from years of smoking.

Regan blushed under the woman’s scrutiny. “Clean living I guess, but yes, I’m twenty five.” She managed a smile, in spite of her reservations now in renting a room from this woman.

Huffing, Vera turned, and walked towards a store front with a faded sign in the window that read Camping Gear. “Well, follow me then. The room is over the store.”

Regan looked at the narrow wood structure that was wedged between two other buildings. Each building had faded wood siding and windows with mismatched panes from years of piecemealing repairs together.

Following Vera into the dimly lit interior of the store, Regan was immediately overwhelmed with the smell of stale cigarette smoke. If the room was anything like the store, she might have to put aside any pretense of modesty and take the dorm room at Addison.

The linoleum flooring that ran throughout the store was at some point blue, but now, with years of wear and tear, was a faded gray with spots worn through to the concrete subfloor. The store’s fixtures were handmade pine shelves lined with an assortment of outdoor equipment.

Regan was surprised how well organized the space was, considering its proprietor’s disheveled appearance.

“Are you coming or not?” Vera’s harsh tone startled Regan, who had stopped just inside the glass front door of the shop in an effort to take the space in.

Walking quickly toward the back of the store, Regan smiled at the woman. “Sorry. I was admiring your store.”

Vera turned her back to Regan, and without saying a word, opened a narrow wood door, behind which was a steep wooden staircase. The two women navigated up the stairs, and into what amounted to the attic of the store.

Regan was pleasantly surprised with how clean the room was, and more importantly, how smoke free the air was.

A single metal frame bed was positioned against the far wall, with a wood nightstand and lamp next to it. A metal bar jutted out from the plaster wall, presumably a makeshift closet, and a dividing wall ran along the back of the room. Peering behind the structure, Regan saw a standalone shower, a sink and toilet.

A small window model air conditioning unit sat in the only window in the room, and was managing to keep the space cool in spite of the hundred plus degree temperatures outside. The kitchen was nothing more than a mini refrigerator, sink, and a counter with a hot plate set up in the corner, but it was sufficient for Regan’s needs.

“It’s eighty five dollars a week, and if you leave before a week is up - too bad. I keep the money.” Vera pulled a folded piece of paper out of her back pocket. “Here’s the lease. Fill in your dates, and attach a check for one week’s rent to it.”

Regan stepped forward, and took the paper from Vera. Scanning the document, it seemed fairly straight forward. “Is the store the only way in?”

Vera had walked toward the door, and stood with her hand on the tarnished brass doorknob. “It is. Once you sign the lease and pay, I’ll give you two keys. One for the store for afterhours, and one for the stairwell door.” The woman stared toward the small window. The early evening light cast the room in dim grays and browns. “I wouldn’t recommend staying out much after dark though.”

Regan, who had been studying the lease agreement, looked up. “Oh, well, I’m working at the observatory, so that can’t be helped.”

The old woman shrugged. “Your life.” She opened the door, and then turning to face Regan, pointed her thin, yellowed finger at her. “Just you know, I take regular inventory in the store, so don’t get any ideas that you’ll be taking something you didn’t pay for.” Without another word, the woman disappeared down the stairs.

Regan’s brow narrowed as she watched the woman leave. Her rudeness, mixed with the less than subtle insinuation that Regan may be a thief, was annoying, and she wondered if she had made a mistake in deciding to stay in town.

You haven’t signed anything. You could just leave. Regan walked down the stairs and found Vera behind a counter near a cash register that was at least as old as the woman herself.

“I’m going to get some dinner. I saw a diner a block up, and then I’ll be back with the lease.” Regan wasn’t sure yet if the last part was true.

Vera shrugged. “Better hurry, the Last Stop will be closing soon.”

Regan looked at her watch again. It was a few minutes before six, and she found it hard to believe any eatery would close before the dinner hour. “Okay. Thanks.”

Walking down the sidewalk, Regan shoved the lease into the back pocket of her khaki shorts, electing to eat something before deciding what to do about Vera and her crankiness.

The Last Stop was, like Vera’s store, a narrow wood structure between two other abandoned stores. The outside was more presentable than the camping store, as the owner had at least taken the time to maintain the paint and windows.

Stepping onto the narrow wood planked porch that ran along the front of the restaurant, Regan heard a series of clicks coming from the wood and glass front door.

A figure moved away from the door, and into the shadows of the restaurant. Regan leaned in, and shielding her eyes, peered into the space. “Hello? Sorry about this, but I just drove nine hours, and was hoping to grab something to eat.” There was no movement inside. “I can take it to go, but I’m starving here. You would be doing me a solid.”

After several seconds, Regan stepped back, and resigned herself to the protein bar and bottled water she had in her van. Turning toward the street, she heard the hinges of the door creak. Pivoting around, Regan saw a woman standing in the doorway.

The woman was Regan’s height and more or less her same age, with a similar athletic build. Her hair was black and cut short, accentuating her angular features and her light blue eyes. Her skin was flawless, and tan with a hint of red at her cheeks.

“Hey.” Regan was struggling to focus. The woman in front of her was beautiful.

“We’re closed.” The woman stated casually.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Regan nodded. “Yeah. Sorry to bother you.” She forced her feet to move, and stepped off the porch onto the sidewalk.

“I can make you something real quick, but you’ll have to take it with you.” The woman offered.

Regan turned, and smiled. “That would be great. Thanks.”

She followed the woman into the restaurant, and sat on one of five wooden stools lining a narrow counter.

The woman handed Regan a laminated menu. “I’ve already turned the grill off, so please stick to the sandwiches and salads.”

“Of course.” Regan skimmed the menu. “Ah, the turkey and Swiss would be fine, but can I sub the mayo for yellow mustard?” The woman nodded. Regan slid the menu across the counter, and with a broad smile extended her hand. “I’m Regan, by the way, and thanks again for doing this.”

A faint smile found the woman’s lips, and then quickly disappeared as she took Regan’s hand in hers. “Lily.”

Regan nodded. “Nice to meet you.”

Lily turned, and after pulling several containers from a cooler that ran the length of the back counter, began assembling Regan’s sandwich. “Do you want something to drink?” The woman didn’t look back as she asked.

“I’ve got a case of water in my van, so no worries.” Regan tried not to be too obvious in her admiration of the woman, but even in a pair of faded jeans, a threadbare red t-shirt, and a stained white apron, she couldn’t remember the last time she had seen someone so beautiful.

Lily turned around suddenly, and Regan quickly averted her eyes from the woman’s backside. A flush of heat found Regan’s neck and face, and she conspicuously cleared her throat. “Ah, maybe I will take that drink. Just some ice water.”

Reaching for a glass to her left, Lily frowned as she took note of Regan’s stare. Sliding the lid of the ice bin back, the woman scooped ice into the glass, filled it with water, and without a word placed it on the counter in front of Regan.

“Your sandwich will be ready in a minute.”

Regan felt like an ass. She had never been one to leer, but not looking at Lily felt akin to closing her eyes in an art museum. She’s not an object to be admired, shithead. The self-chastising brought an additional wave of shame over Regan, and she nervously sipped her water, hoping she could get out of this without making a complete fool of herself.

“Four ninety five.” Lily handed Regan a small white paper bag.

“What?” Regan looked blankly at the woman.

Lily frowned. “The sandwich. Four dollars and ninety five cents, please.”

“Right. Sorry.” Regan slid off the stool, and fished around in her pockets. “Shit.” She looked up at Lily apologetically. “I left my wallet in my van, but give me two minutes and I can go get it.”

The woman looked suspiciously at Regan. “I’ll time you.”

Grinning, Regan ran out of the restaurant and toward her van. Grabbing the wallet from her backpack, she shoved it in her back pocket and ran back toward the Last Stop.

Nearing the store front, she saw Lily standing on the front porch, the white bag with Regan’s sandwich in her hand, and a tall, dark haired man looking up at her from the sidewalk.

As Regan approached, she heard the man speaking in a harsh tone. “Don’t get attached.”

Regan hesitated, not wanting to interrupt an obviously tense conversation. “Hey. Sorry about this.” Reaching into her back pocket, she pulled her wallet out and handed Lily a twenty dollar bill.

“Let me get your change.” Lily handed Regan the bag.

Holding her hands up, Regan shook her head. “No. Please keep it. You’ve saved me from starvation.” She glanced at the man, who stood looking intently at her. “Hi. Regan.” She extended her hand to the stranger.

Looking at her hand, and then back at Regan’s slightly flushed face, he smiled. His teeth were perfectly aligned and a vivid white against his tan skin. “Trent Sexton. I’m Lily’s older brother.” Though the resemblance was clear, the man’s posture and tone made him significantly less appealing than his sister.

Nodding, Regan shook the man’s hand quickly, and then stepped back. “Nice to meet you.” Looking at Lily, she raised the bag. “Thanks again.”

Turning, Regan quickly walked back toward her van. The encounter with Trent was leaving her unsettled, with no real reason why. Now, standing in front of Vera’s store, she was more uncertain than ever if she should stay in Howell, or take her chances in Addison’s dormitory.

The astronomy field was populated mostly by men. For the most part, the few women Regan had worked with over the years had said their male colleagues were respectful. Still, she hardly thought it was fair of her to ask a group of men to live with a lone woman for two months. Regan considered her options, and sadly came up with very few.

Deciding it was best for her and her colleagues, Regan grabbed her bag from the van, and headed toward Vera’s. Her clothes in one hand, a very expensive turkey sandwich in the other, she was determined to get through the next two months and on to the rest of her life.

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