Copyright © 2019 CD Cain

Published by Fleur-de-lis Books

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or in any means – by electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise – without prior written permission.

ISBN: 978-1-7345290-0-5

Cover design by Robin Ludwig Design Inc.
Editing by Kira Plotts

A Chambers of the Heart Book

By

CD Cain

“Whenever you are creating beauty around you, you are restoring your own soul.”

–Alice Walker

Chamber III

Dedication

To my little warrior Remington
Your pawprint is tattooed on my heart

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Comes the Calm

Preface

With my first two books, I was often asked how much of those stories were a part of my life. How much of Rayne was my life? Each time, I answered not much at all. The first two books in the series, were with very little of my own life or experience. They were merely a fictional creation, (other than the fact that I really love Jeeps). After It Pours was published, my life saw some drastic changes. Unexpected experiences happened that changed my life forever. Honestly, I didn’t cope with them so well in the beginning. As it’s often said, they broke me open. However, at the end of the journey, I was a different woman. I was a better mother, daughter, sister, friend, and most importantly, partner. I’m proud of the woman I raised myself up from the bottom to become. I didn’t know if I would ever write again but when the fingers went back to the keys I found the awakening changed my writing as well. The openness had found its way into my writing. With the publication of this book, I’ll be able to answer differently as this book contains a great deal of myself in it. With the creation of Gentry, I’ve been able to express a raw freedom of a deeper expression. Her character enabled me to feel emotions on a page. I believe After the Storm is my best writing to date. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Each book, I tell myself I’m not writing an Acknowledgment as I generally forget someone by the time it goes to print. Perhaps, I’ll have better luck when it’s a Preface instead.

To my family, please never forget that you’re the strength in my footsteps. You love me for who I am and that means more than words can ever express.

To The Ladies of Laurel Creek, our wine club turned into more of a YaYa Sisterhood than a club. We’ve cried. We’ve laughed. We’ve cursed. We’ve painted. What haven’t we done? We even managed to have a glass of wine…or two…or…who’s counting anyway?

To my friends who’ve formed a mini book club. I’ve had such pleasure listening in on your analysis of the characters and their development. Please don’t ever stop.

Kira, I couldn’t think of a better editor to share this journey of getting our babies out into the world. Thank you for putting your faith in me to put my best words on a page.

To my beta readers, there are no words fitting to describe my gratitude for you. Your encouragement along the way has been invaluable. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the time you sacrificed in helping this book to be the best it can be.

To the readers who never gave up on this series, thank you for the emails, social media posts, and comments on my quite boring webpage. Your continued interest in Rayne and Sam brought me back to my laptop.

Lastly, to Geanie and Harrison, you two are the gratitude I find each day. You helped me to come back from my lowest time and forgave me for my mistakes. Oh, the life we have had since then. May our days be filled with many more adventures as these past two years have been some of the best of my life. I love you both dearly.

Chapter 1

The weight of her heels carried on the tips of her fingers grew exponentially with each step Sam took walking away from the only woman she ever loved. Her lips burned with the knowledge they had placed their last kiss upon Rayne’s forehead at her goodbye. She walked to the edge of the porch and stared out at the crowd of the engagement party. If it hadn’t held such sadness for her, she could have found beauty in the event. The decorations of white, shades of green and faint blue patterns on the dinnerware underneath tree branches adorned with long strands of moss were the perfect setting for a party such as this. For Sam, this party was the finality of the end for her and Rayne. Rayne. Her eyes fixated on her the moment she stepped from around the tree. She watched her, frozen to movement, paralyzed to walk away. She had grown to know Rayne’s mannerisms. She could read her feelings simply by watching the way she held her body or moved her arms. She was angry, quite angry as she talked to Grant. Sam’s back stiffened when she noticed Charlie Grace and Jacques walking toward them. It wasn’t so much Jacques as it was Charlie Grace. That woman was the epitome of a controlling mother. The fight in Rayne’s stance cowered with her mother’s presence next to them. Sam shook her head as she saw Rayne’s body slump into submission and follow them toward the dining tables. Sam couldn’t look away from her. She stood next to the tables as if a lost little girl alone in a land foreign to anything she knew.

Sam sighed deeply with the love for Rayne that coursed through her. The bitterness and anger she felt earlier in the study when she and Rayne had said such hurtful things to one another had all but been washed away when she saw Rayne broken and overpowered. She wanted to run to her. She wanted to whisk her over her shoulder and take her away from all of this. But she couldn’t. She knew that. Rayne had to be the one to change her life. Sam’s heart hurt for everything—for the loss at a chance to love Rayne, for the horrible words she had just said to her, and for the despair she knew filled Rayne’s soul. It hurt to see a woman she held so dearly be turned into a shell of herself by someone else.

“Oh Rayne,” Sam murmured and leaned against the column of the porch.

As if hearing her, Rayne looked up directly into Sam’s eyes. In that moment, they were connected again. Their eyes were locked to one another’s with nothing but love being spoken. None of the anger from before, only love. She felt the love Rayne had for her in the way her eyes held her. But sadly, this was not their time. Sam knew that. She raised her arm and waved goodbye. Just as before in the study, Rayne didn’t wave goodbye back. Instead, she reached up and rubbed the charms of her necklace. Sam couldn’t see the cicada charm on Rayne’s necklace, but she had no doubts it was there. Perhaps Rayne’s refusal to say goodbye had meaning after all.

The musings of the crowd began to drift away to where all she heard were the croaks of the frogs and the cicada’s call. As much as it hurt, she let herself remember that night on the dock with Rayne. The night of her first true kiss. Not the feverish kiss of stranger’s exploring each other’s body as a way of introduction but rather a kiss held within shared feelings not yet spoken. Never had she given her heart or accepted that of another’s in just a simple kiss. Simple. As if something which changes your life could ever accurately be described as simple.

Rayne had told her that night meant everything to her. It had made her angry to hear her say that while standing in a room above her engagement party. As she found herself alone walking away from the party, she realized she had given her heart to a woman who couldn’t truly accept it. She knew Rayne loved her. She had just seen it in her eyes. Yet being in love didn’t necessarily give someone the capacity to be ready for that love. It may have been easier for her if Rayne didn’t love her. Then she could pretend it didn’t mean anything. It would’ve been so much easier to walk away from a woman who had only been interested in a lesbian fling before getting married to her high school sweetheart. Hell, she would’ve known exactly how to handle that type of thing. Before Rayne, flings were the only type of relationship she ever wanted. They were easily understood. No strings. No attachments. Pure unadulterated lust. That was what she understood and knew how to deal with. Love was another story altogether. There didn’t seem to be any rules to love. No handbook on how to have it or, in this case, how to lose it.

“Why in the hell am I still here? How am I still here?” she asked. Her voice was muted by the music.

She looked down at the invitation in her hand and read it again.

Join us to celebrate the future Drs. Thibodeaux

Grant & Rayne are engaged!

Saturday, March 20, 2004 at 6:00pm

Home of Mr. & Mrs. Raymee Jacques Doucet

43 Doucet Court, Brennin, Louisiana

RSVP to Charlie Grace Doucet 318-546-6788

Simply reading their names made anger build inside of her again. She blamed them for her heartache, not just Rayne. A part of her believed Rayne would have chosen her if not for the pressure of them but then she had to really hear Rayne’s words. It was everything and everyone that stopped her from being with Sam. She hadn’t yet accepted her lesbian feelings. Hadn’t accepted she was a lesbian. Maybe if Charlie Grace and Grant hadn’t pushed her so much. Maybe if they hadn’t kept trying to force her back into the mold her life had put her in. Maybe if she hadn’t lost her Memaw. If not for all of those maybes, then maybe they would be together.

She took in a deep breath and looked down at the invitation once more. “Maybe,” she said with a sigh.

She slipped her heels back on, walked to her car and stopped to look back. The lights from the party glowed from around the house. The night sky was hidden from her by the large oak trees which lined the gravel drive. Their branches stretched across the road to be a canopy above her. The front of the house looked even more expansive with each window illuminated by the interior lights. The majestic home was something right off the cover of Southern Living with its Louisiana French accents of columns connecting the beautiful railing of the upper and lower wall-to-wall porches.

“Fucking Mayberry,” Sam said as she tossed the invitation over her shoulder and climbed into her car. She took the first exit onto the interstate leading away from anywhere but there.

Chapter 2

Gentry stared at the white plastic stick in her hand. She looked at the box and read the instructions again. Any sign of a plus, even if one line was faint, would be a positive result. She looked back at the stick. In her wildest imagination, she couldn’t pretend there was anything other than a glaring, fully pink plus sign staring back at her.

She closed her eyes and let her head fall back on her shoulders. “How am I here?” She thought back to the night after her shift. He had been a nice guy who stopped overnight at the motel on his way to his next big sale. She saw his type day in and day out as they drive through the small town of Eunice, Louisiana. There was something about him or about that one particular night. She tried to trace the footsteps which led to her going to his room. She closed her eyes to the recognition—the phone call. It was her choice to live alone. Her choice to keep people at arm’s length. There’s a difference between living alone and feeling alone. After the phone call, she felt nothing but a deep, dark loneliness which reminded her of the little girl curled in a ball, hiding in the closet, waiting for when the booze would wear off and she would awake again. She only trusted herself with her protection and safety; so, being alone made sense to her. It felt right. But that night, after the phone call, she wanted to feel something different. He was there to fill a need. It was supposed to be nothing more than an act of forgetting. With the damning plus sign, she realized forgetting would be one thing she would not be doing where that particular night was concerned.

“What was his name? Pete? Chuck?” She sighed deeply as she stared again at the stick. “Baby daddy. That’s his name.”

“Gentry Bell, get your ass out here.” Wendy knocked loudly on the door. “Come on. My eyeballs are floating.” She knocked again.

“Keep your pants on. I’m coming.” She threw the stick in the trash and washed her hands. She adjusted her headband to pull her straight, black hair from her face. She freed the long, dangling earring caught in the strands. She wasn’t that little girl anymore. She didn’t have to hide or run or do anything she didn’t choose to do. Her life was hers. “Well, maybe not completely mine anymore.” She sighed deeply. “We’ll figure out what to do. We always do,” she said to her reflection. “We’ve come this far, haven’t we?” Although, she hadn’t cried with the confirmation of her pregnancy, she thought one final check of her thin eyeliner of her upper and lower eyelids wouldn’t hurt. Her green eyes, those came from her dad. She reached into her pocket to pull out her red lipstick and ran two quick swipes over her lips to reapply. She popped them together. If anything ever did bring her attention to her mother, it was her lips. From the photographs she had seen, she knew the curve of them that formed a plump center came from her. It was her most striking physical quality. Maybe, briefly, she understood why she had left. The last thing Gentry needed or wanted in her life was a baby. So, perhaps, she got that from her mother as well.

Bam. Bam. Bam. Wendy knocked harder on the door. “Gentry, I ain’t playing out here. Open the damn door. Right now!”

Gentry jerked open the door to find a dancing Wendy standing in the door way. “She’s all yours.”

“As if,” Wendy said as she brushed quickly past her. “If I wet my pants, you’re going to have to grab my number four table.”

“How about if I grab it anyway? You concentrate on staying dry.”

“Okay. Get her some more coffee. I just made a fresh pot,” Wendy yelled from behind the bathroom door.

“Yeah, okay.” Gentry walked down the short hallway of the diner and peered out across the room. She stepped behind the counter and looked over at table four to see a woman staring at her coffee cup. She grabbed the coffee pot and headed to her table. She had always been envious of hair like hers. It was that cute, wavy hair. Not the super tight curl or ringlet curls but wavy with defined layers. With a cut like that, a girl could walk in from a windstorm and look like she had just fixed her hair. She loved it. Her hair was impossibly straight and wouldn’t hold a curl if her life depended on it. When the wind got a hold of hers, no one ever confused it for a purposeful style.

“Hi. Need a refill?” Gentry asked as she reached the table.

“Sure. Thanks,” Sam said flatly. She looked at Gentry. She wasn’t the same waitress she had given her order to. This was a woman who appeared to be in her early to mid-thirties. She assumed this not because her skin didn’t appear as youthful as the previous waitress, but more because her eyes were that of someone much older. They didn’t have that perky glow the other waitress had. “Where’s…ummm…Wendy?”

“She’ll be back. She went on break.”

“Oh.” Sam looked back at her cup and pushed it to the edge of the table. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Can I get you anything else?” Gentry watched as Sam poured sugar into her coffee. “Maybe another pound of sugar?”

Sam continued to pour sugar into the cup.

“Or better yet, how about an entire sugar cane plantation. You know, so you won’t run out?”

“What?” Sam said absentmindedly but then seemed to catch onto her humor. She smirked. “No. I’m good. Thanks.”

“Alright.” Gentry walked back to the counter but turned back to look at Sam. She looked familiar for some reason. “Hey, Wendy, who is that?”

“Who’s who?” Wendy said as she smoothed out her waitress apron.

“That girl at table four. She looks familiar.”

“Oh, she was in here yesterday morning.” She filled a cup of coffee and took a sip. “One helluva a tipper. All she had was coffee but left me a twenty. She ordered food. I’m hoping for another whopper of one today.”

“That’s right. She sat at five and stared at a tiny white box for what seemed like forever. You must’ve taken her two pots.”

“Yep, that was her.” Wendy leaned against the counter. “Wonder what was in the box. She doesn’t have it today or well, she’s not staring at it if she does.”

“Hmmmm.” Gentry thought about Wendy’s question. Generally, she felt people’s business was their business. But she had to admit she was curious as to what had been in it.

“Maybe she was proposed to. Then got freaked out and ran away. Any minute now, some good-looking man is gonna burst through that door, fall down on his knees, and beg her to come back.”

Gentry laughed, grabbed an empty white cup, and reached for the coffee pot. “You’ve been watching too many Julia Roberts movies.” She thought about the pink plus sign, filled her cup only half full, and then put the pot back. She hated the thought of drinking water for the rest of the day. She was one who got her daily water intake from that which was in coffee, iced tea, and coke. She rolled her eyes and may have even groaned as she thought of what the future months held in the way of her caffeine intake.

“Maybe so but romance is alive and kicking. Even if you don’t believe in it.” Wendy took a sip of coffee.

“Oh, I believe in it, alright. It’s what the movie industry banks on when they make their movies.” She peered over the top of her cup to Wendy as she waited for her reaction. “They make a killing on women like you.”

Wendy cut her eyes at Gentry with a glare in them. “Bah humbug, you romantic scrooge, you.” She turned her focus back to Sam’s table. “I’m sure those movie makers would love her. Wouldn’t you kill to look like that?” Her eyes widened. “I mean…not that you’re not cute.”

Gentry smiled. “Uh huh.”

“I just mean, look at her. She’s so pretty. Like she spent hours looking that good but she probably woke up, rolled out of bed, put on those ripped-up jeans and boom, look at how gorgeous I am.”

They both stared at Sam.

Wendy took in a deep breath. “And did you see her lips? Good God what I wouldn’t do for lips like that. It’s not fair, I tell you.”

Gentry noticed Sam’s lips right away when she had looked up at her. She thought it ironic that she was wearing a Rolling Stones shirt with a picture of big plump lips on it. She could’ve been a model for that image.

“And Momma said she was driving some fancy Mercedes. Looks to kill and has money. Color me jealous, fo’ sho’.”

“She’s staying here?”

“Yep. She’s in building two.”

“You two gonna keep on gabbing all day or what?” Lou said through the window of the kitchen. “We’ve got paying customers out there.” Lou’s voice was gruff even when he wasn’t fussing.

“There’s only that woman and Jeter with his old farts club over there,” Wendy said. “Daddy, if I have to hear one more time how it was in their day, I think I’m going to throw up and then pour coffee all over them.”

“They are paying, ain’t they?” He laid a plate of freshly made pancakes and sausage on the windowsill. “This is for table four.”

Gentry reached for the plate and then grabbed a bottle of warmed syrup. “I’ve got it, Lou. Wendy’s still on break. I’ll take this and then check on Jeter’s boys.”

Wendy stuck her tongue out at Lou which made him laugh. “You two are gonna be the end of me.”

Wendy laughed, rolled a piece of gum into her mouth, and picked up her magazine. “Love you, Daddy.”

“Love you too, sugar pie,” Lou said as he cracked an egg onto the griddle.

“Here you go. Pancakes and sausage.” Gentry placed the plate in front of Sam. “Here’s some warmed syrup if you like.”

Sam reached for the syrup and began to pour a healthy amount over the stack of pancakes. “Thanks.”

Gentry smiled but decided not to joke with her again about her apparent affinity for sugar. “Weren’t you in here yesterday morning?”

Sam looked around the diner as if noticing it for the very first time. She looked over at the counter, at the group of men sitting across the room, and then back at Gentry. Immediately, she noticed the green of her eyes from below her straight, black bangs which were cut just above her eyebrows. Why the hell do they have to be green? “Yeah, I was.”

“My co-worker over there,” Gentry pointed over her shoulder to Wendy, “thinks you’re some kind of runaway bride and Richard Gere is going to come bursting through that door to win you back.”

Sam peered around Gentry to see Wendy leaning on the counter on her elbows, watching them with great interest. “Why does she think that?”

“She said you had some little white box with you yesterday. She thought maybe it was an engagement ring. And well, this morning she doesn’t see it.”

“No. Nothing like that.”

“You’re not much of a talker, are you?” Gentry cringed at the words she had just said. She was actually caught off guard with the fact she had actually said them. She had heard the same phrase directed at her time and time again, each of which irritated the shit out of her. Why it was a requirement to have to explain to someone why she didn’t feel like answering their persistent questioning was unknown to her. She immediately regretted asking it.

“Not much.” Sam picked up her fork.

“Okay, so hey, you don’t know me at all. And I don’t know you. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I just got into your business. I swear in this place,” Gentry raised her arm in the air, “I’m the last person I would’ve thought would have.”

Sam raised her head to acknowledge she had heard her but she gave no response back.

“Alrighty then. Enjoy your breakfast. Wendy should be off break any minute.”

Sam watched the woman walk away. She hadn’t meant to be so rude. She just wasn’t in the mood to talk. It seemed like it took forever to stop crying this morning when she woke up and she sure as hell didn’t want to open up the waterworks here in front of strangers. Sam picked at her pancakes to realize she suddenly wasn’t hungry at all. The thought of taking a bite made her stomach turn. She laid a twenty and a ten on the table and quickly left the diner.

“What did you say to her?” Wendy asked.

“Nothing,” Gentry said as she turned around to see Sam leaving. “Well, nearly nothing.”

“You could’ve fooled me. She ran out of here like she was on fire.”

“It’s all your fault.”

“My fault?” Wendy pointed at her chest. “How is it my fault?”

“Yes. You and your cockamamie, hairbrained idea about romance and little white boxes.” Gentry briskly rubbed at the counter with a dishtowel. “It’s your fault I asked her about that stupid box.”

“Did she tell you? Does she still have it?”

“I have no idea. She didn’t answer. Why don’t you chase her down in the parking lot and ask her?”

Wendy was completely oblivious to the anger-filled frustration of Gentry. Her eyes brightened. “Oooooh, there’s a story there.” She stood up and down on tiptoes like a kid waiting for a piece of candy. “I just know there’s a story there.”

Gentry didn’t agree to much of what Wendy expressed, but this she did. Deep down, she believed everyone had a story. Yet some stories are meant to be the owners and no one else’s. Not everyone felt the need to share them. If she did see the blonde again, she would make it her business to let her keep hers private.

Chapter 3

“Is she still not talking to me?” Sam asked Jazlyn when she answered the phone instead of Violet.

“No. She is. In fact, she asked me to grab it because she didn’t want you to think she was ignoring your call. She is just now getting home from a night of call and went upstairs to change,” Jazlyn said in her raspy voice. Sam had always thought herself to have what people defined as a raspy voice—that is until she met Jazlyn and realized the true definition.

“Good to hear because I don’t think I could take it right now if she was still mad at me.”

“Don’t get me wrong, sister. She’s still pretty pissed but her eruptions have slowed a little. My girl has quite the sonic flares with her temper.”

Sam sighed as she stretched across the foot of the bed and looked up at the ceiling of her motel room. “I can’t stand when she’s mad at me, Jaz.” She followed the line of small cracks in its ceiling. They were old with evidence of at least two coats of paint covering them.

“Oh hell, honey. She’s not mad at you. She’s mad at the world that took you away from her. The biggest part is she’s hurting because you’re hurting and because she misses you. It’s a lot easier for her to be pissed than to feel hurt. She’s not sure how to handle the hurt. Being pissed off? She knows exactly how to feel that emotion. But right now, you don’t need to worry about what Vi is feeling or not feeling. You need to focus on healing you. Are you doing that?”

Sam looked over at the maps strewn across the small, circular table with two chairs. She caught a scent of the age of the motel room. It’s not that the room wasn’t clean. It was. This was an underlining smell. One from a room left to heat and cool from the outside temperature when a tenant wasn’t using the air conditioning unit. It was the smell she always imagined when she saw old motels in film or photography. “I’m trying.”

“Hey. Here she comes. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Remember, we’re always here for whatever you need. We love you, sister girl.”

“Thanks, Jaz. I love y’all too.”

“Hold on one sec,” Violet said as she took both the phone and a cup of coffee her wife handed her. She kissed her on the cheek. “Baby, I’m going to go upstairs to the roof and talk to Sam, okay?”

“Okay. No rush. I’ll have some breakfast ready when you’re done,” Jazlyn said. She kissed Violet sweetly on the lips and then said into Violet’s cellphone, “Take care, Sam.”

“Hey, you,” Violet said with reservation as she maneuvered the stairs from their loft to the rooftop patio they had built a few years ago. As much as she had missed talking to Sam, she was nervous to actually be on the phone with her because she had been so ugly to her the last time they had talked. She was floored when Sam told her she had redrawn from her fellowship.

“Hi,” Sam answered. “I miss you so much, Vi.”

Violet exhaled deeply as she let her reserve down. “Me too. Sam, I’m so sorry I was such a bitch to you the last time we talked. I have felt like a complete ass. In fact, I tried like hell to trade off this weekend of call but I couldn’t get any of those bastards to do it.”

“You did?”

“Yes, I did.” Violet slipped off her shoes and stretched out across the patio sofa. “I was going to come find you. Where ever you were…where ever you were going, I was going to be. You wait and see if I take call for them the next time they need.” Vi stopped her ranting and said with a quieted tone. “It’s damn good to hear your voice.”

“Ditto, my friend, ditto.”

“I can’t tell you how many times I waited to see you come out of a patient’s room on the floor today. It’s not right that you’re not here.”

Sam thought about the times when she would bump into Violet. There’s nothing like running into your best friend during rounds and sneaking over to the lounge for a quick visit over coffee. Violet was a fiercely tough and damn talented department head of OB/Gyn at UAB. It was at the encouragement of Rayne that they had become friends. It was Rayne who had suggested she talk to Violet when her father was trying to overpower and manipulate her to end her fellowship in reproductive medicine. Rayne thought Violet was tough enough and respected enough that she would be the one person to stand up to her father against his insistence she be moved to cardiothoracic surgery. Was she ever right. Violet took on the challenge from the moment Sam told her that she wanted to stay in OB. Sam’s dad didn’t know what the hell had hit him. From that moment on, Sam and Violet had been fast friends.

“After everything we’ve been through to keep you here and that little bitch is the one who gets to stay. She better be glad she’s done her rotation in OB or I’d make her life a living hell.” Violet’s anger was beginning to rise. She looked down at the piece of paper with Rayne’s phone number on it. It was good to have strings in the registrar’s office.

“Don’t, Vi. Just let it go. It’s done.”

“She deserves to suffer for what she’s done to you.”

“She’s marrying a man. I’d say that was suffering enough. Don’t you?” Sam tried to inject a tiny amount of humor into their conversation before it ignited Vi’s anger. She loved everything about her friend, even her temper. It wasn’t so much that she loved it, rather more that she understood it. She knew the ins and outs of Vi’s past—the obstacles she conquered to be where she was in her life. Understanding it and wishing it to be present at the moment, were two different things. She was trying hard to keep the name Rayne from the forefront of her mind. If she let her mind stay there or let it wander into the intense fear of not knowing what to do next it would overwhelm her thoughts, she knew right then and there that was exactly where she would shut down. She had to get it together. She had to eventually leave this motel room. Listening to Violet vent about all that had happened would not in any way help those fears.

Violet paused for a moment and then let a small laugh escape. “It sure would be for me. My friend, you are too much like me. Hate you’re following down a path I once did.”

“Yeah. But you got the girl and she’s cooking you breakfast.”

Violet curled her legs under her and stared out across the Birmingham skyline. The sun setting low in the sky from its recent rise felt good against her skin. She pulled her quarter-length sleeves up to expose as much skin as she could. “True. It wasn’t always this good though. Went through hell to get here.” Violet thought back to the days when she had first fallen in love with the very married Jazlyn. The brown-eyed beauty had stolen her heart the moment she saw her smile. “I wish the same were true for you.”

Sam sighed. “Me too. But it’s time to move on.”

“Are you doing that?”

Sam stood up from the bed, walked to the table, and sat down. She stared down at the maps. “I’m trying.”

“Where are you anyway?”

Sam turned in her chair to pull the curtains back. She looked out the window at the large, red, boomerang-shaped motel sign attached to two white posts. “Some place called The Pelican Motel in Eunice, Louisiana.”

“Where the hell is that?” Violet ran her hand along the back of her head to ruffle up her short, cropped hair. She took a sip of coffee. “I mean, is it even a city?”

“I think town would be a better description, or at least I think it is. I’ve not been in to it really. This motel was right off the interstate before getting into Eunice.”

“Please tell me you’re not planning on staying there.”

Sam watched as Gentry walked from the diner to the sign carrying a large bag. She bent over the brick planter box at its base. Sam wondered what on earth kept Gentry here. It was nothing more than four buildings of six rooms each, an office, a diner, and a dirt parking lot. What could possibly fill your day in a place like this? “Nope. Not at all.” She turned back and shuffled the maps. “But where I go from here, is your guess as good as mine.”

“How about Birmingham?” Vi tried her hand at humor.

“Ha. Good one.”

“I try. Really though, how long do you think you’ll be there?”

“I don’t know, really. Right now, I get utterly exhausted every time I think of getting in my car. All I want to do is curl up in this bed and sleep.”

“Do that then. Sam, your heart was broken. You need time to heal. That bitch was bored with her life so she came into yours and manipulated the hell out of you to sow some wild oats. Just because her feelings for you weren’t real doesn’t mean yours for her weren’t. You fell in love. It was a beautiful gift you gave her. That’s on her, not you. Take your time to grieve but yes, then get up and move the hell on. You are a brilliant physician—don’t let her take that from you too. It would be a disservice not only to you but also to your future patients.”

Never did Sam see Rayne as Violet did. Not even when standing in front of her at her engagement party did she think she had been manipulated. There was a part of her that believed Rayne at some point truly did love her. Maybe she was only fooling herself but for now, she needed to believe that part. Although at this moment, she didn’t have it in her to argue with Violet over it. “I’m not. I won’t. I’m going to still practice. But I don’t know if I’ll finish my fellowship or not.” Sam walked back to the bed and laid down. She tucked the pillow behind her head. “Did I tell you dear old Dad was footing the bill for my runaway?”

“No way.”

“Yes way.”

“After all he did to force you into CT surgery…he’s okay with you quitting?”

“Damn straight. See, he’s smarter than your average bear.” Sam thought of her dad speaking in a Yogi Bear voice. “He thinks if he supports me, then he’ll get what he wants and I’ll come back to go into CT. To him, this trip is to clear my mind to see he knows what’s best for me.”

“I see where you get your hard-headedness from.” Violet tried to stifle back a yawn.

“You’re tired. I need to let you get some sleep.”

“I’ll stay on if you need me.”

“Nah, I’m good,” Sam said and yawned herself. “Think I’ll get some sleep too.”

“Check in with me later, okay? I worry about you when I don’t hear from you.”

“Will do.”

“Hey, Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m serious about what I said. I’ve got two more nights of call and then I could come to you. I’ll get an attending to cover my patients and come to you.”

“I love you, you know that? I truly do. I’m good. Or at least I will be. I need to do this alone. But know that you offering means the world to me.”

“Okay. I’ll support you from afar. If you change your mind, just call.” Vi yawned again. “I love you too. Talk to you later.”

Sam put the phone on the table, tucked the other pillow against her chest, and let the tears fall as she drifted off to sleep.

Gentry pulled the weeds from the soil of the planter’s box at the base of the Pelican Motel sign. She ran her fingers deep in the soil and let the loose dirt flow through them as she pulled the balls of old root free. How? How was she pregnant? She had tried her best to live her adult life based off of what she believed was the universal sign. This most recent shock was one she could not wrap her head around. She picked up the bag of potting soil and mixed it in with the old dirt. What was she going to do? Nothing about her plans for the next journey in her life could fit a pregnancy, much less an actual baby. A sudden cast over the sun caused her to look up into the cloudless sky.

“You getting her ready for some pretty flowers?” Yvette asked as she walked up to Gentry from the motel office. “It’s getting that time of year.”

“It is.” Gentry stood up. “Actually, I thought about planting a couple of camelia bushes this time. It’s a flowering shrub with deep green leaves and beautiful rose-like flowers.”

“It sounds lovely.”

“They are and they’ll rebloom every year. And the leaves don’t lose their color; so, they stay beautiful all year long. Plus, they’re fairly low maintenance too.”

“Oh.” She leaned against the sign as she studied the expression on Gentry’s face. “It’s getting that time in more ways than one, isn’t it.” Yvette didn’t know much of the facts of Gentry’s life or how she had come to The Pelican. She didn’t know about her past or her hopeful future. What she did know was the person she was at this moment. This act was one to start her farewell.

Gentry looked down at the dirt. Twice a year, she had planted the box with a seasonal plant or flower. It was one of her favorite things to do at the motel. Unfortunately, the pregnancy has sped up her plans. Big Blue was ready, had been ready. Gentry wasn’t. She was enjoying her time at the motel. She had made friends with people she cared about. This was yet another apparent universal kick. She rolled the soil between her fingers. Maybe this was her push to leave because it was time. Otherwise, who knows? Without the pregnancy, she may have stayed too long and missed her opportunity to be a park ranger.

“Does this have anything to do with the phone call you got earlier? Wendy said it was like you’d seen a ghost.”

Gentry drove her hand further into the soil. Deep enough to no longer feel the heated soil but rather the damp coolness of the lower hidden soil. She fought against the mass of it to try to make a fist. Another phone call. “Sort of. I guess.”

“Do you want to talk about it? Tell me who it was that’s made you feel all of this?” Yvette moved her hand up and down. Gentry’s body was tense, her face strained.

Gentry shook her head. “No. Not really. It was just my grandmother. It’s nothing to talk about.” She thought it ironic when Yvette used the term ghost. All these years that woman had been a ghost in her memories—the haunting of her soul. It seems the evil inside of her had finally caught up with her. Ida had called to tell her the woman—the she that was a stain of her childhood was sick. Terminal even. Gentry knew her grandmother hoped she would move back to Brennin one day and maybe this would be the catalyst for it. Inwardly, she figured everyone hoped for a chance to right their wrong. It wasn’t that she disliked her grandmother. On the contrary really, she cared for her as much as she did anyone else. It was Brennin. That place. It held nothing for her but painful memories. She couldn’t fathom any scenario which would make her want to move back there.

Yvette watched as Gentry continued to pick through the soil. Her clenched jaw prevented any further words to be spoken. She knew this subject was part of the one she carried silently like a weight on her back. There would be no more discussion of it.

“Have you told anyone yet? Lou? Wendy?” Yvette asked.

“No. Not yet.”

“When are you planning on pulling out?”

“Soon.” It was time for Gentry to get as far away from Louisiana as she could.

Yvette looked over her shoulder at the bright blue bus that Gentry had worked on every free waking moment. “I knew this day would come from the moment you drove up in that old school bus. Lou thought I was wrong. He was thinking by the time it took you to fix her up that you would’ve wanted to stay. Put down some roots.” She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “But I knew.” She looked at the motel room on the end of building C where Gentry lived as part of her pay for working at the motel. “I knew this was only a stepping stone for you.”

“I told you I would go.” She tossed another ball of roots over her shoulder onto the ground.

“You did.” Yvette reached into the front pocket of her smock and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She pointed the open end to Gentry. “Want one?”

Gentry reached for the cigarette, withdrew her hand for a moment, but then took the cigarette from the pack. “Thanks.”

Yvette lit their cigarettes, took a long drag, and watched Gentry avoid eye contact. She wondered exactly what was going on in her mind. Not that she would ever know, really. She knew as much about Gentry as Gentry wanted her to know. She respected that about her. Lou and Wendy had always pushed for more from her but Yvette gave her the space she knew she was most comfortable with.

Yvette removed a loose bit of tobacco from the tip of her tongue. “A Camelia sounds nice.”

Gentry smiled from behind an exhalation of smoke. “They’ll be beautiful.”

“I’m sure they will. I’ll think of you every time I look at them.” Yvette smoothed out her smock. “Guess I better get back to it. Those rooms ain’t gonna clean themselves.”

“Want some help?”

“Nah, I got it. Besides, Lou and Wendy are making a run into town. I was hoping you could cover the diner. The last of the lunch crowd has left so all there’ll be is maybe a straggler here or there.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

Yvette looked over her shoulder at Gentry as she turned from her. “Am I going to wake up one day to that bus being gone or are you going to say goodbye?”

Gentry couldn’t look at Yvette nor could she answer. She had never felt comfortable with direct questions, especially ones where the answer would lead to pain or hurt. She looked away from her into the sky and took a long drag of the cigarette.

Yvette huffed playfully. “Yep. That’s what I thought. I love you, kiddo.” She put the cigarette between her lips and walked away.

Gentry rolled her shoulders as if she could remove the heaviness those words caused. She took her last puff of her cigarette and stared at the ashes as the fire burned the edges of the paper. Love. What was it anyway? To Gentry it was a word said through the dank, stale breath of beer and cigarettes. She rolled her shoulders again and put the cigarette out in the dirt.

Chapter 4

Gentry heard the bell ding from the front door being opened. “Hang on a sec. I’ll be right there.”

“Are you closed?”

“Are you kidding? We never close,” Gentry said as she rounded the corner from the back of the diner. “Oh, hi.”

“Are you sure? I can come back if you’re too busy.” Sam looked around the diner at the empty tables and realized how silly she sounded.

“Yep. Think you’re going to have to do just that. Sorry but we’re completely swamped.” She looked around the diner mockingly as if trying to find an open table. “Don’t think I can find you a table anywhere.”

Sam smirked.

“Oh hell. I’ll make an exception. What can I get you?” Gentry asked. “I ask in the loosest of terms because I have no idea what’s in the kitchen right now to fix.”

Sam waved her hand in the air dismissively. “Whatever you have is fine.”

“Take a seat anywhere you like.” Gentry smiled at Sam who again looked around the diner.

Sam took a few steps toward the table by the window where she had sat earlier that morning but then stopped and stepped up to the barstools along the counter. She ran her hand along the cool vinyl seat before sitting down.

Gentry smiled at her seating choice. “Stay here. Let me go see what’s in there to fix. You didn’t eat much of your breakfast this morning so I bet you’re starved.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. It’s your dime, not mine.” Gentry walked into the kitchen, opened the large industrial refrigerator, and peered inside. “It’s a good thing Lou and Wendy went for a run. It’s slim pickings in here.” She leaned over to look at Sam through the kitchen cut-out. “How does a BLT sound to you? Do you like tomatoes?”

“Sounds very good and yes, I do like them.” Sam ran her hand along the green Formica countertop. She straightened the salt and pepper shakers next to the glass jar of sugar. First, the salt on the left of the pepper and then on the right. She put the sugar in the middle of the two and then behind them.

“Ummmm. What are you doing?”

Sam looked up to see Gentry staring at her. “I have absolutely no idea.”

Gentry laughed. “Well, don’t get any ideas. We aren’t hiring.”

“Funny you should say that as I currently don’t have a job.”

Gentry cut one-quarter inch slice of the green tomato and brought it to her nose to inhale deeply. “Is that what brings you into town? You’re looking for work?” She placed the tomato back on the cutting board and finished slicing it.

“No. Not exactly. I’m just passing through.” Sam smelled the scent of cooking oil heating. That’s what it was, the smell of the diner. It was a scent of cooking oil and coffee. She had noted it the first time she walked in. She even caught whiffs of it on her clothing after she left.

“Oh, yeah? To where?”

Sam looked up and shrugged her shoulders. “I have absolutely no idea.”

Gentry didn’t know if she should laugh because she didn’t know if Sam had made a joke or if she had actually opened up. Her facial expression seemed to point to the latter. For fear of making a mistake, she frankly said, “Fair enough. Can I get you something to drink?” She reached into the refrigerator, pulled out a beer, and popped the top. She poured just enough into her batter and began dipping the sliced tomatoes into it.

“Actually, I could use one of those.”

Gentry peered through the window and crinkled her nose. “We don’t have a liquor license so I can’t sell you one.” She looked down at her watch. At best, Lou and Wendy wouldn’t be back for at least another hour. She grabbed a red, plastic drinking cup and filled it with the remaining beer. “But, I could be a friend giving another friend a beer. As long as that friend knows how to keep a secret,” she said as she walked to Sam and handed her the glass.

“She sure does. She may even know how to keep two.”

Now that, Gentry knew was humor. She laughed as she walked back into the kitchen. “You’re funny.”

“Thanks. I used to agree with that statement.”

Gentry placed eight strips of bacon on the hot griddle and dropped the battered, sliced green tomatoes into the hot oil. “There’s a story behind a comment like that.”

Sam took a swallow of beer. “There is.”

Gentry remembered the promise she made herself to not press Sam for more than she was comfortable sharing. Wendy, on the other hand, was just that type. She was thankful she wasn’t here because there is no way she would let a comment like that go. She would’ve hounded Sam until she had given her everything but her bank account number. As Gentry turned the bacon and prepped the sourdough bread, she thought of Sam fleeing earlier with one simple question being asked. To prevent the same this time, she decided to halt with the questions. She tore a piece of lettuce from its head and began slicing a ripened tomato. Again, she brought it to her nose to smell before slicing it.

“Why do you do that? Smell the tomato like that,” Sam asked.

Gentry looked at the tomato and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know, really. The woman who taught me to cook used to do it. I suppose I picked it up.”

“The woman who taught you to cook? Not your mother?”

“No.” Gentry brought the knife smoothly through the tomato with a single cut. “Not my mother.”

“Ah. There’s a story behind that comment.”

“There is.” Gentry walked from the kitchen carrying two plates. She placed one in front of Sam. “My very special BLT.”

Sam looked at the plate in front of her and the one Gentry still held. “It looks delicious. And filling. I don’t think I can eat two.”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t mind some company.”

“Oh, sure.” Sam shook her head. “Sorry. I’m not really with it these days. But, yeah, I’d like that.” She lifted the top piece of bread to peek at the fried green tomato. “The silence can be deafening some times in that room.”

Gentry sat next to her at the bar. “That it can be.” She tucked a piece of bacon that had fallen from under the bread back into its place. “That’s why I find something in the silence. There’s always something, you know?”

“No. Not really.”

“Okay. I’ll show you. Listen.” She quieted and closed her eyes. “Hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“The chain of the ceiling fan tapping against the glass globe.” Quickly, she opened her eyes from the vision of light shining in through velour doors. “And that? The hum of the refrigerator.” She turned her head to the side to find Sam staring intently at her. “See, there’s always something within the silence. You just have to find it.” She cut off a small slice of her sandwich. “Sometimes it takes longer than others but it’s always there.” She picked her slice apart and began to eat it piece by piece. Of course, she had noticed the slow, rhythmic click of the ceiling fan in the quietest of times. Easily, it brought her back to those times. Silently she stared off at nothing in particular as she chewed each bite.

Sam watched her. She had one of those cute little noses that most would describe as perky. The nostrils curved upward on each side of the dainty tip. It seemed to widen her smile every time she let it show. Who was this woman in the middle of nowhere? Sam took a healthy bite of her sandwich, which was not easy as it was rather tall. “Damn. This is really good.”

Gentry smiled broadly. “Thank you, ma’am. I guess I should call it my BLTT.” She smirked as she popped a piece of fried green tomato in her mouth. “The fried green tomatoes really set it off.”

Sam caught herself smiling.

“Why are you smiling?” Apparently, Gentry did too.

“Nothing. It’s stupid.” Sam shook her head.

“No, what? I’m one of those crazy people who actually like stupid.”

“It’s just that a movie popped into my head when you said that.”

“Oh my God, I love that movie.”

“Me too,” Sam said shyly.

“Okay, so who are you?”

“I’m sorry?”

“In the movie. Who are you? What character?”

Sam took a swallow of her beer and tried to think of the different characters in the movie. She wanted to answer as best she could. The way Gentry asked, she figured she had her answer decided long before this conversation. Plus, she didn’t seem much like a flippant kind of person. “Honestly, I don’t know. I suppose right about now I’m more Evelyn than anyone else. Who are you?”

“As if.” Gentry gave her a look to match her statement. Seriously, as if she could be anyone other than Idgie. “Idgie all the way.”

“And this is your Whistle Stop?”

“Not really, but,” Gentry put the last of her fried green tomato in her mouth, “the fried green tomatoes are pretty damn good.”

“That they are.” Sam pulled hers from her sandwich and ate the last of it too.

Gentry held the small key hanging from her necklace in between her fingers. She ran it across its chain as she thought about what she wanted to say. She didn’t do what people call sharing when it came to feelings and expressions. Actually, she was quite known for her listening skills. Everyone at the Pelican came to her when they needed to talk, not necessarily for advice as she rarely shared her opinions, but more to vent. She was most comfortable in this role. Yet, here she found herself wanting to share with a complete stranger. Maybe that was what was drawing her in. This woman would be gone in a day’s time. Even if she stayed longer, it’s not like Gentry wasn’t planning on leaving herself. No matter who was to leave first, they would essentially remain complete strangers. Gentry watched Sam as she picked at her sandwich. Her face looked freshly washed and free from make-up except for the light pink lipstick. She was a beautiful woman without any fuss being made at all. Gentry wondered what it was that troubled her to keep her blue eyes red and puffy from what must have been recent tears.

“I’m just passing through too,” she finally said.

Sam looked at her from over her glass as she finished the last of her beer. She was surprised not so much as the words Gentry spoke but in the tone of which she spoke them. She could hear the honesty in them. “Really? I thought you were from here.”

“No. Not from here. I grew up about two hours from here.”

“So, if you’re passing through, where’s your final destination? Maybe you’ll give me some ideas of where to go next.”

“I don’t know if it’s my final destination but I’m headed up north.”

“Really? How far up north?

“To Maine. So, I guess pretty much all the way and still be in the U.S. I got a job with the National Park Service.”

“What? Get outta here?” Sam started to return a slap on Gentry’s arm but then withdrew her hand.

“That’s the plan,” Gentry said quietly and looked down. “To get out of here.”

“At least you have a plan. You’re getting away with a real goal in mind. I’m envious. I’m just running away.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t always have to have a plan to do that.”

Not much more was spoken between them as they finished their meal. They felt the connection within their words but really neither could let themselves open up any more. The sound of the ceiling fan’s chain tapping against the globe was left uninterrupted.

Chapter 5

Since it was late when she returned, Sam dimmed her headlights as she gradually pulled into the Pelican Motel parking lot. She didn’t want their brightness to shine into the large picture windows of the motel rooms as she passed. The dirt and gravel crunched under her tires as she made her way to her building, the last one in the back. She raised her window, turned the engine off, and immediately felt paralyzed in the silence. The loneliness of the motel room awaited her.

“Find something in the silence,” she whispered to herself. She closed her eyes and listened for anything to fill it. Music? She took a second look at her dashboard to make sure she in fact had turned off the car. Stranger things have happened in these last days of barely putting one foot in front of the other.

She grabbed the paper sack from the front seat and stepped out. There it was again—the distant sound of music. She looked around the dark parking lot for the source but all she saw were a few parked cars in front of motel room windows.

“Where is that music coming from?” she mumbled as she walked in between patches of tall bahia grass to go behind the building. The sound of the acoustic guitar and a female singing grew louder with each step she took out into the darkness. As she turned the corner, a light came into focus. A lantern resting on the ground beneath a park bench illuminated the shadow of a woman playing an acoustic guitar.

“Somewhere, somehow, somebody must have kicked you around, some,” Gentry sang softly into the night. Her hands moved along the neck of her guitar and strummed the chords of the body. “Tell me, why you wanna lay there and revel in your abandon.”

Sam quietly walked closer. She didn’t want Gentry to stop playing. Her voice was low, soft but oh so elegant even with the ache and pain in each word she sang. Gentry’s body swayed gently as if each note was felt throughout her body.

“Honey, it don’t make no difference to me baby, everybody’s had to fight to be free.”

Crack.

Fuck. Sam thought as she looked down at the broken stick beneath her foot.

Gentry stood up quickly and held the guitar by the neck as if it was a weapon ready to be beaten across the head of whatever threatened her. “Who’s there? Come any closer, asshole, and you’ll regret it,” she said through gritted teeth.

“It’s Sam.” Sam sped up to come fully into the light of the lantern. “The woman from the diner.”

“Shit.” Gentry sat back down on the bench and patted her chest. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I was trying not to disturb you.”

“Not disturbing me would’ve been to not come out here at all.”

“True enough.” Sam took a step back. “I’ll go. I’m sorry.” She turned on her heel to walk away.

“Wait.” Gentry set her guitar on the ground and leaned it against the bench. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You just really scared me is all.”

“I honestly didn’t mean to. I heard you singing when I got out of my car. I wanted to see where it was coming from. When I saw it was you, I wanted to listen. That’s all.”

“It’s fine. No worries.” Gentry shrugged her shoulders. “Do you want to sit?”

Sam walked cautiously toward the bench and sat down. “You play beautifully. Will you play some more?”

Gentry shuffled her seating on the bench and ran her hand through her hair. “No, I can’t. I’ve never been able to play in front of people.”

Sam smelled the scent of lavender as Gentry’s hair fell back upon her face. She watched Gentry tuck the fallen strands behind her ear. “But you’re so good. Your voice is amazing.”

Gentry smiled shyly. “Thanks. But no.”

“Fair enough.”

Gentry shifted on the bench to face Sam. “Have you ever played anything? A musical instrument? Or written or drawn anything that comes from within you? Something so personal that you feel exposed to share it with someone else? Like they can see you just by reading, seeing, or hearing it?”

“Not really.”

“Then it’s really hard to explain. But that’s how playing is for me. It’s an expression of myself.” Gentry closed her eyes. “The truest expression of me.” She shook her head lightly. “I can’t share it.”

Sam pulled the bottles of whiskey and coke from the paper bag. She poured a healthy shot of each in the disposable cup she talked the store attendant into giving her. “Would you like some? I’ll try to find another cup.”

Gentry shook her head. “No, I’m good. I see you found the convenience store down the road. That’s a pretty stiff drink for this time of night.”

“Yep. It’s one of those nights. And you? Couldn’t sleep?”

“It’s sure been a day.”

Gentry stared up into the sky. The Pelican Motel may not have been much to offer in the way of scenery or entertainment but it sure had some stunning night skies when the clouds were scarce. It was the streetlights or rather lack thereof which gave the stars their brightness. They competed with no other light but each other’s. Tonight was no exception.

“It’s breathtaking, isn’t it?”

Sam looked up. “Completely.”

“I love nights like these. When it’s cool enough to sit outside and need a jacket but it’s too nice to want to go in. The critters come alive in the cool air.” Gentry cocked her head to the side. “Listen.” In her mind, she separated and singled out each insect and bird she could hear. “I always wonder what they’re saying to one another. Like that. Listen.” She was quiet for a moment while she listened again. “What in the heck is that little critter saying? Whatever it is, it must be important because he’s pretty loud about it.”

Sam recognized the cicada. She had tried to force it from her mind. Tried even not to hear the loudest of them all. The cicada. She pictured the charm hanging next to Memaw’s cross on Rayne’s chain. She followed the chain up and around her delicate neck. A light breeze passed her, as if to bring the scent of Rayne’s skin back to her. She inhaled but was left with only the night air of dirt and woods with the faintest of hints of lavender. The cicada sang again. This time even louder. “They’re always loud,” Sam mumbled under her breath and took a healthy drink. She let the whiskey burn as she swallowed.

“True. Some people are annoyed by them.”

Sam took another swallow of her drink. “It’s not that. They just remind me of someone. I can hear them even in my room sometimes. It’s like I can’t get away from them.”

“Someone you don’t want to be reminded of?”

“Not currently.” She brought the cup to her lips and swallowed with force to drink as much as she could in one swallow.

Gentry picked a tall strand of bahia grass from the ground and ran it between her fingers. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not currently.” She emptied the cup and poured another, this time with a ratio preference of whiskey over coke.

Gentry watched Sam drink for affect—for where the alcohol could take her. She had always found that type of drinking to take her to the places she no longer wanted to go. Not everyone had the capability to hurt like the way she saw in Sam’s eyes. Not all people carried a soul that could feel such grief and pain. They simply went through life as if they owned it. As if they wore a coat of impenetrable armor. With Sam, with her, each breath seemed to rust and weaken their armor.

“Did you figure out where you were headed yet?” she asked, hoping to slow the pace of her drinking.

“Not really.” Sam looked at the cup. “I guess I’ll go back to Atlanta.”

Gentry twirled the grass around her finger and let it spring back into shape. “Is that where you’re from?”

“I grew up there. My parents still live there.”

“Ah, so you want to go see your parents?”

“Not really.”

“You know, I’m not trying to pry. Totally okay if you don’t want to talk. I’m just making conversation.”

Sam reached out to touch Gentry’s arm but then drew her hand back. “It’s not that. Really. I honestly haven’t figured out where I’m going next. I know it’s time to go somewhere. I just don’t know where that somewhere is. I need some kind of destination before I go. So, I thought I would head home and see if something came to mind before I got there.”

Gentry threw the blade of grass out in front of her. “You don’t really though.”

“Don’t really what?”

“Have to have a destination in mind before you go? You’ve got pretty much three choices. I would say four but if you choose south, you’ve not got that far to go. Pick any of the other three: north, east, or west. And then go.”

“And it’s supposed to be that simple.” Sam poured another drink.

Gentry saw the light of the lamp shine through the top half of the whiskey bottle. “Yes. Actually, it is.” She wrapped her hand around the neck of her guitar and stood up. “It’s time for me to go.” She didn’t want to stay to hear the slur slither into Sam’s voice. “Go easy on that stuff or you’ll regret it in the morning. I’ll come back for the lantern later.”

Sam held the whisky bottle up and swirled it to gauge how much was left. “Thanks for the company, Gentry.”

“You’re welcome.” Gentry stopped as she passed behind Sam. She recognized the brokenness in the slump of her shoulders. “You can tell a lot about a person when you can see their soul carried on them the way you carry yours.”

Sam’s head perked up to her voice. Yet she didn’t turn around.

“Take care of yours, Sam. It seems to deserve it.”

Sam swirled her drink in her glass as she stared at the trees in the distance. In the dark, they looked like the silhouette of mountain peaks.

Chapter 6

Gentry had known from the beginning that she would leave the Pelican one day. Yvette was right—it was never meant to be more than a stepping stone for her. The job with the National Park Service had been her first sign it was time. She had applied to different parks over the years but this was the only time she had been chosen. Her second sign had been the distinctive pink plus sign. She couldn’t possibly stay with the impending growth of her baby bump. What to do with this baby needed to be her decision without anyone else feeling the need to input theirs. She gave the motel room she had called home for the last few years one more look. She checked the drawers to make sure they were empty. She looked around the bathroom, behind the shower curtain, and under the bed. It was all clear. Nothing of Gentry Bell was left in the room. Not a trace she had been there. She liked it that way.

The sun had not yet started to rise when she walked out of the room. The hint of morning was nothing more than an early glow toward the eastern sky and the smell of fresh dew on the grass. It wet the tips of her Converse tennis shoes as she walked toward the bright blue renovated school bus. She couldn’t help but smile as she saw it waiting for the next journey in her life. Tirelessly, she had worked on it to transform it from a school bus to her new home. As she rounded the front of it, she looked up at the street light, flickering and humming with electricity. Come to think of it, that’s exactly how she felt. Her body was humming with electricity of excitement and nervousness. She had never been one to shy away from being alone. Honestly, she rather enjoyed it. In her youth, she had found people to be hurtful and disappointing. As she grew older, she learned to never give them the chance to disappoint her which often times found her alone. This morning, she was alone purely by design. Today was the first day of her next chapter. She opened the doors of the bus, stepped up the two steps, sat in the driver’s seat, and cranked her up. Her smile broadened.

Slowly, she drove past the buildings of the Pelican Motel. She stopped before pulling out onto the highway and looked in her rearview mirror at the sign. The boomerang arrow pointed to another memory of a home she was leaving. A better memory than the one she had of her previous one. She leaned her head down to look at the tip of the antenna tower that stood behind the sign. She remembered helping Lou fix it after a tornado twisted the metal into an awful shape. She never quite understood why Lou spent so much time fixing a CB antenna he never planned to use. Hell, he didn’t even have the CB radio anymore. She shrugged her shoulders. People have their reasons, who was she to try to figure them out?

She smiled at the camelia bushes she planted and hoped they would bloom to bring pleasant, happy thoughts of her to Lou, Yvette, and Wendy.

“Well, Pelican, you’ve been good to me but it’s time to move on. After all, it’s a great big world.”

She grabbed her red-framed sunglasses and rested them on her head, readying them for when the rising sun would burst through her windshield. She pushed play on her CD player, depressed the clutch, shifted into first, and rolled out onto the interstate.

She turned the volume up on her radio and began to sing to her favorite Tom Petty album. “Raised on promises, she couldn’t help thinkin’ that there was a little more to life somewhere else.” Her fingers tapped with the rhythm on the steering wheel. “After all, it was a great big world with lots of places to run to.” She reached down to turn the volume up even louder and danced in her chair. “Oh yeah, all right. Take it easy, baby. Make it last all night.” Louisiana would soon be in her rearview mirror, which made her happier than she had imagined this day to feel. She vowed she would never return.

Sam walked into the diner to get a cup of coffee to go. Her eyes were red and her vision blurred from another night of restless sleep. She hadn’t drunk anymore of the whiskey and coke because deep down she knew today was the day to be moving on. She forced herself out of bed with the rising sun. If she hadn’t, she knew she would have curled up in the sheets and slept yet another day away. She looked over at the empty table four and decided to have a quick cup and a bite to eat before she left. It also would be nice to say goodbye to Gentry before she left.

“Hi ya, honey. What can I get you?”

She looked up at the older woman’s voice. She recognized her from the motel office. “Ummm,” she stuttered with surprise. Of course, she didn’t know everyone here or how the motel’s daily routines flowed. But she had come to know only Gentry and Wendy in the diner. “I’ll have a coffee and an order of pancakes.”

“You got it,” Yvette said.

Sam stared out the large window in the front of the diner. She watched the cars speed past on the interstate. The diner was a prime location with nothing more between it and the interstate but a small strip along the exit road. It was time, she was ready to leave Louisiana without any hopes or thoughts of ever coming back. It’s not like she had any idea she would run into Rayne here in Eunice. There were so many small towns around central Louisiana that it was quite doubtful they would be in the same one at the same time. As long as she stayed away from Brennin, she should be fine. Yet there was nothing for her here. Her only draw to this part of the south was Rayne and even that draw didn’t fill her with the desire to make Louisiana home. This wasn’t her place. Sure, the scenery with sunsets over the bayou and moss-covered trees was beautiful but it was small. Too small for her. She wanted city lights, culture, and entertainment. She scribbled another reason on her mental list of why it was good she and Rayne split up.

“The sugar is on the table. Do you want cream?” Yvette asked.

“Yes, please,” Sam replied. “I’m sorry, but where are the other two women I used to see in here? Is someone in the office? I wanted to check out this morning.” Sam really wanted to know about Gentry.

Yvette looked around the fairly empty diner. “I’ll be right back.” She walked to the counter, poured a cup of coffee, and came back to sit down at Sam’s table. “It’s a sad morning around here. When Wendy and Lou came in this morning, there were notes to each of us from our other waitress.” Yvette twirled the coffee cup between her hands. “Waitress. She was more than that. Her name was Gentry,” she swallowed the lump in her throat, “and she was family.”

“Notes?”

“Goodbye letters.” Yvette took a sip of coffee.

“She’s gone?” Sam felt a sense of sadness, which felt odd to her. Hadn’t she been crippled with sadness since December? How on earth could she feel more, especially from the missing of someone she hardly knew?

“Yep. Pulled Big Blue out this morning. Poor Wendy was the first to see the letters. She was crying her eyes out when Lou called me to come over. I sent her home to collect herself.”

Sam shook her head. She was lost in the assumptions she actually had a clue as to what was going on. “Big Blue?”

Yvette smiled as if knowing she was confused. She reached out and touched Sam’s arm. “Let me catch you up, honey. Did you ever see that big bus parked in the back of the motel buildings? Looked like a school bus but blue?”

“Yes.”

“That was Gentry’s. She’d been working on that thing ever since I know’d her. Hell, she pulled up in it when she came looking for a job. Back then tho’, it was an ordinary school bus. She spent every minute she was off working on that thing. Damn if she didn’t turn it into a house on wheels. She been pretty much through with it for about two years now. I figured any day she would pull out but I suppose she kept working to save up her money. I don’t know. Don’t figure anybody does tho’. She probably talked more to me than anyone and I be damned if I know much at all.” She took another swallow of coffee.

Sam did too.

“When I saw her planting them camellias, I gave a mind it was coming up. Until then, she had only planted seasonal stuff. She knows good and well I won’t be planting nothing so I guess it was her way of taking care of me.” Yvette wiped the corner of her eye.

“Where did she go?”

“Don’t rightly know for sure.” She pulled a letter from the front pocket of her apron. She ran her fingers across her name written on the front. “Says here she got a job with the park service. I didn’t even know she had applied.”

“What about her family?”

“I don’t reckon I know if she’s got any. Don’t know much about Gentry’s life past or present. What I know are the things she didn’t have to tell me. The things I seen with my own eyes. Those things about her, we gone miss some kind of bad around here. Wishing we could’ve been the family that kept her here.”

“Do you care to share those things you saw in her?”

Yvette smiled earnestly at Sam’s request. She leaned back in her chair and stared out the window, thinking of her answer. Truth was, she didn’t know where to start. Gentry had sure left her impression on her. “Where to start.” She ran her thumb across the top of her coffee cup. “She’s honest. I always test them drifters when they come up. Never know what kind you gone get out here alone. Gotta know if I can trust them before I let them close and open the diner. Been burnt one too many times. So I left a twenty-dollar bill laying out. You know, somewhere easily seen by staff but easily taken without anyone knowing it was you? She never took it. Damn thing had two inches of dust on it before I picked it up. Not once did our deposit ever come up short. Little thing was smart too. Lou used to brag on her all of the time. On the count of she picked stuff up so fast. They tore that engine apart. I don’t know who enjoyed piecing that bus together more, him or her. Before his back started going out, he was a damn good mechanic.”

Yvette looked over her shoulder toward the kitchen and winked when they made eye contact. Lou smiled like a little boy who just had his crush give him a sign she liked him back. To Sam, it was adorably cute and terribly sad with memories of holding Rayne in her eyes in a similar way.

“She loved them critters,” Yvette continued. “I watched her tend to anything on four legs that wandered up. God forbid they be hurt. That woman would nurse them back as if she was a trained vet.” Yvette laughed to herself. “One time, she stopped the whole diner in their tracks to catch a lizard that slipped in somehow. I asked her one day why she did all of that. She told me ‘All life is precious.’ That’s all she said.” Yvette held her hand over her heart and tapped her chest softly. “All life is precious,” she repeated softly. She wiped a tear from her eye as it started to fall on her cheek. She looked up at Sam with sadness in her eyes. “Something or someone hurt her though. Hurt her bad. She carried it in her eyes. I’m thinking it’s that kind of pain that never goes away. Sometimes it wasn’t as bad as others. But it never went away. Lou and Wendy didn’t see it, but I did.” She took another sip. “She never talked about it or even let on she’d been hurt.” Yvette stood up quickly. She couldn’t think more on it or she would be a blubbering mess like her daughter. “Well,” she said as she briskly straightened her apron. “Enough of that. Time to get back to work.” She reached her hand out to Sam. “The name’s Yvette. It’s nice to meet you.”

Sam shook her hand. “Sam.”

“Ah.” Yvette reached back into the front of her apron. “Then this one is for you.”

She handed Sam an envelope. On the front of it was written, “Sam (the blonde at table 4).”

“Something about you must have struck a chord with her.” She put her hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Breakfast is on the house. Any friend of Gentry’s is a friend of ours.”

“Thank you,” Sam said as she took the envelope. She was left speechless from the surprise of the envelope.

Sam sat in the driver’s seat of her car and stared at the envelope. She looked at the buildings of the Pelican Motel with their dusty white sides and dull gray roofs. She looked in her rearview mirror at the Pelican Diner and thought of Gentry. She wondered where she had gone. She caught the scent of lavender as she opened the envelope. It was a single piece of paper that read,

No experience in life defines who you are. Not even a little white box. I hope you find the path that’s meant for you and no one else. Take care of your soul. Gentry.

She thought of walking up on Gentry as she played the guitar. She reached over, got her favorite Stevie Nicks CD, popped it in the radio, and turned the volume up. As she pulled out onto the interstate, she realized she wouldn’t soon forget her time at the Pelican Motel.

Chapter 7

Spring happened earlier in the south than the rest of the states. It was one of the things she enjoyed most. It wasn’t that she had ever been an outdoorsy kind of girl but more the newness of the life spring carried with it. Leaves would cover the winter’s naked tree branches with the brightest green they would ever hold. Buds would begin to pop out with anticipation of the flower it would soon bloom. The interstate was no exception this spring. It was literally filled with all that Sam had once enjoyed most about this season. Today, she noticed the painted lines of the asphalt as she rapidly sped along them. So much so she hadn’t noticed how quickly she was approaching Atlanta, which was only another two hours away as she was on the other side of Birmingham, Alabama. She lifted her foot from the gas pedal.

Not yet. She thought as she slowed. She decided to take the upcoming exit.

“No way,” she said aloud as she saw a big blue bus with a white roof pulled over on the side of the road. She pulled in behind it and parked. Her heartbeat quickened as she got out of her car and shut the door. She looked behind her at the oncoming traffic and scooted in closer to her car.

I mean, what are the chances, right? How many big blue buses could there be?” She wiped her palms on her jeans. She had no idea what she was going to say. A few possibilities came to mind. Unfortunately, they all sounded as lame as she felt. So, hi. I saw your bus and thought I would stop. She rolled her eyes. Hey. I got your letter and thought I would stop. She ran her hand along the back of her neck and squeezed it tightly. “Ugh,” she grunted, “you’re a complete idiot. Yep. That sounds about right.”

As she came up to the driver’s window, she saw Gentry sitting in the driver’s seat, eating an apple and tracing her finger along a map spread across her steering wheel. Sam lightly tapped on the window but Gentry didn’t flinch. Instead, she began to tap her fingers to the rhythm of the music blaring from the speakers. Sam knocked harder on the glass.

“Son of a bitch!” Gentry screamed when she jumped in her seat.

Sam couldn’t help but to laugh at the crooked red-framed sunglasses on Gentry’s face. She had jumped so hard the glasses that had been perched on her head were now halfway across her forehead.

Gentry pushed them back on her head and slid back the driver’s window. “What the hell? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“No. Not particularly.” Sam was still chuckling.

Gentry turned in her seat to look behind the bus. “How the hell are you here?”

A diesel truck slowed as it took the exit. Yet it was still fast enough to blow Sam’s hair as it passed. She brushed the hair from her eyes.

“Get in here before you get yourself run over.” Gentry reached over and pushed the handle to open the bus doors.

Sam wasn’t sure what she expected to see when she walked up the two steps into the bus. Yvette told her Gentry had turned it into a home on wheels but she never imagined this. This space was amazing. It was like a hybrid of a mountain cabin and beach house all tucked nicely into this little package. The ceiling inside matched the white roof with the rest of the bus in colors of white, sea-colored turquoise, and walnut-stained wood.

“Wow.” Sam looked around, taking it all in. “Gentry, this is amazing.”

Gentry smiled proudly. “Thanks.” She ran her fingers along the top of the steering wheel. “She turned out better than I imagined when I bought her.” She folded the map neatly, put it on the dash, and turned in the driver’s seat. “Now, again I ask, how in the hell are you here?”

“I know. It’s crazy right?” Both of Sam’s eyebrows had raised in the surprise of the chance meeting. “I saw Atlanta was coming up but I wasn’t quite ready to be there. So, I pulled off to see if I could find something to drink. And here you are.”

“Here I am.” Gentry studied her. She actually looked a fine mess with her hair still out of sorts from the wind of the truck. One curl was turned in the opposite direction of the others and formed a magnificent impersonation of Alfalfa. It didn’t do much for the serious expression of probable regret that appeared on her face with Gentry’s flat response. “Um, you have a,” she said as she pointed to Sam’s head, “curl sticking up out of place.”

“Oh.” Sam nervously brushed her hand over the top of her head. “Thanks.”

Gentry wrestled with how she felt about Sam’s interruption. She had, in fact, left it all behind. Yet here was a piece—granted a very small piece—of it standing in the entryway of her bus. Although, there honestly was no baggage tied to Sam. She knew nothing of her past and had only really known she existed in the world over the last couple of days. Sam’s feet caught her attention when she shifted them from the left foot to the right. She felt a twinge of laughter with the frayed seams of her bright orange Converse Chuck Taylors. “Are you going hunting later?”

“I’m sorry?”

Gentry smiled. “Nothing. I was talking about your shoes. They reminded me of a hunter’s orange. Sorry. Bad joke.”

Sam giggled timidly and looked over her shoulder to the bus doors. “No, it’s fine.”

Gentry pointed to her refrigerator. “You’re welcome to see what I have in there.”

Sam ran her hand over the countertop next to the sink and slowly took in the space. “Thanks…but it was more pulling off of the road than anything else. I shouldn’t have interrupted you though. I’ll go.” She shifted her feet again and turned toward the doors.

“So,” Gentry said quickly as she stood from the driver’s seat. “Atlanta was the chosen destination, huh?”

Sam shrugged again. “I had all the maps laid out but didn’t see anywhere that struck. I hoped maybe something would come to me on the drive.” Her tone did nothing to hide the depression in her words.

“Maybe it did.”

“Come again?”

“I’m saying maybe something did come to you on your drive.”

Sam caught her meaning and pointed in between the two of them. “I know. How impossible is this, right?”

“Maybe not as much as you think. I tend to believe there is no chance. Everything happens for a reason. You could’ve literally taken any exit but this one. Or if the timing had been off by ten minutes, we would’ve completely missed each other. If you look at it like that, then this is exactly where you’re supposed to be. Your job is to figure out what that reason is.” Gentry watched for Sam’s reaction. She looked at her jeans with the knees cut out and wondered if the woman had any without holes in them. She looked back at the map and then back at Sam. “Is anyone expecting you in Atlanta today? Have you told anyone that you’re coming?”

Sam looked down at her feet. “I haven’t. My mom thinks I’m still in Louisiana.”

Gentry rubbed her bottom lip between her thumb and index finger. “So no one knows where you are?”

“Nope.”

Gentry was surprised by the apparent impromptu decisions of Sam. She was a woman on her own quest. Alone like herself. Long ago, she stopped fighting what was meant to be. She had fought life’s experiences tooth and nail in her young adult life, determined not to have anything decided for her but to make her own destiny. Then one day, she accepted it wasn’t up to her. There was a power in the universe that had its hands on her shoulders leading her where it was she was to go. Maybe this wasn’t just Sam’s journey.

“You could follow me. I’m detouring around Atlanta with Big Blue. Plus, there’s something I want to see a couple of hours from here. I think you may like it.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?”

“I’m not telling you. If you come, I’d like to see the surprise on your face. If you decide not to, well then, I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

Sam bent over to look out the side window. There were at least five symbols of hotels and gas stations on the sign of the exit.

“The destination shouldn’t be your goal but rather what you find in the journey. Care to take a journey with me, Sam?” Gentry paused. “I don’t even know your last name.”

Sam smiled. “It’s LeJeune.”

“Wow. Nice name.”

“Thanks. And yours?”

“It’s not as fancy as yours. Bell.” She raised her hand up. “Gentry Bell. It’s nice to meet you, Sam LeJeune.”

Sam took her hand and shook it. “You too.”

Gentry didn’t let go. “So, Sam, what say you? I’m stopping here for the night. Juliette, Georgia is about two and a half hours from here. Maybe three with Big Blue.” She pointed over her shoulder to the exit sign. “I bet one of those hotels has a room. I’m going for the campground a couple of miles that way. We could meet up in the morning.”

Sam imagined Gentry mulling about her home on wheels. She found Gentry’s strength to be enticing. She marveled at the adventure in her soul. She felt Gentry squeeze her hand and looked back at the anticipation in her expression. “What the hell.” She shrugged. “Sure. I’ll come along.”

“Excellent.” Gentry shook her hand one final time, released it, and said with a smile. “Let’s do this.”

“Where are you going again?” Violet asked as she flipped through her patient’s chart.

“I have no idea,” Sam said with a small laugh. “It’s crazy. Isn’t it?”

“Ummm, yes, my friend. It’s a little crazy to be following a woman without knowing where you’re going. You don’t even know this woman. She could be a serial killer for all you know. Here she is, leading you off to her massive burial ground.” She paused. “No, I take that back. It’s a lot crazy.”

“I know it is, Vi. That’s why I’m calling you.”

“What the fuck do you think I can do? I’m in Alabama and you’re God knows where in Georgia. Honestly, Sam, you’re smarter than this.”

“You send the police out looking if you don’t hear back from me.” Sam sped up to read Gentry’s license plate number. “I’m going to call out her license plate number for you to jot down.”

“Oh Christ. You’ve lost your mind. It’s finally happened.” Violet leaned over the nurse’s counter to grab a yellow sticky note. “Okay. Go ahead.”

Sam called out the license plate and slowed back down. “See. It’s all good now. I’m safe.”

“Uh huh. Safely certifiable. Have you even considered for one minute how insane this is? Sam, you were a respected surgeon. You taught med students, for crying out loud. And now you’re what? Driving off into nowhere with some complete stranger. It’s bad enough you quit your job and fellowship…but this? This is damn ridiculous.”

“Maybe so.” Sam slowed even more.

“Definitely so.”

“I can tell you one thing for sure though.”

“What’s that?”

“I didn’t wake up crying this morning.”

“Hold that thought.” Violet closed the chart and looked up at the nurse who was standing behind the desk. “I wrote an order for a.m. labs of a CBC, chemistry panel, and beta HCG. Page me if there are any changes.” Violet walked around the nurse’s station and pushed open the door to the physician’s lounge. She grabbed a bottle of water and sat down in the oversized-leather chair. “You didn’t?”

“Nope. And I still haven’t. That persistent lump in my throat isn’t here right now. It may come back. But right now, I’m not a slobbering mess.”

Violet shook off her Dansko clogs and stretched her legs out across the ottoman in front of her. “That’s very interesting. I mean, it’s great. Don’t get me wrong. But still very interesting.” She rolled the water bottle cap in between her fingers. “Why is that do you think?”

“I have no idea but I’m not complaining. It felt pretty damn good this morning to get dressed. I’m actually attempting to wear mascara today. Keep your fingers crossed it doesn’t end up running all over my face.”

“Hmmmm. Maybe it’s this woman.”

“Or maybe it’s what I’m doing. Maybe it’s the adventure of the unknown. Someone else having control of where I’m going, you know? I’m just following this big blue bus to I don’t know where to do I don’t know what. Maybe it’s that.”

“I’m sorry. Go back. Did you say big blue bus?”

Sam laughed. “Hell yeah I did. She’s driving an old school bus that she renovated into a house on wheels.” Sam swept her bangs out of her eyes. They were really starting to irritate her as she badly needed a haircut. “I mean like a really nice house on wheels. You should see inside this thing. I don’t know what I expected it to look like exactly but I know it wasn’t what I saw. It’s like a mountain cabin but then also reminds me of your beach house. It’s insane how good this thing looks.”

“And she did it herself?”

“Yep. Well, her and Lou the cook from the diner. Cook and owner. Him, his wife, and his daughter run the hotel.”

“Does this woman favor Lou? As in look like him?”

Sam laughed out loud. “No, crazy.”

“Well, how do I know?” Violet reached down and rubbed her aching feet. She looked at her watch and thought only two more hours to go. “You’re telling me about a woman who is leading you down a country road in Georgia in her big blue bus that she herself turned into a house on wheels. I’m not exactly picturing a little delicate flower of a woman. The name Lou sounds just about right.”

“You’re such a nut, which is one of many reasons I love you.”

“Ditto. Now tell me more about Ms. Delicate Flower.” Violet was falling into the glimpse of laughter that had returned to her friend’s voice.

“I’m going to Ms. Delicate Flower you. Her name is Gentry. Gentry Bell. Actually, she really isn’t very big at all and does have delicate features. She has the tiniest little nose with these big, expressive eyes and heart-shaped face. She’s about my height, fairly thin. She’s pretty cool too. She really doesn’t have much to say and is fine if you don’t either. She’s not nosey or pushy to try to get you to talk.” Sam thought of Gentry and the things she had most found appealing about her. “Oh, and she has a beautiful voice. I caught her singing one night behind the motel. She was sitting outside, playing her guitar, and singing. All alone and perfectly comfortable. In fact, she stopped the minute I came up. Says she only plays when she is alone. I don’t know, Vi. That struck me. It’s like she lives for herself and no one else. Yet, she’s warm and nice at the same time. And she left me a letter. Did I tell you that?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“She did. She left it for me at the diner the morning she left. It was very sweet. Thoughtful even.”

“Mmmmm hmmmm. I see.” Violet hummed into the phone.

“You see? What do you see?”

“I see that she sounds like just what the doctor ordered. Is she a lesbian?”

“It’s not like that, doctor, so put your prescription pad away. I have no idea if she is or isn’t. And it doesn’t matter anyway because it is not like that at all. Hear me? At all.”

“I’m just saying.”

“I know what you’re just saying but you can stop. The last thing I need right now is another woman.”

“Come, dear. Women are always needed.” Violet drank the last of her water, slipped her clogs back on, and stood up. “I need to run so I can finish up and get the hell out of here. But I’ll leave you with one final thought on this conversation. A little pearl of wisdom if you will.” She loosely tucked her scrub shirt back into her scrub pants. “The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody.”

Sam huffed, “Ha,”

“Say what you will. It’s a scientific proven fact.”

“The only scientific fact here is that you’re a damn nut. Get back to work.”

Violet blew kisses into the phone. “Love you honey. Do everything I would do.”

“That’s a lot.”

“You’re damn right it is.”

Gentry stifled back a yawn as she looked in the review mirror at the red Mercedes following her. She didn’t sleep much the night before with thoughts of what this woman could possibly have to do with her own journey. How in the hell did she really end up taking that exit at that time anyway? If she had been five or ten minutes earlier or later, they may have missed each other entirely. True she had given up fighting the universal path laid out for her because it only ended in learning harder lessons. Yet she couldn’t help the questions as they flowed in how her and Sam’s journey could possibly be connected. Then again, maybe she’s just following her this leg of the trip and not necessarily destined to develop any kind of connection. Long ago, she had made the conscious choice to have no connections with anyone. Not that her childhood had found her with many true connections. Certainly as an adult, she knew she wouldn’t let anyone close enough to hurt her again. Her childhood didn’t define who she was but it was definitely a mold. A vision of a woman with bleached-blonde hair who smelled of stale tobacco and beer flashed in her mind. She shook the vision from her head and turned up her music.

“Not today,” she said to herself. In the darkest or weakest of her times, she would let those flashbacks play back sometimes. Sometimes, most times, those memories would be the reminder she needed to overcome the hardest of times. They reminded her of what was never to be again. But, not today. She wouldn’t let them in today. She pressed the gas pedal harder and smiled at the thought of her next destination.

She watched as Sam’s car sped up closer behind her. She had been on the phone earlier and was still smiling from the conversation.

“That’s what did it,” Gentry mumbled. “That smile of yours.”

Sam had these perfectly shaped lips that were impossible to ignore when she smiled. As if that wasn’t enough to chip at Gentry’s wall, she also had these incredibly sad eyes void of any happiness. Perhaps the sadness is what connected her to Sam. Something or someone had hurt her…still hurts her. A sadness that deep leaves a person incapable of focusing any attention on others, much less strangers. Gentry felt safe around Sam. She didn’t worry Sam would try to push her to give or be more than she wanted. How could she when she was trying to find function again herself?

Gentry slowed the bus to a stop at the railroad tracks of Juliette, Georgia. She felt a brush of wind from the speeding train against her arm as it rested across the open window. With great excitement, she anticipated what she would see when the last of the cars passed. She played scenes over in her head, including the one with the infamous train. It was her heart to smile first as the small white building with brick columns on its porch appeared. Immediately, she looked in the rearview mirror to see if Sam recognized it too. Unfortunately, she only saw a confused expression on her face. No matter; she would get it soon. She shifted the bus into first and crept across the train tracks.

“What is this place?” Sam asked as she got out of her car. “Where are we? I don’t recognize anything. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a cute little town. Quaint but nice. And it was a pretty drive. But clue me in. Why did you want to come here?”

“It’s Juliette, Georgia.”

“Ummmm. Yep. Got that from the road sign. But why are we in Juliette, Georgia?”

“I’m hungry. Aren’t you?”

“Starving would be a better description.”

“Good. Then this is the perfect place for us to be.” Gentry walked along the side of the old, white building and motioned for Sam to follow. She could smell the dirt kicked into the air with each footstep she took.

Gentry leaned against a brick column of the front porch. She propped one foot up on the natural wooden steps. “Do you get it now?”

Sam nodded. “No. Sorry. Should I?” She started to walk up the steps.

“No, wait. Don’t come up. Walk with me to the front of the building to see the sign over the porch. Then you’ll get it,” Gentry said as she walked to the front of the building. “I want to see if you recognize where we are before we go in. I want to see your face.”

Sam was beyond confused. She didn’t understand how she could possibly recognize somewhere she had never been before but the smile on Gentry’s face made her want to play along. She walked to where Gentry stood and looked up at the sign above the porch.

“No fucking way,” Sam said.

“Yes way.” Gentry proudly extended her arm and announced “I give you, the Whistle Stop Café.”

“This is too cool.” Sam bounced on her toes so high that she kicked dust into the air.

Gentry found it incredibly childlike and full of real emotion. Exactly what she had hoped to see.

“I am too excited,” Sam called over her shoulder as she sprinted toward the steps. She stopped on the last step and turned to Gentry. “I didn’t even know this was a real place. I lived in Atlanta how long? And never, ever knew this was here. How did you know?”

“I didn’t really. Not at first. I came across it when I was researching the route. I knew I had to stop the minute I saw it.” She ran her fingers over the painted lettering on the window that proclaimed Fried Green Tomatoes Served Hot. Over and over, she had watched the movie and escaped into the lives of the characters. Of course, she knew they weren’t real people. Real people would have been unpredictable. In the movie, she knew every action they would take. This was not so true of real life. Rarely, did she ever know what would happen to her night to night. For some reason, this movie gave her hope that there would be something beyond what she was living then. She tapped the lettering one last time before turning to go in.

Sam grabbed the door handle and said, “Thank you for inviting me. This is perfect. Absolutely perfect.” She pushed open the door.

“It is, isn’t it? It’s almost like waking up from a dream to find something truly exists.”

As if a vacuum had been released, the scent of home cooking wafted over the two women. Both of their eyes widened. The scene from the movie had given them a visual of the Whistle Stop Café. Although, it was nothing compared to the feel, smell, and sound of the place. The waitresses buzzed around the tables with each step making a distinctive tap on the old, plank floor.

“Y’all sit anywhere,” a woman called out from behind the cash register.

“It’s just like the movie,” Sam said as they headed to a booth. “I even think they’re the same booths.”

“It is.” Gentry looked around the place. “I know she’s totally make-believe but I swear I feel like Idgie is going to walk from that kitchen any minute.” Gentry sat down at the booth. “That character was fiercely determined to make her life exactly what she wanted it to be. And damn the world if it tried to interfere.” She laid her palms flat against the table and felt the unpolished knots in the wood. “This is the perfect beginning.” She looked across the table at Sam, her completely unplanned addition.

Sam marveled at the expression on Gentry’s face. She hadn’t seen such life in her eyes before today. It made the green of her eyes brighten.

“It is,” Sam said as she looked around the restaurant. Memorabilia of pictures, taxidermized fish, newspaper clippings, and old metal advertisement signs adorned if not crowded the walls.

“Isn’t it?” Gentry replied. She glanced over at the U-shaped bar area in the middle of the room. The sides were for sitting with stools made of straw seats. The front was a glass showcase of more knick-knacks. “I particularly like that little guy.” She pointed to the ceramic rooster sitting at the edge of the glass case.

“Totally. He’s priceless.” Sam patted the table to get Gentry’s attention. “Thank you for bringing me with you.”

Gentry noted a lightness to Sam’s expression when she looked at her. It may have even had a glow to it. Not one from the light hanging above their table nor from the sun streaming in through the window. This was one radiating from the inside. She had made Sam happy and that made her happy. Maybe too happy.

Gentry held her menu up. “I want one of everything. Is that bad?”

“Hell no. I do too.”

“Well, we do have a refrigerator steps away. We could get the leftovers to go.”

“Truth.”

The women finally settled on fried green tomatoes and the daily special of fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans, biscuits, and fresh peach cobbler for dessert.

“Fried green tomatoes,” Sam and Gentry said together when the waitress set the plate in front of them. She had brought them out first.

The waitress smiled at them. “Ah, I see. Looks like I’m serving Idgie and Ruth for lunch today.”

Sam and Gentry smiled.

Gentry raised her plate to her nose. “They smell delicious.”

The waitress smiled “They better be. Don’t let me stop you. Dig in.”

“Oh my God.” Sam’s eyes rolled back in her head. “These are so good.”

The waitress winked at her. “Is that what brings y’all to these parts? Fried Green Tomatoes?” she asked them.

“Kind of,” Gentry replied. “It’s why I planned the detour.”

“Oh? Where you two headed?”

“I’m headed up north for work,” Gentry said and looked over at Sam as she cut off another bite of tomato.

Sam bit the side of her bottom lip and thought for a second. “Honestly, I have no idea where I’m headed after this.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe for a second helping of these?”

“You better wait to see if you have room after the rest,” the waitress said and then gave Sam a quizzical look. “Hmpf. I had my mind set you two were here together. But alrighty then. Your lunch should be out in a few. Enjoy,” the waitress said and stepped over to another table.

“When do you think you’re going to decide where you’re going?” Gentry asked.

“When I get there,” Sam said playfully. She didn’t see a shared expression of play on Gentry’s face. “Honestly, I don’t know. I guess I’m hoping it’ll just come to me when I least expect it.”

“Ah.”

“Can I ask where you’re actually headed? I only know north and to work with the National Park Service. Beyond that, it’s a mystery. Pretty much everything about you is.”

“Yet here you sit.” Gentry took another bite. She watched Sam do the same. “Were you nervous following me?”

“Hell yes I was. My best friend has your license plate number, just so you know. If you have any plans of snuffing me out, you might want to think about it first.” She pointed her empty fork at Gentry.

Gentry laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Seriously though, can I ask where it is exactly you’re headed?”

“Yes, you can.”

Sam waited for the rest of Gentry’s response. “Well,” she darted her eyes back and forth, “are you going to tell me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you ask? You asked if you could ask me and I said yes you can.”

Sam chuckled with the returned playfulness. “I see what you did there. Touché.” She realized her laugh was louder than she intended when she saw the table next to them turn back around. “You make me laugh,” she said in a quieter tone. “At this point in my life, that’s a damn hard thing to do.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I’ve heard you laugh a few times. I even saw you laughing while you were on the phone.” Gentry shuffled her napkin and looked down at her lap. “It looks good on you, by the way.”

“What does?”

“Your laugh. Happiness.”

“Thanks,” Sam said shyly and looked out the window.

“Here you go, ladies. Got two lunch specials for you.” The waitress looked at the empty plates in front of the woman. “I’m going to go out on a limb and say you liked the fried green tomatoes.”

“They were so good.” Gentry leaned back against the booth to make room for the waitress to pick up their empty plates and set down their lunch.

“Don’t forget to save room for dessert.” The waitress set the plates on the table.

The smell of fried chicken made Gentry’s stomach feel a twinge of nausea followed quickly by a sense of hunger. She rubbed her stomach and thought of the baby inside. Whatever was she going to do about that? The timing of her choices was ticking away. Again, she shook the thought from her head. She had an uncanny ability to do such a thing. She took a bite of the mashed potatoes as she watched Sam dig her fork into the chicken. She hardly knew this woman at all. What on earth caused her to invite her here of all places? More importantly, why did she feel a sense of wanting to share anything about herself with her.

Oh hell. Here goes anyway. She thought to herself before speaking out loud. “I’m headed to Arcadia National Park in Maine to work as a park ranger.”

Sam looked up at her, surprised by Gentry’s tone. It almost seemed serious but why she didn’t understand. She was only telling her where she was going. It’s not like she was giving her private information. “That’s so cool. I mean like seriously freaking cool.”

Gentry smiled. “I think so.” She stared out the window and took a couple more bites of her food. She looked back at Sam who was looking around the place as she ate. Gentry felt another roll over her stomach. “You’re the first and only person to know that.”

Sam snapped her head toward Gentry. “Really?”

“Yes.” Gentry tucked her hair behind her ear.

Sam caught the meaning behind the seriousness in her voice. She rested her fork on her plate. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“You’re welcome.”

Sam sat back and let the words sink in. No one. No one knew where Gentry was going. No one knew if she would get there safely. Anything could happen to her on the road and no one would know. She at least had told Violet. She had comfort knowing that Violet would be looking for her if she didn’t call her tomorrow. But with Gentry, no one would know where to look. Those are the stories you hear about. She would be the Jane Doe. That thought made her incredibly sad.

“Why a park ranger?” Sam wanted anything other than that lingering thought in her head.

“I’ve wanted to work in a national park for as long as I can remember.” Gentry turned her head from gazing at Big Blue, or so she called her bus, to look at Sam. “I went to college for Earth and Natural Sciences and took several courses in Park and Recreation Management. I probably could’ve minored in it but didn’t. The degree or degrees wasn’t really my goal but more the learning of it. I’ve been preparing for this day for a long time. A decade or two. That bus out there took me too long to finish but she’s paid for. I owe nothing and no one. This job was the final piece of the puzzle to put me on my way.” She took a bite of her green beans as she watched Sam silently eating and listening intently to her. The expression in her eyes showed the honest interest in everything she was sharing with her. It added to Gentry’s comfort around her…with her. “There was a time when I really didn’t think I would be here. Nothing about the bus was going right.” She snickered. “I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.” She thought about her banged-up and bruised fingers when she was fumbling her way through the renovations. “I’m shocked as hell, I didn’t break a bone or lose a finger when I first started. Power tools are no joke, let me tell ya.”

“I can imagine.”

“But, as I’ve learned, we are where we are because we’re supposed to be there. That was no truer than when Lou found me out there one day cussing to high heaven because I had bitten off more than I could chew. He took me under his wing. Together, we got Big Blue up and running. I was meant to be at the Pelican Motel at the very time I was there.”

Sam stirred her fork around her potatoes. “Do you really believe that?”

“I have to.”

“I need that.”

“Need what?”

“Belief.” Sam sighed and looked out the window again. She had continually been drawn to the two large boulders that lay in the green grass out by the picnic tables. “Belief in something. Anything really at this point in my life. I have no idea what or where I’m supposed to go from here.”

“Open your eyes.” Gentry’s tone was matter-of-fact.

“You make it sound easy.”

“It is. Open your eyes to it and you’ll see it.”

Sam looked back at Gentry. “You’re like this total bad ass in a tiny package. I’ve done things that rock a subtle badass exterior but nothing insane like what you’re doing.” Sam paused. “I don’t mean insane as a bad thing.”

“Ummmm. Okay.”

“It’s a compliment. Trust me. I mean you’re like…” Sam ran her hand through her hair and glanced around the room as she tried to find the right words she wanted to convey. “Idgie,” she said loudly as it came to her. She quieted her voice. “You’re this tiny little woman with this huge zest for life. You’re going to do it your way. By your own hands. With or without anyone. Yet, there’s also this tender side that cares for the people around you. That wants to take care of them. Look at me. Here I am some total stranger who you knew would enjoy this place so here I am invading in on your time.” Sam shook her head. “I’m impressed with the person you are. And I’m entirely envious of your bravery in taking life by the horns. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Thank you,” Gentry said quietly. She watched as the thin branches from the tree blew lightly to scrape over the roof of the shack beneath it. She heard the words Sam said and the sentiment behind them. Sure she fashioned herself to be like Idgie, yet she couldn’t deny that a large part in her felt more like Ol’ Smokey Lonesome, the lonely drifter who slept in the shack out back of the Whistle Stop Café.

“Fresh from the oven. Hope you saved room.” The waitress placed two plates filled with peach cobbler on the table.

“You know we did,” Gentry said. She waited for the waitress to move on to her next table.

Silently, the women ate their cobbler with their attention kept outside—Sam’s upon her boulders basking in spring’s sun and Gentry’s on the log shack with a rusted tin roof. The corner of the wooden-plaque sign that displayed “Home of Ol’ Smokey Lonesome” lifted off the side of the building when the wind blew the strongest across it.

“Have you not? Have you not ever been brave in something?” Gentry asked as she designed a perfect bite of both peaches and crust.

“I have, but it’s different.”

“How so?”

“It’s not like I took off across the country to start a new life or built a home out of a retired bus. All I did was stand up to my father when it came time to choose my career. That’s it. Then I became a weak blubbering mess when something I hoped for didn’t work out.”

“Tell me more about your dad’s thing.”

“He wanted me to be in cardiothoracic surgery like he is. Join the family practice, if you will. I never wanted to practice cardiac medicine. And I especially never wanted to work with him. To be with him every single day would’ve been utter hell. At UAB, I was in a specialized OB/Gyn fellowship. That’s what I wanted to do—women’s health. More specifically complicated pregnancy and reproductive medicine. I fought him every step of the way to stay in the program.”

“See. You made your own choice and fought for it.”

“True. But here I am, sitting in a diner with absolutely no idea where I want to go the minute I walk out the door. If I was as strong as you, I wouldn’t be here. I would be back at UAB practicing the medicine I fought to practice, no matter what had happened to me. But one thing goes wrong and bam, I break.”

“What went wrong?”

Rayne’s face flashed in Sam’s thoughts. “I fell in love. For the first time in my life,” she said quietly as she cut into the remaining pie with her fork. The vision of Rayne grew stronger to bring her voice and laughter to Sam as if she was sitting right next to her. “She was amazing.” She inhaled and shook her head. “But she broke my heart. She destroyed me.” She played with the pie until she had it piled onto her fork. “I couldn’t stay anywhere that reminded me of her. Seeing places that we had been or things we had done, broke me a little more.” Eventually, she released the fork to leave the perfectly designed bite resting on the plate. “Besides, how could I work there? All I thought about was her or how bad it hurt to lose. It’s all I focused on. How in the hell could I practice like that? My patients deserved better than me. They didn’t need some broken doctor who might fuck up life and death choices because she kept running to the bathroom to cry.” Sam huffed. “So, I ran away. It hurt too much to stay. Now, I don’t even know what I want to do anymore. A woman did to me what my asshole father had tried to do so many times before. She broke me.”

Gentry studied Sam. Sam had laid it all out on the table and it had left her speechless. Broken. She actually described herself as broken. Gentry knew exactly how that felt.

The silence began to make Sam uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. I said too much.”

“Too much?”

“Yeah. I was too blunt. I’m sorry.”

“You’re apologizing to me for being hurt to the point of feeling broken? Why on earth would you apologize for that?”

“Not really for that. For the lesbian part.”

“You’re sorry you’re a lesbian?”

Sam balled her napkin up and tossed it onto her plate. “No. For blurting out I was,” she said with frustration.

“Sam, I could care less about you being a lesbian. Who you fall in love with is who you fall in love with. It doesn’t matter what sex they are. You’ll get no judgment from me about anything at all.” She leaned down to make eye contact with Sam who was staring in her lap. “Ever. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’m just sorry you were hurt so badly.”

Sam looked up. A fresh tear trailed down her face to her jaw before she roughly wiped it with the back of her hand. “Yeah, me too.”

“You know, I already knew that about you. That you’ve been hurt. Are hurting. It’s written on you like it’s been tattooed to your skin. A permanent stain you can’t wash, wipe, or cry away. I’m sorry for your pain. But can I tell you something?” Gentry ran her fingers across her bottom lip.

Sam looked up. “Sure.”

“It takes a special soul to carry the hurt like you do. I know now that it’s why you’re here. Here with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s why you’re the one and only to know where I’m headed. Why you’re sitting here with me. Sam, not everyone can feel the depth of pain like you are. It tells me things about you that you can’t possibly describe in words. It shows me your soul.”

Sam looked up at the light and wiped forcefully at the tears flowing down her cheeks. “It tells you I’m weak.”

“Is that what you think of me? I’m weak?”

“Of course not.”

“How do you think I see it so easily in you? I’ve worn this pain. Not for the same reasons but the depth to your pain. The brokenness you feel? I’ve carried it all with me. Tattoos buried below my skin.”

Sam eyed the big bus and thought of the woman who built it as anything but weak.

After finishing lunch, they decided to walk outside to see more closely the objects that had captivated them during lunch. Sam brushed her hand across the top of the boulder to feel the warmth the sun had left. She wiped the dirt from its crevices and sat down. The sun felt warm on her face. Not hot, just warm. She closed her eyes and listened to the branches scratching over a tin roof. Gentry ducked her head to peep inside the shack. An opening in the logs from some kind of crack or defect let light shine into the center of the dirt floor. Otherwise, it was dark…cold. She ran her hand over the engraved lettering of the plaque. Her finger traced along the word “Lonesome.” She turned back to see Sam sitting in the sun. In the sunlight her hair looked blonder. She could make out the highlights in it more clearly. Her head was lifted up into the sky as she sat still on the rock. She seemed content to sit there. No movement needed. The stillness seemed to be her companion. Gentry walked to the rock barbecue pit, yet another memorable prop from the movie.

“Come with me,” Gentry said as she sat on its edge.

“I’m sorry?” Sam looked over her shoulder to where Gentry’s voice came from. She stood from the boulder and walked over to her. The feeling from the dirt was held upon those rocks as well when she ran her hand across them and sat down next to Gentry. “What did you say?”

“I said come with me. For as far and as long as you need or want. Driving around aimlessly or staying in motels along the highway may not give you the answers you need, but maybe a road trip with a new friend will. You can come all the way to Maine or pull off of the road at any point you want. When you’ve found your answers, you’ll know it’s time to go your own way. But while you feel this unknowing, why not come with me?” Gentry shrugged her shoulders. “I have room in the bus. No strings attached.”

Sam felt a scream within her of a resounding yes. Except, wasn’t it totally insane to consider such an offer? She was a professional, educated woman…how in hell does an offer like that sound plausible in any way? But…it did. In fact, it sounded like the first ray of light in her otherwise gray world. It sounded like sunlight warming the top of a boulder as it lay in the grass. That’s what it sounded like. “Why? Why would you offer such a thing to me?” she ended up asking.

“I told you. I’ve worn pain like this before. It chokes the breath from your lungs. If it hadn’t been for a woman selflessly helping me to process it, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Now it’s my turn to do the same for you, if you want it.” She strained her neck to see the light from the defect in the wall shining onto the dirt floor. “Besides, you’re a light. A ray of sunlight.”

“I feel nothing like that.”

“You don’t, but you are. Trust me.”

Sam rubbed the dirt from the rocks between her fingers. She didn’t see any of what Gentry seemed to see in her. Although, she wished she did.

“Look. I don’t mean to freak you out. It’s just an option for you. Nothing more,” Gentry said with a hint of regret in her voice. Her goal hadn’t been to make Sam feel worse than she already did. She honestly thought it would be a good solution for where Sam was. She was going with her feelings without thinking them fully through. She didn’t regret the offer but did regret the uncomfortableness it was causing Sam. “It felt right to ask you to come along. That’s all. I learned a long time ago to let life guide me instead of trying to control what happens to me. You had absolutely no control over what happened with this woman. But you do have control over your next step. It’s in your power to decide where you go from here. I was merely giving you an option.” She watched the expressions on Sam’s face as she stared across the lawn. She started to reach for her arm but withdrew her hand to place it back in her lap. “Do you believe in universal guidance or God or anything along those lines?”

Sam was surprised with Gentry’s question and looked back at her. “I guess I do.”

“Do you believe we are led to the paths meant for us? That there is some force showing us the signs toward the path we need to take?”

“I used to.”

“Bad things happen sometimes. Bad things we can’t explain. I have to believe there’s a reason we have to go through those things or well,” Gentry paused and looked back at the shack, “why even keep on going if there isn’t? For me, I believe the bad stuff is a way of opening us up to truly appreciate the good when it comes. If we follow the signs, we’ll find that good. Trust me. I’m just as shocked as you that we’re here.” She motioned between them. “Look at us. What pieces of the puzzle added up to put us here? It has to mean something. I didn’t picture anyone on the road with me before this very moment. Now, it seems unnatural for you not to be going with me. Open your eyes to them. That’s all I’m saying. Just open your eyes.”

“Them?”

“The signs. I’m following them. Are you?”

“I would be absolutely no help to you. You know that, right? I’m a city girl. I know how to function in a hotel room. That’s it. I have no idea how to do what you do.”

“From here, I’m only looking at stopping three more nights. Unless of course, I see something I want to do. If it makes you more comfortable, you can always grab a hotel room close to where I’ll be.” Gentry pinched her bottom lip between her thumb and index finger as she thought about hotel options for Sam. “There were signs for hotels not too far from where we are now. We can stop here for the night to give you time to think about it. I don’t mind. But if you’re worried about being helpful, I’ll let you do the dishes. I hate washing dishes.” Gentry smiled and hoped the joke would lighten the tension.

Sam had seen Gentry’s eyes. Without putting a description to it, she had noticed the pain there. She had even noticed the change in the lightness to her eyes when they came up to the Whistle Stop. Yet there was still a darkness to them. Still pain inside of them. You can’t hide your eyes. Rayne had taught her that. Rayne. Sam took in a deep breath. To be truthful, where was she going to go the minute she left The Whistle Stop? Rayne had changed her. It had all changed her. No longer did she find herself wanting the fast-paced life of a demanding career in a big city filled with entertainment and perpetual dating. Over the last months, she had tried desperately to pinpoint how Rayne got in so deeply. What it was about her that changed everything. She had fallen in love with everything about Rayne. The simplicity of what loving her meant. The completeness she had found when she was at the small cabin on the bayou. She had seen happiness in Rayne’s eyes there. She had felt it too. When it all came to an end, Sam knew her longing was as much for Rayne as it was the feeling she got in the effortlessness of life while with her. Maybe feeling that again would ease her pain or at least start her healing. Drinking herself into oblivion alone in a hotel room sure as hell wasn’t doing the trick.

Chapter 8

“Gentry?” Sam knocked again on the doors of the bus. She stood on her tiptoes to look into the well-lit windows. She saw no motion in the living space. She looked around the dimly lit campground. “Are you here? I’ve got Chinese food,” she said with a quietness in her voice. The sounds of shuffled dirt and cracked twigs was too much for her city girl nerves.

Gentry’s head popped from around the back of the bus. “Great! I’m starving.”

“Shit!” Sam screamed. If not for the bag resting on her wrist, she surely would have thrown dinner all over the ground.

Gentry made no attempts to suppress her laugh. “What the hell?”

“You scared the shit out of me.”

“I see that.” She finished her laughing as Sam bent over with her hands upon her knees.

Sam hadn’t noticed the small tent lying at the edge of the woods when she originally walked up. Or if she had, she assumed it was another camper. Not Gentry. “What on earth are you doing?”

“I’m getting my camp ready for the night.”

“You’re sleeping out here?”

“Yep,” Gentry said over her shoulder as she ducked into the tent.

“But why? You’ve got like this mountain cabin beach thing on wheels going on. Why in the hell would you sleep outside in a tent?”

Gentry walked over to Sam and looked up into the sky. “Look up, city girl. Take a breath in and smell that air.” She inhaled deeply. “The better question is, why the hell would I not?”

Sam followed Gentry and took in a deep breath herself. The smell of clean air devoid of industry’s exhaust and contamination filled her nose. Along with it came the smell of fresh pine. “I love the smell of pine.” She breathed in deeply again, seeking only its smell.

“Me too. I could live out here.” Gentry picked up three pieces of wood, carried them closer to the fire ring, and dropped next to it.

“It looks like you are for the night anyway.”

“Truth.”

Sam looked around at the forest in the darkening sky as it went from dusk to night. Soon the trees would blend in together to form a varied line of black against the night sky. She marveled at the different types of pine trees that she saw here at the campground just as she had on their hike in the Green Mountains of New Hampshire. “These aren’t like the pine trees back home.” She walked over to run her fingers along one of the short pine needles. “Some look like them. They’re tall with thick trunks and long needles but there are also some with smaller trunks and short needles in bunches. They remind me of Christmas trees.”

Gentry looked up from the firewood toward Sam. Inwardly, she smiled at the child-like stance she carried. She was standing in front of a smaller pine tree, gazing at it like a child would it’s favorite Christmas tree of the lot. “Do you like Christmas?”

“I love it.” Sam turned to Gentry. “Or well, I used to. The last couple haven’t been that great. Let’s just say Santa didn’t bring me what I asked for.” Sam walked over and stood next to the soon-to-be fire. “Time before last, I wanted to spend it with Rayne so bad that I didn’t enjoy being at home with my mom. Last Christmas was pure hell.” Sam kicked her foot against the stone ring. “Grant had proposed to her at a dinner right before. I didn’t even realize I missed the holiday until I noticed my boxes of decorations hadn’t been touched.”

“Wait a minute.” Gentry held the unlit match in her hand. “Did you say Rayne?”

“Yeah. Rayne Amber Storm. That was her name.”

Gentry sat back on her heels. She looked up at the sky. “Rayne? Seriously? As if I’m not already listening.” She shook her head and lit the match.

“I know. It’s a funny name, isn’t it? I think her name was the first thing that attracted me to her. It was full of character…just like her.”

“It is a name, alright.” Gentry fanned the fire until the flame caught the kindling underneath. “We should have a fire any minute now. The weather was glorious today. If the night is anything like it, I may just sleep right here.” She patted the dirt next to her. “I may drag my sleeping bag out here and sleep under the stars. Granted if it doesn’t get as cold as predicted, but it’s the mountains so who knows.”

Sam’s legs had begun to feel tight and sore after their hike. They had arrived in New Hampshire earlier than scheduled so they decided to hike Arethusa Falls, as it was only a short drive from their campsite in Crawford Notch State Park. Sam thought of their five-mile hike. She pictured Gentry scaling up the at least fifty percent grade climb as if it was nothing more than a Sunday stroll in the park. Not a day had passed since meeting her that Gentry hadn’t surprised her. She would say she reminded her of how she felt with Rayne. Yet even though the feelings of intrigue were there, the women themselves were very different. Rayne was strong in her own way, but Gentry gave new meaning to the description. She had a strength that seemed to be unwavering against any threat—emotional, physical, or personal. It didn’t seem to matter.

“It was a glorious day,” she said. She smiled, thinking of Gentry’s backpack clanging about as they hiked. “You were like this little tiny spider monkey climbing up those inclines.” It had been a wonderful day. One that Sam wasn’t ready to end.

Gentry took a small twig from the ground and threw it at Sam. “Spider monkey, huh?”

Sam dodged the stick and laughed. “Oh yeah. Total spider monkey.”

“There’s that laugh again. You should keep it around.”

“I think I might.” Sam felt shy with the eye contact so she looked away from Gentry. She rubbed her thighs. “I’m starting to feel sore.”

“Come sit down then. I have two chairs right there.” She motioned for Sam to sit.

“Aren’t you sore?”

Gentry shook her head. “Nah. I’m a spider monkey, remember? We don’t get sore.”

Sam laughed. She watched the single flames dance toward one another as they tried to catch into a full fire.

Gentry looked in her peripheral vision to eye Sam’s long legs. Sam wasn’t one she would describe as being out of shape. In fact, Gentry had noticed her body when she first came into the diner. It was tone with just the right amount of muscle definition evident with the bend or straighten of her arm. However, being toned did not necessarily mean she was able to scale up rocky inclines. On more than one occasion, Gentry had to lend a hand to help pull Sam up. She had even seen Sam’s footing slip more than once. “I don’t know about a spider monkey.” She followed her legs up until she reached her torso. “You were more of a cute and clumsy type climber.”

“Cute and clumsy? Seriously?” Sam chuckled.

Gentry continued her gaze up Sam’s body. “Actually…yes.” Briefly, she made eye contact but then turned to stoke the fire. She found Sam to be cute as a whole which unnerved her. She needed to reinforce her resolve where Sam was concerned. She would hurt Sam and that thought scared her. Most of the time when Gentry met someone new, she would study them to figure out how, when, and why they would hurt her. That’s just what people do. They hurt. With Sam’s demeanor and what she read about her personality, it would be Gentry who did the hurting. She knew it to be fact. She rolled her shoulders, determined to find her resolve where Sam was concerned.

“You don’t have to stay in the tent just because I’m staying with you tonight.” Sam maneuvered between the two chairs by the fire ring to place the bag of Chinese food down between them. “I would offer to be the one to stay in the tent.” She looked around the woods. “But, yeah ummm, I’m really not that kind of woman.”

Gentry stood from the fire and brushed her hands clean on the back of her jeans. The smoke circled her until she brushed it from her face. She reached over to pluck the chopstick packs from Sam’s hand. “Stick with me, kid, and you’ll become one. Next time, you’ll be the one setting up the tent.”

Sam laughed. “That would be a whole lotta sticking. Seriously, I can drive in to Lincoln. I’m sure there’s a room I could get tonight. You don’t have to sleep outside.”

“Hush, woman. I told you. I want to. I would be sleeping out here even if you weren’t with me. Anyway, you’re feeding me. That should at least buy you a room at the inn for the night. So, enough jabbing and let’s eat. I’m starving. What did you bring us?”

“First and foremost,” Sam said as she pulled out a six-pack of beer. “A craft thirst quencher.”

“I’ll stick with water but thanks.” Gentry pulled her chopsticks apart. “Maybe I’ll take a sip of yours to try it.”

Sam sat down in the chair and popped open a can of beer.

“Hey, Sam, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do you drink every night?”

Sam looked down at her lap. She turned the can in her hand and thought about what Gentry was asking. “I don’t think I drink every night,” she said softly.

“You have since I’ve met you.” Gentry’s tone was the same.

“Is it a problem for you that I drink because you don’t drink?” Sam hurriedly began to pull out to-go containers of Chinese food. “I’ve learned that about you.”

Gentry sat down next to her. “Try again.”

“What? You do? But every time I bring some, you don’t want it.”

Gentry wiped her hands again across the top of her jeans when Sam handed her a container of mixed vegetables. “Which doesn’t mean I don’t drink alcohol. Period.” She hesitated to take the conversation further with the way Sam seemed to be responding but she liked her. She wanted to know more. She ducked her head toward Sam. “I drink on occasion for the taste but not for the need.”

Sam took a swallow of beer and thought about her statement. She shrugged. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe it is a need.” Maybe it was. For now, this was one need she was going to allow herself to have.

Gentry didn’t mean at all to bring sadness back in Sam’s voice. She regretted her statement. “Sam, look at me.”

Sam’s head was drawn downward as she continued to study the can of beer.

“Please.”

Sam bit the side of her bottom lip as she brought her head up to look at Gentry. She felt embarrassed. She felt the brokenness.

“I’m sorry, okay? I wish I hadn’t said that. You’re healing. Do what you need to heal. It was stupid of me to say anything. I promised you I wouldn’t judge you, yet here I said something that sounded a heck of a lot like judgment. I’m asking for forgiveness. I feel awkward in all of this.” She motioned between them. “I’ve not wanted to get to know someone in a very, very long time.”

Sam’s phone vibrated in her back pocket. She pulled it out to see the caller’s name flashing on the screen. She ran her thumb over the top of Rayne’s name. She didn’t answer. She held her phone tightly as she watched the smoke from the fire rise into the sky which had transformed completely into night. A few stars twinkled. Somewhere, Rayne was under the same sky thinking of her. Thinking so much of her she tried again to call her. Sam hadn’t answered any of her calls. She hadn’t even listened to the voicemails she used to leave. Why would she? What could possibly be said? As far as Sam was concerned, they now officially lived in two separate worlds. Sam was literally a thousand miles away. She looked at Gentry who was watching her intently. “It’s okay. It’s not you. You’ve done nothing to make me feel badly,” she said flatly.

“Was that her?”

Sam inhaled and exhaled deeply. “Yeah.”

“You didn’t want to answer?”

“No.”

“May I ask why?”

Sam tucked her phone back into her pocket. “What could be said at this point? She’s getting married. Period. There’s nothing else to say. It’s not like we can be friends or anything stupid like that.”

“How do you know if you don’t give her the chance?”

“Because I know.” Sam rubbed her eyes, determined like hell not to start crying. “I don’t want to hurt anymore, Gentry. She broke my heart. Destroyed everything I knew about myself. She’s not capable of being anything more than she is.”

Gentry opened her box and mixed its contents with her chopsticks. “I don’t think we know what someone else is or is not capable of. Sometimes even we don’t know what we are capable of. You never have those answers until you’re forced with the questions.”

Sam sighed. “Maybe. But right now, I need to heal. I can’t do that if I’m wondering what her answers are.”

“I get that.”

“Can we just eat?”

“Okay.” Gentry relented to the quiet of the crackling fire. She picked a bamboo shoot from the box and silently chewed. She hated to see Sam’s face drop in the way that it did with the call. One minute there’s a glow starting to spread in her eyes, the next minute, they’re as dark as the sky.

The nightlife of the forest began to strengthen and grow louder. Sam stabbed her chopsticks into the container and set it beside her chair. She lifted the beer to drink it empty. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “I didn’t think I would hear them here. I’m a thousand miles away but I still hear them. Before her, I never noticed them, but now it’s all I hear.”

“Hear what?”

“Listen.” Sam tilted her head in the air. “There. Hear it?”

“What, the cicadas?”

“That’s them. They were so loud the first night we kissed.” Sam opened another beer and chugged at least half of it. Drinking for affect. Check. “We were sitting on the dock with our feet dangling off into the cool water. She loved being out there on the bayou. It was like she was this different person when she was there. She was at peace. As if I hadn’t already fallen in love with her. As if I needed another reason to fall so deeply in love with her. When we kissed, it was like I was in this fog of nothing but her…and the sound of those damn cicadas. Now, every time I hear them,” Sam reached up to touch her lips, “I swear I still feel her here.”

“Was she your first love?”

“Yes, one and only,” Sam whispered. She wiped a tear from her eye. Epic fail on the no crying. “Have you ever been in love?”

“No.”

She wiped the tear onto the top of her jeans. “I didn’t expect you to answer.”

Gentry grabbed another bite in between her chopsticks. “I’m weak from hunger.” She watched as Sam stared into the flames of the fire. The tears on Sam’s cheek glistened in the light of it.

Sam pulled the collar of her T-shirt up to wipe her face. “Sometimes I wish I could answer the same. I never saw me falling in love until it was too late.”

“Have you changed from the experience?”

“Have I changed?” Sam leaned back in her chair to think about Gentry’s question. “So much so that I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror.” She brushed her bangs from her eyes and grunted. “Like this. I’ve not had a good haircut in I don’t know how long.”

Gentry laughed. “Nice deflection. Here I thought I was the queen in that department.”

Sam tipped her beer to her. “Takes one to know one.”

“What were you like before her?”

“Someone who probably wouldn’t have been sitting out here with you. The only time I was ever out in the woods after dark was for parking. But to sit out here in front of a fire? No, I wouldn’t have done that. I liked city life too much for that. The bigger the better. Restaurants. Nightclubs. Events. You name it. I was there.”

“And other girlfriends?”

“Didn’t have them. Not one I would’ve called my girlfriend. I dated around a lot. Some I enjoyed enough to see on a more regular basis but not monogamously.”

“Until her?”

“Until her.” Sam took a long drink of her beer.

“Tell me about her. What was it about her that made you want to change?” Gentry stood up to poke the fire.

Sam watched as the freshly stirred embers rose into the air. “She would’ve loved a night like this. Listening to the creatures, sitting by a fire, talking. She would’ve been more comfortable here than a fancy restaurant or event. She lived in Birmingham only for school but was going back to Louisiana the minute she graduated. She didn’t want any part of city life. Her career goals were nothing like mine. She wanted to go back home and start a practice to care for the town. I was on the fast track to a career in obstetrics that would’ve found me speaking at conferences around the globe. I never wanted the simple life. So, maybe she was unlike everything about me. A complete polar opposite. Honestly, I really don’t know.”

“Did she have other girlfriends?”

“Nope. She had a boyfriend. Thus the marriage.”

“Ah.” Gentry sat back down in the chair and picked up her nearly empty food container to finish what was left. She noticed the untouched box at Sam’s feet. “So, she had a boyfriend when you two met. Yep, y’all were very different.”

“You can say that again.”

“Has she changed from it?”

“Yes. She got engaged.” Sam felt the venom in her voice.

Gentry heard it too. “Sam, see the experience for what it was. An experience. Some are life-changing like it appears your time with her was. So ask yourself why. Why did it happen? Why did she come into my life? What was I supposed to see with knowing her? Some people come into our lives for a brief period of time in order to show us something and then they leave. It’s okay to let them go because they served their purpose.”

“Some?”

“Well, yes, some are meant to stay. Your job now is to find the reason why she was sent to you.”

“How exactly do I do that?”

“You follow the signs.” Gentry stood up again, leaned down to pick up Sam’s remaining six-pack, and extended a hand to Sam. “Which now say it’s time for a tour.”

“I am still utterly amazed you did all of this,” Sam said as they walked into the bus. “It looks big on the inside and with so much room.”

Gentry leaned against the kitchen counter that was to the right as you walked in. The lower part of the bus was a wainscoting made of distressed, painted wood. Its color matched the sea blue outside of the bus. The rest was painted white, which gave it a more open, expansive feeling. “Thank you,” she said as she ran her hand over the top of the butcher block countertop. “It’s a thirty-one foot, 1989 Chevy. It’s been the answer to my life’s dream. To have freedom to go anywhere I wanted. To have the sustainability to literally live anywhere. Piece by piece, I put her together.” She pointed to the white refrigerator across from her. “Help yourself to anything in there.”

“What is that for?” Sam pointed to the oval tank at the end of the kitchen space. It was stainless steel like the dual kitchen sink.

Gentry laughed. “It’s my bathtub. Cool, huh? I used a one-hundred-gallon stock tank I got from a feed and seed store. I painted the inside with a white bathtub paint.” Gentry walked to it and lifted a metal mesh basket hanging over the side. It was filled with shampoo, conditioner, bubble bath, soap, and a loofa. “Hooked up at a campsite like we are now, I can fill her up as much as I want. But if I’m dry camping, I have to conserve water because my fresh water tank only holds sixty gallons, which is all the water I have until I hook up somewhere and refill the tanks.”

“Dry camping?”

“Yes. I can stay anywhere and am not dependent to be plugged in at a campsite where I have running water, electricity, and a place to dump my tanks.”

“So, you don’t have to have all of that?”

Gentry reached up and pushed the button to turn the light on above the tub. It was shaped like a lantern and matched the theme of her outdoor living nicely. “Nope, I don’t. I got a steal of a deal on a Cummings Onan 8000 generator. When I’m hooked up like this, I run everything off of the electric I have plugged into the bus. But if I’m not at a campsite, that generator will run everything I need as if I were plugged in. I really only use lights at night. With all of the windows, there’s plenty of sunlight streaming in most days.”

“This wood grain is really pretty.” Sam felt the smoothness of the wood.

“Thanks. Stained it myself. It functions as a table big enough for two or even a food prep area.”

“I like the stools you have underneath it. Very eclectic.”

Gentry’s eyes widened. “Got those at a junk sale. Totally stoked to have found them. All they needed was a little bit of dusting off. Didn’t have to do anything else to them.” She pointed to the stovetop. “I didn’t want the weight or wire it to pull the juice for an oven so I don’t have one of those. Most everything I like to eat can be made on this or in the convection oven.”

Sam walked across the pecan wood flooring to sit on the sofa. “This is soft,” she said in surprise. When she had seen the sofa cushions nestled on top of what looked like a wooden base, she figured it would be hard and uncomfortable. Yet this was as soft as any expensive sofa she had purchased in the past. “Why the cut out?” Under both cushions was a cut out with material that matched the curtains hanging from it.

“That’s storage. Everything you see was added. With a bus, you can’t have any slides or additional space so I had to build storage into every nook and cranny I could find. The bed back there is the same. I built it raised up on wooden support like the couch. I’ve got a ton of storage underneath it.”

Across from the sofa was a wood-burning stove with the vent extending to and out of the ceiling. It sat on a raised shelf made of stone at its base and fire brick along the side and back. Next to it was a fire box made of metal pipes and filled to the top with tiny wooden logs. Underneath it were black oven mitts, a handheld broom, and two axes of different sizes.

“Lou welded that for me,” Gentry said. “One night after my shift, I found it outside my motel room with a big red bow on it. He was so proud of his handy work.”

“He should be.” Sam picked up one of the axes to feel the weight of it. She set it back down. “So, you’re all done with it? With the renovations?”

“Pretty much. One day I want to paint the ceiling to look like a starry night.” Gentry smiled broadly and shrugged her shoulders. “One day.”

A breeze rustled Gentry’s hair over her face. As she brushed it back, she noticed the sight of Sam’s nude form through the curtains that had been blown somewhat open. Gentry knew she should look away. She wanted to look away. She wanted to, but didn’t. She watched the curves of Sam’s back as she readied her bath—the lines of her back as it narrowed into her waist and then along the outline of her hips. She felt the blush rise to her cheeks when Sam turned to the side to expose the shape of her breast. The youth of her skin, the tone within her body held it firmly against her chest. Briefly, a vision of Sam nestled against her body with her arms wrapped around her cupping each breast popped into her head. Gentry had felt an attraction to Sam before. Albeit, not as physically as the one she was feeling now. She closed her eyes, leaned her head back on her shoulders, and let the vision play out in her mind. When she looked back, Sam was sitting in the bath. Her shoulders rose and fell in a way that made Gentry wonder if she was crying. When she wiped at her eyes, she knew she was. Gentry picked her guitar up and placed it in her lap. She began to strum the chords as she thought of a song to play, Sam’s neck craned to the side. Gentry played louder.

Sam turned her head toward the sound of Gentry’s guitar. She noticed the opening in the curtain and realized she may have been exposed; so, she dipped her body lower into the tub to hide her nudity. She saw movement next to the fire and squinted until she could make out Gentry’s shape. She was sitting in the chair with her guitar across her body, staring right at Sam.

“You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea. Sail away, drift off the hours. You belong somewhere you feel free.”

Gentry thought of the woman who first walked into the diner. She thought of the connection she felt with her as she had watched her struggle with the pain she felt. She thought of the woman she was getting to know and the smile that was beginning to be more present on her face. She watched her as she sang to her. Even with the barrier between them, she felt as if she were singing to Sam. She couldn’t imagine what she was feeling to be any stronger of a connection than if Sam’s head had been lying in her lap.

“I have seen no other who compares with you. You belong among the wildflowers. You belong with your love on your arm. Run away, find you a lover. Run away, let your heart be your guide.”

Sam leaned back to rest her head on the tub. She bent her knees to raise them up out of the water. The steam lifted up off of her skin. She could see Gentry more fully each time the wind blew the curtain. Gentry’s song covered her and lifted off of her just as she had noted the steam doing. She kept her eyes fixated on Gentry. She imagined herself lying at Gentry’s feet as she played. The cicadas’ song all but drowned out by the serenity of Gentry’s voice.

“You deserve the deepest of cover. You belong in that home by and by. You belong among the wildflowers. You belong somewhere close to me. Far away from your trouble and worry. You belong somewhere you feel free.”

Gentry’s last chords were a decrescendo into silence. Sam raised her hand over the tank and gave a small wave to her as the song finished. Gentry felt a catch in her breath with the intensity of the shared experience. She raised her hand in a like manner and waved shyly.

Gentry crawled into her tent to give Sam privacy to finish her bath. Her brain buzzed with thoughts of Sam’s nude form. Sexuality wasn’t a thing for her. She didn’t see it as a big deal. Who people loved or lusted after was their business and no one else’s. She had never found herself admiring the features of a woman like she did Sam’s. But she gave it no mind as it was most likely stemming from the pregnancy hormones. Yet a part of her knew they were not the cause of the tightness in her chest or the swirl of butterflies she had just felt playing for Sam. Frustrated, she pulled her shirt forcefully over her head and unlatched her bra. Her finger swept over the cigarette burn on the side of her left breast. Now you’re mine forever. She violently shook the slurred voice from her head. After her—after what she did to her—how could she ever have sexual feelings such as these for a woman? She ran her fingers over the tattoo imprinted along her ribs.

“Follow the signs,” she whispered over her shoulder toward the bus. “Trust in the signs.”

Chapter 9

“Aren’t you a cute little model right outta LL Bean,” Gentry said as Sam walked out of the sporting goods store.

“Why thank you. I figured I needed some hiking attire to keep up with you today. The tennis shoes were just not cutting it.”

“Ah, I see. It was the shoes that made you slip and fall all over the place yesterday.”

“Damn straight it was.”

“So glad to see you’re all set to keep up with me today.” Gentry winked. “I’m feeling extra energetic.”

“Oh hell. Extra energetic?”

“Yep.”

Sam set her overly stuffed shopping bag on the ground next to her and reached inside. “Hold that thought.” She pulled out a hat, put it on, and then extended two retractable walking sticks to hold next to her. “Now, I’m ready.”

Gentry laughed. “Well then, let’s hit it.” She caught a whiff of Sam’s hair as she stepped in front of her to put her bags in the trunk. There was a scent to it she hadn’t noticed before. It was a clean, minty smell that she couldn’t quite put her finger on as to the name of it. She had smelled it before. Where was that? she thought to herself.

“Is it locked?” Sam asked as she shut the trunk. “Sorry about that.” She walked back to the passenger door and unlocked it.

Eucalyptus. Gentry discretely smelled in her scent once more. It was eucalyptus. How many times had she run to the tree in the back of her father’s yard? How many times had she let the small, dark green leaves of the tree cover her face until all light was obscured? How many times had she let the branches cover her shoulders as if they held her safely in their branches? She would cloak herself in the tree until the scent of eucalyptus overpowered the lingering smells of a stale breath of alcohol and cigarettes. It was the only good memory of that horrid house.

“Hey, are you okay?” Sam asked from over the top of the hood of the car. There was an expression on Gentry’s face that she hadn’t seen before. Whatever the thought was that had brought the distant look to Gentry’s face, it was most definitely deep and painful. She hadn’t seen it on Gentry before now. She fought the urge to sprint around the car and hold her. “Gentry, are you okay?” She stretched her arm across the top of the car.

“I’m fine,” she said softly. “Let’s get going.” Gentry ran her hand along the roof of the car as she opened the door. She was beginning to feel overwhelmed with the cloud of signs surrounding everything about Sam.

“Where to?” Sam said with her hands on the ignition key.

“Ripley Falls. Follow the signs,” Gentry said as much to Sam as she did herself.

“Help!” Sam screamed out.

Gentry turned back quickly to find Sam laid across the railroad ties as if her hands and feet were bound to the tracks. She was turning her head side to side in a fake struggle to get free.

“Help me. My brave woman. Please. I’m but a poor damsel in distress.”

“You’re one class A nut, I tell you.” Gentry laughed. “I’ll have you know one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re not fooling me. You just did that to get a rest.” Gentry tossed a thin twig from the ground toward Sam.

“You damn straight I did,” Sam said as she sprinted up to walk alongside Gentry.

“This reminds me of that movie Lean on Me. Did you see it? It’s an old one. There was this part in it where the boys walked along a railroad just like this one.”

“Oh yeah. I remember that movie. It was a Stephen King one, wasn’t it?”

“I think so.”

With her short bangs and hair pulled back into a twisted knot, Gentry’s expression was unobstructed for Sam to see. She watched her smile expand as her eyes darted back and forth to take in the scenery of the railroad tracks extending infinitely away from them. The passage in between the trees was barely wide enough for the tracks. They walked in the middle of them until they reached the beginning of the trailhead.

“Can you imagine how the wind must rip through here when a train comes?” Gentry raised her head to look up at the brush that grew closer to the tracks.

“Yes, let’s imagine how it does and get the hell off of these tracks. The sign back there said this was a working railroad.”

Sam felt a bead of sweat trickle down her lower back as she found her footing on the rock. She had marveled at the way Gentry scaled up the incline with seemingly little effort on her part. Gentry had described the Ripley Falls trail as an easy, light-paced trail of only about a mile. After this trip, Sam had decided she needed to spend more time in the gym because these trails were kicking her ass.

Gentry leaned over the side of the cliff and extended her hand. “How are those new duds working out for you? Need any help down there?”

“I want my money back,” Sam yelled back. Immediately upon looking up, her eyes were drawn to the V-neck of Gentry’s shirt which had fallen away from her chest as she leaned over. Her breasts were full over the top of her bra. She was caught off-guard with the sudden recognition of Gentry’s breasts. Surely, Sam must have noticed her chest size before. It was one of the body parts on a woman that she generally admired first. She was a breast woman, plain and simple. Or rather, she was back in the day. Yet here Gentry’s were at near eye level and apparently larger than Sam had thought them to be through her clothes. Something in Sam stirred. Violet’s voice rang in her ears, The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody. She laughed to herself with the thought. Maybe she wasn’t dead after all.

“Ahem,” Gentry cleared her throat. “Sometime today would be awesome.”

“Oh yeah, right,” Sam said as she climbed over the remaining group of rocks.

“Taa daa,” Gentry proclaimed with a broad smile.

“Oh wow. It’s beautiful, Gentry.” Sam grabbed Gentry’s arm to steady her balance. Her forearm was thinner than her own but muscular, even more so as she contracted it under Sam’s touch. “I heard the rushing water and thought the water running along the trail was beautiful but this? This is something else for sure.”

Gentry closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sky as a breeze cooled the sweat on her neck. “It is.” She found a spot next to the waterfall and sat down. “Come. Sit. I brought sustenance.” She pulled a bag of dried fruit and nuts from her pack.

“Have you really never been in love before?” Sam asked as she sat down beside her.

Gentry gave her a very surprised look. “Whoa. That’s a pretty deep question to spring out of the air.” Even over the sound of the waterfall, the crunch was loud when she bit down on a nut. “What brought that out?”

Sam briefly pictured the swell of Gentry’s breast over the lace of her bra. She shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing really. I was thinking about our conversation last night on the hike up here. I’m surprised is all. I mean, you’re the complete package. Beautiful. Smart. Independent. Talented. Funny. And you’re one hell of a spider monkey. What’s not to love?”

Gentry looked away from Sam and fiddled with the bag in her hand as if she was looking for a particular nut or fruit. She didn’t pull any out. “Thank you,” she said shyly. “Those are nice things to say. Maybe some of them are true but you asked if I had ever fallen in love. I’ve not. I’ve heard those words said to me before and I truly hope to never hear them again.”

“Why?”

Gentry looked directly into Sam’s eyes. “Because I’ll hurt the person who says them and that’s not what I want. I don’t want to hurt anyone or anyone hurt me. I just want to be left alone.”

“Yet, here I am.”

Gentry looked at her and dipped her head. “Yet, here you are. Trust me. I’ve still not figured that one out.”

“Let me know when you do?”

“Definitely.”

Sam skipped a pebble across the stream as it left the falls to flow down the mountain. The sparkles of the sun across the water were lost briefly in the ripple caused by the stone. “It doesn’t have to end in hurt, you know.”

“Says the girl who is with a woman she hardly knows because she is running away from a broken heart.”

Sam took the bag from Gentry and pulled out a dried blueberry. “Truth. You know what I mean. Not everyone who falls in love ends in a broken heart. I’ve got two best friends who are classic examples of a healthy mutual love. It can happen.”

“Sure, there are a few examples here and there where it all worked out. But you know damn good and well most don’t. Most end up in heartache, anger, and resentment. I’m sorry, but it’s true.”

“I guess maybe I’m not there yet.”

“So, you want to fall in love again?”

“Oh hell no. Well, not anytime soon.” Sam pressed her shirt against the small of her back to dry the cooling sweat that trailed down her back. “Yeah, so maybe one day. Way in the future, I would like to try it again. It felt pretty amazing when I was in it.”

“And do you think it’ll feel like this one did? Amazing? Or do you think you’ve already been so scarred and tarnished that somewhere deep within you, you’ll tell yourself to hold back. Even if it’s just a small piece that you do. With that, it’ll never feel amazing again.”

“Whoa. Well, that’s pretty depressing.” Sam stretched her legs out and sighed deeply. “I see your point. I suppose I was hoping that falling in love once would be the catalyst to let it happen again.” She shrugged her shoulders. “It’ll suck if you’re right. I’ll leave it at that.” She threw another rock across the water.

Gentry inwardly kicked herself. She knew she could be a real ass when it came to stuff like this. It is probably Exhibit A as to why she preferred to be left alone. She felt remorse as she watched the happiness on Sam’s face slip away. She grunted, which took Sam’s attention from the water back to her. “I mean, it’s not only that. When you fall in love with someone, you give them your life. You dedicate it to them. You put their happiness, their safety, their peace before yours. You think of them before yourself. Or at least that’s how I believe it should be. Rayne didn’t do that for you. Whatever choice, decision, or action that put you sitting next to me was in essence her not choosing your relationship first. Right?”

“I guess.”

Gentry watched as the falls roared over the rocky bottom. The smaller rocks sparkled like gems as the sun shined on them through the crystal clear water. “I won’t give that to someone else. I can’t. I fought my whole life to be where I am now. Once I gained control of my life and the things that happened to me, I swore I would never ever give the control back to someone else.”

“It’s not about control, Gentry. It’s about the other person. It’s about how you feel about the other person. How you want to do all the things you described for them. Not because you want to control them but because you think only of them.”

“In a perfect world, Sam, that’s how it is.” She reached for the bag that rested in Sam’s lap. “Trust me when I tell you, this world is anything but perfect.” She turned her head to the waterfall and felt another breeze blow over them. “I will never fall in love with anyone. I promise. It’s something in me that will never change.” She shifted her weight to face Sam directly. She kept her eyes locked with Sam. “Please believe what I’m telling you.”

“Okay. I believe you. You won’t ever fall in love with anyone.” Sam laid back on the rock and stared into the sky. The tops of the taller pines swayed gently within the light breeze. Although she didn’t agree completely with Gentry’s words, she did for a moment remember herself before Rayne. The woman who too felt she would never fall in love. Not for fear of giving control of her life away but rather the fear of having her life settle down. Look at what she was doing now—traveling with no agenda. Her life was open without the premise of love making any decisions for her. She felt her heart harden ever so slightly. For the first time, she knew she would get over Rayne. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but she would get over her.

Gentry stood up and brushed the dirt from her jeans. “Let’s get going. There’s one more hike I want us to do before we head back to camp.” She hoisted the pack onto her shoulders.

“Wait. What?” Sam gasped. “Another hike? You’ve got to be kidding me. You mean beyond the one back to the car?”

Gentry laughed and extended her hand to hoist Sam up. “You really are a nut.”

“A very sore, out of shape nut.”

Chapter 10

Sam extended her legs out in front of her. She breathed in deeply as she raised her arms over her head to stretch her upper body.

“Pardon me, Stretch.” Gentry stepped over Sam’s feet as she carried more logs to stack next to the wood heater inside the bus.

“Do you mind? I’m trying to work out these balls of cramps I call legs.” Sam rubbed the back of her calf.

“Why no not at all. The way you struggled up those rocks, I don’t doubt they are screaming at you. But if you don’t want to freeze your ass off tonight, I better bring in as much wood as I can. The weather predicts a more typical New Hampshire April evening. It’s going to be a cold one.” Gentry stacked the wood in the bin Lou had built. She ran her hand along the welded frame. “I’m surprised you didn’t bail out for a comfy little hotel room when we passed that B&B in Lincoln.”

“Nope. I’m sticking with you. If you can tough it out then, so can I.” Sam reached into the bag at her feet and pulled out a thick Flume Gorge sweatshirt she bought at the visitor’s center of their last hike.

“Is that a fact?”

“Fact, it is.” She pulled the sweatshirt over her head. “I worked hard for some of that wood,” she said as she ran her hands through her hair in a failed attempt to straighten it. “I thought you had lost your mind when you yelled out for me to pull the car over.”

“Hey, we were lucky to come up on that utility company as they were cutting back the trees. This is good wood…not rotten or bug infested. You don’t come across a gem like that every day.” Gentry patted the side of the log as she stacked it onto the pile. “Although, I wouldn’t mind seeing your reaction if one of those bugs crawled across you in the middle of the night.”

Sam pointed her finger at Gentry. “Don’t even play.”

“Truce.” Gentry put her arms up. “Seriously though, we really were lucky. It’s not like you can just go chop down a tree in the forest, you know? These woods are protected.”

“Ummmm. Yeah so, that’s why they sell it in the little bags. All chopped up nice and pretty for you. We spent almost two hours chopping these logs.” Sam rubbed a knot in the muscle of her shoulder. “With that and the hikes, I’m probably not going to be able to move in the morning. I’ll just lay here scared to breathe deep or cough for the pain it could cause. The headlines will read, ‘Women Found Dead from Starvation and Dehydration on Couch of Big Blue Bus.’”

“Nah, I’d feed and water ya.”

Sam laughed. “Gee, thanks.”

“You may be able to afford to throw money away on nicely prepackaged wood, Ms. Mercedes-Money-Bags, but I can’t. Something tells me you’re doing all of this belly-aching about sore muscles to try to weasel a massage out of me.”

“Oooh. I hadn’t thought of that. Is it working?”

Gentry looked over her shoulder as she placed some kindling in between the logs in the heater. “As a matter of fact, no. Not at all.”

“Damn.” Sam snapped her fingers. “Tough luck for me.”

With the fire built, Gentry lit a match, tugged it next to the kindling and closed the latch. “Cross your fingers. I’ve used this stove once one winter back home. It nearly ran me out of here it was so hot. Mind you, it was a Louisiana winter all of thirty degrees. So, we’ll see how good she does here.”

“Do you think we’ll be warm enough?”

“I do. I built this thing with northern winters in mind. I was never going to stay in the South.” She ran her hand alongside the wall behind the wood stove. “I used a high-quality, closed-cell spray foam when I insulated. Plus, those curtains,” Gentry said as she pointed to the window, “are energy efficient and thick. They’ll help hold in the heat. All of the windows have been tightly sealed so no cool air will blow in while they’re shut. I may have to get up through the night and stoke the fire but we should be plenty warm. My hope is we’ll actually get a little too hot. This baby has got to keep me warm through the Maine winters too. That’ll be the true test.”

“Are you worried?”

“Not in the least.” Gentry’s voice was determined and sure. Yet Sam saw a hint of questioning in the expression of her eyes. Can’t hide the eyes.

She sat down next to Sam and stretched her legs out in front of her. Their feet were nearly side by side. Sam could smell the remnants of the outdoors on Gentry’s skin and clothing as she sat down next to her. She was beginning to love the scent of the outdoors filled with pine and sweat from a good hike on her clothes when she came in from the outside. It didn’t remind her of any of the memories she was trying to leave behind.

Gentry softly cleared her throat. “Speaking of Maine, the plans are to pull into Mt. Desert Island tomorrow. It’s the final destination of this road trip. Have you given thought to what you’ll do when my traveling ends?”

Sam looked around the cozy space. “I haven’t.” She pulled a pillow from behind her back, brought it to her lap, and played with the stitching designed in the shape of a pine tree. “I guess the question is, are you ready to get rid of me?”

Gentry let her head fall against the side of the bus. She felt the indecision roll over itself until it felt like a ball in the pit of her stomach. Sam could end her journey here. She could. If she did, Gentry knew she would be fine. Although she would feel it. She would sense the twinge of missing and loss. A part of her thought it may be best to encourage Sam to go. Yet it carried the least amount of strength in her. The stronger side seemed to yearn for Sam’s company. It waited for her to awake in the morning so it could hear her voice with the conversations she would bring up. On a lucky day, it may even get to hear her laugh with her child-like humor. That side also liked to revisit the glimpses of Sam’s body she was gifted. She rolled her head to the side to look at Sam. Filled with the image of Sam’s nude body in a glow of light under a pitch-dark sky, she looked at her. She made no attempts to hide or suppress her thoughts.

“Never mind. Don’t answer that. I’ve invaded your privacy too long.”

“I didn’t say that.” Gentry’s voice was low and deep. She watched the blue of Sam’s eyes dart back and forth as she studied her expression.

“You didn’t.” Sam swallowed hard under Gentry’s stare.

“Say what you want and mean the words when you say them.”

Sam looked down at the pillow. The intensity of Gentry’s stare was making her nervous. She was having a hard time understanding it. There was such a seriousness to it that Sam wondered if maybe she did want her to go but yet none of her words told her that. Nervously, she fiddled with the stitching of the pillow.

Gentry slid her hand over the top of the pillow and pulled it gently from Sam’s lap. “What do you want, Sam?” She tucked the pillow in between them. “Don’t think about how you think I want you to answer or what I may be thinking. Just you. How you feel. What do you want?”

Sam rubbed her palms across the top of the sweatpants she had changed into when they returned to the bus. Again, she swallowed hard. “I want to stay with you. Even though I don’t have any idea where I’m going or what’s next in my life…with you, I don’t feel lost. I’m not curled up in a bed somewhere crying my eyes out. I feel like I’m living again when I’m with you. I’m not ready to let that go.”

“Then don’t.” The truth in Sam’s words struck Gentry. They were exposed, vulnerable even. Something in Gentry stirred.

“It does matter what you think though. This is your home. So, I have to wonder if you do want me here with you or if you’re ready to be alone again.”

“Does anything about my actions or words tell you I want that?” Gentry’s voice hadn’t changed. Her words were slowly spoken with a hoarseness found in them.

“I don’t think so.” Sam leaned her head against the couch to match Gentry’s. “What do you want then?”

Gentry watched the flames from the wood stove flicker in the green of her eyes. She saw the skin of Sam’s neck tighten with the clench of her jaw. “Right now?”

Sam nodded.

“Right now…” Gentry paused. Her thoughts swarmed. Her body ached with need and want. “I’m having a hard time not kissing you.” Fuck resolve. Gentry pulled the pillow from between them and tossed it onto the floor.

Sam sat up quickly. Her eyes were filled with surprise.

Gentry didn’t move. The sound of the crickets outside was loud in the silence between them. Sam’s heartbeat quickened and began to pulse in her ears. She felt heat rise from her neck up to her cheeks and realized she was blushing. Samantha LeJeune was actually blushing.

“You’re blushing.” Gentry ran her finger along the redness of Sam’s cheek. “Did I make you uncomfortable?”

Sam shook her head no.

Gentry brought her hand from her cheek to lay it flat on Sam’s chest. She tucked her index finger under the collar of Sam’s sweatshirt and gently pulled her toward her. As Sam’s upper body got closer, Gentry turned to lay her back flat against the couch. Their faces, their lips were inches apart. Gentry could smell the day upon the skin of Sam’s neck. Sam’s face was filled with doubt and uncertainty. The child-like questioning stopped Gentry from pulling her closer.

“I’ll stop if you want. If there’s any part of you that doesn’t want this, I’ll stop. Just tell me.”

“Don’t,” Sam whispered, “stop.”

“What were you like before all of this? Who were you before her?” she whispered against Sam’s lips. She saw a glimmer of change in Sam’s eyes. “Kiss me like that woman would have kissed me.”

The blue of Sam’s eyes darkened with the expansion of her pupils. She took Gentry’s lips with assertiveness and sureness. She didn’t feel the hurt of lost love or the pain of her broken heart. Instead, she felt the warmth of Gentry’s lips against hers and the softness of her tongue as she entered her mouth.

There was no hesitation or shyness to Gentry’s kiss. She kissed her with raw need as she gripped the collar of Sam’s shirt tighter and pulled her deeper into her mouth. Their kiss was feverish which took Sam’s breath. She pulled away from Gentry.

A smile slid across Gentry’s face. “That’s exactly who I thought you were.” Her breath was labored as she spoke. “Hi, Sam. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Hi,” Sam mumbled against Gentry’s lips before taking her again in a kiss.

Gentry grunted into her mouth with the twinge of pain she felt as the weight of Sam’s chest pressed against her sensitive breasts. Gentry felt the urgency in Sam’s kiss. The need to feel everything between them and nothing that wasn’t. She felt Sam’s heart beating forcefully against her chest. She felt the heat of Sam’s breath on her cheek as her tongue searched her mouth. She released Sam’s shirt to wrap her arms around her. In one moment, she rolled Sam’s back against the couch and straddled her waist. She wanted more of Sam. She wanted all of Sam. She rocked her hips against Sam with the strength of their kiss exciting her need for more. She felt Sam’s hips press up into her with each movement. Gentry pushed away from Sam and put her hands flat across her chest. Sam’s chest rose and fell rapidly against them. Gentry searched Sam’s eyes for any hint of hesitation. For any sign that she wanted them to stop. There wasn’t one. Instead, Sam jerked the sweatshirt over her arms and reached up to quickly unbutton Gentry’s shirt. Gentry’s head fell back as Sam pushed the shirt off of her shoulders and slid her hand around her back to unfasten her bra. Gentry grabbed Sam’s hand from behind her and brought it to the top of her bra-covered breast. Sam squeezed hard, causing another wave of pain to course through Gentry. She sucked the air between her teeth as she felt every bit of pleasure it sent soaring through her. Sam leaned up and breathed in deeply the smell of Gentry’s skin between her breasts. She cupped each of them and let her thumb trace the nipples that rose beneath the lace material. She massaged them as she kissed along the sides of each breast. Gentry rocked against her again as she ran her fingers through Sam’s hair to pull her tighter against her. She leaned over to envelope Sam into her arms. Eucalyptus mint filled her senses as she inhaled Sam’s scent. She reached down to lift Sam’s T-shirt over her head. Removing her bra, Gentry pushed Sam against the couch and ran her hands over her chest. She watched as Sam’s lip quivered with the exploration of her breasts.

Sam looked from Gentry to the bed. “Let’s go to bed.”

Gentry didn’t follow her gaze but shook her head. “No.” She unfastened and unzipped her jeans. She leaned into Sam and murmured against her lips. “Here. Right here.” As she began to kiss her again, Sam felt her take her hand and guide it to the opening of her jeans.

Sam slid her hand inside of Gentry’s jeans and underwear with the same intensity of Gentry’s kiss. Gentry inhaled sharply and bit Sam’s bottom lip as Sam entered her. She rose back on her knees, placed one hand behind Sam’s neck and the other on the side of the couch to steady herself. She rocked her hips in rhythm with Sam’s hand. Gentry’s eyes were closed as she dipped her hips down to let Sam enter her deeper and deeper. As their rhythm quickened, Sam felt Gentry’s fingers curl into a ball in the back of her hair. She sucked in air to both the pain and pleasure of it. Gentry opened her eyes to look deeply into Sam’s. She removed her hand from the couch and slipped it into the waistband of Sam’s sweats. The elastic band gave no hindrance to reach her fully. She felt Sam’s excitement on her fingertips which heightened her desire to touch her more. She began to explore her fully. Sam moaned through parted lips. It had been so long since a woman touched her. Gentry’s touch was sure and confident. Not one of a woman touching another for the first time. Gentry wasn’t thinking of Sam being a woman. Rather, she was swarmed with the feeling of how good it felt to touch her. How much it excited her to feel the response in Sam as she touched her. Gentry began to feel the change in her. It wasn’t that Sam’s touch alone hadn’t been exciting for her but to feel Sam on her fingertips increased every sensation in her. Sam moved her hand to touch Gentry in the same way. They circled each other with like rhythm. Sam felt Gentry’s arousal grow as they did. Gentry let out a deep groan as she entered Sam for the first time. The warmth and softness of being inside of Sam caused her to push harder into her. She couldn’t stop the groans from increasing into lusty cries as she convulsed against Sam’s hand inside of her. The cadence of Sam’s hips grew to the speed of Gentry’s. Gentry’s thumb swept over Sam, sending her over the edge along with Gentry in the moment of her final moan. Sam felt Gentry quiver against her as her legs relaxed across her lap.

The sweat upon Gentry’s forehead dampened Sam’s skin as she leaned in to rest it against hers. “Holy hell,” she said between breaths. “That was freaking hot.”

Sam moistened her lips with a sweep of her tongue. “You can say that again.”

Gentry slowly brought her hand from Sam’s waistband. “I don’t think I can go again but give me a few minutes and I might.”

Sam’s eyes widened.

Gentry laughed and rolled off of Sam onto the couch. “I’m joking.” She picked her shirt up off of the floor and carefully buttoned each button. She laid Sam’s shirt over her chest to cover her breasts and ran her finger over the beads of sweat found there. “I’d say the stove is working.”

“Or something,” Sam muttered. She turned her head to look at Gentry but her body was too spent to move, much less try to put her shirt on. “I had no idea. No clue.”

“No idea about what?”

“That you were a lesbian. You know, into women.”

Gentry gave her a quizzical look.

Sam shrugged. “I just mean I didn’t know you had been with women before. We’ve never talked about it but I just didn’t know you had.”

“I’ve never been with a woman like this before.” Gentry turned her head away from Sam. “Not like this.”

“Then wow. That was amazing.”

Gentry was quiet as they got ready for bed. She even dressed for bed in the nook where the commode was so that she couldn’t be seen.

“Goodnight, Sam,” she said softly. She pulled the covers over her and laid on her side with her back to Sam.

Sam curled in behind her but felt Gentry’s body stiffen. She moved her shoulder away from the touch of Sam’s hand.

“Do you want me to sleep on the couch?” Sam asked.

“No. Stay. But can we not do that?” Gentry scooted farther away from Sam in the bed. “The cuddling part?”

“Sure. Anything you want.” Sam rolled over and curled up on her side of the bed. “Goodnight, Gentry.”

Sam blinked her eyes to adjust to the sunlight pouring in from the window. Her body shivered with the chill in the air. She reached across the empty bed and pulled the covers tighter over her shoulders.

“It’ll warm up in a minute. I just added another log to the stove.”

Sam sat up to see Gentry sitting on the couch. The steam from the coffee mug rose up around her nose as she held the it close to her face. “Want some coffee? It’s fresh.”

“Yes, please.” Sam stretched her arms over her head and ruffled the back of her hair. “What time is it?”

“A little after nine. You’ve been sleeping hard.”

“You’re kidding. It’s nine a.m.? I’ve not slept that good in a long time.”

A smirk crossed Gentry’s lips. “Hmmm…I wonder why it is you slept so soundly.”

Sam gave a nervous laugh and felt herself blush. “I have no idea.” She stepped over Gentry’s feet on her way to the coffee pot.

Sam poured a cup of coffee and looked around for the sugar.

“To your right. I bought a five-pound bag just for you.”

Sam felt nervous around Gentry. Even as impressive as Big Blue was, it was definitely limited on a selection of seating. There was the bed where Gentry had pulled away from her the night before and the couch where Gentry sat. The difference in Gentry between the bed and couch were quite different. Neither looked like the best place to sit to drink her coffee. Sam caught the site of the two cloth stools under the wooden ledge and reached to pull one out.

Gentry pulled back the blanket and patted the couch. “You know you can sit next to me. I’ll try to behave myself.”

Sam pushed the chair back under the ledge and took a step toward Gentry.

“At least until you finish your coffee anyway.”

Sam stopped and felt the blush invade her cheeks again.

“You have an adorable blush.”

“Yes, well, I never have had one before. So, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I was always the one who caused the blush, not the other way around.”

“Interesting,” Gentry said as she took a sip of coffee.

Sam sat next to Gentry and tucked the blanket around her. She could feel the warmth from the stove on her feet as she stretched her legs out. The flames danced from within the window of the stove but the sounds of the crackle were deafened behind the glass. The bus was quiet but for the two women sharing their morning coffee.

“I pull out for Maine today. Last night you said you wanted to come with me.” Gentry took another sip. “I’m wondering this morning if that feeling has changed. If what happened between us…if what I did ruined that?”

“What you did? I believe there were two people involved in the doing.”

“True. But I initiated it. I wanted it.” She looked at Sam. “I wanted you. This morning, I woke up thinking I’d made a mistake. Your heart belongs to someone else. You’re hurting deeply from the loss of someone you love. Even though it was a sexual desire and need for me that I totally blame on pregnancy hormones, I realize it may have felt more of a betrayal to you. I would never want to cause you to have negative feelings of any kind, especially any that deal with me.” Gentry placed her hand over the bump in the blanket where she thought Sam’s hand rested. “I hope I didn’t ruin our friendship.”

Sam’s head was spinning with the words: friendship, sexual desire, betrayal. Yet one stood out more than any of those. “Pregnancy? Did you say pregnancy hormones?”

Gentry looked down at her stomach and sighed. “Yep. I’m pregnant.”

Sam sat straight up. “You’re pregnant?”

“Don’t worry. It’s not yours.” Gentry tried to get Sam to laugh. Anything would be better than the look Sam was giving her now. “Hey, if you haven’t had sex with a pregnant woman before, you can now check it off of your bucket list.”

“How? How are you pregnant?”

“Yeah so…being you’re the doc here, I would think you’d have a pretty good understanding of how all of that works.”

Sam shook her head and set her coffee cup on the counter for fear of spilling it. She rubbed her palms over her face and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Of course I know. I mean, you’re taking off by yourself to go work in Maine. Until you ran across me, you were planning this all alone. To be alone.”

“Yes. And now I’m following the signs. Don’t you think it’s a crazy sign that you’re an OB doc and I’m pregnant?”

“I guess.” Sam grabbed her coffee cup. “Hell, I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore.”

“What is your biggest hangup about this then?”

Sam’s brain was buzzing. To be completely honest, it had been since she woke up. She peered into her nearly full coffee cup and thought she needed to consume the rest for hopes the caffeine would kick in clarity to her thoughts. The coffee burned her throat with the speed and amount of her swallow. “Who’s the father? I mean, is he going to be coming around? Coming to Maine?”

“He doesn’t know.”

“Are you going to tell him? Let him be a part of the baby’s life.”

Gentry placed her finger over Sam’s lips to silence her. “I know who he is as in I know the moment I got pregnant. I do not know him. It was a one-time thing. He came to the motel as a stopover on a business trip. We hooked up. It was a moment. Obviously, I wasn’t as safe as I should’ve been. Before you start worrying, I’m usually not like that.” Gentry shook her head. “I know it sounds bad after last night, but I’m usually very safe. Nor am I a slut. I can count on one hand how many people I’ve been with in the last year. All of two. One who got me pregnant and one who is staring at me with the most God-awful look.”

“I’m sorry.” Sam felt bad for the way she was responding to Gentry’s news. Hell, she was an OB doctor for crying out loud. She had seen single women pregnant before. “I didn’t mean to insinuate I thought anything bad of you.”

Gentry forced a smile. “Good.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to go to Maine and start the job I’ve worked for the last years of my life.”

“What are you going to do about the baby?”

“I’m going to go to Maine,” Gentry said frankly. “Beyond that, I don’t know yet.” She dipped her head down to look Sam in the eyes. “I hope you’re still considering coming with me.”

Gentry had given Sam breath in a suffocating world. It was hard to think of her going off to Maine on her own. Sure, she seemed quite capable of doing it but the fact was, Sam didn’t want her to. “Signs, huh?” she asked.

“I think they are.”

Sam tucked Gentry’s hair behind her ear. “Me too.”

Chapter 11

Sam fumbled with the packages in her hand, her keys, and the very loud ringing phone in her pocket. She felt embarrassed when the group of people standing on the sidewalk turned her way. She smiled before falling into the front seat of her car. Quickly, she answered her phone to avoid the call going to voicemail. She feared the medical board of Maine may be calling back with more questions.

“Hello.”

“Hi.” Violet pushed open the door leading out into the parking garage. She had waited all day to make this call. Even now, she didn’t want to. Over the last three weeks, she had heard a difference in Sam. She had started her healing. Because of that little bitch, she was about to cause her to have a setback.

“Hey, Vi. I was just thinking about you and Jaz.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jaz wasn’t any higher on her list than Rayne. She clinched her jaw at the thought of them both.

“Yes. Memorial Weekend is coming up and I was wondering if y’all were headed to the beach.”

“That’s why I’m calling.”

Sam organized the packages in the passenger seat to avoid broken eggs on her way home. Home. Referring to Gentry’s bus as home was freeing for lack of a better word. “I bet you’re excited to be getting away.”

“I was.”

Sam hadn’t mistaken her voice. “What’s wrong, Vi? Something’s up, I can tell.”

“What are you doing right now? Is it a good time to talk?”

“I’m sitting alone in my car. Shoot. I’m all yours.”

“I could kill her. I could kill Jaz for this.” The anger boiled to the surface and over as Violet began to let her words spill out. “It always comes back to her past. Always. No matter how hard I try or how happy we are, something always reminds her of those times. Some little pretend wounded duck comes into her bar and she thinks she has to mend its fucking wing because she knows what it feels like. I swear, Sam, it’ll never end. Constantly I have to be reminded of what Jaz went through when we met. Well, I tell you, it was no fucking bed of roses for me either. The back and forth. The not knowing from one day to the next. When in the hell will it end? Huh? When?”

“Vi, honey, slow down. Take in a breath. I don’t know where this is coming from but Jaz loves you. I’ve never seen two women more in love. Whatever this is, it’s just a bump. Okay? Only a bump.” Sam looked in her rearview mirror to make sure no one was waiting on her parking space. This phone call was going to take a minute. “Tell me what happened.”

“It’s that bitch, Sam. It’s that bitch Rayne.”

Sam turned up the volume on her phone. “Rayne? Did you just say Rayne?”

“Yes.” Violet leaned against her car.

“I don’t understand. How are you talking about Rayne and Jaz right now?”

“Because Jaz knows her. She met her and thinks she needs to be her friend.”

“Wait? How does she know her?”

Violet unlocked her car door and got in. “Hell if I know the details. All I know is one night on call, I came home to surprise Jazlyn for dinner and that bitch was sitting at my table, eating my Thai food, and listening to my jazz with my Jaz. I could’ve killed them both. Apparently, Rayne’s been coming to the club.”

“To the gay bar?”

“Yes.”

“What the fuck is she doing at the gay bar?” Sam felt as if a sledgehammer had been directed right into her gut. Her lunch earlier in the day began to sour in her stomach.

Vi’s tone lightened. “I don’t know, honey. I’m so sorry to bring her up after how well you’re doing. It’s killing me. Trust me. My life would have been fine to never hear or mention her name again.”

“So, why are you telling me all of this. I know there’s more.” Sam pushed her bangs out of her eyes. “Just say it, Vi.”

Violet hated hearing Sam’s tone sadden the way it had. “Jaz invited her to come to the beach house this weekend. She says Rayne needs a friend. Needs a place to get away. She’s been snowballed by her, just like you were, and believes she’s lost and hurting too.”

Sam moved the earpiece of the phone to her forehead. She couldn’t hear any more for the moment. She looked over at the bags in her seat and thought of Gentry. “Vi, I need to go. I’m sorry. I can’t hear all of this right now.” She didn’t move the phone back but could still make out Vi’s words.

“Honey, please, I’m sorry. Please.”

“I know, Vi. I love you but I’ve got to go.”

As Sam ended the call, she heard Violet scream one final “Fuck.”

Sam watched Gentry as she sat in a chair out by the water. She was putting the groceries away before joining her. That and trying to calm down before joining her. She had thought of nothing but Rayne on her drive back. How was she ever going to fully escape her now? She is thousands of miles away yet somehow Rayne is still filtering into her life. She slapped her hand down on the butcher block counter surface. She just wanted to forget she ever existed. As if it wasn’t hard enough on her end to do that, Rayne had become a part of the lives of her two best friends. She quickly downed two swallows of tequila straight from the bottle. Gentry sat still in her chair out by the water. An empty chair rest next to her. Sam downed another swallow and walked out of the bus.

“Is this seat taken?” Sam sat down hard in the chair.

“Sorry, I’m waiting for the new doc in town to come watch the sunset with me. You’ll have to take a number.” Gentry didn’t take her eyes from the water. Her words were playful but the tone behind them was not. “Did you get good news?”

It took Sam a moment to recollect what Gentry was referring to—to remember why she had stopped by the grocery to grab celebratory food and sparkling grape cider. “I did. They gave me temporary privileges to start work whenever I wanted. The permanent ones take a couple of months because I have to wait for the board to meet to grant me full privileges. But, it’s a step.”

“That it is.”

“The tide is in tonight.”

“Mmmmm hmmmm.” Gentry smiled out at the water. “It should make for a gorgeous sunset. I was afraid you were going to miss it.”

“Sorry. I stopped at the grocery.”

“Get anything good?”

Sam half-smiled. “I did.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“What else happened? Something did.”

Sam slumped deeper into her chair. “Ever get a phone call that literally knocks the wind out of you?”

For the first time, Gentry turned to look at Sam. Her eyes were different than Sam had seen before. They seemed void. Void of an emotion. Not sad, not happy, and definitely not the eyes of Gentry she was used to seeing. “I know something about that.” She looked back out into the water. “I know it too well. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” Sam hesitated with the uncomfortable feeling Gentry’s look had given her. She touched Gentry’s arm but withdrew when she felt her tighten it. “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”

Gentry didn’t take her eyes from the water. “Not really. I just want to sit here and watch the sunset.”

The color of the sun over the tops of the pine trees reflected off of the water onto Gentry’s face. She felt the glow of its colors upon her cheeks and tip of her nose. This sunset marked an end to her past. This is the day she took her final breath. Never again would she have to see her or hear her voice. Orange, purple, and red spread from the sun like wings. Addie’s spirit was somewhere up there, stretching her arms wide to embrace her. She heard Addie’s voice of comfort in the wind that stirred. She gave a side glance to Sam who sat motionless in the chair. Not everyone could find solace in a sunset the way Gentry had come to do. Addie had taught her to do that. There was nowhere in the world and nothing in the world that could happen to her where the sun would not set to bring another day. Sometimes it wiped the day’s surface clear with the most glorious sky of colors. Gentry’s hopes of those tonight had been fulfilled. She rolled her head to Sam and noted the lines of worry and sorry had been lifted from her face. She smiled. Addie would be proud she had found such a kindred spirit to befriend. As she often did, she quietly whispered to Addie, “You’d like her.”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Gentry said.

“Gorgeous. I don’t want it to end.”

“The wonderful thing is that no matter what tomorrow holds at the end of the day, there will be another sunset.”

Sam smiled and brushed her bangs from her eyes.

“You know, if you want, I could give you a haircut tonight. So you don’t look all scruffy when you go on your interview tomorrow.”

“You could? That would be awesome. But…wait. Do you know how to cut hair?”

“Who do you think cuts mine?”

“Get out of here. Is there anything you can’t or haven’t done?”

Gentry thought for a moment. “Yes. I’ve never delivered a baby.”

The sun had set. Night had come, and just like that, Sam had laughed.

Chapter 12

“You’re like a child. Hold still already.”

“Okay. Okay.” Sam sat on the dinette stool in the middle of the floor. She had become full of energy to tell Gentry about the meeting with the doctor who owned the clinic in Bar Harbor. It would be a perfect place for Sam to work in the interim of figuring out exactly where she wanted to go. “I haven’t been on an interview in forever. I’m a ball of nerves.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know, Gentry. I feel it, you know?”

“Feel what?” Gentry pulled a layer of hair in between her fingers and cut along its end.

“That I’ve lost my edge,” Sam said flatly. “I’m not the same person I used to be. Before, I had confidence that I was the person for the job because I could do anything they wanted of me.”

“And now?” Gentry rounded Sam’s back to cut along the side of her hair.

“Now, I’m different. I don’t know what I can handle much less convince someone I’m the best choice for the job.”

“Maybe you’ll be a different doctor because of all of this. Maybe you’re meant to be a doctor who has experienced pain and loss. The edge you may have needed was one that helped you connect with your patients on a personal level.”

Sam hadn’t thought of it like that. She hadn’t at all thought of it like that. “You may be onto something.” She tried to think of her patients, of her experiences with her patients. She tried to visualize just one she knew on a more personal level, but she couldn’t. They had been “the C-section in room 1104 or the breech in 1315.” She heard Violet’s voice above the clicks of Gentry’s scissors. She sighed as she heard her say Rayne’s name. Rayne was that kind of doctor. Her whole career was set in place to go back home to practice with the people she knew. She wanted to care for the people she had known all of her life. Sam finally got it…a piece anyway. Finally, something made sense to her why Rayne had made some of her choices.

Gentry straddled Sam’s thigh. “Gotta get this top and then I’m all done.”

Sam’s thoughts ceased with the feel of Gentry’s breast pressed against her cheek. She felt the squeeze of her legs against her thigh as she stretched to make another cut.

“These layers have really grown out,” Gentry said as she stepped in between Sam’s legs. She reached further back to even a line of hair.

“Mmmmm hmmmm,” Sam murmured from in between Gentry’s breasts.

Gentry ran her fingers through Sam’s hair to look for strands she may have missed. “Your hair is so thick.” She felt the softness of Sam’s hair in between her fingers. “And soft.” Oblivious to what she was doing to Sam and possibly to herself, she continued to run her fingers through Sam’s hair. “So soft,” she mumbled. Sam’s head fell into her hands with each pass through her hair.

Gentry’s spine straightened when she felt Sam’s hands softly upon the back of her thighs. She brought her hands to the side of Sam’s face to raise her head. “You’re so beautiful,” Gentry said into her eyes.

Sam unbuttoned Gentry’s jeans. Slowly, without losing eye contact, she unzipped them. As she untucked her shirt, she pulled her down to straddle her legs. Gentry grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it free over her head. Sam kissed the skin between Gentry’s breasts. She looked back up at Gentry with eyes of permission as she brought her hand to the latch of her bra. There she stopped and waited for Gentry’s response.

Gentry rubbed her thumb along Sam’s bottom lip. With her other hand, she again felt the softness of Sam’s hair. Within her eyes, within the way she held Gentry in them, she felt the same. Soft. These were not the eyes of the woman who had taken the innocence of Gentry’s body from her. Gentry swallowed hard, the fear building in her throat. She closed her eyes and nodded yes to Sam’s request. Recognizing what she had been given, Sam gingerly unlatched Gentry’s bra and dropped it at their feet.

“You’re perfect,” Sam whispered. “Absolutely perfect.” She dipped her head into Gentry’s chest and pulled her in close to her.

Gentry let the softness of Sam’s hair tickle her nose as she breathed in the eucalyptus mint. “Far from it,” she murmured back but then groaned to the sensation of Sam’s hand rubbing her breast.

She could say what she wanted but Sam found everything about Gentry’s body perfect. The way her neck formed the perfect little V at the base of it. The way her breasts were carried upon her chest. She felt the weight of it in her hand. The perfect rise of her nipple between Sam’s lips and tongue. All of it…perfect. She wanted to taste every inch of them. She took her mouth from Gentry’s nipple to kiss along the side of her breast. Sam’s tongue roved along the softness of Gentry’s skin to taste the subtle saltiness from the perspirations starting to form. Sam slid her hand to the small of Gentry’s back to bring her back into her mouth as Gentry’s back began to arch in response to Sam’s touch. The change in the texture of Gentry’s skin stopped Sam from falling into the moment and feeling of it all. She ran her tongue again over the roughened skin. She opened her eyes and pulled her head back to look. Gentry felt it too. On the side of her perfect breast was a very imperfect, circular scar. It was old. Old enough to have been stretched in the growth of her development. Sam blinked several times, trying to figure out how the scar was here. What kind of accidental injury had happened to Gentry to leave a scar such as this? How does a cigarette accidentally burn this most delicate private of skin? Gentry saw the knowing in Sam’s eyes. She saw it as plain as if Sam had given voice to everything she knew from one look. She had taken the last she was ever going to take from her. She couldn’t, wouldn’t have another moment of Gentry’s life. Gentry kissed Sam with every bit of urgency she felt. She pulled Sam onto the couch with her and took her as she had done before.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Sam said with labored breath.

Gentry moistened her lips. “Mmmmm hmmmm,” she hummed. “Says you.”

Sam tried to laugh but her body wouldn’t cooperate. Instead, she closed her eyes and attempted to catch her breath from the explosive climax Gentry had just brought her to. Gentry had a control of her hands in a way Sam never did. It’s not like this was her first rodeo…or second…or third even. Yet in the heat of passion, when the climax is so very close, she doesn’t have the best of control in the strokes of her hand. In fact, if she wouldn’t have tried to focus hard on Gentry’s body instead of her own, she would have surely been a fumbling fool. Gentry, however, was another story, which is probably why Sam had a harder time trying to regain focus. The movements of her hand were with consistency and precision. A smile slid across Sam’s face. Such great precision. Sam rolled her head over to look at Gentry. She let her eyes travel down her bare chest to see the small bump above her panty line.

“Do you know what you’re going to do about the baby yet?” Sam asked.

Gentry opened one eye and cocked it toward Sam. “Really? You want to talk about that right now?”

“No.”

Gentry closed her eye and smiled. “Good because I’d rather like to enjoy this moment.”

They sat in silence and let their bodies enjoy the sensations of each other. From the corner of Sam’s eye, she saw Gentry raise her hand to her breast. She sighed as her finger ran over the scar.

“Hey,” Gentry raised her hips off of the couch and pulled her jeans up to fasten them, “do you want to get out of here for the night?”

“Sure.”

Chapter 13

“When you said get out of here for the night, I didn’t know you literally meant outside.” Sam maneuvered to a spot in the tent.

Gentry laughed. “Gotta listen to the words more clearly before you accept them next time.”

“I suppose so. Seriously, you want us to sleep out here tonight?”

Gentry opened the door to the tent and then zipped up only the screen portion. “Yep.”

Gentry stared out the screen opening and asked, “Besides, can you think of a better view to fall asleep?”

“Not at all.” Sam drew each word out.

Gentry caught Sam staring at her. “Stop that.” She playfully swatted at her. “Look outside, crazy. It’s glorious. I’ve never seen the Milky Way before, have you?”

Sam leaned up next to her. “No, I don’t think I have. It’s beautiful.”

“It’s like glitter in the sky,” Gentry said as she climbed into the double sleeping bag she had made by zipping two open sleeping bags together.

Sam pulled the sleeping bag open on her side. There was going to be enough room for them but it would still be pretty tight. Gentry rolled on her side as Sam got in to lay next to her. The freshly stoked fire outside crackled and popped. Sam felt the warmth of it through the thin material of the tent. She saw the shadow of their bodies in the light of the lantern Gentry had placed at the head of their sleeping bag. She watched the rise and fall of Gentry’s back.

“Stale beer and cigarettes is what I remember most,” Gentry said quietly. “She reeked of it when she would climb on top of me.”

Sam froze to Gentry’s words.

“I don’t know that I remember when it first started or the moment when I realized what she was doing to me was wrong.” Gentry sat up with her back to Sam. “I think she had always done it to me. I never knew when she would come into my room. Only that some nights I slept while others,” she ran her hand along the back of her neck, “I didn’t. Some nights, I would sleep on the floor under my bed, hoping she would be too drunk to pull me out. My bedroom, the bed itself, was never a safe place for me.” Gentry thought of Sam noticing the scar on her breast. She felt where it was underneath her clothing. “She gave this to me. Most nights when she was doing what she was doing to me, she would tell me she loved me. That this was how she showed me how much she loved me. She wanted us to be together forever. Some nights,” she ran her finger down the screen of the tent, “she was pure evil with a side of mean, especially if I didn’t follow the rules as she called them. The night she burned me was one of those nights. She had come into my room drunk and already angry. When she found me in pajamas, she was furious. One of her rules was that I couldn’t wear any clothes to bed because if I did, it meant I didn’t want her to love me.” Gentry swallowed. “It was about the time I had started developing breasts. When that started happening, it was like she was always mad at me. I think she was pissed at me for growing up. As if that was something I could control. So when she found me in clothes, she really went off. She cut them off of me with a large pair of scissors. I was so scared, Sam. Until she burned me, I honestly thought her warped, drunk mind was going to try to cut them off. Instead, she lit a cigarette and smoked it calmly while she touched me. Before it was out, she burned me. Over and over in the same spot she burned me. She told me I was hers forever. That this was her brand on me. I didn’t think it would ever heal.” She ran her hand over it once more. “I guess it didn’t.”

A tear fell from Sam’s jaw before she realized she was crying. Her heart had been breaking with each word Gentry divulged. Each moment of horror she had lived through. She wiped the others from her cheek and sat up behind Gentry. She raised her arm to lightly caress Gentry’s back.

Gentry recoiled. “See?” she breathed out. “See? That right there. The way I can’t keep myself from doing that when you touch me. The scar won’t ever go away and neither will that. I never healed either of them. It’s her brand.” She placed her chin on her shoulder as she looked back at Sam. “I don’t want to pull away from you or flinch when you touch me. Believe me, I don’t. It feels good when you touch me.” She turned her head to focus back on the sparkle of the Milky Way. “Too good.”

Sam scooted up closer to Gentry. She was nervous for what it may do to her, for how she may make her feel, but she wanted to hold her. Just hold her. She inched in behind Gentry and wrapped her arms around her. Gentry’s body gave a small jerk and then relaxed into Sam’s chest.

“It’s over though. I never have to see her or hear her again.” Gentry brought Sam’s arms around her.

“No, you don’t.” Sam held her tightly.

“You would think after the state pulled me out of the house that it would’ve been over but it never was. The moment I started to live, the moment I felt safe, she would find me. Call me or come see me. It didn’t matter where I was. She even came to my college once. Every time crying. Telling me how much she loved me. How she only wanted us together. That we belonged together.” Gentry rubbed the skin between Sam’s knuckles with her finger. “My phone call today was to tell me it was finally over.” She tapped her finger against Sam’s knuckle. “She died this morning.”

“What happened?”

“Organ failure. She had drunk her liver into nothing. Even got a transplant but she fought rejection hard. I think it’s because there was so much evil in her that her body turned against itself when she got the liver. That liver was probably the only thing good in her. When I heard she had died, I was numb. I still don’t know how I feel about it. It’s the strangest feeling knowing she’s dead. I can’t describe it.”

“Then don’t. You don’t have to explain any of your feelings to me. I’m not that kind of a person. I like you for everything that you are.”

Gentry again turned her head to rest her chin on her shoulder. This time, Sam’s face was right there. She smiled into Sam’s eyes. “I like you too.”

Sam kissed her softly on the lips. One single, simple kiss. It was the first kiss of any feeling the women had shared. A simple kiss held in the arms of someone whose eyes had an understanding to the pain Gentry felt.

“Was she your stepmother?”

“Nah. My dad never married her, but they lived as if they were.”

“And your mom?”

“Suicide when I was a baby. I think it was postpartem depression but you’d probably know better than me about that stuff. She had left a note that basically said she felt trapped and this was her only way out. I don’t really think my dad ever loved her. They had runaway when they found out she was pregnant.”

Sam let her forehead fall against the back of Gentry’s head. “How did you ever get away?” she murmured in Gentry’s hair.

Gentry caught the scent of Sam with her movement and thought of the tree. For a moment, she was silent in the memory of the limbs of the eucalyptus cradling her. “My dad worked nights at the paper mill. Eleven to seven. When he wasn’t working, he was high on whatever he could find. Days he worked it was the light stuff like pot or coke—you know, something that he could function at work on. On his off days, he cooked heroine. I’d come in to find him laid out on the floor sometimes with the needle still stuck in his arm and her sloshing around drunk, yelling at me for taking it out and propping him up. She’d tell me to leave him. To let him drown in his own vomit.” Gentry sighed at how her words must sound to Sam. One reason she never talked about her past with anyone was for the fear of what they might think of her or the judgment in their eyes when she described her childhood. “It sounds terrible, doesn’t it? That I let them do all of it to me. That I didn’t stand up or fight for myself. Impossible I stayed in that.” Gentry began to make excuses for herself. “I was a kid, Sam. A child. Where was I to go? It had happened all my life. Hell, it was my norm.”

“Shhhhh.” Sam gently nudged for Gentry to look at her. “The only thing I find impossible is how you are who you are. The strength in you now. You lived through hell at their hands, yet you have this insatiable compassion for others. Gentry, you’re an amazing woman. I knew that before knowing all of this. But now, I’m even more amazed at how truly remarkable you are.”

When Gentry turned, she leaned into Sam’s chest with her nose buried against the neck of her skin. She breathed in her scent. “That was one of the first signs telling me you were part of my journey.”

“What was?”

“Your smell. You smell like eucalyptus.”

“It’s my lotion.”

“For me, it was my safe place. There was a eucalyptus tree planted in the back of our yard. For the longest time, I didn’t know it was there. I would hide under our trailer but when it started falling apart, I got scared of the wires and insulation stuff. One day, I ran into the small patch of woods trying to hide and that’s when I found it. I would bury myself in the limbs. When I first smelled you, I immediately felt safe.” She gave Sam a half-smile. “Anyway, that’s where I was when the police found me. Apparently, my dad had dialed 9-1-1. They found him overdosed on the floor. Of course, she was drunk out of her mind. The EMTs had called the police when they saw the place. You would’ve thought it was a drug house with all of the burnt spoons and crap laying around. I never figured out how or why they knew to look for me. It’s not like there were toys or an indication a kid lived there. She broke or threw away anything I made to play with. But for some reason, they did. She freaked out when they were taking me with them. Started screaming for them to get their fucking hands off of me. That I was hers. Even punched every cop she could reach. My dad went to a mandatory rehab for two years. She went to jail. I was placed in foster care until they found my grandmother. And that was the end of that.”

“Had you gone to school at all?”

“Yes. They had to in order to keep their business to themselves. They had gotten in trouble with the state when I wasn’t going. School was an escape. A few hours in the day where they weren’t.”

Sam opened her mouth to ask something else but Gentry silenced her with a finger across her lips. “Can we maybe talk about something else?” She shook her head. “I really want to stop now if that’s okay.”

“Of course,” Sam said. She pulled Gentry into her arms and rocked her. “Whatever you want.”

Gentry looked around the tent. She began to feel trapped, smothered. “I could use some air. I’m going to go stoke the fire. I’ll be back.”

“Okay.” Sam didn’t follow. She heard the fire begin to crackle again. She heard Gentry’s footsteps outside of the tent but Gentry didn’t come back. Instead, she walked to stand at the edge of the water. Sam watched as Gentry stood still with her arms crossed over her body. She wondered if Gentry would come back. Nevertheless, she knew she wouldn’t go out after her. She would sit in the tent and wait for her. She would be there when Gentry was ready for her to be. In comparison, her phone call today didn’t seem as bad. Essentially, she began to appreciate her own fault in it. She had gotten angry at her friend. Violet had done nothing wrong. No one had. Rayne had as much right to find herself in all of this as Sam was doing. As Gentry had shown her, life goes on. No matter the hell to get there, life does go on. She felt badly for hanging up the way she did on Violet and vowed to call her first thing in the morning.

The coldness in the air burned Gentry’s lungs as she filled them. Addie was the last she had told about her childhood. The last to know the nightmares she had escaped. Gentry didn’t feel a relief of putting voice to the things she had overcome. She felt exposed, like the little girl who wasn’t allowed to wear clothing at night time. Naked and exposed. She pulled her arms in tight around herself and tried to think about what it was exactly that made her want or perhaps need to share with Sam. With Addie, it was more of a freak-out moment when she had come in to tell her goodnight. With Sam, it was her eyes. The way she held Gentry in them. She was never pushy with her. She didn’t question her quirkiness. She merely accepted her for what she was and what she could or could not give. Gentry looked back over her shoulder. Sam’s silhouette was illuminated by the lantern light. She was sitting silently. Even now, after telling her so much, she sat in the tent patiently waiting for her to come back. She was giving her space but was there waiting when she was ready. Gentry dipped her hands in the water and then wet her face. It was time to go back to the tent.

Slowly, reluctantly, she unzipped the screen opening of the tent and ducked inside.

“I want to ask you something,” Sam said.

Gentry’s heart sank with disappointment. She had said she didn’t want to talk anymore about the past. She had asked if they could stop. Regretfully, she said, “Okay.”

“What if I need to go to the bathroom in the night? I mean, like, can’t wait until the morning go to the bathroom. What do I do?”

Gentry laughed with relief. “Well then, I suppose you better take two steps and go to the bathroom in the bus. It’s not like we’re in the wild wilderness, crazy.”

“Oh yeah. Okay. I’ll do that.” Sam laid down in her side of the sleeping bag. She rolled on her side with her back to Gentry’s side. “Good night, Gentry.”

Gentry cocked her head to the side. Hmph, she thought to herself, she really is different. She pulled the sleeping bag open, laid down, and clicked the lantern off. “Good night, Sam.”

Within moments of the darkness, the critters outside began to seem louder. Sam’s body flinched with one particular loud screech. “What was that?” she asked with a nervous anxiousness.

Gentry slid in behind Sam and wrapped her arm over the top of her. “It’s just a night owl. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

Sam pulled Gentry’s arm in between hers and held it firmly against her chest. She thought about the past Gentry had shared. “Ditto.”

Chapter 14

“Ugh,” Gentry grunted as she forcefully closed her book. She had spent the last half hour reading the same paragraph. A few days ago, Sam told her she had found a place in Bar Harbor. This was her first night to stay there. She had been excited when she found the fully-furnished condominium. Of course, she was happy for Sam, although she had not insinuated at all a timing for Sam to leave. In fact, she hadn’t even thought about it. Sam was easy to be around. It was like she was able to have her own private space even when she was there. But for some reason, Sam seemed to think Gentry was wanting her to find a place ever since they arrived in Maine. She reached across the bed to run her hands over the cover of Sam’s side. She saw the bookmark laying on the pillow next to her and looked back at the closed book in her hand. “Oh well,” she muttered as she rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I was really reading it anyway.” She tossed the book onto the pillow and let her head fall back against the bus. With her eyes closed, she desperately tried to feel Sam’s touch. The way she softly ran her fingers up her arm. The way her lips felt against hers.

“Fuck.” Gentry swung her legs off the bed but stopped suddenly when she heard something outside. She looked out of the window but couldn’t see much in the dead of night. It must’ve been close to eleven by this time. Slowly, she turned off the light above her bed. She grabbed her flashlight and walked to the doors of the bus. Again, she heard stirring outside of the bus. She tried to peer out of the windows closest to the doors. The streetlight gave little light for her to make out anything. Its lamp was overshadowed by the large trees that stood between it and her bus. It sounds big. She put her hand on the knob but didn’t pull the doors open. What if it’s a bear? Gripping the handle tighter, she mumbled, “Where the hell did I put that bear spray?”

Sam could’ve sworn Gentry’s light was on over her bed when she pulled up. But walking around the bus, she saw no signs that Gentry was awake. She must’ve gone to sleep. I knew I should’ve called. She stepped farther away from the bus to see better into the windows, although it didn’t help much. Briefly, she thought about walking back to her car and getting her phone. Just because I can’t sleep, is no reason to wake her up. Of course, Gentry was sleeping. She was back in her routine of things. After all, it wasn’t like Sam was an addition to her life in her bus. Feeling every bit of her stupidity for driving to Gentry’s bus in the middle of the night, she walked past its doors on her way back to her car. She stopped when she heard movement at them. She craned her neck to try to see into the bus. Hesitantly, she lightly tapped on the doors.

Was that a tap? Gentry’s eyes darted back and forth. Bears don’t tap, right?

Another tap, softer this time.

Gentry swallowed hard and then immediately became disappointed in herself for being afraid. Get it together, girl. You ain’t no wuss. Slowly, she opened the doors. The immediate sight of Sam standing at the door caused her to jump. She held back the scream of profanity buried deep in her chest as she tapped the flashlight against her leg.

“Did I scare you?” Sam asked quietly.

Gentry took in a breath to calm her nerves. “A little.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Gentry looked over Sam’s shoulder in the direction of the deep, rhythmic beating of an owl’s hooting. The wind bristled the needles of the pine trees and blew in crisp air into the bus. Gentry pulled her flannel shirt closed over her T-shirt-covered chest.

Sam brushed the hair from her face and leaned against the folded bus doors. “I missed you.” Her voice was soft in its honesty. “I missed the sound of you breathing next to me.”

Gentry stepped down onto the first step.

“I know I shouldn’t come out here whenever I feel like it.”

Gentry stepped onto the last step. Yet, still spoke no words to Sam.

“I know I shouldn’t miss you.” Sam leaned in to shield herself from the wind. “I know I shouldn’t…”

Gentry interrupted her by putting her finger upon her lips. She lowered it to curl it over the collar of Sam’s shirt. Gently, she tugged it to encourage her to step up into the bus. She pulled her lips to hers and kissed her. Sam held the expectations of the pattern of their kiss. She let her tongue flow in the rhythm they had found in their many shared kisses. They had learned one another’s bodies and the responses their touches elicited. Or so Sam thought until this kiss. Gentry’s tongue swept across hers with a sense of searching. Not as feverish as in their first kisses, but still with the same sense of unknown. Sam followed Gentry’s movements. Gentry pressed her fingertips into the back of Sam’s neck to deepen their kiss. Sam moaned in her mouth. With the pressure of Gentry’s hips pressing into her, Sam fell backwards against the bus.

“So, how are those pregnancy hormones working out for you?” Sam asked when Gentry released her lips.

Gentry felt Sam’s labored breath against her lips. She reached down to take Sam’s hand. “Come inside and I’ll show you.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Sam laid with her head on Gentry’s chest and tried to control her breaths. Sex with Gentry had brought her to the most explosive climax…again. She rolled her shoulder when she felt the stinging of where Gentry’s nails had been.

“So,” Gentry said as she softly ran her fingers through Sam’s hair, “how was your day?”

Sam snorted a laugh. “It was good. How was your day?”

“Long. I missed you.”

Sam ran her fingertips over Gentry’s belly in small circular patterns. “Not me. Hardly thought of you at all.”

Gentry returned Sam’s laugh. “Oh, is that a fact?”

“Fact it is. So much so that I drove out here close to midnight because I wasn’t thinking of you at all.”

“I see that.” Gentry tucked Sam’s hair over her ear and traced her finger along it. “You didn’t have to, you know?”

Sam raised her head up to face Gentry. She braced her weight on her elbow and looked into Gentry’s eyes, their green a deeper shade of emerald instead. “Have to come out here?”

“No. Have to leave.”

“I did.” Sam laid back down on Gentry’s chest.

“I never asked you to.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Did I ever make you feel like I wanted you to?”

Sam traced the lining of Gentry’s elevated belly button. “No.”

“Then…can I ask why you did?”

Sam took in a deep breath. She thought about her answer as she continued to trace circular patterns on Gentry’s belly. She thought about the baby growing inside and the changes that would soon take place. “I’m a lesbian, Gentry. In every sense of the word.”

Gentry followed Sam’s pattern with her fingertip along Sam’s back. “Okay. Kinda think I’ve got that part.”

Sam fought to look at Gentry but then decided it was probably easier for both of them if she kept their faces hidden. “But you don’t. For me, this is a life. For me, you and me living together is natural. It’s what couples do. To you, it’s not, because you’re straight. To you, we’re only friends.”

Gentry laid her hand flat on Sam’s back. “Sam, that’s not because you’re a woman. It’s because you’re a person. I thought you got that. I can’t be a couple with anyone. Not a woman and not a man. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“Couldn’t I be the judge of that?”

“Are you telling me you’re ready for a relationship? You’re over Rayne?”

Sam’s hand stopped.

“See. You can’t because you’re not. You’re still in love with her. You’re still healing your broken heart which is okay with me. I’m not asking you to give me anything. Nothing at all.”

Sam leaned back up on her elbow to face Gentry. “And that’s why I had to get my own place.”

Gentry gave her a puzzled look. “Meaning?”

“Maybe I want you to ask.”

Gentry gave her a smile of disappointment. Not one she felt toward Sam but one she felt for Sam. “Aw, honey.” She ran the tip of her finger down the middle of Sam’s spine and then back up. Not in a seductive way but in a caressing one. It was what she could give.

“It’s not your fault. You’ve been honest with me the whole time.” Sam returned to Gentry’s chest. “You told me not to fall in love. Not to envision the white picket fence with a family of three.” She bit the side of her cheek with the slip of how the baby had filtered into her thoughts when they drifted toward Gentry. “It’s why I had to get my own place. To get myself grounded. Have a space to go to if I did ever feel myself starting to fall.”

Sam’s head rose and then fell with the deep breath Gentry took. She listened to the pace of her heartbeat quicken.

“So, is this it? Are you telling me this is the last time we’ll have this?” Gentry paused, stared at the ceiling, and swallowed before speaking again. “Are you telling me goodbye? Is that why you came out here?”

“No, not at all.”

Gentry’s eyes closed with the smile that spread across her lips. “Good,” she said with relief. “What are you saying then?”

“I’m saying nothing has changed between us. Having my own place keeps it from changing.”

“Friends then?” She felt the spreading smile of Sam against her chest.

“Friends.”

Gentry leaned her body to the side as she dipped down past the small of Sam’s back to trace along the edge of her buttock. Delicately, she squeezed. “The very best of friends.”

Chapter 15

Sam fumbled with her keys and hiking pack as she tried to find her ringing cellphone. It seemed to ring most when her hands were too full to easily answer. “Hello,” she said as she rested the phone against her shoulder.

“I’m so tired, Samantha. So very tired.” Her mother’s voice was flat, almost numb and void of any emotion other than sounding drained. “I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t.”

“Do what, Mom? What can’t you do?”

“I can’t stay with him this time. I can’t keep living like this.”

Sam threw her pack in the back of her new Xterra SUV. “What did he do this time?” she asked with exasperation.

“The same he always does. Except this time everyone knows. I lost it, Samantha. He pushed me to the point that I finally lost it. I’ll never be able to walk outside again. Nor go to the club. Everyone will know this time.”

“Mom, calm down and tell me what happened.” Sam picked the iced picnic basket up from the ground and put it in the back.

“I beat that car to hell and back that’s what I did.”

“What car?” Sam looked at her watch. This was taking forever. She was slowly running out of time to get Gentry to her doctor’s appointment.

“The car he bought for that bitch he’s fucking. The bastard actually bought her a new Mercedes. Stupid sons-of-bitches at his dealership delivered it to me instead of her. I actually thought he had done something special for me. I was actually happy when the delivery guys brought me a brand-new convertible Mercedes coupe. It had a big fucking red bow on it. When they asked me to sign for it, I saw her name on the paperwork and not mine. The sorry-no-good-for-nothing-can’t-keep-it-in-his-pants son-of-a-bitch. I wanted to kill him, Samantha. I still want to kill him.”

“No. Don’t talk like that. He doesn’t deserve for you to suffer like that.”

“You’re right.” She paused. “So I killed the car.”

“You did what?”

“I went into the gardener’s shed, grabbed a sledgehammer, and beat the hell out of it.” Her mom took in a breath. “And then, well, you know I’ve been taking that handgun class.”

“Ummmm, no. No, I did not know any such thing.”

“Well, I have, but that’s not the point. Anyway, I looked at that beat-up car and still wanted to kill him. So, I got my gun and emptied the clip into it. That’s when the neighbors came out. And then the police.”

“What?” Sam sat down hard in the back of her SUV.

“I was arrested, Samantha. Literally arrested in front of my house. Can you believe that? Me? Arrested. Of course, your father called the judge and had the charges swept under the rug. It’s amazing what strings you can pull when you save people’s lives in surgery. Your father thinks it’s all okay now. All taken care of. Everything back to normal. But I can’t. I don’t want this or him anymore.”

“Divorce him already, Mom.”

“I’m scared, Samantha. Is that so hard for you to understand? I don’t know where I’ll go. What I’ll do. You have no idea how that feels.”

“Don’t I? Where am I? What about the last several months of my life makes you think I don’t know how that feels? Were you oblivious to it every time I called you?”

Sam’s mother began to sob hard tears. “I’m a terrible mother. A terrible wife. I’ve never done anything right in my life.”

Sam pinched the bridge of her nose and immediately felt remorse for being callous with her mother. “Shhhh. Please stop crying. Next week, I have a long weekend off. I’ll fly home and help you get settled somewhere. Can you hold out that long?”

“You would do that for me?” Her tears turned into sniffles.

“Of course. Hang in there. I’ll be home soon.” Sam stood up, shut the latch door, and walked around to the driver’s side. “Oh, and Mom?”

“Yes.”

“Please don’t kill him.”

“I make no promises.”

Gentry pulled her hiking cargo pants snuggly across her belly bump to button them. Before too long, she was going to have to go on a shopping spree. She bent over to lace and tie her hiking boots at the ankle and felt pressure to take a breath. She stood back up and propped her foot up to tie her shoes. Yoga can only do so much when your belly is expanding. She rubbed her hand across it. She wasn’t looking forward to her OB appointment today. In fact, she hesitated when Sam asked to drive her. She very nearly said no, as she thought it may be best to take the bus into Bar Harbor. Then again, she really was missing Sam since she had been staying at her place in town. Gentry’s ears perked up to the sound of tires on shells and gravel. She blotted her cherry red lipstick, adjusted her headband, took one final look in the mirror, and grabbed her bag as she ran out of the bus doors excitedly to meet her.

“What in the heck is this?” Gentry stopped when she rounded the hood of the bus to see Sam’s new vehicle.

“Isn’t it cool?” Sam eagerly jumped out of the driver’s seat and ran to hug Gentry. “Damn, I missed you.” She kissed her a gentle hello.

“I guess you did.” Gentry squeezed Sam in another hug. “Right back at ya.” She peered around Sam’s shoulder. “So, what’s with the new ride?”

Sam burst into a large smile. “Do you love it? It’s an Xterra. I traded in my Mercedes for it. This baby is four-wheeled drive so the winter here won’t be a problem. Plus, we can take it anywhere. Look at these racks.” Sam stood up on the step bar. “We could put some kayaks up here or hell anything we can’t stow in the back, but there’s a ton of room back there.” She remembered the picnic and hiking stuff in the bag and decided not to ruin the surprise. She can show her the hatch area later. “And it’s a four-door so it’s easy to get in. Plus, it’ll be a lot easier to get a car seat in here. I’ve put one in the back of a two-door car before and it was hell. I can’t imagine doing it over and over. I suppose you get used to it but well…” she stretched her arms out wide, “now we don’t have to.” She saw the downward slope of Gentry’s eyes as her face lost her smile. Idiot. Sam thought. Gentry doesn’t talk about the baby or the plans for it. She felt stupid for saying that about the car seat. She dropped her arms followed by her head. “I’m sorry. That was stupid of me to say.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not but thanks. Can we try to pretend I didn’t just ruin our time together?”

Gentry smiled as she stepped toward Sam. She placed her hands on the side of her face and leaned in to kiss her. A tender, sweet kiss. “You didn’t ruin anything. I’m happy to see you. If we weren’t running late, I would take you inside and show you just how much.”

Sam felt like a high school girl. So much so that she had to force herself not to shuffle her foot across the dirt. Gentry made her feel like she was someone else, somewhere else. “Just my luck.”

Gentry cocked her head to the side. “Maybe when you bring me back?” She playfully waggled her eyebrows.

“You got it.” Sam’s smile was broad and toothy. She realized how much she needed to see Gentry after her phone call with her mother. “I’m sorry I’m running late. My mom called. I’ll tell you about it on the drive but we better get going,” she added quickly.

“I love the color.” Gentry looked over her shoulder toward the big blue bus. “Looks somewhat familiar.”

Sam smiled sheepishly. “Well, for some reason, it seemed like the perfect color of blue.”

“Totally.”

“Hi, Dr. LeJeune. I didn’t know you were coming in today,” the girl said from behind the glass of the check-in desk. She ran her fingers through her hair to straighten it.

Sam smiled. “I’m here with a friend.” She wrote Gentry’s name down on the clipboard. “Will you let Dr. Waggoner know we’re here? We’ll need some new patient paperwork to fill out.”

The girl stood up, looked around Sam to the waiting room, and grabbed a clipboard. “Sure thing. Here you go.”

“Are you completely oblivious?” Gentry asked as Sam sat down and handed her the clipboard.

“To what?” Sam asked honestly.

Gentry laughed. “Oh yeah, you completely are. That’s so cute.”

Sam shrugged. “What’s cute?”

“You just ruined that girl’s day. She was very excited to see you and now look at her. Poor thing.”

Sam looked over at the window to see the girl watching them. She looked away quickly when she realized she had been caught staring. What was her name again? Sam tried to remember but failed. She had only recently started at the clinic and the names were taking a while to remember.

Gentry started filling out her paperwork. “You know, Sam, we aren’t dating. We’re just friends.” She glanced at Sam through the corner of her eye.

Sam smirked impishly and raised her eyebrow. “Just friends, huh?”

Gentry tapped the tip of the pen on Sam’s arm playfully. “Okay, smartass. Friends with extracurricular activities. How about that?”

Sam grabbed the pen and held it. “I think that’ll do just fine.”

“Seriously though, we aren’t dating. You know that, right? You can date anyone you like. I could be like your rebound girl.”

Sam let go of the pen. She knew there were no ties to her and Gentry’s relationship. Although, she knew it was more than casual sex because they actually enjoyed each other’s company. She had missed Gentry when she found her own place. Which is one of many reasons she wanted to take her there tonight after their picnic. She wanted Gentry’s presence to be there. Hopefully, she wouldn’t miss her as much if she could have memories of her in her new space. Without them, as hard as she tried, she thought of Rayne. Alone in the sleepless nights, it was Rayne who kept her awake at night. She hadn’t thought of it like that but maybe Gentry was her rebound. She turned to look at the woman behind the counter, who in turn was watching them again. She did look a bit sadder than when Sam first walked in. Sam shook the thought of dating from her head. Plain and simple, she wasn’t ready. Gentry was earnestly filling out the remaining form. As quickly as a blink of the eye, she had returned to her task. “Are you dating?”

“Are you serious?” She lifted the clipboard to expose her belly. “Honey, I’m four months pregnant. Don’t nobody want any of this.” Gentry laughed.

Sam laughed too. “Well, I wouldn’t kick you out of bed.”

Gentry softly tapped Sam on the tip of her nose with the pen. “If memory serves…or the couch either.”

The two women’s flirting was interrupted when Gentry’s name was called to come to the back. She collected her things and followed the woman. As they were going through the waiting room door, Gentry noticed Sam was still sitting. “Aren’t you coming?”

Sam looked up in surprise, quickly set down the magazine she had picked up, and followed them. “Oh, yeah. Sorry I didn’t know you wanted me to.”

“It’s not like you haven’t seen this all before.”

Sam ducked in between the nurse and Gentry. “Hi, Myra. How’s your day today?” She hoped Myra hadn’t noticed her read her nametag before addressing her. She really should get better with remembering everyone’s name. It’s not like it was a big clinic practice. She used to work around hundreds of people when at UAB. How is it she found herself struggling to remember a handful of names?

“It’s been a quiet one today so that’s good. I hate to ask you this on your day off, Dr. LeJeune, but would you mind looking at a couple of labs I laid on your desk? I can give them to Dr. Waggoner if you want. Thought I’d throw it out there since you’re here.”

“Sure, it’s no problem at all.”

“Cool. I’ll be getting Ms. Bell ready and checked in. She’ll be in room five. Dr. Waggoner is running a few minutes behind, so you’ve got time.”

Sam caressed Gentry’s arm. “I’ll be right back.”

Gentry smiled and followed Myra into the triage area.

It took Sam longer than she had hoped. When she got to Gentry’s room, the flag on the door was flipped to show an ultrasound was in progress. She tapped softly on the door. “Dr. Waggoner, it’s Sam. May I come in?”

“Only if you remember to call me Timber,” Dr. Waggoner said from behind the door.

The door opened enough to let Sam in but maintain Gentry’s privacy. Myra stood behind it, smiling. The baby’s heartbeat was loud through the ultrasound speakers. “Got a healthy heartbeat, Dr. LeJeune. Dr. Waggoner, is it alright if I step out to make more room?”

“Sure thing, Myra. Thanks,” Timber said. “Come on over here, Sam, and get a closer look.” She was moving the ultrasound wand over Gentry’s belly.

Sam walked to stand next to Gentry’s shoulder. She was smiling broadly and proudly at Gentry. She hadn’t in any way anticipated this reaction. She was truly beaming.

“It’s completely different when it’s your baby and not a patient’s, isn’t it?” Timber was smiling at them both. “Sam, you didn’t tell me you were going to be a mother.”

“Oh, no. I’m not,” Sam said, surprised. Her face dropped. “We aren’t together. Well, I mean,” Sam looked at Gentry for help but she just sat there speechless staring at the monitor, “we aren’t together like that. We’re…we’re just friends.”

Timber shook her head. “Ah, I see. And a father?”

“No,” Gentry said quietly.

Timber placed the wand on the ultrasound cart, wiped the remaining gel from Gentry’s belly, and pulled a stool up next to the exam table to sit down. “Ms. Bell, would you like to talk about the options available to you for this pregnancy? Here at Seasons, we can offer you different options. When I built this practice, I knew I wanted to offer all aspects of healthcare for women’s health, including those related to planned parenthood, such as: abortion, which we are able to do here and can still offer to you; adoption, which we can also assist in as we are affiliated with an adoption agency designed to make adoption affordable; or full-term delivery at MDI Hospital. The choice of what is right for you is yours and yours alone.”

For the first time, Gentry took her eyes from the monitor to look at Timber. “I know I don’t want an abortion. I considered it at first. For a long time really,” she said flatly. “For some reason, I got pregnant. I’m not sure why but I did. I feel like I need to see it through. How long do I have until I need to decide about adoption?”

Timber patted Gentry’s hand. “As long as you want and need.” She stood up and pushed the stool back under the counter. “Well, ladies, that’s it for today. Ms. Bell, Myra will make you a follow-up appointment when you check out. Sam, I’ll see you next week when I get back.” She smiled. “It’s been too long since I’ve had a few days off. So nice to have you on board with us.”

“Thanks, Timber. It’s nice to be here.”

Sam pulled the picnic basket and hiking pack from the back of her SUV. “Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?” Gentry asked. She hadn’t said much on the drive from the clinic.

Sam held up the basket. “A picnic adventure.” She had not anticipated Gentry’s reaction to the ultrasound. She was thankful she had planned to take her over to the island today. She led Gentry out of the parking lot of the condominiums. “It’s low tide for another six hours. We better get a move on if we don’t want to get trapped.”

“Okay,” Gentry said hesitantly. She pointed to Sam’s Xterra. “I don’t think you can park here. It’s for residents only.” She pointed to the sign.

“Just so happens I’m one,” Sam said as she walked backward. “This is where I live. Nice, huh?”

Gentry looked around the complex. “Very.”

“I’ll show you my place when we get back. Right now, I need you to come on.”

Sam led Gentry down a street alley that turned from old asphalt to a stretch of sand bar. Barnacle-covered rocks peppered each side of the sand. It was wide enough for a two-lane road.

“I haven’t been brave enough to drive over it yet,” Sam said as she stepped out of the way of a slow-moving car. I don’t want to be the one whose car goes floating away when the tide comes up. But I’ve made a few walking trips after work.” Sam pulled out the tide schedule and looked at her watch. “I found a great spot I want to take you to.”

“Okay.” She followed Sam along the sand until they had nearly reached the lush greenery of the island before them. She stopped when she heard the sound of the baby’s heartbeat in the waves of the surf upon the sand. She walked to the edge of the water and stared out at the sailboats in the harbor. She focused on the bell of the dingy as it rang off in the distance. She squinted in the brightness of the sun and thought of the radiance in Sam’s smile when she saw the ultrasound.

“Hey.” Sam had walked up next to her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sure. It’s pretty out here. I love the sailboats.” Gentry hoped her deflection was convincing.

“I do too. This is actually my view from my balcony.”

“It sounds like you found a great place.”

“I did.” She nudged Gentry. “I had to find something half as good as Big Blue.”

“What happens when the tide comes in?”

Sam laughed. “You’re stuck for eight hours or you call a water taxi for fifty bucks. Please don’t ask me how I know that.” She reached down to hold Gentry’s hand. She tugged her back on task.

“Deal.” Gentry squeezed her hand as they entered the island. “I could think of worse places to be stuck.”

Thirty minutes later, Sam maneuvered the rocks between a clearing and proudly displayed the coast behind her. “Isn’t it beautiful?” She set the basket down and began unpacking it to pull out an assortment of cheeses, fruits, and nuts.

“It’s gorgeous.” Gentry sat on a rock next to her and took off her shoes to put her feet in the water. “Oh my God and very, very cold.”

“Ha! Yeah, that’s why I didn’t tell you to bring your swimsuit.”

They sat quietly as the water lapped at their feet. Sam stretched her legs out in front of her and covered her eyes as she held her face to the sky. The warmth of the sun, the smell of the salt air, and the cool water at her feet felt absolutely perfect.

“So, you found this place?”

“I did.” Sam smiled but kept her face toward the sun.

“I’m impressed. Look at you, Ms. Outdoor Adventurer.”

Sam opened one eye to Gentry. “I had a good teacher.”

“Thank you for today. For all of it. This,” Gentry said softly, “and the appointment.”

Sam sat up straight. “You’re welcome. Thank you for letting me.” She popped a grape in her mouth and studied Gentry who picked at a piece of Gouda. “Do you know what you’re going to do?”

Gentry took in a deep breath and let it out. “I can’t be a mother, Sam. I don’t want to be a mother. I’ve never wanted it. Even if I did, it wouldn’t be fair to a child. I don’t want to be in one place too long. That’s why I was thrilled to get on with the National Park Service. Hopefully, I can transfer as much as possible.”

“You could take a baby with you.”

“But I don’t want to. You’re not listening. It’s me. It’s not the baby.” Gentry rubbed her belly. “I can appreciate the life inside of me. Appreciate that a little soul is developing from my genes. I will take the best care I can of my body until it’s born but beyond that, I want nothing more than to make sure it has a good home. A home where it’s loved and cared for. I can give it that. I can’t give it anything else.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

Sam squinted in the sun. “Not really. But it’s not for me to understand. It’s not my decision. It’s yours. I’ll support you whatever you decide.”

“Do you want kids?”

The thought of having children made Sam smile. A smile she didn’t try to hide. “I do.”

“See? That right there. That’s the smile you had when you walked into the room during the ultrasound. You’re beaming just thinking about kids. I bet you’ll make a great mom.”

“Maybe one day.”

“Friends with extracurricular activities are the best,” Gentry said against Sam’s neck as she snuggled in next to her. She laid her palm to rest on Sam’s breast under the blanket.

“Mmmm hmmm,” Sam murmured as she tried to catch her breath. The energy in which Gentry initiated and dominated their sexual escapades always seemed to wipe her out. She felt Gentry’s full nudity next to her when she wrapped her leg over the top of Sam’s. Each time there seemed to be something new that Gentry gave her. Tonight, she had let Sam take in and explore her full body without any hindrance of clothing. “Me too,” Sam said quietly as she nuzzled her nose in Gentry’s hair. She reached underneath the blanket and pulled Gentry’s leg across her more.

“I’m going to miss you next week while I’m gone.” Sam wet her lips. “Can I call you?”

Gentry gave a small snort of a laugh.

“What?”

“We just had sex and now you’re asking if you can call me after?”

Sam laughed too and playfully pinched Gentry’s arm. “You know what I mean.”

Gentry thought of the last two weeks since Sam had found her own place. She wasn’t looking forward to her being completely away. She began to rub Sam’s breast not in a means of turning her on but more in a soft embrace. “I guess you could call me sometime.”

Sam bit her bottom lip. “Mmmm. Well, since you’re putting it that way, I suppose I will.”

She felt Sam’s nipple harden. “You’ve got a great body. Do you know that? And the way it responds to me is such a turn on.” She took the skin of Sam’s neck gently between her teeth.

Sam moaned and moved her neck to give Gentry more to explore. “Gentry, I have to tell you something.”

“Yes,” Gentry mumbled as she nimbly trailed her tongue up Sam’s neck.

“I have to say you’re like my bestest friend eva’.” Sam thought of Gentry’s body laid across the pallet she had made of blankets on the floor at the base of her floor-to-ceiling windows. What better vision to share with the view overlooking the bay. She took Gentry in another kiss, moved her hand up the back of her leg and around her hip to enter her for round two.

Gentry moaned in her mouth.

Chapter 16

Sam walked down the crowded terminal of the Atlanta International Airport. She fell in line with a group of others headed to baggage claim. At the end of the terminal, she saw a crowd of people gathered to meet them. In the midst of them, she saw her mother, Quinn, standing against the barrier rope. She wasn’t jumping up and down or flailing her arms about in the air as most of the others were doing. She simply stood there. Periodically, she would stand up on her toes to try to see over the heads in front of her. Sam watched her as she neared. To the rest of the airport, Quinn probably looked as if she was a movie star waiting for her entourage to show. Never did Sam see her in casual attire like jeans or anything she would deem comfortable. Today was not any different. She wore a thin, white blouse buttoned low below her chest with a white camisole visible underneath and black dress pants with wide legs. For years, she kept her hair colored to the naturally light blonde it was but as Sam got closer, she realized at some point she had stop coloring her hair. The slump to her shoulders was also a new addition.

“Thanks for coming,” Quinn said as she pulled her car out onto the interstate exit from the airport. “I can’t believe I’m the mother who needs her daughter to come save her.”

“I can’t believe you came to get me at the airport. You hate this place. I figured you would send a car.”

“I haven’t been using the car service since I left him.” Quinn sped along the interstate as she weaved in and out of the four-lane traffic. You would’ve thought she had driven in Atlanta traffic all of her life the way she maneuvered the car in between others. “I don’t want him to have another thing to gripe about.”

“I get that, but you have to know you aren’t going to have to worry about money, right, Mom?”

“He says I won’t get a penny.”

“He can keep dreaming.” Sam adjusted the car vent to blow more air in her direction. She hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet and she was already missing the cooler temperatures of Maine. “Actually, you’ll probably have even more than you did when you were with his tight ass. Mom, he made you live as if you had this strict budget unless it was something he deemed his money should be spent on. It’s always been half yours. Soon, it will be half yours to do with whatever the hell you want to do with. Plus, he’ll have to pay you alimony until you get married again.”

“Fuck that,” Quinn yelled.

Sam flinched in her seat and jerked her head to her swearing mother.

“I’ll never get married again. Ever. Men are pigs.”

“Not all men. Just the one you married.”

“Says the lesbian.”

“I’m not a lesbian because I hate men. I just prefer women.” Sam ran her knuckle down the window of the glass. “Women can break your heart equally as bad as men.”

“I know they can.” Quinn put her hand on Sam’s lap as she pulled into valet parking at the Ritz-Carlton in Buckhead. “I’ve thought of you and what you went through this whole time. I wasn’t there for you. Not at all.” She stifled back a sniffle and daintily dotted the corners of her eyes. “Here you are. One phone call from me and you come running. I should’ve been the same for you. I’ll be better for you next time.”

“Fuck that.” Sam gave her mother a sideways smile with her mocking. “I’ll never fall in love like that again. Women are heartbreakers.”

Quinn smiled too. She stepped out of the car, handed the valet a folded bill, and instructed him to have the bags taken to her room. She looped her hand in the crook of Sam’s arm. “We’re meeting the realtor at a little sushi place around the corner.” She looked at her watch. “If we go now, we can visit before she arrives.”

Cars whizzed by the women as they walked down the crowded sidewalk. Sam could feel the smell of exhaust fumes collecting on her body. Her clothes would smell for the rest of the day. A car horn followed by screams of road rage startled her. “I can’t believe I thought I actually missed all of this,” Sam said as a man walking by bumped into her arm. “That I wanted to live in all of this.”

Quinn pulled the door open into the small corner diner. “You don’t now?”

Sam shook her head assuredly. “No. I honestly don’t.”

“Thank goodness I called for reservations,” Quinn said as she sat down at their table. She waved off the menu politely as she already knew her order.

Sam followed. “I’ll have whatever she’s having.” A headache was starting to build, no doubt from the noise and congestion of the street. She rubbed her temples.

“Are you alright, dear?”

“I’ll be fine. Just forgot how noisy it is.” Sam smiled. “Guess I’m not much of a city girl anymore.”

“You may not be but whatever you’re doing, it’s working. You look fabulous. Maine definitely agrees with you.” She took a swallow of her freshly poured ice water. “Not many can wear cargo pants with style.”

Sam pinched the pocket of her pants and stretched them away from the side of the leg. “I don’t have a ton of clothes anymore. Even if I did, I’d still wear these things because they’re so comfortable when I hike.” She shrugged. “I thought they’d be good for the flight.” Sam drank half of her glass of water.

“I’m sorry, did you say when you hike?”

Sam smiled broadly. An image of Gentry climbing the rock in front of her flashed. “I did.”

“Indeed, you may not be a city girl anymore after all.” Quinn placed their orders and leaned over the table to speak softer to Sam. “We can go to the house to get some of your old clothes from your room if you like. Your father is out of town.”

Sam leaned in too and said softly, “No, I’m good.”

Quinn straightened back upright in her seat. She cocked an eyebrow at Sam. “I see that. Tell me about this new clinic you’re at.”

“Oh, Mom, I’m really enjoying it. If you would’ve told me two years ago that I would be working in a small-town clinic, I wouldn’t have believed you. If you would’ve told me I’d be the happiest I’ve been working there, I would’ve probably had you committed.”

“Hold that thought, dear. You may still before all of this is over.”

Sam laughed. “Not even.”

Quinn played with the straw in her glass. “Keep going.”

“It’s a practice owned by Timber Waggoner. She was born and raised in Bar Harbor. Total opposite of me. I don’t think she ever wanted to practice anywhere but back home. She’s like this tiny little badass but sweet, you know?”

“I may know something about that.” Quinn winked at Sam who shook her head.

“I’m not tiny.” She gave her mother a sly grin. “Or a badass. Not anymore,” she said softer.

“You’ll get it back.”

“Will you? I’m not the one with a prison record here.”

Quinn threw her napkin at Sam. “You stop that right now.”

“Stopping.” Sam raised her arms in defeat. “Timber is pretty cool though, Mom. She’s got her own practice and is a board member of the local hospital. It’s because of her that the hospital is equipped to do C-sections and even some small surgeries. Plus, she’s like a lobster fisherwoman on the side. They give out like two hundred fishing licenses or something like that. She’s carried one since she was eight years old. Even through medical school. It’s impossible, right? Well, not for her, apparently,” Sam answered her own question in her excitement to talk about her new coworker. “I think you’d like her.”

“Maybe I’ll get to meet her one day.” Quinn looked at her watch again.

“Are you nervous?”

Quinn frowned. “I am. I’ve not lived on my own for thirty-five years. I don’t know if it will be refreshing like what my daughter has found in Maine or if it’s going to be devastating.”

“I’m going for the first. Mom, you’ve lived under his thumb and have been shit on for most, if not all of your marriage. Look at you.” Sam motioned toward Quinn. “You’re gorgeous. Geez, you look like Helen Mirren for Pete’s sake. If you ask me, he married up and now it’s your time to see that.”

Quinn ran her hand along her bangs that had been left to let the gray show. “You really think so?”

“Hell yes. You could be her twin. Gentry and I just watched this movie, Calendar Girls, that she was in. The whole time I was thinking how much you reminded me of her. I even told Gentry.”

“I’ve heard about your new doctor friend. Now, tell me about her. I feel like I’m finally getting to know your life.” Quinn smiled. It was a smile riddled with the nervous anticipation that swirled within her but it was still a smile.

“She’s pretty great, Mom. She’s strong, determined, ambitious with sweet, compassionate undertones. This bus she renovated is amazing. It’s like her own little beach house in the middle of the cliffs and trees of Maine. She’s kind of girly for someone who can and did all of that.”

“She sounds like a wonderful young lady.”

Sam smiled. “She is.” She straightened her napkin in her lap and thought about what to say next. Telling Gentry’s past was never a question in Sam’s mind. Gentry’s past was hers to tell and no one else’s. The baby was another story altogether. “She’s pregnant.”

“Oh, Samantha, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Honey, you’re already having a baby? You’ve only been with this woman for a very short time. When you moved off with her, I thought it was because of that last woman you were with. But now you’re telling me you’re starting a family. It’s too soon. Too fast. It wasn’t so long ago you were set on never being in a relationship. Now a baby?”

Sam swallowed her building frustration before it became anger. “You’re jumping to conclusions. I’m not having a baby with her. We aren’t together like that. Not like that. She was pregnant when I met her.”

“I’m sorry, dear. The way you talked of her I did assume you two were a couple.”

“We aren’t. We’re just…friends.” With those words, the picture of Gentry biting her bottom lip as she was straddled across her lap with sweat beading at the base of her neck zipped across her mind. She shook it free for fear of letting the thought flush her face.

“And the baby?”

Sam took a swallow of water. “I don’t know. She hasn’t decided what she’s going to do yet.” Sam’s phone began to ring. Seeing Gentry’s name made her smile all over. “Excuse me, Mom. I need to take this.”

“Sure. Glad you straightened out you two weren’t together because with a smile like that, I may have misunderstood your relationship.”

Sam pointed at her mother and stood to walk outside. “Stop that,” she said before answering the phone. “Hey, you.”

“Hi. Sorry if I’m bothering you. I wanted to make sure you made it safely.”

Sam pushed open the café door. “No bother at all. I’m glad you called.” She motioned to the outdoor waitress if she could sit at the empty patio table alongside the building. “We’re waiting for Mom’s realtor to join us for lunch.”

“What are you having?”

Sam hesitated. “Ummm. Sushi.”

Gentry let out a slow, very deliberate growl. “I miss sushi so bad.”

Sam tried not to laugh. “I know. I almost didn’t tell you, so you wouldn’t be reminded. What are you doing?”

“I’m taking a break.” Gentry sat down on the rocky cliff next to the blue line she had freshly painted.

“From?”

“I’ve been assigned to repaint the trail markers on Great Head Trail. How cool is it that the markers are blue?”

“Way cool.”

“Exactly what I thought. Here, listen?” Gentry held her phone in the air. “Can you hear it?”

Faintly, in the distance, Sam could hear the dinging of the buoy. She put her finger in her opposite ear to buffer the traffic noise.

“The buoy is really loud right here in this clearing.” Gentry shrugged. “Anyway, it made me think of you when I heard it. I swear you rented that condo just because it was so close to a buoy.” She remembered Sam leaving the patio doors open so she could hear it as they slept.

“I totally did.” Sam smiled as she ran her finger along the red brick of the building.

“How’s it there?”

Sam felt the air rush past her as a car sped along the alley of the café. “Crowded. Loud. I don’t know how I ever enjoyed sitting out here for meals before. I swear I can taste the exhaust fumes.”

Gentry took in a full breath of the salty air. “Perspectives. But I kind of meant your mom. How’s she holding up?”

“Oh, sorry. She looks tired. Defeated. Scared.”

“It’s a scary thing to take out on your own.”

“As if.”

“As if what?” Gentry dug in her pack to pull out a snack.

“You were ever scared of being on your own.”

Gentry snorted. “You met me afterward. I was a scared, nervous woman when I first left Brennin.”

“Brennin? Did you just say Brennin?”

Gentry closed her eyes. Immediately, she felt regret for letting that slip out on the phone while Sam was away. She had meant to tell her at some point she was from there. Sometimes the universal signs can be overpowering. So, she waited. Certainly, she had meant for better timing than this. “Yes,” she said flatly when she finally answered.

“Like Brennin where Rayne’s from Brennin?”

“Yes.”

“Do you…I mean, did you know her?”

Gentry sighed. “Yes.”

Sam noticed a woman walking up to the sidewalk with a realtor’s badge on and a handbag-like briefcase. “I need to go. I think I see the realtor coming. I’ll call you later.”

“Sam, wait.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“You being sad or mad or whatever you’re feeling right now will never be fine with me.” Gentry tucked her leg underneath her. “It’s hard for me to share my past. I’ve never told anyone as much as I’ve told you. Yes, I know Rayne. Please believe I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. She’s part of the past I’ve not shared with you yet. But I want to. I’m very sorry if I hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me. I’m okay.” Sam stopped before walking into the noisy café. “Hey, Gentry?” She didn’t want to feel upset with Gentry. Lord knows the woman has enough already that could drain the light from her. Sam didn’t want to be another to add to it.

“Yes,” she quietly responded.

“I’m glad you’ve shared your past with me.”

“I feel safe with you.”

“You are.”

Chapter 17

“TUCKER,” Sam yelled loudly over the crowd of women.

“What the fuck?” Tucker ducked under the bar and sprinted toward Sam. She quickly wrapped her in her arms and picked Sam up off her feet. “I don’t believe you’re here!” She set her back down.

Sam grabbed Tucker’s exposed bicep. “What the hell are you lifting these days? A freaking tank or something?”

Tucker smiled broadly. “Something like that.”

Sam shook her head. “Damn, girl, you’re cut.” She took a step back and ran her eyes over Tucker’s body. Her broad shoulders bulged from her tight black tank.

Tucker put her hands on the waistband of her camouflaged pants. “Yeah, well, I was bored when you left so I had to find something to do with my time.”

Sam laughed loudly. “I’m sure the ladies like it.”

“Nah. They’re all still pining for you.”

“Ha!” Sam slapped her arm and then immediately began to rub the sting from her palm. “Don’t give me that shit. They hardly looked around you to see me standing behind you. And now, girl, they won’t be able to look around you.” Sam pretended to have difficulty peering around Tucker.

“You’re so damn crazy. Come on. Come talk to me before the music starts. ‘Cause when it does, I won’t be able to hear shit. I’ll buy ya a drink.”

“You expecting more than this tonight?” Sam maneuvered herself through the women gathered at the bar.

“Hell yes. The lezzies will be insane tonight. Mo’s back for one night and one night only. If you book her, they will come.”

Sam stopped dead fast and turned to walk away.

Tucker grabbed her arm. “Hold up, sister. Don’t be like that.”

“Tuck, I’m not in the mood at all to see her. I’ve got absolutely no filter nor any patience for her.”

“Don’t think I remember you having much of either one of those before where she was concerned.” Tucker pulled her arm to guide her closer to the bar. “Come on. I’ve not seen you in what, two years? You owe me a drink,” she yelled over her shoulder.

Sam dragged her feet behind. “I thought you said you were buying.”

“I am.”

“In that case, make it a double.”

“Hold up one second. Sit here. Let me get my buddy over there to catch the bar so we can talk for a minute.” Tucker pointed to an empty stool for Sam. “What ya drinking these days?”

“Basically alcohol. Any and all kinds. Tonight, let’s do a rum and coke.” Sam sat on the stool against the wall of the far corner of the bar. This would be a good spot for the night. It was secluded and hidden enough not to be noticed. She didn’t want to see anyone from her past, especially Mo. “Of all nights, why does she have to be here tonight? I tell you, Tuck, I’m so over this visit.”

“Hey!” Tuck dumped several ice cubes into a drinking glass. “I take offense to that.”

Sam pinched the bridge of her nose. “Girl, I’m sorry. Of course I’m happy to see you. I came here the first chance I got. Skeletons, you know? I’ve got too many of them that keep trying to pull me back into a past I’m desperately trying to forget.”

Tuck set Sam’s drink in front of her. “Here’s to forgetting. This should help with that.” She tapped the lip of it with the bottom of her beer glass. “So, what’s new with you? Where you been hiding these days?”

“Lately? I’ve been in Maine.”

“Are you shitting me?”

“I shit you not.” Sam took a sip of her drink and smiled at her friend who apparently knew she needed it heavy on the rum. She winked over the top of her glass. “I’m practicing OB in a little clinic up there.”

“A clinic? What happened to the badass surgeon who used to come in here telling me about all the blood and guts? I ain’t that good in my geography but I’m not thinking Maine has any booming metropolis cities. Thought you would never end up in a place like that, much less a clinic.”

“You and me both. Yet here I am.” Sam held her hands in the air.

“Do you like it?”

Sam smiled with thoughts of Gentry, her budding belly, and the warm welcome she received at Seasons. “Yes, I do.” She looked up at Tucker shyly. “A lot, actually.”

Tucker slapped Sam’s arm. “Oh hell, I know that look. Who is she?”

“Get out of here with that. You don’t know anything.”

“The fuck I don’t. You’ve got that shit-eating grin on your face. Only one thing puts that look on you and it’s a new girl. Who’s the fresh meat?”

Sam took a swallow of her drink. She twirled the glass on top of the bar and thought about the woman for whom Tucker was referring. She didn’t know her anymore. So much had changed from the days of when she frequented the bar. “It’s not like that. I’m not like that anymore.”

“Seems that’s going around.” Tucker leaned in closer as it was starting to get harder to understand what Sam was saying. She looked out over the growing crowd of women. “Caught up with Mo earlier when she came in to do a sound check. She says she’s changing too. Done found her someone she’s got her eye on. Acting like she may settle down a bit.”

“If she said that, you know it’s a damn lie. Everything out of her mouth is a lie. She manipulates, Tuck, and you know it. She finds their weakness and attacks.”

“When you gonna let that shit go, Sam? How many years has that been? Look at you. You’re a freaking doctor now. Ain’t it time?”

“It wasn’t one girl or one instance. She went after every single woman she ever saw me with.” Sam tapped her finger on the bar. “Every. Single. One.”

“Don’t you think you’re exaggerating?”

“Nope. Not one bit. It got so bad that I couldn’t even dance with a woman without her spinning her way in between us. It was fucking ridiculous is what it was.” Sam was starting to get angry. She downed the last of her drink, determined she was about to leave.

Tuck picked up her empty glass. “You know why she did that, don’t you?”

“Yep. Because she’s a manipulating, jealous, lying little bitch.”

Tucker tilted her head to Sam and pointed at her. “For a doc, you ain’t the brightest.” She stepped to the side to fill Sam’s glass with another rum and coke. “She looked up to you. She wanted to be like you. She did everything she could to try to get you to notice her.”

“Oh, I noticed, alright. Saw right through her, unlike any of y’all. Remember, I was the one they would come running back to after they realized they had been used by her. I may have dated around but I never used lies to get them into bed with me. I didn’t have to.” Sam took a swallow of her drink. “I think I’m the only pants around here she didn’t get in.”

Tucker put both of her hands in the pockets of her pants and smiled an impish smile. “Too bad, honey, because it was one damn crazy ride.” Tucker laughed loudly.

“You’re not right,” Sam yelled. She turned around on her stool to see why all of a sudden it seemed louder. A woman trying to find her place along the side of the dance floor bumped into her. She looked at Sam as if she saw right through her. Immediately, she turned back around. She craned her neck to see the deejay’s booth.

Tucker slapped her hand on the bar. “Hold on to your panties. Show’s about to start.”

The lights dimmed to black as the masses of voices quieted. The music of a single violin began to play above the crowd. Sam could hear the strings as clear as if she was sitting right next to the violinist. She looked up at the speaker above her head. The notes streaming from it were a torturous song of shyness seduced by pain and sadness. She had been reminded of the woman she once was—of how she had viewed other women she dated. She didn’t like it. Thankful she had been changing, she tried to think of Mo in the way Tucker had described her. She wondered if maybe she had misunderstood her all those years ago.

Tucker put her hand on Sam’s shoulder. “I’ll be back. Gotta help get some drinks out before there’s a riot.”

Sam patted her hand. “Sure thing. I’ll be right here.”

A soft, falling rain filled the wall-to-wall screen behind the deejay’s booth. The violin’s scream became stronger, confident, and powerful as the raindrops strengthened into a storm. A flash of lightning erupted across the wall. The lights above the dance floor flashed brightly as if the lightning had actually been in the room. The strings of the violin changed from sounds of an orchestra to a synthesized, electric beat. Sam felt the wall beneath the speaker vibrate with each thump of the bass. The intensity of the women’s dance in front of her grew. Another flash of light and lightning.

“Can you feel it?”

Sam recognized Mo’s voice immediately. It was that drawn-out sultry voice, deep and low that she used when she deejayed. She couldn’t fight the roll of her eyes.

“Come on, ladies. I said, can you feel it?” She held the last words to linger over the sound system before they faded into a song.

The lights lit up one by one over the dance floor. Sam turned back around to take a swallow of her drink but left it sitting on the bar for fear it would be knocked out of her hand by the gyrations of the women in front of her. A keyboard’s notes teased into a slow crescendo.

“Say my name and you can dance.”

The woman who had bumped into Sam earlier screamed as loud as she could, “MO!”

Boom.

The bass exploded with one final lightning strike. The wall next to Sam shook even harder. Laser lights began to sway over the crowd of women jumping up and down on the dance floor. Strobe lights flashed until they centered on the female standing in the deejay box. The crowd screamed. Sam thought the woman in front of her would surely fall flat on her ass. Her footing was not so stable with the wild jumping up and down she was doing.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! She looks fucking amazing,” the woman screamed.

The crowd roared and sprang up and down on their feet. They all began to dance as if Mo had them under some type of trance or spell.

Mo held her hand up in the air as she danced with them to the music. She adjusted the oversized earphones until only one covered her ear. “The night is ours!” She moved her hands along the large instrument panel until the beat faded into an even faster-paced rhythmic collection of strings, keys, and beats. “Now dance your beautiful asses off.” Mo’s body flowed and became one with the music. She raised her hand in the air and swayed to the beat as the other hand deftly moved across the panel—pulling, pushing, or spinning the device to will her tunes. Her hands created their own rhythms as they moved from the panel board to adjust the headphones from her ears to her bare neck.

Sam didn’t feel the excitement or the urge to dance as the women around her apparently felt. She only saw Mo. How many times had this woman entered her life to basically screw it up? She was like static to a fall sweater. Nothing could shake her loose from Sam’s life. Even now when Sam was no longer in the scene to compete for women with her, she was still right here in front of her. She thought of Brantley, or was it Claire? Hell, she couldn’t remember her name. What she did remember was Mo spinning her way into her life to steal her away. She had that girl so twisted up in her web of lies, she couldn’t even see straight. Sam had genuinely liked her until Mo dug her claws into her. Poor girl was a mess after Mo moved on to her next conquest. A damn mess. All hopeful thoughts of Mo being a better person went right out the window. Sam picked her drink back up, raised it in the air toward the deejay’s booth, and said, “I see you, alright. I’ve always seen you.”

“Give yourselves to me tonight. Let go. I’m in control. I’ve got you,” Mo purred into her microphone.

The women shouted their submission to Mo as their bodies moved together. Heads bobbed to her cadences, toes bounced to her tempos, and hips swayed to her pulses. Sam sat still on her stool, drinking her cocktail. I’ve got you. She felt an immediate soothing to her building anger toward Mo with the sound of Gentry’s voice in her head.

The bar and dance floor were darkened except for the bright flashes of white of the strobe light. Sam looked around at the diversity of the women. Feminine. Androgynous. Casually dressed. Sporty dressed. All shapes, sizes, and races of women filled the dance floor. The lights flashed on and off to the beat. Sam tried to make out the faces to see if she recognized anyone else from her days of old. The lights flashed on again. She caught sight of a taller woman standing over those around her. What the hell is she doing here? She excitedly thought to herself as she set her drink down ready to make her way over. Recognition of another face stopped her suddenly. Rayne? Sam straightened her spine on the stool to look harder in that direction when the lights flashed back on. She darted her head around the dancing heads in front of her.

Is that really Rayne? She had grown accustomed to seeing Rayne in the faces of strangers. It wasn’t anything new to her, but this woman was a dead ringer for her. The lights flashed on again. It is her!

Tucker’s hand on her shoulder stopped Sam’s bolt out into the crowd. “You about ready for a fresh one?”

Sam nodded but didn’t take her eyes from where she had seen Rayne. Her heart pounded with nervous anticipation, her breath stolen by Rayne’s radiance. She swallowed the building waves deep in her belly. So much time had passed since she had seen her last. Maybe this was a sign? Maybe it was like Gentry had said—everything happens for a reason. This wasn’t Louisiana, nor was it Alabama. This was her home state of Georgia. A smile started to build within. Come on lights. Hurry up.

The music lowered. “Ladies. You’re killing me. You look too damn good for me to stand up here all night.” Sam looked up sharply toward Mo’s voice. Mo took her earphones off and walked down the stairs.

The woman in front of Sam bumped hard into her. “Oh my God. She’s coming.” She grabbed her friend next to her and shook her shoulders. “She’s coming this way,” she yelled. “I’m going home with her tonight. You wait and see.”

Sam rolled her eyes. She tried to find Rayne again in the crowd, but it was useless. The women were going wild as Mo maneuvered through them. Just then she saw Jazlyn swoop Mo up in her arms, lift her, and put her back down. The rolls of nervous anticipation violently turned to rolls of nausea when Sam saw Rayne and Mo looking at one another. They exchanged words with their bodies leaned in toward one another. The lean turned into a hug of a greeting held far too long.

“Who the fuck is that?” the woman in front of Sam screamed with a slightly drunken slur.

Obviously, Sam wasn’t the only one to notice the apparent attraction within their hug. The sting of tears she once believed would never stop began to resurface. The excitement of seeing Rayne’s face, of having her near again, was cascading like a waterfall back to heartache.

The music suddenly changed as another electric violin played, followed by the undeniable voice of Annie Lennox singing, “Sweet Dreams Are Made of This”. Rayne was smiling a genuine smile. The one Sam remembered she gave when she felt truly elevated. That was the one she wore as Mo shook her hair free from the newsboy cap she had been wearing. When Mo took Rayne’s hand to lead her out into the dancing crowd, it was as if she had grabbed the very core of Sam and pulled her right along with them. No matter how badly the scene before her hurt to see, she couldn’t take her eyes from them. Mo walked backward to lead Rayne further into the center of the dance floor. She rocked her hips to “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)” as she mouthed the words to Rayne. Sam’s chest tightened as Mo slowly trailed her hands down Rayne’s arms to bring her hands to her hips. With hands on each other’s hips, they swayed together. Sam’s breath caught somewhere in between an inhale and exhale when Mo pulled Rayne closer. Their hips rubbed against one another’s to the rhythm. In a much different connotation to the song’s lyrics of the world stopping, Sam wanted nothing more than for the world to stop. To just stop the unfolding of the eroticism in the dance in front of her and cease the pain of watching Mo’s hands so effortlessly accepted upon Rayne’s body. For the first time, she let her eyes close to the sheer agony of the sight before her. Her Rayne. Except she wasn’t, was she? Her Rayne had been shy to an intimate touch. Her Rayne had responded with innocence in their attraction and arousal within her own timid touch. But this? This was on display for all to see, including her. Mo slid her hand underneath Rayne’s shirt at the small of her back and nestled her thigh in between her legs as she guided their hips together in a low, tortuous movement. Sam closed her eyes to see the Rayne she remembered. The one whose blush wasn’t hidden in the light of the moon out on the dock the night of their first kiss. The tears streamed freely down her cheek. Yes, so much had changed. The woman she loved and had given her heart to was being exposed for all to see as the next conquest on Mo’s list. She felt Rayne’s skin against hers as it had been the night in the on-call room. Now, Mo knew that touch. Mo. The woman who had chased after every woman she had ever been attracted to was touching…no, violating…the woman she loved to her core in front of everyone. She had her hand inside the waistband of Rayne’s jeans manipulating her body to do what she wished it to do. Bitterness coated her tongue like acid. The song ended with the women dispersing among the crowd. She glared at Rayne as she returned to stand next to Jazlyn. She couldn’t stomach looking at Mo again. She had felt Rayne’s body next to hers. Had molded it with her will against her.

Sam shot the rest of her drink back and slammed the glass down on the bar in front of Tucker. “Oh yeah, she’s fucking changed, alright,” she yelled with venom in her voice. “You tell her if she ever crosses my path again, she’d be wise to keep walking.”

Tucker was shocked at the anger she saw in her friend. In all of the arguments between the two women, she had never witnessed Sam this angry. All she could do was nod her response.

Sam turned abruptly around on her stool and stormed through the crowd. Mo was perched like a vulture back on her post with the music and light show continuing. Sam’s resentment grew with each flash of the strobe light on Rayne’s face. She moved quickly toward her until she caught the surprise in Rayne’s expression as their eyes met. Rayne froze where she stood. Sam thought she detected a hint of a smile as she reached her. It angered her more. How dare she smile at her after practically having sex out on the dance floor with that bitch? Sam’s eyes were like daggers when she grabbed Rayne’s hand to pull her behind her. She raced toward the exit to leave all of it behind. All of those faces. All of those expressions who had seen Rayne and Mo together. She pushed open the metal door with such force that it slammed loudly behind them. As she led Rayne from the club into the alley and through the groups of women mingling outside, she realized she had no idea why she was doing it. Why was she bringing her with her and where in the hell was she taking her? She had walked nearly a block before she saw the entrance to Piedmont Park. Using muscle memory, she followed the path she used to take in medical school until she reached the park bench next to a small pond where she had spent hours studying. Thankfully, it was empty. She slowed as the tension in her body began to dissipate. She turned to face Rayne. There were no words that seemed fitting. No sentences or statements or expressions came to be shared. The warmth and softness of Rayne’s hand within hers began to further dampen the anger within her. She wasn’t ready to let the resentment go, so she released her finger’s grip from Rayne’s hand.

“No, don’t let go,” Rayne begged.

Sam bit the corner of her lip. Her Rayne stood right in front of her. The moonlight shone on the face she remembered from the dock. The lips of the kiss that had awakened her soul. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Jazlyn invited me.”

Sam stopped the roll of her eyes. She was not in a place to be blasé in their conversation. “I know the simplicity of what brought you here. I’m asking why you’re here.” She felt the sharpness in her words.

“I don’t know.”

“Figured you’d say that.” Sam saw this was going nowhere. She briskly pulled her hand from Rayne’s and turned to walk away.

“No, goddamnit, don’t you walk away from me.”

Sam’s spine stiffened. She hadn’t remembered Rayne’s voice with such assertiveness in it before. Neither had that particular profanity ever crossed her lips. She had no right to be angry with her. She wasn’t the one who was nearly fucking some bitch out on the dance floor. The fire of her anger returned from the smoldering ashes Rayne’s eyes had left. She turned to Rayne without hiding what she was feeling toward her. “Tell me one good reason why I should stay?” The tone of her voice was equal with her expression.

“Because I die a little every single time you walk away from me. And honestly, I’m not real sure how much of me is still alive at this point.”

Sam heard her words for the brief moment they passed over her. But she wouldn’t own them. She wouldn’t let them in as if they were truth. They were a trap. They were a means of igniting old feelings. Mo’s hands on Rayne’s body flashed in her mind. “You looked pretty alive a few minutes ago.” She just wanted to leave. She regretted letting Rayne see her or know she was there, much less bringing her along with her out here.

“Sam, please. Please don’t go. For some reason, you found me in that club tonight. For some reason, in the mass of all of those women, you saw me. Can’t we at least just acknowledge that?”

“We can acknowledge that I would’ve never imagined you’d dance like that with a woman. You’ve gone from not knowing who you wanted to be to practically making out with her in front of everyone. And with her. After everything, you get with someone like her.”

“I didn’t get with anyone. I’m not with Mo. We’re just friends.”

“That dance was anything but friendly.” Sam couldn’t look at Rayne any longer without envisioning Mo’s hands on her body. She shifted her weight onto one leg and looked away. “Whatever. What does it matter to me now, anyway?”

“Don’t be like that, Sam. We’re just friends. Please, let’s sit down and talk.”

Exhausted from it all, Sam brushed the overgrown shrubbery off the back of the bench and sat down. “I really don’t think there’s much to say.” She had grown so tired of the pain from others—the heartache she had felt at the hands of Rayne many times now, the pain of watching her mother broken and needing her, and the pain of a taste of betrayal by Gentry. She had not told Sam of them knowing one another and for that, Sam felt for the first time she had been untruthful with her. After all, an omission is a lie.

“Can we try?” Rayne sat beside her and took her hand. Sam didn’t resist her touch or pull away her hand.

She watched as Rayne sat silent, studying the fingernail moon above them. Initially, her body flinched as Rayne began to stroke her hand; but then, she let herself feel the touch of Rayne again. She looked down to watch Rayne’s thumb slowly slide around the tip of each finger. She was incredibly gentle with her touch. It was a gentleness she had not been given since last Rayne held her in some way. Sam had found herself over the months trying to determine what exactly it was about Rayne that had made her fall so exquisitely into her. Yes, true, she had many personality qualities that led Sam to her. Yet as she continued to lightly stroke Sam’s hand, she realized it was her tenderness upon all else that hooked her so deeply. The tenderness in the way she held her with her eyes or touched her skin with hers was unmatched to any she knew. Sam softened with the recollection that at no point had she seen that tenderness on the dance floor with Mo.

Rayne looked up and over her shoulder toward the rolling hills of the small park. “The noises.” She waved her hand. “Reminds me of being back home on the bayou with you.”

Until then, Sam hadn’t noticed the street noise being drowned out by the call of the insects. She looked up and around the park as she thought about the night on the dock with Rayne. “Yeah, but they sound different.” When she looked back at Rayne, the moonlight had caught the charms hanging at her neck to make them sparkle in its light. She was overwhelmed with the feeling of Rayne’s hand upon hers and the proximity of the woman who had sat next to her on the bayou’s dock. She swallowed hard. Since the engagement party, she hadn’t let herself think of the charm any longer. Gentry had asked her of the little white box, but she hadn’t talked of the charm. The last she thought of it was when she saw Rayne touch it at their goodbye. A part of her wished she would wear it daily as she had done the cross Memaw had given her. Seeing it at the base of her neck was physical proof that she, too, thought of Sam. She wondered how often in a day her hands found the cicada charm. Cicadas.

“The cicadas don’t sound the same here,” Sam said flatly.

“I think those are katydids.”

“Katy dids?”

“There are a thousand different species of them. They say they’re named because they sound as if they’re saying ‘Katy-did.’” There was a nervousness to Rayne’s words. It was as if she couldn’t get them out fast enough for fear Sam would become frustrated with her rambling and yet again get up to leave. “Meems would tell me…” With the mention of Memaw’s name, Rayne’s eyes saddened. She took them from Sam and looked out at the small pond at their feet. Reflexively, Sam squeezed her hand. She didn’t know why. It was a natural response to seeing the sadness darken the green of Rayne’s eyes.

“One of the folklore stories is that there was a woman named Katy who was madly in love with this man. But he left her to marry another.” With those words, Sam loosened her grip on Rayne’s hand. Rayne continued her story but with a quieted tone to her voice. “They were found dead in their honeymoon bed the morning after they’d married. It was said they were poisoned but no one saw the crime. Well, no person saw the crime. They say the bugs saw what happened as they had been watching from the window. On hot summer nights, it’s said they shout from the trees to tell us who committed the crime. ‘Katy-did, Katy-did.’”

Sam stopped a smile that tried to curl the corners of her lips. “I should’ve known you’d have a story about them.”

Rayne shrugged. “Guess I’m weird like that.”

Sam had never considered Rayne weird. Different? Yes, but in a very good way. “Not weird. Different.” She faced the park. “So really, what are you doing here?” she asked much softer this time, as she truly wanted to know what had been happening in Rayne’s life to lead her here.

“Jazlyn invited me. Violet had to take call this weekend, so she asked me to come with her.”

The universal signs Gentry spoke of seemed to be keeping Sam and Rayne’s life intertwined. Sam turned to look across the park. It seemed unimaginable that Rayne had become friends with the two people Sam considered to be her truest of friends. “And how’d you two become friends?”

“I met her when I went to the Pineapple Post.”

Sam snapped her head back toward Rayne. “Why were you there? Why did you even go there?”

“I overheard Kylie talking about it.”

“Oh? And what? You hear the Queen Lesbian Conqueror talking about a lesbian bar and you just had to go? Please tell me you didn’t get with her after I left.” As if a snap of a finger, Sam’s anger sparked by an ignitable jealousy returned.

“Why do you say that? Why do you keep assuming I’ve been with another woman?”

“I do believe lesbian bars are filled with lesbians. Why else go unless you’re looking for one?”

“I wasn’t looking for another woman when I went.” Rayne’s voice was filled with frustration. She looked down at the bench. “I was looking for myself.”

“It didn’t look that way to me. Looked like you were trying to sew some wild oats before the big wedding day. You were nearly making out with Mo on the dance floor. Geez, Rayne, why don’t you try to have some decorum and keep your little lesbian trysts discrete?” Sam’s words were overflowing with the jealousy that filled her. She couldn’t shake the image of Mo’s hands all over Rayne. Every single time it became present, it gave fresh momentum to her growing bitterness.

Rayne swallowed hard enough to be heard. She stared into the tiny moon’s reflection as it glowed a skinny line of sparkle across the small pond. She didn’t speak for several minutes. Sam watched as Rayne tried to regain composure. Regretful for her tone, sorrowful for the feelings she had expressed, Sam released her grip even more upon Rayne’s hand. This time, Rayne didn’t fight it. She let their embrace fade until they hardly held hands any longer.

“It’s not like that,” she finally said.

They sat in the immediate comfort of their silence. Rayne bent her knee between them to rest it on the bench. She turned to Sam. “Sam, I don’t know what all of this means. Why I’m here. I see these women being together so openly and yeah, it makes me know there is something beyond what I’ve always been taught it would be like. I understand why Jazlyn wanted me to come, but it doesn’t change what I feel.”

Rayne kept her eyes focused on anything but Sam and did everything she could not to make eye contact. Instinctively, Sam knew Rayne was hiding the emotions within her eyes. If she looked directly at her, everything she was trying to find the right words for would be freely shown. Sam began to feel uncomfortable as Rayne stared at her body. She felt her shirt hanging off of her shoulders and chest. She hadn’t noticed her weight loss until she tried on her once favorite shirt and jeans. The belt she used to tighten her jeans dug into the skin below her belly button. She shifted her position on the bench and brushed a strand of hair away from her eyelashes. The shortened length from her recent haircut by Gentry didn’t stay tucked behind her ear. In the continued silence from Rayne, Sam’s thoughts floated toward the night when Gentry cut her hair. Quickly, they flowed past their escapade on the couch to the sound of Gentry’s voice in the tent as she told her of the scars left on both her body and her soul. She looked at the small pond and remembered watching Gentry for what seemed hours as she stood at the water’s edge.

“It doesn’t change that it’s still only you,” Rayne said softly.

Caught somewhere else and with surprise to her words, Sam’s mouth fell open. This time, she let Rayne’s words fall over her. Could she say the same? Could she confess it was still only Rayne? The arch of her lips held the surprise and perhaps guilt in how easily she had drifted to think of Gentry.

“Among all of these women, it’s still only you.” Rayne picked up Sam’s hand and rubbed the back of it lightly across her face. Sam felt the tip of Rayne’s tongue as she brought it to her parted lips. The sensation sent a swarm of butterflies through her as Rayne searched her eyes. Rayne reached up, ran her thumb across Sam’s jawline, and continued along the side of her neck. Sam felt her fingers flow through her hair before her hand trailed along the back of her neck. Her eyes softened within Rayne’s touch. She gave in to the urging of Rayne’s hands to pull her closer to her lips. She felt Rayne’s breath upon her lips and watched as she closed her eyes to their proximity. Rayne’s heart beat fast and hard against Sam’s chest as her whole body hummed with the missing of Rayne’s lips. The softness of them against her own. Desperation to the point of sheer ache filled her with the hopes of feeling them again. This was followed quickly by another form of ache. Heartache. She felt the pain of the loss of her kiss deep within her. She had missed the softness of her lips and how her kiss had made her feel more alive than she had ever felt before. Suddenly, she began to fear the reliving of both the heaven and hell of kissing Rayne. She stopped the touch of their lips by placing her finger upon Rayne’s lips.

Sam let her forehead fall against Rayne’s. “I can’t,” she whispered.

“Why?” Rayne peppered Sam’s finger with kisses of urgency for more.

Sam dropped her finger from Rayne’s lips and inhaled deeply. “I barely survived our last kiss, Stormy. I dare not tempt fate and try again.”

“I’m so in love with you that I can’t breathe when you’re near me.” Rayne’s breath was warm against Sam as she pleaded and tried to pull her closer.

Sam scooted away from her and reached up to grab Rayne’s hand that she had resting on the back of the bench. She pulled it up into the air between them. “And this?” She tapped the ring on Rayne’s left finger. The ring that signified the end of their once hopeful relationship. It was the physical evidence to one of the insurmountable obstacles that had kept the two women apart.

Rayne’s facial expression began to change. Her eyebrows furrowed and her lips tightened. Sam noticed the clinch in Rayne’s jaw as her eyes narrowed to focus on the ring upon her finger. Her hand closed in a fist to whiten the skin over her knuckles. It held a forceful tremor with the tension in her arm.

“Aren’t you engaged to Grant?”

“Sam…don’t. Don’t bring that up right now.” Rayne’s voice held anger within it.

“Why not, Rayne?”

“Because,” Rayne paused as she looked up at the moon. She again clinched her jaw and left it tightened as she spoke, “because I know I’m not marrying him.”

“Does he know that?”

Rayne placed her hands across Sam’s face and urged her to look into her eyes. “I’m telling you I love you. Please don’t do this. I need time. We need time. Time to get it all worked out. It’s not easy for me and I know it’s not easy for you.”

“But you said yes. You didn’t have to say yes. I was there. I was in that room when he proposed. You had me but you let me go and you said yes.”

Rayne vigorously shook her head. “No, no. That’s not true and you know it. I didn’t let you go that night. You left. There’s a big difference. I know what I asked that night wasn’t right. I know my mistakes, but I needed you to stay and help me work it all out. Be with me and support me while I did. But you said you couldn’t. It broke every single part of me when you left. Not a moment goes by that I don’t think about you.” Rayne reached up and rubbed the cicada charm. “I didn’t say yes. I didn’t say anything. He and Charlie Grace started planning things as if I had. I was just too broken and numb to argue.” She ran the charms along the chain which held them as she spoke.

“Rayne, you wanted me to fit into your perfect picture. You wanted me to guarantee you what it would be like so you could plan it out just like you plan everything in your life out. But life’s plan isn’t a guarantee. It’s ever-changing and you have to be ready to make those changes. I couldn’t and wouldn’t be that for you. Don’t you get it?”

“No, not really. We could’ve been together while I made those changes.” Rayne grabbed Sam’s hands and squeezed them tighter with each word.

“But I needed you to make the changes on your own. I needed you to realize who you were without it being dependent on me.”

Rayne released her hold of Sam’s hands and let her own drop in her lap. “So, I’m to blame for losing us because I wasn’t ready or because I didn’t know who I was. I don’t think that’s fair. You showed me a life I’d never imagined. Loving you changed everything I had ever seen my future to be and you left because I didn’t accept all of those changes immediately. As if something like that wouldn’t take time to adjust to.”

In truth, Sam had not given thought to the what-ifs of what was to be after the proposal had Rayne chosen her instead. In her eyes, it was the natural choice of things. She had fallen in love with her. She hadn’t considered nor appreciated the consequences Rayne would have had to face with that choice. She was slowly starting to realize this with Rayne in front of her. The look in her eyes, the pain in her words, and the withdrawal in her mannerisms spoke far more to her than Rayne had ever done before. “No, it’s not fair, and it’s not entirely you. I let you take the blame for it. I’m sorry for that.” Sam reached for Rayne’s hand. “Stormy, you changed me too. You changed everything I saw for my future too. I saw you. I saw us. I wanted us so bad. For as hard as it was for you, it was equally hard for me. I didn’t know who that person was or how to even be someone’s girlfriend. I ran.”

“But you’re here now. It’s not too late. We can have another chance. We can work it all out together.”

Sam thought of Gentry, the woman who had given her breath again. The woman who had shown her another life she could have, as well as another side of herself. She thought of the taste of car exhaust on her tongue as she had walked the Atlanta streets and its contrast to the sea air blowing in through the patio doors of her condo. She thought of Big Blue and the times she had shared with Gentry in it. The life she had once pegged as her future was no more. She couldn’t go back. Although, she hadn’t quite yet figured out exactly where forward was either. The conversation in Gentry’s bed was all too present in her head. There didn’t seem to be a forward there either. Not one in a relationship sort of way. Not one she had once hoped to have with Rayne or possibly even the one Rayne seemed to be offering, even if not in the perfect package she had once imagined. Yet, there was more to Maine to draw her back than its scenery. “I can’t, Stormy. I’m not back.” She stuttered on her words as she thought of Gentry’s growing belly. She owed it to Gentry to return to help her through the pregnancy even if there didn’t seem to be more that would become of it. More than owed, she wanted to return to help Gentry. She had been let down by so many in her life. Sam wouldn’t be another name on that list. “And…I’ve got someone I need to get back to.”

“Oh,” Rayne said flatly. She pulled her hand from Sam’s and tucked it between her thighs. “I see.”

“No, you don’t.” Sam pulled her knee up against her chest. “Because I still don’t fully see myself. I’m still trying to figure out me. In much the same way as you’ve been trying to find you, I’ve been trying to find myself. I didn’t know what I truly wanted until you showed me.” She pulled at the frayed strands of the hole in her jeans. “I didn’t tell you why I was here. My parents are getting a divorce. Mother finally asked the old bastard for a divorce. I’m here for her. See, Rayne, he had it all planned out too. His whole life, her, me. We were all according to his plan. And then one day we weren’t. I don’t want to be my mother. She stayed in his plan until the day she couldn’t breathe. I want my own plan. I want to know my own path. You showed me how much more of life I wanted. I fell so hard for you that I forgot the reality of the situation. I wanted the fairy tale.”

Sam turned on the bench to face Rayne fully. Remorsefully, she wiped the tear from Rayne’s cheek. “Falling in love with you made me realize I wanted more than sex, more than one-night stands. I want it all. I want love and sacrifice and commitment. I want the woman who loves me to fight against all consequences of what it means to do so. Maybe if you hadn’t changed that in me, then I could be what you’re asking of me. But I can’t. I can’t wait on the sidelines or hide in the closet loving you in secret while you pretend we’re only friends. Even if it isn’t about just Grant. You’re not ready to live in anything but secret. I’m sorry. I want the fairy tale. But the truth is, the fairy tale is mine to make. To me, it’s all about timing. We weren’t ready for one another. We still aren’t.” Sam couldn’t take seeing the tears continue to fall from Rayne’s eyes. Nor could she continue to let her own fall. As she spoke, she knew the truth of her and Rayne. It hadn’t been their time before and it wasn’t their time now. They had to accept that and move on with their lives. The pain of sitting so close to one another, the continued fight against what was assuredly not going to happen in the immediate future, was nothing more than torture. It was time to end it—at least for now. Sam stood up, ran her fingertips underneath her eyes to dry them, and brushed the bench dust from her jeans. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I will always love you.”

“So, this is goodbye again?” Rayne choked back the tears streaming through her words.

“I hope not.” Sam loved her too much to say goodbye to her again. It nearly killed her the last time. Filled with hope of another time for them, she turned, and walked away. As she reached the light of the lamp beside the sidewalk, she stopped. The strength in her stride was stripped from her. She feared any attempts to further walk away from Rayne would cause her to tumble to the ground. She leaned against the pole to strengthen herself. The tickle of Rayne’s breath against her lips was felt in the breeze that gently blew against her. She looked back at the bench where Rayne still sat. She prayed for the strength not to run to her and take her in her arms. She wanted to pull her up off of the bench, fall helplessly into her, and kiss her until the answers as to how they could be together came to her. As if Rayne sensed everything her body questioned, she stood up from the bench. Sam inhaled deeply as she let her body imagine Rayne in her arms. As Rayne began to run to her, Sam realized that’s all they could do—run. Run from everything. Run from the truth of who they were to each other. Run from Grant. From Charlie Grace. From Gentry and the baby. They would run from it all. But then she felt the uncontrollable love they had for one another. The intense pureness of it from the very beginning of knowing one another. There was an innocence to how they had fallen in love with each other. Hurting all of those who they would run from would tarnish the pureness of it. It would shadow it perhaps to a degree which could not be healed. Sam couldn’t let that happen. The love she and Rayne had for one another was the most perfect thing in her life. She had to protect it. With all of the strength she had, she held up her hand to stop Rayne’s advance, pushed her back off of the post, and hurriedly walked from the park. She looked up at the fingernail moon and whispered, “Let her see how much I love her. Please just let her see.”

Chapter 18

“What a day,” Timber said as she entered Sam’s office. She took her lab coat off and hung it on the hook behind Sam’s door. Slowly, she rolled her broad shoulders. She was a woman short in stature but not one defined as petite. Her frame was thick and muscular. She was an active, outdoorsy kind of woman who was quite well-equipped to handle any job, from wood splitting to lobster fishing to delivering babies. She plopped down in the chair across from Sam’s desk and pulled a stool over next to her. In one quick movement, she shed her clogs and propped her feet up. “This one I’m happy to say is done.”

“It sure is.” Sam initialed the lab results in front of her.

“The last of ours delivered at noon. Clinic is empty. No one is cooking for a delivery tonight and the locum from the hospital is on call even if someone happens to surprise the ER.” She twisted her long, strawberry, blonde hair into a bun, stuck a pencil in it, and rested her neck against the chair. “If I start snoring, please wake me,” she said jokingly.

“Will do.”

Timber rolled her head to the side. “What are you working on over there? It’s quitting time.”

“I’ve got a few labs and charts to go over before I go.”

“Can’t they wait until tomorrow?”

“It’s no problem. I don’t mind staying.”

“I don’t know if I’ve told you yet but I’m pretty happy you’ve joined us. I’ve contracted a few physicians to come help out during seasonal rush. Not any I wanted to have stay on. You? You can stay as long as you like.” She straightened her neck and closed her eyes. “Although, I don’t anticipate you’ll stay long. You’re completely overqualified for rural medicine.”

“Thank you for saying that. It’s nice to hear.” Sam clicked her pen closed and laid it on her desk. “I’ve enjoyed being a part of your team much more than I thought I would. And I would never say I’m overqualified for this position. Now that I’ve worked here, I realize you’ve got to be on your game for rural medicine. In a large teaching facility, you’ve got a whole team to go to when something comes up. Other attendees, staff docs, interns, you name it. There are ample minds you can pick from around every corner. Here? It’s all on what you bring to the table.”

“Preach,” Timber said as she rubbed her aching temples. “No dinner plans tonight?”

“Nope. You?”

“Thank goodness, no. Greg and the twins are at his mom’s house. Cade is on a date and Joseph is…well, who knows where. There’s some leftover pasta in the fridge that has my name written all over it.”

“I’m envisioning Mediterranean take out for me.”

Timber’s eyes opened wide. A smile spread the freckles of her face. “Oh, that sounds so much better.”

“I found a great hole-in-the-wall place down from my condo. Had it once last week and haven’t stopped thinking about it since.”

Timber wasn’t snoring but she was definitely breathing heavier. Quietly, Sam returned to her charting but was startled when Timber spoke again.

“Can I talk with you about something?”

“Sure.” Sam put her pen down again.

“You’ve been quiet since you returned and I was surprised to not see you today with Ms. Bell at her appointment. Everything okay with you? I’m asking purely as a friend.”

“Everything’s okay. I’ve got some things on my mind but that’s it.” Sam didn’t attempt to fake a smile. She knew it would look ridiculously forced. Instead, she redirected their conversation. “How did the appointment go?”

“Funny you should ask, Doctor.”

“Funny?” Sam closed the chart in front of her and leaned back in her chair. “Why funny?”

“Because, Ms. Bell actually gave me permission to discuss her medical case with you. Just in case you asked.”

“She did?”

Timber gave a chuckle of a laugh at the similarities in the way each of the women spoke of one another. It reminded her of when her oldest boy described his first crush. “She did.” She crossed her legs. Her thick quadricep muscle was more visible with the material of her scrubs stretched across her let. “Overall, her appointment went well. Although, her blood pressure was elevated so I’m having her come back for follow up fairly soon.”

“Are you worried about preeclampsia?”

“Not yet. But I certainly have it on my radar.”

“And the baby?”

Timber reached into the front pocket of her scrub top. She stretched her arm across the desk to hand Sam the photo. “She’s doing just fine.”

Sam felt a skip in her heart when she looked at the ultrasound picture. She ran her thumb across it. The smile she dared not fake earlier came to her all on its own. “She,” she repeated softly.

“Not all women possess it, you know? You’ve seen it as much as I have.”

“Possess what?” Sam didn’t look up from the picture.

“That look on your face right now.”

Sam looked up to see Timber pointing at her chest.

“That mother’s heart or whatever you want to call it,” Timber continued. “In my career, I’ve seen thousands of reactions from mothers when they first hear their baby’s heartbeat or see their baby on ultrasound. There’s this face…this expression they have. So many different reactions. For some it’s happiness, elation even, but for others it’s as if their whole world had meaning in that one moment of hearing or seeing their baby. That’s how it was for me.” She looked directly at Sam. “That’s how it was for you when you first heard it walking in the exam room. It made me wonder if that’s why you didn’t come today. Wonder about you.”

“How so?”

“Worried maybe you’ve recognized how hard it’s going to be on you when she goes forward with the adoption.”

“Oh.” Sam put the photo on her desk. “Did she say anything else about the adoption?”

“Just that she was still looking through the family profiles but undecided so far. Have you told her how you feel?”

“About what?”

“The baby.”

“What’s there to tell?”

“I suppose that’s something you’ll have to figure out.” Timber stood from the chair and stretched her arms up over her head. “I love my husband. Have loved him since we were in high school. Can’t imagine myself with anyone else. But it’s nothing compared to the love I have for my children. The best part of my day, the best part of my life, is when I’m with them. They are the very best part of me. Who’s to say it won’t be the same for you?”

“Timber, it’s not my baby. It’s not my choice.”

“It could be. That’s all I’m saying. She’s looking for a home. Why can’t it be yours?”

“What?” Sam felt her voice crack and escalate. “Oh no. No way. I couldn’t possibly. I don’t even know which end is up right now. I’m a complete mess.’

Timber pointed to Sam’s desk. “Maybe that’s your direction right there?”

Sam vehemently shook her head. “Absolutely not. I work, like, a lot. You have a husband. I don’t even have a girlfriend. Uh uh. No way. It’s impossible.”

Timber shrugged. “Nothing’s impossible. Remember, that’s what nannies are for. But I hear you. My bad. I’ve misjudged the situation.” She snorted. “It’s not the first and won’t be the last. My apologies.” She glanced at the door and then back at Sam. “Speaking of kiddos, mine are gone for the night. How about I join you for that Mediterranean?”

“Sounds great. As long as we can leave this conversation here.”

“Done.” Timber crossed her heart. “Promise.”

Sam slung her lab coat across her chair and grabbed her keys off her desk. Her finger grazed over the top of the ultrasound picture. She picked it up and put it in her shirt pocket. “Let’s get out of here.”

Chapter 19

Sam sipped on her drink as she stared out across the bay. With the crowds of Bar Island thinned at high tide, the ding of the buoy was well heard from her balcony. She had become fond of it in the evening hours after work as it was peaceful and somewhat musical to her. She had seen Gentry’s name on Dr. Waggoner’s patient list but hadn’t gone over to see her while she was there. In fact, she hadn’t called or gone to see her since she had gotten back from Atlanta. Seeing Rayne had affected her in more ways than one. Of course, there was the return of a sadness she had only barely recovered from by again telling her goodbye. But there was also this feeling of remorse that she had not anticipated. She had become filled with anger at seeing Rayne and Mo together. Yet, Rayne vehemently denied them being more than friends. Forgetting the dance, Sam knew in her heart Rayne had not been intimate with Mo. Her idea of friendship would not have included that. Past dislike for Mo had certainly influenced her reaction to seeing Rayne with another woman. Sam sipped her drink again and swallowed hard at the thoughts of her and Gentry’s loosely defined terms of friendship. She closed her eyes to the vision of their trysts on the couch. For them, their act was sex. It didn’t have to be more than filling a desire’s need. Sam felt guilty for becoming so angry with Rayne all while knowing she was doing the very thing she had accused her of doing. She thought of how much it would have hurt her to know that she had done far more than an erotic dance.

Knock. Knock.

Seeing Gentry’s face in the peephole surprised her. “Hey,” she said as she opened the door.

“Hi.” Gentry diverted her eyes from Sam’s and shifted her weight. “Can I come in?”

“Sure. I was about to fix another drink. Do you want anything?”

“No, thank you.” Gentry walked through the open patio doors to stand at the railing. She didn’t turn to Sam when she came behind her to sit back down in her chair.

“Do you want to sit down?” Sam asked.

“I will in a minute.” Gentry ran her thumb across the railing. “I can’t say I was surprised you didn’t let me know you were back. I believe everyone has the right to do exactly what they want to do with who they want to do it with. So, my coming over here tonight isn’t to change your mind if you’ve decided you don’t want to spend time with me anymore or if it’s that you need space from me right now. We both know our time together is short-lived anyway.” She was not one who entertained idealistic views of “the one” or of falling in love. Her childhood’s teachings of how to show love had shown her she wanted no part of it. It was nothing for her to accept the coming and going of people in and out of her life. Granted, she was usually the one to go. When the nurse walked her by Sam’s office door on the way to the exam room, she had not been able to stop herself from looking to see any sign she had returned. The pang of disappointment, even pain, when she saw Sam sitting at her desk was an unwelcome surprise.

Sam sat quietly as she listened to Gentry. She swirled the ice around in her glass and the last sentence Gentry said around in her head. She had to admit it gave her pause because she hadn’t really considered when or if their time would end.

Gentry looked out across the bay to Bar Island where Sam had taken her for a picnic. She didn’t look back at Sam but instead pictured the face of the woman who smiled at her as she led her across the bar. “If this is the end of our journey together, then so be it. I’ll accept it. But I want to explain to you why I haven’t told you about me being from Br…from there.” Gentry took in a breath. “Sam, my past is a very difficult thing for me to think about, much less talk about. It’s like it sucked the life right out of me. Few people know anything of it. I’ve talked to you and one other person. Even though I feel safe for you to know these things about me, it’s still hard to open up to you. It’s not because I don’t trust you. It’s because it takes so much out of me to remember it. It’s like I’m living it all over again when I do. Then there’s you. The times when you talked about Rayne to me, actually said her name, your thoughts and feelings were flowing. I was afraid I would’ve changed the direction of them or take the focus from what you were telling me about your experience to mine. My past is no more painful to me than yours is to you. Pain is pain. I’m sorry if I made you mad at me or if you felt I was not honest with you. I truly am.” She turned to Sam.

“I wasn’t angry with you. I didn’t understand why you would keep it from me.” Sam dotted the liquid from the side of the glass that had collected at the bottom onto the top of her jeans. “I suppose I felt betrayed that you’d keep something like that from me. Here I am pouring out my heart to you about her and the whole time you know her. I guess a part of me felt pretty stupid.”

“Please don’t. Please, don’t take any action of mine as a means of making you feel stupid. I don’t really know her the way you think. I knew the little girl while I was there but only heard about her later from Addie when we would talk.” Gentry drew out Addie’s name when she said it. “It’s Addie I know…knew so much more than I did Rayne. I know the life around Rayne. I know the life of Brennin. It’s the heart of Addie I know most.”

“How do you know them? I don’t get the connection.”

Gentry leaned her back against the railing. “You don’t? You’ve seen Brennin. Everybody knows everybody’s business there.”

Sam made a noise in recognition but she said no actual words.

“Did you meet Imogene…Imogene Bell? Owner of Sugar Bakers?”

Recognition came over Sam when she actually connected the last names.

“She’s my grandmother. My dad’s mother. I told you I was taken to a foster home after the police raided the house. I didn’t stay long. My dad apparently sobered up enough to tell them about her and his wishes for me to go there while he was in rehab. Besides, even if he hadn’t, the state would’ve investigated and found her.” Gentry sat down in the chair next to Sam. “Imogene told me she had tried to see me. That she would lose contact of where I was every time he moved us. She said she never gave up. Looking back, I think I blamed her for the hell hole I lived in. I was a kid who had very childlike rationale. She was easy to take it out on…to blame for what had happened to me all those years. She loved me and took every single bit I threw at her.” Gentry smirked. “Then she introduced me to Addie.” She cocked her head toward Sam. “I know you’ve met her so you get what I’m saying. There was no blaming Addie or acting out against her. That lady put things in terms you could understand and didn’t take shit from any one.”

“She sure didn’t seem to take any.”

“No, she did not. Not even from a little girl who was lashing out at the world. She was exactly what I needed. Imogene arranged for me to go stay with Addie.” Gentry nodded her head. “That woman pulled everything out of me. It was like she had this stick and every day she would pull a little more out to twirl it around its staff. Like she harnessed all of the evil around it and then burned it to a crisp. I remember my first true night’s sleep in her house. I had cried in her arms until I fell asleep. When I woke up, do you know she was still right there? In the exact same position. She didn’t move all night. When I asked her about it, she told me she wanted me to feel I was safe. To know she was a constant in my life. No matter what happened, she was there.” She ran her hands across her face. “I miss her.” She looked at Sam’s face in the light of the setting sun. Her eyes held an earnest yearning to continue listening. Not the glassed-over look of someone pacifying her story but an honest wish to hear more. “She came for me once.” Gentry turned to gaze out across the bay as the golden reds and oranges reflected off of the water. “We had gotten up early to pick the garden. Purple hull peas, my favorite. Addie was in a mood over her stories. You know those soap operas that played in the afternoons? Addie had two of them she watched religiously. She had it planned so that by the time they were on, we were sitting in front of them shelling peas. I used to love watching her fuss at those shows.” Gentry sighed and ran her hand over the rail. “It was a good day. Until I heard her voice. Sam, it pierced me. The thought of running hit me so fast, I forgot about the pot of shelled peas in my lap. It was loud when it hit the floor. So loud.” Gentry covered her ears as she shook her head. She felt Sam’s hand on the back of her leg and opened her eyes. Sam’s eyes held her tenderly. “Addie ran to me and stood in between her and me. She had one arm behind her back, holding me behind her. I didn’t want to see that woman’s face. Hear her voice. God, smell her. That awful smell she carried. Stale cigarettes and beer. But I did. I buried my face against Addie’s shirt to block her out. But not even the smell of Addie’s homemade soap could overpower that horrid smell.” A wave of nausea hit Gentry. She swallowed it back and wet her lips. “She kept screaming over and over how I was hers and how she would get me back. She called Addie an old woman who was a fool to think she could keep her from me. Addie just kept turning me away from her every time she would try to reach around her to grab me. When I felt my back against the kitchen bar, I knew exactly where Addie was leading her. See, she kept a .38 special revolver behind the back door. Addie pointed that gun right between her eyes.” Gentry looked at Sam with a tear developing in her eyes. In all of her reliving of her past with Sam, this was the first time she had not stopped the tears. “I wanted her to pull the trigger, Sam. Here I was, this girl just barely in her teen years, and I wanted her to pull that fucking trigger so bad. That’s how much hate was in me.” The tear fell. “See, there are all kinds of layers to my dark soul that you’ve not seen yet. I actually wanted someone’s life to be taken.”

Sam lifted her hand from stroking Gentry’s leg and stood to gently wipe the tear from her cheek. “Your soul is anything…anything other than dark.”

“I hope you’re right.” Gentry lightly grabbed the back of Sam’s hand and motioned her to sit back down. She needed to get all of this out while she was strong enough. “Addie chased her off that day and the ones after when she would come again. Even as old as I am now, when Addie passed, I just didn’t feel safe anymore. That’s when I knew it was time to leave Louisiana. I would have the most horrible nightmares that she would come into the diner one day. You think I’m this brave woman who trekked out across the northeast because I felt like it. Truth is, I’m running just like you. You’ll eventually stop running. You’ll eventually find your place. Me? I’ll always run.”

“You don’t have to ever hear her voice or see her face again.”

Gentry shook her head again. “No, I don’t, but it doesn’t stop the nightmares. My mind can tell me all day long that the trigger was pulled. She doesn’t exist anymore. But, Sam, my soul…that part of me I can’t rationalize with feels her every day.” Gentry closed her eyes. “Every damn day. I’ll never stop running from that.”

Gentry fell hard in the chair behind her and rested her back against it. Her energy was spent. The nightmare made alive in her words. It wasn’t because she still felt the intensity of vulnerability and exposure when she told Sam of these things. It was the bringing of them to the surface which wiped her out the most.

The buoy dinged uninterrupted in their silence. Sam stretched her hand out to touch Gentry’s arm. She rubbed her thumb across her forearm as they watched the sun set below the top of the water.

“Hey, Gentry?” Sam said as she washed the dishes from their take-out order. Neither one of them felt like going out after their earlier conversation. In fact since then, they hadn’t said much of anything else. A few sentences about their day over dinner was all. “Can I ask you something? I don’t want to bring up the stuff from before, but I did want to ask you something else.”

Gentry was lying on the couch. She raised her arm in the air over the cushions. “Sure. Go ahead. I’m already a hot mess anyway.”

“I was wondering about Rayne? You said you didn’t really know her too much. But can you elaborate? I mean, how well did you know her?” Sam asked.

“Honestly, not much one-on-one. She was only eight when I left Addie’s and Brennin. Most of what I know is what Addie would talk about. We never let the distance come between us. We called all of the time. I’d go see her or she me. She even brought Imogene a few times to see me.” Gentry paused when she realized she was going off subject. “But I guess you could say, I feel like I know Rayne pretty well through what Addie would tell me about her. It dawned on me a while after we met that it was you Addie would talk to me about.”

“She talked about me?”

“Uh huh. She liked you.” Gentry couldn’t agree more with what Addie had described she saw in Sam. “A lot actually. Maybe that’s another reason why I felt comfortable around you—felt safe with you. Addie meant the world to me and here came this woman she had spoken highly of into my life.” Gentry raised up on both elbows to see over the counter toward Sam. “It’s silly, but it almost felt like she brought you to me. Like it was her doing.”

“But she didn’t know me that well. We had only been around each other a little bit before…” Sam stopped her sentence. She had stopped saying Rayne’s name because she couldn’t handle the sadness it always brought to her eyes. Actually, it even made her sad to think about her name. She picked up her drink glass that she had left on the counter when their dinner had arrived. The ice fell against her lips as she took the last swallow of it.

Gentry looked at Sam earnestly. “Ah, she knew you pretty well I’d say. From what I’ve seen with my own eyes, she had you pegged pretty good. You’re everything she described to me.” Gentry laid back down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. In a quieter tone, she all but whispered, “And more.”

Sam fixed another drink. “I’ll be right there.”

“She knew you two loved each other very much. She told me about how it was written all over the both of you. She was happy about it. She felt peace knowing Rayne had someone who loved her as much as you did.”

Sam closed her eyes to Gentry’s words. She sniffled her nose to swallow back the tears as she poured fresh tequila over the ice, filled the rest of it with club soda, and added a splash of lime. “I saw her when I was in Atlanta.”

Gentry swung her legs off of the couch to sit up when she saw Sam walking over to her. “Had you planned on seeing her?”

Sam shook her head no and took a healthy sip of the drink. “I went to a nightclub to see an old friend. She was there.”

“A gay nightclub?”

Sam nodded…and drank.

“Oh.”

Sam sat down next to Gentry and leaned forward to rest her arms on her knees. “She was with this woman I despise. Actually, despise may be a loose term. Gentry, it ripped me apart to watch them dance the way they were. That woman had her hands all over her. Like they were supposed to be there.” Sam pinched the bridge of her nose. “Like Rayne wanted them there.”

“I thought you told me she was engaged to a man?”

“She is. Still is. I don’t know. All I know is she was dancing with her. I think I would’ve died if they had kissed.” Sam closed her eyes. “It hurt so bad to see her like that. And of all the women, it had to be her.”

“Did you talk to her?”

“I did. I was so hurt…mad and anything else negative you can think of. I wanted her out of there so I yanked her by the hand and led her out into the streets. She says they are just friends and that it’s always been me, only me. She told me she loved me. Begged for us to be together again.”

“You didn’t believe her?”

“No, I believed her. I think I believed her. Hell, I don’t know anymore. But I think I saw it on her face that she did.” Sam sipped her drink and mumbled over the top of her glass. “All over her, really.”

Gentry put her hand on her arm. “Then why are you here, Sam? Why aren’t you with her?”

“She’s still engaged.” Sam’s voice was raised. “She said she knew she wasn’t marrying him but they’re still engaged. She can’t do it, Gentry. She’s still living a lie. She says she needs time and asked me to be beside her while she figures it all out.”

“You’ve seen Brennin. It’s not Atlanta. I’m assuming you’ve met Charlie Grace. This is no easy battle for Rayne. She’s not just coming out to herself or her parents. It’s the whole damn town she’s got to come out to. That can’t be easy or taken lightly. Of course she’s scared.”

“You wouldn’t be.”

Gentry patted Sam’s leg. “Oh Sam, you know I’m nothing like Rayne. You can’t compare what I’d do and what she’d do. We weren’t raised the same. We didn’t have the same. She fears losing everything she has ever loved. I never had it to lose.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Sam remorsefully said.

“Don’t be. This isn’t about me.” Gentry stood up and walked behind Sam’s chair. She pulled her shoulders back to rest her against the chair. “This is about you.” She began to rub the knots from Sam’s shoulders. “Now, tell me really why you didn’t stay with her like she asked. Tell me the truth.”

Sam relaxed into Gentry’s touch. She took in a deep breath because she knew exactly what Gentry was asking of her. “Because I’m scared.”

“Mmmm hmmm. Keep going.”

“She didn’t choose me before. I was right there. Standing right beside her. Had been beside her from the moment we met, but it wasn’t enough. She didn’t pick me. I’ve never hurt like that in my whole entire life. I don’t want to feel that again. Ever. I can’t.” Sam let the tears fall freely with her face hidden from Gentry. “She has to do this on her own. If she does…if she stands up to be who she is and still wants us, then maybe.”

“There it is.” Gentry kissed the top of Sam’s head and continued to work the tension from her shoulders.

The buoy dinged.

The dryness in Sam’s mouth awakened her from a not-so-restful sleep. She moved her tongue around her mouth for any moisture she could find but it was all but stolen by the multiple tequila drinks she had drank earlier. Slowly, she opened her eyes to the darkness of her bedroom but couldn’t quite remember how she had gotten there. As if with cement slippers, she moved her feet to the side of the bed with the vague hopes of actually being able to stand, much less walk to get some water.

“Here. Drink this,” Gentry said softly.

Sam couldn’t see her but she felt her voice was like a beacon from a lighthouse. It guided her to the glass placed gingerly in her hand. She began to gulp the water as if she had been stranded in the desert.

“Sips only, Sam.” Gentry pulled the glass from Sam’s hand. “We don’t want it coming back up.”

Sam rested her head back on the pillow in an attempt to slow the spinning room. “Please tell me I didn’t get sick.”

“Okay,” Gentry paused, “you didn’t get sick.”

Sam snorted and closed her eyes. “You’re here.”

Gentry ran her fingers softly through Sam’s bangs. “I am.”

“And you’re in my bed.”

Gentry scooted closer to Sam so that her body laid along hers. “I am.” She kissed her on her forehead. She felt Sam jump with the flutter in her tummy.

The white of Sam’s widely opened eyes were visible in the dark. “Did you feel that?”

“I always feel it. Seems like you felt it this time too.”

Sam sat up on her elbow. “I did.” She smiled broadly. “There it is again. She’s really moving around in there.”

“She?”

“Or he. Reflexive pronoun use,” Sam quickly said. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Gentry said nothing as she continued to run her fingers through Sam’s hair.

“I checked in on you after you left.”

“You did?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come over to your appointment.”

“You had a lot on your mind.”

“I did.” Sam laid back down and rested her hand on Gentry’s belly. “But that’s no excuse. I won’t miss another one.”

“I know.”

“The baby’s growing well. I’ve got a picture of the ultrasound from today in my…um, on my desk.”

“You do?” Gentry was surprised.

“Do you want to know the sex of the baby? I can tell you if you want.”

“It doesn’t really matter to me.” Gentry leaned over to kiss her forehead again. “Besides, something tells me you already did.”

Sam said nothing.

Gentry took in a small breath. “I got the adoption paperwork from Dr. Waggoner today. I’m still looking through the book of adoptive parents I borrowed from her office.”

Sam rubbed her thumb over the shirt covering Gentry’s belly. She smiled when she felt the baby flutter again underneath her hand. “Find her a good home.”

Gentry envisioned the ultrasound picture on Sam’s desk. She reached down to place her hand over Sam’s as it lay on her tummy. “I will.”

Chapter 20

Gentry stared at the outfits in front of her as they lay across her bed. When designing the bus with the essentials she would need for daily living, she had not found a great deal of wardrobe storage space—especially one that seemed to be growing with the increasing size of her belly. She rubbed her protruding tummy. “Girl, you are making this whole dressing thing too hard.” She held the elastic waistband jeans in front of her and pined looking at her old, favorite button-up Levis that hadn’t been worn in way too long. She folded them to tuck them underneath the other clothes she could no longer wear, vowing one day very soon she would wear the faded jeans again. Thankfully, she had not been able to dispose of the shirts she had collected from her nights at Addie’s. She pulled out the box where she kept the reminders of her. “Addie would be a good name for you,” she said as she straightened the shirt over her belly. She wondered if she could include that in her information packet Dr. Waggoner had given her to fill out for possible adoptive parents to review. She brushed through her hair, freshened her make-up, and stared at her reflection in the mirror.

She looked down at her watch. “Shit, she’ll be here soon. Why on earth did I agree to this dinner?” she said as she eyed the newly cleaned bus. She had come straight home from her shift to make it as spotless as she could. The table was set up outside with a string of solar lights positioned over the top. All she had to do now was wait. She draped Addie’s button-down flannel shirt across her arm, popped in her favorite Tom Petty CD, turned the volume up and headed out to wait by the water.

“Sam!” Violet screamed as she ran toward her. She waved her free arm in the air while the other pulled her luggage behind her. The tiny wheels rolled or rather shook as they tried to keep up with her.

Sam swept her friend up in a hug. “I can’t believe you’re here.” She regarded Jazlyn who was walking behind them by stretching her arm out to include her in the hug. “That you’re both here. I missed you so much.”

Violet kissed Sam on the cheek. “Not nearly as much as I’ve missed you. It’s simply not possible.”

Sam released them both to take them in. She held Violet’s hands to lift her arms in the air. “You do know, of course, that I would’ve come and gotten you in Bangor. It’s not that far of a drive.” She motioned to the Trenton airport behind them. “You didn’t have to fly into here.”

“Hush with that,” Violet said.

“Yeah,” Jazlyn agreed. “Cape Air was pretty good for a small commuter flight.”

Sam grabbed Violet’s bag and dragged it behind her as she led them to her SUV. Violet tucked her arm into hers as they walked. “I can’t wait to show you around. You’re going to love it.”

“I’m sure. The flight over was gorgeous.” Jazlyn followed closely behind them. She loved seeing the smile on Violet’s face when she was around Sam. Lord knows she hadn’t done much to make her smile lately, what with the whole Rayne and Mo thing.

“What the hell is this? Where’s the Mercedes?” Violet said as they got close enough for Sam to unlock the doors with her fob.

Sam opened the hatch to lift their luggage into it. “Do you like it? It’s my new Xterra. I can go anywhere with this baby.”

“It’s a heck of a jump from your Mercedes. Hell, if I would’ve known we had this much room, I wouldn’t have packed so light.”

“Oh Lord, Sam, she would’ve packed her whole damn closet if you would’ve told us you had traded in.” Jazlyn patted Sam on the shoulder as she walked around her to get in the backseat. “Good call.”

Sam drove along Route 3 from Trenton to cross over into Mt. Desert Island. She marveled at the expressions on Violet and Jazlyn’s face as they took in the scenery. Eagerly, she awaited one particular area on the drive. It always amazed her in the view she would see as she rounded a particular curve just past a clearing in the trees. It was there that the road appeared to barely skim alongside the cliff. The ocean waves as they broke over the rocks was easily visible from the car windows. Sam slowed as she entered the clearing.

“Wow,” Violet said. “This is absolutely breathtaking.”

“Isn’t it?”

Violet put her hand on Sam’s arm. “It truly is. As are you, my friend. You look…hmmm. What’s the word I’m looking for…” Violet paused, “lighter. That’s it. You look lifted.”

Sam smiled at the description. It was quite fitting. That’s exactly what she had become on her northward escape.

“What are all of those little things in the water?” Jazlyn asked as she peered out of the backseat window.

“Those are lobster buoys.” Sam glanced in her rearview mirror. “Aren’t they neat? Each one is painted a particular pattern that marks the fishermen’s colors. They try not to make the patterns too elaborate because in the offseason, they have to hand paint each one. Good thing they only allow so many licenses. Otherwise, it would be a bitch to design new patterns.”

“There are so many of them.” Jazlyn’s brown-eyes were filled with excitement when she peered into the mirror back at Sam.

“There are. This is peak lobster season here. Timber, the doc I work with, has taken off a good bit to keep up with her own traps. She says with me working with her, she’s actually been able to put out all of hers this season.”

“She’s a fisher…woman?” Violet asked.

“Yep. She sure is. Crazy, huh? This woman’s a machine. She has a full clinic, takes call, is on the board of directors for the hospital, is a lobster fisherman, and has four kids with a set of twins. I swear, I get tired just watching her.” Sam tapped her steering wheel as she listed off each. “Speaking of, that’s what we planned to have for dinner tonight, if it’s alright with you two.”

“We? Is she having dinner with us?” Violet asked.

“Oh no. Sorry. We’re having dinner with Gentry.” Sam smiled. “I got carried away with y’all being here.”

Violet peeped over her shoulder toward Jazlyn and winked with the description of “we” Sam used in reference to her and Gentry. “Are you kidding me? We better have lobster since we’re in Maine,” Violet joked. “After all, it’s the only reason we came.”

Sam laughed and pinched Violet’s side. “Oh, is that a fact?”

“Ouch.” Violet moved out of her reach but then leaned over and kissed her on the cheek again. “Okay, okay, I might’ve wanted to see you too.”

Sam turned her head before Violet could sit flush in her seat again. She stole a peck on her lips. “Ditto.”

“Wait until you see Gentry’s place.” Sam slowed the Xterra to turn off of the main road onto the one leading to the campground. “She’s got twice the view I have from my condo. Big Blue sits down along a cliff right next to the water. The rest of the park is higher up so it gives her this amazing privacy. Like her own piece of waterfront property.”

“Big Blue?” Violet didn’t take her eyes from the view outside her window.

“That’s what we call her bus. She renovated the shit outta this old school bus.”

“Interesting.” Violet craned her neck to look up at the cliffs along the road.

“I can’t wait for you to see this place. It’s pretty amazing. She did every bit of it. Took a regular, old bus and transformed it into this cool living space. I was just as comfortable when I stayed there as I am in my condo. It’s crazy.”

Violet stole a joining smile with Jazlyn in the backseat. “Hmmm, sounds very interesting.”

Sam didn’t catch Violet’s tone as they were pulling up to Gentry’s bus. “There it is,” she said excitedly and forcefully put the vehicle in park. She beamed as they walked around the front of the bus to hear Tom Petty’s song “Wildflowers” blaring through the speakers. With the cool temperatures of September, Gentry had all of the windows of the bus open. She stood at the water’s edge with her back to them as she stared out across the water.

“Hey, you,” Sam called as they approached.

Violet grabbed Jazlyn’s arm when Gentry turned around to expose her seven-month pregnant belly. The two women hesitated in their stride long enough for Sam to walk ahead of them.

“Hey yourself,” Gentry said warmly as she accepted Sam’s hug.

Sam gestured over her shoulder. “I’ve heard a better version of this song.”

Gentry tugged at her arm to pull her in closer to her lips. “Have you?”

Sam kissed her sweetly and whispered, “Oh, but I have and it was amazing.”

Gentry’s heart fluttered with the sensation of Sam so close to her. She tried to discount it as related to pregnancy hormones alone but she knew better. True, her hormones were in rare form with the absence of her and Sam’s regular rendezvous. They had not been physical or kissed more than a typical kiss of friends since Sam returned from Atlanta. Gentry rubbed her swollen belly and thought she either was completely unappealing in her present form or Sam’s guilt of their coupling was too much to bear after she saw Rayne. Either way, Gentry made do and accepted either as truth.

“Come meet my very best friends.” Sam held her hand as she walked with Gentry.

Gentry pulled the flannel shirt over her belly as if she could hide it in some way. She ran her fingers through her hair and nervously tucked her other hand into her pocket.

Sam squeezed her hand and leaned into her. “Stop. You look beautiful.”

“Says you.”

Violet stepped ahead of Jazlyn. “Hi, I’m Violet.” She extended her hand and shook Gentry’s warmly. “It’s so nice to meet the woman responsible for my Sam’s smile. Even though, you did take her entirely too far away from me.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Gentry replied.

“Are you a hugger?” Jazlyn stepped in between Gentry and Violet. “I’m a hugger. Do you mind?”

Gentry looked at Sam and then extended her arm to Jazlyn. “I don’t mind at all.”

Jazlyn was careful to hug over the top of her belly. “This place you’ve got here is amazing.”

“Thank you.” Gentry intertwined her fingers in between Sam’s and held it tightly. She felt Sam’s thumb rub over her finger. “Would y’all like a tour after dinner? We’ll be walking back this way anyway.”

“Wait. We’re walking to dinner?” Violet stopped abruptly and looked at the table with lighting above it. “But I thought…” She pointed to it.

Sam nudged her with her free arm. “Keep it moving, sister. You’ll live.”

Violet laughed…a little. “But, I mean seriously. We’re really walking. Like, how far are we talking here?”

Sam patted her pockets. “Damn, I forgot my credit card. I’ll be right back.”

Gentry stopped her with a pull of her arm. “I’ll get it. You stay with your friends. Show them the view from the rocks we like to sit out on.”

Sam smiled and kissed Gentry’s forehead. “You got it. But hurry back. I’m freaking starving.”

Gentry strolled to Sam’s SUV. She needed a moment to catch her breath and this gave her the perfect excuse. She did fine in crowds. It wasn’t that. It was more the expectations of what new people would want to talk about. The whole getting to know you concept made her completely uneasy. She looked in the glove compartment of Sam’s dashboard and then her cupholders but couldn’t find a card.

“Aw,” she said as she flipped down the visor. A small paper photo fell into the driver’s seat. She held the ultrasound photo in her hand and watched Sam as she walked with her friends. She felt a nagging pang in her gut. “Expectations,” she murmured. She tucked the photo back under the visor.

“This place is kickin’ tonight,” Sam said to Katie, the waitress.

“You two should’ve been here last night. The fishing’s been good this week so everyone’s letting off a little steam and celebrating.” Katie tucked her pencil behind her ear. “Got you some new ones with you tonight.”

“Katie, these are my best friends from back home.” She pointed to Violet and Jazlyn as she called their names.

“Nice to have you up this way. Come over here. I think I’ve got a place where you might actually be able to hear each other talking.” Katie directed them through the open-air establishment.

Many of the eateries favored by the locals were much like this one with most everything set up outside. There was a large prep area with steam pots and grills on the right. A couple of the cooks waved at Sam and Gentry as they passed by. The women squeezed in behind Katie to fit through the men and women standing at the bar. They came to a table tucked in the back corner next to a clump of trees.

Jazlyn was careful not to hit her head on the Coca-Cola umbrella above the table when she sat down. “This place is fantastic.”

Sam smiled. “I thought you would like it. It’s a local favorite.” She nudged Gentry. “We’ve been coming a few weeks now, haven’t we? The food is great. I think Gentry comes because she likes the music.”

“Hey, it’s hard to find a place that plays good rock-n-roll anymore.” Gentry sat down on the bench seat. “Play me some good stuff tonight, Katie.”

“You got it.” She winked at Gentry. “Alright, ladies, what’ll you have to drink?”

“Let’s have three Atlantic Real Ales and a water.”

“You got it.” Katie kneeled down next to Gentry. “I got some of that decaffeinated prickly pear hibiscus tea I told you about. Want to try it?”

“Sure,” Gentry said excitedly. “I’d love to.” She smiled at Sam. It was nice to have another option other than water.

“Scratch that,” Sam said. “We’ll have three Atlantic Real Ales and a special tea.”

Violet sat next to Jazlyn. “That was nice of them to order a special tea for you.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty cool here,” Gentry said.

It wasn’t but a few minutes before Katie returned with the drinks. “This rounds on Earl, ladies.” Katie nodded her head to the bar and set the beers down on the table. She put the tea in front of Gentry. “I hope you like it. By the way, Big Earl says you owe him a dance.”

Everyone at the table looked around to see a large man grinning from ear-to-ear. When he saw the ladies looking his way, he stood up, tucked his thumbs inside his suspenders, and brought them away from his body.

“You better watch that baby if he starts gyrating around you. His belly is at least four times the size of yours.” Katie used her pencil as a pointer. “Earl, sit your ass back down and leave these ladies alone for once.”

“Sam, I’m gonna get Bertha this year, I tell you,” Earl screamed out.

“You better build a bigger trap then, Earl,” Sam yelled back at him.

Earl scoffed her off with a wave of his hand, grinned again, and raised his beer in the air at them. “Cheers.”

“Alright, we having the usual tonight?” Katie asked.

Sam glanced at Violet and Jazlyn. “Y’all want a menu or do you want us to order?”

Violet shrugged to Jazlyn. “Go for it.”

“Looks like it’s the usual, Katie,” Sam said.

“You got it,” Katie said and walked to her next table.

Jazlyn tasted the beer. “Whoa. This is pretty good.”

“It sure is. It’s a local brew. The brewery is right down the road. We thought we would take you there after our hike tomorrow. It’s nothing like I expected. When you drive up, you think you took the wrong turn because it looks like someone’s white house with an ivy growing up their front porch. But it’s actually the hops growing there. It’s crazy cool how their crop is planted all around the place.”

“Our hike?’ Violet asked Sam. “You hike?”

Sam laughed. “Yes, I hike. I’m taking you to Great Head Trail. You’ll love it. It’s got some tricky inclines but not too bad. The whole hike is stunning.”

“Are you going with us, Gentry?” Violet asked.

“I’m working and would otherwise meet up with you for a part of it, but they’ve put me on rested duty in the Welcome Center.”

Sam leaned into Gentry’s side. “Stop. It won’t be much longer now. You know you don’t need to be alone on those trails when you’re seven-months pregnant.”

Gentry rolled her eyes. “Yes, Doctor.” Gentry turned her attention to Violet and Jazlyn. “It’s a gorgeous hike. The start is from the east of Sand Beach with the trail leading you along the cliffs. If you’d rather go up the steep inclines more than down them, go to the right at the start of the trail. That’s the one Sam and I do. Well, before I became fifteen-months pregnant we did. Now I’m a slug and don’t do anything at all.”

“We’ve been watching her blood pressures,” Sam said.

“Ah,” Violet said as she nodded.

Sam gestured to Violet. “Violet’s the head of the Department of OB/Gyn at UAB, where I used to attend. She’s one helluva surgeon.”

Violet had made an internal vow to herself not to bring up anything relating to Sam’s career or rather lack thereof, but this open door was too much for her to pass up. “Not nearly as good as you would’ve been had you stayed in it.” She took her eyes from Sam to Gentry. “She had the best hands I’d seen in a very long while. She reminded me of myself when I was starting out—only better.”

“On that note, I’m going to grab another beer.” Sam stood up of from the picnic-style table.

“I’ll come with you,” Jazlyn said before she drained the last of her beer. “Are you about ready, Vi?” She picked up the bottle in front of Vi and swirled it. “We’ll grab three.”

Violet watched as they walked up to the crowded bar. She closed her eyes and held her lips tightly pierced. “She hates when I say things like that.” She lightly slammed her fist down on the table. “I told myself not to say anything about her career on this trip. Finally, I’m starting to see my friend again. Finally, after all she went through. Damnit if I could stop myself from saying something to bring up the past.” She rubbed her temples with her middle fingers. “I’m a terrible friend, Gentry. Just terrible.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“I wish that were true, but you don’t really know me.”

“I know how your friend describes you. I know all of the things she has told me about you. How her face lights up when she talks about you. I know how much she has been looking forward to this visit. She’s planned out every second that you’re going to be here. There’s nothing about any of that which tells me you’ve been a bad friend to her.”

Violet’s eyebrows raised as she listened to Gentry. “She will be a wonderful doctor whatever practice she chooses. I shouldn’t pressure her.”

“She is a wonderful doctor. She doesn’t feel pressured by you. She knows it’s because you miss her. I will tell you this—the clinic loves her. Her patients love her. I listen to them talking when I’m sitting in the waiting room. She’s already made a name for herself here.”

Violet craned her neck to look over Gentry’s shoulder toward the bar. Jazlyn and Sam were right in the mix of the crowd, laughing and talking as they drank their beers. “She looks happy. You’ve been good for her, Gentry.”

Gentry looked over her shoulder to see Sam lift her chin in the air at her. She was standing next to Big Earl, no doubt hearing some wild fishing tale. They shared a smile. “She’s been good for me too. We’ve become really good friends.”

“Friends?”

Gentry’s eyes were with earnest of her words. “Yes, friends. Great friends.”

“And the baby? What’s to become of your friendship with the baby.”

Violet was a beautiful woman. She had delicate facial features with high cheekbones, a slender nose ending in the tiniest of points, lips full yet proportionate to her thin face, and soft brown eyes that gave no inclination to the woman beneath them. Gentry did not feel threatened or mind her directness at all. She rather appreciated it and admired it. “I hope it can continue.”

“Unchanged?”

“I hope so.”

“Okay so, Big Earl says he’s building a trap to catch Bertha.” Sam laughed as she set Violet’s beer in front of her. She and Jazlyn had brought back two each for themselves.

Jazlyn scooted in next to Violet. “Vi, you’ve got to hear this. Craziest shit I’ve ever heard.”

“There’s a story of a lobster that is four-foot-tall and at least ninety-pounds in these waters. One night, not long after we started coming here, Big Earl came over to visit. We made friends and the next thing we know, he’s got us out on his fishing boat. That man eats, sleeps, and breathes lobster fishing. He has had a license since he was ten years old. He is one of a few who fishes year-round. Anyway, he was out there telling us about this huge ass lobster they’ve named Bertha and how he was going to be the one to catch her one day.” Sam nudged Gentry with her arm. “I was looking at the traps he used and asked him how he was going to catch a four-foot lobster in a three-foot trap.”

Gentry laughed and said, “She did, and he looked at her like she had two heads.”

“The man had never considered that. He scratched his head and huffed.” Sam directed the rest to Gentry. “Apparently, he wants us to be there the day he launches it.”

Violet’s face still held her and Gentry’s conversation on it, though she did give a small laugh. Jazlyn, however, was wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. She was rolling as Sam told Violet the story.

“That Big Earl is a character,” Jazlyn said.

Sam leaned over closer to Gentry. “I’m afraid you’re in trouble tonight.”

“How so?”

“He figured it out.”

Gentry turned on the bench to face Earl. He had been watching to see her reaction when Sam told her his message. He stepped away from the crowd and did his best impression of John Travolta’s disco dance.

“Oh dear Lord,” Gentry said.

“Exactly that,” Sam said. “He’s been trying to get Gentry to dance with him ever since she and he talked about music. She told him if he ever figured out her favorite singer, she would dance with him.” Sam winked at Gentry. “Afraid he’s got you tonight.”

“This I have to see,” Jazlyn said.

“Hope you brought your appetites,” Katie said as she placed her tray on its stand. She unloaded four circular tin platters from it to place them in front of the women. Each tray had a lobster in the center surrounded by freshly steamed clams and mussels. She placed two empty beach pails in the center of the table. “Don’t forget to save room for blueberry pie.”

“You have pie tonight?” Sam asked.

Katie smiled. “Yep.”

Gentry picked up a clam. “Better go ahead and get the wheel barrel to carry me out of here tonight.”

Katie laughed. “You got it, girlfriend.”

“Rayne would say these are the biggest crawfish she’s ever seen.” Jazlyn didn’t catch the slip of the name until she felt Violet’s hand slap her leg under the table. Her mouth flew open. “Sam, I’m sorry.”

Gentry wiped her fingers on her napkin and placed her hand behind Sam’s back. She rubbed the small of it tenderly with her thumb. Sam bent over to kiss Gentry lightly on the shoulder. “No worries, Jaz. I’m okay.”

“I see that,” Violet said as she smiled at Gentry.

Gentry didn’t notice the lull in the music as she was intensely trying to clean her hands after making hash of the seafood platter in front of her. Gentry’s eyes instantly went to Sam when she heard the song’s introduction with the snare drum. “You’ve got to be kidding me. He figured it out.”

“That he did.” Sam’s eyes went toward the direction of the movement behind her.

Gentry didn’t have to turn around to know she was watching Big Earl walk through the picnic tables to the grassy area where people would dance when the mood hit them.

“They’re playing our song,” Earl yelled out.

“Did you help him figure it out?” Gentry asked Sam.

“Not one bit.” Sam was getting a pretty big kick out of Earl doing it all on his own. She straddled the bench seat for a better position to watch them dance to Tom Petty.

Gentry shook her head and ran her hand down Sam’s arm to hold her hand as she stood up. With their arms stretched out together, she sang, “We’ve got something we both know it. We don’t talk much about it.” She swayed her hips to the music as she danced backward toward Earl, never taking her eyes from Sam.

For the briefest of moments, Sam forgot where she sat. She didn’t hear the chatter of the conversations surrounding her or the noise from the bar. She didn’t even give mind to the expressions on Violet and Jazlyn’s faces. What she did sense was the dusk of evening with a chill in the air and utter absorption of Gentry’s dance. The woman herself was in a different world. Escaped somehow into a song. She danced next to Earl as if she had no recollection or acknowledgment he was next to her.

Gentry’s head boughed and her shoulders rocked. Sam watched as her lips sang, “Somewhere…somehow, somebody must’ve kicked you around some.” A pang to her heart stabbed her like a spear to the truth of those words. But then as if a force of energy had shot through her and the basketball-sized belly she carried, she threw her arm into the air to point her index finger to the sky. This time, Sam not only saw her mouth move, she could actually hear her singing, “Honey, it don’t make no difference to me, baby. Everybody’s got to fight to be free.”

Jazlyn drummed her hands to the beat on the wooden table. “Look at her go. She looks like she’s dancing on air.”

“She is.” Sam realized in the moment of being entranced with Gentry’s dance that every piece of her seemed to fit together like a puzzle—right down to her favorite singer. Sam was beaming as she stood up quickly to join them out on the grass.

Jazlyn nudged Violet. “Come on, woman. Let’s get our groove on.”

Violet laughed and took Jazlyn’s hand. The three of them sang together as they circled Gentry and Earl. “You don’t have to live like a refugee. Baby, you don’t have to live like a refugee.”

At the end of the song, Earl wiped the sweat from his brow, grabbed at his chest, and tried to catch his breath. “You ladies rock. Next round’s on me.” He stumbled off back to his stool at the bar.

Jazlyn, Violet, and Gentry started to follow them to the table but Sam stopped Gentry by placing her hand on her shoulder. “Hey. This next one’s for me.” She stepped in behind her to nestle Gentry’s back against her chest. She whispered in her ear as she wrapped her arms around her. “Although you sing it much better.”

Gentry relaxed into Sam and let her head fall against her as the song began to play.

Violet stopped abruptly but was encouraged by Jazlyn to keep walking. Violet tried to shake her off but Jazlyn was persistent. “Come on, Vi. Let them have their time.”

“But Jaz?”

“No buts. Let them be.” Jazlyn pulled Violet’s hand.

Again, there was nothing but Gentry. Sam held her in her arms and swayed to the song that had once comforted her in the night. Gentry’s guitar and voice had stolen the tears when she had felt them take her very breath. Softly in her ear, Sam sang, “I have seen no other who compares with you.”

Gentry joined Sam in the chorus. She closed her eyes to see the nude silhouette of Sam. It had sparked her to want to sing to her. Not the sexual need she had come to feel when she was close to Sam’s body but rather the heart beneath the body. That night, she had seen the rawness of Sam’s pain and had felt such an intense need to ease it that she sang, “Wildflowers” for her. She felt Sam’s arms wrap tighter around her. She was in her blanket of safety and freedom.

Sam nuzzled her nose through the strands of Gentry’s hair. She breathed in deeply its scent and slid her hands over the top of Gentry’s belly. She melted into the feeling of the baby kick inside. Complete. The word appeared into her head as if her own piece of a puzzle popped into place. With Gentry and the baby snuggled in her arms, Sam’s chest expanded with the fullness of serenity she felt.

The fear she had tasted at many little points in the evening overwhelmed Violet. She held her friend in her eyes and worried for yet again the heartache that was surely to come.

Jazlyn recognized the expression on her face. “Baby, what’s wrong?” She ran her hand over the top of Violet’s arm.

“I don’t know how much more she can take.”

“Take? What do you mean?”

“How many times her heart can be broken, Jaz? How many times can it and she make it back?”

“Vi, what do you mean? She looks good. Great even.” Jazlyn looked back at the couple dancing alone in the grass. “Look at her.”

Violet’s top lip seemed even thinner with the grimace she held. “I see her, Jaz. I see her.”

Gentry had been left to her thoughts on their walk back to her bus after dinner. The foursome was quiet, all but the sound of rocks shifting under their feet. She had let her and Sam’s dance play on repeat in her mind. Briefly, she paused them to tell Violet and Jazlyn good night. “I had a good time tonight.” She rolled down the sleeves of Addie’s shirt but left her hand in Sam’s.

“Me too.” Sam winked at her before turning her head in the direction of the churring sounds of nightjar birds. “It’s a beautiful night tonight. Perfect timing for our dinner.” She looked back at Jaz and Violet as they sat in the SUV waiting for her to walk Gentry to Big Blue.

“Thank you for inviting me to meet your friends. You’ve got some pretty good ones there.”

Sam brought the back of Gentry’s hand to her lips to kiss it. “They’re in good company tonight because I’ve got a pretty good one right here too.”

“Ditto.” Gentry proudly paraphrased Sam’s coin phrase.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us tomorrow night?”

“Trust me. I want to come but I don’t think I’ll feel up to it after working a full day.” Gentry felt the swelling in her ankles that she desperately tried to pretend wasn’t happening most every night. The throbbing at the end of the work day had started to become a real nuisance as she liked to term it. “I’ve been kind of tired lately.”

A line formed between Sam’s eyebrows. “You didn’t tell me about this. When did you start having problems?”

“I talked with Dr. Waggoner about it at my last appointment. She said everything was fine. That it’s normal. She said something about watching my blood pressure but that’s all.” Gentry used her arms to help pull herself up onto the first step of the bus. “I overdid it a little tonight. That’s all.”

Sam held the sides of Gentry’s waist to assist her into the bus. She looked through the window to check on Violet and Jazlyn sitting in the vehicle. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Sam,” Gentry said as she turned to her, “please don’t be worried. That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you. You had then and still do have too much on your plate to add another worry.”

“I have nothing on my plate.”

Gentry placed her hand under Sam’s chin and ran her thumb across her bottom lip. “You had just gotten back from Atlanta. It wasn’t the time.”

“From now on, I want to know everything. You hear me? Every. Thing. The minute it happens, no matter what.” She leaned in and kissed Gentry softly. “Promise me,” she murmured against them.

Gentry’s kiss was receptive and completely reciprocal of the depth Sam had given her. Soft and accepting of the apparent lack of deepening the kiss. “I promise.” She ran her tongue over the top of her lip when Sam pulled away. She missed her attention toward her. As she had learned throughout her life, people will be who they will be. Perhaps her time with Sam in that manner had passed. If it had, she would adapt to the changes in their lines of friendship and enjoy the companion she had in Sam.

Sam caught a hint of a new expression in Gentry’s eyes. It was one she had not seen before, yet she could not put definition to it. “Are you okay?”

Gentry forced a smile. “Perfectly fine.”

“Okay. I’ll believe you.” Sam put her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. “Can I come over after I drop them off at the airport?”

“When is that?”

“Day after tomorrow around six.”

“Sure. I’d like that. I’ll make us something to eat.”

“Or you won’t and you’ll get off of your feet. We can order something.” Sam tapped the end of Gentry’s nose and then bent over to kiss Gentry’s belly. “You be good to your Momma while I’m gone, little one.”

Gentry bit the inside of her cheek. “Good night, Sam.”

Sam kissed her again as she had before. “Good night.”

On her way back to her Xterra, she heard Timber’s words in her head. She bit her lip and thought of the ease in which it felt to kiss Gentry’s belly. Gentry was thinking of it too.

Violet briskly ran her hands over her arms. “I’m more worried about this one than I ever was about Rayne.” She reached down to adjust the temperature dial.

“Aw, babe, I think they’re a cute couple,” Jazlyn said.

“That’s just it.” Violet watched the silhouette of Sam and Gentry in the bus. “They’re not a couple. There’s Sam and then there’s Gentry.”

“Are you kidding me? Did you not see the same dance I saw?”

“I saw it, alright.”

“It was the sweetest thing I think I’ve ever seen.” Jazlyn felt the heat blowing into the backseat and adjusted it off of her.

Violet pursed her lips. “Jaz, do you not see the dissociation in her? I’ve seen women that didn’t connect with their babies. Of course I’ve seen many of those, especially the ones who are planning on adopting. I’ve always thought it to be their armor. But this is something different. She’s dissociated with everything and everyone—you, me, Sam.” Violet tapped the window. “She’s like that big blue bus right there. She’s on wheels. At any given moment, she can pick up and move on. No foundation holding her down.”

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be practicing psych instead of OB?” Jazlyn cracked her window. “I was envious of the way they held each other.”

Violet turned quickly to look at Jazlyn in the back seat. “What’re you saying? Why would you be envious of it?”

Jazlyn caught the squinting of Violet’s eyes but looked away as she heard Sam’s footsteps approaching. “Shhh. Here she comes.” Jazlyn pulled herself up against the back of Violet’s seat. “Are you going to tell her about Rayne and Mo?”

“I have no idea.”

Chapter 21

Gentry grabbed two pillows from the bed and tossed them over onto the couch. She positioned them to elevate her legs and leaned back to stare at the ceiling of the bus. The naturality of Sam’s kiss on her belly and the talking to follow had her mind racing. She massaged her temples in a failed effort to reduce Sam’s voice in her head. She picked up the booklet Dr. Waggoner had given her of prospective couples wishing to adopt. She forcefully flipped through the pages before throwing it across the floor.

“Ugh,” she moaned. “Why?”

In truth, she had already looked through the profiles more than once and none of them seemed to grab her. She rolled her head to the side to stare out into the sky.

Momma. Little one. Again, she heard Sam’s voice. Her eyes widened to the sight of a falling star as the name rang through her thoughts.

“No,” she vehemently said. “Absolutely no.” She raised her arms in the air. “Universe, I’m sorry, but if you are trying to tell me I’m going to be a momma and keep this baby, we’re going to have to have some serious discussions.” She didn’t run her hands over her tummy as she eyed her belly. She had stopped doing that when she began to feel the baby move toward her when she did. “I can’t do it. Maybe. Maybe if this had happened years down the line. Maybe then. But not now. This can’t be my path. I’m just starting my life.” She closed her eyes and arched her neck to let her head fall over the armrest. “Please. I beg you. Please let me feel like I’ve finally got some say so in how I want to live my life. Please.” Her pleading prayers were given with hope of the answer she wished would come.

It had been a wonderful couple of days. Some of those when life felt like it had purpose again. She sat in her Adirondack chair and stared out at the Atlantic Ocean peppered with sailboat lights.

“It has a calming beauty to it, doesn’t it?” Violet asked as she leaned against the patio door.

“Hey, you. I thought you and Jaz were asleep.”

“She most definitely is. You wore her ass out.” In the absence of interior lighting, her creamed-coffee colored skin made her teeth seem all the more brilliantly white as she smiled. “May I sit with you?”

“Of course.” Sam grabbed the decorative, albeit quite uncomfortable, pillow from the Adirondack chair next to her and put it across her lap. “It was a great day.” Sam rubbed her thighs under her jeans. “But yes, very tiring too.”

“You’ve got a wonderful place here, my friend.” Violet raised her chin in the air to smell the salty sea air. She pulled her hoodie over her head and tossed her bangs to remove them from her eyes.

“Thanks. I knew you’d like it here. You always did like your beach house over Birmingham. I come out here most every night before I turn in.”

“I can see why.” Violet pointed to the binoculars sitting on the patio table that sat in between them. “What do you see with these?”

“Not too much at night. Especially when it’s not a full moon. But in the day or at dusk, you can point them to that island over there and see seals and puffins if you’re lucky.” Sam ran her finger over the eye piece. “Gentry brought them over for me.” She had missed her on their hike. Although, the blue painted lines marking the trail was a constant reminder of her as they hiked the Greater Head Trail.

“She seems like a wonderful woman.”

“Oh, she is, Vi. She really is an amazing woman. When I think of everything about her, it only intensifies how truly amazing she is. Did I tell you that she painted every single line we saw today on the trail?”

“Ummm, yes.” Violet’s teeth sparkled again with her smile. “Actually, many times.”

“Sorry.” Sam took a sip of her drink.

“Don’t apologize for that. Apologize for not offering me a drink. What’s that you’ve got there anyway?” Violet nodded her head to the glass in Sam’s hand.

“Oooh. It’s cocktail that I learned from Timber. So smooth. It’s tequila and club soda with a twist of lime. Do you want me to make you one?” Sam shook the ice in her glass. “I could use a refresher.”

“Sure.” All day long, Violet had avoided a serious conversation about Gentry which was very difficult as Sam continuously mentioned her. It could have been so easy to have anything she said as an opener for a discussion. But she was enjoying Sam’s happiness immensely and didn’t want anything to darken it. As Sam stood up to go fix them a drink, she knew this was as good of a time as any. “You didn’t tell me she was pregnant.”

Sam stopped as she was rounding the patio door, gripped her hand along the edge of it, and leaned her upper body back into the patio. “It’s not mine, in case you’re wondering.”

Violet laughed a throaty laugh. “Um, yes. I seem to remember the implausibility of it being yours from that course in school.” Violet lifted the binoculars to gaze up into the wanton stars over the water. She listened as Sam prepared them a drink. She waited until she heard her walking back before she continued her conversation. “May I ask why you didn’t tell me? Seems an awfully important tidbit to share about your new girlfriend.”

Sam held the glass over Violet’s shoulder. “Well, for one, she’s not my girlfriend. We’re just friends.”

“I most certainly have to disagree with that,” Violet interrupted. “You two are far more than just friends.”

Sam could not hold back the expanding grin. “Okay. We’re friends with very special benefits.” She took a swallow of her drink and let the liquid slowly flow down her throat. “Fucking mind-blowing benefits to be more exact.”

Violet leaned up so quickly in her chair that a few drops of her full glass spilled over onto her pants. “I knew it!” She exclaimed. “I fucking knew it.” She shook her head. “I’ve never been with a pregnant woman before but those hormones have got to just be wild in there. Like uninhibited wild.”

Sam let her mind wander to their last escapade on the couch. She felt the swirl low in her belly as she remembered the pull of her hair as Gentry screamed her release. She bit her lip as her grin grew again. “You have absolutely no idea.”

Violet slapped Sam’s arm. “You’re an ass. A total ass.”

The women laughed together as they sipped their drink.

“Certainly, you get no argument from me with the whole friends with benefit scenario. But, Sam, even you have to see there’s more to you two than friends. Those googly eyes you shared and that dance. Good Lord, that dance you had. Even friends with benefits don’t have that. Friends with benefits is sex. Period. Sex. What you two show is intimate. And that crosses the just friends line by leaps and bounds.”

Sam sat quietly and sipped her drink.

“And the baby?” Violet asked.

Sam looked out across the ocean. Without mentally recognizing her search, she calmed to the sound of the buoy’s ding as she heard it. There was her thing. Gentry had described it to her. The thing she would find in the silence that her soul needed for comfort. She listened to it once more before speaking. Her chest expanded. “She’s not keeping her.”

“The father? What does he want?”

“It was a one-time thing. For all I know, he doesn’t even know about the baby. I’m pretty sure they’ve had no contact since the night it happened. I’m not even sure if she knows how to contact him.”

“Hmmm.”

“Don’t think like that, Vi. Trust me. She’s not like that. It was a one-night stand at an extremely weak moment in her life. And let me tell you, this woman is anything but weak.”

“And you? How are you with her not keeping the baby?”

“Me?” Sam pointed to her chest. “It’s not up to me at all, Vi. I’ve got no skin in this game.”

“Don’t you?”

“Absolutely not. Why would you even think that? We may be friends with extracurricular activities but that’s it. Our lives are completely separate otherwise.”

“Uh huh. I see.” Violet lifted her glass to her lips. “And the picture in your SUV? The one sticking out from under the visor. Am I to believe that’s an ultrasound of a patient and not Gentry?”

Sam pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled loudly. She had not remembered the picture sticking out. To her recollection, she had kept it completely hidden under the visor. She was thankful they hadn’t driven anywhere as Gentry may have easily seen it too. “What do you want me to say, Vi?”

“You could start with the truth and stop pretending I don’t know my best friend. Sam, you constantly hold that baby now and it’s not even born. Do you not recognize that? You touch her belly more than she does. I actually didn’t see her rub it at all. So, I’m in no way surprised she’s giving it up for adoption. She’s completely dissociated from it. But you? You pick up where she doesn’t.” Violet searched the darkness of the patio to find the blue of Sam’s eyes. She looked directly in them. “You danced with two people the other night. A very sensual dance with Gentry but yet utterly and completely caressing to that baby she’s carrying.” She placed her hand on Sam’s arm. “Honey, you’re going to be hurt if you don’t get control of this. I don’t know how to watch you hurt so badly again. Not so soon after…” Violet stopped before she said her name.

“You can say her name, Vi. I’m not some egg that’s going to crack if you say her name.”

“What if I don’t want to say her name? What if it’s all I can do to support my wife’s friendship with her? Yet I fight wanting to slap her every time I see her. Especially now that she’s dating Mo.” Pain flashed against the piercing pressure of her teeth upon her tongue as she bit down hard with regret of the words she had not stopped.

Sam didn’t jump up, flinch, or make any sudden movement. Rather, she bent her leg up into the chair against her chest and placed her forehead on her exposed knee from the hole in her jeans. The skin over it was cool from the chill in the air. Hadn’t she known it would come to this when she said they needed to move on even after Rayne so desperately tried for another chance? Didn’t something within her know she was leaving Rayne to Mo’s ways the moment she walked away from her? She felt the tightness in her throat threatening the tears to form. She released her grip and left her drink to sit on the widened armrest of her chair as she wrapped her arms tightly around her bent leg. She felt herself rocking in the stationary chair.

Violet could do nothing more than watch the pain she had given her friend. Watch and curse herself for the inconsiderate witch she felt she was at that moment. She looked out at the bay and watched the daunting lull of a sailboat rocking in the waves that sloshed against it. She had brought this turmoil to Sam’s peace. She noted the decorations adorning her patio of a ship’s wheel hung in the center of the wall with old lobster buoys tied with rope on each of its sides. “I’m so sorry I said anything at all. I’m such an idiot,” she said as she rubbed Sam’s back.

Sam raised her head to place her chin on her knee. “You’re not an idiot. I mean, I knew, right? It’s not like she wouldn’t have gotten with her. I left her there. I walked away.”

“This is not on you.”

“I love her, Vi. I’ll always love her, but I played my part in it.” She turned her head to the side to see her friend and shrugged her shoulders “Plus, it’s not exactly like I’ve not moved on too.”

“Have you?”

“What are you talking about? You just said you were worried about me with Gentry. Isn’t that because you see us together?”

Violet slid out of the chair to sit on her knees at the bottom of Sam’s chair. “No.” She wrapped her arm around Sam’s leg and laid her head against it. “I see you with Gentry. I don’t see the same in her. My dearest friend, when are you going to find someone who can love you the way you love them?”

A wave crashed over the rocks at the base of the cliff, sending its spray into the beam of the lighthouse. Sam listened for the bell of the buoy with its cadence.

Chapter 22

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Sam answered and turned down the volume on her radio.

“Are you still coming over?”

“Shit, Gentry. I’m sorry,” Sam said remorsefully when she noted the time. “I lost track of time.”

“What’re you doing?”

“Just riding around.” She felt the sting of her newly sunburned arm as it laid across the door of her Xterra. “It’s a beautiful day out.”

“It is. I’ve just come in to get cleaned up.”

“Yeah?”

Gentry studied the outfits laid across her bed. It seemed she found herself here too many times with her expanding belly. Nothing at all seemed to fit any longer. Even the outfits she had specifically bought for this stage of her pregnancy. It was one of those days where she didn’t want anything too tight. “Hey, if you want to cancel today, we can. I don’t want you coming over if you’d rather be doing something else.”

Sam pressed her palms into the steering wheel. “No, I’m sorry. It’s not that at all. I want to see you. I need to see you.”

“But?” Gentry slipped the black and white patterned dress over her head.

“I don’t know. I dropped Vi and Jaz off about an hour ago and thought maybe I would drive around for a little while. Guess I lost track of time.”

“Are you missing them or home? Sad they left?”

“Well, yes, but it’s not really that.” Sam tasted the salt in the air as it blew through the open windows when she rounded the cliff. Rayne’s face from her dreams the night before unfolded as one of the reminders as to why she had avoided going straight to Gentry’s bus. She was not ready to discuss that topic. “Vi just said some stuff that I can’t stop thinking about.”

“She’s worried about you.” Gentry shoved her foot into her boot. “Especially where I’m concerned.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“It wasn’t so hard to read. It was written all over her face and only got worse after we danced. She hardly said another word to me after that.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t notice.”

“First,” she put on her other boot, “stop apologizing so much. Second, it’s totally fine and I would expect nothing else with the way you’ve talked about her. She’s your best friend, Sam. She should have your back.”

“Somehow, I always seem to forget how much you amaze me. I should’ve known by now that would’ve been your perception.”

“Exactly, so why don’t you tell me the real reason why you’re dodging me.”

Dreams of Rayne filled her thoughts again. Along the drive, she had forced every thought of Rayne to be thrown from her mind the moment it occurred. Instead of harboring on those thoughts, she would picture Gentry and all of the happiness she had brought her. However, she knew trying to hide the force it was taking to keep Rayne from her thoughts would be painfully evident with one look from Gentry. She caught the reflection of her dark circles under her eyes in the rearview mirror as she looked for cars behind her. Sam clicked on her blinker to make a U-turn in the store’s parking lot to head back toward Gentry’s campground. “It’s Rayne.”

“I thought maybe that was the case. Do you want to tell me about it?”

“She’s moved on,” Sam said without an attempt to disguise the sadness in her words. “She’s moved on with Mo. They’re dating.”

“Ah.” Gentry held the tip of her mascara in her hand. She saw the void in the green of her eyes. She had given Sam all she could give her. She had not hidden how much she had come to enjoy her company and the times with her. Regardless, love was the one thing she could not give her. She stepped back from the floor-length mirror. Perhaps it wasn’t the pregnant belly lifting the dress from her body that had of recent kept Sam from making advances to the physical side of their friendship. Maybe it was the lack of the ability to be more of what Rayne had apparently found. “And you haven’t? Is that it? She’s found someone to move on with but you haven’t.”

“I have you.”

“True. You have a friend in me.”

“I have far more than that.”

“Again, true. But do you feel like you’re missing something because you know we won’t be more than this. Sam, if you have the longing to find a girlfriend…”

“I don’t,” Sam interrupted. Throughout her drive, she had wrestled with the questions Violet had posed. With the tone in Gentry’s voice, she immediately realized she didn’t care much for the answers those questions seem to want. Spending time with Gentry had made her happy. What Rayne was or was not doing had no effect on that. Searching for definitive answers had in fact driven her and Rayne apart. This time, she had no plans to push envelopes never meant to open. She depressed the gas pedal further down. “Okay? I don’t. You make me happy. I’m happy when I’m with you. All of the shit that was brought up while they were here. All of the doubts and unknowns I used to feel aren’t worth losing that. I’m on my way. Fuck all of that other stuff. I want to see you because it’s what I want, not for any other reason.”

Gentry brushed some blush across the cheekbones of the smile Sam had created. “Well, alright then. I’ll see you soon.”

The gravel spun from her back tires as she skidded to a stop next to Gentry’s bus. Music streaming from the windows only further affirmed Sam’s feelings of wanting need to see Gentry. Her feet danced across the pebbles as she reached the open doors. The singer was unknown to her but her voice was a silky falsetto against a piano and single snare drum. Her breath became thick and caught in her throat with the first sight of Gentry’s back to her. Apparently, she had not heard her drive up or come to stand behind her. She was lost somewhere in the soft, breathy voice as it sang in a low range. Her cowboy boots shuffled across the wooden floor. The hem of her free-flowing dress rose and fell below the bend of her knee with each sway of her hip.

Gentry hips dipped even lower as she sang with the music, “Like the desert waiting for the rain. Like a school kid waiting for the spring.” And lower still before she rose back up. “I’m just sitting here waiting for you to come on home and turn me on.”

Even if she had not meant the song for Sam, it was accomplishing the very thing the chorus sang of. Slowly, she slipped up behind Gentry and wrapped her arms around her. She felt Gentry’s chest expand as it lay against her.

“Mmmmmm. You smell so good,” she hummed as she moved her hips with Sam’s.

Sam molded her body against Gentry’s and purred in her ear, “Not nearly as good as you feel.”

The warmth of Sam’s words raised the hairs along the back of Gentry’s neck. She started to turn around but was stopped by Sam.

“No, don’t turn around.” Sam kissed the back of her neck. “Great song.”

Gentry grunted with pleasure when she felt the pressure of Sam’s teeth against her skin. “I like it.” Her words were as labored as her breath.

Sam dropped low behind her and let her nails dig into the skin along the sides of her legs as she trailed her hands up them. She felt the goose pimples along the back of Gentry’s thighs as she lifted the material of her dress up. She ran her hands along the satin underwear she found beneath it and slipped her finger inside the waistband as she reached her inner thigh. The groan of feeling Gentry against her skin escaped her lips before she could stop it. She felt Gentry’s weight shift to widen her stance. Not that Sam wasn’t feeling an emotional connection to Gentry. Not that she was back to the mere act of passion their previous interludes held. It wasn’t any of that. It was more the connection she felt was completely overpowered by the heat of Gentry’s appeal. Sam circled her faster with every vision of Gentry’s dress swaying against her smooth legs clad in cowboy boots. She felt the dress crumbled against her stomach as she stretched to reach her deeper. Gentry bowed over and held firmly onto the sides of the counter. Sam buried her nose into the cloth of her dress to breathe in her scent as she followed her. The muscles of Gentry’s forearms were contracted tightly as she gripped the sides of the countertop. She exploded her release to Sam the moment she entered her with her other hand.

“If I would’ve known this could happen, I can assure you I would’ve worn cowboy boots like every single day,” Gentry said with a lowness to her tone as she was still reeling from the effect caused by Sam’s touch.

“Is that a fact?”

Gentry ran her tongue over her bottom lip as she hummed. “Mmmm hmmm. That’s a fact. Let me catch my breath and it’s your turn.”

Sam chuckled a throaty laugh, her pulse not yet slowed from feeling the contractions and release of Gentry’s climax on her fingertips. “You’re on.” She pulled Gentry’s leg up over hers to let her stretch out across the couch. She trickled her fingers along the inside of her thigh. “The way your body responds to me feels completely incredible.”

Gentry opened one eye to Sam. “Feels pretty fucking incredible to me too.”

Sam’s eyebrows raised quickly and her mouth opened. “Listen to you with your naughty language.” She lightly pinched the skin of her thigh.

Gentry closed her eye and relaxed into the couch. She felt the stirrings of arousal with Sam’s feathery touch slowly trailing further up her thigh. “If you keep that up, Missy, you may get skipped again.”

“Keep what up?” Sam traced an imaginary line down Gentry’s leg with her middle finger. She cupped the back of her boot, pulled it loose and let it drop to the floor.

Gentry put her hand over her forehead and eyes. “It’s been so long and I’ve gotten so big. I didn’t think you wanted this anymore with me.”

Sam tugged Gentry’s sock free from her foot. “Wanted to what?” she asked with a sly smile.

“Don’t encourage me to use language again,” Gentry joked. “Look at me.” She pointed blindly to her belly. “Look at me. I’m as big as a house. Who would want this?”

Sam brought her fingers back to Gentry’s leg to run them along the inside. “Oh, I’m looking, alright, and I see a woman who excites me every time I’m around her. It’s all I can do not to touch you when I’m around you.”

“Then why haven’t you?”

Sam felt the dips of Gentry’s knee. “I don’t want you to think I’m some sex-crazed addict who only wants you for that purpose.”

Gentry smiled. “I could handle it.”

“I thought you didn’t want a relationship or commitment to anyone.”

“Sex is sex. The amount you have it…how much you have it, doesn’t ensure a relationship. It’s just sex.”

Sam huffed a snort of a laugh.

“What?”

“Seems I’ve heard that phrase somewhere before.”

“Well, whomever said it was spot on.”

Sam lifted Gentry’s leg higher onto her lap to expose a better pathway. She continued her trajectory toward the top of her inner thigh. “I’m glad you feel that way.” She lifted the lining of her underwear up to uncover Gentry to her. She ran her finger slowly up and down the revealed essence of her.

Gentry’s jaw clinched at the sensation it sent soaring through her.

“Are these your favorites?” Sam gently popped the waistband of her underwear.

“Not particularly.”

“Good.” Sam reached up to grab the scissors off of the counter next to her and gingerly cut a line through the material. The flap fell free to expose Gentry fully. Sam didn’t take her eyes from the explorations of her hand as she manipulated the effects it had on Gentry. She marveled in the moans that escaped her lips and the uninhibited way she let her back arch to reveal even more of herself to Sam. Sam felt her own hips begin to rock as she watched her finger disappear and then reappear from inside of Gentry. She tightly gripped the back of the couch until she felt Gentry’s hand within hers, their grip as tight as the one she had held upon the cushion. The clasp of their hands strengthened and released with each entrance of Sam’s fingers. Not once did she take her eyes from the sight of Gentry. She was mesmerized from beginning to the glorious end. The thud of Gentry’s other boot was nearly as loud as her scream when it came down hard against the wooden floor as her leg contracted with the final arch of her back.

Chapter 23

Timber walked into the room with Gentry’s chart tucked under her arm. “It was high,” she said to Sam more than Gentry. She walked to stand next to Gentry. “If you remember, we talked about your blood pressure being high the last time I saw you. It was high again today.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t crazy high,” Gentry said as she gauged the unspoken words being exchanged between Dr. Waggoner and Sam. “I mean, it wasn’t that much higher than normal was it?”

“It’s not really about how high it is but that it’s consistently been elevated.” Timber put her hand on Gentry’s shoulder. “Have you had any symptoms such as a headache, changes to your vision, or pain in your belly?”

“My vision has been fine, but I’ve had a few headaches here and there.”

“What?” Sam asked startled. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Gentry’s hair crinkled the paper covering the pillow as she turned to look at Sam. “Ummm, because it was only a headache.”

“Any abdominal pain at all?” Timber asked.

Gentry held her finger up to Sam in the form of no input needed from her. “Not too much.”

“But some? Can you show me where?”

Gentry rubbed her hand on her upper stomach slightly below her chest bone. “Usually right here.”

Sam held her hand out for the chart. “How high was the protein in her urinalysis?”

“Greater than two.” Timber positioned the ultrasound cart next to the exam table. “Let’s take a look to see how the baby is doing, okay?”

Gentry leaned up on her elbows. “For a minute, can we pretend I’m not a doctor and don’t actually understand any of what you two are saying.”

Sam brushed the bangs back straight across Gentry’s brow. “There’s something called preeclampsia where the moth…where the woman’s blood pressure elevates due to possible changes going on with the baby. Most times, these are easily monitored, but there are cases where other things are affected, such as the kidneys and liver. With your urine showing evidence of increased protein, there’s some concern your preeclampsia needs to be followed more closely.”

Gentry flinched at the cold gel as Dr. Waggoner squirted it onto her abdomen. “First,” she said, “let’s see how the baby looks.” She and Sam were quiet as she maneuvered the wand over her belly. Occasionally, she would roll the ball of the keyboard to mark small measurement marks on the screen. “The amniotic fluid looks good and the baby is growing well. So, that’s a very good thing.” She depressed the nurse call button on the wall above the sink.

Sam gently wiped the remaining gel from Gentry’s belly and pulled her shirt back down. “It’s going to be okay. You’re in my wheelhouse now. This time, I’ve got you.”

Dr. Waggoner’s nurse entered the room after two solid knocks on the door. “Yes, Dr. Waggoner? Did you need something?”

“Yes,” Timber said as she steadily kept writing on the sheet of her clipboard. “I’ve got admission orders here for Ms. Bell. Could you please call the OB floor at MDI for a direct admit? Let them know I’ll want a first a.m. complete blood count, creatinine level, and liver chemistries.”

“Wait. What?” Gentry’s eyes held fear for the first time since Sam had met her. “I have to go into the hospital?”

“Yes, but I don’t anticipate a lengthy admission. Probably only twenty-four to forty-eight hours. It’s just so we can monitor you more closely.”

Gentry gripped Sam’s shirt and tugged it hard. “Please, Sam. I don’t want to go to the hospital. Please.”

With urgency, Sam felt the need to take away whatever it was turning Gentry’s eyes this color green. She kissed her on her forehead and raised up to hold her eyes with hers. She didn’t look toward Timber as she spoke. “Timber, what if I take her by the lab and promise to keep a watch on her full time.” She held Gentry’s chin in between her fingers. “On one condition.”

“Anything.”

“You come to stay with me until further notice. I’ll admit you into Sam’s house of OB. Deal?”

“But Sam…”

“That’s the only way out of this. It’s either the hospital or my place. Take your pick. But I can guarantee you the food is better at mine. We’ll get take out like every night.”

“Low on the sodium,” Timber interrupted.

Gentry closed her eyes and yielded to her wishes. “Deal,” she whispered.

“Okay,” Dr. Waggoner said. “But I want to check you every week myself. Sam, let me know if she has any changes whatsoever.”

“Absolutely.”

“Of course, you know I want you off of work until I see you again. You’re right at thirty-six weeks, Ms. Bell. The baby looks good and we can induce labor, but I would like to do everything we can not to until at least thirty-eight weeks. You’ve got to take it easy over the next two weeks. Okay?”

“Yes, Dr. Waggoner. I’ll be good. I promise.”

Timber stopped as she was about to leave the room and turned to face Gentry. “Have you found any prospective couples for the adoption yet?”

Gentry looked over at the baby’s image frozen on the ultrasound monitor. She looked back at Sam who was studying it as well. “One has come to mind a few times, but I’ve not yet decided.”

“It’s no hurry. You take all the time you need. It’s not a decision to be taken lightly. Remember, we have counselors here if you need to talk with anyone about the feelings you may be having.”

“Thanks. But I think these are ones I’ve got to work out on my own.”

“Honey, I’m home.” Sam shut the door with her foot as she juggled her messenger bag and large pizza in her hands.

Sam saw Gentry’s arm raise up over the back of the sofa. “I’m here. Your slug of a house guest is still on the couch where you left her.” Jokingly, Gentry flexed her fingers but left the middle finger extended. “And you know how much I love it when you say that.”

Sam laughed to herself. In fact, she did know and has said it every time since she found out how much it annoyed Gentry. Sam walked around the couch and held the box of pizza over Gentry. “I guess I need to take this pizza somewhere else then.”

“Don’t you dare.” Gentry reached for it but Sam pulled it away before her hands were able to grab it.

“Uh, uh, uh. Kiss first.”

Gentry rolled her eyes and formed her lips into an exaggerated pucker that seemed even more so with the swelling in them. Over the last week, Sam had noted Gentry’s swelling to be increasing almost exponentially. She leaned over and kissed Gentry’s duck lips. “There, that’s better, honey.”

Gentry grunted at her. “I’m going to honey you one day.”

“Ooooh,” Sam purred. “Sounds fun. Sign me up for that.” She put the pizza down on the sofa table and dug into her messenger bag to pull the DVD of Fried Green Tomatoes from it. “I have this. It’s dinner and a movie tonight.”

The mocked scowl on Gentry’s face was lost the moment she saw the movie. She clapped her hands like a kid. “Yay!”

“What do you want to drink? Water?” Sam hollered over her shoulder as she walked to the kitchen.

“Sure. How was your day?”

“It was a day. How about you?”

“Beyond going in to see Dr. Waggoner, I did absolutely nothing but sit on this couch like a beached whale.”

Sam tossed Gentry’s bangs with her fingers. “It won’t be long now. You’re almost done.”

“Yeah, I know,” Gentry said flatly. She started to pull herself up more on the couch to make room for Sam.

“Uh, uh. Don’t move.” She raised Gentry’s feet up and sat down on the end of the couch to lower them across her lap.

“Oh dear Lord, that’s pure heaven right there,” Gentry said when Sam began massaging her foot. “I should not be letting you do that.”

“And why not?”

“Um, because you’re the one who has worked all day. Not me.”

“Yes, well, you’re the one carrying the baby. So, I think you’re one up on me.” She pressed her thumb into the instep of Gentry’s foot. “I’m sorry I missed your appointment today.”

“It’s alright. They told me you had an emergency at the hospital. Did everything go okay?”

“It did.” Sam moved her hands to massage Gentry’s other foot.

“She wants to induce.”

Sam frowned. “I know. She talked to me after her last patient left. It’s okay, Gen. You’re ready. The baby looks good. She’s developed well and thankfully she’s a girl so her lungs have matured faster. If she doesn’t induce, it could be dangerous for you both. Your labs today showed your liver is starting to be affected. They were elevated.”

Gentry tried to rub the throbbing from her temples. “I know. These headaches are getting worse and Tylenol doesn’t do anything but piss them off.” Gentry covered her eyes with her hand. “I’m scared, Sam.”

“I know you are. And it’s okay to be scared. It is.” Sam moved her hand up Gentry’s leg to caress her calf. “But I’m going to be right there the whole time. Timber is scheduling it where I can be off with you. You can do this.”

Gentry partially lifted her hand to expose her right eye. She stared at the mound of belly. “It’s not like I have a choice, is it?”

“Ummm, yeah, pretty much. She’s gotta come out eventually.” Sam massaged her feet a few minutes longer. “Let’s eat.” She gently guided her feet as Gentry sat up.

“What is that?” Gentry asked when Sam opened the box. “Where is all of the sauce?”

Sam had anticipated this reaction. “It’s a low sodium, heart-healthy pizza with olive oil, fresh mozzarella, basil, and tomato on a thin crust.”

“Yummy.” Gentry’s tone was thickened with sarcasm. She took a couple of bites and then ticked her head to the side. “It’s not bad at all.”

“See? Oh ye of little faith.” Sam rolled her slice end to end and took a large bite.

After dinner, Sam let the sofa out into a bed so Gentry would be more comfortable while they watched the movie. She had found lying on her side with her legs bent did seem to take some of the pressure off of her back. Sam pulled the light blanket over her arms when she noted the shiver in them as the ocean air blew in more readily through the open doors.

Gentry settled in further to the pillow that was Sam’s lap. “This is nice,” she murmured.

“It is.” Sam slid her hand under the back of Gentry’s shirt to run her fingers along her skin. “Hey, Gen?”

“Mmmm hmmm.”

“Have you decided what you want for after?” Sam paused for Gentry’s answer. Yet nothing came. “Hear me out, okay?” Sam continued quickly. “Of course, just like Timber said, you’ve got time to decide on adoptive parents. Most adoptive families wait so long that they stay on the ready for a phone call. It’s just if you haven’t decided on one yet, then we do need to make plans for directly after until you do. I don’t think you’ll be able to go back to your bus right after. I mean, if anyone could it would be you. But why? You’ve got me and I want to be here for you and the baby. I’ve got plenty of room here. You can keep staying in the guest bedroom.” Sam feared she didn’t hide the ever-present disappointment that Gentry had asked to have her own room when she came to stay with Sam. Thankfully, she had been able to reject the money Gentry tried to pay for room and board. “I would really love to have you both here. I can help with the baby and take care of you while you recover. Or if you want to go back to your home, I can come there. I was just thinking there was a little bit more room here for a bassinette and all of the things we’ll need for her.” Sam decided to leave out the part of how she had already shopped and had things on hold at a store downtown. She figured if Gentry rejected her offer, she could always donate them to one of her patients in need.

“Thank you.” That was it. That was all Gentry said. And that came after several long seconds of pause.

Sam had just drifted into the twilight of sleep when she heard a light tap on the open door of her bedroom. “Are you okay?” The sheets fell from her shoulders as she raised up onto her elbow.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Sam sat up against the headboard.

Gentry waited a moment before pushing herself off of the door facing she was leaning against. “I’ve not chosen a family yet because she hasn’t told me who she wants.”

“I’m sorry?”

“The baby.” Gentry sat on the end of the bed. “I don’t think it’s fair of me to make her choice for her. I don’t want to start her life like that. I’ve not seen a sign or felt she responded to any I read to her about. She’s her own little soul.” She rubbed her hand across the top of the covers. “I may not want to be her mom, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to do right by her. That’s the one instinct I feel. If she doesn’t show me…if I don’t see anything before she is born, then I’ll wait until after she’s born. Then maybe she’ll be able to show me in some way.” She felt the baby move. So far, the only reaction she had felt were the constant flutters in her tummy every time Sam spoke or ran her hands over her belly.

Chapter 24

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Gentry counted the drips of the IV one by one. She smoothed the wrinkles of the gown as it laid across her protuberant belly. She didn’t think of her mother much. Not much at all as she had gotten older. Nonetheless, something about the induction of her labor brought thoughts of her. Her mother had made a choice to permanently leave. As a child, Gentry blamed herself for this. That was a child’s mind of rationale. As an adult, especially at this moment of her own impending labor, she realized it had nothing at all to do with her and solely her mother’s struggles. Maybe it was genetic to not feel what some described as a deeper connection to their child during pregnancy. There was a connection, just not the one she had heard others describe. Hers was almost like a protective need she felt towards the baby.

She listened to the whooshing sound of the baby’s heartbeat through the monitor. “I don’t want to fuck you up like my family did me.” She felt the baby’s movement under her hand. “If I do this the right way, I won’t. If I stick to my path and let you find yours, I won’t.”

“Good morning,” Dr. Waggoner said as she peeped around the door left slightly ajar. “Are you ready to get this show on the road?”

“I suppose so,” Gentry said. “But I’d be a lot better if I could’ve had my coffee this morning. This is cruel and unusual punishment.”

Dr. Waggoner smiled. ”I’m sorry but you have to be NPO for an induction. On that note, have you had anything to eat or drink since midnight?”

“No.”

Dr. Waggoner walked over to inspect the monitor and IV next to the bed. She stretched the tracing paper out to see the graph of the baby’s heartbeat. “Looks good.” She gave her attention back to Gentry. “Where’s Sam? I thought I saw her earlier when they brought you back to the room?”

“You did. She’s moving her car.”

“Ah. MDI Hospital has lots of things but good parking is not one of them.” She wrote something down in Gentry’s chart before letting it hang at her side. “Alright. Do you have any questions for me?”

“Yes. What’s next?” Gentry again ran her hands over her belly.

“Well, now we see how you respond to the prostaglandin. If it doesn’t initiate cervical contractions, which fifty percent of the time it does, then we’ll start with Oxytocin. Your cervix looked good this morning to get things started. Now is the wait and see part.” She pointed her pen down to the paper she had just read. “We will follow to see how the baby responds to your contractions here. As long as she is doing well, we’ll plan a vaginal delivery.” She shrugged her shoulders. “If not, then we go to a C-section. Which is why you had to be NPO this morning. In the event we have to do surgery.”

“And the epidural you told me about. When do we do that?”

“That will depend on how your cervix responds. Ultimately, we would like for you to be at least four to five centimeters dilated with active cervical contractions before we do an epidural. We don’t want to do anything that may risk slowing your contractions.”

Gentry laid her head back on her pillow. “I’m just ready to get this all over with.”

Dr. Waggoner put her hand on Gentry’s arm. “I know. The unknown can be intimidating, if not scary as hell, particularly when there are so many variables at play. I can tell you this, you’re in good hands. We’ve got you.”

“Who’s got who?” Sam asked as she entered the room.

Dr. Waggoner smiled broadly and patted Gentry’s arm. “Really good hands.” She moved to the end of the bed. “Good morning, Sam.”

“Good morning, Timber. How’s she looking?”

“Everything’s looking good. Jesse will be your nurse today.’

“Oh, she’s good.”

“Yes, she is.” Timber smiled. “I may have had a hand in her scheduling today.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem at all. Okay, ladies, I’m off but will be checking in with Jesse regularly.” She dipped her head toward Gentry. “I’ll see you later.”

“Later,” Gentry muttered back.

Sam took Timber’s previous place at the bed and leaned down to kiss Gentry softly on the lips.

“Coffee? You’ve had coffee,” Gentry exclaimed.

“Sorry,” Sam whimpered. “I was weak.”

Gentry gripped the collar of Sam’s shirt and pulled her back down to her. She kissed her fully and then whined, “Mmmmm. You taste so good.”

Sam jokingly waggled her eyebrows. “Do I? Well now, what should we do about that?”

Gentry looked over her protuberant belly at Sam and laughed. “Oh hell, let’s get it on. I mean, what’s not to turn you on?”

“Normally, I would but it may get pretty awkward when the whole team of nurses come running in with the changes they see in your heartbeat.” Sam held up her hand. “How about if we do this instead?”

“What is that?”

“A deck of cards.”

“I know but what’s on the front of them.”

Sam smiled rather proudly of herself. “The national parks.”

Sam dotted the beads of sweat collecting at Gentry’s hairline. “That was a big one.”

“Who are you telling?” Gentry slowed her breath the best she could. “They’ve really gotten stronger since she did that.”

Gently, Sam continued to dry her forehead. “Yes they have. They added Oxytocin since the prostaglandin alone wasn’t doing it.”

“I meant when she broke my water.”

“Yes that too.” Sam managed to respond even though she was concentrating more on Gentry’s tracing than what she was saying. The baby’s heart rate was lowering with each contraction.

“Sam.”

“Uh huh.” Sam pulled the tracing further out from the printer to follow its pattern. She felt a nauseous energy form in the pit of her stomach. Beads of sweat began to trickle down the small of her back.

“Sam.” Gentry said louder.

Sam shook her head and looked at Gentry. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t like the way the baby is responding to your contractions.” She reached up to clamp off the IV bag containing the Oxytocin. With the other hand, she discretely pushed the nurse call button on the side of the bed. “When you have a contraction, the baby’s heartbeat should increase or stay the same not get lower.” Lightly, she rubbed Gentry’s cheek.

“And it is getting lower?”

“It is. And it’s recurring with variable changes. Let’s get you on your side.”

As Jesse entered the room, she saw Sam beginning to reposition Gentry on her side. She rushed over to assist as Gentry was not much help. Another contraction came. Jesse eyed Sam as she studied the strip.

With gritted teeth, Sam shook her head. “No change. Hey Gentry, let’s do one more thing. We’re going to get you up on all fours. Okay?”

Gentry’s eyes were wide in her silence.

The two women worked in unison to reposition Gentry again. Jesse walked over to stand next to Sam who had not taken her eyes off of the tracing.

“I feel another one,” Gentry moaned. She remained on all fours even though the intensity of the contraction was more than she had previously experienced. She locked her elbows in hard determined she would remain upright.

Jesse pulled a cordless phone from her front scrub pocket. “Page Dr. Waggoner STAT. We’ve got a Category III tracing nonresponsive to repositioning. Get the OR team to room two for a STAT C-section.” She reached around Sam to increase the flow of the normal saline wide open. She squeezed in between her and the bed to grab a mask that hung over the head of it. She set it to deliver eight liters of oxygen per minute. “Ms. Bell, I’m going to put this on. We need to start oxygen.”

Sam had not moved.

Jesse gripped her arm tightly and shook it. “Are you with me Dr. LeJeune? We need to move.” Quickly, she unlocked the brake pedals of the bed.

Sam hadn’t felt Jesse’s hand on her arm, nor the shake she gave it, but she did feel Gentry’s. Gentry’s eyes were filled with panic as they stared at her over the edge of the mask. She hadn’t needed anyone in her life for a very long time. At this moment, that all changed. She needed Sam. With every cell in her body she needed her to ease her fear and lack of control as to what was happening to her. Sam nodded assuredly and patted Gentry’s hand before grabbing the rails to help lead the bed out of the room.

Dr. Waggoner rounded the corner as the stretcher passed the nursing desk. “Looks like she’s ready to make her entrance.” She said as she looked down at Gentry. “I know this is scary and rushed but we need to do an emergency procedure to deliver the baby because she’s showing too much distress to be able to do a vaginal delivery.” She spoke rapidly as they continued pushing the stretcher down the hallway. “We are prepared for this. Okay?”

Gentry nodded just as the team met them to wheel her into the operating room. The doors closed briskly behind them.

In full muscle memory control, Sam stopped at the sink next to Timber who had already begun scrubbing her hands. She took a scrub brush packet from the box above the sink but struggled with opening it as she couldn’t steady the shake of her hands. Timber noticed the fine white line around Sam’s lips which were not covered with a mask as she had forgotten to put both her scrub hat on and her mask before starting her scrub.

“Hey Jesse,” Timber said softly as Jesse exited OR room. “Will you page for a first assistant to join us as soon as possible.”

Jesse stopped and turned back to Timber with a look of confusion. “But…”

“Dr. LeJeune won’t be scrubbing in on this case.” She motioned for Sam to drop the scrub brush. “She’s a partner and mother right now, not a doctor.”

Jesse reached back into her pocket and called for an assist as she ran back down the hallway.

Timber held her hands in the air and backed into the operating room. “Ms. Bell needs you more than I do right now.”

Anesthesia was positioned over Gentry’s head when they entered the room. He was explaining to her each step he was doing. Her lack of fully understanding his words from underneath his mask was doing nothing for her anxiety. The beeping from the cart next to her was deafening. It grew faster and louder as her fear began to overwhelm her. She closed her eyes tightly to drown them all out. She felt a breath at her ear followed by the sound of Sam’s voice saying, “I’ve got you.” She opened her eyes quickly to see a glimpse of Sam’s eyes holding her gently before the medication took effect. The furrow of her brow released as she drifted off to sleep.

For a moment, everything seemed to stop. Sam knew there was a whirlwind of activity around her as the team prepped and draped Gentry as fast as they could. She knew what was going on, yet she didn’t seem to be a part of it. In her small space of time she was frozen. Staring down at Gentry’s sedated face, she saw her world potentially seeing yet another change. She had grown closer to Gentry than she had let herself believe she had. She had stared at her baby’s ultrasound photo more times than she would like to admit. She looked down at her palm and slowly closed it into a fist. The thought of feeling the baby kick against her hand as it laid on Gentry’s belly being the only contact she would ever have to it, gave her body a chill. It was then that she thought of Rayne. Briefly, she closed her eyes to the vision of her. Sam had never come close to physically losing anyone she was close to…not to death. She was close to so few in her life. Standing here next to Gentry with the surgery taking place behind the drape that shielded her body, she understood loss with no chance of return. For the first time, she felt to her core a sliver of what Rayne had felt with Memaw’s passing. She understood the rock that changed Rayne’s world forever.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

As if in a distance or even a cloud, Sam heard the faint sounds of Timber calling for surgical instruments. She knew every step of the surgery. Every single step. When Timber called for the first assistant to apply upper abdominal pressure, she knew the uterus had been opened and the baby’s cries should soon follow.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The neonatal intensive care nurse whizzed by Sam and quickly returned to her table with the baby. Sam steadied her dizziness by resting her head against the anesthesia cart. The metal was cold against the sweat of her forehead. Her stomach rolled in a wave of nausea when she head the nurse rhythmically counting off her chest compressions.

“One-two-three-four. Come on little lady. Come on. Breathe for us.”

Sam didn’t look. She didn’t have to. She knew from past experience exactly what she would see. Numerous times she had been the one to look over her shoulder while a team of nurses desperately tried to bring back a newborn who had suffered a loss of oxygen during delivery. She had even been the one on those times to tell the family the news that would leave many to collapse in a chair with screams of heartbreak. No, she didn’t have to look. She bent forward and kissed Gentry’s forehead softly and wondered if it were to be her last. Surely, Gentry would run after something traumatic like this happened to them.

“Whaaaaaa.”

The baby’s cry caused Sam’s neck to jerk so hard that she felt the muscles spasm in a prolonged contraction. The whole team applauded and screamed a sigh of relief.

Timber arched her back away from the surgical table to see Sam. “Congratulations. She’s a beautiful baby girl.”

They were there before she felt them. The tears. They had streamed down Sam’s face before she even felt them form. She breathed for what felt like the first time since they had entered the room. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t actually speak even if she did have the words. She rubbed Gentry’s cheek once more and stood up. She peered over the nurse’s shoulder while bracing herself with her hands upon it to look at the baby.

“She’s beautiful, Dr. LeJeune. Absolutely beautiful,” the nurse whispered from underneath her surgical mask. She slipped a pink cap over the head full of jet-black hair.

The wood of the chair creaked with each slow rock. It was one of two sounds in the dimly lit room connected to the NICU of MDI Hospital. The other was from the baby held in Sam’s arms as she drank her bottle. The feeling of holding a tiny little person who was already dear to you was not taught in medical school.

“I thought I might find you here,” Timber said as she entered the room. “I Just left Ms. Bell. She’s recovering nicely but is still sedated and sleeping.” She walked over to Sam’s chair and peeked down at the baby. She really is beautiful. Look at that tiny little nose.” She smiled. “There’s nothing like it, is there?”

“Nothing like what?”

“Holding your baby for the first time.”

Sam inhaled deeply. “But she’s not my baby.”

“She could be. It’s not about the pregnancy or the birth itself, Sam. It’s a bond. A connection between mother and child.” Timber paused and looked around the room. “It’s what you’re both feeling at this very moment in this tiny dark room with her in your arms.”

All Sam could see of the little girl was her face. The rest of her body was wrapped snuggly in a blanket. Her face was innocently free of worry. Sam felt an intense need to keep the scars of the world far from her.

Timber placed her hand on Sam’s shoulder. “I’ll leave you with this thought. Ms. Bell has not decided on an adoptive family as of yet. Although, she’s very sure she wants an adoption to take place. Why can’t you be the family she’s looking for? You need to tell her how you feel.”

“I don’t know how. Besides, you said it. She doesn’t want to be a part of her family. She’s not ready for that change in her life.”

“Have you two committed to one another? Actually, admitted you’re a partnership.”

“Well, no.”

Timber squeezed Sam’s shoulder. “Then maybe a family, whether with a child or only a partner, is not what she wants altogether. Perhaps there isn’t a choice to make between them but rather only one choice.”

“Which is?”

“To hold onto what you’re feeling right this moment with that baby in your arms.”

Chapter 25

“Oh!” Quinn covered her mouth with her hands as her eyes began to well up with tears. She shook her head to and fro.

Sam looked at her with a quizzical look.

Quinn moved one hand down to pat her chest. “I’m sorry. I just never expected my little girl to open the door one day holding a baby in her arms.” She dabbed the tears from her eyes before her mascara could be smeared. “You’re so beautiful.” She tucked her finger inside the blanket of the swaddled baby to see her face. “You’re both just so beautiful.”

The edges of Sam’s eyes curled up with the width of her smile. She rocked Baby Girl in her arms as she rubbed her cheek with her finger. “She is, isn’t she? She’s the most beautiful baby I’ve seen.”

Quinn put her hand on Sam’s arm. “She rates right up there with one other I’ve seen.”

“Oh crap, Mom, come on in,” Sam said when she realized they were still standing in the doorway of her condo. “I’ll put her down in her bassinette and help you with your luggage. She’s sound asleep.”

“Don’t you dare.” Quinn grabbed the handle of her rolling luggage and followed Sam into the living room. “Or better yet, why don’t you just put her in my arms?”

Sam tenderly placed Baby Girl in her mother’s arms and stopped to take in the sight of Quinn staring at her sleeping face. She put her hand on her mother’s shoulder and leaned in to kiss her on her cheek. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Oh, Sam, she’s just perfect. Look at this precious baby.” Quinn ran her nose over the top of her head and breathed in her scent. “There’s nothing like the smell of a baby.” She smiled and held the baby closer to her chest. “What’s her name?”

“We call her Baby Girl. Or sometimes I call her Beeg. Especially if she’s crying and I’m at my wit’s end to know why.”

“Which she knows I detest,” Gentry said as she came out of her bedroom door. She closed it quietly behind her.

“Mom, this is Gentry.” Sam motioned to Gentry and then back at her mom. “Gentry, meet my mom, Quinn.”

In unison, the women greeted one another. Quinn quickly returned her gaze to Baby Girl. “She’s a beautiful baby, Gentry.”

“With a beautiful soul. She speaks volumes to me in her eyes.” Gentry walked over to Sam.

“Did you get a good nap?” Sam asked as she kissed Gentry’s forehead.

“I did. But when are these going to stop? It’s been four weeks since my surgery. Why do I still get drained sometimes?”

“Ummm, this little nugget wakes up every three to four hours. So there’s that. Plus, you cleaned the entire condo yesterday. Even against doctor’s orders. I think you have every plausible reason why you should be tired today.”

Gentry rolled her eyes. “I’m ready to be back to myself.”

Baby Girl started squirming in Quinn’s arms. “Sam, dear, I think she’s getting uncomfortable. Maybe we should lay her down so she can get some good sleep?”

“Sure. Do you want me to get her?”

“No, I’ve got it.” Quinn walked toward the door Gentry had exited from. “Is the bassinette in here?”

“Oh no, sorry. It’s in my room.” Sam took a step toward the other end of the living room. “That’s Gentry’s room. My room’s over here.”

Quinn followed Sam into her bedroom to lay the swaddled Baby Girl down. She covered her with the blanket from the bottom of the bassinette. “I don’t understand. Why isn’t she staying in her mother’s room?”

“I’ll explain later,” Sam said. “But first,” she extended her arms, “my mom hasn’t hugged her daughter yet.”

Quinn smiled broadly as she took her one and only child in her arms. She ran her nose over the hairline of her daughter’s forehead and breathed in her scent much like she had done Baby Girl’s. “There’s nothing like the scent of your baby.”

“Do you want some more coffee, Mom?” Sam held up the thermal carafe.

“Yes, please.” Quinn held out her cup.

Sam filled it and added a teaspoon of both creamer and sugar. Quinn brought the cup to her mouth and smiled at her daughter. “I can’t believe you remember how I take my coffee.” She took a swallow and hummed. “Mmmm. So good.” The warmth of the cup felt good against her hands in the Maine November air. The steam from the cup rose up around her face. “You’ve got a wonderful space here. Not that your entire condo isn’t lovely, but I do believe this is my favorite spot.”

“Mine too.” Sam watched as a sailboat drifted into the bay. She reached over to caress her Mother’s arm. “I’m glad you’re here, Mom. A true thanks this Thanksgiving.”

“As am I, dear.” Quinn brought one hand from the cup and patted her daughter’s hand. “I wasn’t looking forward to this holiday at all until you called.”

“How are you with Dad and all of that?”

Quinn raised her eyebrows. “With being an old divorcee, you mean?” She took a swallow of coffee and initially questioned the depth of her answer. Then again, her daughter had always known and even seen in her later adulthood years the truth of her marriage to her father. She hadn’t grown up in a household of loving parents, so why should she worry of the effect of the divorce on her daughter’s feelings as to the potential feelings of loss? Also, there was the truth of how lost she felt without the duties of a prominent wife in society. She was no longer asked to host nor invited to large social gatherings. The divorce had taken away what she had deemed her life. She wondered if that truth would hurt her daughter more than any. “It’s been an adjustment but I’m looking forward to finding my way again.” She gave her a half-hearted smile and then looked out at the still waters of the bay. After all, she was still a mother who needed to protect her daughter.

“Have you thought of what you may do with your extra time?” Sam knew her father’s mandates on her mother’s time was ridiculously controlling. Everything about her daily activities screamed a need to fulfill his personal or professional gains. She was constantly planning or attending some event or another for him.

Quinn shrugged. “I don’t know.” She set her coffee cup down on the side table between them. She pulled the blanket at her feet over her legs as they stretched out on the ottoman. “I’ve always wanted to do something with my degree but you know I never had time.”

“Your degree?”

“Yes.” Quinn smiled. “I’ve got a bachelor’s degree in interior design.”

Sam sat up in her chair. “What? You do? How do I not know this?”

“I don’t know. I suppose by the time you were born, it was such a part of my past that I didn’t think of it any longer. I think it was hard to think about because it seemed like such a waste of effort, time, and money as I never did anything with it.”

“But now you can. Why don’t you open up your own business?” Sam asked excitedly.

Quinn dismissed her idea with a wave of her hand. “Oh no. That time has passed. Furthermore, Atlanta is overpopulated with interior designers. I wouldn’t stand a chance. Maybe if I lived in a smaller area it would be possible, but not there.” She again straightened the blanket across her waist. “Enough about me.” She turned to look over her shoulder at the front door of the condo. “Let’s talk about you while we have the chance with the baby sleeping and Gentry away. I’ve got questions if you don’t mind me asking them.”

“Okay,” Sam said hesitantly as she turned down the volume of the static from the baby monitor which rested on the table between them. She smiled as she ran her thumb across the picture of the slumbering baby. “But I’m suddenly very nervous about these questions.”

“For starters, it’s that right there.” Quinn pointed to the monitor. “I don’t mind telling you that I’m worried about you where Gentry’s baby is concerned. In just the short time I’ve been here, I’ve noticed that you’re more of a mother figure to her than Gentry.”

“I’ve already told you Gentry is planning for Beeg to be adopted. She’s said all along that she didn’t want to or wasn’t ready to be a mother. I think it’s a very smart thing she’s doing knowing she feels so strongly about it. I support her one hundred percent. She doesn’t want to be a mother.”

“Oh, I see completely what you’ve told me. It’s not a natural instinct in her. It’s obvious. But it’s not so obvious in you.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is…you’ve got those instincts. Everything about how you interact with the baby shows me that. The way you hold her. The way you look at her. You love her. At this moment, you’re a mom to her. I’m worried about you, Samantha. What’s going to happen to my baby girl when an adoptive family is found?”

Sam couldn’t hide or even attempt to hide the way her face fell. She picked up the monitor and listened to the sleeping sounds of Baby Girl. She wet and then bit her bottom lip. She gazed up at her mother with tears forming at her lower eyelids. “I don’t know, Mom.” She shrugged as the tears fell down her face. “But she’s Gentry’s baby. It’s her decision as to the home she goes to.”

The sadness in Sam’s tears was more than Quinn could handle. The sight alone made her own tears begin to develop in her eyes. When she envisioned the inevitable heartbreak her daughter would yet again face, they became a flowing river of tears that she was defenseless to control.

Sam lifted her hand in the air to hold her mother’s. “Don’t cry. It’ll all be okay. Baby Girl will be with a loving family ready and capable to give her a home and love she deserves.”

“And my girl? How will she be?”

Sam squeezed her mother’s hand. “She’ll be just fine.”

Baby Girl began to toss in her bassinette. The women watched with baited breath until the first little cries began to sound over the monitor.

Sam dried her tears. “Perfect timing. I could use a snuggly distraction.”

Quinn held the monitor and watched as Sam went in to get Baby Girl. She heard her soft voice soothing the baby as she lifted her from the bassinette. She held her closely against her chest and rocked as she talked to her.

Gentry stood at the edge of the water and listened to the soft lull of it as it trickled over the rocks along the shore. The wind blew the hair that had fallen from her lazy ponytail across her face. She tugged the wild strands behind her ears. A black guillemot flew in from its swim in the ocean to sit upon a jutting rock at the coastline. She watched as the wind blew to tousle its feathers. Its bright red feet matched the inside of his beak when it opened its mouth to let out a high-pitched, thin twitter of a call.

“Well, aren’t you a pretty little thing,” Gentry said to it. Its feathers and eyes were a coal black with the brightest of white spots across its body close to its tail. She watched as its head darted back and forth to survey the water. Suddenly, its call changed to a loud, wavering whistle. Gentry turned her head to where the bird was looking and saw another black guillemot flying toward them. The two joined in flight to return to bobble atop the ocean water.

“It takes two,” Gentry mumbled to herself. “Or so they say.” She kicked at the pebbles on her walk back to her bus. She was taken aback by the emptiness of her campsite. Earlier in the day, she had taken down the tent and stowed all of the outdoor furniture back into her storage bins. She went inside to pack a bag of clothes to carry back to Sam’s. It would be nice to actually fit back into her clothes. Not that she was vain in her appearance, but it was good to once again feel somewhat normal.

She removed the outfit she had picked for Thanksgiving dinner and ran her fingers over the healed scar on her belly. “It’s about time. You’re all healed up,” she said to her reflection.

After she put her repacked duffle in Sam’s Xterra, she toured the outside of the bus for one final once over. She checked the air in the tires, made sure the propane tank had been filled as she requested, and emptied the wastewater lines. She palmed the hood of Big Blue as she passed by it. “See you soon, Big Blue.”

Quinn opened the oven door and pulled the rack out so she could baste the turkey. “For the life of me, I can’t remember the last time I’ve cooked a Thanksgiving dinner.”

“I can’t remember the last Thanksgiving I wasn’t working.” Gentry leaned over the oven with Quinn to watch what she was doing.

“Really, dear?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Gentry watched the elegant beauty of Quinn. Even with the most domestic tasks of basting a turkey, she shone with elegance. Her dainty, single pearl earrings hung from her earlobes. They dangled slightly with her mannerisms and shake of her head to tousle her bangs from her eyes. Gentry ran her fingers over her bangs that rested at her eyebrows. She had never mastered the art of the head shake. Thus, she had kept them cropped out of the way.

Sam had not been forthcoming in details of Gentry’s childhood, yet Quinn read people well enough to know it was not an open topic for discussion. She closed the oven door and stood up to look at the sweet potato casserole in the upper oven. “Did you get to have any type of Thanksgiving dinner at all?”

Gentry shook her head. “Oh yes, ma’am. For the last few years, I worked a small diner in Louisiana. We always had a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for our guests. Many times, the majority of people there were guests of the motel that were stuck away from their family. It was sort of like everyone had a kindred spirit. Many times, they had no family to get back to so they actually got to have a family-type Thanksgiving that otherwise they wouldn’t have had. It was neat to be a part of it.” Gentry began to chop the peppers for the cornbread dressing. This recipe she knew by heart.

Quinn shucked the oven mitts from her hands. “I’m all caught up. The turkey has about another two hours. The sweet potato casserole less than that.” She picked up the bottle of cabernet sauvignon she had gotten the day before when they went grocery shopping. “I think it’s time for the cooks to enjoy a little refreshment while they finish this fabulous dinner.”

Gentry noted the sparkle in Quinn’s sky-blue eyes. “Sam has your eyes.”

“Yes, she does. I’m afraid she also has some of the personality traits behind them.”

“I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. She’s an incredible woman.” Gentry cored the bell pepper and slid the seeds to the side with the blade of the butcher knife.

“Why thank you, dear. She’s quite fond of you too.” Quinn pulled the cork from the bottle and poured two glasses of wine. She handed one to Gentry.

“You seem comfortable with her. You obviously know we go beyond the typical boundaries of friendship.”

“I do.” She brought the glass to her nose, took in its aroma, and followed with a small sip. “Mmmm. Nice.”

Gentry followed Quinn’s actions. Why, she had no idea, but it seemed sophisticated and she liked it. “Have you always been this comfortable with her sexuality?”

Quinn swirled the red wine in her glass. “I can’t say I always was, but I’ve had a lot of time to adjust. After all, she was in seventh grade when she first came in to tell me she had a crush on her P.E. teacher.” She put her hand on the freckled skin of her chest. She repeatedly ran her bent index finger to rub the skin beneath it as she stared at her daughter in the baby monitor. She was lying on her side with Baby Girl tucked in against her.

Gentry peered over her shoulder to look at the monitor. She was struck with such an intense feeling that she nearly dropped the knife on the floor. Sam had always been a person who had come across to her as natural. Everything about her—from her pain to her joy, from her ambitions to her newfound clinic aspirations, from her wishing to repair a fractured relationship with her mother to lying next to Baby Girl with such a motherly air that it nearly knocked the strength from her knees. Gentry hadn’t known a mother. Her whole life she had not known a mother’s love. Yet, here it was on this little monitor. A camera into the heart of Sam. Gentry felt her mouth go dry. She reached for the wine but didn’t await the steps of swirl and smell. She took a healthy swallow. It was her first alcohol in months. Perhaps it would numb her just enough to get through dinner. Of course, she had seen the signs with Sam. Of course, this wasn’t the first time a feeling such as this coursed through her. Up until now, it had never been this strong.

“I fear I failed her in so many ways, Gentry,” Quinn said, thankfully breaking Gentry’s thoughts. “I was never a mother to her. Not the mother I thought I’d be when I had her.”

“Why not?”

Quinn turned to Gentry and leaned against the counter. “I honestly don’t know. When she was younger, I was there. I wanted to go to every PTA meeting and function she had at school. Then Edward developed that damn heart device and it was never about her anymore. He was dragging me all over the place. Even at a young age, Sam was fiercely independent. So, she got along fine without us.” She took a swallow of her wine. “Or so I thought. If I had been there, maybe I could’ve been the reason for her to not have gone through so much hurt in her life.”

“Do you mean Rayne?”

“In part. But there were others. She won’t admit it, but I saw it. Her first was when she was only fifteen. Fifteen.” Quinn pulled a bowl in front of her and began to crumble the cornbread in it. “That was her first. It still makes me sad to think of it. Of course, I was oblivious to it at the time. But now with all of the extra time I have with my memories, I know the truth. She had been completely fascinated with this senior girl. They had become fast friends. I had seen the drawings of hearts with their names around it in her room but paid no attention to it.” She dug her hands harder into the cornbread. “She was her first love and her first sexual experience. She was too young, and I did nothing to stop it.”

“Do you think you really could have?”

Quinn tried to smile. “Probably not.” She raised her left eyebrow. “But I could’ve tried or at least warned her. Obviously, it didn’t end well. It’s not like she was going to take Sam to senior prom instead of the captain of the football team. Until Rayne, she had never shown an interest in developing a relationship. I had hope but, in the end, the damn quarterback breaks my baby’s heart again.”

“For what it’s worth, I think Rayne loves or loved Sam.”

“Does that bother you?”

“Bother me?” Gentry added the peppers to the cornbread.

“Yes.” Quinn poured chicken broth over the mixture to moisten it. “Does it bother you to think of them still loving one another since you and Sam are together?”

“Oh. We aren’t together. I mean, not like that.”

“There’s my answer as to why you sleep in separate rooms. But you do care for my daughter, right?”

“Yes, very much.” Gentry’s voice was hushed with its truth. She looked at the monitor once more. “She’s been a true surprise to me.”

The timer buzzed for the sweet potato casserole. Both women welcomed the interruption. They worked together silently in the kitchen until the dressing was in the oven.

“I like this music. Who is this?” Quinn said before she topped off their wine. “She’s got a beautiful voice.”

Gentry pulled her hair up off her neck and twisted the ends into a bun. “Doesn’t she? It’s Norah Jones. I recently found this CD and have very nearly worn it out since I got it.”

Quinn swayed her hips but was careful not to slosh her wine over the lip of her glass. “I can see why. It’s got a certain pep to it.” She piled the tomatoes onto the butcher knife blade and transferred them to the salad. The sound of Sam’s bedroom door opening caught her attention. She looked up to see Sam walking across the living room toward the kitchen carrying an awake Baby Girl. “This is the best Thanksgiving I can remember having in a very, very long time.”

As Gentry rounded the bar with her back to Sam, a new song came on. She raised her head when she recognized its melody. A flash of Sam’s hands trailing up her legs quickened her heart rate and brought a heat to her face. She tried to hide it from Quinn but she doubted she had been successful. She heard Sam getting closer behind her. The speed of her heartbeat was not doing her any favors with the sensation of Sam’s lips on the back of her neck. She felt the scrape of Sam’s teeth in a soft bite before she moved to stand beside her.

“The very best.” She winked at Gentry before walking to the counter to hand Beeg to her mother. “Want to hold her while I fix a bottle?”

“Absolutely.” Once Baby Girl was in her arms, Quinn had no attention for anyone other than her. “Hello there, pretty girl. Did you get a good nap?” She held her close to her body and looked back over her shoulder toward Sam and Gentry. “I love the smell of baby when they first wake up.” She softly squeezed Baby Girl and walked to sit on the couch with her.

“You’re actually smelling her after a diaper change. She smelled like a teetee baby when she first got up.”

Sam nudged Gentry’s arm. “Hey, you.”

“Hey, yourself.”

Sam pointed in the air. “This song make you think of anything? Want to go for a repeat?”

Gentry slapped her arm playfully. “You’re incorrigible.”

Sam smiled an impish smile and raised her eyebrow. “You know it.” She leaned over and whispered in Gentry’s ear, “But is that a yes?”

Gentry ticked her head toward Quinn on the couch. “It’s a maybe later.”

Sam kissed Gentry on the nose. “It’s a date. Don’t forget your cowboy boots.” She grabbed the bottle and joined her mother on the couch.

Gentry watched Sam and Quinn coo over Baby Girl as she chopped ingredients for the salad. It wasn’t that she didn’t talk to the baby. She did when no one was around. Times when she watched her while Sam took a shower or needed a few minutes. Sam was extremely respectful of not leaving Baby Girl with her for any long periods of time. Maybe it was the buzz of her first glass of wine in nearly a year or the soothing voice of Norah Jones or perhaps even the sight of Sam and her mother caring for Baby Girl, but something made this feel like family. Like a virus, memories of childhood past Thanksgivings crept in. The blackness of it stained her soul so much that even in the happiest of moments, she still saw her. The aroma of roasting turkey, cooked sweet potatoes, and browning dressing in the oven couldn’t overcompensate the lurking stale cigarettes and beer. She was scarred and there was nothing anyone could do about it. She inhaled deeply and rethought her decision to slow down on her wine. Over the lip of the glass, she saw Baby Girl’s hand on Sam’s cheek. Her tiny little fingers blended into the complexion of Sam’s skin as if they had been made from the same mold.

Wouldn’t it be perfect if she were to have blue eyes like Sam? Gentry thought to herself. She watched the beauty in the way the three of them interacted. It was pure. It was real. It was family. She raised her glass to them. I may not be the mother you deserve but I won’t leave you scarred. I’ll make sure of that.

Chapter 26

“Thanks for letting me stay with you while Mom is here,” Sam said loudly over the spray of water.

Gentry’s intention when pulling back the shower curtain was to be playful and startle Sam but it was she who was surprised in the reaction her body had when she saw Sam’s nude body covered in soapy suds. “Don’t be silly. It’s your condo.”

Sam ran her hands over her face to wipe the water from her eyes. “Yes, but I told you it’s your room for as long as you want. Now I’m crashing in on you.”

“It’s okay.” Gentry wiped a clump of suds from above Sam’s navel. “It’s like an extended slumber party.”

“But I forgot my sleeping bag,” Sam pouted.

“I think we can find somewhere for you.”

The water from Sam’s face and hair dripped onto Gentry when she leaned over to kiss her. She tugged at her bottom lip with her teeth as she stood back up. “I know where I would like that somewhere to be.” She waggled her eyebrows.

Gentry dried the water from her face with a hand towel and then used it to wipe the steam from the mirror. She rubbed her hand across her belly. It had been months since her protuberant belly had kept the feeling of Sam completely against her. “Are you ever going to get out of the shower? You’re going to prune up like a raisin in there.”

Sam shut the water off and slid the curtain back. “That felt freaking fantastic.” She grabbed the towel. “Beeg doesn’t really allow me to take a long shower.” Her voice was muffled with the towel over her mouth as she dried her hair.

“Do you mind that?”

Sam’s smile drew up the corners of her eyes. “Not one bit.”

“I was surprised your mom wanted her staying in the room with her.”

“I’m not. She’s eaten up with Baby Girl. Plus, from what she said, I don’t think she’s sleeping all that great at night. Beeg gives her a better reason to be up through the night.”

“Does she miss your dad?”

“No. Not at all, actually.” Sam brushed through the nest of tangles the towel dry had left. “I think she misses her life.” She stopped suddenly and tapped the brush against the palm of her hand. “I take that back. I don’t think she misses her life necessarily but maybe the fact that it was a known routine. She doesn’t know what the next days will hold for her now and I think it scares her.”

“Is she going to stay in Atlanta?”

“I don’t think she’s tied to it. Why?”

“No reason.” Gentry eyed Sam in the mirror. “You know, it is rather difficult to have a serious conversation with you while you’re naked. Some people actually wrap the towel around themselves instead of just draping it over their neck.”

Sam looked down at her body and then back up to make eye contact with Gentry. “What good is that? Why, are you telling me you’re having trouble staying focused?”

Gentry turned to Sam with her back leaned against the bathroom counter. Sensually, she licked her lips as she studied Sam’s body. “Oh, I’m staying focused, alright.”

Sam felt her breath catch in her throat with the way Gentry ran her eyes over her body. She swallowed. Gentry raised her finger in the air and silently motioned for her to come to her. In one step, Sam was next to her. Their eyes danced with the others as they moved rapidly between their eyes and lips. Neither moved in closer to kiss the other. Sam didn’t know why but she felt hesitation to try to kiss Gentry. It had been months since the intensity of their passion had found them frantically trying to touch the other. There was something different between them now. Sam felt the dampness of Gentry’s shirt from the steam of the bathroom against her chest as she pressed into her body. Gentry’s eyes didn’t budge from her stare deep into Sam’s. Sam lost sight of them briefly when she felt the slow, torturous trickle of Gentry’s finger over her hip and up her back. With her hand at the back of her neck, Gentry brought Sam’s lips to hers. Her kiss was void of a heated passion. It was with a tenderness she had not felt before from her. Her tongue swept against hers with a sweet, slow exploration. Sam pulled her lips from hers when she recognized the feelings behind the kiss. Not the feeling of the kiss but true feelings behind the kiss. She looked at her, searching for a clarification to what she thought she felt. Gentry said nothing. Instead, she placed her hand within Sam’s and opened the bathroom door. The steam escaped into the bedroom to become a quickly dissipating fog over the bed.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked as Gentry began to lead her to where the steam had drifted. “That’s the bed.” In all of their times together, never had one led them to the bed. In fact, Gentry had always repositioned them if they even came close to laying across it…once even to find them pulling the covers on to the floor as a pallet.

Gentry placed her finger over Sam’s lips. “Shhhh,” she whispered. “I need a new memory. Please, lie down.”

Sam’s eyes were lost of comprehension. They were confused and misguided.

Gentry kissed her again as she had in the bathroom. Sam fell hopelessly into everything the kiss told her. “Please,” Gentry whispered, “lie down.”

Feeling vulnerable yet safe in the way Gentry held her with her eyes, Sam laid down on the bed. She watched with anticipation as Gentry started to remove her shirt. She awaited the moment when Gentry would stop undressing to leave some part of herself covered as she usually did most times before. Gentry removed her bra and dropped it on top of her crumbled shirt that lay on the floor. Sam smiled inwardly to herself when she saw the almost healed C-section scar. She held her hand out to Gentry with encouragement for her to come lie with her on the bed.

“Not yet,” Gentry said as she unbuttoned her jeans. She bent over, removed them, and tossed them next to her shirt. Standing in front of Sam in only her underwear made her feel flutters of nervousness in her belly. That is until she looked into the eyes of Sam. In her eyes, she saw Sam’s complete inability or desire to hurt her. She saw acceptance for who she was, even at a time where Sam may not have understood why she felt the way she did. Baby Girl is an example of that. The way Sam doted on her, the way she immediately and unconditionally cared for her, was probably misunderstood when it came to Gentry not feeling the same. Although, she wouldn’t know, as Sam never said anything of it. She accepted it the moment Gentry hinted at the loss of those feelings.

Sam felt a dryness in her throat when Gentry took off the last remaining article of clothing and stood in front of her completely exposed as she was to her. “You’re stunning,” Sam said as she took in a deep breath.

“Ditto.” Gentry smiled and raised her eyebrow. She was pleased with her timing of using one of Sam’s favorite words. Sam smiled too but then bit her bottom lip when Gentry stepped closer to the bed to touch Sam’s ankle. Meticulously, she trickled her fingers over Sam’s skin from her ankle, up her leg to her knee, and around the inside of her knee to her thigh. Sam gasped when Gentry’s fingers dipped in between her thighs. She knew what Gentry was doing to her. Yet, she didn’t know to what degree until Gentry felt it for herself.

Gentry released the breath she was holding and continued to feel Sam. With her eyes closed and her head resting on her shoulders, she murmured, “You feel so good.” It was a sentence, a statement even, that she had not intended to express out loud. It was a verbal expression not suppressed because tonight, for maybe this one night, she wanted to feel everything her body felt and more. She didn’t want to remember the past or the things done to her in a bed for love. She wanted to find her own definition of that word. Right now, with this woman who was giving herself without reservation to her, she wanted to do the same. So yes, it did feel so good.

A sound somewhere between a grunt and moan escaped Sam’s lips when she began to move her hips with the sensation of Gentry inside of her. The sound caused Gentry to quickly open her eyes.

“Not like this,” Gentry said.

Sam shook reality back into her head. “Wait. What?”

Gentry climbed on top of Sam to feel their bodies touching at every point of surface contact. She let some of her body weight rest on her elbows above Sam who gently tucked the fallen hair from the side of her face over her ears one by one. The blue and green eyes searched each other’s for words not yet spoken.

With nervousness breaking her voice, Gentry said, “There are things I want to say to you. Things I want you to know I feel.” Her head dropped. “But I’ve never been able to find the words to say them and I’ve never said them before.”

Sam placed her finger under Gentry’s chin and softly lifted it. “It’s okay. There’s nothing you have to say. I see more than you know in those beautiful eyes of yours.” Delicately, she kissed her.

“But you,” Gentry kissed her back, “deserve for them to be said.”

“You’ve given me all I’ve ever needed. You saved me.” Sam’s eyes expanded and then closed when Gentry kissed her again. It was the same type of kiss she had given her in the bathroom. It was full of expression. Their lust-filled kisses didn’t harbor a tenth of what these kisses were doing to Sam. Her chest expanded with need to fill as Gentry continued to steal her breath.

Gentry raised up on her elbows again and studied Sam’s eyes. She ran her thumb over her bottom lip. “I wonder who saved who.” She kissed her again and then abruptly shifted her weight down to Sam’s chest.

“What are you doing? Where are you going?”

Gentry began to kiss Sam’s breast. She ran her tongue over the top of her nipple that rose to meet her lips. “I told you. There’s something I need you to know.”

“But…”

Her words were stopped with a finger placed over her lips. Gentry lightly tapped it once across her lips before cupping her hand over Sam’s breast. She felt the suppleness to it within her hand. Again, Sam let out the same sound when she pushed in her nipple with her finger as she continued to knead it.

Sam shifted her weight with a vulnerable nervous energy as Gentry trailed kisses down her stomach. It became increasingly more difficult to breathe when Gentry nestled her body in between her legs. At first, Sam didn’t open her eyes. She couldn’t. She was afraid she would utterly collapse if she looked at Gentry. She was afraid to let herself feel that again. It was as if every bit of her power to control her feelings for someone again would be stripped from her the moment she looked down her body to see Gentry there. This was not sex. This was not lust. This…was more.

She felt a feathery touch of a kiss and opened her eyes to Gentry who was looking directly at her. A sweep of Gentry’s tongue caught her breath even more. She held it tightly with each touch of Gentry’s mouth upon her, in her. Their eyes remained locked. Gentry’s arms slid underneath Sam’s thighs as she brought her deeper into her mouth. A single tear slid from the sides of each of Sam’s eyes. This…was more.

Who saved who? The thought played over and over in Gentry’s head as she explored Sam. With each sensation of Sam upon her tongue, the thought grew in strength. This was unlike other times of intimacy, whether consensual or not, in Gentry’s life. This wasn’t sex. She knew that. She wanted that. She felt the vulnerability of Sam. She tasted it on her tongue. The truth in Sam. The heart and soul of this woman who was meant to be a fork in her planned path. With each movement of her tongue, she felt over and over the truth of Sam and what she meant to her. Her brain fought the word. Her memories kept it locked in some vault of pain and despair. Not anymore. The word—the one she could not say. The one that had been scarred from a past that had molded her but not defined her. This right here. This in the safety of blue in the eyes she held. This was love. Love. She didn’t say the word. The word didn’t come from her mouth. Yet the mere sound of it in her head seemed to cause an explosion within a chamber of her heart to course through her body like a flame. With every feeling it left in her, she made love to Sam.

The intensity of feelings strengthened as Sam began to move in sync with her. Sam searched for Gentry’s hands until they were locked together as their eyes remained. With a moan rising from her belly and slowly traveling upward, Sam released. Their hands tightened their grip as her body let go against Gentry. Sam blinked rapidly to clear the tears from her eyes. She looked up at the ceiling to try to gain some sense of composure. It was lost when Gentry laid her head against Sam. The dampness of a trail of tears traveled down the skin of Sam’s thigh.

Chapter 27

The coldness of the sheets against Sam’s bare body slowly began to awaken her from her restful sleep. She scooted over onto the other side of the bed to warm herself against Gentry’s body. She was nearly to the edge of the bed before she woke up enough to realize she was alone. She stretched underneath the covers, pulled the comforter up to her chin, and curled into a ball. A smile crept across her face with the vision of the night before. At some point, they must have separated after she had fallen asleep with Gentry’s body tucked into hers. Thanksgiving had been perfect. The sadness that always lurked just below the surface was starting to finally dissipate. It had hung over the holiday season like a swollen storm cloud billowing over with the darkness of impending rain, especially Thanksgiving. Two years ago, she had experienced a true family Thanksgiving with Rayne. The last was with Rayne as she said goodbye to Memaw. Nothing about Thanksgiving felt good to her anymore. Nothing excited her or made her look forward to the holiday. Until now, that is. She would have a new meaning of a family Thanksgiving. It would be her family Thanksgiving. She had her mom who had become a mother again since her divorce. She had Gentry who could not use words to tell her she loved her but who had shown her in the way she made love to her the night before. And she had Baby Girl who had innocently come into her life to become a reason she woke up excited for the day. Immediately, her thoughts went to the day Baby Girl would go to her new family. Her mother was right. That day may be a wound she would not heal. She inhaled deeply, stretched once more, and decided she would swallow her insecurities. She would have the discussion about Baby Girl she had wanted to have since the first time she held her. It was not her decision to make but she was a part of them now. She would not easily forgive herself if she failed to even try to keep Baby Girl with them.

“Is that coffee I smell?” Sam asked as she came out of the bedroom.

“It is.” Quinn sat alone on the couch. “Why don’t you get a cup and come sit with me?”

“Okay.” Sam looked around the condo as she walked to the open kitchen. “Where’s Gentry and Beeg?”

Quinn took a swallow of coffee but didn’t answer.

Sam set her cup down on the counter. Its clink against the stone countertop was even louder in the silence of the space. Sam heard nothing. She started to walk from the kitchen into her bedroom.

“Don’t go in there.” Quinn set her cup down on the coffee table and stood up. “Please, Sam. I’m asking you to come sit with me.”

“Mother, just wait a second. Where is Gentry and Beeg first? Tell me where they are.” Sam’s hand rested on the doorknob. She did not tighten its grip or turn the knob to open it. She knew they were not on the other side of the door. She knew. “Mom?” Her voice cracked.

Quinn walked around the back of the couch to stand with her arms stretched out to Sam.

Sam shook her head and swallowed the lump in her throat that she had in no way anticipated would come on this morning. “No.” Her voice squeaked out. “Please, Mom, no.”

Quinn’s arms shook in the air but were held firmly for her daughter to fall into them. The sound of her sniffle sent Sam running into her arms. She held her daughter as tightly as she could. She rocked her to soothe her in any way possible. Her tears wet Sam’s hair. She had not seen her baby’s heartbreak with her own eyes. She had heard her voice on the phone. She had felt the pain in it, but to see it with her own eyes…to watch Gentry walk out of the door…it was more than she thought she was capable of handling.

Sam collapsed in her mother’s arms. She felt her body struggle to keep the two of them upright. With Rayne, she had a sense of what was to come. She tried to tell herself differently but as the distance between them grew with Memaw’s passing, she knew. It was a slow goodbye. But this was without warning. There were no signs she had seen. Yesterday was one of the best days she had in years. Last night was more than she had ever imagined she would feel with someone again. This morning, she had awakened to her own family waiting for her. This was her time to be happy. Her knees buckled. Quinn strengthened her arms. Sam’s tears turned into gasps of breath with the intensity of her sobs.

“Shhhh. Wait, sweetheart. We still need to talk.” Quinn rubbed her back with the palm of her hand. “Shhh,” she said again. “You’ll wake the baby.”

Sam sharply pulled away from her mother’s embrace. “The baby? What do you mean the baby?”

Quinn held Sam’s hand and walked her to the couch. She urged Sam to sit. “Sit with me,” she said as she sat down. She pulled Sam’s hand into her lap and softly caressed it as she spoke. “You have a big decision to make, my sweet girl. Gentry’s gone. She left early this morning.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up or come get me?”

“Could you have stopped her?”

Sam looked out into the fully risen sun as it shone over the ocean. She shook her head no.

“No, you couldn’t have, and if you had, it would’ve only been until the next time she left. She told me she chose now so that I could be here with you. She didn’t want to leave you alone because she knew it would be hard on you. She cares deeply for you.”

“I know,” Sam acknowledged quietly. Her tears continued to wet her cheeks.

Quinn wiped them with a cloth and then tucked it into Sam’s other hand. “I don’t know that I’ve seen anyone love my daughter more than her.”

“I don’t understand.”

“She loves you enough to leave. She sees how much you love Baby Girl. Gentry had to go so she could stay. It was the most unselfish act I’ve witnessed in all of my years. She thought that losing the baby would’ve been a hurt you would’ve felt your whole life. She told me to tell you that some hurts don’t heal.” When Sam looked up at her, Quinn finished. “I’m here with you for as long as you need or want.” Quinn picked up an envelope from the coffee table and held it up. “She left this for you. I’m assuming it’s all in here, but I can tell you what she told me. Or you can read it from her.”

Sam nodded her head toward the envelope but didn’t take it. “Tell me.”

“She thought you were better than she to decide the family for Baby Girl. You had cared for her. Comforted her.” Quinn patted Sam’s hand. “Loved her. She thought it was right to let you decide. But, she hoped you would choose yourself for her mother.”

Sam looked up. “What?”

“As I said, she sees you two belonging together. But only if it’s what you want.”

“Me? I’m not a mother.”

“To Baby Girl you are. You’re the mother she has known all her life.” Quinn sighed. “Sweetheart, this is so very hard. So, so hard. I didn’t know how I would possibly find the strength you need. I’ve been sitting here on this couch trying to think of everything I could say or what I could do before you opened that door. I think I’m failing miserably. There just aren’t the perfect words for times like these. Forgive me if what I’m about to say is wrong or not what you need to hear right now, but this is the best I’ve come up with.” She ran her finger across Sam’s. “I wasn’t a good mother to you. I wasn’t. I wake up in the middle of the night with this crushing pain of regret for devoting my life to my husband and not my daughter. You’ve grown up to be a remarkable woman all on your own. You don’t need me now. I’ve missed my chance to make it up to you by being a good mother. But, if it’s what you want, if you decide to make this Baby Girl’s home, I will be the best grandmother I can for her. I won’t let you two down. It’s your decision to make. It may very well be the biggest you’ve so far had to make, but I’m here.”

Sam blinked several times.

“Gentry has all of the paperwork completed for whatever decision you make. She left it with her doctor. If you decide it’s too much or you’re not ready for this, she has a family picked out.” Quinn lifted the letter again. “I think she explains it in here.”

This time, Sam took it.

The campsite looked twice its size without Big Blue parked in its center. Sam stood in the square of northeastern coastal sand absent of the home that had once occupied its space. There was no sign of Gentry anywhere along the shore. Sam knew that was exactly how she meant it to be. She reached in her coat pocket and pulled out the envelope with her name written across the front. She ran her fingers over the writing before pulling out the letter.

Sam,

A part of me thinks you know why you are reading this letter. You know me unlike anyone has in my life. For months, I had wondered why it was you who had come into my life. The minute I thought I figured it out, something would change to show me I hadn’t. Then I realized there were probably many reasons why my path crossed yours. In the last few weeks, I’ve seen the most important one. It’s Baby Girl. I can’t tell you how many adoptive parent files I read in trying to find the home for her I never had. Not one felt right. Not because they didn’t seem to be a good family but because it just didn’t seem to fit. In the last couple of weeks, it came to me. She’s meant to be with you and you with her. You’ve already bonded, Sam. I see it in both of your eyes. Now, I believe our journey together was so you two could be together. I do hope you see it too and want to take this next step on your path. If you don’t, I’ve arranged for another family with Dr. Waggoner. Call her and she will do the rest. Please believe that I would not place this burden on you if I didn’t believe to my core you were meant to be her mother.

Please believe I did try to stay with you. I wanted to stay and have so many more adventures with you. But Baby Girl deserves you more than me. If I couldn’t stay with you both, then it was time for me to step aside so she could have you. I know this letter will hurt you. That my leaving will hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. Ever! I hope one day you’ll understand why I left and you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. Sam, I am so thankful for you in my life. For you walking into the diner when you did. I’ll never look at a BLT the same again. Actually, I’ll never look at life the same way again. You’ve brought light and love into the darkest part of my soul. I told you once not to fall in love with me. I didn’t listen to those words either. I love you, Sam. Because of you, I know how love truly feels.

Always,

Gentry

P.S. If she does stay with you and if it’s not asking too much, I would like for her name to have the names of the two people who have meant the most to me—Adelaide Samantha.

The cold air blew across Sam’s face and body. She felt the tips of her hair ruffled in the wind become damp as they brushed the corner of her eyes. When Rayne had left her, she nearly collapsed physically from the pain of it. Rayne had chosen not to love her. She had made decisions that brought her to a place where she had to choose between loving Sam or not. Sam listened as the water began to creep further onto the shore with the tide flowing in. True, she was crying, but not in the same way as she had with Rayne. Gentry didn’t choose not to love her but rather to love her. There were wounds not yet healed within her. Wounds that prevented her from being able to be a mother to Baby Girl—prevented her from being part of a family. Sam gently folded the letter back into the envelope. Gentry loved her. Everything about this morning reaffirmed it to Sam. Gentry had shown her the night before in a way that brought tears to both of their eyes. Now, standing alone, staring out into the water, she had shown her again. She knew she couldn’t be a mother alongside Sam. So, she chose to love them both in the only way she knew how to do.

Quinn stood in the stream of sunlight that poured in from the patio doors. She held Baby Girl in her arms as she rocked back and forth. She didn’t have to say anything. The questions she wanted to ask were written on her face. Sam walked slowly to them and held her arms open for Baby Girl. She nuzzled her nose across Baby Girl’s downy black hair.

“Well?” Quinn had waited for as long as she could. Her thoughts and questions may have been written all over her face, but Sam’s answers were not. “Are we keeping her?”

“We?” Sam said softly.

Quinn stepped in closer to Sam and put her arm around her side. “Yes. We.” She placed her hand on the side of Baby Girl’s face. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

“It looks like I need a grandmother.”

Chapter 28

Sam pulled her jacket up over her neck to block the cool December breeze in the air. She leaned back into the back seat to tuck the blanket snuggly around Addie as she slept. “What are we going to do, little one?” she whispered as she swept Addie’s bangs to the side of her forehead. The length of her baby fine hair brought a picture of Gentry to the forefront of her mind. The soft slumbering breaths of Addie soothed the anxious anticipation Sam felt swirling deep within her belly. “Okay, little Gentry. I hear you. Follow the signs.”

She stepped back out into the air, closed the car door gently enough not to wake Addie, and placed her hand on the driver’s door latch. She read the road sign in front of her.

“Welcome to Brennin, Louisiana. The friendly city.”

“Let’s hope that’s true.” Sam slid into the driver’s seat and grabbed her phone from the cupholder. The fleur-de-lis caused another swirl of unknowing. How in the world was she going to make this call? She looked in the rearview mirror to see the back of the car seat and the head of the precious girl making the sweetest of sleeping purrs. She searched her contacts until Rayne’s name appeared. She took in a deep, calming breath, held it, and hit send.

“Wow. You really do miss me.” Sam’s heart quickened to the sound of Rayne’s voice.

“Rayne?” Sam said as she gripped the steering wheel tightly with her free hand.

“Sam?”

“Yeah.” She took in another breath in an attempt to stop the shaking of her voice. “Can you talk?”

Rayne stopped. She looked at the house and then turned to walk back down the dock. “Sure. I mean, yes, I can talk.”

The lump that formed in her throat nearly prevented Sam from speaking. It was the lump she had held in check from the moment Gentry had left. It had threatened to topple her once before when she dropped her mother off in Atlanta. Just as it threatened her now. She heard the soft sounds of Addie sleeping, sucked in a breath through her teeth, and tried desperately to find the strength to swallow the lump once more. She had to keep persevering until Addie was where she belonged.

“Are you okay?” Rayne’s voice was meek when she asked. It had been so long since she had heard Sam’s voice. Especially in a tone such as this.

“No.” The truth blurted from her lips before she could stop it. “I’m not okay. I don’t know what I’m doing, Rayne. I don’t really know where to go. I’m sitting here on the side of the road staring at this stupid sign but I don’t know what to do from here.” She sniffled and wiped at her nose. Everything, all of the emotions. All of the confusion, fear, anger, sadness…all of it was boiling over the surface and she couldn’t stop it. She felt stupid. She felt weak. Rayne’s voice had caused every bit of her reserve to crumble like a rockslide over the side of a mountain. She sniffled again. Harder this time. “I’m supposed to be better than this. Stronger than this. But I don’t have a fu—,” she paused, “a clue as to what to do. I’m scared, Rayne. I’m so scared I’m going to screw this up.” She looked in the rearview mirror again. “And I can’t screw up this time. I just can’t.”

“Sam,” Rayne said gently. “Shhhhh. Breathe. Just breathe. It’s okay. I’m right here.”

Sam rested back into the seat. She felt her body slump against the leather.

“First, tell me where you are.”

“Outside Brennin.”

Rayne’s voice choked on any words she could form. She fell into a seat on the edge of the dock. Thankfully, her lightheadedness and uneasy footing hadn’t thrown her head-first into the bayou. “You’re where?”

“I’m in Brennin, Rayne. I need you. I mean…” Sam rubbed her palm on her jeans. “I need your help. I don’t know where to go.”

“Come here.”

Sam shook her head. “Come where?”

“I’m in Brennin too. I’m at my cabin. Do you remember how to get here? If not, tell me where you are and I’ll come get you.”

“No, I remember. You’re really in Brennin?”

“Yes. I’m really here. So, come here. We’ll figure this out together. Just come here.”

“Signs,” Sam mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Sam shifted the Xterra into drive and pulled out onto the blacktop two-lane highway. “I’m on my way.”

Months had gone by since she last saw Rayne. If her memory was correct, she would be at Rayne’s cabin within the hour. The terrible words she had said to Rayne outside of the nightclub in Atlanta played over in her head. She had all but forgotten them until the moment she hung up the phone. Strangely, Sam didn’t hear a hint of them in Rayne’s tone. She prayed they were words of the past. She checked herself in the mirror of her visor and wiped the running mascara from beneath her eyelid. Her eyes weren’t the same anymore. She recognized the change in them every time she looked in the mirror. The crystal blue of them had deepened to a darker shade of night sky in the growth she had found over the last several months. She had found incredible joy in the midst of heartache. She had found purpose beyond any she had ever imagined. Her journey now was for Addie.

“There’s only one way to find out, Addie.” She took in a breath through her clinched jaw, flipped her signal on, and turned off the main road. “Let’s do this.”

Rayne stared at the phone in her hand with disbelief. Sam. Sam was coming here. She straightened the slump in her body and looked over her shoulder to the cabin. Sam was actually coming here. The weight of her footsteps shook the boards of the dock as she ran across them to the house.

“Flossie!” she yelled the moment her feet hit grass. “Flossie!”

Flossie ran out of the porch, drying her hands on a dish towel. “What in tarnation? What’s wrong with you, child?”

“She’s coming.” Rayne bent over to catch her breath.

“What you jabbering about?” Flossie patted Rayne’s back. “Catch yo’ breath then tell me what the hell you talkin’ ‘bout.”

Rayne raised up. “She’ll be here any minute. Well, I don’t really know when, but she’s coming.” She grabbed Flossie’s shoulders. “Here. She’s coming here.”

Flossie cocked her head at Rayne. “Who she? That one that done called you on yo’ phone out dere?”

Rayne shook her head. “No. Not Mo.” Fuck. Mo. Mo’s coming too. She forcefully shook her head again. She’ll have to figure out what to do with that later. “Sam. Sam will be here any minute.”

Flossie tossed the dishtowel over her shoulder and stared at Rayne. “Sis, I’m confused.”

“You and me both. But Flossie, you should’ve heard her voice. I’ve never heard Sam like this. She said she was scared and didn’t know what to do or where to go.”

“So, you done told her to come here.”

Rayne shrugged. “Well, yeah.” She dug her teeth into her bottom lip. “Wait. Should I not have?”

A smile spread across Flossie’s face. “Of course you should’ve.” She dried her fingers again on the edge of the towel. “Guess I best go finish cookin’ den.”

“I’ll help.”

“Uh huh.” Flossie chuckled as she opened the screen door to go back into the house.

Flossie had taken the chopping duties from Rayne shortly after she placed the green pepper and onion in front of her to dice. Her hands were shaking so badly that Flossie feared one shake more and her surgeon-to-be was going to lose a finger. Rayne was fit to be tied since she had come running in off of the dock. Sure, Flossie had seen the change in Rayne’s eyes when she talked to her about her new little friend. She had seen the happiness in her smile when she got her call earlier. Although nothing ever seemed to bring the glow to Rayne’s face like that there Sam. Flossie picked up the bowl of cornbread batter and walked over to the window where Rayne stood staring.

“You gone bite dem ‘til they bleed if’n you don’t stop.” Flossie peered over Rayne’s shoulder.

Rayne removed her fingernail from her mouth. “The last time I saw her, it wasn’t so good, Flossie. We had words. Bad ones.” She shook both of her hands by her sides. “I didn’t have the right words to say. I tried. I tried to tell her how I felt but nothing came out right. I hurt her again that night.” She looked at Flossie with eyes that nearly broke the old lady’s heart. “When am I going to stop hurting her?”

“But, baby girl, she done called you, right?” Flossie kept whisking the batter. “It you she done reached for. Dat right dere done tell you all you be needing to know ‘bout how she feelin’ on dem words you said.”

A blue SUV Xterra slowly turned into the driveway. Rayne squinted to see Sam behind the driver’s seat. Quickly, she looked to the passenger seat but saw it empty. Butterflies swarmed her and nearly knocked her off her feet. “Oh my gawd, Flossie. She’s here. I don’t know what to do.”

Flossie nudged Rayne’s shoulder with her own. “Why don’t you go let her in?”

Rayne swallowed. “Oh, yeah. Right. I should do that.”

Flossie laughed as she took the bowl to the counter and set it down. She walked back to the door to see Rayne staring out of the screen porch. Sam inched the SUV up to the house and then stopped. Flossie stepped in behind Rayne. “You’ve got dis.” She put her hand gently on the small of her back and pushed her forward.

Sam’s hand slipped off of the driveshaft as she tried to put the SUV in park. She wiped the sweat from her palm and tried again. She noticed the silhouette of a woman walk up behind Rayne. Flossie. She smiled at the sight of the older woman. It’s perfect that she’s here. The two women walked out of the front porch to stand in the yard.

Sam got out of the car and waved. “Hi.”

Rayne felt a prickle behind her neck with the first full sight of Sam. “Hi,” she said shyly.

“Hey dere, Sam.” Flossie took a step back to give them privacy in their greeting.

Sam smiled broadly. “Hi, Flossie. I’m so glad you’re here.” Sam’s eyes darted back to Rayne who stood in a frozen stare at her. “Hey.”

Rayne swallowed. “Hey.”

The screech of the patio door’s springs caused both women to flinch.

“I’m glad you called me,” Rayne finally said.

“You are?”

“Yeah. I am.”

“I was afraid.” Sam shifted her weight and kicked at a rock in the driveway. “I was so ugly to you the last time I saw you. I didn’t know if you would ever want to see me again.”

Rayne started to take a step toward Sam but stopped quickly. “No. It was me. I was the one who hurt you.” She shook her head. “Sam, I’m so sorry. Sorry for everything.”

Sam put her hand in the air. “I’m sorry too, but you know what? That feels like an eternity ago. So much has changed.” She pointed to her chest. “I’ve changed. Maybe we can let it go.”

“Let what go?”

“All of that stuff.” Sam looked down at her feet. “All of the bad stuff. Besides, that’s not why I’m here.”

“Then why are you here?” Rayne gritted her teeth. “I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, what brings you to Brennin?”

“I’ve got someone I want you to meet.” She looked around Rayne to Flossie who stood at the edge of the screened porch. “Someone I want you both to meet.” She opened the back door, disappeared behind the seat, and came back out carrying Addie’s car seat.

Rayne’s mouth instantly became dry. Flossie walked from the porch and made eye contact with Rayne as she came to stand next to her. Sam supported the weight of the car seat in her arms to turn Addie to face them as she walked up closer to them.

Rayne’s brain was busy trying to make sense of what her eyes were seeing. She calculated the months it had been since she had seen Sam. No. No, this isn’t possible, she thought to herself.

Sam smiled as she gazed down at Addie. “Rayne, Flossie,” she looked back up at them, “I want you to meet Adelaide Samantha Bell.”

Flossie gasped and covered her mouth. Rayne stood speechless. Her mouth held silently open. Both of the women peered into the car seat.

“We call her Addie.”

“Adelaide? Addie?” Flossie asked with eyes that held promise in hearing her dear friend’s name.

Sam shifted the car seat in her arms to place a hand on Flossie’s arm. “Yes, Addie. It’s a long story. Can we come in?” She maneuvered the car seat in her hands. “She’s getting heavy.”

“Lawd, yes. Come, child. Bring dat baby inside.” Flossie tugged at Rayne’s arm to move to the side so Sam could get between her and the door.

Sam positioned Addie’s car seat on the coffee table to face the couch as she sat down in the middle of it. Rayne and Flossie sat on each side of her.

“Addie, these are the two I’ve been telling you about.” She folded the blanket down across the baby’s chest and tucked it in along her sides. Addie’s free hand reached into the air. Sam smiled as Addie closed her grip around her finger when she placed it in her palm.

“I don’t understand,” Rayne finally said.

“I know. It’s a long story.”

Flossie shifted in her seat. “Sam, dis Imogene’s grandbaby, ain’t it?”

Sam nodded and moved her hand as Flossie reached underneath the carrier arm to touch Addie’s blanket. Addie held Flossie with the brightest of expressions. Sam noticed wetness along Flossie’s eyelid.

Flossie leaned in closer. “Hi, Addie.” She cleared her throat. “Ain’t you da most beautiful baby I done seen.”

“I still don’t understand.” Rayne’s voice was cloaked in the tears that were starting to stream from her eyes with Memaw’s name being said over and over.

“Baby girl, dis Gentry’s baby,” Flossie said tenderly while she looked deeply into Addie’s eyes.

“But how? How do you have Gentry’s baby?” Rayne asked.

“It’s a long story, Rayne.” Sam put her hand gently on Rayne’s knee. “I’ll tell you everything. I promise. But…she belongs here.” She touched Flossie’s arm. “Addie deserves to grow up with her family. With you two.”

“How is she my family? I just don’t understand at all,” Rayne said.

“I know you don’t.” Sam squeezed Rayne’s knee. “But trust me. You will.”

Flossie wiped her tears from her eyes. “Can I hold her?”

“Of course.” Sam unlatched the car seat and lifted Addie up to place in Flossie’s arms. “She’s a heavy one. In fact, it won’t be long before she’ll need another bottle.”

“I can take care of dat. You just get it fixed up and I feed dis here tater. After dat, why don’t you and Rayne go outside and get caught up.” Flossie didn’t take her eyes from Addie the whole time she spoke. “You done right, Sam. Dis where dis baby belong. I can feel Addie’s spirit all over her.” Flossie held Addie closely against her.

Sam fixed a bottle she had in the diaper bag, gave it to Flossie, and then glanced at Rayne. “Wanna help me unload and set the bassinette up? She’ll be in a milk coma in no time.”

“I never knew a baby needed so much stuff. It’s crazy how much of this you actually need.” Sam closed the back of her SUV. “In practice, I was done after they were born.”

“Until now.” Rayne juggled the bags in her hand as she tried to find a comfortable carrying position.

“Until now,” Sam repeated.

“She be a hungry little one,” Flossie said with a laugh as the two women walked in from setting the bassinette up in the second bedroom.

“You ain’t lying.” Sam rubbed the knot in her shoulder. “It’s like carrying a load of bricks when she goes into her coma like that.”

Flossie used the bib to wipe the milk dripping from underneath the bottle’s nipple.

Sam put her hand on Flossie’s shoulder. “I’ve got the bassinette set up. I’ll go lay her down. She doesn’t sleep as good when I hold her. Honestly, she hasn’t slept well since we left Maine. She didn’t sleep at all last night in Atlanta. I’m hoping once we’re settled, she’ll find her routine again.”

Rayne felt as if she had walked in on a movie that was half over and had no idea what was going on. Yet, Flossie didn’t seem to be confused at all about the baby. She just kept cooing at her. “Atlanta?”

Sam held Rayne with understanding eyes. “Soon. I’ll explain everything soon.” Softly, she lifted Addie from Flossie’s arms and carried her to the bedroom.

Rayne was drawn to follow her as if there was an imaginary line linking her to Sam. There was the need to know the details of Addie but more than that, it was Sam. Always Sam. She had smelled her scent of eucalyptus mint when she had brushed past her. She had felt the warmth of the skin of her hand through her jeans when she held her knee. She had felt her knees buckle when her blue eyes intently held her. She leaned against the door facing and watched as Sam rocked Addie in her arms. She was different than she had remembered her the last time she was in this room. They had giggled and laughed as young women next to one another in the bed. They had kissed and shyly found a hint of exploration in each other’s body in the squeaks of the old metal-frame bed. She studied the difference she saw in the woman before her. She had grown, matured into a woman who was filled with peace and content as she held Addie in her embrace. She looked complete. She smiled when Sam nuzzled the top of Addie’s head with her nose.

With Addie laying against her chest and her head nestled under her chin, Sam looked over at Rayne and mouthed, “She’s out.” Addie’s arms dropped across Sam’s.

Sam laid her in the bassinette and kissed the top of her head. “Get some rest, sweet girl.” She left the door cracked behind them and followed Rayne into the kitchen. Flossie was setting the table. “It smells delicious, Flossie. Please tell me that’s for dinner. I’ve not had a home-cooked meal in I don’t know how long.”

“It sho’ is. Got some red beans and rice with a hot pan of cornbread ready to eat.”

Rayne grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and handed it to Sam. “Want one?”

“Ummm, no thank you.” Sam motioned her head to the room where Addie slept. “I don’t drink that much these days, but I’ll take some sweet tea if you have it.”

“I’ll have the same.” Flossie placed three overfilled bowls on the table and sat down. “Let’s dig in, girls. If’n I be remembering little ones, we may have ‘bout three hours before she gone wake up.”

Sam laughed and winked at Flossie. “About that long. If we’re lucky.”

Rayne listened as the wind blew through the top of the trees. Thankfully, its strength was much stronger in the higher elevation of the treetops than lower where she sat on the dock. Still, the chill of the air off of the water was colder than she found comfortable. She slid the charms of her necklace across its chain once more before she zipped her jacket up around her neck and tucked her hands in her pockets. Regretfully, she wished she had gotten something warmer before heading outside.

“I thought you might be out here.”

The softness of Sam’s voice felt like velvet against Rayne’s skin. She felt the hum of her sigh as it released to the knowledge she had no words to speak. It seemed surreal after all of this time that Sam was here. Actually, here with her at the cabin again. Unfortunately, the road which brought her here seemed impossible to overcome.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?”

Rayne lifted her chin to point it down toward her shoulder. She rested her eyes on the sewn patch in the jeans that covered Sam’s knee. “Not at all.”

“There aren’t many stars out tonight,” Sam said as she sat down and stared out into the dark sky above the bayou. She ran her eyes from one side of the sky to the next. “And I can’t really see the moon, but still it’s the sight of what dreams are made of.”

“Come again?”

“Louisiana. This place. This bayou.” Sam uncovered her hand from the blanket over her shoulders and ran it over the surface of the wood. “This dock. How many times has this dock been in my dreams?”

“It has?”

“Oh yeah. Too many times.” Sam’s lips spread in a half-smile. “This place is magical to me. I used to believe it was because of the,” Sam paused, “experience out here. As I traveled away from Birmingham and well…myself, I realized it’s the presence of this place. This place is its own little world. Don’t get me wrong. Maine was beautiful.” She drew her knees up against her and wrapped her arms around them. “But it wasn’t this place. I didn’t feel it like I do here.”

Rayne was taken off guard with the openness of Sam’s words. She was baffled by the person saying them as she remembered someone much more protective of her feelings to let her words give them away. She didn’t know what to say and felt the shiver of her silence. She tucked her hands deeper into her pockets.

“Hey, you’re freezing.” Sam brought her arm away from her body. “Wanna share my blanket? It’s nice and toasty.”

Unintentionally, Rayne nodded her head. Her thoughts had given their own physical expression.

“What?”

Rayne continued to nod her head back and forth. “I don’t even know the words to say or what I’m feeling. The last time I saw you it wasn’t so pleasant. We weren’t overly nice to one another. How many times have we broken each other’s hearts? And here you are. You’re actually here. On this dock with me again. Of course, I’ve dreamed of it too.” She calmed herself with a deep breath. “So many times I dreamed of it. I never thought I’d see you again and here you are. I guess it’s taking a minute to process it all.”

Sam dropped her arm back down by her side. “I get it,” she said sadly. Reality had a way of creeping in at the most inopportune times. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I guess I got carried away with being out here again that I forgot about all of the rest.” She lifted her hand to point it to Rayne and then back to herself. “There’s stuff between us.”

“Stuff? Yes. And a baby. I mean, you’re a mom now, right?”

Sam couldn’t stop her smile with the mention of Addie. “Yeah, I am. Crazy, huh?”

“I do believe that is the definition of an understatement.”

“I love her, Rayne. Like I’ve loved only one other. Like my life has purpose. Nothing I’ve done before matters. It only matters what I do now. What I do for her. It’s what brought me back here.”

“Which I don’t get entirely. Why here?”

“For many reasons.” Sam stopped and turned to look at the cabin. The interior and exterior lights of it illuminated brightly in the backdrop of the night. She looked back at Rayne. “The most important is that cabin, the woman in it and the town she came from, and most importantly, the woman sitting out here with me.” Sam stopped and turned her ear to the sky. “Listen.”

“I don’t hear anything.”

“Exactly. I couldn’t have this kind of quiet for her to grow up in if I had gone back to Atlanta. Sure, I could’ve in Maine, but there was something more important that I couldn’t have had for her if I had stayed there.”

“What is that?”

“Family.”

“See, that’s what I don’t get. You seem to be trying to say me and Flossie are her family. I don’t get that at all.”

“In a way, you are.”

“You’re going to have to explain that one to me.”

“I want to. Have wanted to. Granted, not out here with the temperature dropping and us freezing our asses off because you won’t share your body heat with me.” Sam cut her eyes toward Rayne to see if she had appreciated her attempt in humor to break the tension.

Rayne huffed as she rolled her eyes and scooted over closer to Sam. Surprised, yet happy, by her reaction, Sam lifted her arm and wrapped the blanket over Rayne’s shoulder. After all of this time, after all of her experiences, Rayne still felt like she was the missing piece to a puzzle she hadn’t known was incomplete.

“Hmpf,” Sam murmured.

“What?”

Sam took such a deep breath of night air that she caught the scent of Rayne’s shampoo. She breathed in again just for the scent of it. “Nothing.”

Rayne felt the prickle of her hairs at the back of her neck when she snuggled in closer against Sam. She laid her head on Sam’s shoulder and whispered loudly enough for Sam to hear, “I feel it too.”

Sam rubbed her thumb across Rayne’s shoulder. “Where do I start? You remember Gentry Bell, right?”

“Bits and pieces.”

“Yeah, she told me she moved out of town when you were younger. Anyway, she’s Imogene’s granddaughter, which you know.” Sam inadvertently squeezed Rayne’s shoulder in her frustration of stumbling over her thoughts. “Of course you know that. The parts you don’t know, I can’t share fully out of respect for Gentry’s privacy. Needless to say, she had a very trying childhood. One filled with neglect, abuse, and a great deal of pain. One no child should ever have to go through.”

“I never knew that about her.”

“No, I don’t imagine you would’ve. It was Addie who saved her, really. Addie who raised her for all practical purposes. Gentry has the softest soul I believe I’ve ever known for what she went through. She’s one of those who literally puts others before herself. All of that she credits to what she learned with the love she got from Addie. Again, for reasons I can’t fully explain, she ended up living with Addie when she was a teenager. Addie was the only mother figure she ever really had in her life. That’s why we’re here. Addie’s spirit is here. All the things she loved most in this world are right here.” Sam stretched her other arm across her body to hold Rayne’s forearm and cover them fully in the blanket. Rayne’s head moved from her shoulder to her chest as Sam’s arm pulled her in closer against her. “You. Flossie. This bayou. I think Gentry would want Addie to know this kind of love of family. I can’t give that to her by myself.”

“Where is she? Gentry.”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I woke up to a whole new meaning of Black Friday when my mother handed me a note Gentry had left for me.”

“Your mother?” Rayne was surprised yet not enough to change anything about her position to look at Sam for clarification. She would let their words do that.

“That part is too long of a story for now but in essence, let’s just say we have a whole new relationship. She is eaten up with Addie. I don’t know how I would’ve made it without her.”

“And Gentry? How did you even meet her?”

The slight chill Sam had been feeling was beginning to warm to Rayne’s arms around her. The combined body heat was only part of the reason. The other was Rayne. She moistened the dryness of her lips as she thought of the engagement party and how broken she was when she met Gentry in the diner. It seemed like a lifetime ago filled with a pain she did not want to remember right now. Especially when they sat like this. Rayne. She smiled to the name as it quietly crept across her thoughts. She rubbed her fingers over Rayne’s forearm. “I met her the last time I was in Louisiana. Can we save that story for another time? I don’t want to think about that time between us right now. This feels really nice. I don’t want it to stop with feelings or memories from long ago.”

“Me either. May I ask if you’re okay though? As in, are you hurting with her leaving?”

“I hurt, but I’m okay. I have to be for Addie.”

“Did you love her? Do you love her?”

Sam was quiet for a minute. She wondered how much of the truth she should tell her. If Gentry taught her nothing else, she taught her the strength in being open with your feelings. “Yes. I did and do love her. I miss her.”

Rayne closed her eyes tightly as if she could keep them from seeing Sam in love with another woman.

“I think I’ll always feel a sense of missing and loss when I see her in Addie’s precious face. Although, I’ve come to realize there are different shapes of love. Different levels and depth to love.”

Rayne sat quietly while Sam talked. She had watched the stillness of the bayou’s water as she listened to her words. She had been entranced by the slow steady beat of Sam’s heart heard against her chest and the scent of her skin through the fibers of her shirt. She understood the gist of Sam’s words as to the meaning of the why she was here with the baby. Yet, even with her explanation, she found it unreal to be back on this dock with her and in her arms no less.

Sam. She thought silently. She wrapped her arms around Sam until her fingers were able to clasp together. She felt Sam breathe in deeply before she relaxed her head against Rayne’s.

“So many different depths of love,” Sam whispered.

Rayne knew nothing but the utter completion she felt in Sam’s embrace. She couldn’t have been more in a sense of home than she was in that very moment. On her dock. Over her bayou. Behind her cabin. In her Sam’s arms. She, too, was now home.

“And you? Who has your love, Stormy?”

Immediately, her body jumped to answer “no one.” Then the vision of Mo flashed. The sound of her voice earlier on the phone. The conversation they had. Moments before Sam called, she and Mo had vowed to try to make a go of their relationship. Rayne pulled away from Sam to look at her. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Sam smiled. “Me either.”

Rayne’s heart fell. She tried to force a smile to match Sam’s, but she knew she had failed when Sam’s faded.

“What is it?” Sam asked.

“Mo.”

Sam bit her bottom lip. “Oh.” She had to have known Mo would be her answer. The anger, resentment, betrayal, and jealousy she had felt when she saw Rayne and Mo dancing was not there any longer. Too much in her life had changed her to be filled with those emotions. What she did feel was disappointment. Surely, she had to have known before she even asked that Mo would be the one to have Rayne’s heart. She had heard nothing of Grant from Rayne nor Flossie. She wondered where he stood in Rayne’s life. No longer did the engagement ring encircle her finger.

“No. Really no. It’s not like that. I mean, it wasn’t like that.” Rayne brought her knee up in between them. “Up until literally minutes before you called, we weren’t like that. It was just a thing. No strings. No anything really.”

Sam looked down at her lap and began to twirl a loose string in the blanket around her finger. “And now?”

“And now…” Rayne let her head fall back on her shoulders. She stared into the starless sky. “And now. She’s coming tomorrow.”

Sam saw her heart’s reflection in Rayne’s face. She reached up to hold her hand against the side of Rayne’s face. Gently, she encouraged her to look at her again. She saw the worry in the lines of her face. “Rayne, it’s okay.” She tried to rub them away with her thumb. “We had and have lives outside of this between us. You would’ve never pictured us being here. Hell, I didn’t picture this, and I knew I was coming to Brennin. There’s this inexplainable bond between us that pulls us to each other when we are around one another. But, we have lives now. People in those lives.” She pressed the tips of her fingers lightly into Rayne’s cheek as her thumb ran across her jawline. “We had to move on to try to find some type of normalcy to our lives again. It’s okay. I need to take Addie to see Imogene tomorrow anyway. I’ve got to talk to her to see if this crazy idea of staying is even plausible. Hey, you know what?”

Rayne raised her eyebrows but spoke with the sadness left in her voice. “What?”

“We can be friends.”

She lowered them and nodded her head a single time before turning it to the side to place her mouth in the center of Sam’s hand. She lifted her hand to hold the back of Sam’s as she melted into it. She kissed her palm and whispered with her lips lingering against her skin. “Friends.”

Sam felt a swirl deep in the pit of her stomach. She swallowed hard. “The very best of friends.”

Comes the Calm

In the conclusion of the Chamber of the Heart series, Rayne Amber Storm finishes her residency with no plans other than returning home to start her plastic surgery practice. It’s always been her dream—one she thought would never be the same when Memaw passed. But now, she has more than just the memory of Memaw waiting for her. She has Sam and Addie, who have become a surprising part of her life. Unfortunately, as what seems has been consistent in her life, her happiness is not without pause. Her girlfriend, Mo, is less than excited at the prospect of her moving back home to the town where her first love awaits. Rayne’s newfound strength to never again hide who she is for any reason gives little comfort to Mo’s fears of losing her to Sam.

Dr. Samantha LeJeune has made a home in Brennin, Louisiana. She has a thriving OB/Gyn practice while little Addie brings back a spirit the town felt had surely been lost. With her time stretched between her practice and her daughter, Sam has had minimal time to herself, much less consider something as taxing as dating. She is, however, anxiously awaiting the return of Rayne. Over the last year, they’ve come into their own definition of friendship, and it’s one that she has enjoyed immensely—perhaps too much at times, as it has become increasingly difficult to keep those feelings of first love from filtering into their conversations. There’s a piece of her that worries how or if it will change once Rayne moves back home.

The small town is set on its heels when the population increases to include Gentry’s father who has come back to claim his rights as Addie’s grandfather. Secrets are threatened to be revealed and lives are exposed to change when Sam fights to keep Addie with her. Will their bayou town ever find its calm after the storm when past and present loves sit among its banks?